Behold! The sum of our work on fixing Disney’s The
Rise of Skywalker. On December 23rd 2022, we started the long
journey of de-mousing JJ Abrams’ 142 minute disasterpiece. We sought to make it a “good and proper
Star Wars movie.” A line you will have heard a few times by
now. This was not an empty platitude. It was a statement of intent. Not just for each part in the series, but
for the compilation we have been working towards since day zero. This compilation serves as the current, definitive
version of our work on the Starwarsification of The Rise of Skywalker. The attentive in our audience will find that
there have been many changes. Some big, some small; but all essential. We have gone through all of our existing work
and brought it up to the same standard as our newest work. The vast majority of parts one through four
have been completely recreated. We have added over 60 minutes of new material. We strongly suggest watching the whole video,
even if you have been part of our audience since Day Zero. You could call this video the “Death Star
Briefing” stage in our multi-pronged attack on The Rise of Skywalker. While we do suggest some specific repairs,
the main point is finding and analysing the writing-equivalent of Thermal Exhaust Ports. How did Disney go wrong? What does established lore tell us? What are some of the potential fixes? This information is essential for the next
stage of this project: our proposed rewrite of the entire movie. We have given ourselves some constraints,
however. We want to use as much of the original movie’s
content as possible. We want to preserve as many of the characters
and story beats as possible. Because our main contention with Disney is
that they made no effort to adhere to established lore, we don’t want to make that same mistake
with their reboot universe. Three hours of repairs later, we have completed
stage one. Three-and-a-half hours of repairs later, we
have completed stage one. Four hours of repairs later, we have completed
stage one. Many hours of repairs later, we have completed
stage one. The ideal solution would have been a galactic
Exterminatus. To set fire to the entire sequel trilogy. Alas, we don’t live in a world of ideal
solutions. We live in a world where the least qualified
hold the reins. It is tempting to throw up our hands and call
the whole movie a wash. But, if we did that, we wouldn’t be any
better than The Mouse and their minions — we’re looking at you, Round-Head. It was in this spirit that we resolved to
try and salvage what we were given. To show Disney a level of care and due diligence
that they have not shown us. That they aren’t ever going to show us. It is likely we will revisit this project
as our skills improve. Right now, it is a fine balance between sacrificing
Tontons to the algorithm gods and the high quality of output we strive for. If you do enjoy our work, LIKE; SUBSCRIBE;
and COMMENT. It makes a big difference to how our videos
perform. Now, let’s discuss how this is going to
work. You are going to need to be at least vaguely
familiar with the plot of The Rise of Skywalker. I’m sorry, I’m sorry – but there is
no way around it! We will proceed through the movie chronologically,
discussing broken elements in the scenes in which they are most prominent. Black-and-white video indicates where we are
in the film as we proceed through it. Coloured video indicates that we are discussing
something in greater detail. Excellent. Let’s get into it, shall we? ED-1TA, roll the film! The dead speak! We could stop here and take this opening crawl
apart for the next hour. But this text was hastily written at the last
minute. It offers no real insight into the galaxy,
and does little for the movie either. Let's move forward to the first actual scene
of the movie. Why are there dead trees? I had no idea what was going on until weeks
after walking out of the movie. Later, I heard this sequence is supposed to
be on Mustafar. We've already seen what that planet is like. Once again, though, if you think about it,
that makes no sense. These trees would have to grow in the past. Maybe the planet is so hot that a forest of
mature trees can be killed by the heat. Saplings would be even more vulnerable, so
how did they grow in the first place? Clearly they all died at the same time, while
the trees are the same age. Yet whatever happened, nothing was hot enough
for the wood to burst into flames. Let's see if we can figure out what's going
on. To the reference material! A book from 2009 says that Mustafar is wracked
by tidal forces, like Io. It specifies that the planet exports ore,
extracted from rivers of lava. The imports are food, water, and machinery. That makes sense, the book also says that
"all surface life died". Of course the ecosystem and food web will
be devastated, or even wiped out. It also states that this happened in 3996
BBY. It makes no sense for these trees to be four
thousand years old. To have been dead for all that time is absurd. Yet they can't be as young as they appear,
either, or why would the trees die? The only way to explain it is by invoking
JJ & Friends. Someone looked up Earth volcanoes, and found
that Earth forests have been killed by them. Then, without giving it a moment's thought,
lazily dropped that feature onto another world. Absolutely zero attention paid to the history
of this planet, or what would and wouldn't be there. Someone thought putting Earth phenomena in
the Star Wars universe made him look terribly clever. Instead, it proved the exact opposite. Surface-level imagery, not a drop of care
and effort beyond that. Now, it is acceptable to doubt this book. I certainly don't trust it, it's clearly written
based on some of those 3D animated shows. Personally I've never seen an episode, all
I know is that they're the foundation of the reboot. And indeed, the 3D animated ones seem to have
been rebooting before there was an official reboot. There's a mention in the book of Ahsoka Tico,
who only appeared in the 3D one. But that's even more damning, because this
means the book should apply to the Disney universe. As for me, I know this book is unreliable. Right next to the Mustafar entry, there's
one on Mon Calamari. What could be wrong with that? Well we already know things about the Mon
Cal and their world. For example, that there are two races here:
the Mon Calamari and the Quarren. We know the Mon Cal prefer to live on the
surface, both the rare land and in floating cities. We know the Quarren are more subnautical,
and live below the surface of those floating cities. We know both species can breathe air and water,
and that they sometimes find it uncomfortable to switch to the aquatic mode. Accordingly, there is an organic gill symbiote,
a benign facehugger. Both kinds of natives can use these, and tourists
can find them invaluable. The facehugger only lives for a week, so it's
perfect for a visit. It is stated that using a gill symbiote is
less cumbersome than air tanks. That might be technically correct, but it
really doesn't line up with what else we know. We've seen existing examples of air tanks,
and they really aren't all that unwieldy. The first is a Roamer-6 mask as worn by the
Falcon crew. These are made by Gandorthral Atmospherics,
and are very capable. The main body is smaller than two of Leia's
fists, very compact. The internal air tank lasts ten minutes, and
can be connected to larger back-mounted tanks. Best of all, the small internal tank can be
replenished by processing surrounding gases. They can dilute or compress an atmosphere
of the wrong density. They can heat or cool the air, so you might
wear one when it's not strictly required. I hear Hoth gets a bit chilly this time of
year. Naturally, the Roamer-6 can be adjusted for
a variety of non-human requirements. However, this device is better as a filter
than a SCUBA tank. It excels at filtering an atmosphere, and
can run in that mode for an hour. Then you need to install replacement filters,
a trivial task. You can definitely hold your breath long enough
to swap the filters out. What can't the Gandorthral Atmospherics Roamer-6
breath mask do? Vacuum. You need a space suit to supply pressure,
and that's not what this is. Quite by coincidence, the one thing it can't
do is the only time we see it used. The Falcon never passes any barrier that might
be able to contain air pressure. Using these inside a space slug is a total
mistake, it's just not correct. I don't remember the Empire Strikes Back novelisation
making any attempt to explain it. But it's been a while since I had my hands
on those books. The real reason is that making spacesuit costumes
is hard to do convincingly. If they're only going to be used in one scene,
it makes sense not to bother. Star Wars isn't the only sci-fi universe that
has made this mistake. In Mass Effect 2, one mission involves taking
a topless woman into an airless environment. Well it does for me, I don't know how you
played it. The game realises this can't work, so it gives
her a face mask. No shirt, no helmet, nothing. Hang on a minute, I was talking about Mustafar
and now we're in a space slug. Let's resolve this tangent by hopping over
to Naboo instead. This adds an interesting wrinkle. First of all, the Federation tries to gas
Obi-Wan. The other Federation, that is, and I suppose
they succeed. They were just expecting the lethal gas to
be fatal. Understandable, but a mistake. This scene is an exemplary use case for the
Roamer-6. We know the gas isn't corrosive, or so toxic
it gets in through the skin and eyeballs. Holding your breath is enough to be safe,
so the breath mask would also work. We're not here for that scene in orbit, though. Down on the planet, we see a completely different
apparatus. For this mission, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan carry
the A99 Aquata Breather. This allows them to dive to the bottom of
a lake, to the Gungan capital city. It seems reasonable to assume Otoh Gunga is
one of the deeper cities, surely hundreds of metres. The city is meant to be hidden, after all. Sunlight can only reach about 200 metres down,
and the Jedi seem to swim from blue to black water. While we're down here, let's dismiss the idea
of "going through the planet core". This is, of course, utter nonsense. Sorry, daddy big Boss Nass your honour, but
it's not correct. Boss Nass isn't entirely fluent in Basic,
he doesn't know what he's saying. Obviously the tunnels only go through the
crust of the planet. The questionable book takes Nass's word at
face value. The planet is a world of peculiar geology. It lacks a molten core, instead possessing
a honeycombed interior surging with luminous locap plasma. Wide, shallow seas and swamps separate plains
of grass and scattered points of elevation. Not only is this nonsensical, it's also completely
unnecessary for anything in the movie. Getting from the Gungan city to Theed palace
works fine, without going through the core of the planet. All you need is a network of tunnels through
the crust, to escape a landlocked lake. The plasma is used in Gungan weapons, but
again has no need of a planet core. There is no reason to say "it lacks a molten
core". All you get from that, is that a guy with
a thick accent used exactly the right word. Better to assume he was using figurative terms. Right, back to the Jedi equipment. The A99 breather actually comes in two forms. The original TPM Visual Dictionary showed
one variant, and the expanded book shows another. The one from the movie is riddled with holes,
the other is smooth. Both are listed as compressed air tanks, with
capacity for two hours. The Roamer-6 has remarkably good capacity. The A99 has absurd capacity. But I've come up with a way to harmonise these
two props. Let's say the A99 is more specialised than
the Roamer-6. It has been designed to work in water, and
nothing else. The difference between the two pictures is
a set of covers. Remove those covers from the grey one, and
it becomes the brown-and-white one seen in the movie. Then, instead of storing two SCUBA tanks in
the palm of your hand, it's a mechanical gill. The perforated white cylinder is a water intake,
to be processed into oxygen on the fly. Then there's no capacity inconsistency. If the A99 just held hours of air, how could
air tanks be cumbersome? The aquata breather is a fraction the size
of the organic gill or filter unit. Speaking of the organic gill, the Mon Calamari
were supposed to have been the example. The questionable 2009 book describes the history
as having first contact with the Republic. This is the same timeframe as the Mustafar
date, 4166 BBY. This is compatible with the prequels, where
Quarren are shown in the Republic Senate in Episode 1. The Mon Cal appear in Episode 3, or at least
that's what I'm informed they are. It's a bit hard to make out the details. But these appearances are mistakes. We already know about the history of the Mon
Calamari. We know about the man called Ackbar, later
a Rebel admiral. I'll give you a moment to repeat his most
iconic line, just to get it out of your system. Ready? We know that the Mon Cal joined the Alliance
to Restore the Republic less than two years BBY. We know that the Mon Cal developed space travel,
to explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life, and make friends with
new civilisations. To boldly go where no fish-man or squid thingy
had gone before. It had been hard to develop that tech, since
the Mon Cal had difficulties mining ore. With most of the world underwater, even the
amphibians had trouble reaching the planet's crust. In contrast, the Quarren prefer to live on
the sea floor. By befriending the Quarren, a new age of technological
development began. Orbital infrastructure was created. Spaceports, shipyards, all the supporting
facilities. More than most, Mon Cal saw the stars as islands
in the galactic sea. The planet of Mon Calamari is on the Outer
Rim of the galaxy far far away. It had made contact with its neighbours, and
a few rogue traders were also aware of the location. But eventually, they made first contact with
the galactic community, the pan-galactic government. And it wasn't the Old Republic. Fitting our Trek Federation-like characterisation
of them, the Mon Cal came in peace. They broadcast messages of friendship and
free trade. This would probably have worked, if the history
of the galaxy had unfolded the way the new book described. Instead, they crossed paths with the Empire. They were interested in trade all right. The Imperial forces were very pleased with
Mon Cal technology, and decided to take it for themselves. The Mon Cal were seen as gentle, and therefore
stupid: a natural slave species. The Empire launched an invasion, and the Mon
Calamari protested. The Emperor ordered the destruction of three
floating cities. To make an example of them, demonstrating
the price of insubordination. Unexpectedly, the plan backfired. A peaceful race with no history of war, wiped
out the initial invasion force. They started creating battleships, weapons. Ackbar had been the leader of Coral City. Now, he was one of the first enslaved by the
Empire. He had been taken as an interpreter and personal
servant for an officer. Before long, Ackbar was a gift to Grand Moff
Tarkin, the overlord of the Outer Rim. Ackbar played along, secretly studying the
Empire. This is how he learnt of a Rebellion against
the Empire, target of Tarkin's ire. When Tarkin was en route to the completed
Death Star, rebels attacked his ship. After they escaped with Ackbar, he returned
to his people to convince the Mon Cal to join the Rebel Alliance. For this he was given the rank of Commander
Ackbar. His promotion to Admiral Ackbar would happen
soon afterwards, when he returned with a new kind of starfighter. But the origin of the B-Wing is a story for
another video. For now, we've established the 2009 book can't
be right. We already knew the history of the Mon Calamari
in 1995. But even in the corrupted, rewritten, reboot
timeline, the Disney movie is not correct. You can't just slap a dead forest onto the
volcano planet because you like the visuals. The hazards of using a name. No explanation is given in the movie itself,
which is typical. It could be a new dead forest planet, except
for one thing. To explain the next item, Mustafar makes the
most sense. It still doesn't explain why there are humans
wearing funny hats. The natives of Mustafar are not human. In the original lore, Darth Vader had a castle
on the planet Vjun. In the reboot, I'm told this was moved to
Mustafar. Seems a bit of an odd choice. You'd think he would avoid the volcano world. Maybe he used to come here in order to provoke
some strong feelings. Then, he uses those feelings for dark side
things. JJ doesn't show any castle, just a box in
the middle of nowhere. JJAbrams calls this black pyramid a "Sith
wayfinder". In his movie, it is a magical compass that
allows its owner to sail past the trecherous reefs and storms surrounding a hidden island. If the compass is destroyed, you're locked
out of the island. However, it accidentally looks like something
from Star Wars. These are Jedi holocrons, the Force-user's
equivalent of an external hard drive. These polyhedra of gold and silver and glass
are used to store information, such as "the sacred Jedi texts". In contrast, THIS is a Sith holocron. Notice how its appearance is a black tetrahedral
pyramid, like JJ's compass. But the holocron is much deeper. It's more like the One Ring of Sauron, it's
a corruptive artefact. It wants to be found, to be used, to draw
people in and tempt them with voiceless promises of power. The Sith holocron is the most mysterious of
all boxes. It's almost a character of its own, and all
it does is sit there radiating malice. Keep that in mind, and watch this clip from
the movie JJ made. *Kyle Ben crushes black pyramid* See how much more meaningful it is to destroy
a Sith holocron instead of a Sith wayfinder. JJ's box represents a house key, and destroying
it means getting out your spare key, that's all. The holocron from Star Wars is more like a
dark library full of a thousand different Necronomicons. To destroy the holocron means giving up all
that dark side knowledge and power. It's the ultimate proof of resolve, when the
evil character turns good. Despite all the temptation, the whispers in
his mind of "why shouldn't I keep it", he crushes
the dark pyramid. Swapping in the holocron is perhaps the most
important change. Without Snoke to be a mentor, the holocron
can finish Kylo's training. It can also show how deep the Dark Side goes. Perhaps there's more in there than Kylo was
ready for. There is a part here where we meet the reborn
Emperor. We shall ignore this entirely. Its issues are best addressed later on, when
his plans are revealed. For now, we go back to see what the good guys
are doing. Kind of like how episode 5 and 6 start with
the bad guys, actually. I wonder if that's a coincidence. The heroes need to transfer some data from
an Alien Informant. A cable is run between the Informant’s computer
and R2D2, who is aboard the Falcon. At the start of JJ's movie, the Millenium
Falcon docks with a building. They string a cable between two rooms, send
some data through it, then disconnect and go on their merry way. There are several things to like about this
scene. It reminds me of midair refuelling, which
is perhaps the most interesting thing you can do in flight. Also, let's appreciate the prop they used. Look at the girth, imagine how well shielded
the wiring is. This is great, it's exactly the sort of thing
one could easily miss imagining. The wires used in Star Wars are not, and will
never have been, something you can buy on Earth. It'd look and feel wrong if they matched the
wires going to your Earth modem. However, even with how much I love the main
prop used in this scene, it's hilarious. Look at what JJ does with this, and compare
it to actual Star Wars. There are some horizontal stripes on Artoo,
and JJ decides they are dustcovers for the macro-USB ports. You may remember that Artoo is connected to
several things. Here is the most important one: sharing the
Death Star plans with the Rebellion. Another nice cable, plugged into somewhere
on the right of Artoo's torso. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be anything
in that location. All we can see is a large vertical panel,
with no indication of what's behind it. This is not what JJ used. There are also two tools Artoo uses for computer
interfaces. These only work on a fixed wall socket, I
can't imagine a cable adapter working. Would the spinny bit need to spin on the far
end of the wire, too? This one fits a power outlet. Perfectly reasonable, Earth guitar jacks aren't
far off the size of some mains power pins. We can see clearly where these two extend
from. This also lines up with the documentation:
it has the long compartment on the right listed as the computer interface arms. Another time, Luke attaches some equipment
to a small panel in the centre right. Obviously a Gonk droid would be better to
power equipment, but they're heavy. Power droids have thicker armour than most
battle droids, and a few ships. Most power droids are either the EG-6, or
Industrial Automaton's GNK. They're designed to be extremely safe, these
coolant vents are working as intended. With one of these, you have a fusion-powered
traction engine. As long as you're not running industrial or
military equipment, a Gonk droid will cover it all. But you all know the advertising campaign
for the revolutionary new R2 series of droids. "No job is over this little guy's head". It's funny because they're short. There's a circular saw down in the centre
left panel, not relevant except to eliminate the hatch. There's a shock probe opposite, in the same
place Luke connected a power lead. Effective against Ewoks, Salacious Crumb,
and chains for some reason. Another zapper here under one of the top panels,
used against a droid outside the astromech socket. Again, no relevance. Next, let's move on to manipulator arms. We know there's one here in the head, used
during the trench run. One here from the vertical slot on the far
left of the torso, used against Yoda. That seems to be a heavy duty arm. Another one up the central hatch, as seen
serving drinks aboard the sail barge. Hang on, I've just remembered something. We've seen Artoo use an arm to operate something,
a long time ago, in a Corellian corvette. This is the arm used to open the escape pod. But look at it, that's not a very good arm,
is it? I choose to believe that these are the covers
for a pair of arms, not the arms themselves. Though, it would make sense to have the covers
function as an extra pair of rudimentary arms. These are the main arms used when in a starfighter's
astromech socket. Either way, we know this isn't where you'd
find an astromech's serial ports. I've already shown options for data input,
but there's one more thing. At the end of the recorded message, Leia inserts
the plans into Artoo. The way to do this would be to reference that
pivotal scene. Take a close look at the radar eye. See the slot underneath it? Well, that's where the death star plans were
inserted. We don't see much of the storage medium that
held the Death Star plans. We do know the Empire called them "data tapes",
but it's hard to imagine a tape cassette fitting in that slot. Clearly they've also dropped support for CompactFlash. No, this slot is for data cards. Come to think of it, does Leia's data card
predate Earth's memory cards? Star Trek gets a lot of credit for predicting
cellphones, in the communicator and tricorder. Convenient data storage has been part of Star
Wars since the first minutes. You might think that is a minor point. Dare I say it, a nitpick. Whether you put up with nits is your business. Notice the difference in effort. The prequel R2 was made to be fully consistent. With all the movies, and with the reference
books. The reboot isn't consistent with any of them. Nor do I expect this mistake will stay consistent
within the reboot universe. Speaking of consistency, here's some infighting. Some TIEs arrive and JJ decides it is time
to escape, but he's out of smoke grenades. Not to worry, JJ can invent his way out of
any problem. The magical mystery hyperdrive can just take
us away. Right, it is time. Really hoped I wouldn't have to do this: to
explain JJ, I must invoke RJ. In Disney Wars 9, there are several references. These only make sense in the context of Disney
Wars 8. That movie, The Last Jedi, is famously controversial. Of the Disney Trilogy, the middle movie was
helmed by another bloke. He has many names, and the majority are impolite. Perhaps the least offensive is Roundhead,
and in some circles his name is a curse. When something has been defiled and disrespected,
we say it has been "Johnsoned". We dare not utter its true name, henceforth
the demon shall be known only by the initials RJ. I had planned to completely skip covering
TLJ in this series. To ignore it entirely, fixing only 7 and 9,
the ones captained by a Mr JJ Abrams. However, JJ's hand was forced by the entity
known as RJ. At face value, this sabre-catching scene should
have its own criticisms. But this scene only exists to undo this TLJ
one, it doesn't have a purpose of its own. This here is a very strange and unsatisfactory
thing to say. Par for the course with JJ, but he didn't
have a lot to work with. This is a terrible explanation, and what JJ
struggles to explain is equally terrible. The Holdo manoeuvre is not a neat trick like
the Picard manoeuvre. Holdo is the name of someone else's death
star shotgun. RJ did this. People tell me it looks pretty, but I just
don't see it. Since I don't want to talk about this movie
yet, we'll keep it abstract. To Holdo is to try ramming something while
firing up the hyperdrive. I didn't want to explain what's wrong with
this yet, it's not time. All you need to know is that it isn't how
hyperspace works. At all. No wiggle room, no one-in-a-million chance:
this cannot happen in Star Wars. It's time to tell you all about The Shadows. No, not Cliff Richard (Junior)'s band. G'Kar! Get that book out of here. There's hyperspace and then there's realspace. They aren't completely isolated from each
other. Hyperspace is full of shadows, mass shadows. A star casts a mass shadow into hyperspace,
meaning you can't fly into that area. What happens if you jump to lightspeed on
a bad course? Well nothing, most likely whatever you hit
won't even be able to tell. The ship in hyperspace, though, that just
ceases to exist. Which means RJ's spiffing wheeze is already
right out. My barrel of lore is nowhere near empty, so
let's keep going. Another feature of hyperspace comes from Empire
Strikes Back. Vader demands to know where the Falcon has
gone, from last known trajectory. Darth Vader is nobody's fool. If Han could escape by just steering a little
to the left, Vader's plan wouldn't work. In hyperspace, your course is fixed. That's why the navicomputer needs to calculate
before jumping. If you could dodge supernova mass shadows
as you come to them, you wouldn't need to pre-calculate. The interesting part is how JJ responds. Left to make a sequel after something impossible
happens, JJ gives up. Throws up his hands in despair and accepts
that the universe has been broken. Then he tries to make the best of the broken
world. JJ reckons that this gives him the ability
to get away with literally anything. While TLJ draws the fire, nobody cares that
JJ has done worse. Trying to top the Holdo fiasco, JJ comes up
with what he calls "lightspeed skimming". This isn't like the 40k lore about the Tau
hyperdrive, where Tau have to make slow, shallow jumps through the Warp because they aren't
psychic. JJ just wanted to flash up a sequence of cool
environments in the first few minutes, to capture the audience's attention. JJ declares that if you wiggle the hyperdrive
controls, you can pop in and out of hyperspace rapidly. What's wrong with this one: it isn't how hyperspace
works. There is no element of chance: this cannot
happen in Star Wars either. First of all, even if it was possible, you
wouldn't try it in the Millenium Falcon. The fastest hyperdrive in the galaxy is the
Falcon's. In hyperspace, it has the unique ability to
outrun any ship. The famously cool SR-71 missile countermeasure
of "just go faster" applies. Point five past lightspeed means literally
nobody in the galaxy can possibly keep up. The trade-off is that the Falcon's hyperdrive
is brittle. It takes constant maintainence, and is prone
to breaking down. It's like having Thrust 2 disguised as a station
wagon. Are we supposed to believe you can flick the
engines on and off willy-nilly? The hyperdrive has a few moments of warning
while the calculations are made, then operates steadily for hours at a time. You wouldn't treat a lightbulb like this,
then pretend to be surprised when the bulb blows. Rapid cycling is rough treatment for most
machinery. So, if the Falcon was real it wouldn't stand
up to this kind of abuse. There's an intricate hyperdrive on the end
of those levers, it isn't magically tied to the controls' position. But this is the debatable part, one could
argue against the maintainence constraints. The part that was Johnsoned isn't so forgiving. Remember the Eclipse, the enormous star destroyer? It's time to introduce an older relative:
the Immobiliser 418. This one is tiny for a star destroyer, even
the small Victory-class are half as long again. More commonly known as the Interdictor, they
are only 600 metres long, and extremely specialised. You wouldn't find an Interdictor in an atmosphere,
that would defeat the purpose of the ship. These bulbous protrusions are the whole reason
the ship exists. The Eclipse happened to have gravity well
generators in addition to the superlaser. Interdictors are built around a gravwell array. Their role is as a mobile hyperspace inhibitor. When the gravwells are running, all nearby
ships are blocked from making a jump to lightspeed. More concerning, an Interdictor can even pull
ships out of hyperspace. Within its area of effect, the hyperdrive
cannot possibly prevent you from dropping into realspace. Be they natural or artificial, a gravity well
completely counters an attempt to use hyperdrives. You've probably figured out the issue for
JJ already. He wants a pretty vista, so he shows jumping
in and out just above planetary surfaces. This is laughably wrong. It isn't risky, it's flat-out impossible within
Star Wars. The only excuse JJ has is "but Mum, RJ broke
the hyperdrive lore first". Who's the more foolish, the RJ or the JJ who
follows him? This scene is absolutely brimming over with
wrongability. There's one other huge mistake. What's the excuse for breaking the lore? Well, our heroes are being chased. By TIE Fighters. That's fine, I'd go so far as to say it's
a good idea. We know all about TIE Fighters, what they
can and can't do. A chase through hyperspace is a perfect example
of something TIEs can't do. The TIE gets its name from the Twin Ion Engine
drive system. A marvel of Imperial engineering, few ships
can rival the TIE. A TIE Fighter is agile, and extremely fast. Only the A-Wing interceptors can outrun a
bog standard TIE of the line. A lot was sacrificed in the trade-off for
extreme speed. TIEs are short-range fighters, you can't fly
one across the galaxy. The absolute limit for onboard supplies is
two days, or a few hours of combat. Partly, this is because TIEs sacrifice life-support,
of all things. A TIE pilot wears a sealed spacesuit, otherwise
he'd be dead instantly from the unpressurised cockpit. The other huge sacrifice? Well, TIEs do not have a hyperdrive or shields. Only the TIE Advanced X1, as used by Vader,
had a hyperdrive. One could argue that JJ has shown a new model
of TIE. That the First Order abandoned the TIE design
philosophy, turning it into a copy of the X-Wing. All the advantages of a TIE, discarded to
make a heavier, slower, mediocre starfighter. That would be incorrect, though. The real reason is that JJ never knew anything
about TIE Fighters. They make a cool noise, they're used by the
Empire, and JJ's knowledge stops at that. It was never JJ's intention to depict a new
type of TIE. He didn't mean to add life-support and hyperdrives
to them: he never knew the first thing about TIEs. One of the most prominent ships in the saga,
and JJ couldn't be bothered to look up a single characteristic. If anyone in the film crew pointed out what
was wrong, they were completely ignored. These kind of accidental changes are typical
of Disney Wars. To be fair, X-Wings are good starfighters. In the Star Wars universe, the Empire did
indeed try their own take on an Alliance-style starfighter:the TIE Defender. It was designed to retain the speed and agility
that make the TIE series so remarkable. Contrast this with the TIE Interceptor, designed
to be a better example of the normal TIE principles. The Interceptor is more agile than an X-Wing,
and nearly as fast as an A-Wing. The Defender is superior to the Interceptor
on both counts. Of course they still don't have life-support,
and only the Defender has a hyperdrive. Because of the sheer cost of building one,
the Defender never made it past the prototype phase. Now, let's fix JJ's mess. He wants rapid-fire scenes of Rebel ships
being chased by Imperial forces. This "lightspeed skimming" is not an option. But that's fine, because we have a relevant
film technique. To use it, we need there to be more than one
spaceship in the entire galaxy. It is my official judgement as a Star Wars
expert, that there are several ships in the galaxy. Choice! To show the spectacular vistas, we call upon
the Montague. Sorry, the "montage". Instead of dropping the Falcon into a new
world every few seconds, use film techniques. A montage is several short scenes in rapid
succession, which is exactly JJ's goal. The only change needed is to show a different
ship each time. This ice planet can be the Falcon, this other
one can be the Tantive 4, the next to be a couple of X-Wings, et cetera. This has two main advantages. First, it isn't impossible. Can't emphasise enough how important that
is. Second, it makes the galaxy look bigger. Remember how in Empire Strikes Back, the Falcon
goes one way and Luke goes another? There are countless people having their own
adventures, all the time. JJ wants to show several places quickly. That's fine, there are very few constraints
on you. You can use the power of the montage to show
the same ship in different places. To show them rapidly, you can skip the travel
time getting from one to another. Alternatively, you can show different ships
and people at the same time. By skipping from place to place, you aren't
forced to increment the calendar. The one thing you cannot do, is to have it
all happen in real time. It isn't possible for a ship to go from one
planet to another in seconds. It takes a lot of effort to get it this wrong,
this thoroughly. You have to deliberately ignore a lot of warning
signs. A lot of canon. To be in the Star Wars setting, is to write
inside certain lines. If it fits with everything we already know,
that story is possible. When you have differences like these, that
can only be a different universe. JJ has not finished reintroducing his characters. Prime among his champions is the exalted Rey. A mighty warrior with a thousand skills: her
triumph is inevitable. Nobody is surprised to find she keeps using
the same limbs all trilogy. Where others are injured, blast doors are
weaker than Rey's skin. No harm may befall her. It is time to deal with the Rey training sequence. This is a very odd choice. In the final movie of the reboot trilogy,
after three whole hours, Rey begins her training. Let's compare Rey to the Skywalkers. Both of the Skywalkers were too old to begin
the Jedi training process. Luke doesn't even appear in the movie until
17 minutes in. Luke is offered Jedi training after 35 minutes,
and begins training before 57 minutes. Luke passively uses the Force in a plot-critical
way at the end, after 1 hour 54 minutes. Luke actively uses the Force for the first
time at 2 hours 11 minutes. By 2 hours 15 minutes, Luke is instructed
to seek further training. After 3 hours 2 minutes, Luke starts his second
wave of training under a different master. He wins an imaginary lightsabre duel at 3
hours 6 minutes. Luke can barely levitate a stone at 3 hours
10 minutes. At 3 hours 50 minutes, Luke loses his first
sabre duel. Luke attempts a Jedi mind trick for the first
time at 4 hours 30 minutes. At 4 hours 48 minutes, Luke is still looking
for more training. He is surprised to hear that he doesn't require
more training, and that he is not a Jedi yet. Six hours into the trilogy, Luke gains the
upper hand in a sabre duel for the first time. After six hours of movies, Luke has trained
at every opportunity, and has completed that training. This is what it means for someone to become
a Jedi. Now let's see how Anakin was handled. Anakin first appears 32 minutes into his trilogy,
a little later. Shortly after at 41 minutes, he boasts of
his reflexes. Anakin has been unconsciously using his Force
sensitivity to be a better pilot. We already knew Anakin had to be "the best
starpilot in the galaxy" since the first movie. For the entire rest of the movie, Anakin never
actively uses the Force. Anakin is not trained, but he is given the
opportunity to watch a Jedi master. After two hours, Anakin is no longer forbidden
from training. At 2 hours 30 minutes, Anakin is warned that
his passive Force senses are still not attuned. Ten years of training have gone by to reach
this point. By 2 hours 45 minutes, Anakin levitates an
object for the first time on screen. After 4 hours 24 minutes, Anakin loses his
first lightsabre duel. Only after 4 hours 52 minutes does Anakin
win a sabre duel. At 5 hours 15 minutes, Anakin has all but
completed his training. He is surprised to hear that he is not a Jedi
Master yet. Finally, at 6 hours 38 minutes, Anakin sees
himself lose one final duel with his own eyes. With that background knowledge in place, we
can evaluate the character of Rey Disney. For the utmost fairness possible, I use the
same timing method for all three sets of movies. Rey appears earlier than the Skywalkers, a
mere 10 minutes into the movie. That's good, this means there's slightly more
time for her to train! Let's see what they do with the time given
to them. At 53 minutes, Rey hears about the force for
the first time. From first appearance on screen, Luke took
18 minutes to hear about the Jedi, the Force, and to be offered training. After 40 minutes of his introduction, Luke
began training. Rey has racked up 43 minutes since introduction,
without knowing Jedi exist. To play Darth's Advocate, maybe they're setting
Rey up as more like Anakin than Luke. Maybe she'll not be trained or actively use
the Force until the second movie. That could work, and then a time skip of ten
years allows her time to train. At 1 hour 7 minutes, Rey meets a dried apricot. She steals a lightsabre without the knowledge
or blessing of its rightful owner. More importantly, the brand mascot for the
dried fruit company is a potential mentor. Even Disney knew they couldn't get away with
calling this thing a Jedi, but it's better than nothing. Nothing, there's a perfect description of
the knowledge and training Rey has so far. The apricot claims to know something about
the Force. Naturally, Rey instantly rejects the idea
of learning anything from a prune. Luke didn't reject the training, he just refused
to leave his home and family. He wouldn't abandon the farm to go off on
some damn fool idealistic crusade. Ben Kenobi was already committed to leaving
the planet, and Luke refused to follow until his uncle was ready to do without him. This puts Rey considerably behind, but it
could be salvaged. Time to move on. At 1 hour 30 minutes, Rey uses an old Jedi
mind trick. This is an active Force technique, it's not
some passive enhancement like the piloting skills of Luke and Anakin. Besides, passive Force usage is already required
to explain Rey's own piloting. Not even going to touch that. If we call this "active Force use", that puts
her 41 minutes faster than Luke, 75 minutes faster than Anakin. Except that's not right, because that would
be if Rey had telekinetically opened her restraints. The Jedi mind trick is exactly 3 hours and
two movies ahead of when a fully-trained Luke used one. Okay, now let's look past this absurd timing. This movie makes a distinction between the
Jedi and the Force. This is not a "Force mind trick", it is specifically
tied to the Jedi. Luke witnessed this ability before leaving
his homeworld for the first time. After training under two different Jedi masters,
for two movies, Luke learns the technique. A Force-sensitive person can learn this ability,
by inheriting the knowledge and experience of a thousand generations of Jedi. Fine then. Rey doesn't know it's possible, had no time
to learn, and didn't have access to the only people who knew this technique. Besides all that, what's wrong here? Well, for a wizard to cast this confundus
charm, it doesn't just take arcane knowledge and years of practice. Casting the Jedi mind trick requires a somatic
component. Like many others, this Force technique requires
a hand gesture (or equivalent appendage). One of the defining features of the somatic
component is that if your hands are bound, you can't cast that spell. Remind me of Rey's predicament at the time,
again? Oh. That's right, she's tied to a bed in a sturdy
set of manacles. Whoopsy-daisy, an innocent mistake that could've
happened to anyone. Anyone who did zero research on the subject
matter, anyway. Moving right along, at 1 hour 53 minutes,
Rey makes active use of the Force. This one is telekinesis, pulling a lightsabre
to her hand. Only 18 minutes ahead of when Luke did the
same thing, and 52 minutes ahead of Anakin. Except that in those cases, it was only lifting
against gravity. Rey is doing something fundamentally different
here: she is making an opposed roll. A trained Force user of a higher level attempts
to move the target object, and she wants to move it somewhere else. Suppose that Little Ani tried this against
Qui-Gon's apprentice. We know that Anakin has greater potential
in the Force than Obi-Wan, but is completely untrained. Who do you think would win a telekinetic tug-of-war? That's right, every single time the winner
would be the one who has trained for years. No amount of talent or conviction could hope
to overcome knowledge and experience. Well, actually there is one way this scene
might work. Yoda tells us that the Dark Side of the Force
is not stronger. He says it is quicker, easier, and more seductive. The only way for a complete novice- wait,
not a novice, that implies too much training. For a completely uninitiated layman to win
an opposed roll for Force use, it must be the Dark Side. The pathetic scavenger has known nothing but
a life ruled by aggression and fear. There exists no mentor to instruct her in
the Jedi way. Both of the Skywalkers are disciples of the
Light Side, the Jedi. If they gave in to hate, like Rey did, they
might've learnt telekinesis more quickly. Except that even this explanation doesn't
work. Rey doesn't go up against someone who is committed
to staying in the light. Her opponent is someone with years of training
in the Jedi way, and who has more experience with the Dark Side. This doesn't work at all, it's like Rey rolled
a 100 on a 6-sided die. That isn't even cheating, like with Watto's
loaded chance cube. It's a complete failure to understand what's
going on, it's playing hopscotch when the game is badminton. Continuing the comparison, with the stolen
sabre in hand, she has a fight. It's clear she has never seen a sword fight,
but she might've heard about one. Her swordsmanship is slightly more refined
than that of a 6-year-old with an imaginary stick. Oddly enough, it only gets worse from here. In this one, she keeps attempting a thrust. It never works, but it's better than the baseball
bat form she favours later on. There's an amusing mutual grapple, where both
parties have enough wrist movement to end it at any time. Again, this could work if she gave in to the
Dark Side, and her opponent had zero training. Aside from the laughable choreography, we're
interested in the timing. She wins a sabre duel 243 minutes ahead of
Luke, and 175 minutes ahead of Anakin. By the way, did I mention this duel is the
first time she has ever even seen an active lightsabre? Let's look at it another way. Instead of comparing the first duel the Skywalkers
win to the first one she wins, what about to their first duels? It's a bit complicated, because winning your
first sabre duel is unprecedented. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan have decades of practice
at sparring, so they aren't comparable. Rey Disney wins her first sabre duel 113 minutes
before Luke loses his first one. She wins her first duel 147 minutes before
Anakin loses his first one. She has never witnessed a lightsabre fight
before, when both Skywalkers had done hours earlier. Now, you could say this is because of the
calibre of opposition. Both Skywalkers had to fight a fully trained
Lord of the Sith, as a mere Jedi apprentice. Rey only duels an edgy teenage dropout, so
of course he's completely incompetent. She could probably win if she was completely
unarmed, given that he's completely unable to land a single strike. Then, she meets Jake: the depressed, cowardly
hermit. Rey's refusal to learn is matched by Jake's
refusal to teach. She claims that Kyle Ben is strong in the
dark side, but that's obviously false. If he was anything approaching competent or
powerful, she'd already be dead. At 3 hours 6 minutes, Jake Skywalker has a
giggle at her expense. This is the closest she comes to training,
and it lines up with Luke continuing his training under Yoda. This is also half an hour slower than Anakin,
who had all his training take place off camera between movies. After 3 hours 16 minutes, she does a little
dance while holding a stick. This is to practice her precision of movement,
coordination, accuracy, that sort of thing. It's no substitute for, say, a training remote. Good against remotes is one thing, good against
an inanimate lump of rock is something else. Rey isn't good at either, her Mary-Sue powers
only activate against the living. But if this is equivalent to Luke's first
lightsabre training, she is 140 minutes later than him. At 3 hours 36 minutes, she beats up a sad,
suicidal old man. I don't think there's an equivalent from Star
Wars to compare this to. By 4 hours into the reboot trilogy, Rey has
a fight against a pack of harmless red dudes. This roughly lines up with Luke's sail barge
fight, or Anakin in the Geonosis arena. There was never any real danger, and not just
because we know Anakin lives through it. Then, at 4 hours 34 minutes, she effortlessly
lifts a tonnage far greater than something Yoda struggled with. This isn't comparable to anything the Skywalkers
(or anyone else) do, for obvious reasons. Finally, after 5 hours and 1 minute of footage,
Rey begins to train. In terms of timing, this training is 119 minutes
behind Luke, and 151 minutes behind Anakin. Yet in terms of ability, Rey has remained
constant regardless of how much or how little training she gets. Why would she suddenly need training now? Of course, I do understand the reason. The mouse company realised that there is no
name they can call their detractors that will stop them from noticing things. Declaring Rey is the first female Jedi ever,
that won't work anymore. People keep pointing out how that's not true,
and how beloved the real Jedi were. Another academic article claiming everyone
who doesn't like the reboot is Russian, that's no help at all. Regardless of what they say, their Mary-Sue
character will still be called what she is. But by the time they realised they needed
to step up the damage control, it was too late. The training should have taken place during
or before the first movie. Failing that, it should've been both before
and during the second movie. Since none of that happened, the only remaining
place to put the training was before the plot of the last movie gets going. This is a perfect example of "too little,
too late". By the time the evil corporation attempted
a course correction, it made things worse. You see, the previous movies had established
impossible feats as something Rey can do. Suddenly deciding she does need training,
like a mortal from the Star Wars universe, is incorrect. You can't put the genie back in the toothpaste
tube. She can do things that require training, before
getting any training. Putting a training scene after the fact helps
nothing. Now that we've proven training isn't the answer,
what would a competent person have written? That's beside the point, because it wouldn't
look anything like the reboot universe. The first thing to fix is a very strange line,
right before the training. "I'm starting to think it isn't possible..” “.. to hear the voices of the Jedi who came
before." Well of course it isn't. Poe Dameron, this is your eleventh warning
about this. You mustn't take advantage of Rey's gullibility
like that. If you tell her she can hear the voice of
all the previous airbenders, she doesn't know that's a joke. She's spent the last three days floating,
and getting upset when she realises it isn't possible. This also means we need to remove a funny
line from the final boss fight. "And I, pant pant pant, heavy breathing, gasp,
huff and puff, am all the Jedi". I'd never considered leaving that in for a
nanosecond anyway, so it's no loss. To repair this, we need a spare part. Given that Rey never needs to learn or practice,
she must already have access to the knowledge. I've heard she stole the training during the
interrogation scene, when the Vader wannabe accidentally probed himself instead of her. This is laughable. You're telling me the badman isn't incompetent,
he just downloaded space kung-fu into his enemy by mistake? He can't beat someone with no training, because
he instantly trained her up to his own skill level? If that were possible, why wouldn't the Jedi
have used it? Grab anyone the least bit Force-sensitive,
install a lifetime of training, throw them into battle. No, that doesn't explain anything. The way to fix this is to turn Rey into a
walking McMuffin. Years ago, Jake Skywalker saw the future. He realised that Not-The-Empire would appear,
led by Not-Palpatine. It wouldn't be safe to operate in the open,
he would need to hide until the time is right. But any physical location can be searched. If Jake were to, say, write some books on
paper, they might get burnt. A Jedi holocron could be discovered and destroyed. He needed to hide the Jedi lore somewhere
nobody would look. Jake went to the planet Not-Tatooine, and
found a family of nobodies with a young child. A daughter a few years old, a Force-sensitive. Jake grasps the little girl by the face and
performs a Vulcan mind-meld. He installs a Jedi katra into her mind, then
covers his tracks. Young Rey is now a repository of all Jedi
knowledge, and she will never find out without help. When the time is right, he will return and
use that stored knowledge to set up a new Jedi temple. Rey's parents understand the risk, and the
dire need. He convinces them that the only way to save
the galaxy is by using their daughter as an unwitting pawn. All that is needed is to guide her to the
far side of the chessboard. The parents flatly refuse to sit around waiting,
when the stakes are this high. After an argument, Jake Skywalker relents. He will appoint a guardian to watch over the
girl, just as Kenobi kept an eye on young Luke. The decision reached, he reaches in to meddle
with Rey's memories. Her mind is scoured clean of anything that
might give away the plan. The names and faces of her parents, even her
own surname? Gone. Every childhood memory, every time the family
laughed and cried together? Jake couldn't risk leaving anything behind. He ushers the parents out, as the new guardian
holds young Rey by the hand. A ship takes off, and all three fly away. Young Rey is sure that ship departing represents
a great loss, but she doesn't know what. Time passes. Eventually Rey decides that the ship must've
been her parents. Everyone has parents, right? Everyone but her. All she had was Guardian, and he wasn't much
of a father. Years pass, and one day Guardian stops moving. No matter how much she pleads, or promises
to behave, he doesn't respond. He doesn't even blink, even after days. Finally she kicks Guardian in the shin, and
he falls face-first into the table. He makes no attempt to catch himself, and
clatters to the floor. Rey moves past the stage of bargaining. She thinks back over her life. Guardian never broke a sweat, no matter what. His body hasn't even started to decompose,
months later. Rey realises that Guardian had been a human
replica droid all along. As far as she can remember, Guardian was the
only entity in the galaxy that ever cared about her. Rey swears she'll fix him. If it takes the rest of her life, she'll repair
the droid. But to do that, she will need parts and know-how. Adolescent Rey becomes a scavenger. There are a few years of rations left over,
but not enough. She'll have to start selling any scrap that
won't help bring Guardian back to life. But the parts needed for a human replica droid
aren't standard on any make and model. She accepts defeat, and lives the rest of
her life as a scavenger. Until one day the plot catches up with her. When BB-8, Poe, and Finn turn up, something
unexpected happens to her. She starts getting flashes of insight, knowing
things she couldn't possibly know. When she gets into combat, she fights like
a thing possessed. Almost as if she has a thousand generations
of experience guiding her hand. Most of the time, though, that knowledge is
out of reach. And there we have it. Sure, it's not ideal, but the previous Disney
movies paint this one into a corner. Most of all, it's a way to explain how Rey
has abilities that require training, without any training. The ideal solution would be to fix these problems
at the source. And we will go back to those other two reboot
movies, believe me. Now that all the characters have been introduced,
it is time to start the main plot. The heroes meet up for a chat. There is a strange conflict added between
them. Mr Poe is opposed to the idea of Rey training. I'm with him, we've just established it isn't
necessary for her. Rey is concerned about the condition of the
Falcon. Its rightful owner, Chewbacca, is not asked
for his opinion. The data on R2D2 is decoded and the heroes
scrum for some very sudden news. I’m sure it isn’t bad news, though. It’s not like the Emperor has returned or
something. Let’s take a look at the ramifications of
this news. One particularly baffling idea extends throughout
the entire movie. A character says "there's no time", which
prevents any further questions from being asked. There's no time to think, otherwise the audience
might start noticing things. In A New Hope, there is one countdown. It starts at 30 minutes, until the Death Star
gets a clear line of sight. Ticking timers are not a very common feature
of Star Wars. They can exist, but it would be strange and
remarkable. Let's see what JJ uses for the timing mechanism. Remember, this is the foundation to the movie. Everything that happens is an attempt to stop
this clock. In this scene, you can almost see the writer's
hand, twisting the dial to sixteen hours. Soon, an enemy fleet will begin to attack
the territory of the good guys. That part is absolutely fine. In the Original Trilogy, the Death Star went
from one shot per day, to one every few minutes. JJ feels his responsibility is to make something
bigger. Start with a planet-sized Death Star shotgun
that shoots through hyperspace. End with the biggestest fleet ever, where
every Star Destroyer has a Death Star superlaser. Also there's a ticking clock now, the galaxy
is going to end this afternoon. Imagine there are no planet-destroying superlasers
in play. Not a one, or if you really insist, we can
accommodate just one. You see, Palpatine has returned before. After the first Death Star was destroyed,
the Emperor executed the man who designed it. Everyone knows who allowed such a flaw to
exist: that's right, none other than.. Bevel Lemelisk. He's the one with the eyepiece, not the devilishly
handsome chap. I'm sure Mads is a delightful actor to work
with, but he just isn't relevant to the history of the Death Star. I shall deal with him later. Bevel oversaw the creation of the Death Star
prototype, built near Kessel, to prove the superlaser could work. The prototype had the same 120km diameter
as the first Death Star, but was only a skeletal frame. The prototype had little more than a reactor
and main cannon, which were also less powerful than the final version. Nor did it have hyperdrives, or crew quarters,
or cells to keep your collection of princesses in. After the prototype was proven, the real Death
Star began construction in the Horuz system. Back to our man Bevel, who has just died in
the most painful way the Emperor can think of. And he can imagine quite a bit. Bit of a waste, though, losing such a talented
mind. The second Death Star was designed soon afterwards,
with Bevel working even harder in his newly cloned body. Just six years after the Battle of Endor,
in the year 10 ABY, the Emperor was reborn. Having just defeated Grand Admiral Thrawn,
the New Republic recaptured a vast swath of the galaxy. This was all part of the cloned Palpatine's
plan. His fleet swept in and attacked when the Republic's
military was occupied. In this case, he came from deep in the core
of the galaxy. He had created a new command vessel, a Super
Star Destroyer in a class of its own. The Eclipse: immense, painted black for no
other reason than to make its enemies afraid. The Victory-class Star Destroyer, the small
one that can operate below orbit, is one kilometre long. The original Imperial Star Destroyer is one
mile long, and so are the Imperial IIs. The original Super Star Destroyer, the Executor,
is 8km long. "Get on with it?" Fine. The Eclipse is 17. 5 kilometres long. Ten miles of ship. One of the minor features on it are gravity-well
generators. Or, to use another term for the same device:
hyperspace inhibitors. Just as you can't use or enter hyperspace
within a planet's gravity well, these gravwell generators do the same for the Eclipse. Its chief weapon is fear, fear and surprise,
oh and one other thing. By taking the longest straight line in the
ship, Palpatine was just barely able to cram a superlaser into a spinal mount. This devastating weapon is fully two thirds
of the power of the original Death Star's one. It can't annihilate the planet completely. The prototype of the Death Star could "only"
destroy the core of a planet, and the most Eclipse can do is crack the crust of the planet. That's enough reason to have the special effects
shot of a beam devastating a planet. Naturally, Luke Skywalker tracked down and
slew Palpatine, then destroyed the cloning tanks. Not before Palpatine slipped away, wearing
one last clone body that had been in the vat for only fifteen years. Technically this one died by his own hand,
when Leia and Luke destabilised a Force storm Palpatine had been summoning. The Eclipse was destroyed in the Force storm,
as was this clone body. The next clone, and the Eclipse II? A good question, for another time. Let's use this. We give Emperor Palpatine a new clone body,
and the Eclipse. Also, a large fleet of star destroyers. The one thing we don't allow JJ to have is
the superlasers. He gets to have just one, and it's nowhere
near the size and power of the original. Besides, JJ only blows up one planet in the
whole movie! Instead of a billion star destroyers that
can blow up a planet each, just have one really big one. And a large but reasonable fleet of ordinary
star destroyers. Why did JJ add Death Star superlasers to every
star destroyer? Surprisingly, it has nothing to with the power
of that planet-killing cannon. The reason is that JJ knows his fleet is too
large. His squillion star destroyers would prevail
over any opposition. To fix this, a normal person would reduce
the size of the invasion fleet. The solution JJ came up with was to make every
ship a million times more deadly. Why would you do this!? The star destroyer fleet has been equipped
with the most powerful weaponry the galaxy has ever seen. For exactly one reason. The only role they serve is as a force multiplier. No, not that kind of the Force; just military
might. The superlasers are not intended for this:
Destroying planets is not their purpose, it is a pretext. An excuse to install a device needed by the
plot. They are intended to solve this issue. It's not your fault, Poe. You weren't responsible for this situation. The one who put you up against far too many
star destroyers was JJ, because he thought it looked cool. And the only way you survived, is because
JJ was watching over you. After creating such an unbalanced fight, one
where there is no hope of victory, JJ rebalances it. Now he has his thumb on both sides of the
scale. The finale plays out with constant nudges
to keep it on course. The only reason the planet-killing guns exist
is to be a vulnerability. With a big gun slung out of the hangar, one
starfighter can beat a star destroyer. It's so the inspirational militia can win
at all. Without this Achilles' heel, Palpatine would
have won. One more thing: logistics. The ticking clock says that in sixteen hours,
the galaxy will be destroyed. But that's when the fleet gets ready to leave
its shipyard, that's not when the bad things happen. Surely some planets are closer to Exegol,
and they'll be destroyed right away. But other star systems are on the far side
of the galaxy, so Palpatine's fleet won't arrive until a bit later. There would be a slow process of the fleet
advancing through the free systems of the galaxy. By taking out the superlasers, we have a very
interesting situation. The Emperor's fleet has to actually fight
its battles. There will be a front line, combat both in
space and on the ground. There would be a war amongst the stars. If JJAbrams had made different decisions,
there could have been Star Wars. At every turn, JJ has done everything he can
to prevent Star Wars from happening. To prevent each battle within that war, every
encounter is one-sided. The superlaser destroys any planet without
a land battle, or it kills the star destroyer without a space battle. Instead of a front line moving as territory
is lost, it's just a timer. In sixteen hours, the galaxy is all destroyed
at once, with no travel time. There's even a timer to wipe out the fleet:
taking off is the only window to attack. If the fleet gets up to space, the shields
will make it too hard to hit the weak point. Imagine if the movie had been built on a star
war, where Palpatine's fleet is advancing across the galaxy. The progress is inexorable, the situation
hopeless. The good guys can't win even one battle, let
alone the star war. The most they can do is delay long enough
to evacuate a planet, if they're lucky. It's not that every second gets you closer
to the end of the galaxy. For that second, trillions of sapient beings
suffer under Imperial rule. That's bad enough, don't you think? Using a ticking clock for your story is clumsy
and inelegant. When
a countdown was used in the original Star Wars movie, it wasn't by choice. That decision was made while editing the movie,
so a timer was all they could manage. This is the most intuitive way to delay the
firing of the death star. The good guys, the bad guys, and the audience
all know the situation. If it was timed around the death star's power
recharging, the Rebellion wouldn't know the time remaining. The original movie used a timer right at the
end. It escalates the threat from the start of
the finale to the end. In contrast, JJ uses that timer for the whole
movie. But worst of all is that a better opportunity
was already set up. Adding the sixteen hour clock was unnatural:
the movie wanted to be about an interstellar war, but it was clumsily diverted. Further, this war is so compelling it could've
held up an entire trilogy. Imagine it. The Emperor's fleet extended across half a
galaxy, and the Resistance fleet concentrated into a single spearhead strike force. Even with this advantage, it goes from the
star destroyers winning quickly, to them winning slowly. That is the strongest resistance the good
guys can manage. The only hope of victory is a decapitation
strike: assassinate the reborn Emperor. Then the entire movie is about the journey
to that, and news of the war grinding on in the meantime. After the plan is set into motion, we have
a brief shot of Kylo. RJ destroyed JJ's cool mask. JJ gets out the superglue and tries to make
it look intentional. Just in time for his next meeting. We find out the fleet size. For every star destroyer, ten thousand new
ones have been built. If the First Order has one hundred, the Emperor
has exactly one million. Give Kylo ten thousand, and Palpatine has
a hundred million star destroyers. How many star destroyers might one need? There are millions of inhabited worlds in
the galaxy. Would this new fleet need one ship per planet? For that matter, how many star destroyers
does the First Order have? Surely they must have millions of their own,
if they control the galaxy. Or, maybe you can keep order with less than
a dozen star destroyers. Finding the size of the Empire's fleet would
offer insight, but I don't have those numbers. Never mind the size of the fleet. Kylo has people to Force choke, because that's
what Vader did. This fails to be impressive. Kylo's victim is in the middle of raising
strategic concerns. Admiral Motti is in the middle of claiming
Vader's abilities aren't real. That's the entire point of the scene. Vader also kills his enemies, which doesn't
apply here. He kills those officers who repeatedly fail
him. Kylo just doesn't have a reason for this. There's no way to tell if JJ intended that
to be the case. Given how many other times he's failed to
think a reference through, I doubt it was on purpose. Mistaken as it is, this is the most sensible
Force use in the entire film. Back on JJ's second imitation of Tatooine,
there is a desert party. Rey receives a necklace from an alien child. The necklace is needed immediately, for plot
reasons. It is an emergency plot coupon. We will tackle Rey’s Diad, Teleportation
and Healing powers now. It is all part of the same rotten Disney Skill
Tree. This part will be a little messy, and will
deal with several plot points. All necessary, before we can move forward. Next, there are more unauthorised Force powers. The entire finale to the movie is based on
two or three things JJ has invented. To give credit where it's due, he did go back
through the script to foreshadow them. Or at least, to prevent them from coming out
of nowhere to save the day. The first of these new inventions is to reveal
that Rey is a witch. Specifically, she is made of wood. JJ has had a great idea, he is extremely pleased
with himself. Rey, he explains, is a dryad. An entwife, a forest spirit that watches over
nature. Sort of a Force Lorax, if you will: she speaks
for the trees. I don't know what made him think that was
a sensible plan. There is no such thing as a Force Dryad in
the Star Wars universe. Or any other kind of dryad, as far as I know. This was only invented in order to patch holes
in his plot. Whenever something absurd happens, he can
just wave it away as being dryad magic. After all, if no dryads existed before, JJ
can dream up anything at all. Or perhaps this was all Disney, trying to
appeal to the Tolnedran demographic. They thought making their newest Disney princess
a dryad would be appealing. We can simply reject this idea and move along. It has no basis in fact, the desperate invention
of someone who ran out of good ideas. For no reason at all, let's look at a comment
Luke made. C-3PO asks how he can help his new master. Luke jokes that nothing can be done, unless: Luke is not serious. He wants to leave home, and these are jokes. He knows a protocol droid can't do any of
these things. In fact, that nobody can. That holds true for anyone in the Star Wars
universe. Obviously, that is no barrier to a Mary-Sue. That kind of bad fanfiction character isn't
bound by the reality she was shoehorned into. The reality-warping field will rewrite the
universe in whatever way would be convenient for her. Let's compare the abilities of a Mary-Sue
to what we already know is laughable. Could she speed up the harvest? I have no doubt. She can probably wring water from a stone,
or conjure it from thin air. Could she teleport Luke off the planet Tatooine? Of course she can, her ability to teleport
is essential for the plot of the movie. Could she alter time? I'll give you a hint: the Mary-Sue can always
do anything. This first shows up in a set of tunnels under
the quicksand beans. Why is there quicksand here? Nobody knows. How can one dig a tunnel through gravel? Just stop asking questions or trying to make
sense of the movie. Turn your brain off and look at the pretty
lens flares. These mysterious tunnels are the home of a
monster. When Jedi encounter such things, the scenario
plays out in the same way. Luke is dragged into the lair of a Wampa,
and cuts its arm off. Luke is dropped into Jabba's rancor pit, and
defends himself to its death. Obi-Wan is to be executed by an Aklay, and
defends himself to its death. Anakin was assigned a Reek instead, which
fails to trample or gore him. Not through lack of trying. Silly Jedi, let Mary-Sue Androcles show you
how it's done. Turns out the Jedi were the real monsters,
they just enjoy killing things for the sake of it. What they should've done is make friends with
the beasts. Offer them an arm to gnaw on. She senses that the giant snake has a thorn
in its paw. In response, she invents a new power to deploy. She has gained the ability of retrometabolism. The secret of reversing matter. In order to undo the wound on the snake, she
alters time. By rewinding back to before it got injured,
the big giant snake is restored to health. This sets up the use of this power another
three times or so before the end of the movie. This strikes many people as being silly. Gosh, if this was possible in the Star Wars
universe, it'd be quite handy. Maybe it has something to do with snake biology,
and doesn't work on anything humanoid. It certainly can't work against lightsabre
wounds, or that would've come in handy before. Imagine how different the story would be if
you could just Ctrl+Z away a stab from a lightsabre. Oh, I see. JJ just didn't think about the implications. The basic idea is quite solid. If you're making a computer game, it makes
perfect sense to give a healing option. You can even emphasise character using it. The Light Side can heal the player with nothing
but Mana points. The Dark Side can only drain life from another
being, they can't heal without a victim. But computer games aren't realistic, no matter
which universe they portray. If your buddy died from bullet wounds, a defibrillator
wouldn't help. Contrary to what some might have told you,
there is nothing inherently wrong with Force healing. It's a natural extension of the Force, I'd
be more surprised if it could do nothing to heal. Indeed, we find documentation of this back
in the West End Games RPG books. There is one difference between JJ's bright
idea and what is possible in Star Wars. In the Disney universe, Jedi can cast cleric
spells. Rey can yell "cure serious wounds", which
is the name of a touch spell. It works by channelling positive energy into
the target, so it'll damage the undead. Whoops, I might've been reading out a Dungeons
& Dragons spell description instead. Still, it just so happens to exactly describe
the abilities of a Disney spellcaster. Starts with the laying of hands, and it instantly
heals any wound. Convenient. Contrast this with an actual Star Wars RPG. In the West End books, Jedi have a similar
power. This one is named Accelerate Healing. As you might infer from the name, this is
fundamentally different from D&D&Disney. It allows for a Jedi to heal about twice as
fast as normal. If being stabbed with a lightsabre would normally
take eight months to recover from naturally, a Jedi can do it in four months. Notice how this way, the Star Wars way, injuries
still matter. In Disney Wars, fatal wounds can literally
be dismissed with the wave of a hand. That's just an RPG, though. Maybe it doesn't line up with either the canon
universe or the Disney one. Well, I just happen to have a reference here. It's from the prequel era, and it shows how
this power can make things more interesting instead of less. In the first book of the Jedi Apprentice series,
Qui-Gon has been injured by a vibroblade. He gets prompt medical treatment, and uses
the Force to accelerate his healing from there. This actually causes consequences, instead
of instantly removing them. Qui-Gon Jinn has spent the day using two powers:
Accelerate Healing, and Control Pain. Then he finds a situation where it would be
beneficial to use a Jedi mind trick on a Hutt. It is implied that if he were at his full
strength, Qui-Gon might be able to. If that's true, it would mean that Jabba's
resistance doesn't come from being a Hutt. Hutts are resistant, true, but the rest is
because Jabba has a strong mind as well. That would mean that Toydarians have a stronger
inherent resistance to mind tricks than the Hutts do. I'm okay with that. However, Qui-Gon fails to influence the Hutt
in question. Because it's possible to use the Force to
accelerate healing, that can be used to drain a Jedi's mana pool. It can take other Force powers off the table. It can force a choice between exhausting your
reserves to heal, or keeping them at the ready for the unexpected. A Jedi is patient. JJ Abrams is impatient, so he can't use the
Star Wars approach. If wounds took any time to heal, he wouldn't
be able to cram the whole trilogy into a single week. That means the finale has to be completely
replaced, which it needed anyway. It wasn't very good, or any good at all. Using the Force to heal is fine, so long as
it isn't directly related to the plot. If your story falls apart without the spell
Cure Serious Wounds, it was never a Star Wars story to begin with. Finally, we have the other pillar of the finale. Force Teleportation. If only Luke had asked Rey to teleport him
off that rock, instead of asking Threepio. In the Disney reboot universe, it is possible
to teleport at will. I can't prove this, but I get the impression
JJ thinks he was terribly clever. Once again, though, JJ will have to share
both credit and blame with RJ. This was established as part of the reboot
in TLJ, in this scene. It doesn't even have to imply teleportation,
though it's clear that's more likely it was supposed to be a teleport. Since Kylo wipes his face with the same hand
before looking at it, there are two explanations. Either he's gathering the teleported water
that splashed onto his face, or he's just been crying. If this were Star Wars, we could eliminate
the impossible. What remains, however unlikely, is the truth. In Star Wars, we would know he was crying
because teleportation is impossible. Is anyone surprised to hear JJ and RJ went
for something that isn't possible? Didn't think so. Now, let's go back to the RPG books. There are three sets, three systems. The oldest is by West End Games, and is based
on ordinary cubic dice, the d6. It is generally reliable, and covers the era
of the Original Trilogy. If there is a disagreement between West End
and a more recent source, I will probably go with the older one. Even if the contradictory material is a prequel
movie. After leaving West End, the RPG torch was
passed to Wizards of the Coast. This version really is just D&D in space,
or at least that's how it looks to me. Personally I've mostly played Dark Heresy,
so they look the same. This, the d20 system, is mostly based on the
icosahedral die. This one is new enough to take the Prequel
Trilogy into account. If you want to play a Gungan, you can do that
here. Or you could just run it past your West End
DM. The final version is from Fantasy Flight Games. This coincides with the reboot, but I don't
believe they're inherently linked. That system uses a variety of dice: d6, d8,
d12. They have custom-printed faces with a bunch
of symbols, which may be more user-friendly. Less maths, and they can print those symbols
in the rule books. It does make it harder to bring your own dice
bag, though. You'd need a conversion table for each number
to the appropriate symbol. Why bring this up? Well the middle one, Wizards of the Coast,
lists a relevant Force power. Its name is Fold Space. It allows a character to move an object from
one place to another, without passing through the space in between. That is to say, it's a teleport. This is limited by both range and the size
of the target object. It can scale up to teleport spaceships, but
the range still applies. You can probably teleport a data card from
surface to orbit, and vice versa. In contrast, the West End system makes no
mention of this power. Whatever value this ability offers, it does
far more damage than it's worth. Just find a way to write your Star Wars story
without teleportation being involved at all. I side with the West End approach on this
one. Where Force Healing is negotiable, teleportation
is right out. Looking back at the Disney movies, teleportation
is a premium feature of Force Skype. Assuming you maintain your subscription, you
can attach physical objects to the messages you send. This is why it only happens once in TLJ. Kylo was using the free edition, and Rey had
the free trial of Force Skype. They both upgraded their payment off-camera,
between movies. Perhaps they even decided to share a family
subscription plan: ooh, spicy. The first time we see Force Skype Teleport
used, it's to take a necklace. Personally I reckon teenage Kylo was trying
to cop a feel, but missed and got a handful of necklace instead. Analysis of the necklace lets him chase Rey,
but why? In the reboot, it's well established how tracking
works. You walk up to an underling, you demand that
he tracks something, and in the next scene that thing has been tracked. That's all there is to it, tracking is mostly
about wanting to know. There's no need to plant a homing beacon or
anything like that. The necklace is mostly to foreshadow Force Skype's
new attachments feature. Next, Rey accidentally sends Kylo's expensive
replica of Vader's mask to him. This reveals that she's in his bedroom, which
isn't quite how Kylo had imagined that happening. The last significant use of teleportation
is to solve the problem of Kylo being unarmed. He TLJed his own lightsabre, so Rey Force
Skyped the one she stole to him. Good riddance, that crossguard sabre was an
absurd design. You remember how Darth Maul had a double sabre? The reason it still worked after the hilt
was cut in half, is that Maul's is really two sabres. There are two complete sets of internal components,
back to back in an extra large casing. Two power cells, two blade emitters, two sets
of sabre crystals, and two complete sets of controls. It's nothing more than a lightsabre with a
second one sticking out the back. Asajj Ventress had two sabres with a bayonet
fitting on the ends, so they could be combined like Maul's one. Contrast this with Exar-kun. Sorry, I mean Exar Kun. This lightsabre was like any other, until
he modified it with a second blade emitter matrix. Notice that that's the only part that changed. No second power cell, no extra crystals, no
double-length casing. We don't know how he managed this, since he
used designs from a Sith holocron. This weapon is unique, nobody else has managed
to achieve two blade emitters with a single set of internals. Until the reboot. There is no question, Kylo's sabre must have
triple emitters. This can't happen by accident. If someone told you he built a sabre with
three blades by accident, you would know he's lying. "I've put three lightbulbs in my torch, and
I can't understand why there are three light sources now". You can't have a blade without a blade emitter,
it just doesn't work that way. There is zero chance of extra blades "venting"
out the side. Can't happen. It would be like saying you accidentally transmuted
lead into gold, and trying play that off as a failure. Creating a single lightsabre with multiple
emitters would be a legendary feat. Not some minor oddity. A lightsabre is a closed loop of energy. It shoots out from the emitter, then arcs
back to the flux aperture ring. The blade length can be adjusted, and is based
on amplitude. Suppose he installed side emitters to lower
the amplitude of the main blade. That wouldn't work to create crossguard quillons. The side blades would be a significant fraction
of the main blade's length, or they'd be much longer. Also, this does not function like the guard
on a metal sword. Lightsabre hilts are not immune to lightsabre
blades. For the crossguard to work, it would need
the gaps to be made of a sabre-resistant material. Otherwise the "guard" wouldn't be fit for
its purpose. However. If you have access to a sabre-resistant material,
and you're using it for a lightsabre hilt, and you want a crossguard. . . You can just make the quillons from Mandalorian
iron directly. None of the logical inconsistencies from this
design would apply, if that was the design. You could even say he installed red LEDs in
the crossguard, so it can glow. Now, back to teleportation. The plot of JJ's movie doesn't actually require
teleportation at all. Everything that can be accomplished through
a teleport, can be done another way. Adding teleport powers also causes any number
of problems. RJ's first teleport is across the galaxy,
to another star system. JJ's first teleport, the necklace, is also
vastly interstellar. In both cases, neither party knows where the
other is. It's an instant, unguided teleport to anywhere
at all. Since it isn't necessary, Force teleports
can, and should, be removed. Otherwise, guess what becomes possible. For one thing, using multiple lightsabres
is now easy. One in the hand, and the other can be teleported
around. Useful as a distraction, or to ignite the
sabre into a weak point. But even better, there's one unbeatable attack. Take a thermal detonator. Leia, disguised as Boushh, has a heavy Class-A
model from Merr-Sonn Munitions. It is particularly powerful, Jabba was well
within the blast radius. The standard-issue Imperial thermal detonator
is carried at the back of a stormtrooper's belt. They have blank control keys, to make it harder
to use if stolen. The Imperial one has a blast radius of 5 metres,
Leia's Class-A had a 20 metre radius. Everything within that sphere would be vaporised,
while everything else is unharmed. But if you can use the Fold Space power, the
Force can be used to attack. Can't be countered. You activate the grenade or thermal detonator,
then teleport it into the body of your enemy. There's no way it can be removed from the
stomach safely. The best scenario is that a vibroblade or
lightsabre is handy, and the other guy can cut it out before the bomb goes off. However, the utility of teleportation doesn't
end with telefragging. Imagine how the history of the galaxy would
play out if Force-users could teleport. The Jedi wouldn't be known as guardians of
peace and justice. The Jedi would be the Navigator Guild, the
Navis Nobilite. With their unmatched teleportation abilities,
there could be no better way to move objects to anywhere in the galaxy. If it was possible to Force teleport in Star
Wars, the history of the galaxy would be completely different. Wait a minute, the history of the Disney Wars
universe is indeed completely different from Star Wars. Like the rest of JJ's ending, this is completely
unsalvagable. It isn't necessary, and it isn't possible. That means taking this absurd idea out won't
even change anything of consequence. Nothing in the reboot trilogy would even be
affected, except the bits that never made any sense. The simplest explanation seems the most likely. JJ thinks the Force is like magic, or a superpower. It can just do anything he wants, no constraints
exist on the writing. That isn't even how good wizards are written,
or superheroes. I'm quite certain JJ never planned to include
Lando. When he does, it's implemented as a reference
to the originals. Lando Calrissian is undercover in the land
of sand. What a surprise, for this to have happened
again! Look, he's even got something on his wrist. Okay, so it's the outside of his left wrist
instead of the inside of his right. Close enough for fans of the reboot. Lando was just the next name on the list. After Disney has killed the primary heroes
of the original trilogy, Lando is on the chopping block. His character is mostly intact, surprisingly. Nothing shown here conflicts with his original
character. There isn't very much shown, and I might have
written it differently. Still, at least it is consistent. Kylo has exploited Rey’s teleportation magic
and now knows where our heroes are. They have to make a getaway. Excuse me? What was that? Can you say that again? I’m not quite sure if I heard you. Didn't quite catch that, would you mind repeating
the same words another few dozen times? This dialogue is silly. Is it meant to be a joke? I'm not laughing, and the characters aren't
laughing. This is no laughing matter. But if we assume this is meant to be serious,
the tone is completely wrong. Perhaps this is supposed to be comic relief,
instead of just failed comedy. Comic relief is a traditional part of Star
Wars, a moment of levity to enhance seriousness. Think of Jar-Jar and Threepio: they allow
the rest of the movie to stay serious. It's about managing the emotions of the audience,
to stop them from getting desensitised to the star war. The scene starts with hotwiring a pair of
ramshackle landspeeders. Then, the ducktroopers arrive on their own
vehicles. This is the infamous, what, "treadspeeder"? This is okay, I might enjoy riding one of
them myself. But you have to ask yourself what the point
of the tracks is. Tracks are good over moderately rough terrain,
where wheels can't go. Because the weight is spread out, ground pressure
is lower than with wheels or legs. That would be an argument for using continuous
track on a sand planet, to avoid sinking into dunes. The downside of tracks is extra maintenance,
and a lower top speed. This seems like a solid set of arguments to
make tracked bikes. However, this is Star Wars. We've definitely seen tracked vehicles, but
you can't exactly drag race a sandcrawler. There is one other option that Earth doesn't
have: repulsorlifts. We've seen Luke's landspeeder, Jabba's sail
barge , and scout trooper speeder bikes. Almost every advantage to tracks is trumped
by repulsors. Terrain doesn't matter until it's as tall
as the hover ceiling, completely bypassed. Ground pressure is nonexistent: we don't see
sand reacting to the weight floating above it. Further evidence comes from Jar-Jar Binks's
introduction. Qui-Gon tackles him to the ground, and an
MTT transport floats over the pair. We see air blowing from the cooling exhaust,
but these are repulsorcraft, not hovercraft. The weight must be transferred directly to
the world's gravity well, not to the ground underneath. The Multi-Troop Transport is extremely heavy,
most of it is armour and repulsors. We'd expect Qui-Gon to be crushed, if ground
pressure applied underneath repulsorcraft. All repulsorlifts have one very simple limitation
to their use: a gravity well to push off is necessary. Though, as we can see, the IT-O interrogator
droid can hover inside the Death Star, which clearly has artificial gravity. So the same repulsors that allow it to float
on a planet, must also work when exposed to the equivalent artificial gravity. Most people pay no attention to the artificial
gravity. We know at least 62% of all films are shot
on Earth, so we're not surprised by gravity staying 1G in all the footage. It also turns out that tracks can be a vulnerability. The First Order looked at a hover bike, and
intentionally replaced it with this. Why is the continuous track offset so far
to the front? Traditionally, tanks and bulldozers have their
tracks underneath, instead of this position. Moving the track underneath would make it
far safer. Alternatively, extending a thin armour shroud
over the exposed track would have saved this bike. When this grapple attempt happens, we're meant
to think of T-47 versus AT-AT. Instead, I'm reminded of the 74-Z speeder
bikes from back in the Star Wars universe. They have exposed steering vanes, which could
be tangled as easily as tracks can. Still, they chose to show a kind of failure
the OT design was immune to. What else am I supposed to conclude about
this vehicle? There is one Star Wars advantage to tracks. As you may remember, shields can be bypassed
by a grounding connection. If there were a planetary shield in use, a
tracked vehicle could pass right through. In that one scenario, treadspeeders would
be superior to hovering speeder bikes. Of course, JJ can't use that, because he later
declares shields don't work in atmosphere. Also, our new heroes are on repulsorcraft,
so they'd be stopped by a shield. If I were consulted on this, and couldn't
change much of the scene, I'd alter course. Show the terrain as being something suited
for tracks over repulsors. What might that look like? Well, look at Luke's X-34 landspeeder. It has three turbine engines, making their
distinctive high-pitched whine. These are like the propulsion fan in an air
boat: they provide only thrust. Keeping the machine up is buoyancy or repulsors,
a completely unrelated principle. I bet these are weak to hills. I'm quite fond of Darth Maul's speeder bike. It's something different from the scout troopers
in Episode 6, but still believable. My physical reference on it is from 2012,
right before the reboot line. The make and model are Razalon FC-20. Apparently the bike is named the Bloodfin,
which sounds about right. His Sith Infiltrator is identified as the
Scimitar. We also see him ride the bike off a cliff. It immediately drops down, and continues at
the same height above the ground as before. This proves landspeeders have a hover ceiling,
tuned to be quite low to the surface. The Empire's 74-Z bikes top out at 25 metres. The sail barge was the best Jabba could afford,
and could achieve ten metres. Like the MTT, the sail barge can use repulsorlifts
for propulsion. Though there is a small green thruster visible,
that's true of Maul's bike as well. Luke's Incom T-16 Skyhopper is an airspeeder
instead. We all know a T-16 has similar controls to
an Incom T-65 X-Wing, or T-47 snowspeeder. Skyhopper repulsorlifts can reach 300 kilometres
up. It wouldn't make sense that its altitude changes
just because Beggar's Canyon happened to be underneath. I have to conclude that on a hill, a landspeeder
will strain its repulsors more, from trying to keep itself level without touching the
ground. And that going uphill will also put more work
on the thrust turbines. Whereas to a bike with wheels or tracks, hills
are no big deal. Okay, now on a desert planet covered in sand,
can anyone think where some hills might be? This brings us to the only other feature of
JJ's tracked bike. The toy will come with a spring, so it can
launch your action figures across the room. On a chase over perfectly flat ground, it's
no real advantage. Suppose the chase actually took place across
a field of sand dunes. If the goodies have any head start, they might
be hidden from the baddies. Now the man-catapult comes in. Take the trooper riding pillion, use the bike
to launch him into the air. Now he can see exactly where the prey is,
and relay that back to all bike teams. Suddenly, I'm no longer confused about whether
this scene is comedy or not. This is a sensible tactic for the situation,
it makes you think the stormtroopers have done this before. Or at least have thought about it. You could even play it for laughs: boing,
there's a falling sandtrooper. Then it dawns on our heroes that while we
laugh at their antics, vision goes both ways. The snarl of bike engines drifts over the
dunes, and the soldiers sweep in from all directions. Look at how easy that was, how the scene writes
itself for you. The lore partially controls your actions,
but it also obeys your commands. Our established lore tells you the will of
the canon. When you learn to quiet your mind, you'll
hear it speaking to you. As soon as you set up the premise, we know
Imperial forces should want to fight in the dunes. I've already gone on for longer than the chase
scene, so it's time for this. Only now will I allow them to fly. I have no problem with flying stormtroopers. In fact, I would immediately interrogate JJ
for the specifications. Look, matey, I can accomplish that for you
in at least three distinct ways! You've got to consider these things. Wait, no, there's four or five ways. What are the existing Star Wars options? In one hand there's a jetpack, on the other
hand there's a rocket pack. And on the final front hand, there are still
repulsorlifts. I'll explain the implications of each, but
there are two exotic options. One would be wings, presumably a mechanical
set more like insect than bat or bird wings. Another would be lifting gas, inflating one
or more balloons from a backpack tank. These two are probably more trouble than they're
worth. Let's start with the rocket pack. These are powerful, and they just work. Doesn't matter if you're on Hoth or Dagobah
or in a sarlacc, the rocket pack is your reliable companion. The Old Republic used rocket-jumper troopers,
a few thousand years ago. Bit thirsty on the fuel consumption, so you
can't run it for ages. Just like 20th century Earth rockets, they
carry all the fuel and oxidiser needed. A rocket pack doesn't care if it's underwater,
in vacuum, or if the air is pure nitrogen. The other main option are jet packs. These are a bit simpler, cheaper, and more
compact than rocket packs. These have air intakes, so only tanks of fuel
are needed. This means jet packs can only work in a breathable
atmosphere. Personally, I spend a lot of time in breathable
atmospheres, so jets will do fine. Boba Fett and I happen to agree on this one. Jango Fett had much the same model, but with
a different missile attached. Finally, repulsor packs. If you think jetpacks are cool, you probably
won't like these. The key factor is speed, which a repulsor
pack just can't give you. With a small man-portable flight pack, it's
all a trade-off. Repulsors give you the ability to linger effortlessly,
for hours at a time. They're also more precise in their movement,
more agile and controllable. So, not much use in combat, but very practical. You might bring a repulsor pack with you to
any number of jobs, but a jet pack is more of a hobby item. The ideal solution would be to combine the
two technologies into a hybrid pack. It will be bulky, there's no getting around
that. With the repulsor to keep you aloft and the
jets giving a speed boost, it's the best of both options. Anything a jetpack can do, the hybrid can
do better. Except being able to face sideways and walk
through a door. The hybrid's probably not what the Empire
would pick, though. They'd most likely go for a jetpack, which
is what appears to happen in the movie. Verdict: "they fly now" is absolutely fine,
the flying part anyway. The vehicles and use of terrain, abysmal. It's less like a car chase, more of a. . . well, it was genuinely filmed on rails. No wonder it looks like the whole sequence
is a linear track directly from plot point L to K. That'll do for the desert. One more thing. It turns out this quicksand is another reference,
but not to Star Wars. This is a reference to a previous JJ movie. He invents the planet Jakku, which has quicksand. But JJ never shows these "sinking fields". Later, he invents a new desert planet, named
Passana. By an amazing stroke of luck, this planet
has the same hazard JJ invented for the other planet. Now it's time to talk about the droids. R2-D2 is well-loved by fans, often one's favourite
character of all. As for C-3PO, he is far less popular. Still, it's possible to have him in interesting
scenarios. A deliberate choice was made with C-3PO. They decided to say he can translate the Sith
language, but that he refuses to. This is an obvious reference to Star Wars
6, in the Ewok village. "It's against my programming to impersonate
a deity. " That's a good reference to have, because
this is the single best example of Threepio's character. You can say it's just programming, but that's
still a characteristic of who he is. There are better ways to do the same job. This plot point does several things. The most important is a fake death scene,
which is in itself another reference. It also serves to add complexity to the plot. One more hurdle erected on the road to the
final boss fight. Plus this introduces a droid specialist named
Frick. Frick is cute as heck, arguably the most popular
character in the movie. To say I've fixed something, the new version
needs to better accomplish the same goals. Otherwise I haven't fixed anything, I've just
replaced it. These movies are not irredeemable. On the contrary, they are so easy to fix,
you can retain almost everything about them. All it
would have taken was a moment's thought, from anyone involved. You don't even need an expert, just to listen
to someone who's moderately informed. Run all your bright ideas past him, half end
with a veto, and the rest are reworked to be possible within Star Wars. Saying Threepio can translate but won't, is
the same as if he can't. Functionally it changes nothing, except maybe
subverting expectations. "Bet you never predicted this to happen!” And once again, that feature is one that we
can retain while fixing it. Does it make sense for a droid built for etiquette
and protocol to speak Sithlish? Yes and no, but I reckon mostly no. He can figure out a translation for the Ewoks,
and not because he knew it already. The language has similarities to the six million
he already knows, and Threepio can learn the rest. The Sith were thought to be extinct for a
millennium, about 50 years ago. Let's handle the complexity first. An obvious answer would be that Threepio can't
read Sith. Yet. This gives the team an errand to run: looking
for a way to learn the language. That alone could fill an hour of run time,
and we haven't even started being creative. Perhaps they go to a museum, and look at an
engraved Sith tablet. Maybe it's gibberish, and Threepio can immediately
tell this is a replica. So they break in and look for the original. Whatever they try, it doesn't work. Then, they track down the required component. C-3PO was built with a TranLang III communications
module. Times change, and that won't be top notch
anymore. Maybe they buy, borrow, or steal a TranLang
IV module to replace it. Maybe a cantankerous archeologist named La'ra
Xroft put together a module containing the Sith language. The most logical place to look for these parts
is inside another protocol droid. The galaxy is not short on options. One we know would be compatible is a military
M-3PO. Not a battle droid, despite coming with spooky
red glowing eyes as standard. The M-3PO is built to handle paperwork the
soldiers don't want to put up with. Imagine its personality when talking to C-3PO. Another model, the PD series, is fully sealed
and weather-proofed. C-3PO is better at his job, because the PD
is also built for genetic manipulation. The LOM series is a cheeky copy of the 3PO,
by a different manufacturer. Not exactly handsome, but I'm not in the target
demographic. They're reasonably popular with the various
insectoid races of the galaxy. A bit more calm than the competition, and
we don't mention the one that's a bounty hunter. Similar looking, there is the J9 worker drone. People say they were made by the Verpine,
in Roche, but that's for short. It's Roche Hive Mechanical Design and Construction
Activity for Those Who Need the Hive's Machines. The J9 drone was a protocol droid, but only
had a TranLang II module by default. No reason one couldn't have been upgraded
by now, though. Another distinctive one is the CZ made by
Serv-O-Droid. These were built to be secure comlink and
messenger droids. Its memory banks are so secure, you'd have
to talk it into willingly giving you the data. We see some non-functional ones, destroyed
by Jabba the Hutt. This one is CZ-3, after Jabba had installed
a surveillance module. Perhaps the most likely to have a Sith module
is the RA-7 personal assistant. These all started out in Imperial service,
to the point "Death Star droid" means only this model. They were common, but not considered very
good at what they do. Unless you're in the Imperial Security Bureau,
that is. The real purpose is to spy on Imperial officers,
which is useful right now. Suppose a Death Star droid had seen a researcher
handling Sith artefacts. That might be enough for C-3PO to learn the
Sith language. Or an ancient model, the SE4, which make decent
translators. They'll speak Bocce and Huttese, but might
not know any Shyriiwook. However, there's already a slot on its chest
for a skill module. This one detail makes it perfect for our purposes,
as C-3PO doesn't have this slot at all. It's impossible to use a skill package from
an SE4 in a 3PO, not without a droid technician. R2-D2 and C-3PO are two of the most famous
droids ever built. In the original lore, their manufacturers
noticed, and acted accordingly. Some 3PO-series protocol droids are over a
hundred years old. Now there exists the C-series, from C-1 to
the C-9. Cybot Galactica has officially stated that
this is not intended to cash in on C-3PO's fame. How does C-3PO feel about the new model to
replace him, is it any good? Wait a minute, if there's a new model, why
drag this old thing around? Our heroes rush through the process of installing
the upgrade. It doesn't work. C-3PO explains that the digital certificate
on this part expired six years ago, or worse, is unofficial. He would not, could not, install this language
pack without a licence key. The team considers buying a subscription,
but the Cybot Galactica head office is closed today. They're out of their depth, so finally they
call Babu Frick. The technician can sort this out, thank Frick. The manufacturer condemns user modifications,
but this is what Frick does all day. It'll just mean resetting the droid to factory
settings, and that's no loss at all. By the way, when was the last time you had
your 3PO unit's memory erased? If you don't wipe them regularly, they can
get quite peculiar. This is the other reference. A reference to the very first Star Wars movie. After buying two droids, Owen Lars tells Luke
to have Threepio's memory erased. It never happens in the end, except after
the prequels. It's clear in A New Hope that Threepio doesn't
remember everything the same way Artoo does. A memory wipe is a good way to pull off a
fake death scene for him. But instead of a foolhardy legal excuse, have
something the audience sees differently from the characters. Where we think "oh, that's like jailbreaking
or rooting a phone", the characters are outraged. You mean we have everything to save the galaxy,
but a company's greed has stopped us? Frick! Hey Frick, can you circumvent the DRM and
install this? Notice how there are a dozen fake deaths in
this movie? I suspect these are a cheap way to prompt
emotions from the audience. Yet, without the constraint of that character
really dying. In Star Wars, only Anakin Skywalker had a
fake death. From a certain point of view. We all know Boba Fett escaped the sarlacc,
but that wasn't in the movie. JJ's has the wrong approach entirely. The
lack of care affects the plot, to be sure. It also shows up in the smallest details of
the costumes. Sometimes they imitate the shape of something
we know. The function of these details, nobody in authority
knows about. This item is called a medallion. When inserted into a ship's CD player, it
acts as a key. The plot calls for our new heroes to stroll
around a fully armed and operational star destroyer. How could they possibly manage to do that? Well, this medallion is a ticket past all
the logical hurdles to that plan. But this is a new item JJ has invented, so
let's see what already existed that he could've used. Have a look at these pictures. Notice anything these men have in common? That's right, they're all carrying several
pens we never see them write with. Why would Grand Moff Tarkin need four different
ballpoint pens? This object from the Star Wars universe is
called a "rank cylinder". It's a good thing they don't smell as rank
as a trash compactor, because they are never far from one's nose. Officers within the Empire's military would
display these on their uniforms, next to any medals they might have. Like medals, having many rank cylinders isn't
the same as being important. But both items do imply prestige and power,
which I'll explain in a moment. In the Star Wars universe, there is no such
thing as the First Order. When the Empire fell after the Battle of Endor,
it didn't happen overnight. What was left of the Empire formed into the
Imperial Remnant, a powerful faction for decades to come. The Imperial Remnant still uses rank cylinders,
and the New Republic has equivalent tech in things like ID cards. Technically speaking, this cylinder is a dongle. To access restricted areas or files, you must
insert your rank cylinder and key in the correct access code. Your permissions are linked to this, and the
system records your every move. It also stores what we call biometric data:
fingerprints, voice, retina, that sort of thing. Of course, even the Empire has more than a
few non-humans in the ranks, and many more as contacts. We can't assume every race has dermatoglyphic
features on its fingers, or that it has fingers. Or, if it has fingerprints, that they uniquely
identify an individual. As for why officers have more than one rank
cylinder, that's one for each facility they have access to. You could imagine an Imperial courier ending
up with several cylinders, despite the lack of prestige. Keeping them separate is an important security
feature. Stealing a rank cylinder from the Death Star
won't do any good on a Super Star Destroyer. Let's compare them. JJ's First Order captain's medallion allows
anyone to access anything. The rank cylinder gives a specific officer
access to what he should need. According to the Disney Wars ™ Databank
®: “First Order officers use data-medallions to verify their identities while travelling,
with the devices transmitting encrypted codes. Such verifications help cut through bureaucratic
snarls and maintain secrecy during covert operations. Quite right, it would seem. Very useful for covert operations against
the First Order. Two sentences on this plot-crucial item in
the data bank. And a whole half of them are the explanation
required for the plot. My hard copy references on Rank Cylinders
span multiple pages. Printed in ‘97, naturally. The original key solution, in the form of
Rank Cylinders, has existed since the 1970s. Let’s play “Spot The Difference.” Do you see? Yes. That’s right. Those maniacs finally really did it. They created a worse version of something
that has existed for 30 years. And they did this while looking right at a
better solution. And erasing it. The medallion has no security of any kind,
it works for anyone holding it. The rank cylinder has a password on it, and
support for biometric scanners. The medallion has no limitations on its use. It belonged to a ship captain, who either
had it stolen or sold it himself. Yet the First Order doesn't know a medallion
went missing. Whereas the Empire changes the rank cylinder
passwords on a monthly basis. This writes a whole scene for you! Our heroes would need to get a rank cylinder. But not any old one: it needs to come from
an officer stationed where they want to infiltrate. Tracking down this guy can take any path,
over any length of time. When you have the right one, you then need
to steal the correct rank cylinder. On top of that, you need to get the correct
password for that exact dongle. Biometric security can be ignored if you want,
or take up several minutes. And after all that, you have a ticking timer
to use it by! The rank cylinder could stop working at any
second the writers want it to. Using this instead of the captain's medallion
not only gives more options, it looks better. It makes both sides, goodies and baddies,
seem more competent. A costume designer somewhere accidentally
made this worse. The Disney universe is full of various pens. Both TLJ and TFA have uniforms with many cylinders. These are superficial details, they have no
purpose for the characters. A lot of things are superficial copies, and
not always from Star Wars. There is certainly no regard for how any of
this works. All sci-fi is basically the same, right? The movie doesn't convey the location well,
but the setting for this part of the story is another moon in the Endor system. Some assume it's a complete mistake, that
the wreckage can't fly at lightspeed and would need to spend decades to drift a single parsec. Disney did actually solve this, by putting
the wreck on a nearby moon of the same gas giant. They just didn't give the audience any indication
that anyone knew about this pitfall. The easiest topic is the earliest on screen. The Falcon would not crash land like a Galaxy-class
saucer. At this point, the Millennium Falcon is en
route to Endor. The crash is set up with one moment
of dialogue. Okay, something is wrong with the landing
gear. That's a very specific problem. The ones discussing the problem are Chewie
and Mr Poe: the being who knows the Falcon better than anyone else in the galaxy, and
a pilot. They should both know a hyperdrive from a
hydrospanner, a laser cannon from a landing leg. If these two say the shield projector has
been hit, it won't be the shield generator instead. Let's take a look at how the Falcon lands
normally, with full use of its landing gear. Without landing gear, the ventral turret will
be crushed, the boarding ramp won't open, and the ship won't be level. But that leaves the dorsal turret, and the
top hatch from Empire Strikes Back. We know what it means for the landing gear
to be busted. In JJ's movie, the Falcon ploughs a trench
through the dirt. This is the sort of crash landing you might
see on an aeroplane, if its landing gear is busted. Instead of rolling to a stop, the jumbo jet
scrapes along the ground. This is exactly what you'd expect from a vehicle
made using 20th century Earth technology. Based on the trench it carved, I'm convinced
this is an imitation of the movie Star Trek Generations. From the moment the saucer of the Enterprise-D
hits the atmosphere, it takes more than three minutes to stop. This is a tragic scene where all the characters
aboard are in peril. The ship they love makes one last effort to
keep them safe, even as she's rent asunder. It needs to be that long a scene, otherwise
we don't feel the weight of it. Regardless of what the inspiration was, it
isn't correct for the dialogue. A landing gear failure on the Falcon would
never cause this. Spaceships in the Star Wars universe have
three distinct engine systems. The most visible are the sublight engines. The old lore says sublights have harmful emissions
and mustn't be used in the atmosphere. That is false: we can clearly see the Falcon's
engines flare when it blasts off from docking bay 94. The wiki acquired by the mouse seems to have
picked up this detail. This has confused some people, because I describe
it as old lore. Yet only the new Discanon section mentions
it. The Legends part of the Rodentwiki does not
have that detail. Those who depend on this wiki for their lore
are left confused. I have tracked down the origin of this detail. In 1996, there was no mention of harmful sublight
exhaust. It's not in the description of sublight engines
in the Essential Guide to Vehicles and Vessels. Then, in 1998, the cross-sections book for
the OT was released. In the introduction, it covers the three engine
systems. As far as we can tell, this is the first mention
of dangerous radioactive emissions. In the Expanded Universe, this does not ring
true. We never see this depicted. No starship ever flies with inactive sublights,
until a certain distance from a city. It doesn't line up, so the book must be wrong. After the reboot, the Disney universe was
undefined. No knowledge truly existed about it, because
JJ might contradict the Expanded Universe. As they published a new set of books, to replace
the existing lore, this factoid was swept in. But notice how it mutates in the process. The area changes from near people, to the
whole atmosphere. The motivation changes from causing no harm,
to following the law. In the 1998 book, this describes the behaviour
of pilots. They use their engines in this way, because
of radiation. This is a fun detail for some setting, but
it doesn't fit in Star Wars. In the Discanon article, it talks about laws. Because the lore in question contradicts the
movies, more is needed. Every time we see sublight engines used in
atmosphere, that's illegal! The Falcon needs to escape fast, so Han breaks
all the laws. It certainly adds a little tension. Oh no, Han's hot rod doesn't have a catalytic
converter installed. When the Falcon blasted out of Mos Eisley,
that meant the illegal use of its engines. Will the scoundrel get a ticket, and pay a
fine? In 1998, pilots use repulsorlifts near civilisation. Irradiating the locals would not be the right
thing to do, so it's a fact that pilots avoid doing it. In the 2018 Disney book, it's illegal anywhere
in the atmosphere. Sublights should be for emergencies, but everyone
uses them all the time. We never see anyone obey this law. If that's the case, how harmful can these
emissions even be? Is the law pointless, the Empire extorting
fines from the locals? Trying to keep this scrap of lore is more
trouble than it's worth. Time to drop it and move on. If the sublight engines break down in deep
space, you're dead in the water, becalmed. Can't move the ship, so you'd better fire
up a distress beacon. Another engine is the hyperdrive, which doesn't
move the ship so much as shunt it into hyperspace. We all know what happens when the hyperdrive
doesn't work. The final drive system is repulsorlift. If you have no landing gear at all, that's
still no problem: you can gently coast down on repulsorlifts, making a safe and controlled
landing. To fix this, the dialogue would need to say
broken repulsorlifts instead. That gets you almost the same result, but
with one huge difference. JJ shows the Falcon crashing like an aeroplane. To be in the Star Wars universe, in this scenario,
it needs to be flying backwards. Without repulsors, the only way to slow down
is like a moon lander: using sublight engines to hit the brakes. There are two paths to a landing. One is to come down almost vertical, with
the engines facing the ground, and the cockpit pointing to space. Using the main sublight engines, we bring
the speed down from orbital velocity. As the last of the speed gets scrubbed off,
the Falcon will fall over, hopefully belly-down onto the landing gear. This is extremely violent, not good for the
ship or its contents. It's a good excuse to break the Falcon, for
plot reasons. The other option is coming in at a very shallow
dive, flying backwards with engines to the front. It's the same as the vertical one in the end:
when it runs out of speed, the Falcon drops out of the sky. The difference is that this one doesn't have
any rotation as the ship is already horizontal, and this can plough a trench. Either flight path would look spectacular,
and be unprecedented but true to Star Wars. It would certainly be more exciting than having
the crash happen off-camera. This location has a particularly rare resource. Apparently, the whole world is full of ex-stormtroopers. I'm told there's speculation about their parentage. That all the Disney stormtroopers are Lando's
children. That doesn't quite sound right to me. There is a lot to be said about Disney stormtroopers. Stealing children and waiting for them to
grow up is rather odd. It's not particularly efficient, and it means
the First Order have been operating for a long time. We would expect this idea to be more prominent. Are Disney troopers trained in horseback riding? If not, the mutineers needed to learn that
on this world. There's no need for a Lando connection, because
their predicament is interesting on its own. An entire movie could have been dedicated
to rallying the ex-stormtroopers. They don't fill the role of Ewoks, because
we spent time with the teddies. A colony of deserters could be entertaining,
but it isn't in the movie. Now it's time to deal with the last of the
plot coupons. JJ's movies are based on locating an item,
which eventually leads you to the end credits. In this case there is a book, which points
to a pyramid. To get the pyramid, a knife is required. To get the knife back, a medallion is needed. Getting the pyramid unlocks the end of the
movie. The knife had a lot of thought put into it,
and it was still a rotten idea. They weren't trying to portray the Sith as
gormless, they just had a limited amount of time. They also assumed the lore ran as deep as
their known unknowns, so it didn't matter. In fact, their unknown unknowns are fathomless. Let's be clear: JJ did his best to foresee
all the problems with this knife. He did steer clear of Scylla, but set a course
directly into Charybdis. This isn't a question of canon: the knife
doesn't work in ANY universe. This behind-the-scenes footage shows JJ designing
the knife. The shape of the knife blade is supposed to
match wreckage on the horizon. The problem is normally said to be geometry. The knife points to a different destination,
depending on where you're standing. Which is true, but not necessarily damning. The Death Star is on the horizon, it's too
big to be any closer. According to the Disney section of the wiki,
this moon has a diameter of 3,725km. That means the horizon is 8. 6km away, when the knife is ten metres above
sea level. Assuming you can line it up within one degree
of accuracy, you have 3626 square metres to stand on. That would make your search area the same
size, a square 60 metres or 200 feet per side. Not good, but close enough if you're sufficiently
motivated. What actually makes the knife nonsensical? Erosion. The movie itself makes it clear that exposed
to the elements, the Death Star wreck is losing. It's falling apart, corroding, and it absolutely
will not stay the same shape over multiple decades in the ocean. In this case, the map will last longer than
the territory. So we have to replace the knife. From that clip earlier, there were many alternative
props. First, this pentagon-based object made of
leather. It needs to be held up to the light, perhaps
to overlay the maps on each face. This works fine, but there is a claim the
map object needs to be more durable. Next, we have scrolls. Some of these are clearly less sturdy than
the leather, but not others. One of them is a segmented scroll, made of
narrow strips of a hard material. This is an easy winner: it looks interesting,
it's unlike anything seen in a Star Wars movie, and doesn't have the issues of the knife. Another prop on the table almost looks like
a lightsabre hilt. Presumably this is a hologram projector, which
is a good way to store a map. We've seen R2-D2 project a holomap on Naboo. There's also a squat cylinder, with no discernable
function. Even that can't be worse than the knife. Finally, this one. It could be much more simple, a slab or tablet. That works too, it's absolutely sufficient
to write down some coordinates. Every single prop JJ turned down was a better
idea than the knife. Replacing the knife gets you an entirely new
direction. Whatever the new item is, it has different
implications from the knife. Those hints tell you how to write the rest
of the story. The leather and the holomap imply different
histories to the map they contain. The movie makes a point of describing the
sea voyage as dangerous. Granted, it does seem like a bad situation
for a boat. It would be nice if there existed some kind
of other craft. Where Rey's boat floats on water, what about
floating in air? Like a helicopter, or heli-jet, or airspeeder. Or a spaceship. Even a speeder bike will have a hover ceiling
that can ignore most waves. Somehow, heh heh heh, we arrive in the Death
Star ruins. A scene takes place in the Emperor's throne
room. There is a well-placed Dark Side introspection
scene. This idea is great: no other place in the
Endor system is as steeped in the Dark Side of the Force. Palpatine's throne room is exactly where you'd
expect something like the Dagobah cave to happen. On paper, I should love it. "What was never in the original films was
a secret vault room, accessed through his throne room.” “So we take a bit of liberty, sort of 'actually,
it was always there, you just didn't notice it'." There was a reason never to have a door there,
why it cannot have ever been there. Where is the throne room? This is an enormous battle station, so perhaps
the most secure part of the superstructure, down by the main reactor? Or by the south edge of the superlaser dish? That can't be it, the throne room windows
have a view of space in all directions. It is above the surface. If you were to approach the north pole of
the space station, you would not have a Merry Sithmas. A long way off, you'd notice the turbolaser
turrets are more densely clustered. Then a spire, one hundred storeys tall. With the combination of shields, physical
armour, and defensive firepower: THIS is the most secure place anywhere in the Death Star. But
even Disney knew about this, to some extent. There exists concept art showing a fallen
version of the tower, back from their first movie, Disney Wars 7. Somehow, that knowledge was lost over the
trilogy. Why can't there be a flight of stairs leading
outward from the throne room? Because that door would open into hard vacuum. Can't imagine the Emperor would be pleased,
if you told him he was one door malfunction away from suffocating. The way it's depicted in the movie, if you
go through that door, you would end up on the exterior of the tower, walking deeper
into empty space. Okay, but besides that, why can't there be
a secret room up there that we've never seen? Because we already saw the tower, and it doesn't
have any unsightly growths on it. An exterior afterthought room like that is
NOT secret, we're not the only ones who've seen the tower. Hiding it inside the shaft would have to come
out of the armour thickness, and what good is a vault with flimsy walls? Luckily, it's trivial to fix this whole mess. Change the part of the Death Star that crashes
on this moon. Switch the equatorial edge of the dish for
the polar edge! This way the throne room belongs, and you
have a reason to use another bit of concept art: the flooded turbolaser turrets. The secret vault can be brought into line
with Star Wars, without deviating from what they intended. This vault is described as "accessed through
the throne room", and that's all. To hide the vault, it needs to be under the
surface of the Death Star's north pole. To access the vault, use a concealed turbolift
that runs beside the main lift shafts, and only stops at the vault and throne room. There are so very many possibilities here,
for all sorts of water-based spectacular sequences. Should the throne room be flooded? Maybe, maybe not, but the vault definitely
should be. This underwater art looks great, and it's
got metaphorical depth too. Luke Skywalker grew up on a moisture farm. Vaporators condense airborne water from an
expanse of desert air. Tatooine has dune seas, but no oceans of surface
water. The planet Not-Tatooine, I mean Jakku, looks
exactly the same. This means that both Luke and Rey should have
a tremendous reaction, the first time they see an ocean of water. For anything involving sailing or swimming,
the desert-worlders should be fish out of water. You can get so much emotion from that, while
ringing true as a genuine part of these two characters. Maybe JJAbrams didn't want to remind anyone
about Jar-Jar and the gungans, so everything underwater was removed. Shame, there was a lot of potential to this
wreck location. We're getting quite near the end of the movie. It's about time we had another JJ invention. JJ kills Han Solo in the first movie he makes. That happens right next to the mega death
star. Then, JJ brings him back from the dead. After the worst sabre duel since 1977, Kylo
starts daydreaming. He imagines that, if he hadn't killed his
father, they might get on well. This is meant to absolve the character of
his previous actions. Rey goes to sulk on an island, the way Jake
taught her to solve her problems. After this, the real problems in the movie
will start. She is on this island to gain upgrades. We are to believe Leia's lightsabre has been
here all along. And yet, I bet Carrie Fisher never once laid
eyes on this prop. Of all the nonsensical things in this movie,
one is particularly unnecessary. The entire star destroyer fleet launching
is based on a terrible idea. Someone on the project realises something
doesn't seem right about launching such large ships this way. Through rock and atmosphere, when the entire
planet is already both hidden and uncharted. A limitation is put in. Not about star destroyers in atmosphere. No, for some reason Poe tells us that large
ships can't find their way up. Not that these ships are built without repulsorlifts. That would mean you need to raise them individually
on a ferry ship. This is not what they go with. No, Poe declares that in principle, a large
ship may not possess a certain device. On Earth, there is a device called an artificial
horizon. This little machine has one function: it tells
you which way up and down are. Yet Sheev doesn't have any? This isn't just a failure in ship design,
Poe tells us that no ship could possibly tell which way up is. Unless the ship was slightly smaller than
the ones Sheev built. If this is a problem for large ships, why
wouldn't Sheev build smaller ones? Something like a TIE fighter, or a Lambda
shuttle. Anything at all would do. The reason is that nobody thought about this. The "can't tell which way is up" idea was
a desperation move. This finale doesn't work, but the movie needs
it to. It requires a single point of failure for
the fleet. Something our heroes can drop bombs on. It might be possible to fix this "can't find
the way up" issue. That isn't the point, though. This problem exists as a symptom of a deeper
rot. The entire ending is structurally unsound. A fix to this misses the point: the problem
never needed to exist. A better ending to the movie would sidestep
the whole issue. Before we can think about a decent ending,
we have to see what JJ made. It had to be complex and elaborate, with many
twists. That's not how speeders work. This is a reference to the speeder bikes on
Endor. After getting into a bike chase, Luke suggests
jamming. The rebels don't want the scout troopers to
phone home. Leia is told to jam their comlinks. This has nothing to do with jamming speeders,
whatever that is. This line is based on walkie-talkie mechanics. The speeder bikes were not built with a switch
to jam their own repulsors. Luke's technical expertise lets him disrupt
their comms. It works for the same reason you need to say
"over". As long as you hold down the transmit key
on a walkie-talkie, you are jamming. If you capture an enemy comlink, you can tape
down the button. For example, if you have one of their speeder
bikes. There are ways to get around this with Earth
tech, so arguably it shouldn't work. It should be possible to change comlink frequencies. Scout trooper helmets should have their own
radios. Still, it makes sense. Comlink jamming is based on real limitations. Mutating that to "jam their speeders" is a
baffling mistake. It's not the only issue in this part of the
movie. Perhaps jam is meant to replicate tyre countermeasures. The star destroyer has the equivalent of spike
strips on the hull. This is the least interesting way to do that. It would have been better to invent something. The line becomes "sir, they're jumping over
our energy caltrops". A cool new weapon, and one the horses can
evade. There are three distinct problems JJ is grappling
with. Second things first, the Star Destroyers. In a wet navy, destroyers are the smallest
ships worth mentioning, and may not even be classed as capital ships. In a space navy, destroyers are a larger class
of capital ship than frigates. Star Destroyers are built in orbital shipyards,
and if they enter the atmosphere that's the same event as being destroyed, just a minute
or two before the end. I think the source of this confusion is Attack
of the Clones, which shows the ancestors of star destroyers: Acclamator-class troop-transport
and landing ships. Acclamators are equipped with landing gear
and ramps down from their doors, their sole purpose is to deliver clone troopers to a
planet surface. But they aren't dedicated warships, they're
only ancestors to the star destroyer. There are also the Victory-class, which are
much smaller than Imperial-class star destroyers, and as such they can descend below orbit without
being guaranteeably written off. Obviously JJ would never settle for something
smaller than the design of the OT, so that's not what he's going for. With the fleet of a zillion superlaser star
destroyers, versus a squillion assorted freighters, the intention could never be the small ones. If JJ had thought for a second about building
this fleet, it would have had to be in orbit. There, now the fleet is enough to blockade
the whole planet: you don't need the magical compass and the Red Matter. Third, in order to make the zillion ISDs go
away, JJ declares that shields don't work in atmosphere. He is not correct about this. Finally first of all, the intention with the
horses is to show hippies beating robots through nature, or some such thing. This could actually work, surprisingly enough,
because there is exactly one scenario where a cavalry charge makes sense. There is one technology that has a vulnerability
for the horses to exploit, and one place where that can happen. To justify the horses, you: MUST. Have. Shields. In atmosphere. Shields can block energy weapons, and are
a barrier to all repulsorcraft, anything using hover technology. What can pass right through shields? Walkers, wheeled vehicles, infantry, and tracked
vehicles. Anything in contact with the ground can get
through easily, like horses for example. This has been established as the way it works
since Empire Strikes Back, and reiterated in Phantom Menace. But if JJAbrams ever watched those movies,
he did not see. If you look carefully, you may notice how
the horses aren't wearing spacesuits. If the star destroyer had been a little higher
in the air, horsies would pass out. If the whole fleet was in orbit, where it
belonged, there could be no cavalry on deck. Some have suggested rotating the star destroyer. Either pitch or roll could send the horses
skittering off the edge. Let's have a look at how that would work. Artificial gravity ought to leave the crew
unhindered by a roll. One of the challenges with artificial gravity
is distance. So, you want 1G of gravity inside your ship? How deep, exactly, do you think Earth's gravity
well is? The moon orbits hundreds of thousands of kilometres
away. That's a lot of gravity, a long way off. Gravity is gravity. If you have 1G inside the Falcon, logically
it would have an Earth-size gravity well. Even if it makes a vertical column or cone
above the deck area, that's enormous. But maybe that's not how it works in the Star
Wars universe. It certainly doesn't sound right. When we see a fleet of ships, none of them
are careful to avoid these invisible columns of gravity. Again, this is something we can prove. In the very first movie, we see TIE Fighters
attacking the Falcon. One looks like he's about to make an attack
run over the top of the freighter. Another one clearly flies over the top. While I like the idea that the TIE Fighter
is specialised for only space, it's disproven. Flying through the skies of Bespin, in the
Lando system, there are ordinary TIEs. Maybe its repulsorlift system can compensate. But far more likely, artificial gravity does
not leak through the hull. That means if you roll the star destroyer,
the horses will fall off. That would be one way to remove the boarding
party. How are these star destroyers floating? Presumably this model of star destroyer has
heavy-duty repulsorlifts installed. But wouldn't you imagine they're at the bottom? Do you think Jabba's sail barge can float
upside-down? The desert skiffs clearly have repulsors along
the bottom or ends. The sail barge would work the same way. So would Luke's landspeeder. Seems like it might be dangerous, rolling
your repulsors away from the planet. Here's another option. Just have the other star destroyers open fire. These are meant to be warships, right? Surely it has enough armour to withstand a
few dozen hits from its fellow destroyers. If not the heaviest turbolasers, then use
the lighter guns. A light bombardment should clear the ruffians
off the hull. No, definitely not with ion cannons. That would disable the star destroyer, you
want to hit the horses with blaster cannons. Believe it or not, walking around on the surface
of a ship is one of the better ideas. There are problems with it, but it is physically
possible. You could create that improbable scenario,
if you tried. The rest of this ending, well, that gets rather
silly. The only times we see Rey and Kylo fighting,
it is with each other. As we move swiftly toward the conclusion,
Rey and Kylo decide now is the time to not have a fight. Would you believe that they decide to fight
other people instead? I guess that this is one of the downsides
to erasing the Jedi order at the beginning of your trilogy. If you want a lightsabre fight, it has to
be between the only two people with lightsabres. Because Kylo is a goodie now, that is right
out. This entire fiasco is an excuse to employ
Disney’s teleportation magic. This time it isn’t for pathfinding. It is for drama. Let’s return to Kylo, and let this play
out. Now, Kylo crosses the border into the planet
Mexico. He was flying a TIE Fighter, so clearly faster
than an X-Wing. Rey was flying Luke's old T-65, and that TIE
might be equally old. What effect does this have? There's still no sign of a TIE pilot's suit. Using a fighter that's several decades out
of date has no impact on them. Not so much as a line about taking the shortest
flight path. Having discarded his sabre, he is unarmed. Except no, not really. He has a blaster pistol of some kind. If we can forgive him finding a TIE Fighter,
the blaster must be from the same place. I could imagine a pistol or carbine stashed
inside a standard TIE. It's okay for him to have this. Then, for no reason at all, his only weapon
vanishes between scenes. Blasters take two ammunition types. To actually deal damage, energy is stored
in power cells. For the blaster to function, it also uses
a small amount of tibanna gas per shot. It would be fine to say the pistol has run
out of either ammo type: it needs both. Perhaps a Matrix reference, with Kylo carrying
many blasters and dropping the expended ones instead of reloading. Or, he could fire a bunch of shots before
expending the last of his supplies. In JJ's movie, Kylo does not drop the weapon
after it clicks empty. There's no shot of him discarding it. He doesn't even throw it at an enemy. These fellows appear. The Knights of Ren. These are like Vader's bounty hunters, if
they were all in the same uniform. These guys are copycats, imitating a guy who
wishes he was as cool as Vader. Not exactly interesting, are they? Being mysterious is not as impressive as these
chaps think. It would be reasonable to drop your blaster
when your enemy is a Jedi. What're the chances that you'll get a shot
past that sabre? However, there's no indication in the movie
that they're Force-sensitive. They also don't have lightsabres, or much
armour. They'll just be wearing armourweave. The weapons are even worse. These appear to just be clubs and blades. One of them glows red in the dark. There's no indication any of them can stand
up to a lightsabre, if only Kylo still had one. There aren't any Jedi for the knights to hunt. That's a foundational principle of the reboot
universe, no Jedi. Seems like a rather bad idea to throw it away,
wouldn't you say? Really, he should have been able to take out
two of them with his blaster. After the first one is down, he can telegrab
that guy's weapon. A gaffi stick is better than nothing. Speaking of Tusken Raiders, they're a good
point of comparison. Their gaffi sticks use simple metal blades. In contrast, Gamorean guards use vibro-axes. The vibroblade is somewhere between chainsword
and power sword. The axes are made to look like classic weapons,
but are far more deadly. These Knights of Ren? I think that's just a lump of metal. JJ thinks it looks cool. Kylo fights Ren. Kylo loses. Not sure why he was having so much trouble. It's not like he Force uploaded his skills
to them as well. When he gets a Force Skype call, it gets even
worse. Being teleported a lightsabre, he is pleased. Kylo does a little curtsey. Then he attacks with the sabre. After a round or two of combat, Kylo deploys
his special move. So far, he has been a little heavy on the
twirling. Besides that, he's actually decent with a
sabre. Maybe the problem is with Rey's actress rather
than the choreography. Anyway, Kylo uses an ancient technique he
has picked up in his extensive training. Kylo twirls the sabre behind him. Then he bends down. Kylo crouches, and Ren winds up for a heavy
axe strike. Then the combat round ends. It is Ren's turn again, so he makes the attack
he prepared for earlier. For some reason, this connects with the sabre. Ren must have seen the guard position Kylo
has been waiting in. Why does he aim for the sabre? Kylo's guard doesn't actually protect much
of him. His hand is level with his ribcage, the sabre
blade doesn't start until his shoulderblades. More than half his torso is open for attack,
not to mention the arm itself. This is a strange moment in a strange movie,
but it gets stranger. Maybe this is a move that he's practiced with
these Rennites, and they know exactly where to swing. He's never in danger because these chaps are
such good friends. After the obliging buddy swings at his blade,
Kylo puffs out his cheeks. This isn't an accident. It's not as if this was the only take, so
they had to leave it in. Most likely, someone told him to do this. Maybe this was in the script, or it was decided
while filming. If this wasn't supposed to be in there, someone
would have noticed during editing. I hope this choice had the desired effect
on someone. Because I don't get it. Is he supposed to be a little puffed, out
of breath? I don't think we've ever seen a Jedi do this
in combat, it's a Disney first. To me, this does not effectively convey fatigue
from fighting in a new way. With a new Force alignment, he has no Dark
Side energy to sustain him. That doesn't come across at all. Maybe it's to make us think that one strike
was particularly heavy. If that were the case, maybe his wrist is
sore from the force being concentrated on it. Nope, we don't see that. Was this a dangerous move that Kylo regrets? Did he just realise if the axe had hit harder,
it might've moved his sabre blade? He certainly moves it away again afterwards. Again, though, I don't see any evidence that
this is the case. It isn't treated as a particularly heavy strike. There's no sense that this one attack needs
to be blocked in a different way. It's a bizarre choice from any perspective. Speaking of odd choices, Kylo gets one last
moment of comedy. Apparently, our man Sheev was rather upset
about his own death. I can see why he might hold a grudge. I think we all know why this line really exists,
though. It's a reference. This whole movie, nay, this reboot universe,
is based on references. Copying the shape of what went before. There are ships that look like TIEs, and ones
that look like X-Wings. There are mimics for stormtroopers and star
destroyers. The most clever technique Disney has is a
reference. Copying something, to make you remember better
movies. Well, I remember. I was there, when these better movies were
all that existed. Kylo joins Rey, now with an appropriately
coloured lightsabre. The pair draw their swords and face him. Are they planning to fight Sheev? Sheev doesn’t have a lightsabre. That can’t be what is happening. This ending is no good. It isn't nearly close to good. It has few of its own ideas, and those are
some of the worst aspects. Finally, the designated hero enters the boss
arena. How does the Space Pope greet the one who
came to kill him? Clearly, this is not true. Disney's Palpatine survived the explosion
of the Death Star 2. He flew across the galaxy without a ship or
suit. He only lost a few fingertips in that whole
process. Zombie Palpo pops up in this movie for the
first time, so let's call him Sheev. The real one can just be Palpatine. Sheev has given one command. To kill someone he doesn't want dead. Now, I'm not convinced this edgy teenager
has the power level to defeat a Mary-Sue. One could argue that the skeleton king has
read Kylo's mind. Sheev knows that the kid won't be able to
cause any harm to her. Because Kylo is just that incompetent. He knows the kid will try to kill Rey, fail,
and betray him. They will seek out the lich Emperor Sheev,
and this is his plan too. When the two try to kill Sheev, they're forced
to visit him. This does not sound like a master plan. In the original trilogy, this is not how Emperor
Palpatine behaves. In his first appearance, he is concerned. There is a threat to Imperial power. In the attempt to gain a mighty ally, the
Emperor calls off the execution. This turns out to be a bad idea, as Luke evades
capture. Then in the next movie, the Emperor reveals
his scheme. With the Skywalker relation revealed, he has
foreseen the outcome. At some point, Luke would confront his father. Luke doesn't want to talk to the Emperor. Luke wants to redeem his father, and blow
up another Death Star. His skills are not best applied by jumping
in an X-Wing and firing torpedoes. He is more use aboard shuttle Tyderium, to
handle the shield. Vader is the bait, and an essential part of
the plan. Palpatine knows that he can win against the
young Jedi. He is not strong enough to ensnare Luke long
enough to turn him. For that, Vader is needed. The Emperor addresses him as "my friend" and
"Lord Vader". This alludes to the decades of history these
characters have. By treating Vader with respect, every character
is enhanced. How great and terrible is Lord Vader? His master must be more powerful than that. When Luke enters the equation, he must also
be mighty. The two most powerful people in the universe
fear meeting him one-on-one. Almost none of this is present in JJ's movie. Rey has no real desire to see the Emperor,
like Luke. In the OT, he wants Luke alive, so he orders
him brought to the throne room. In JJ's movie, he wants Rey in the throne
room, so he orders her execution. Vader is a loyal, capable, servant carrying
out those orders. Kylo is both incompetent and a serial traitor. Really, there needed to be a new apprentice
Sith. Doesn't need to be anything special, it can
be like Darth Maul. He mostly just stands there and looks mean. But even though he dies the second time he
crosses blades with a Jedi, he is a capable warrior. That can't be Kylo, it's too late for that
to be credible. The plan in the OT is to attempt to turn Luke
to the Dark Side. If that fails, then the Sith intend to kill
him. The Emperor doesn't mind if Vader dies, and
one Skywalker is replaced with another. The one thing Palpatine doesn't want is for
any harm to come to himself. With his frail appearance and walking stick,
the Emperor seems defenceless. In fact, he has two layers of defences. The first is clear: Luke attacks, and Vader
blocks. The loyal servant protects his master. We in the audience also know about Force lightning. If he was in real danger, the Emperor could
blast Luke across the room. JJ's plan is confusing. Why is it that Disney loves suicide so much? First it was Jake Skywalker, now Sheev Palpatine. A curious pattern. I think JJ fixated on the line "strike me
down with all of your hatred". From this, he spins his various mistakes. They focus on trying to find a loophole. JJ thinks the Emperor had the right idea. JJ believes you defeat an evil politician
by hitting him with a sword. The only problem is how George Lucas ruined
Star Wars with this Force stuff. Apparently smiting your enemies is evil, so
we need to game the system. What if you strike without hatred? Maybe the way the Force works, it's got a
loophole. As long as you stab in a pious manner, it
doesn't count as the Dark Side. Feel free to go berserk, just do it with good
intentions. JJ is vaguely aware the Jedi are associated
with peace and justice. He just can't work that into a story. Accordingly, he tries to minimise the impact. JJ turns to ancient computer games to study
the design of boss fights. He discovers a popular approach is reflecting
the boss's attacks back into it. Perfect, JJ says to himself, having filled
his research quota for the decade. Rey won't strike, she'll parry the attack
and hit Sheev's weak point. He doesn't have any giant glowing eyeballs,
the sneaky so-and-so. Maybe the robot arm he's attached to has a
thermal exhaust port. The important thing is that Rey makes no kind
of aggressive gesture, no attack. Oh. Well, that pulse of lightning she sent in
his direction was, like, penitent lightning. Now, we do have to deal with a different aspect
of the fight. Specifically, the reincarnation. Turns out the "strike me down" line is older
than the Emperor. First, Obi-Wan gives a warning that he knows
will be ignored. He alludes to his Force Ghost form, which
is displayed moments later. Okay, it's not displayed, because you don't
see him until Episode 5. Luke acts on advice from the late Kenobi twice. First, his robes have barely fallen to the
floor before he deals timely advice. "Fly, you fools!" Later, his guidance is responsible for Luke's
accuracy in the trench run. The prequels add more lore regarding Force
ghosts, but it's not necessary to discuss that yet. Force ghosts have always been a Light Side
ability. Based on "than you can possibly imagine",
Palpatine cannot become one. Yet as soon as Anakin was salvaged from within
Vader, he became a ghost. I suggest that's not because it's a lost art. Force ghosts are incompatible with being committed
to the Dark Side. Whatever immortality they have, it must be
inferior. Even if only in our eyes. If a Sith Lord needed one hundred Force-sensitive
sacrifices per day, he might be content. Some of us would consider that a trifle monstrous. As being lesser than a Force ghost. But you can understand why the guy doing it
might not see things your way. Back to JJ's movie. Sheev has come up with Sith reincarnation. Despite making no real effort to turn her,
Sheev asks her to help him. Some coercion is applied, but I really think
JJ would've forgotten this. Except that it was in Episode 6, so it was
copied into this movie. Would Sheev be happy with possessing Rey? Yes, he would. In the EU, Palpatine has many clones. At one point he even threatens to possess
Leia's unborn child. However, this isn't truly about what Sheev
wants. It's about what JJ wants. Both JJ and RJ decided the galaxy had no Jedi
in it. On the surface, this is part of a reset of
the status quo. At the start of the original movie, the Jedi
are all but extinct. Therefore, that's the situation of the reboot
trilogy. There's more to say on that, but it belongs
to the movies in question. For now, it'll be close enough. There are consequences to that decision. In the prequels, there was an entire Jedi
temple. Fans can recite the names of every member
of the Jedi council. We can identify them with nothing more than
a good look at their lightsabre hilts. Disney has none of them. The trilogy could have had only two lightsabres
ever, but they added a few more. Three more sabres were shown, doubling the
total number. Sure, you can make an action figure for that
one time the stormtrooper held the graflex. But there aren't any cool new Jedi. There aren't any Jedi apprentices. They don't even have a green sabre, except
for the flashback to Jake the Ripper. That seems suboptimal to me, but I wasn't
consulted. I'm just here to examine what they called
a finished product. To compensate for the lack of Jedi, Disney
decided to invoke their names. That will fix everything. Praise be to Kathleen. First, they put a foreshadowing scene right
at the start. Then, they take a list of previous actors
and start negotiating. How much for five minutes of your time? We're looking to pay you voice acting rates
instead of acting ones. This also solves another problem. I believe the initial reboot was based on
anti-prequel sentiment. Disney believed that they needed to make up
for the prequels. The "wider audience" must be put off by the
depth of the lore. Given that everyone hates the prequels, Disney
should ignore them. Except a lot of people like the prequel era,
so the official position is they remain in the reboot. The movies have intentionally avoided prequel
things, so far. Now, at the very end, they make all the references
at once. With only one Force-sensitive left in the
galaxy, Rey must represent all the Jedi. Now both of JJ's factions use reincarnation,
just different variants of it. This isn't really part of the world at all,
which is a shame. A seance is the only thing we've ever seen
the Mary-Sue improve at. At 4 hours, a thing she can't do is invented. Then at 6 hours she does the thing. Trouble is, I don't buy this as a real power
for either of them. For one thing, "if you strike me down now"
is a Light Side line. It's out of character for the Emperor to willingly
take a wound like this. On the opposite side, I don't believe in Force
Hearing. Force Healing, to an extent, but not hearing. It isn't your decision when a Force ghost
chooses to speak. They aren't constantly muttering. To explain why she would need effort, that's
not to boost her signal reception. Force ghosts are Light-aligned. Imagine if there was any risk of Rey turning
to the Dark Side of the Force. The Force ghosts might be trying to contact
her, but she is too far gone. Their voices cannot reach that far down the
dark path. Not far enough to reach Rey. The only ones who can help Rey would be herself,
and Kylo. All the meditating and training she's doing
are attempts to outweigh the evil she's already done. Speaking of Evil Rey, we're discussing the
boss fight. In JJ's movie, she kills the guy who has mysteriously
returned. The Emperor fell down a shaft, exploded, and
then the station blew up. Rey uses her evil powers to shred his face,
but that's only torture. It makes her feel better, but doesn't help. How can you kill a god? Death is a minor inconvenience to Disney's
Sheev. He has died before. What benefit is there to destroying his cloned
body? He can just get a new one, y'know, somehow. No matter if it's by sabre or lightning, Rey
can't credibly kill him. If she had been trained in the Dark Side,
that would be fine. I could imagine a Sith technique to cause
Final Death to your foes. But as we all know, Rey has done no significant
training in anything. I don't think it makes sense for Rey to confront
Sheev. At most, you could say she has been manipulated. Sheev knows that the only bit of character
the Mary-Sue has is her orphan status. Rey would like some parents, and if she's
a secret princess, then all the better. Naturally, Sheev exploits this. But the original is better than the copy. Luke was there to redeem his father. Rey doesn't have that motivation. She wants to kill Sheev because that's like
Star Wars. If the Skywalkers fought the Emperor, she'll
imitate them. I don't think this makes sense. No, there's no reason to visit Sheev's throne
room. The best option is to handle the movie's finale
differently. Remember, in the reboot universe, they can
communicate via Force Skype. Rey, Kylo, and Sheev can all join a group
call. They could be scattered across the whole galaxy,
and talk as if they were in the same room. With the attachment teleport feature, they
can pass sabres around. Honestly, I don't know why they bothered to
meet in person. One option is consistent with the universe
JJ and RJ have established. The other is a copy of how the original trilogy
ended. I suppose that gives us the answer. Duplicating the OT for nostalgia is more important
to them. Still, with how many objects are teleported,
it's confusing. Most of the movie uses Force Skype, except
at the end that power is forgotten. I think the movie should end differently. Here's what we do. Remember how JJ blew up a planet earlier? I know, it's not very memorable, but he did. The 16-hour countdown has not been honoured. A planet was destroyed earlier than Sheev
promised. This is a strange thing to happen, and you
could say it's because of the director. JJ just loves to destroy planets, and it's
been a whole movie since his last one. He sends a death star destroyer out alone. This is not sound military strategy. One Imperial star destroyer is enough to intimidate
a planet. One Disney star destroyer, that's a sitting
duck. A Donald Duck. A bunch of non-military craft are able to
destroy an absurdly large fleet. What chance would a lone ship have against
such opposition? Here's what we do. Sheev sends a ship to destroy the planet of
Kombucha. Maybe it was under the command of Kylo, maybe
not. Either way, destroying the planet wasn't planned. Sheev was scrambling to get rid of Rey, and
heard she was on that world. His original plan was to wait for the 16 hours. This will be Sheev's undoing. Blowing up the planet Kimochi galvanises an
indifferent galaxy. Suddenly there are a lot of angry people,
who have a will to stand up to Sheev. This sacrifices one of JJ's surprises. He wants these people to come out of nowhere. If you see the galactic populace fighting
back on a small scale, you'll expect it. How can JJ subvert your expectations, when
you can figure out what's going on? The rebel alliance, wait, no. This is the reboot. They renamed their duplicate factions. The Resistance has a plan. A curious pattern of ships is gathered. Some freighters, shuttles, starfighters, and
a carrier. These are packed to the gills with armed volunteers. The carrier drops out of hyperspace next to
the death star destroyer. All the X-Wings that jumped with the carrier
break off to engage. The carrier sets a collision course. Sublight engine throttles to full thrust. Every ion cannon the Resistance has is brought
to bear. The convenient thing about ion cannons is
that they penetrate shields, and don't cause physical damage. The Resistance has modified many of these
ion cannons. Their firing cycle is set well into overdrive. Not one of them can run for ten shots without
a component burning out. But when they break, they are very easy to
fix. There are piles of spare parts in lockers
next to each cannon. Under this covering fire, all the shuttles
are launched. The star destroyer is partially disabled,
and is being boarded. Each shuttle and freighter docks inside the
hangar of the star destroyer. After a minute it turns back to the carrier,
ready to bring over more volunteer troops. Sheev made a critical error, and now his ship
has been captured. This changes the finale of the movie. Now this captured star destroyer, renamed
Briar Patch, leads the Resistance fleet. They venture forward into the Unknown Regions,
with Rey on the bridge. There is no need for a mysterious red cloud,
so that isn't a factor. The fleet arrives in orbit of the planet Mexico. Rey rings up Sheev. He pretends to be busy, but accepts the call
after a few seconds. Our hero hurls threats and insults at the
politician. From the background, Mr Poe makes a few comments
about Sheev's mother. It's all very inspiring. Sheev is pleading for his life, making promises. "Oh no, please don't fire your Briar Patch
cannon at me.” “Anything but that.” “I am defenceless, my fleet is still being
built underground.” “Spare me, and you can be co-Emperor of
the galaxy." Rey stands at the controls of the main superlaser
cannon. She aims at the only ship in orbit around
Mexico. There is a First Order star destroyer, left
by Kylo to guard Sheev. Our heroes have a brief discussion, and decide
it's too dangerous to let Sheev live. It's a shame that the planet Mexico is full
of Mexicans, but sacrifices have to be made. Besides, the crews for these star destroyers
must come from somewhere. This is a Sith planet, it's heroic to destroy
this one. Sheev smiles. Maybe he didn't make such a mistake after
all. Deep inside a hidden compartment, there is
a Sith relic. It works something like a power cell for Force
energy. Creating the clone body for Sheev had nearly
drained it. Its name is the maledictocron. Finn has discovered this aboard the captured
star destroyer. He sprints onto the bridge, out of breath. He tries to warn them of an evil thing he
saw. This is Finn we're talking about, the funny
comic relief man. Nobody takes him seriously. Rey yanks back the firing lever. The enemy star destroyer vanishes in an instant,
and Rey smirks. She has never felt so good. This is what real power looks like. "You're next, Sheev!", she yells over Force
Skype. Finn still fails to get her attention. The superlaser will recharge in a few minutes,
and she wants to be there. Only C-3PO has any interest, and it's clear
he wanted the excuse to leave the bridge. Look at the cowardly tin man, laugh at him. When Finn first found the device, it was inactive. Now the Maledictocron has glowing red runes
all over it. A progress bar is slightly filled, and Finn
feels uneasy. Threepio has turned around and is shuffling
back to the bridge at top speed. He keeps babbling about how there's something
he mustn't tell Rey at once. Finn follows Threepio back. He asks questions. Threepio only answers that he isn't allowed
to describe the device. He is forbidden, he says, from revealing what
that accursed machine does with the life force of the dead. Finn has heard enough, and picks up Threepio. Carrying him like a battering ram, the ex-stormtrooper
sprints to the bridge. When they arrive, Threepio declares that Rey
should not destroy the planet. He refuses to elaborate. Rey scoffs, and Finn thinks for a moment he
can see a dark red aura around her. "There's a fiendish thingy doing evil glowy
stuff", he says, eloquently. Seeing Rey is not convinced, Finn continues. "It wasn't glowing until you wiped out that
star destroyer.” “It feeds on your anger, and on everyone
you kill." Since Rey never hung up the Force Skype call,
Sheev overhears. Now he unveils his true plan. The size of his invasion fleet is no accident. The crew of those ships are all walking sacrifices. If his fleet is destroyed, their deaths will
charge the Sith device. If the planet Mexico is destroyed, the Maledictocron
will charge that way. If the Resistance is destroyed, even better. Either way, Sheev wins. Rey is furious. Sheev is doubled over with laughter, his plan
is flawless. There is no possible outcome where the opposing
force defeats him. Then, at the darkest minute of the darkest
hour, a memory breaks in. Something reminds Rey of an old mentor. This is a difficult position for Rey. She can't see any way to win. Whenever JJ sets an obstacle for her, he grants
her strength. The reason she faces obstacles is so we can
watch how effortlessly she defeats them. Not this time. Somehow, Sheev has turned her power against
her. He has created a situation where it doesn't
matter how mighty she is. Sheev now counts on her talent for mayhem. He knows she can kill countless numbers of
his minions. Except Sheev bothered to count them anyway. If Rey has any amount of success, the Maladictocron
will corrupt her. Unlike the Skywalkers, the scavenger girl
has no Jedi training. By unleashing so much dark energy, she will
instinctively absorb it. There is no need for reincarnation, she will
walk the dark path willingly. It is unavoidable. The harder she struggles, the more she will
draw upon a dark strength. Rey gets a hold of herself. Recites an off-brand Litany Against Fear or
something. With her fist still on the superlaser trigger,
Rey meditates. She is completely directionless. As far as she can see, there is no way to
achieve victory. She calls out through the Force, for guidance. Two voices answer. The first is Leia. She just died earlier in this movie, it's
timely. She says one line Disney had footage of Carrie
saying. It doesn't make much sense in context, but
we don't care. We know Leia would try to help if she was
able to. She is never heard from again. Almost as quickly, Leia's father's voice follows. The voice of Anakin Skywalker is confident. Convincing. He gives her loving advice that makes perfect
sense. Only… for most of his life, he was Darth
Vader. Doesn't that voice sound a lot like Vader? In fact, this voice is Sheev. Now she doesn't even know who to trust. The next voice is Yoda. He is nowhere near as helpful as Sheev Vader
was. Yoda keeps saying things like "at peace, calm,
passive". Rey indignantly points out that they're at
war. Yoda replies "wars not make one great". "Already know you, that which you require." Then he, too, is gone. Mace L Windu says that you can't trust anyone. Betrayal can come from the most unexpected
people. Has a bit of a grudge against Anakin. Says she probably shouldn't trust the voices
in her head. Or the villain, come to think of it, don't
trust him either. Ahsoka Tico suggests thinking of your enemies
as droids. She recites her iconic line from the show:
"golly, I sure do love killing droids!" Obi-Wan Kenobi chimes in now. "Hello there", he says. "That's not very helpful", Rey replies. Obi-Wan apologises, he says the recording
studio staff insisted on that line. He continues on to say that Sheev is a politician,
and you can't trust any of those. "You can't win, but there are alternatives
to fighting." Finally, Luke offers a ghostly pat on the
head. "You're all right, kid", he says. "You know what you doing, move zig." He advises her to think outside the box. Rey feels enlightened. When she snaps back to reality, she looks
down at her hand. The trigger of the superlaser is firmly in
the off position. Rey smiles, but not the grim snarl of before. She reaches underneath the control panel and
disconnects the trigger lever. When she turns back to the bridge, a new hologram
is talking. Somehow, Holdo returned. She is monitoring the progress bar on the
Maladictocron. It has just reached 20% of full strength. Rey serenely answers that it doesn't matter. Sheev will not triumph today. Rey walks across the bridge to the comms station. Somehow, Uhura is here. The first casualties are being reported now. Rey asks to address the entire Resistance
fleet. Bravely, she orders a full retreat. Sheev will not get his sacrifices today. The planet Mexico will not be annihilated. That's how the final confrontation ends. Our heroes leave the villain, confident that
he can be defeated in time. There is no need for a grand army, if every
light freighter is a warship. Together, the citizens of the galaxy can hold
off any invasion fleet. All it requires is for every ship to carry
arms and armour. This is an unexpected ending. One might even call it a subversion, with
all that word implies. It's a strange kind of hopeful, and most importantly
it creates an interesting era afterward. As it is, nobody wants to tell stories after
JJ and TLJ. If you leave Sheev, then stormtroopers and
star destroyers can attack. You can have all the Imperial war machines
you like, and even have the scheming mastermind behind them. This is kind of what JJ wanted to set up:
Emperor, stormtroopers, ISDs, TIEs. All sorts of stories would now be possible. It could even lead into a whole new trilogy. Try a new set of heroes, a trilogy with any
planning. You can just skip 80 years and imply Rey finally
got some training. A lot of things are possible, if you apply
the slightest bit of creativity. This part is the most baffling of all. I could understand all the other failures
of planning. Writing a disjointed trilogy, with nobody
around as a Star Wars expert. I was sure the company would have certain
priorities. That after their movies were over, it would
be in a certain condition. One where all stories are possible, somehow. The most important would be the population
of Jedi. In order to constantly pull new characters
from nowhere, Jedi would be plentiful. In order to set them up with predetermined
traits, there would be many temples. Each one has a different philosophy, and a
few distinctive mannerisms. Maybe these guys only use pink lightsabre
blades. New temples and factions would be released
every year or few. The other most important thing is finding
a bottomless source of bad guys. Part of this can be handled by making Force-sensitives
more common, so more slip by. Some become above average at whatever they
do all day. Others turn to the dark side and get red lightsabres. These are the things I expected. All the movies would be driving toward this
particular setting, no matter the cost to the trilogy itself. The sheer possibility of the time after, that
would be more important to Disney. I was wrong. Just because I care about the setting, doesn't
mean they do. I doubt they ever looked at it like this. Perhaps they took for granted that a new bad
guy can always appear. I would have set this trilogy after the majority
of the old lore had finished. To have an era all of their own, where no-one
has written before. A blank slate, except with some useful presets. A pool of characters to draw from, to make
it easier for future writers. It would be sensible to add some other factions. One can be a mini-Empire, that would use TIEs
even if they were obsolete. They will make a dozen types of star destroyer
before ever considering another shape. Other factions would have to include droids,
and probably some insects or lizards. If they have blood in an unusual colour, that's
even more family-friendly. Might as well add a bunch of people who wish
they were Mandalorians, too. All their armour looks like Fett's, because
they're copying it. These are the things I expected. Not a focus on specific new characters, but
planning for the next thousand ones. Maybe even charting out all the future plot
twists, so your writers can safely jump a decade or two into the future. I still wouldn't like it, but I would've understood
why they made those choices. That just about wraps up this lore debugging
session. But please stick around until the end. I once heard an anecdote. December 14th, 1972. Eugene Cernan takes a few steps and wipes
some dust from his shoulders. He is about to return home from work. It's going to be a long bus ride home. And, as we leave the Moon at Taurus- Littrow,
we leave as we came and, God willing, as we shall return, with peace and hope for all
mankind. He re-enters the Apollo Lunar Module. Mr Cernan is the last to climb aboard. We did not return. Cernan died in 2017. As he lay on his death bed, he did so as the
last man to have walked on the moon. Of the 12 men who ever achieved such a feat,
four still live. The youngest are 87 years old. In a few years, no living human will be able
to claim to have walked on another world. An ineffable tragedy. The last good Star Wars movie came out in
2005. If you were born after then, you were born
into a world that has yet to produce a good Star Wars movie. This may be a greater tragedy. For very different reasons. While our proximity to Earth is a tragedy
of passivity, the Star Wars tragedy is one of activity. Our species is demonstrably capable of great
feats of exploration in both distance and imagination. Feats of great distance require entire civilizations
to work towards a common goal. Feats of great imagination can be achieved
by anyone. What does it say that the sequel trilogy was
so punishingly bad? Everything. The system has broken. The gears have come loose and are careening
through our cultural landscape. However, I don't think there is much of a
chance that those alive today will leave the galaxy far, far away to rot. Those born into the Disney era: that is another
story. Disney's unholy empire controls the vast majority
of media. A horrible threshold approaches. At what point does the Star Wars IP become
so tainted that the next generation no longer cares enough to investigate its rich history? Feats of great distance first require feats
of great imagination. We watched a video recently. An internet, YouTubey man was attempting to
defend Disney's decision to de-canonize the Expanded Universe. "I am not a fan of the Disney stuff," he assured
us. "But it would be so very difficult to write
without contradicting some forgotten, silly comic from the 80s." Some colonial nobody once said: Why climb the highest mountain? Why, 35 years ago, fly the atlantic? We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade,
and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That goal will serve to organise and measure
the best of our energies and skills. I don't remember who that man is. I don't reckon it is worth making the effort
to factor in who he is. I just like the look of him and how his words
feel. They kind of fit into this script, right? Maybe they make you feel something? Either way, I know a lot of people will feel
something. That is why I resurrected the nobody man for
this video. His name is Kant B. Arsed. He was some pig farmer from Indonesia. He's a V-Tuber in his spare time. Now buy a ticket to my show or fuck off, pay
pig. You may have a problem with this analogy. "That's history, Breadlosers!” “Of course getting history right matters!" Does it? Why? Because it is important to have an accurate,
cultural record? So we can move forward collectively and learn
from the past? Because the ideology of the person doing the
fixing will infuse the changes? "Obviously," you say. "It's very different!" Lore IS history. You can't unpublish something. You generally shouldn't unpublish something. Most people know that burning a book is bad. Tearing a couple of pages out, adding in a
new page, scribbling a few willies in it - that is totally fine. Maybe you like the new ripped up, post-it
note and willied up book better because you think that dude looks better with a willy
on his cheek. You like the new page with the Joss Whedon
cameo. Cool. What you should have done is written your
own book. A literary universe is a really neat end product. But it is also a constraint. To add to the canon of a universe is to shoulder
the burden of integration. It is an all or nothing affair. You are either writing around an existing
universe, or you are writing a new one. Marvel does some alt-timeline buggery when
they can't be arsed writing with maximum constraints. This is still a new universe and is a respectable
course of action. It is stated to not affect primary continuity. I can almost hear your thoughts. You're thinking: "but an author has a right
to change their work." Sure, you can make that argument. But apply that silly reasoning to history
book authors, too. Culture is history. I get that it doesn't feel like that while
you're living in the middle of any given period in history, but it's the truth. For history books, a new edition may be released. The old edition is preserved and is essential
and valuable in its own right, if only as a history of history itself. Older editions are archived with great care,
as they still have enormous cultural and informational value. They may even stay in print. Not so in fiction. George Lucas created the Special Editions
of the OT. The last time the Theatrical Versions were
available for purchase was 2006. Limited Run. You had to buy the Special Editions to get
them. Obtaining a decent-condition copy of this
release is becoming increasingly difficult. As far as we are aware, you can’t stream
them anywhere. Legally. Let’s compare this state of affairs with
Ridley Scott’s 1979 alien movie, Alien. When the Quadrilogy was conceptualised, Scott
was asked to make a Director’s Cut version of his movie. All the other Alien movies had DC variants. Scott was happy with Alien and didn’t want
to make any changes. Instead, he faffed about with various editing
techniques. Why? The studio insisted on having a DC for each
movie. The DC of Alien is famously confusing, because
people aren’t sure how or why it is edited differently. You can still buy both versions brand new. DCs aren’t meant to replace the Theatrical
Cut. In most cases, they are just braindead cash-grabs. The Special Editions were not meant to be
Director’s Cuts. They are meant to be substitutions for the
historical versions. But I’m no sleeper agent, and I’m not
trying to shove anything down your throat. The Star Wars OT is part of our history. The prequels are part of our history. The EU is part of our history. The work of the creators is as worthy of preservation
as any other part of history, even if the creators doubt that themselves. Maintaining the Star Wars continuity is a
highly worthy pursuit in its own right. Hundreds of people have made their best effort
to write within the constraints of established canon. The burden of canon is on subsequent works,
always. That is what you signed up for when you agreed
to work within the universe. If a contradiction arises, the earlier conflicting
point wins out. It must: for that is what a literary universe
is: fiction, that builds upon and is constrained by, other fiction. All feats of great distance began with feats
of great imagination. It’s important to make sure that we take
care of one of the greatest feats of imagination our world has ever known. Until the Disney empire crumbles to ash, The
Bread Circus will be here. Doing The Bread Circus things The Bread Circus
way. That’s it. The video is over. We hope you enjoyed it. Hmm. You are still here? Why are you still here? I’m afraid we’ll be deviating
a bit from standard analysis procedures today, Gordon. Yes, but with good reason. This is a rare opportunity for us. This is the purest sample we’ve seen yet. And potentially the most unstable! You just spent the entire duration of Return
of the Jedi watching this video about how broken Disney Wars 9 is. Oh, if you follow standard insertion
procedures, everything will be fine. I don’t know how you can say
that. Although I will admit that the possibility
of a resonance cascade scenario is extremely unlikely, I remain uncomfortable with the.. Gordon doesn’t need to hear this. He’s a highly trained professional. We have assured the Administrator that nothing
will go wrong. Ah yes, you’re right. Gordon, we have complete confidence in you. Well, go ahead. Let’s let him in now. Are you expecting some kind of post-credits
Marvel thing to happen? Disney owns Marvel now? When did that happen? In Aliens 4, Walmart buys Weyland-Yutani. That was meant to be satire, not a blueprint. Testing. Everything seems to be in order. All right, Gordon, your suit
should keep you comfortable through all this. The specimen will be delivered to you in a
few moments. If you would be so good as to climb up and
start the rotors, we can bring the anti mass spectrometer to eighty percent and hold it
there until the carrier arrives. Gordon, are you not hearing me? Climb up and start the rotors, please. Are you not hearing me? Climb up and start the rotors, please. What is he doing in there? What are you doing in there? Get him out of there! Shut down the equipment and someone get him
out! Shutting down. (beat) Attempting shut-down. It’s not.. it’s not shutting down. It’s not. Oh, nooo! Something horrible has been unleashed upon
the world! Something truly awful and bad! It’s… it’s…. Our Patreon supporters. Stay awhile and listen. Das_LOLtraktor uses a TF2 avatar. Konk, a Discord moderator. The Last Survivor of the 423rd Royal BattleMech
Division, who tried out 422 times before they accepted
him. And Zafrex, whose name sounds like a pill
you would take to calm down while scrolling your Twitter timeline. Nice guy, honestly.
