The TERRIBLE Home Alone Reboot...

this video is sponsored by displate it's christmas time mid-november so of course the world sits in for its annual viewing of one of the most iconic movies of all time and its sequel the 1990s classic that is home alone we've covered the home alone franchise every christmas on this channel first with the home alone movies we don't talk about covering the atrocity that is number three four and five compared to the originals then last year we followed it up with the dog ripoff version that is bone alone yes that is a real thing and this is the series that just keeps giving as we now have a whole new installment number six of the official list and our seventh run through the archie gates remake that is home sweet home alone i don't have high hopes for this movie but i do have a pretty decent idea of what makes a good home alone movie having seen how it can be done badly four ish times now so let's get into disney rehashing an unoriginal idea once again presumably with all the magic ripped out of it hey you know what's relevant to a home alone video home alone merch we're sponsored by diss plate today what's a disc plate displate is a one of a kind metal poster created on a 21st century canvas that's sturdy durable and magnetic needing no tools to set up you can customize collect and rearrange them at will not only is it supported by 1.4 million artists but they even have a tree planting initiative planting one tree for every sale and they've planted 14 million trees so far they are officially partnered with all sorts of brands but as a movie channel i shall direct your attention to marvel star trek and of course home alone i also got myself a collection of some of my favorite artwork from their site so click on my link for a discount on your displays today thanks again to display for sponsoring us now i too can have home alone immortalized in my home the good ones anyway now let's get back to the bad so we start off with a bunch of people investigating a house to buy it not the worst start i can see where it's going giving us the foreshadowing elements of traps we'll see later i know where this goes i see what you're doing open is my favorite concept oh god it's going to be 90 minutes of this ain't it forgetting the dialogue for a moment the gist of this scene is people are looking to buy this adult isn't good at lifting the property up and we are following our protagonist as he's driven to the place to go pee that's the motivation all right but it does bring up our first major scene archie at max confronts the adult over a box of dolls and does his smarmy kid routine oh the boy doesn't want to share his dolly until he's eventually taken away by his mum i'm sorry has he been bothering you no he he's a delight and i can see what they were going with here but they really could have built this up a tad you know make this guy seem like he really hates this kid a little bit more to lead into where the plot goes later this is just and it's like awkward some of this execution i like the line what a mcshame but then as he drinks the mom's just standing aimlessly as archie powers up or something and while disgruntled archie looks menacingly at the dolls so driving home archie is upset for having to be cramped up with all their relatives sharing one toilet and all that but as the mom says exactly and christmas is all about spending time with family meanwhile our other pair are hiding the fact that they're selling the house from the kids over to the other family people are playing games dad is grumpy mum is on the phone sister's in vr kids are running around uncle is sitting on the couch remember how in the original films we actually saw a little bit of each of the family relatives there were these two whining about him the snotty kid buzz the big old bully uncle frank and they all to some capacity antagonize kevin something goes wrong and everyone else hates him look what you did you little jerk he's not isolated just because it's cramped but because everyone's a problem but here we've got generic gaming kids who aren't even paying attention and god forbid uncle stu can't work the homebot it's just not the same archie hides in the garage silently while back in the day kevin full-on states i hope i never see any jerks again fully leaning into what happens here it's just going through the motions we have to fill in the gaps also in the middle of the night the pair get a visit from their extended family why are there two families okay oh my gosh i'm so sorry sorry it's the last one why does he remind me of john mulaney so i was going to the store anyway the adult here now comes to discover that the doll from before is worth two hundred thousand dollars and it's missing time to visit the family who are in a rush not like a rush from the original too with montage music and fun to watch chaos just a mild rush is this a good time for a selfie in front of an uber hashtag ill judged god stop but something i do like about this little intrusion is that the dalt does get some actual intel from this one two one one one two brilliant well that's a bad code and he sees the keys but doesn't enter now nerves but to be fair same thing happens in the original so now we have a bell ringing scene why is there so much on this couple are they the protagonist anyway this scene is stupid speaking mid-performance where it's clearly not masked like is it supposed to be like the choir scene in number two like a lightbulb oh my gosh this is so terrible yeah hey max is awake in the original we get two minutes of wandering silence here we immediately get to the motif it's a christmas miracle instead of leading into it more i made my family disappear [Music] and you know i think there's a bit of a nelson mandela effect here as max goes on to his 90-second montage of being a home alone kid and loving it i wanted to check out the originals montage and guess what there is no montage it's not a montage there is just a fun track that plays as he bounces and screams but that's all there is then it stops [Music] and goes to a series of normal scenes buzz crate shooting a gun ice cream and film sledding all taken about four straight minutes compared to 90 seconds of much more generic enjoyment not so young kidly and with christmas music rather than just happy music something about it is just inferior maybe part of it is because archie is 12 and culkin was 10 and looking even younger this feels like a young teen approach rather than the much more fun and innocent original the next scene we're just gonna skip it's not fun funny or needed i guess just turning the mum to wanting money now [Music] how dare you stand where he stood this moment for a scene of envy recontextualizing a happy song into a sad scene for an emotional hook it's not a scene about happy memories because the song is called somewhere in my damn memories and it looks awful what is this feathered vignette just play the scene with some nice romanticized bloom or something this aesthetic is terrible but now the parents go for break-in attempt number two and since you're here come subscribe home alone content every year here's my links hit the bell let's go oh you've got to be kidding me what's the point of giving that dolt the code if he just still fails it anyway the thing that kicks this whole thing off is one verbal miscommunication all we have to do is find that ugly little boy and then some crazy old lady will pay us 200 000 for him but we're still not on the actual fun bit yet because the police got called from that code [Music] evening oh hell yeah the actual actor of buzz is in this movie that's a great reference he's duped by some basic flirting max doesn't come out to explain while it's safe because of course he doesn't and he moves on it's actually because max thinks the parents will be arrested for negligence but again the aesthetic looks the same as reliving memories i hate this blurring but buzz gets going i look forward to buzz's next appearance oh by the way max's family have twigged on now though the realization is off-screen they're just arguing instead we didn't take a census and the dialogue is awful threat get that toblerone out of my face okay there's one good joke here where's my passport it's in your hand it's in my hand it's in my hand all these comedy actors and this is the writing's best joke synced up now is a couple police scenes i might like the new one better it's buzz again disputing the call for help because that is a prank call we forgot my little brother kevin twice the idiot does it every year and we get some world building kevin mcallister went on to create modern home security we see it all over the film that's amazing and it opens up for kevin to make an appearance since he clearly calls every year and he hasn't done it this year because he thinks it's this one i'll see where this is going this is a post-credits scene in the making huh next day max sees the same baby in a major scene cool and then at church the two boys from each family meet i like that talking about family issues that's the coolest thing ever i thought it would be and for about an hour it was why couldn't you show us this why are you telling us and then because the plot demands it the old adult spot max so before he returns they attempt break-in number three [Music] right now's the time anyway mimicking another scene it's more wasted comedy the original has it kind of wholesome that she waits at the airport and says bye to the family there or when complaining later she bargains for tickets by saying she'd sell anything the value of family here she's just a nuisance and joking on language barriers the mum's not even supposed to be a comedic role really back to break-in number three i actually think this could have been an iconic scene at church their daughter is singing it's beautifully christmas and as the two are trying to scale the wall everything falls apart the slow mo the action the musics the cuts sorry i'm sorry why why did you have to ruin it like that and as the most thematic part of all they're missing the true meaning of christmas they're not with the family but it doesn't seem to click for them i do really like this first trap though a hidden pool is horrifying and they give up what we get next is the mum again on flight with a funny interaction with the passenger this is a full minute long oh hey we're one hour in and finally focusing on max he's heard the parents plan to invade that night and is prepping up to this point in the original we've had a second series of kevin doing what he wants aftershave shelf shopping i guess that was the charity bit scary third party ice chasing villain fleeing hiding in the nativity scene or big one showing off his engineering prowess with a whole fake family scene to full break in attempt number two as well as audio work for the pizza guy realizing he actually wants his family back aftershave again shopping again misfortune adulting another fear and firecrackers to stop a break-in there's so much of kevin to see and it's all packed in so well what has max done he's had 90 seconds earlier and since then window watched talked to homebot grabbed toys and window watched again with kevin we saw his daily routine every morning and you see him mature here max doesn't do anything and he's the reason we're watching this film but now he's putting in some engineering work not that he's really shown it before and not that any of this has been foreshadowed but sure in the original buzz's tarantula is wandering all the time in this we've got foreshadowing for the wrong house load bearing walls and you knock one down whole place could collapse it's not a jenga tower jeff [Laughter] this never happens why is it here but hey at least there's a nice aesthetic now rotoscope transitions as max suddenly whips out a bunch of engineering skills this is a 90s trope and comes out of nowhere in this context and it's that same music from the original i actually quite like the addition of the cringy rich singing and with the evening done it's go time this is the highlight we all come to home alone for in the original kevin pumps himself up this is my house i have to defend it this is it don't get scared now the remake locked and loaded ah it's not the right tone anyway trap one is some ice on the road though it doesn't feel like a trap max did or it's not shot to highlight the ice on the road all we get is the line i'm trying it's so icy again show don't tell let us see those results this just looks like generic bad driving next up is icy driveway i think i shattered my coccyx can we not have modern quippy dialogue we barely even started anyway [Music] the running is not terrible but half of the comedy of this franchise is the reactions of the villains when harry trips on ice he gives us an and marv gives us and that's their mildest response it builds up as they go along next trap hot sauce milk hot white milk that's not terrible it's uh following that is cocaine mentos i mean i guess kevin did kind of skip on the chemistry front apart from hot handle and explosive toilet but even still it's kind of generic like basic engineering diluted crowd pleasers and incredibly hard to believe is a trap then he sets ladies feet on fire with some hot wheels again basic tools and instead of a burnt reaction like and obviously [Music] she instead just breaks down crying and i think this is a marker of a massive issue here there is no villain to this story the whole film has spent this entire time making the home invaders the protagonist with justified motivations so that you're kind of rooting for them they just want their doll so when they get hurt it's not satisfying like harry or marv and they're not playing up the comedy of it they're victims here why is the kid coming off as the bad guy the adults then coming through the door now he randomly gets the code right but willingly just sticks himself with a nail what is this and then max rocks up with a pool ball gun not an awful weapon or an unusual attack mimicking the iron to the face for math or the brick to the face for marv or the brick to the face for marv or the brick to the face except in this rendition honey oh no he's hurting me fam why is he doing this to us bam this is grotesque it's awful i feel so sorry for the guy because it doesn't feel like he deserves this all the makeup doesn't feel cartoony he doesn't bounce back to health like the others this looks like it really hurts and that's not fun putting him in vr is fun great trick for a dumb character i could see marv falling for this but he's groveling in pain on the floor weekly also did they just film this wrong why is he crawling back to the exact same position as the last attack for the door to mash his head anyway lady this then gets more grotesque harry and merv got iced burned shot on their groin legs head face feet everywhere it's an attack on all of their parts this lady here not the same fate her feet are severely burned she limps the rest of the night and following up on that [Music] spoon spoon and then right on to the next basic joke lego i just stepped on a lego the most painful thing in the world this isn't just goofy fun this is sadistic the concentrated assault feels like it would be wildly more painful than what the duo who actually deserve it went through i can't get across how much this approach makes me feel more sick than entertained oh and by the way the mum gets a second scene with the plane passenger you know the original third scene has her breaking down at the airport before being given a lift from a polka band bit weird but also a more interesting journey to see and hits on that theme of christmas it's a wholesome moment about helping others seeing family and hey it's a christmas miracle that it works out same with the officer in number two it's like a wholesome christmas themed moment conversation but no snot shoulder that's the way to go hey have we missed a scene why is her hair down now god this film is so inconsistent and the blocking goes everywhere the parents are already defeated they just want to talk they're looking at the kid and still get smacked with flour would you just stop and talk to us oh with a shredded milk carton as well please this is horrid and also stupid because they should clearly be able to see and react i'll say it again in the original heads up it at least is hidden from view and they lean into the reaction and follow it up with a climax to it in the sequel that's two come on let's get them oops here max can't even decide if he's left the room or just at the top of the stairs again leaving or waiting there again again i think we should go back home i'm not laughing at this this is sad you'll never find me is that the motif for mouse hunt what's he doing [Music] it is a way superior slapstick home alone-esque movie god what a rip-off this is on both these movies that's referring to homeschooling home alone not mouse hunt we don't curse mouse hunt in this household this next trap is toy guns that's not that bad wait why are they sticking are they needles on the end oh what is this [Music] i know there was a nail gun in the second movie but i think it's a bit too much to be acupuncturing with 30 needles [Music] and this is just stupid luck poorly placed and meh on acting also boring house invading can be fun if we actually get to the house the adult's not moved from the door and for the one who is moving well hello this is evil please stop with the bloody feet oh my god burn spooned lego'd needled and now smushed it's at this point in the film that we literally paused cringed and then had a whole discussion about how much we are not liking this movie and how it's grossing us out too much to continue to the point where my girlfriend literally left and i had to watch the rest of this film alone because we're not a fan of seeing feet being completely violated in every form of pain we assumed this was going to just smush her toes even more and we're not here to watch that that's not our thing turns out our imagination was way worse than reality the feat stuff has ended now thank god it was a projectile attack but even still i felt physically sick watching this with how sadistically focused it was the writing made us feel it was undeserved the acting made us feel bad and the violence was more intense less cartoony and more aggravated and directed oh but it's not done quite yet dalt needs one more hit to the face of course not a bad move but taking out a tooth after all that oh no oh it's less gross in the original and icicles yet another trap that's just so basic and that's the sequence done it is 15 minutes long to be fair it's the same in the first but in that it felt varied creative and taking place all over the house front door back door basement window upstairs here the lady goes to one side room and then back to the entrance and one upstairs room and the attacks themselves i've already said they're too focused on body parts and also just really really basic the creativity of max isn't there he puts different balls in a gun and uses legos i am both overwhelmed by how grotesque and violent and undeserving this all was and underwhelmed by how quickly it passed how little they covered and how mild the entertainment factor was i'm just welled and all of that brings us to here there is no bad guy in this story just conflict of interest and a miscommunication and finally the pair get to talk things out you thought kid we just want our doll back i don't steal that well then this is just misleading your audience what a lazy attempt at storytelling so what's the ending of this stupid remake of a film well there's no villains so when max says it's just me the pair take him in for christmas and with the mum we called her when she landed she cried happy tears and we don't get to see any of that we're just told no swelling happy reunion all right then as for the missing doll turns out this kid had it the night it goes missing was the night they arrived and hey they even attempted to hint this to you stealing at the market as well as at the church but it's so subtle and placed when you're looking elsewhere i don't really think it's satisfying we get one more moment of the slow mo quiet bit because they'll milk their one good thing and all is good oh here's the mum you know the conclusion i came to with every other bad sequel none hit on the theme of the true meaning of christmas none go into the kid actually missing their family and here it's exactly the same max complains he's bored an hour in at the church but he never says he misses his mum there's no emotional sad scenes with him i bet he hasn't even been thinking about her this whole time he's been too busy thinking about toes hand them over it's the most important beat that is the backbone of this franchise and it's like they've never realized this again and then we jump to next year where christmas is spent with them literally like screw the rest of the family we don't like them anyway on christmas day [Music] to new friends i'm sorry who are you oh right the dad you got like three lines and well established buddy they laugh about it don't swell up the wholesome don't end it on a jokey shouting line they just call it a movie and the worst part is this was done by disney this was done by professionals this isn't like the bone alone ripoff these guys should know what they're doing but don't even seem to understand the magic of home alone they just crammed in comedians clearly didn't let them improv spat out a script and called it a day give us a year or two and i'm sure we'll hear of sweet home alone alabama or honey i'm home alone home alone on the ranch a home alone of our own or there's no place like home alone and there's millions more problems here the snowy news plastered into scenes with no connection the run time of max versus the parents the dialogue dated jokes like to oj simpson the blatant product placement that's insultingly bad at least somewhat charming in the 90s the just misleading narrative and weak twist the trailer oh my god the trailer i am trying to get home to my son who is alone i'm scared and he needs his mother i feel like i'm in a parody with how much it kept repeating the song hold on did i like i'm trying it was like the fact that buzz was entirely marketing there was even room for a post-credit scene of kevin calling him up don't need to see him just have buzz react you know be like huh oh you know realizing he was wrong before but nope or how we don't see that extended family while in tokyo they're just packed in the back it's oh god awful this was bland it was basic there's no charm no message no wholesome and no creativity this is shameful through and through but we should have known macauley caulking confirmed he does not associate with the film already red flag number one but also i'll leave you off on the thoughts of the originals director the guy who knows how to properly put this all together even the small stuff like ice on stairs is funnier because of the sound of nobody got in touch with me about it and it's a waste of time as far as i'm concerned what's the point i'm a firm believer that you don't remake films that have had the longevity of home alone you're not going to create lightning in a bottle again it's just not gonna happen so why do it what's the point it's been done do your own thing even if you fail miserably at least you have come up with something original listen have fun i just feel do something new life is short now if you don't mind me i'm going to re-watch the originals again this year maybe some mouse hunt too this film will be forgotten for christmas the actors aren't bad clearly it comes down to the director and studio in these cases this will just become yet another home alone movie we don't talk about we've come full circle oh my gosh this is so terrible oh this is garbage i don't know why they're always trying to remake the classics never as good as the originals hear what the french call les encompeton for now my name's been daz you didn't really care thanks one final time to display for sponsoring this video you can check out our link down in the description and i'll see you in a [Music] bit you

Channel: DazzReviews

Views: 566,359

Keywords: dazz, reviews, dazzreviews, home alone, home alone reboot, home sweet home alone, archie yates, reboot, disney plus, disney

Id: 18FXljKr32o

Length: 28min 2sec (1682 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 19 2021