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The United States and the United Kingdom have a complicated relationship. They used to be
united, but then colonial Americans felt derided and decided they’d rather be divided. The
UK felt blindsided and cried that being divided was misguided, so their two lopsided armies
collided, people died and in time the United Kingdom abided, and to the States United,
independence was provided. In time, tensions subsided and the two decided to become allied,
and provided ambassadors who have, in each other’s capitals, resided. But recently,
the United States has derided the United Kingdom’s prided legal system and thus has been chided.
Why did they do it? A reason was provided, but whether it’s compelling is undecided.
Why did I make the whole intro rhyme? Unclear; but it was obviously misguided. And it took,
like, a really long time. Man. Seriously, why did I do that?
Well, anyways, now that I’m loose from the noose of Dr. Seuss, let’s talk about
London’s congestion charge. From 7am to 10pm, if you want to drive in London’s “Congestion
Charge Zone,” which includes all this, you’ve gotta fork over 15 pounds, effective every
day except Christmas, when its waived in honor of the wise men’s famous gifts of frankincense,
myrrh, and toll exemptions. This, of course, raises the question: “but, like… uh…
why?” Why would London charge people to drive on its roads? That’s what roads are
for! That would be like charging people for sunshine or fresh air or basic healthcare,
and who would do that? The idea is to reduce noise and air pollution, as well as to raise
money for London’s public transit system. In economics, this might be called a sin tax,
which is different from syntax, which is how you order sentences good, and different from
a Sim tax, which is when you charge Sims characters a tariff for transporting goods from SimCity
to SimIsle, and different from a Simp tax, which is what a premium Snapchat subscription
is called. The idea behind a sin tax is that the government
taxes things it wants to discourage—i.e. sins—thus making it more expensive for people
to do or buy those things, and thus reducing consumption of those bad things. This is why
countries often tax tobacco and alcohol so heavily; they want people to use them less,
because it turns out tobacco and alcohol are bad for you. Who knew? Also, governments want
money, because they’re greedy pigs who want to do gross, exorbitant things like provide
people healthcare and education. Blegh. Anyways, places like London noticed their streets were
way too crowded, making the city too loud, too slow, too smoggy, and far too British.
To solve three of those four problems, they decided to reduce the number of cars on the
roads by charging people to drive on them. There are some exemptions to the rule: cars
that meet certain environmental standards can drive free, if you live in or very near
the area you get a 90% discount, if you’re an NHS patient who is too ill to travel by
public transit, you get a refund, and if you’re the queen technically there’s no exemption
but what are they gonna do, sue you? You’re the queen. Your face is literally on the pieces
of paper they want from you. But you know who isn’t exempted? Foreign diplomats. Including
US diplomats. Except, the US diplomats don’t really see it that way.
To understand why, you have to understand a bit about diplomatic immunity, which is
different from democratic disunity, which is what America has now, which is different
from plutocratic community, which is what rules America now, which is different from
diplostatic retoonity, which are two words I just made up. Under the Vienna Convention
on Diplomatic Relations of 1961 and the Vienna Convention on Consular Relations of 1963,
diplomats are exempted from, among other things, paying taxes. And so, the United States’
diplomats refuse to pay the congestion charge, as they say it’s a tax. London disagrees,
and says it’s not a tax, it’s a charge, so they do have to pay. But then the US says
“uh… no.” And then London says “uh… actually yes.” And then the US says “uh…
well actually actually...no.” And basically things have gone back and forth that way for
years, in what is, as far as I know, the first time that the US and UK have ever gotten into
a dispute about taxes ever. Now normally, if someone refuses to pay money
they owe the government, whether it’s a tax or a charge, they’ll be sued or prosecuted—but,
diplomatic immunity also prevents foreign countries from prosecuting or suing diplomats.
For anything. Like literally anything. A diplomat could murder somebody, or commit arson, or
say that Friends is better than Seinfeld and they couldn’t be prosecuted unless the diplomat’s
home country waived their immunity. It depends a little on who the person is—there are
different levels, ranging from full immunity from civil and criminal charges for top diplomats,
to immunity from everything except civil charges for top staff, to functional immunity for
low-level staff, which only covers crimes committed in the scope of their job. This
is part of why diplomats join pigeons as the scourge of cities like New York, DC, and London
because they refuse to pay parking tickets and there’s not a damn thing you can do
to make them pay them. But hey, they’re still not as bad as pigeons: pigeons don’t
pay parking tickets either, plus they poop on cars. Though technically diplomats could
also poop on cars and not get prosecuted. Right now, about ¾ of embassies pay London’s
congestion charge, but the remaining ¼ that don’t, a group led by the US, Japan, Nigeria,
Russia, and India, now owe over 100 million pounds—with the US alone at over 12 million—and
London just doesn’t have a lot of options to force them to cough up the dough. Recently
they’ve said they want to take it up with the International Court of Justice which would
be a great idea if what the International Court of Justice said actually mattered. Their
only real option is to declare diplomats “persona non grata” and send the diplomats home,
but that feels like a pretty extreme move. After all, what’s 12 million pounds between
friends? 12 million pounds is a lot of money, but you
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Anyone know where I can find the full list of countries that don't pay the charge?
Anyone else find the jokes about diplomatic immunity a little insensitive considering the ongoing controversy around the death of Harry Dunn last year?