The Wit & Wisdom of President Ronald Reagan

mr. president in talking about the continuing recession tonight you have blamed mistakes of the past and you blamed the Congress does any of the blame belong to you yes because for many years I was a Democrat told that this is all off the record and that the cameras are all off is that right I was told that because I've been waiting years to do this right here and tell you that one of my visits I won't name him I don't want to embarrass him but one of the heads of state that I met with on this visit he gave me one while I was on the way told me the story about the two fellows in the Soviet Union were walking down the street and the one of them says have we really achieved full communism is this it is this now full communism and the other one said oh hell knows things are gonna get a lot worse said that Castro was making a speech to a large assembly and he was going on at great length and then a voice out in the crowd said peanuts popcorn Cracker Jack and he went on speaking and again the voice said peanuts popcorn Cracker Jack and about the fourth time this happened he stopped in his regular speech and he said the next time he says that he says I'm gonna find out who he is and kick him all the way to Miami and everybody in the crowd said peanuts popcorn Soviet Union who went out to one of those state collective farms grabbed the first worker he came to said how are the crops always said the crops never been better just wonderful he said how about potatoes oh he said comrade commissar if we could put the potatoes in one pile they would reach the foot of God and the commissar said this is the Soviet Union there is no God he says that's all right there are no potatoes quotations about age comes from Thomas Jefferson he said that we should never judge a president by his age only by his work and ever since he told me that I've stopped we just show you how youthful I am I intend to campaign in all 13 States President Washington began this tradition in 1790 after reminding the nation that the destiny of self-government and the preservation of the sacred fire of Liberty is finally staked on the experiment entrusted to the hands of the American people for our friends in the press who plays a high premium on accuracy let me say I did not actually hear George Washington say we will not make age an issue of this campaign I am NOT going to exploit for political purposes my opponents youth and inexperience Russian arguing about their two countries and the Americans said look in my country I can walk into the Oval Office I can pound the president's desk and say mr. president I don't like the way you're running our country and a Russian said I can do that the Americans you can he says yes I can go into the Kremlin to the general secretary's office found his desk and say mr. general secretary I don't like the way President Reagan's running his country American dog and a Polish dog and a Russian dog they were all having a visit and the American dog was telling about how things were in this country he said you know you Barton you have to get bark long enough and then somebody comes along and gives you some meat and the Polish dog said what's meat Russian dog says oh it's bark the story of a fella who was running for office as a Republican and he was in a rural area and that wasn't known to be Republican and he stopped by a farm to do some campaigning and when the farmer heard he was a Republican his jaw dropped and he said wait right here till I go get more she's never seen a Republican before so he got her and the candidate looked around for a podium from which to give his speech and the only thing he could find was a pile of that stuff that Bess Truman took 35 years trying to get Harry to call fertilizer so he got up on the mound and when they came back he gave his speech and at the end of it the farmer said that's the first time I ever heard a Republican speech and the candidate said that's the first time I've ever given a Republican speech from a Democratic platform about having you here is that I get to tell a farm joke now first I need a setting but Tim ricke you're from Kansas right you bet okay this takes place in Kansas was an old Kansas farmer there he had a piece of creek bottom land that had never been developed at all it was all rocks and brush and all messed up and he started in on it clearing it the underbrush and hauling away the rocks then cultivating the soil there and he planted a garden everything from vegetables onto corn and and it really became a garden spot he was pretty proud of what he'd done so one Sunday morning in church after the service he asked the preacher if he wouldn't stop by to have a look well preacher arrived and he took one look and he said oh this is wonderful he said these are the biggest tomatoes I've I have ever seen praise the Lord he said those green beans that squash those melons he said the Lord really has blessed this place and look at the height of that corn he said that God has really been been good and the old boy was listening to all this and he was getting more and more fidgety and finally he blurted out Reverend I wish you coulda seen it when the Lord was doing it by himself lawyer said to him while you were lying there at the scene of the accident didn't someone come up to you and ask you how you were feeling and didn't you answer that you never felt better in your life well he said yeah yes I guess I remember that that happening well later on redirect another lawyer was asking the question and he said what were the circumstances when you gave that answer as to how you felt well he said I was lying there and he said a car came up and a deputy sheriff got out he said my horse was neighing with pain and kicking at two broken legs the deputy sheriff put the gun in his ear and and put the horse out of his misery he said my dog had a broken back and was whining with pain and he went over did the same thing but there and shot him then he came over to me and said no how you feeling just down at the entrance of his building there was an elderly lady selling pretzels and every day he'd go by and he'd put a quarter down and never take a pretzel go on in he was being very charitable this went on for some time and he came along one day put down his quarters started and she took him by the arm and he looked at her and he said well you probably want to know why for this full year I've been leaving 25 cents on the plate not taking a pretzel and she said no I just wanted to tell you the pretzels of 35 cents now those leaves sticking out the side of the cliff and looked down 300 feet to the canyon floor below and then looked up and said lord if there's anyone up there give me faith tell me what to do and a voice from the heavens said if you have faith let go he looked down to the canyon floor and then took another look up and says is there anyone else up the importance of communication and how much a part it plays and what you and I what all of us are trying to do and one day a former place kicker with the Los Angeles Rams who later became a sports announcer Danny Villanueva told me about communications he said he'd been having dinner over at the home of young ball player with the Dodgers the young wife was bustling about getting the dinner ready they were talking sports and the baby started to cry and over her shoulder his busy wife said to the ball player change the baby and he was a young felon he was embarrassed in front of Danny and he said what do you mean change the baby I'm a ballplayer that's not my line of work and she turned around put her hands on her hips and she communicated she said look Buster you lay the diaper out like a diamond you put second base on home plate you put the baby's bottom on the pitcher's mound you hook up first and third slide home underneath and if it starts to rain the game he'd called you start all over I thought you might like to say a few nice words to them they're all from the press and radio and television maybe just a friendly little greeting would do how about just a word or two something friendly even one kind word I'm thinking I'm thinking back road on his way to look at some property and suddenly notice down beside him was a chicken keeping pace with him and he was doing 60 miles an hour and suddenly the chicken spurred it out ahead of him and it looked to him as if the chicken had three legs and then it turned and went down a sign road and into a barnyard and the driver turned down that Lane drove into the barnyard was a farmer there and he asked me said did you see a chicken go by here and the farmer said yep he says did they have three legs and the farmer says yep I raised him that way I breed him he said you do he said how come well he said I just love the drumstick and always liked the drumstick now juniors come along and he likes it we just got tired of fighting over it so I've been reading three legged chickens my driver said well how do they taste he says I don't know I haven't been able to catch one yeah this fellow they've nominated claims he's the new Thomas Jefferson well let me tell you something I knew Thomas Jefferson he was a friend of mine and governor you're no Thomas California I plan to lean back kick up my feet and take a long nap I come to think of it things won't be all that different after all the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma they end up taking up a hospital bed it costs when if they just give you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment and a breathalyzer or emulator not a breathalyzer what they'll say is well it costs too much money but you know what it would cost but it would cost about the same as what we would spend it over the course of 10 years it would cost what it costs us it alright okay we're going to be it would cost us about the same as it would cost for about hold on one second I can't hear myself but I'm glad you're fired out though I'm glad I shut up you you

Channel: MorozLaw

Views: 1,428,596

Rating: 4.8099194 out of 5

Keywords: Ronald Reagan (US President), Judge Hal Moroz, Humor, Wit, President Reagan, Funny, Reagan Presidential Foundation, President Of The United States (Ontology Class)

Id: 2Sdm4_Y3038

Length: 13min 30sec (810 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 01 2013