Dr. Charles Stanley: Lonely
people are unhappy people. They feel insecure, feel
inadequate; they feel restless. Oftentimes they feel confused
and they tend to waste time because of feeling lonely,
because their mind is divided. And when I think about their
responses and how they operate based on that, they waste
a lot of time. And a person's lonely, it's hard
for them to concentrate. Their mind gets divided and they
want to do one thing end up doing the other. They find themselves wasting
time wondering about why they feel the way they feel and who's
going to help them out. So, a lonely feeling is a bad
feeling. And so, I want us to look at a
particular passage of Scripture that you have read many times
probably. And--but it's a good example of
what Jesus says to us when we go through those times. So, I want you to turn to
Matthew chapter eleven for moment and begin with verse
twenty eight: "Come to Me, all you who are weary
and heavy-laden. I'll give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn
from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will
find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My
burden is light." This is a word of encouragement
to all of you who feel lonely, because sometimes you're asking
God where are You? If You're there, why don't You
speak? Why don't You show Yourself? Why don't You do something to
make Yourself known? And the Lord Jesus says come
unto Me and I will show you the truth. I will make Myself known. I will lift your burden. I'll take away your loneliness. I'll be sufficient for any and
every need that you have. So, when we think about
loneliness, we think about an emotion that many people are not
only troubled by, but overcome by. Do not know where to turn, and
sometimes the things they turn to are not the things that help
them at all. And so, what I want to do in
this message is give you some suggestions of how to overcome
it. You don't have to live in
loneliness. That's not the will of God for
us to live in loneliness. And He is our best friend. And if you'll think for just a
moment when Jesus was on the cross, think about this. When He was on the cross, they
nailed Him to the cross, nails in His hands, His feet. It's in those moments He was
paying the price for your sin and mine. And most of all facing it
without the Father's presence. "My God, My God, why have You
forsaken Me?" If anybody understood
loneliness, Jesus did. He does not intend for you and
me to live lonely. When you trust the Lord Jesus
Christ as your personal Savior, you have a reason to believe the
teaching of the Word of God that you will never be, listen, alone
again. I didn't say you wouldn't be
lonely. But once you trust Him as your
Savior, you're never alone again no matter what you go through,
what you experience, what you suffer in life, how good the
times are, you are never alone. Loneliness, yes, and loneliness
is a plague in our society and then the world. We have everything that money
can buy. We can go anywhere there is to
have fun and somehow loneliness is like a disease. Loneliness has plagued us, and
people are looking for a solution. So, let's define, briefly, what
we mean by loneliness, listen to this: Loneliness is a separation
anxiety, brought on by the feelings of being disconnected,
out of touch. It is a loss of intimacy, or
belonging, of feeling abandoned, ostracized, isolated. That is, something has happened
in your life with somebody, with your family, whatever it might
be. It's a disconnect. And people who have been through
divorce, death, and all kinds of separations, they understand how
absolutely telling that is on their mind, their emotions, and
their body. God does not expect us to live a lonely life, and yet multitudes
of people are doing just that. They have everything money can
buy but they're lonely. And many people think, well, if
I just had this, and if I had that, or if I had him, or if I
had her, I would be fine. No, you wouldn't. There's not anything under God's
creation or all of it together that can satisfy an emptiness in
your life that only Jesus Christ can satisfy. Now, you may be watching, or
listening, or whatever it might be and you think well, now, I
don't really think that's true because this, that, and the
other, so what I want to do is I want to talk to you about how to
overcome that loneliness and let's see if what you're doing
works. I know it doesn't work or you
wouldn't have felt what you felt. This sermon--this message may
irritate you. Well, if it does good because
you may be getting along the pathway where loneliness is no
longer the way you walk. So, let's think about some very
specific ways that you overcome loneliness in your life. And the first one is this. Ask the question, what am I
doing that's promoting loneliness in my life? You can be lonely and not know
why. Now, if some member of your
family passes away, or separation, divorce, or whatever
we understand that. But what about that loneliness
that you can't put your finger on? What about none of those things
are true, but you're still lonely, still empty, still
trying to figure out what's going on in your life. And so, when you ask the
question, what am I doing that promotes it? Listen carefully, something is
promoting it. Something is promoting
loneliness in your life. And if you are a child of God
you should not feel lonely. And if you still feel lonely you
have to ask yourself the question, what is it about my
thinking? What am I doing? What about my relationships
that's leaving me empty? And so, something is wrong. Especially if you've ever
trusted Jesus as your Savior and you're lonely, something's gone
wrong, because you should not feel loneliness when you have
the presence of Almighty God living within you who has said,
"I'll never leave you nor forsake you." That's the promise of God to
every single believer. Then of course, ask yourself
this question. Is this the way I want to spend
the rest of my life and die and give an account to the Lord for
a life disobedience and waste? In all these years I have never
met a person who said I used to be a Christian, I used to go to
church, I used to do this, I used to do that, but I just
quit. I've never met a person who told
me that who was happy. Who would even claim to be
happy, but always something missing. "Oh, I don't go to church again,
but I don't do this again but," but what? Still unhappy, still miserable,
still lonely because without Jesus, think about this, He
created us. He didn't have to.
He created us; He gave us life. Why? In order to indwell us, in order
to so work in our life that we would praise Him, and honor Him,
and glorify Him, and live for Him, and reflect Him, and spread
that awesome sense of fellowship and love with other people. So, I would ask you this. If you're one of those persons
who's very happy, do you spread that around? When you talk to people about
your relationship to Jesus, do you give Him credit for being
the answer to your once loneliness? Because the truth is without
Him, you don't have it. You can name anything that you
possess. Without Him, you're still going
to be lonely. And so, I say over, and over,
and over again Jesus is the One that does it. When you surrender your life to
Christ, here's what happens. The Bible says you surrender
your life to Christ, Jesus comes into your life, watch this, He
comes to indwell you through the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit, the Bible
says, sealed you, sealed you forever as a child of God. You can't be saved, sealed by
the Holy Spirit of God, and then unsealed. You may sin against God, and
what happens? You lose your joy and your
peace. You get out of the will of God
what happens? Do you lose your salvation? No, but you lose your peace,
your joy, and your sense of security; but you don't lose
your salvation. God has sealed you as one of His
children and has the best life possible for you. But if you walk away from Him,
if you choose to go another route than His route, you're
going to end up lonely. And as a result, you'll walk
away wondering what happened. What happened is that you became
disconnected, spiritually, with the very source of life and
that's where most people are living. So, you ask God to deliver you
from any behavior that would drag you back. For example, if you've trusted
Christ as your Savior, you're going along fine, and all of a
sudden, you find yourself being lonely for some reason, whatever
it might be. You got disappointed in
something, whatever. Be careful not to allow somebody
else to drag you back into the old lifestyle you were living in
and find yourself once again empty when it was absolutely
unnecessary. Listen, loneliness is not
natural for a child of God. It's natural for the world
because they're not ta connected to the resource of life, and
joy, and peace, and happiness, all the rest. "My peace I give unto you," He
says, "not as the world gives give I unto you, let not your
heart be troubled." Not as the world gives because
He knows that's not adequate, that's not sufficient. "Come to Me," He says, "and I
will give you rest." I will give you peace, I will
give you joy. It's a relationship with Jesus. Listen, you can have
relationship with the most beautiful woman, of the most
handsome man, most beautiful person in the world. Most wealthy, name it. Without Jesus, you may try to
get it together, but you can't get it together because Jesus is
the Great Connector. He's the One who connects us
with Himself and gives us a sense of joy and peace, and
happiness, and not loneliness. And sometimes you'll meet some
of the happiest people you know who live by themselves. If having somebody was essential
to being happy and having peace in your life, that wouldn't be
true. But Jesus, when you surrender
your life to Him, He begins to live in you, what? A godly life, and a life
submissive to the Father. And a life that listens to the
Father. A life that dwells upon the Word
of God. That's the difference it makes. So, ask yourself the question:
Where does all that fit in your life? And then, think about this. Cultivate a new friendship with
somebody who will be an asset in your life. Sometimes that's exactly what's
needed to overcome loneliness. Cultivate a friendship, watch
this, not with someone who could drag you back down to where you
were, but someone who will lift you. Someone who will encourage you,
and someone whose relationship with Christ is very important. Someone whose language, whose
lifestyle, whose dress, whose demeanor, someone that you know
looks like this is what Jesus would look like. A genuine friend who doesn't
want something from you, but someone who's willing to be a
friend to you. You want to overcome loneliness,
a godly friend. Somebody who's willing to give
of themselves to you in a godly way, that will lift us up and
not drag us down. But He wants us to be strong
enough to reach out to people who are living down, and who are
lonely, and who need a friend. But watch this carefully, be
sure you don't listen to the devil who says, "Well, here's
somebody who needs you. You can help them. Just go." Not necessarily, because some
people will drag you down. There're looking for somebody
who will agree with them. They're looking for somebody who
will enjoy the same sin that they've enjoyed. That is not freedom, and that is
not healthy. It's not what God's says you and
I should do. Sometimes you have to walk away. God gives us wisdom to who we
can help and who we cannot help. Or, if we're in a position,
spiritually, to help them. Or, if our relationship to Jesus
is strong enough, that we can give of ourselves to them to
help them. He'll show you who to help. He'll show you who you can be a
friend to, and who, on the other hand, with good intentions, will
drag you down. You think about your children,
think about teenagers, for example. What do you say to them, and
your grandchildren? What do you say to them? "Watch who you run with, because
most of them will want to drag you down." "Well, you need to try this." There're some things in life you
do not need to try. You need to ask God to give you
wisdom to be able to detect in someone else's ideas about what
friendship's really all about. Choose to believe the truth,
that you're not alone, that Christ is with you every
situation in your life. You're not alone. You may feel it, but you're not
alone. He's always there,
realistically. He is there, ready to reveal
Himself to you. Do not believe that you're all
alone, and remember as we said before, and I say it again on
purpose. Remember you have the Holy
Spirit living within you. And when people say, "Well, I
just can't, I just can't be alone." What that's saying is, that
emotionally, you are not mature enough to live alone if you have
to. And so, what do you do?
You got to have somebody. Be on guard, be alert, be
careful. The fire is out there, the traps
are out there, the holes are out there. And if you're not careful,
somebody comes along, you need to ask questions. Somebody wants to be your
friend, find out who they are, what kind of friend they are to
somebody else, and who's their friend? If somebody wants to be my
friend, I want to know who their friend is. Their friend could be most
anybody, so friendship is absolutely essential to a full
life. But friendship, first of all,
with the Lord Jesus Christ. He will show you who you can be
a friend with. He will show you the person who
needs your friendship for you to build them up. And then, I'm going to list some
very practical things besides those and another one is this. Make it a priority to read the
Word of God every day. A priority to read the Word of
God every day and pray. Now, when you read in the Word
of God what God has said and desires to speak to you, who
kept--who put this together? Man didn't put this together,
this is God's Word in order to teach us how to live, how to
relate to Him, how to be a friend, how to be a help, how to
have a discerning spirit to know what's right and what's wrong,
and what's good and not good. He's given us His Word, and the
Word is like fuel in our life. Keeps us going, spiritually. And energy within our life. When He says, "I'll never leave
you nor forsake you." "I can do all things through
Christ who strengthen me," Paul said, so God's given us His
Word. We should feed upon His Word
every day for the simple reason, this. Watch this, you heading the
wrong direction, somebody, but you're reading the Bible every
day, you can mark it down. You going to read a passage that
you weren't even looking for, and your name's going to be all
over it. And God's going to be warning
you, "Watch out, be careful, walk away, that is not the right
relationship." Neglect the Word of God and
you'll fall into traps. You read the Word of God and you
pray daily for God to give you wisdom and direction, and watch
this, a discerning spirit to be able to detect what is the will
of God and what is not. And listen, the way--a person
may dress like a million dollars, but their character may
be worth about twenty cents. And so, you have to watch what
you're doing. The Word of God. Somebody says, "I don't have
time to read the Word of God." Then you don't have time to
follow God. You don't have time to keep
yourself out of trouble. Reading the Word of God and
praying every day, asking God to give you direction. Memorize a simple passage in the
Scripture that that you have to deal. For example, if I had some need
and I didn't have any idea what in the world was going on,
here's a passage I'd read. "My God shall supply all your
needs according to His riches in glory." That is, whatever I need, He's
going to provide. Now, somebody says, "Well, what
about dealing with situations that can't be changed?" And I would say accept it,
call on the Lord to help you through it. For example, your husband or
your wife dies. You say, "Well, you're telling
me that I'm not to feel any loneliness." No, I didn't say that. Naturally, when somebody who's a
part of your flesh almost is gone, you're going to feel it. But you feel it in the presence
of Jesus. That if God took that person out
of your life, He had a reason to take them. And we can say it was this
disease, that, whatever it might be, He took them. He knew that you would remain
alone, and God is going to be there from the very moment to
remind you, I am with you, I will never forsake you, no
matter what. So, naturally, there are periods
and times and trials in life that you feel it. But the issue is you decide not
to stay there. And everybody is going to go
through those times when we lose loved ones. Whatever the reason may be, that
loneliness is a loneliness that God will use to drive us to Him. When our attitude is right. Attitude is right, loneliness
can drive us to Him. And then, I would say to you,
reach out to serve somebody. There's something about giving
yourself away to people. Be careful. Somebody'll take advantage of
that, but you just say, "Lord, You told us we're to be
servants, I'm willing to help someone." Watch this carefully, this is
why the primary issue here is that the Holy Spirit is living
within you who will direct you to who you can help. And so, you have to ask Him for
direction for that. Seeking fellowship with a godly
person who will challenge you to be your best, because sometimes
God wants you to be a friend to someone because He knows they
have a contribution they could make to you. They don't want anything from
you, they want to do something that'll challenge you, grow you
up, mature you, help you, encourage you. Those are kind of friends we all
need. We all had--need the kind of
connection in this life that builds us up, helps us, enables
us, because doing that makes us possible for us to do that with
somebody else. He does not intend for us to
live lonely lives. Godly people have a connect with
the Holy Spirit who will show you exactly who you can relate
to and who you cannot relate to. Somebody says, "Well, that
sounds selfish." No, it's sounds very, very
important because you have to make choices in life. And choices of who your friend
will be is a very, very significant choice. "Come unto Me, all you that
labor and are heavy-laden, and I'll give you rest." Because He knows the weight, the
weight of loneliness. It's a heavy, heavy, heavy
weight; but God can take that weight off and give you a sense
of fulfillment and joy in your heart that only He can give. And when I think about how
significant it is that Jesus sent the Holy Spirit into us so
that you and I will never, watch this, we will never be alone,
never. Never be alone. You may feel lonely, never be
alone because He sealed you with Himself. You will always have that
connect. It may get ruffled at times by
your relationships, but that connection's always there. Now, you know where you are in
life, you know who your friends are, I would ask you this. Are your friends dragging you
down or lifting you up? Are they looking out for your
best interest or their own? Are they giving you presents
because they want something or because they love you? Are they truly faithful to you,
or just giving you the image that they are? Who in your life is a true,
genuine friend? Who's courting your friendship
who has ulterior motives? In this day and time, we have to
ask questions. We have to ask for God's
guidance, and direction, and leadership in our life. Then, when He gives you a sense
of mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. No, no, no, no, no. You don't ignore that and keep
going. When God stops you in a
relationship, He's saving you from disaster. And so, you listen to Him, you
obey Him, and you have the awesome joy of having godly
friends who'll build you up, never tear you down. Now, think about this. What is true of you, true of
your children, your grandchildren. You want your grandchildren and
your children to choose the right kind of friends? They're going to look at you,
who built up my dad or my mother. Who built up my--what kind of
folks did my grandparents have? Life if so entwined, we have to
keep our eyes open, and our heart sensitive to the voice of
God, then you'll have awesome friends that one day you'll meet
in heaven and rejoice together. Amen? Father, we love You and praise
You, that You love us enough to want to be our friend. I pray the Holy Spirit will sink
these simple truths into every heart who hears them. That You would send a warning to
those who're headed in the wrong direction. That You'll give strength,
energy, and enjoyment to those who're walking in Your ways. Thank You for loving us enough
that we'll know, forever, that You're always have been, always
will be our very best friend, in Jesus's name, amen.
