The truth about dating a cop | Q&A

what's up everybody I'm just that officer and not too long ago I posted up a little post uh about that that's typically what you do with palestiny what's up everybody so I'm just that officer and not too long ago I made a post asking you guys to send me a couple questions to sit down with me and my wife a little q a going on most of you guys sent questions that were kind of mostly I think directed at me but we do have a few that are going to be for both of us or maybe just her I thought it'd be interesting since most of these questions are kind of directed at me to kind of just see how much she knows yeah I don't know we'll just get into it so I said it on Instagram and I said on YouTube YouTube threw a lot of good questions I had only like three people on Instagram so you guys need to step that game up on Instagram but through all those we'll go through them I think we got enough to fill this video and we'll be good this is uh just just that wife misses just Ruby misses just that officer yeah there we go okay so we're gonna go to this Instagram once first uh Noah C asked uh do you need a bachelor's degree to become a cop no well not everywhere uh it is required at the federal level I believe that you do have to have an advanced degree to be a Federal Officer but I mean where he works and pretty much anywhere around here like City sheriff whatever you don't have to have a bachelor's she's right especially nowadays it's it's obviously a little tough to get officers period um so that's kind of not a big deal but once you start to move up in the chain of command you are going to have to get a degree most agencies want you to have some type of degree at least a bachelor's once become a lieutenant or hire or a captain at least or higher but for the most part to get into the door no you don't need it okay Dixon 0-2 you good at acting or dancing so I don't know if this question is directed at me or you or both of us um all right well I'll answer it are you a good actor yeah I did I did a lot of musical theater production for like 12 solid years of my life and I did a lot of singing I have actually some state level awards for singing and I was also no that doesn't you don't need to do that uh I was also on a dance team in college it's pretty cool I haven't done any other things in a million years but am I good at acting or dancing I don't know if I've ever really acted as a YouTuber well okay so you know some of my intros is acting my gas mask videos and acting okay but which would you rather do would you rather act or dance if you it just really depends you know am I a good dancer You See Me dance I've actually I've actually kind of always wanted to try it out you would need to be you would need to be like have to be in something what is that Jack Jack Jack Creature move is it a movie yeah I don't know you would have to play some like badass military man yeah you'd have to play something like that yeah and then after the practice crying or something so I'm not really good at that part but yeah I guess I guess that answers your question that's random but okay it is random I think this is RS Max what's your favorite part about being a police officer what's my favorite part paycheck yeah I mean no it's uh it's I don't know the thrill the the unknown is my favorite part I guess because you never know what the day is going to bring I don't know I love the adrenaline rush of the foot pursuit I don't know it's being straight honest with you guys that's the things I love about the job this is exciting well I think it's like you could miss it yeah like you would be so bored and so in like 90 of every other career and I could give you a cliche answer like you know I I do it because I want to help people oh yeah I want to help people but what I what I really enjoy is the excitement from everything and I do enjoy like especially kids like when kids get excited uh to see me or something like that that's that's cool well I think it's not the excitement of like I don't even interpret excitement of like oh I get to like Chase somebody down and throw them in jail today like I don't think that's your excitement I think your excitement is like every day is different and you don't know what situations you're gonna go into and they might be like really positive outcomes or they might be like you know obviously you could Chase somebody you might have a day that's just meh yeah like you wrote a couple you know parking tickets I don't know uh sometimes my favorite part is the paycheck and decent medical benefits yeah but it's not that good papers it's too good no I said a paycheck I didn't say like a high pitch just money all right we're gonna jump over to the YouTube comments here Aiden so Aiden says does your department have it where they can call you out 24 7 if there's an emergency if so do you just grab your stuff then leave or is there a method to the madness where you have to get ready and look around the house for your keys or something anyways thanks for what you do love the content keep it going thank you Aiden appreciate it uh great question I just think this video is my brain I just pictured you like like running around 3 A.M that's never where's my keys [Music] but it makes me laugh having a mental image of that so what do you think the answer is this one um the answer is yeah I mean you kind of could be on call 24 7. I mean in your actual job my position I am on call every other week every other week but besides the point yeah yeah I mean if okay the few times that has really hit the fan you have just gone you have just been calling and gone but I think it's like I mean all your stuff is in one spot like you're so cool together well there's that and then like myself uh most of the stuff is in the car already because we get to take homework yes I mean you're not like so I'm blessed in that sense I know there's a lot of agencies that don't let you take home cars so you have your stuff in a bag so you yeah you would just kind of grab that bag um if your weapons aren't secure it's taking weapons out of your in your house that are secure and bring them with you and so forth so yeah it could depend but for me um everything's pretty much ready to go I just gotta obviously put my uniform on and get out the door if the city's falling apart and getting burned down or something like that I don't I mean obviously it'd probably be about the same depending on where you're at and stuff like that just get in here as soon as you possibly can all right so Ryan poitrus poitrus how does being in law enforcement affect your marriage is a question for us look at that do you find it difficult to flip the switch from work mode to off duty I've heard that's what a lot of people in this business struggle with do you think I have a difficulty uh I think that's like two entirely different questions so how does being law enforcement affect your marriage stuck in two there you know I like it no they go they go together but I mean so for us when I met just that officer he was not just that officer and so like we grew up together and then into the law enforcement world like I think it would have been different if you were already an officer when we met but like he wasn't an officer then we were together for a year he did it together yeah we were together for a year before he went in the academy and then like we were together through the academy and then finding him like finding a job and then like I mean just all the things so like our relationship was growing like that's cheesy I don't know how to say it but our relationship was developing in years as he was transitioning into being an officer and now we've been together almost 11 years December will be 11 years that we've been like together during officially and you've been you'll be an officer for 10 years so it's like our Mo most of our life now has just been this but we also also learned it together like we figured it out together yeah he didn't already have like some law enforcement life before I met him no I guess so I feel like it is different than maybe somebody who just like met an officer who was already a seasoned officer yeah you're brought into that world and you don't understand it and you're just thrown into it yeah that could be a big big shock big struggle especially with you know nights and day shifts and stuff like that and that was always a struggle for us I'm really lucky to be in the position I'm in right now because I don't have to switch the nights of days on this on day shift so family life is great I love my position as well so I'm really lucky but I David bark six years on the road before I could get to that position which was kind of a nightmare I mean quite honestly like every four months like he would work if he was on nights he'd work two nights in a row then be off for two nights and then work every other weekend and I work a normal job like I've always worked a nine to five Monday through Friday and so like when he was on nights I never saw I mean really because he would be gone before I got home from work and I'd be out the house before he woke up the next day like never saw him you know weekends were the only time I had off and he worked every other one and so yeah I mean it really sucked it was like yeah it really sucked and then it was okay because we got into a routine because it was just him and I and then we had a kid and it really sucks so yeah I would have to see my wife and kid in transition so my wife would be coming home picking up her kids from daycare and I'd be going into work and I have to stop and meet her at like a grocery store parking lot parking lot to say Hey you know for a few minutes before I get the next call so yeah it could be it could be really rough really hard the family but you have to really understand each other and do the best you can to make every bit of time count when you're off duty also I think there's a whole other level like for the person left behind like whether the wise officer or the husband's officer or whatever your situation is when you have kids that meant that 99 of the child care in the house care and everything fell on me just because he wasn't there like he couldn't be there right so like if he was on night shift I worked all day and then was up all night feeding her like she was an in I mean little and I worked a full-time job so like it is a tremendous amount of work on the other person whoever they are when you have kids and especially for us like you know we had a newborn it was just a really hard it was a really hard first year of being parents because he wanted to be there it wasn't that he didn't but he wasn't so that sucked for me and so it meant that like I was frazzled I was tired yeah he was sad because he missed out on time with her and with us it kind of feels so long ago go because we don't live that life anymore thank God but I mean he was also like really I almost missed my daughter first time walking I pushed her over so I came home from work and that was a great moment where I came kind of like going a little farther in this question but it's okay but this is real stuff yeah um but yeah like I came home from work and she she walked towards me and that was awesome so I was really lucky to have that you have to work around everything so once I had like nights and you know we still had a newborn it was kind of easier on her because she could sleep and I can kind of stay up with the baby when she woke up in the middle of the night and stuff like that so you do the best you can and then I think the other thing is is that like we lost at your job a lot differently once we had a kid like your whole life changes and you start to think about like what would happen if something happened to me like what happens to our our kids if something happens to us we got life insurance we got Wills yeah I mean but that's that's like I mean God forbid but those in your job that there's a higher chance of something bad happening than than maybe in most jobs so I think you have to be really aware of that and prepared for that and we had conversations around that and we have wills and we have guardianship paper and it's I mean everyone should have that it's not everyone should have a place yeah but also it does make you think like that had always been his job and I'd always you know be careful like whatever but then when you have a kid you're like oh yeah really what should we do a lot of things but yeah so I just think you know anybody who has a more dangerous job there's a lot of emotions in that especially when you start a family feeling like I said even if you don't stay prepared get a will yes because Jesus Takes you out fun fact even if you're married and everything's in both of your names if something happens to one of you without a will it still has to go through court and probate it's not automatically the other person's you could talk about the flipping the switch flipping I don't know was it was it hard to go from work mode I remember in the camera like hey don't really don't bring stuff home with you I don't really talk about things at work there's some things that like you do kind of leave at home but you gotta talk to somebody and my wife is my best friend and I tell her I tell her a lot of things it helps me like helps me then she does the same thing with her work stuff and I come home and I have to hear all the drama but she events and I vent and uh that's it that's how you work well together and it's work so far so I mean the thing is that like I mean I think that that advice is why like police mental health is so poor and why unfortunately like you can't keep things I mean and you can't keep saying you see some like you have seen some things that are life-altering that would change somebody's life yeah I would say more frequently sure I do probably because it's just the area they worked in and I couldn't imagine but like you can't keep that to yourself you should like why would you yeah if anything if you don't want to talk to your wife about stuff or get a therapist yeah somebody you can vent to go somewhere because it's like think about it if anybody like if I had a traumatic experience like just as a not officer anybody would say hey go talk to somebody like that's terrible you should get help for that but like you could easily see that every day like why would you not talk to somebody about that yeah that doesn't even make any sense and I couldn't imagine like there's people out there who are are married and they're both Law Enforcement Officers we have friends of ours who are both law enforcement we're just talking to this tonight yeah they're on opposite schedules yeah like they're completely I'll never really see each other it's it's and they have two little kids that's a whole other level when you're bold in law enforcement or both in a shift work type of situation that's a whole other level it's love to hear some topics that's his tops but tips there'll be tips for couples who are new to law enforcement keep up the great content thank you Jay I kind of just talked about a good chunk of it I mean I think it depends on how you're new to it but like for us when you were doing the academy like for me as the non-officer I just got like really involved I think it helped that like I helped him study for exams in the Academy I helped him like prep his and whatever whatever and then like fill out all the freaking applications for the you know getting your job like when you were applying and like interviewing and stuff I just think it's like both of you get involved in it like you would anything else in your life I ain't like buying a house yeah like I mean I think it helps to not feel excluded from it it helped me to feel not excluded like it's a big I mean it is just your job but employees think it's never like just a job it's like a whole life thing so just like you'd get involved in anything else in each other's lives I feel like you need to be involved in it which also comes back to like he comes home and talks about it he doesn't like shut it out at the door and so it makes me feel like almost better because I kind of know what's going on at work so I don't get as scared I don't get as nervous or I'm not worried as much yeah I'll say like when going back to the switch thing talking about the switch is more like you know don't take the the home with you like don't bring those people that make you mad and that you kept your cool on the road but then you want to take it out when you get home like don't do that like run and you know go for a run do some kind of exercise that's probably one of the best ways to kind of vent out your frustrations and so forth talk about things uh with your spouse but don't bring home the negativity all right I'm about to start the academy with my wife or started the academy and my wife is worried about the police force changing me and the high divorce rates and officers marriage any inside of the subject again I think we just covered a lot of that it's about like I just said like you just yeah it's definitely a lot of concern but like if you guys are in it together and being it together if you're not it's gonna be tough and I mean I think it's also really goes back to like you can leave the negative at the door like if you had a really hard day and this pretty much goes for anyone law enforcement or not but if you had a really hard day and you're feeling like really agitated and angry don't bring that home come home and just be honest like I had a really bad day XYZ happened I'm having a hard time dealing with it because she your wife in this scenario can understand that but what she can't understand is if you come home huffing and puffing like you're angry because then she starts to think like did I do something like come home and just be honest about the fact that you had a day if that's the case I think where people go wrong and why there is a high divorce rate is that they just bottle it up right she's not going to understand that of what your side of the world is even us like before going into law enforcement you were civilian you didn't really have an idea at least I was totally blind you don't get the whole picture you don't get the whole picture so you gotta show the whole picture you know you gotta explain the whole picture of what's going on yeah honestly it's just really just communication and communication and any relationship is really the key not keeping anything from each other and like it's just previously is just when you get home you're home and you're with your wife she has her life too and whatever she's doing at work or whatever's going on you're supporting her as well I think we always knew the pitfalls so we were really careful about those we knew it would suck sometimes but we also knew how we could you know make it better being intentional with our time being like communicative about what was bothering us yeah a real Tim Rock This is the real Tim Rock what's it like to be an officer and married to an officer in today's day and age with the climate of defund the police and all its hate towards police how do you each cope with it by the way I fully support please thank you thank you thank you for I can clarifying here's what I'll say I've always been there yes police work has always been dangerous police work had I mean listen nobody loves the police like they enforce laws like just Tim Rock loves the police he fully supports them he loves them well you're interpreting his words the thing is is that nobody likes to be told that they up right so like if you're speeding you knew you were speeding but you don't like to be pulled over and told by somebody that has any kind of authority that you were speeding right and I mean that's a simple example but like I've been pulled over for speeding I did not like being pulled out for speeding like and I was married to him nobody likes no nobody likes it right remember let's get stopped in the middle of their day hey it's me the police yeah like we're never really The Good the good guys showing up not always but hardly ever but hardly ever and I think the other thing is that there are police who are not great at being police and I think for me it's like when when we talk about like you know the climate of defund the police and all this hate towards police yeah it exists how I cope with it is that my police officer is not that kind of officer and I can't convince everyone of that and I'm I wouldn't right like nobody's perfect but I know that my husband goes to work every day and he is really thoughtful and really intentional and really empathetic he is out there to enforce laws so that people stay safe so that they stop running stoplights that could kill somebody so that they slow down in school zones so kids don't get clipped by a car that is the mindset that he goes out and works under it's not about how many tickets can I write how many people can I take to jail how many people's day can I ruin and quite honestly there are officers that are in that mindset it's just a fact like I'm not even saying we know them but they exist right there's you know power hungry people who get into positions of power all the time professions you know there's so many Law Enforcement Officers out there in the United States and in the world this just takes these small incidents no big incidents I guess but but that's all everybody's going to hear about that's all everybody's going to see um it's a very nuanced conversation but at the end of the day when it comes to how do I feel about being married to a law enforcement officer I am 5 000 confident that my law enforcement officer really is out there first and foremost to help somebody out and he's not there to ruin anyone's day he doesn't walk into a single situation saying how can I make this worse for somebody he wants to be fair he enforces the law but there is no bone in my body that worries about him you know even remotely acting as those officers in the George Floyd scenario did or so many of the incidents that were completely unnecessary that we've we've seen in recent years I think that if you if you are married to an officer who is a hot head who is power hungry by his role or her role I think you probably think about some of these things like defunding the police and hate towards officers a lot more yeah I mean and it's scary because not all these incidents were were bad by law enforcement they were just split-second decisions that you know made them look like they were bad and I don't blame those incidents on those officers because it could very well happen there's so much Nuance I think that's the thing there's so much Nuance around but there's time there's ones that are there are ones that are really really bad blue line defense says please not live though didn't want to live stream and I think that's all of our questions but yeah um I don't know we have anything else to add here I mean I think the thing is is that it's a it's a hard life it can be a hard life a hard job to have and have a family or just even a spouse of any kind because it's unforgiving in a lot of ways like I mean your schedules are scheduled you can't run home and like pick your kid up from school at three every day like I mean it's not there's not a lot of flexibility there I think the biggest thing is just transparency and honesty and like really good communication everything from like I'm having a hard day to like could you pick up the mail you know what I mean like just all the things I think get another good thing to throw in here going back to like you know your your spouse or whoever's not in law enforcement is not in law enforcement they don't quite understand everything like sometimes she'll bring up something to me like that's what's on the media right can you believe that this happened and I'll say well let's wait till all the facts come out and then we fight about it yeah yeah like you know not really but we have a great day but I'm like we'll just wait till the facts come out and then you know we talk about it and sometimes you know it ends up being she was right like this was a incident and her sometimes she wasn't and we jumped to conclusions a lot of people jump to conclusions I've jumped conclusions before I've posted stuff on Instagram before like what the heck or something like that and you know I didn't wait till the facts come out so we all kind of do it but just be careful in that sense explain to your spouse your side on law enforcement like what what could have happened here to prevent this or and so forth It's good to talk about that kind of stuff because it's all over the news and it's hate towards your profession so very important that the person who's getting law enforcement is really doing it for the right reasons and I think you need to be careful that the right reasons are not that you get to carry a gun that you can see wield some power please make sure that you're getting into law enforcement for all the right reasons it's not impossible to get into if you're a good grown up you don't got anything on your record physically decently fit past the academy pass the academy academics doesn't mean that you're cut off for law enforcement many people do that stuff even think they have an idea of what law enforcement is and then they actually get into the field and they get scared or they don't like all the paperwork and stuff like that there's no there's a lot of paperwork yeah I think it's like it's really your soft skills are you empathetic are you honest and transparent like even when it's not in your favor don't be a jerk but that's really my motto for everybody yeah it has nothing to do with just law enforcement thanks guys for being here hopefully we answered all of your questions um and more shout out to my wife for joining me on this and uh answering these questions for you guys best of luck if you're jumping into this crazy life yep you got it it's an adventure it's something that could be coming on from a desk job every day and coffee's pulled on my shirt and complaining about that but she gets to hear some crazy stuff I work at a desk job and I never spilled coffee on myself but you never have any crazy stories honey I've never really what I saw that so half the size of this guy's head was gone honestly I'm much trying to live my life behind a desk I don't want to see how the head I live in fear that that like Acts accident and see things I didn't want to see all right guys thanks for watching and we'll see you guys next time [Music]

Channel: Just.that.officer

Views: 6,696

Keywords: relationship advice, love, problems in relationships, relationships with cops, married to law enforcement, married to a cop, being married to a cop, dating a cop, loving a cop

Id: c0Jw4lDNmxk

Length: 25min 23sec (1523 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 04 2022