Thinking Through Your Friendships– Dr. Charles Stanley

[Music] have valued a lot more friends and the value you place on your friends will be evidenced by the way you treat your friends nothing you say it's the way you treat them and the wonderful thing about friendship is this Jesus is the best friend you and I'll ever have today on InTouch thinking through your friendships the Lord has a plan for every single one of our lives and part of that plan is he has friendships for each of us because he does not want us to live the life of like an island all by ourselves and many people have trusted Jesus Christ as their personal Savior as a result of a friend who introduced them to Jesus many people will tell you that going through the most difficult time of their life it was their friend who helped them through it the other people who will tell you I had a friend but I don't know what happened to that friendship friends are treasures they are gifts from God and if you have a true genuine friend you should be very grateful when I try to think about what a true friend is like I think about something out read many years ago I don't know who wrote it but I copied it down that came to my mind the other day I thought well this is the kind of friend I'd like to be this is the kind of friend I'd like to have and so I want to share that with you and I'm gonna put it up line by line on the screen so you can copy it down but I want you to copy it for this reason I think it's the kind of friends you'd like to have and I'm sure it's the kind of friend you'd like to be so let's look at it a treasure one who loves you as you are no matter what's going on one who sees not only who you are but who you can become one who is there to catch you when you fall and one with whom you can share your everyday experiences one who accepts your worst but helps you to become your best someone who understands your past believes in your future and accepts you today just the way you are someone who comes in when the world the whole world has gone out thinking about that so just for our sake why don't we all just repeat that together and just sort of get in their minds you ready let's start a treasure one who loves you as you are one who sees not only who you are but who you can become one who's there to catch you when you fall one with whom you can share your everyday experiences and one who accepts your worst but helps you to become your best someone who understands your past believes in your future and accepts you today just the way you are someone who comes in and when the whole world has gone out I think all of us would agree we need those kind of friends and so I'd ask you this question are you that kind of friend to someone do you have a friend who is that to you when you read that and you realize what is involved you realize why a friend is a treasure a gift from God and we all need friendships and the Bible says a lot about friendships and especially for example in the book of Proverbs and as I was thinking about the kind of friendships we have and think about for example their friendships all of us have had that we've enjoyed friendships that we've trusted friendships that we believed in and friendships that we hope to at last all of our life and yet somewhere along the way something happens to them we get disappointed they walk away we don't know why sometimes they tell us and most of the time they probably don't so they're all kind of friendships and what you're not need is a friendship we need to have a friendship with the Lord Jesus Christ first of all who will equip us and enable us to be the kind of friends we need to be and people will be attracted to us because of our friendship with them and we'll want to be the same kind of friends of us who in your life could you count today as being a true genuine loving faithful loyal devoted trustworthy friend many people cannot name one single person because they've been hurt they've been disappointed they look things that's happened in their past and they have been hurt so terribly they could not ever trust again it's least that's what they will tell you the truth is they could if they'd be willing to so when I think about trouble friendships I think about in this light and that is sometimes we form wrong friendships in the book of Proverbs is very clear about who we choose to be our friends and somebody says well if you're a Christian can't you choose anybody to be your friend well what is the Word of God say so I'm going to give you these scriptures and I'm gonna read them to you so you won't have to look them up it'd take too long but first of all the scripture is very clear about kind of friendships we should not have and the first one is this the Bible says in proverbs 20 verse 19 do not associate with the gossip listen not only don't make friends with the gossips don't even have anything to do with them you say oh I don't believe Jesus feels that way well the Bible says don't don't have any relationship with the gossip now why would God say such a thing because first of all you can't trust to gossip you can't trust them to say anything that you can tell them anything they keep a confidence because the one thing a gossip loves above everything else is to be the one who has the final word on you and who can tell what they want to tell about you a gossip is a dangerous kind of friendship so God says oh I don't have anything to do with a gossip the second one is don't listen he says don't associate with a person who's hot-tempered they just blow off all of a sudden in Proverbs 22 verse 24 and 25 do not associate with a man or a woman given to anger or go with a hot-tempered man or you will learn his ways and find a snare for yourself what he's saying is this when you when you associate with people who have very definite negative attitudes and effects in life he says if you if you hang around them and you associate with them more than likely they're going to influence you and the Bible says that in a number of different ways that the influence of the ungodly is powerful and somebody will often say well you know I'm gonna marry this person because I'm gonna change him you just think you are and or if I live a Christian life before them they will certainly change not always and so he says he says be careful about people who are gossips be careful about people who are hot-tempered and he says in chapter 24 proverbs he says listen do not associate with those given the change for that calamity will suddenly rise which is what he means is those who are disloyal and discontent if a person's good discontent they're always changing you know you don't know whether you can trust them out today you think you can tomorrow you know you can and so person who is discontent unsettled in their ways he said watch those people because they'll influence you in proverbs 28 verse 7 he warns us about people who are self-indulgent you know too much of this too much of that too much of ever the only thing they want is what satisfies them or what seemingly satisfies them at the moment proverbs 28 7 he who keeps the law is the turning person that is there under control but he who is a companion of gluttons humiliates his father that is a person it's all about them it's all that they can do that satisfies them I don't have anything to do with those kind of people then the immoral and chapter 29 verse 3 he says he who keeps company with harlots wastes wealth and it's interesting in the 5th chapter of Proverbs of all the things the Lord says about all different kind of people in the fifth chapter the Proverbs he goes on for about 11 verses about giving attention to wisdom and being discreet and watching out for an adulteress on adulterer and he describes what they do and what happens as a result and so he says keep yourself away from him don't it don't even head in that direction don't give thought to that and so he gives us fair warning in proverbs chapter 5 stay away from it in other words you can't know what you said the Bible says you can't take far into your bosom without being burned so if you want to get in trouble then you have friendships that are troubling friendships that absolutely will tear you down and not build you up and then he says for example in proverbs 13:20 he who walks with wise men will be wise but the companion of fools will suffer harm and the Bible says the fool is a person who does not believe in God the fool says there is no God but fools also listen are those who do not accept the Lord who shut God out of their life they're fools they're foolish because they're trying to live their life apart from God so when somebody says well yes I know he's not a Christian but I'm gonna marry him and I'm gonna get him saved I'll tell you what you have to be very careful who you marry and even if you marry a Christian it doesn't mean it's gonna last and in this day and time half the people get married it doesn't last and looks like it's almost an idea increase but the issue is this we're talking about friendships so don't even get it don't even get into a friend and if somebody does not believe in God you say well how am I gonna win it about the Jesus what being their friend I'll tell you how you can confront them with a gospel of Jesus Christ in a loving way that doesn't mean listen you can have a relationship without a friendship and some friendships are dangerous and so you can witness to somebody and be loving and kind without developing a friend that person becomes a friend you ought to have friends of people who are loyal devoted who love the same God you love and walk the same way you walk because if you don't like ordinance scripture you're going to be highly influenced by other people and usually it's the wrong kind of influence so very very clear what the scripture says in fact he says the way of a fool is writing in his own eyes naturally but a fool is an arrogant and careless person always losing his temper and so forth so unless we are unusually strong you don't try to develop friends with people who are heading in the opposite direction then you are spiritually if you've trusted Jesus Christ as your personal Savior you're born again the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior your Lord your master he has a plan for your life it's the best plan a good plan you do not want to link your life up with somebody who has no plan someone who does not accept the fact that God has a plan and someone who's not interested in God's plan for his own life or her own life or your life and so you would you say well are you telling me not don't marry somebody who's not a Christian that's what I'd say I said absolutely and so I know that many people would say well that's not scripture to read the Word of God if you just keep reading you'll find the warning is that you will be highly influenced by people who are ungodly doesn't mean you can't have relationships godly relationships but to develop a friendship and a friendship is a tight relationship a friendship is more than just the relationship and so the scripture warns us about it because of the absolutely evident impact of that which oftentimes tears a person down how many people have started out and then got into relationships how many parents have said to their children I don't feel good about that person I don't feel good and listen if you're a young person I'll just put it this way most of the time probably about 98% of the time if a parent who loves you says to you I don't feel good about this particular person you better listen because I've lived long enough I've lived long enough to have watched over and over and over and over again when parents have warned their children that's it but you don't really know him you don't really know her and maybe much later or a few years later they say I wish I had listened to you when somebody says I wish I had or somebody says if I had they're contesting a disappointment in life you don't want that in your life you don't that in your children's life and you certainly don't want that in your husband or wife life and when a husband says to his wife you know I don't have a good feeling about you being with her I don't have a good feeling about you going out with her you would listen to your husband if she says I don't have you I don't like the idea you're running around with him I don't think I don't have a good feeling about that because God has said something to her about what he sees in that person and listen many good people with great intention have wrecked and ruined their life by being influenced in a negative fashion that in intend to be they wanted to do the best they was going to be something good in that life person's life their good influence and the opposite happened we have to be careful about our friendships and to be careless can be oftentimes disastrous and I would ask you a question are you here this morning are you sitting there maybe by yourself in your apartment but all the reason you've listened this part is when I said something about not having friends because you don't if you don't have a friend you're very lonely and no amount of alcohol no matter of money no amount of prestige and popularity can feel the place of Jesus in your life it will be with you no matter what friendships are very valuable to us we have to take care of them and so we make decisions in life and what happens as a result we ruin a good friendship and so it has to be nurtured and it's we can make unwise relationships friendships or Wiseman's so let's think about how you make friendships will you say well you know you just meet somebody and decide they'd be a good friend yeah that's not the way you have friendships watch this carefully you have to build friendships relationships can come and go friendships you have to build you say well how do you build a friendship so I'm gonna give you a list every single word in this list is very important if you want to have real genuine friendships that really make a difference in your life first of all you have to spend time with them their word you can't have friendships that you don't have time with that person spend time with them secondly talk to them that's the second most important you have to talk to them how do you how do you develop friendships you learn who the other person is happy learn who the other person is when they tell you about their life what they tell you first of all what they want you to know the more you friendships you develop they tell you things about their life that they probably thought they wouldn't tell anybody they become very very honest and so talking to each others with build friendships and I talked to some of my friends and I have some wonderful wonderful wonderful godly friends I talked to some of them every single day friendships you have to give time to you want to give time to why that make you laugh then bring your happiness they encourage you that is if you're gonna be a friend you gotta be willing to talk and to listen to the other person and likewise as you you've got to be willing to cry and willing to laugh all of us go through situations and circumstances that are heartbreaking and if you're the kind of person that watch this you have to watch this one if you're the kind of person who lives like this you you will never have any friends because you're trying to cover up something in your life that you need to share their words when your hearts broken you need to tell it you need to share with someone who's a real friend you get disappointed either by your friends you at work or your children or something and we laugh together and we cried together that's what real genuine friendships all about somebody says well now men don't cry well you'll die early but the simple reason because if crying is one way we release tension and stress in our life and listen the Bible says Jesus did what he wept he cried all of us that are natural we're gonna cry at some things true genuine friendships you will in a cry you will enter share your heart no matter what then of course there are those things that you accomplish in life and and you maybe you get a raise or you get a promotion or or you get some recognition and so well do you share that with your friends and what happens if they're true friends they're just as excited about what you get as if they got it that's true genuine friendships that willing to compliment you whatever's going on in life and then of course there are trials all of us are gonna have trials in life we're gonna go through things that are very difficult if you a real friend you'll be there when the trials come if you're a true friend you're gonna share what you're going through in life and if you try to be the kind of friend has no troubles no heartaches no burdens no this you got everything and everything it's just fun that's not friendship that is a dishonest cover-up that's what that is we all have trials we go through in life some more intense than others but what do we do to keep them to ourselves know we tell God about them first and then if you have a friend we share that not to burden somebody else and you see listen if I'm your friend and you and my friend and you come unload on me I don't consider that a burden I'm grateful to God that you felt free to tell me what was going on in your life and and what happens is this the more genuine that friendship is the more intimate you're going to be willing to share things in your life that maybe you wouldn't share with anybody and it may be that's the only person you would tell but that's part of friendships and then of course at thankfulness think about this when's the last time you said your friend Wednesday everyone's less time you sent a text since it's a text age when's the last time you sent him a text and just said I was just thinking about you this morning I wanna thank you for being my friend now you say well that's not very that's not very long you know how send text and I don't like to send them I will send them and if I just say I just want you to know that I love you you know what I do it to emphasize it I put about five six seven or ten exclamation points behind it because what I'm saying is I really and truly love you I do I don't know how to say that text bit any other way but you know what sometimes that's all people need I'm praying for you this morning exclamation point is Commissioner words it means what I says to me I really mean it so that's my way of saying I really mean in case you question that so being thankful and then being thoughtful and there are all different kind of ways to be thoughtful to somebody and whether it's you whether you tell them that you're grateful for something they did or as we say text them or you write him a note but I think a little note doesn't take long to say thank you very much that was thoughtful of you Thanks how could you be how could you be so thoughtful of words it doesn't take much and and what happens is this when you are thoughtful and you express it something happens first of all something happens that really is released in you emotionally and secondly well listen it's released in you and lifts the other person it's like a smile for example let's say that you're sort of down in the dumps and somebody it comes to see you about whatever it might be next thing you know they've been smiling and here you're smiling and you and they've lifted you up that's what friends should do they should lift each other whatever it takes and often times it takes very little just being thoughtful or it may be that you're thoughtful by giving them something that you know they want and we live in a selfish age it doesn't take much to express thoughtfulness just a little something here and there and we're expressing appreciation and love and their kindness till the other person then of course there's tolerance in other words to be friends you have to tolerate things that nobody nobody's perfect we all have our failures about things so maybe we'd say something that disappoints the other person or maybe it's a something that that hurts somebody's feelings sometimes you can hurt somebody else's feelings when you didn't mean that at all and when the person realizes you didn't really mean that they tolerate that and move on and don't hold it against you you can't listen you can't live with your antennas out who's gonna say something wrong about me today now what's what you can't live that way you've got to listen you've got to live thanking God that he loves you he tolerates us every single day forgives us for our mistakes and then of course watch this now touching touching is very important in friendships now for example I have some men friends whom I love dearly I don't shake hands for them it's not because I'm afraid of getting contaminated it's because I handshakes not enough and you know whose hand you should shake and whom you should hug for example your family and maybe maybe somebody else your friends but even your friends you have to be careful about about how you touch somebody else and so real friends are sacred in that touch I would put it that away then you got to be transparent you got to be open and think about living this way think about living in a fashion I don't want anybody to see on the inside of what I'm really like and you see what you may be feeling maybe until the erroneous that's nothing you are that's how you think you are and so you think if if he or she sees this they won't like me anymore you know what they they've already seen it and you're trying to cover it up you just have to be transparent and open who you are and not try to be something that you're not because we're not perfect and I remember when I was coming along in high school we had a especially one girl in our class came from a very rich family and dis at Neyland so forth and she was always looking down her nose at everybody I will never forget this I don't know why I'm telling you this what one of my dear friends one of my dear friends friends we were sitting in the English class one day and the kenick and the teacher asked him a question he said look I don't know but she knows everything so just ask her and so that's that is the attitude and the spirit and I'll never forget that as long as they live as you can tell and so we we developed friendships in a warm wonderful awesome way but we have to be open not snooty and then of course you got to be truthful you can't have a friendship if you're not truthful if somebody tells you something and you say I'm like I'm telling the budding you do that's not being truthful if somebody asks you a question maybe maybe they ask a question about yourself maybe you don't want to answer it you could say well you know I have to think about them how if this is the time or whatever it might be but just be truthful being honest always works and the people who are not truthful you don't have those kind of friendships because when you add all those things up too they add up to love if you love somebody all these things are gonna be found in your life and so there are often times as we said in the very beginning friendships that start out people you trust people you love people that you hope will be your friend for a long time and something happens to that friendship all of us have lost friends and I've lost friends that I never thought I would lose and so how do you destroy our friendship I'm sometimes that people dial they just move away and whatever but how do you destroy our friendship what do you do the things you do that really cause our friendship to fall apart well the first thing is but this you just be selfish it's all about me myself and I my three favourite friends and it's what I get what I want when I have it when I can get it your destroy our friendship just be selfish always on the receiving end a second way is to be a manipulator you use the other person nobody wants to be used you use the other person for example to get what you want in life and so they feel like they're being used you go through this person or that person and you're manipulated that you can destroy a friendship because you realize that's not friendship they're using you to get something else so using you to get to another person thirdly possessiveness and this is what you can really kill a friendship watch this carefully you can smother a relationship you can smother up a friendship to absolutely destroy it because if a person is your friend and do you count them as a dear friend you cannot say to them or act such a way you can't be anybody else's friend if you and my friend is just the two of us no that's not what friendship is about and friendship is about sharing ourselves not necessarily with just one person but whoever God leads you and whoever he works in your life and so possessiveness doesn't work and neither does jealousy possessiveness is not right jealousy is a sin and jealousy will destroy any relationship if you're married to a man a woman who's jealous you're miserable you're miserable if you're married to somebody who's jealous because this is what you have to walk just like that because you never know when you're gonna be misunderstood you may you may say well you are you looking and wonderful today why did you tell her that or in other words in other words a person a person who is jealous is never happy about anything it's like this they have antennas out looking for reasons not to trust or to believe in that'll destroy a relationship if you have if you have a true friend you want them to be listen if they're that kind of friend of you you treasure that friendship you want somebody else to have the same kind of friendship because you love somebody if you really love them you're not gonna be jealous of them somebody says well I'm jealous but I love them no no no if you love them you're not jealous of them jealousy says I must be in control of you at all times i watch what you watch I look at what you look in other words that's not friendship that's jealousy and that is a sin and then of course if somebody is always criticized in other words if you live with a critic you can't be happy because the critic is gonna find some reason at some point probably daily or there abouts something you didn't do right you could have done better and if you live with somebody that no matter what you do is not quite good enough it got close but it wasn't good enough you you bought him or her a gift for example and well where did you buy it because you didn't buy that a very expensive place well well that doesn't say much about your love well I mean way way though we'll wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute in other words friendship isn't based on how much the gift cost friendships based on the fact that you thought about me and so people who are critics they're gonna find some way then of course those there are those people who are explosive you don't want an explosive friend here's the reason why you never know when they're going off you never know when they're going off because something just ticked them the wrong way and they have this explosion and then what happens often times you end up picking up the pieces and sometimes you can't pick up the pieces this is why you want to have friends with people who love the Lord who know how to love you and know how to give of themselves to you who had trustworthy who believed in you and then of course have their people who very covetous in other words some and think about this jealous is the attitude that makes me grasp of what I have that is I'm jealous but covetousness listen covetousness drives me to do what to get what somebody else has so if I'm gonna have a real friendship it's a give and take in other words I want to give to you you get to me we share each other it's not Kepner words it's not about me genuine friendships is not about me it's about you and about your future and about your life and and what brings happiness and peace and joy into your life and then of course this loyalty this loyalty destroys a friendship immediately I told you something in confidence and you promised me you were not telling anybody else because it was an area of my life that I was working on or I told you this happened in my family or whatever it might be disloyalty disloyalty is like driving us a stake between two people can't be trusted it'll destroy our friendship and likewise just just being dishonest just not telling the truth in other words if you did something wrong just say yeah you know what I missed it I'm sorry I forgot it and if I ask you today how many of you have forgotten your wife or your husband's birthday please don't raise your hand and yet somebody and then the other person gets all upset and they just will say you know what I forgot it you don't say well I was this and don't know words if you tried to explain some things away you just wasted your time just say you know what I'm sorry apologize I don't know what happened I forgot it but it's my fault and I will certainly try to make it up to you then of course if you want to destroy our friendship it's get too busy well you know I haven't called you in two weeks for this reason I haven't talked to you in about a month in other words everybody's busy it takes time as we said in the very beginning to be a real true genuine friend now the question is how do we how do we rescue these troubled friendships and I'll just make this very short happy how do we rescue them first of all you've got to decide that a friendship is worth rescuing you've got to decide you really want that person to be your friend you have to decide I'm willing to do what is necessary to make things right if I've done something to offend them in some way and neglected them in some way I'm willing to make that but take the steps necessary and so the first thing I have to do is admit that hey I was wrong here please forgive me that was not what a loyal devoted friend would do and I'm asking you to forgive me and I promise you the best of my ability it'll never happen again and then live it out what you promise that you'll be loyal devoted to that person honest and truthful then of course one thing you don't do is begin to defend yourself if you're gonna make a friendship right don't defend anything you did just say I was dead wrong I'm very sorry and I'm asking for forgiveness specifically I'm wrong I was wrong and I'm asking for forgiveness and then what you might do is ask them listen would you tell me tell me what can I do to heal this relationship tell me what I need to do to make this relationship right tell me what I need to do to rebuild our fellowship and our and our friendship because I love you as my friend I made a mistake I'm sorry and if you'll tell me what I can do to make this better I will do it and what you're doing is you're opening the door for them to save whatever they need to say and they may say to you well you can do something real simple if I tell you something and confidence don't ever tell anybody else if you want this friendship to work it may be something that simple or it may be something more difficult than that but we have to give them an opportunity to say what needs to be said if I want to mend that relationship if I don't want to mend it I'll say well you know everybody makes mistakes and if you if you think my mistake with so much and forget the friendship no that's not friendship but you care about the friendship friendships are precious and if you think about it your whole life and you know how long I lived I could count on true genuine friends that I've had thank God it would take both hands and feet but all toes I've had some wonderful friends and I've outlived a lot of them and but I can say this the best friends that I've ever had in my life I have today and so I would say they told you folks out there who are at my age and above that below that or whatever it might be don't think because you are whatever age you are that you know nobody wants to be your friend sure or listen most all of my friends are half my age you saying they're running around with you yep and you know what they love it because there was enough to listen and learn something and I love them you know the age has nothing to do with it it has to do what you have to offer what kind of friend do you want to be and I would have been happier to age afforded to have somebody who is my dear friend at the age of 80 I thought listen I want to learn everything I can listen to what I can listen to and be sure I don't miss anything in life that will help me become the person you got it wants me to be we can we can mend friendships if we're honest and open willing to ask for forgiveness apologize and whatever it might be and I can tell you this one my life the best friends the truest friends I've ever had of my friends today and so that ought to be an encouragement to some of you maybe your friends you think well I thought you ought to have your closest friends ought to be your age no because people my age can't keep up with me they can they came it's hard to live to be my friends so I have to choose those who can go when I want to go and go where I want to go and do the things I love doing but you may want to choose friends who are totally different I understand that so if what you have to ask is this have valuable are my friends and the value you place on your friends will be evidenced by the way you treat your friends nothing you say it's the way you treat them and the wonderful thing about friendship is this Jesus is the best friend you and I'll ever have and my friend no matter who your friends are and what you have in life and where you've been where you going your popularity and prestige and prominence and all the rest none of that weighs as much as a good friend and you start with Jesus who's always there and if you'll notice that paragraph we gave at the beginning of the message he fits every bit of that he's a true friend and listen when we say he's there when all the world walks out I think that's the elephant test of a friend today when everybody else walks away from you who's standing there with you to say you can count on me no matter what that's the kind of friend I want to be and that's the kind of friend I'd like to have and probably thank you and praise you today for your loving friendship toward us you put up with a lot you provide us everything and you're so generous to us and we ask today that you place within our heart the desire to be the kind of friend so many people need you've brought us some multitudes of places different backgrounds but you've surrounded all of us with different people many of whom need a friend teachers had to be a godly friend that being our friend will draw them closer to you is our prayer in Jesus name Amen the blessings of godly relationships can be yours through faith in Jesus the best friend you'll ever have at intouch.org learn more about trusting God and how to discern his will for your life there you can see today's message thinking through your friendships and find a library of free and inspiring messages from dr. Stanley sermon notes and resources to help you learn how to be a godly influence to people in your life download the intouch app to take the teaching of dr. Stanley on the go or follow us on YouTube Facebook and Twitter leading people worldwide into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ and strengthening the local church in touch with dr. Charles Stanley is a presentation of in touch ministries this program is made possible by the grace of God and your faithful prayers and gifts

Channel: In Touch Ministries

Views: 740,267

Keywords: Thinking Through Your Friendships, Charles F. Stanley, InTouch, In Touch, Ministries, God, Prayer, Sermon, Bible, Preaching, Dr Stanley, Pastor, Church, Sunday, Christian, Faith, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Charles Stanley

Id: vr9KQuupuDw

Length: 40min 43sec (2443 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 13 2015