Therapist Reacts to MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO

this is a guidebook for warm affirming child rearing i'm watching this and i'm just reminded of the type of parent that i want to be just that moment of the dad connecting with his kids in a way that they understand you know they're going to take that with them for the rest of their lives this moment of you know my dad acknowledging my feelings and helping me to like understand them yeah it's beautiful let's have fun no i hate fun this episode of cinema therapy is sponsored by story blocks stay tuned to figure out how you can make better videos and support diverse creators with story blocks welcome to cinema therapy i am alan searight professional filmmaker and i need therapy and i'm jonathan decker licensed therapist who loves movies and today what are we doing well i'm going to have you react to the most delightful film that has ever been put on celluloid pb's big adventure no that's the second most it's my neighbor totoro [Applause] look we're americans so if we slip into totoro i apologize also i have to address the elephant in the room we are going to be watching dubs not subs today i have a lot of questions number one how dare you there's a reason though why would we do that it's clearly wrong however this is such a delightful film to watch with children did you watch it with your kids i watch it with my kids and they watch it with my kids and they love it and my six-year-old daughter can read but like having her read subtitles it just wouldn't have worked so the correct way to watch films in another language is with subs not dubs because then you get the original actor's performance however because it's animated and because we watched it with our kids we're doing dubs not subs today please don't add us in the comments we know we did it wrong we're gonna do better on the rest of our anime stuff that we do later in the year and even though it's not a holiday movie a lot of people watch it around the holidays because it's so it feels like christmas it's like wrapping up in a blanket yeah there's just a lot of love and goodness here so how do you like it in the country have you settled in yeah hmm elle and dakota fanning voices sisters ah haunted house mommy do you like haunted houses of course i'll have to get better soon so i can meet some ghosts see that they're all just great they're just like yay ghosts want to come home if the house was haunted do you two like it yeah i'm not scared at all oh what cute hair did you do the satsuki it's very nice honey what a lucky girl you are yeah she yells at me a lot that is my kids one thing i see a lot in this film and we'll come back to this but the thing that struck me most is this is a guidebook for warm affirming child rearing whether you're a parent or a teacher or an aunt or an uncle or somebody who has kids in your lives kids often say ridiculous stuff oh sure and they feel really intense emotions about things that we as adults are like it's not that big a deal don't touch my cords for my mom you know brian regan has this great bit where parents get mad at kids because the kids are screaming that their balloon floated away but imagine as an adult that your wallet just floats away oh my wallet and this film everything that kids say our house is haunted i saw a giant fluffy what is totoro anyway he's a troll he's a forest troll yeah he's a protective forest protective forest spirit who's also a fluffy bear and i want one they love him so much they put him in toy story but i'm watching the kids say ridiculous things or things where their emotions come on too strong for us because we don't think i know i have that with my kids no this isn't even a big deal i don't know why you're so upset about this and i while watching this movie i was inspired to be a better parent because their emotions are legit oh they're real yeah and the things they talk about i love what she says we we have a haunted house and the mom's like really really that's great yeah i want to meet some ghosts my kids say to me hey dad we got a haunted house to be like we're moving and that's the end of that chapter hey mate wake up what do you think you're doing sleeping out here this is my oldest son to a t like he's just in charge even when he shouldn't be maybe you were dreaming no i saw totoro totoro you mean a troll like the one in your storybook but he caught himself totoro he was furry with a great big mouth there's a little one and a bigger one and a huge one that kept falling asleep there you are like there's a giant one like the three sizes great secret hiding place i i just love that you know daughter is missing and as soon as he finds her it's not scolding it's not a lecture it's wow this would be a great secret hiding place yeah it's almost like it was written by kids if kids could write excellent screenplays oh man yeah because like this is how we would want you to parent i love the design though when she comes when she finds totoro and he because she follows the tiny one right that's how she gets lost she follows a tiny one and there's a medium one and then they skip large and extra large just to like house sized mace that she saw a totoro here a totoro [Music] way but how often is like i'm not going in there guys hey wait up here last time the tunnel let's just hold a rose tree i didn't see another path to take hey i feel stretching his back i also love like all the backgrounds in this are so painterly uh-huh and kind of you know impressionist paintings they're just beautiful i really did see toad road i'm not lying and they stop yep and the dad's response is just great here her little face it's not a lie dad don't worry may satsuki and i believe you and i bet you i know what happened you must have met one of the spirits of the forest that means you're a very lucky girl but you can't always see the spirits you can only see them when they want you to hey let's give the forest spirits a proper greeting a greeting of course come on let's go dad she says the hole disappeared then right now the forest spirits don't want to be seen but dad i want to see them too maybe you will if you're lucky but there's no okay girls enough of this nonsense long ago back in the time when trees and people used to be friends in the time when treason people used to be friends [Music] but he's got the same sense of one's treatment i knew this would be a good place for our family to live i think it'll make your mother feel right at home so let's give this tree a nice greeting and go eat our lunch then i want to write a letter to mom and tell her all about this i will too pay attention thank you for watching over may and making us feel so welcome here please continue to look after yeah i mean i can see that because all of that's very eastern yeah you know this is not just like oh this is just a japanese thing it's just a cute dad thing maybe squirrels live here squirrels i think rats eat acorns maybe they're rats no squirrels are better so you're you're tearing up a little right now of course i am are you kidding me what what got you there it just the um just that moment of the dad connecting with his kids in a way that they understand and that's the thing that they're gonna you know they're gonna take that with them for the rest of their lives this this moment of you know my dad acknowledging my feelings and helping me to like understand them and whatever yeah you know they're going to look back if they grow up hopefully they uh keep seeing totoros and cat buses their whole life because that'd be great but if not and they grow up and you know grow out of childish things or whatever they'll look back at that and just say oh my dad was such a great positive affirming loving guy yeah right so often we get caught up in adulting an adult thing's hard it's no fun and it sucks and so often it's like no i'm working so you can play so just go play and let me work i edit in my basement and my kids come down every day and want to chat and do stuff and it's like yeah i suck at it you're their best friend dad you be the flower shop okay and i'm like his best friend and how does it feel when your best friend's like i i can't i don't have time for you but like the reality of it is i also can't just stop what i'm doing all the time and play with them until sundown because then i won't get sleep look it's morning [Music] you have to have that balance but how often where i'm i'm kneeling down to hug people good night and then they dog pile on me and i don't want to be dog piled on it's the end of the day i'm kind of grumpy i just wanted to give them a quick hug good night or how often they tell me things and i'm just like ugh okay yeah yep tell me your story about you and your friends on the trampoline that's great and i'm just thinking of all i have to do tonight and i'm not saying i'm always like that very often i'm the only dad on the playground who's on the playground yeah doing stuff and scrambling around which is why i i've started yoga because we're getting old man yeah the roller slides they they hit differently also i don't think they're designed for like 200 pound dudes [Music] but i'm watching this and i'm just reminded of the type of parent that i want to be yeah you know that when she's talking about totoro and he says he's going along with the mythology and he's making stuff up along with her yeah or he says yeah well i guess the spirits don't want to show themselves right now so we'll just come back later instead of stop being ridiculous there's no such thing as four spirits i'm eating mountain mist but it's mountain dew flavored popcorn i've got sour power mainly because this color palette is approximately my feelings watching my neighbor totoro this might be one of my favorite flavors lisa'spopcorn.com forward slash cinema therapy you can get a subscription box they'll ship you six different flavors a month granny what's wrong i don't know she said she wouldn't stop crying unless i brought her to you she said that may be reasonable you know you have to stay with granny today because i have school and dad's teaching at the university and she just will not be consoled can't you just stay with granny until then she's been so good up till now weren't you may so she's obviously you know dealing with stuff from mom not being around but the thing i love about this is you know may is i don't know three or four or something like that so she's like i'll see what we can do and brings her into class she's just happy as a clam and of course all these like first or second graders are responding exactly the way they would it's just the kids are so much like real kids yeah like completely irrational that's a sea ride kid drawing if i ever said that is 100 one of my kids it's a big total bro try to keep quiet will you that is my daughter be quiet sure sure i'll be quiet one of the things that i love about this movie is it just nails little kids they have their own logic that is not logical and you know to me like this is this is absolutely the correct behavior that i should be doing yeah well and our fans have asked us you know show us more positive examples of what healthy relationships look like so let's talk about attachment theory for a second uh healthy attachment and then insecure attachment there's anxious and avoidant and ambivalent and we can we'll we'll actually go deep into all of that in a different video may is healthily attached so with unhealthy attachments you have either people who are never there for you so you learn just to shut down and you just take care of yourself and you don't form connections or you can be you can be anxiously attached because people are sometimes there for you and sometimes not sometimes loving sometimes harshness is like unpredictable yeah and it's yeah and that's where the anxiety comes from is i don't know what i'm gonna get right whereas mae has a father and a mother and a sister who i mean they're not completely they're not perfect it's not unrealistic her sister starts with may be reasonable may it's okay i'll be home in two hours and i'm not saying we should always give kids exactly what we want but sometimes we're afraid to because we don't want to spoil them or because we don't want to teach them they get what they anything they want but there's a difference between i would like ice cream for breakfast and can i just hang out with you because i'm scared or i'm lonely right you know there's a huge difference there and her sister's like okay we'll see what we can do i mean throughout this whole film there's actually not a ton of conflict here and there's not like towards the end yeah there's there's some tension and some danger but for most of the film there's not a lot going on except for just people to kind of be they're leaving each other there's not really a plot like if you ask me to describe what happens in this movie it's like a family moves to the countryside they meet some forest spirits or monster things that are cute one of them gets lost she gets found the end that's literally all that happens and i just want to just live inside of it i want to cut it open like a tauntaun and just insert me in there it just goes to show oftentimes filmmakers have to create conflict and tension out of where there doesn't need to be any because i think it's necessary and i don't know i think we all have enough drama in our real lives that sometimes it's nice just to sit with something that just is like you said it's just a warm blanket there's something so reassuring about this entire film well and i mean just to address the filmmaking here that's incredibly hard to pull off like how do you make something like this where there's no conflict and it's not boring yeah because this could tip into boring real easy and i wasn't bored the answer is to be really charming to be really warm and to be really imaginative i guess that's it and put things on screen that people have never seen before [Music] [Music] the doctor said that mom's not doing well so she doesn't get to come home this weekend no fear it can't be helped me what if she came home early and it made her even worse it's not fair may we just have to wait a little longer wanted to die mae is that what you want no you're such a baby just grow up this part's a little less warm blankety yeah i mean this is the one bit of like real conflict in the film right is that scene come on [Music] oh that is so grating because i have a daughter and have heard that before don't worry your father is going to stop by the hospital the doctors say your mom just has a cold she should be home next saturday this is just like last time they said mom just had a little cold and she'd be home in a few days granny what will we do if she dies sasky maybe she's dead already i have an 11 year old daughter who very often has to be the adult sweet girl but every once in a while i'm reminded that she's a child just slips back into that yeah well she's used to being stoic and being the big sister yeah okay what i want to talk about is we sometimes have a hard time with children because children have strong emotions just like us and they don't know how to make sense of them they don't know how to process them and we just want them to grow up right the issue that i've seen in therapy and in life is first of all most adults don't know how to healthily process their emotions yeah i need to grow up i haven't gotten there yet or to express their fear or their sadness or their anger in a healthy way that brings people closer together sure but we expect kids to somehow do this yeah you magically be better at this than me just do that now yeah and so here's me and she's worried about her mom and now if you look at it from an adult perspective or even from a big sister perspective may's being ridiculous sure mom needs to stay there if she comes home she could get worse so she just needs to stay at the doctor's office but to me she's been so looking forward to having her mom home and all she can think of is how unfair it is that her mom has to stay yeah i'll give her the coin that i pick that will make her better [Music] and so she says it's unfair it's unfair and what she's really looking for is for her sister to put her arms around her and say it's not fair you're right like it's really sad and i'm really sorry but instead her sister's just scolding or lecturing or correcting her and we do this with kids and we do this with each other as we l as we scold we lecture we correct instead of just empathizing and this isn't just a kid thing it's just especially a kid thing but all of us need empathy all of us need sympathy all of us just need for someone to acknowledge yeah this sucks instead her sister tries to get her to change her behavior by being rational and then when that doesn't work she shames her do you want mom to die is that it yeah which of course she doesn't so may again if you're looking at it as an adult you might think well may's refusing to be satisfied she's saying it's unfair mom can't come home but she also doesn't want her mom to die so mae won't be happy no matter what and we think how ridiculous how childish how selfish how but really it's just an expression of pain right and so when it comes to people and emotions especially children and their emotions we often look at validation as if it's this um it's a word for the week oh i need value and we we talk about it like that as if it's only weak people need that yeah if you were strong you would never need validation you could just be your own man and to be mad it's like a man thing yeah every man is an island well it's a man but then it's also a woman thing when women are taught like that being vulnerable makes them weak true and so women who want equal standing and equal status also do okay what men have always done which is they stuff their emotions still i can stuff your emotions so that's a that's a backfire but the simple fact is we all need to feel understood it's not weakness for someone to say you're not crazy for feeling this or i totally get where you're coming from or even you know i've never been there but i'm here for you right right and so what ends up happening that may runs she runs away from her sister she's trying to run towards her mother we all try to run to the place or the people with whom we feel safe and that will lead us to run away from situations from obligations from relationships when we should stay and if she would if she were older and had the learning to do so she could have said i just need you to hold me right now and tell me that it's going to be okay yeah or can you just tell me that it sucks that mom's not here right and that's another thing is well and so many of us as adults don't have that tool set right like we don't know what we want we just have to feel a thing yeah and like it takes a lot of sort of self-knowledge to figure out oh what i really need is to feel this right now can you let me feel it yeah not i need a cure for it or sometimes it's oh i actually need a solution to this yeah so like give me a hug and then tell me how to fix it and the beautiful thing about self-knowledge is it then helps us to understand others sure because if i'm in touch that hey when i'm upset i just need someone to hug me what can i have a hug no give me a hug no way come here i'm not coming over there let's go forget it pronto i've had an experience with my wife where she told me when i'm angry with you i need you to put your arms around me and i'm like really she says yeah i'm like but you give me that look that makes me think you're gonna murder me yeah this seems like a real good way for me to get neat in the crotch are we satisfied almost [Music] she's like no when i'm most angry is when i need you to hug me and it just goes against my because what i get in that moment is back away slowly sure and by her voicing that is very powerful to me right because now i know what to do and with my kids they're not going to voice that because they don't know they don't have the skill set yeah they're just feeling all this and part of being a patient parent or caregiver or teacher anyone who's who's dealing with kids is recognizing that see past the behavior to the feeling because the behavior is what you walk in a rush to correct right and i say in our fight less connect more class which is on our membership site at the cinematherapy.com but we talk about uh the importance of seeing past the behavior to the emotion we try and correct behavior before we validate before we empathize and connect and people put the walls up and this is just as true for children children will receive feedback and correction if they feel respected and loved just like adults and that of course reminds me of the greatest romantic comedy of all time shawn of the dead liz mostly just needed validation she needed a little bit of behavior change from sean as well but liz grew in her ability to communicate as well thank you storyblocks for sponsoring this episode storyblocks helps creators like me create more video content and make it awesome like michael bay awesome pussycat awesome barbecue awesome my own personal savior they've got a huge library of royalty-free footage the biggest biggest of it's big sound effects music it's demand driven so they're constantly updating it with new material they're also committed to increasing representation with lots of diverse and inclusive content not just what's on screen but also created by people from a variety of backgrounds as well anything created by animated characters now how about some colors stupid hey no it's a blind spot for storyblocks they're getting there nobody's perfect yet you can get unlimited downloads they've got subscriptions to fit every budget and they're flexible so you can scale to fit your project's needs they're more flexible than this oh boy so click the link below storyblocks.com cinema therapy and get creating oi boy today today so now her sister's mae's sister has found her well my sister is finding her here we go with the help of a cat bus how about the arms stick out for balance the world's greatest public transportation system well maybe [Music] [Laughter] you're okay i'm sorry it's this close to creepy yeah were you trying to take your corn to mom at the hospital [Music] [Laughter] but she doesn't lecture her she's just okay help me understand why you did this you're going to take us to the hospital [Music] thank you more buses should be huggable with a big smile the unbleeding smile like i say it's a step away from creepy it's it is creepy but it's just it's so lovely look mom's okay [Music] [Laughter] just all the different legs holding the tree i'm going to hurry up and get well that's the spirit huh how did they get it that close without making a noise who left this well if there's one thing i know about four-year-olds is what they're great at sneaking it's true smiling at us are yours mine are terrible at it uh mine are great at sneaking when they want to be but then they will also for mommy walk into something loud and give themselves away depending on the day yay and this is a song you're gonna have in your head for the next three weeks you're welcome that is so cool [Music] i love this movie so much it's so sweet there's not a ton going on in this movie it's just beautiful art the design particularly the creature character design is i mean look at this guy it is perfect they they achieved it they created the world's cutest thing totoro's got dead fish eyes oh sure is there's something uh something so off about him and yet the bizarreness is what makes him what makes him adorable like the weirdness is what makes it work yeah he's not predictably cute like just your average teddy bear like he's looking at both of us at the same time he's looking at both of us at the same time and i'm here for it i love totoro like i just want more films like this that are just like nice and sweet and kind and don't have i mean it doesn't have a lot to say other than that yeah to just be good it's a very gentle but also very thorough exploration of understanding the emotions of children yeah and understanding how to create healthy attachments with children our attachment styles are with us throughout our lives which you can learn more about in this mended light video right here but what i will say is when we are affirming when we are equally imaginative when we're able to get down on our knees and go into the tree forts you know when we're and and when we don't shut kids down for being kids for having imaginations for enjoying life or having fun for being loud they feel loved now yeah of course there can be time and a place i mean my kids aren't loud in every single place but i think we lose a lot when we think our role as parents is just to provide my favorite role as parent is to play and one thing that i realize is it's not just for my kids when i play with my kids half-heartedly it's just for them it's like okay but what you're really getting to play with your kids totally it is incredibly stress relieving it is stress relieving it's energizing i feel younger when i'm done with it until i have to stand up and then my back hurts and you don't have to deal with the guilt if i keep pawning my kids off when i play with my kids i'm like i'm a good dad i'm a good dad damn it i know now if you love what we're doing here at cinema therapy please share with your friends like subscribe and click the bell there are a lot of people i've talked to who enjoy our videos but keep missing videos and have to catch up or they say you should do a video on this film and i'm like we did one we did every week you will get a notification on your phone or on your youtube when you log in saying that you've got something new from cinema therapy so you won't miss a thing so until next time [Music] and watch movies [Music] door [Music]

Channel: Cinema Therapy

Views: 565,870

Keywords: cinematherapy, cinema therapy, mental health, counseling, therapy, mental health therapy, Jonathan Decker, Alan Seawright

Id: 16YcWCbPoWs

Length: 28min 31sec (1711 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 14 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Elegant_Tension_9108]

Even though this wasn't a "sad" or "emotional" episode necessarily, I caught myself crying almost the whole video. As an aunt who catches herself having a hard time with the littles, I needed this reminder of how to love and communicate with kids on a level that is so beneficial to the both of us. I frequently catch myself trying to logic little kid emotions like they were talking about in the episode,, and I needed that reminder that validation is enough...I'm definitely going to be using a lot of this when I have my own kids, but I'm greatful for the practice I get with my niece and nephew.

[u/Terezi1093]

Such an amazing movie and so wholesome! Thx for doing a video on one of the my fav movies. Hope to see more Studio Ghibli content 🙏

[u/Knollza]

In the episode they talk a lot about the examples of parenting in this movie, but I originally connected with the little girls because their relationship was so similar to me and my own sister. It helped me understand how to better react when my sister, or anyone really, was having the emotional kind of response that Mei does. Even as a kid when I didn't fully understand the "why", this movie taught me to be more empathetic in those situations. I'm so glad they covered this movie and I'd love to see more react videos to other studio ghibli films!

[u/MizStazya]

I haven't read any comments, but I absolutely loved this movie. I haven't watched it since my mom died or since I had kids.

TAKING BETS NOW WILL I CRY?!

[u/gamingwonton]

My Neighbor Totoro is my all time favorite childhood movie. Two thoughts:

1. The original dub is far superior than Dakota and Elle Fanning’s performance. Sure, I’m biased due to nostalgia. The original performances feel more authentic to me. If you ever get a chance to watch it, I highly recommend it. I still have it on VHS with no way to play it.

2. I have a 1 year old, and we recently started watching Bluey on Disney+. It’s another fantastic example of positive parenting and wholesome family moments. My 1 year old only pays attention during the theme song to do a happy wiggle dance. I keep playing Bluey because I love the stories. I’m learning how I want to parent as my baby grows into a child. Bluey and My Neighbor Totoro both show positive parenting, and I wish more media portrayed family relationships in such a thoughtful way.