The pain of finding out my husband has another wife in America, says he married her for papers | LNN

when the babies were born when I was in hospital so when it was time to pay bills he disappeared like he was not there for like three weeks so the mom cleared the bills from hospital and then and then all of a sudden he just appeared the cousin called me and told me by the way there's something I had I heard that uh Joe had a wedding with a black American I was like when he said it has to be when the children were around months and the pressure only of acting marriage and now people are shocked even my close friend was shocked so you mean you are not even engaged you're not even married you know they are now really getting shocked and many know you by his name and now many know me by his name Divina Joseph [Music] hello and a warm welcome to LNS my name is LIN Gogi now I don't know what's more saddening loving someone or being lied to by the person that you love most my guest today I was always waiting for her husband to come back home from America only to find out that he had already married and moved on you have not you have always has seen her in our social media platforms and most of the time we had no idea what he was going through she is about to let us in on her story and the couple of lessons that we are about to pick from that but before I let her introduce herself my people you know I gotta say thank you so much to Elegance fashion for always coming through with this outfit see Mariah I like just repeating a couple of hits that I love so if you are able to get an outfit or two please go check them out and now without further Ado please allow me to let my guest today introduce herself good morning good morning Lynn how are you I am good I'm good too yes so my name is Divina yangarisa a mother of five an online Swahili teacher yes yes Divina before we go any further thank you for being so strong thank you too I know it's been months it's been long and today we finally get to sit here and people know you as this mom with these amazing kids who is so strong a go-getter but deep down you've been breaking and not many people knew so thank you for being so brave thank you and wanting to share this part of your story but before we go deeper into the story why did you want to share it in the first place um I wanted to share so that it's like a lot I'm carrying you know it's like living something that is not true many people not just Kenyans but the world they were praying for him yeah because I knew that is what he made me uh believe that he had gone through a heart surgery and we were sick for the since the babies were born so it's good that we thank you for the prayers yes yeah it's good they know that he was not sick yes how are the babies the babies are okay they are amazing yeah you know with children they are just bubbly and very innocence yeah they keep asking me where that is or has it stopped a bit it has stopped there's a time they really used to ask and not all of them he has seen them twice yeah in six and a half years and the first time when they were born and then now when they were like four years so they really don't have that connection but there's this one particular child Lisa who really asks a lot about that yes okay I wanna get into this story because God is it that it's the ones we love that end us end up hurting us the most the people you trust would you say you trusted your husband fully I trusted I trusted him fully and um I think we kind of got disconnected because I was so busy with the babies you know sometimes I'm like oh it's three days and we've not talked you know when the babies are young it's it's a lot of work you can easily live and forget you know so we kind of got disconnected yeah yes and there's something you mentioned to me when we were doing the pre-interview over the phone that even when the babies were born you saw something and you assumed yes what was that when the babies were born when I was hospital when I was in hospital so when um it was time to pay bills he disappeared like he was not there so I kept communicating with his mom by the way the Mom rested may she rest in peace she was really there for me like she covered everything because she's the one who paid the bills so we could ask she could call me and she was in kissimm in Nairobi she could abuse have you heard from him have you heard from him for like three weeks so the mom cleared the bills from hospital and then and then all of a sudden he just appeared they was like oh I was stressed and I just I went I took a hotel I was just reflecting about everything okay yes so it was a red flag but you see that time there's nothing much I can do I have four young infants what are you supposed to do even if it's a red flag you just you you just play along yeah okay for the purpose of this conversation the audience would want first to understand how you met this person how this person came into your life to a point where he started telling you he has heart issues in the U.S and how you finally found out that he's not sick and all along he's been happily married to another person in America and how you are coping right now oh I knew this when was it okay we met online we met online in our dating sites called Craigslist uh since time immemorial I've not been an outdoor person so that is why every time I fall in love online you know I've always been an indoor person so um we met online and then we we we kept talking we kept talking on off we talked actually for one year without seeing each other you were in Kenya yeah in the U.S so we were just talking uh but he used to tell me he's going through a lot but he couldn't just see what he was going through so finally he came so he came we met actually we went to see his mom yeah his mom was also ailing and then the mom also used to live in America but was now sickly at home so they have their roots in Kenya yes okay yes so and they all was well he visited my mom also he visited he came to my home once and then after that you know you know when someone takes you to their home you you suddenly you know that is final yes but it's not and then now the babies were babies were born and then now you know they are seeing their red flags you see and you're like no I think things will get I will get better with time so even after The Disappearance you know they were that reassuring so he was stressed up and that is okay so I'm highly suspecting the marriage happened when the children were like months old because that is when we disconnected because when he left when the children were four months and he came back when they were four and a half years in between it was you know when someone calls you when it's convenient like if you call he will disconnect so he will call you when he's free but still you know with the with the quadruplets especially when they are infants you really don't follow up on many things yeah you really don't follow up or why didn't you call actually you don't you are just stressed with the babies you know so my world was with the babies you know and uh I think somehow we disconnected uh but now Financial issues kicked in because now like oh I don't have a job I don't have a job he would say that yeah he would tell me I'm gonna all of a sudden he could say oh I got attacked by a good Promise You by the way he's not a violent person he's a very calm person he's not violent he was not he will not shout at you but he will tell you things he will not do like oh next week I'm expecting some money I'll send you so you wait you wait nothing and then when you start questioning he disappears like three months then all of a sudden it was like oh I'm admitted in hospital I just go Um I have heart issues blah blah and it was really scaring and the children were months old so I was like oh my goodness wait he brought up the heart issue when the kids were just months old yes yes so and then he said he was depressed he just became depressed after the children were born that was like maybe it's affecting Me Maybe it's affecting him you know people receive such news differently especially men so I thought maybe that's okay me I believed that so um he started saying he's sick and then now I got worried I started telling my friends my family we need to pray for him blah blah then he could tell me okay I mean I'm admitted in hospital I could even ask the name of the hospital and then I Google you know he's like um you know the hospital has taken my phone we are not allowed to communicate so I'll be here for three months so no communication you see so that time you see that time I was depending on well wishes I was depending largely on well Vision you know someone could send me ten thousand five thousand five hundred you know I really survived with well wishes but him also once in a while he could send me something he could send ten thousand twenty like that so it went on like that he's sick and then now it became so much till when um when the babies were like was it nine months nine months I think and then now I had rent arrays of five months I had not paid rent for five months and the land landlord no he doesn't know what to do he doesn't want to send me away because of the babies because of the babies in that time now I'm not working I'm not working because I'm now you know I'm now lactating fully I'm not sleeping at night so it's not even possible to work so that time so we had a conversation and then the Lander told me maybe what you can do you can just organize yourself and maybe it was an urgent actually he was like you know these houses I'm just an urgent you know but he was really human so we made an argument I can just move out and when I promise to pay when things get better I moved out to my brother's house my brother who is here who is here with me so Emoto he was living in gong that time I moved to his house my brother was living in a one bedroom house actually he moved out he was just staying with friends because the one bedroom was not even enough for us because I remember some children were sleeping in the in the living room and some in the bedroom because you know the one bedroom the way they can be tiny so and the the my my household my house items we had to put them outside in some Corner we had we had we went and bought this uh black Manila pepper you know those ones and then we covered my brother bought and covered with so that's and actually a lot of things spoiled because of the rain as much as they were covered because I lived with my brother for six months and all that time I'm just hustling you know um I don't want people to know and especially my mom you know my mom is sickling I don't want her to do I don't want her to know that I'm going through something in fact I was quiet because of my mom because she's been unwell for for a while so I don't want her to get stressed you know so anytime we are fine we are fine that is the time I could go in Facebook and post and like hey you guys me today I don't have diapers and you see not people could not understand why you know your husband is an American you here asking for diapers like nobody could clearly understand why but I I'm one person who takes time you know I give you benefit of doubt I really take time and and of course me I wanted it to work the ones you know nobody nobody goes into something what you need to fail or do you want to fail I I really didn't want to fail and uh and they kept it a secret do you know even my brother I know he's really saying to me he didn't know about everything till recently because he even asked me why are you what is happening that I'm like no no I just I'm just moving here uh I don't know I don't know what I told him but I didn't tell him what happened but my brother was in the dark and I'm living in his house so I didn't I didn't share with anyone anything no even at that time I didn't even really have friends because you know when you have small children you kind of disconnect the only friends you can keep are those ones who are maybe looking for you yeah yeah so after that I stayed there and then life went on on off and then I think after three months he came back and then he started sending me something here and there you know you know when someone manages you psychologically like that on off then all of a sudden he said his uh he's been attacked he's been shot I think he was like you know here black American shot people I was just going to the bank I was short and all the money was gone and you know I'm really I really am really sorry oh my goodness you know so as time went by so the babies were four years that time when coffee Dead really hits so he told me he doesn't have um his passport has already expired but now I was really pressuring me you need to come and see the children it's been from the time they were four months they are now four and a half months four and a half years four and a half years so he said his ex his passport is expired but I think he got a letter from I don't know the states from the states I don't know a special letter to travel so he came okay so when he came actually went with my brother to pick to pick him and he just said a small bag you know like someone who is within Nairobi that's a small bag and then he made the babies we were happy actually we received him well uh but I noted something when he was here like his phone nobody was calling for some reason nobody was calling even at some point I was like you mean you don't even afraid no no you know me I don't like friends you know he's a very private person yeah you will not know anything about him he's a very private person like nobody was calling at all at all and he's one person who changes numbers I think he cannot stay with a number for three months that is uh he will keep on changing every time he'll tell you I changed that number I changed that number so and um the reason it was like you're some some people some relatives I didn't want them to know my number you know and you warned me even his own brother does not have his number because I remember telling your brother was asking for a number please don't give him so when he came I noted nobody is calling him and when he could call he could go like out and make calls on his own and come back so after three weeks is it was like something has happened um there's some fraud that has happened to my accounts and I've been summoned from the US to go back urgently so hold up because this person has not he's seen his kids for like four years yes he comes here three weeks for three weeks and he's already been summoned yes yes but before he came he sent me fifty thousand and he told me I'm not going to buy you know I don't know about baby stuff that 50 000. buy clothes for the babies and then you hide those clothes then when I come they're the ones I will present actually I went with my brother to shop wow yes so three weeks he's Disturbed he's like no I need to go back some I don't know some he was saying some Nigerians and I think Indians we mentioned you know were involved in some fraud with with his accounts money has been hacked so everything he cannot withdraw any money he need to go back urgently now the problem was he came with a one-way ticket no return tickets so he's like I don't even have money to go back you need to uh please can you help me get a hundred thousand to go back remember not working so now you are my parents yeah so maybe I there was some there was a neighbor I had some neighbors around this those surroundings were they were friends like they love my babies they could come they were they were coupled they could come take videos you know we were very close friends so I was like who am I going to ask money so I was looking around so those around these we had a story when they came to Kenya someone tried to call them and I helped them I connected them with something a dear friend of mine who helped them and and when they wanted to pay me I refused I told them it's okay I've just helped you so we kind of connected connected with them so so me I called I called them and talked to them and I was like Hey My My Ma my husband is has been someone to go to the to the US because of his account as issues and he does not have money to go back kindly lend me hundred thousands that guy did notice is he treats but he said we need to to talk like the three of us yes so he came the guy came the lady didn't come we had a talk and and you the guy and your husband yes we talked and then he was like no problem and because he does not have m-pesa so money was sent into my phone the hundred thousand I remember I'm the one who paid for the flight it was 75 000 one way and then the balance he took the balance he changed into dollars and then he went back so when he went back you know I'm still having Financial issues but I'm just trying to manage here and there you know but now that place I was living it was so strict you have to pay rent by Third I had to move out and uh I think I move a lot I move a lot I really stay in in space one space because of those it was because of that reason if I get places paying rent very strict third I could move out so he went back and then he said he arrived well blah blah and he updated me to me all my money was stolen so I'm just starting from zero oh so we were just praying about it about financial breakthrough you know yes allow me to go back because earlier he told you he has heart issues right so when he's here in the country it was okay for the for yeah what was he telling you about his medical condition when you ask yes I did ask her and it was like um I'm now feeling better you know they he told me he went through lesser surgery and he told me you know it's something they do I don't know from the league but it's the heart I don't know it's done from it's a surgery it's done like on the leg but the target is the heart I didn't even understand anyway I didn't yes even going deep but when he was here it was pretty much okay yes so he goes back then he goes back this place I was staying uh I felt there is that I made started teaching you know that time I started teaching online yes it was uh I was teaching in an international school so we were working from home yeah and then now like kind of covered was still going on we were back from working from home so some of the foreigners my students who had gone back to their country reached me out to teach their children so I started teaching you see at least I was getting my money you know I was now you know we could not sleep hungry and now I reduced even borrowing money you know I could borrow a lot so that by the time he's even sending me money I pay like I'm paying debts so at least uh things were not bad when it was time for children to start school I told him they should not starting school it was like you know here in America children start school at 10 years so I was even asking friends do children start school over there when they are the age of 10 . you see and then we were it was too much no yes those are young children you're stressing them so I started doing homeschooling I studied enough schooling I looked through syllabus for ecd but I couldn't do it because I'm not trained you know the the mountain The Early Childhood they have a special training and so I tried teaching them it couldn't work and you know it's so hard to teach your children so I had to get a teacher the teacher actually was uh I was paying her 10 000 a month and she was amazing she was amazing we were even living together I told her I will host too we're living together like we were like family so that teacher continued but they homeschooled almost for two for quite some time I went to school and um a the children started school at least that school gave me a sibling discount of two you know I have my niece under my care she is my responsibility as well so I was given a sibling this kind of true children so I was paying for four and then uh I think they they kind of understood but they didn't know okay that time I'm portraying myself I'm married even even the school documents actually even now they use the that name that time now the picture of him being not sick I didn't know at all now as time went by I'm having serious Financial issues serious Financial issues but now the online Swahili classes yeah are also coming in handy they are picking up they're picking up you know I could get a client you know this diplomats who come to Kenya and now I'm marketing myself online people are reaching me out at least I um it was not when I was not doing and that is why not doing anything that is why as women even if your husband is the president of I don't know where just have your money it came to a point where we really had a lot of areas and the school was is really considered they didn't even send them home it's only once remember it was lunch hour the children came home they were brought by the bus but now they the bad thing about it is they brought the fall and the two remained in school so and then of course I was told the school fees but I talked to the school and they went back to school the following day but now the children they were you know the big girl what was that you know she's still a young she's she's 11 but she's still she's still a baby she told them you know you guys you you were sent home for school fees it's it's not like you are going for a trip you are not going for a trip she was sent home as we have scholarship bro um so they were asking me how comes us we do not have scholarship they don't even understand what is scholarship them they knew they were going for a trip that is why they came home early and I was like hey these children you know the two are sponsored and therefore these are a problem but now it's me the school has done its best actually they went back the following day and uh I went to the school actually I was called for a meeting I actually briefed the one of the one of the administrators of the school I told them what has happened by then now I've Been Told what has happened because the cousin who lives in the US I was borrowing money I texted him I'm like we are so broken we are so broke because Joe is sick blah blah and he was like it was you know when someone is wants to tell you something but they are hesitating and he was like you know this is my cousin and uh I was like please tell me he said okay let me call you tomorrow so the cousin finally called me and he was like by the way I'm not supposed to tell you this I listened to you I listened to an interview that Lynn did and you mentioned about heart issues I I was like I mean I mean he has never been sick I've never had because we we live close to each other he lives in New York and the cousin lives in New Jersey those places are like I've never had we we normally have family meeting but he never goes to those family meeting but they somehow they meet was like he has never been sick he uh he went ahead and said like maybe a flu you know but that's serious issues for for heart surgery no then now that really put me down that really put me down and um I didn't want to ask because I just didn't want to ask because uh you know when you really want to be with someone there are things you can avoid asking just to keep the because B I just wanted to keep the relationship I didn't want to cause problems uh but I texted the sister this is also is there they I told her to call me I have an issue she's by the sister is very nice be very nice like she just very yeah she was just being a um she just put herself in my shoes and then and all the time the sister is aware when he goes missing I normally tell the Sister by the way when it's like three weeks one month by the way it's one month I've never heard from you I hope he's well he's like what do you mean then he's like you know the number I had he changed can you give me his new number the sister is really concerned because it was like all my calls have been unanswered we hope he's well and the sister is like in case of anything yet that if there's anything bad that has happened definitely I could be the first person to be to be told because we live is also in the U.S so the sister we kind of like the sister understand this journey since actually she's the only person she's the only person I talk to that family and she's the only person who knows everything so so I called her she called me and then uh I told her you know I we are having Financial issues and Joe is not he's not working he's sick because I had he's not sick someone told me and she was like you know those sickness even me I've never had she told me it's one time misleading the bar in the bathroom and he had his leg so even the sickness he was she was like I'm not aware of the sickness she was like I also listened to that interview I was like I've never heard about it so he was like okay we continue praying you know she's very prayerful she was like we'll continue to pray we are hoping things go go on well so that was our conversation and then now this guy now I called another guy a very close friend very very close friend of now Joe and then for some reason the guy could not pick my calls I texted him several times but finally he called me and then I was trying to do a bit of interrogation like could you be knowing that Joe went back and married you know bro code that guy was like no no no no you cannot do such a thing you cannot he cannot do everything is fine he lost his phone you know he lost his phone you know here in America when you lose a phone it's a process you're not getting another one I don't know registering lights you know it was really protecting it didn't tell me anything time to time I could ask that guy by the way so those are the two guys normally I could call the the best friend and the sister but the sister somewhere I did not know but the the friend definitely knew but he was hiding every time no no no he's okay he's okay another time he told me he went to another stage to work they are not allowed to to use phones another time who is admitted in hospital you know at some point I stopped calling the French so finally I'm still in communication with the cousin I really want to now I'm really interested because I see now things are not adding up because now since the kids started school he sent me like only 20 000. and uh some of that time now he has stopped calling now that time is not calling completely but I could email I could email if I show you the emails I have of you know the way you beg someone to do something please can you pray for us and please can you pay you know till you feel like you're disgracing yourself you know have you ever checked your messages you write when you when you're mad and you feel like oh my goodness that time I've written emails emails emails why are you writing emails though I'm writing emails because I cannot get him on phone on phone like his WhatsApp when you text you can see clearly it's not read and it's not red at all so one time I emailed him and I no before that email the cousin now the cousin called me and tell me by the way there's something I had I heard that uh Joe had a wedding with a black American I was like when he said it has to be when the children were around months and another mutual friend so I was like no I'm not so sure about it and then he asked me do you have a Social Security number so that we can check and he was like no I don't have the only thing he left in Kenya was his identity card and driving license and by the way if you come to where the to my place there is no trace of a man's clothes I live with my brother maybe my brother's clothes he could come with a few clothes those ones he lives he will tell you to give out you will not see a trace of a man's clothes so um so and then I texted the sister again and I was really feeling I'm really bothering her you know I'm trying to keep a good relationship because she's the only person I can cry to and I was like um I need to talk to the sister those is the sister is like even me I had the way you've had you are not invited and we are not aware so I was like I was now telling the sister you know the children are not going to school now that is what I'm saying though the children are in school but now the children are going to school blah blah you know what the sister told me my brother is a pathological liar I think we're deepanga too I think that time that is when it really hit me it really hit me so bad because remember the hundred thousand I'd borrowed that money was not paid as I was actually taken to the CID one day I got a call by their aunties yes we are now friends and friendship is no longer we are no longer friends and deep down I'm feeling guilty like those people who are nice people it's me who messed up the friendship because that guy one time told me a this guy has told me he's not going to pay he has millions I don't know why I'm following hundred thousands no your husband yes yes so you know that time where to make an agreement how to pay the money or to pay the money and then of course I pay the money but now another thing that happened that really had broke me was the the the CID was a former neighbor and the way Foods my best friend so when the husband was telling me you borrowed money for your husband to go back to America 100 000 and now you people are not picking called Blah Blah you need to pay that money in three in three days oh I disconnected the call you know I just wanted to think what you say I disconnected the call so the wife calls immediately you know this is my friend and I thought she told me so your husband came to Kenya with that with no money and you were borrowing that money pay that money you people ate the money together the money was sending your phone I was like oh my goodness this is my friend you know that person you're supposed to call and tell ABCD anyway back to my my my now sister-in-law my ex-sister-in-law so she's really disappointed about everything she's like oh we have blah blah and then I was like okay it's okay and then I told her my plans I'm moving to a cheaper house I'm changing children school she was like that's fine so I moved to another house a very small house maybe you will not come there but now it was manageable you know I don't have to have expectations you know when you depend on someone maybe you have a few expenses yes yes so I moved through I guess a small house and then now friends came in my close friends now knew what I'm going through you know I had now to [ __ ] now I started sharing I started telling you no uh by the way me I've never been engaged I've never been married and this is what is going on I'm paying my rent money is once in a while he sends money is a while and then my friend that friend of mine the particular one she's her name is damacling he her husband is in abroad as well so so he started she started inquiring some things for me and was like no no no no six years with without a job and blah blah sickness it's not adding up no she really pushed me actually to look for a house you are looking for houses and and I was like hey this house is she was so tiny she was like you you need a house you can pay she just started putting sense into me we got a house we moved in when we moved in now the babies are like where is upstairs you know who is upstairs and then of course the Beagle but the children the young ones they really adapt very fast and then everything and I actually love the place more because we we live there on our own it's safe for them then we have a garden you know I planted vegetables blah blah but now now it's like I really got depressed really actually there was a day with suicidal I took the children to school and then when I was outside the school compound I just sat somewhere and cried really good you know now I really cried and I called when I cried I called my the friend damatlin they told her I cried crying I thought the marker in me I just want to die I don't want this guy cannot do this to me blah blah you know dama was like where are you I'm coming right now we don't live far from each other even from the school she came she came we heard that talk we hear that she was you know when you're stressed up someone is talking to you but you're like foreign I said sometimes I feel the post was sometimes I wish to wake up I I don't wish to wake up I wish to sleep and just sleep it's only because of the babies so there are people who saw the posts like there's a friend of mine called anuendo the CEO of vanilla baby shop she called me immediately and she told me do you know what's going on I was like I was crying that time I'm still crying we are still there at the same spot she was like okay she lives in um utawala she was like I'm coming right there but first of all delete that post I was like why should I delete the posts no please delete the posts okay she as she was driving coming I think she's checking the post is still there and within five minutes it's almost 1 000 comments you know what is going on are you okay so like please delete the post I'm even parked somewhere delete that post we don't want it things to go I deleted the post but I'm like why I'm even deleting the posts she came we actually went to to dama's house with her we went together and we had a talk we had a talk but you know all that time I'm on my own like I'm on my they are talking but I'm not there me I'm now I'm having a strategy how to just kill myself and I'm like oh these babies where they will they go and at some point I was like you know it's easier to kill one child now all these children now we live and strangle them you know I'm having really bad thoughts we had a talk with a talk and she was like uh we we are there for you and other friends now came I have a group of friends there are many I can't mention of the likes of my mind these during Pauline there are so many they came to visit me now the one Saturday that Saturday that weekend they came the the shop foodstuffs we cooked you know we had music we played music you know they are managing me but I'm just like a zombie and they kept calling me they they were really calling me like every time they're telling me no no no no you're not the first person to be heartbroken in that time they've been supporting me financially so I'm feeling better they are just telling me just forget about this guy and at this time when they are coming because you've spoken to the cousin the sister-in-law have you found time to talk to him and has he replied that time he's not he's Now offline you know he changes numbers even my brother is here I can tell you he changes numbers so that time is not talking so one time that time I emailed him I told me I told him I think I've been begging you enough for school fees blah blah so I think I need to go to the American American did I say American Embassy so that the American Embassy can clearly say if you've been sick and if I need to give my statements that I've been footing bills alone so that me I just need is child support he replied to that email he told me so you want me to deport it so so you want me to be deported so and I was like no I don't want you to be deported I just need you to help me with child support he was like I have quarried I don't know I mean guarantine blah blah you know he's now has covered I mean guarantine now I'm now I'm coming back to my senses but when he's had he's telling me he has coffee now I don't really have any remorse left now you know I've been overstretched you know this is we're talking about six and a half years now that time I don't even he was like you're not even saying sorry and actually when I made a pause that week I made a post in Facebook and I said by the way I'm a single mother and I raise my children alone so don't tag me with those different I just have names you know when you're mad you just go in Facebook and and you went there you don't even care what people will even say and that screenshot went to all gossip groups I think um and people were I think people are like oh my goodness like how you know people think people with with uh quadruplets will not break up like people would prefer maybe someone who has one child to break up considered the other one so it was all and of course in in everything you're not uh you'll not miss negativity yes of course they're those ones who will talk badly at that time my friends my close friends are really like the winner deactivate your account we don't want to see you online because the things you are posting We are not happy I went offline for a while it was really offline and you know I I do this uh posting for people especially those with cancer they get support and now those kinds of patients are really depending on me you know I don't have money to give them but when I post people help them because your group is big yes yes so that time even the cancer patients are like oh we are missing camels you know we are we were depending on your platform so that time I'm just off completely like my friends I'm on my neck you know like my friend called Mara she could call me every day the academic would come to the house every time every time Pauline they are just therefore every time they are telling me no no no you don't want to see you in Facebook posting anything because now this story has gone to the gossip groups so we went on like that we we kept on you know I could be like two weeks I email him and I'm like I tell them no I'm not going to email him they tell me don't email him anything just keep quiet but silently I email I email and then when I em you know those things that touch him like American Embassy those ones those ones are the ones he respond like no no no no I will not leave my children I will always support them but I'm asking where is that support the children are not even going to school where is the supports and then about the marriage I asked him he said oh that is a fake marriage you don't know about America it's a fake marriage to get papers so I'm like he went to the states 1989. he has never gotten papers no this is a fake marriage I'm I'm uh give me three to four years I divorce and then I can come and get married now he's really managing me you know but still but still now I've run out of patience like right now now I don't have any love left I just have been overstretched like I don't I has already confirmed there was yes he confirmed I I was like I wish he told me it's not it's not even true but but he was like who told you that who was who told you that Andy was really suspecting the the friend now another issue I'm having is the children you know he has now stopped calling them they're asking ways Daddy not calling why Daddy not coming you know and there is one particular child Lisa Lisa and Lara they could ask him Lisa Lisa is very observant and Lisa International Lisa can hear conversations and analyze things and analyze them and analyze them because uh Lisa is the one who noted I'm stressed there's a day they were crying and I told them why are you crying have you ever seen mommy crying Lisa was like I was like oh I was I told myself I will never cry to the extent that the kids can see that time even my brother here does not know what is going on he doesn't know what's going on but my sister knows everything my sister the mother to the child I live with my sister knows everything I could share now someone when he wrote in Facebook I'm single my single mother someone who knows my mom calls my moment and told her my mom actually came to Nairobi from kisi he talked and was like ah actually she she she talked to my two sisters and you know my sisters were managing her they were like you know the winner sometimes post things that are not true you know Facebook sometimes people write uh things that are not true and then my mom called me and she was like I was like Mom I I just posted it was not true and she was like give me his number I want to call him foreign because the number I have is not going through so I was like Mom just relax everything's okay my mom comes to Nairobi so my mom really wants to talk to him he's in the house he's not leaving for a country he wants to talk to him then I had no option but I gave out the number we call using WhatsApp and he received the call hi Mommy how are you like I told you it's very he's a very calm person he was like how are you oh I'm so happy you you know come to Nairobi to see the grand daughters blah blah and he was like when are you leaving I need to send you some money I'll send you 10 000 Shillings huh for your transport back but deep down I knew that one is not happening so my mom is expecting money in a job my mom is expecting money nothing so I sorted my mom my mom went back your mom did not ask him the questions no my mom did not ask yes you know us I don't know if it's only in kissy a mother-in-law and her son-in-law there's some respect they are things you're not supposed to ask you know you can ask maybe through another person the the there is that boundary and you know my mom is that mom who believes in that so he did not ask anything but my mom was part of the people who was really praying for him but I don't want to tell my mom thing like I'm not really out but I told Mom just go back blah blah did he send money I was like no but he will send so my mom goes back feeling relieved and then now time went by time went by my mom is like how is this so and so so I opened up I told you I told one by the way Mom we are not together no I think that was the worst news for my mother even now she's very sick because of that he could not believe it and it's not something she was prepared for and it's not something she wants you know my mom got really stressed she could call me every day um has so and so called at some point I told my mom he's not supposed to call because even if he calls I'm not interested you know my mom mom you need to know that this is over like no no no no no my mom is like no no no no no no no no no I have to talk to I have to have you talked to the sisters so you know my mom with time my mom up to now she's still in denial she's still in denial like she did she doesn't want like no he's a good I was like Mom yes she so it came to a point at all mom yes he's a good person but he's married to another woman my mom is now like no they're accusing him I was like Mom I know he's married so my mom is just living in denial up to date what part about it hurts most what hurts most is the fact that he's not supporting the children for me right now I really don't care about love I need money together for the you know these children are very expensive that is what and what hurts most is in a developing country not like here and another thing that hurts me is um at some point I was sending him money in fact even my brother was so shocked he could manage me oh I'm very sick in fact I don't even have money blah blah a look for me twenty thousand or ten thousand you know and I could even borrow money I borrow money and send it and send and send it and they go and send him money once in a while not always once in a while and save the money so I went back to the cousin and dust and by the way are you able to talk to him so that he can support the kids at least it's all I know it's over I've accepted it's over but he can need support he told me this this now made me now withdraw he told me this you know um I'm suspecting they have a shared account so as matters he could want to support that because the the woman does not know about me he will be deported so that is why he's telling you to give him four years to divorce or something but sending money unless he finds someone to send you money after that I think and I gave up I gave up I made peace with myself you know and I said maybe you know sometimes you tell yourself maybe you're not lucky you're not lucky but now I have read my friends you know that click of friends they are not allowing me to be stressed they are there can we come they come take me out you know they're really now I'm actually even forgetting there's another one even called Josephine like they always come we go somewhere you know they're really on my case because they know now my my thoughts are really evil they could check to me they are communicating with my household just to check to check on me and I think I didn't go for therapy like a professional therapy why I didn't go because I felt this is something that has happened for years it's not something that started it recently you saw the I saw the red flags you know but but you know one thing with me I don't know maybe most women me one thing with me when I love someone and you come telling me even something uh negative about them you don't believe it I don't believe in fact I will hate you I can even block you because what are you telling me I remember we have uh we had a WhatsApp group of multiple parents people with multiples that group had a counselor called great ly we could talk like seeing since the the children like you know sometimes I could really wear out and then I reach out to Goretti you know great is she's a real counselor she will oh Divina by the way you are amazing you're doing an amazing she will really flatter you with all those you wouldn't forget your problems huh and then one time she asked me this guy is not married I usually ah not my no we can oh no he cannot marry like how so later on is when I'm like I think gorita was right and at some point I avoided her I knew that was coming because we want to avoid people who are telling us yes I was this guy and uh great was like why can't he invite you to visit even kids why can't he invite you to visit him because he's sick you help around you know but you know that part I don't want to hear at some point I'm avoiding I'm avoiding her I'm awaiting are we even disconnecting but you know now after everything is when you go back and ask yourself because even my mom was really concerned my mom is asking me about formalizing like you've never seen him and when he came to Kenya didn't even go to see my mom or anything he didn't even meet his brother leave her alone my mom my mom is very far my mom is now pressurizing me when are you guys formalizing me no you know as a parent I'm like Mom you know the kids are still young my mom is like you don't have to do a big wedding you just need to go to but I don't know that this guy that time I think the children romance has married over there and he cannot he does not have that certificate of of being allowed to marry so my mom is on my neck my mom is on my neck but I'm I'm managing I'm telling Mom I'm okay no he's okay he doesn't have a problem but now when all these things happen is when now you go back now you start collecting thoughts thoughts in the it reached to a point now you know when you make peace yourself with yourself they're like no I think [Music] um you know what I told myself even if you went there in marriage Andy supporting the kids I could just be alone because I really need the financial support like I could just lower my pride and but because now there's no support and the other woman is also innocent doesn't know about me she doesn't know about me and I'm here I feel like I blame myself a lot a big part because even when he came to Kenya there are some pictures I took with him with the babies and they told me please don't post those pictures on Facebook and I was like why he was like you know you know I'm not a social media person I just don't like but you you can post with the kids have no problem you know but my pictures please don't post it you know now why am I not allowed to post photos and when he was leaving he asked for my phone because he could use my phone he deleted all the photos we had with him and then I'm like why did oh I did something I don't know what I did oh my God I don't know what I did they deleted by mistake he's gone even the backup all the photos are deleted you see so to say but everything comes as a lesson it comes as a big list lesson right now I'm really sensitive with anything around me anyone around me like I'm seeing everything now as a red flag even normal friendship yeah even normal even normal friendship yeah and uh another thing I've noted is uh majority of these men in abroad they can live a double life someone is maybe planning to marry over there they come for a vacation you know we are now like vacation brights you know they come here they promise you well they will marry you blah blah but they have another life over there which sometimes it's hard to know I can only imagine and also because you are such a you are such a huge social media influencer yes and also you know you are such an amazing online Swahili coach so you have this business you're also trying to portray an image out there do you think the pressure for you to act married and see if you're in a good family was there yes it was there the pressure was real because and those people who could post marriage works you know when someone says long distance marriages has come and they are defending yes and they're like no no no no no no no no no hey me mine is working perfectly you know I'm I'm basically living a lie because there's a way I want to portray of course me I love marriage me a good love to be in a marriage if I'm told to choose between being single and married I would prefer this because I feel it's a fine space but now at this point I think your mentor your mental health is fast yes you don't have to be where you're not needed you don't to be you don't have to be a tableware you're not being served yeah go out and come up with yourself yes and it's also an eye opener to many women sometimes there are things you ignore you know there are things like right now if someone calls me like twice I don't pick and then they come back saying oh I called you away that one because if you call someone at least call someone once or twice and they can call back you know you know those are the things I went through that time we were in communication at some point sometimes we could even send the house up at 3am one day he called the house about 3 AM tell Divina to pick my calls really so you know there are some things now really on the lookout and the pressure only of acting married and now people are shocked even my close friend was shocked so you mean you are not even engaged you're not even married you know they are now really getting shocked and many know you by his name and now many know me by his name Divina Joseph and now you'll meet just a fan like hey Divina Joseph how are you I'm like oh I'm good well they tagged me in a comments even just if sometimes I just when I'm in a bad mood I told you my name is Divina online Swahili teacher in that comment would have like a thousand likes people following you know when what happened you know when that comment can be uplifted from there to be taken to other groups but I've now I've learned to to accept the things the way they are yeah like allow I I feel like I don't have anything against him maybe it was in a situation that he wasn't able to pull himself out and again but I feel no one deserves to lie to another yes regardless of the situation even if things are tough I think Honesty is still the best policy yes even when he came back you know at some point he was apologizing but he's not accepting he was not sick but I'm now telling him to send me documents if all these things are not true yeah send me documents because I remember when I asked you how do you call parent in a long distance you told me he mentioned sometimes it's very hard for him to fly because the air yes because of restrictions because he's sick now at some point I'm I want proof okay these people are accusing you can you send me approval of course hello tissues are not things especially surgeries to restrictions for you to travel to travel I don't think they are just things not it's not enough I'm now asking for confirmation can you okay they're accusing you you is insisting they're accusing they're accusing but the married thing because I'm I've told him I'm going to the Embassy blah blah to find out that one is accepted and he said oh I did this because I saw the babies are growing I need to bring them over here so the shortcuts is getting married to an American and I'm like he came he went to the US 1989. but now at this point we are not even in the same book can't be Central at all we are not like now now I'm not even interested in anything and this is someone I loved this is someone and you know when you love someone by doing me I love like don't talk anything about my in the my issue even if there are issues I don't share like or telling anyone I will act good even if we fought last night I will just act good I will protect the person I love looking back do you think that's a good idea now to perfect something that's not there I think it's not a good idea and I think you need to talk to people maybe professionals you just need to share because and you need to listen to people you know me I didn't listen to anyone you need to listen to people when they're red flags and um at least half people you trust you know this one I kept to myself I kept to myself in six and a half years if I can count the money he sent me it's not more than a hundred thousand you know once in a blue moon when I'm ready on his neck once in a blue one and you know these are expensive children you know they are not cheap children and you know children are innocent is they they want this they want this and you can't deny them bread you can't deny they are things like food food and my children have appetite because you know they're they're multiple multiple children majority of multiple children look like this yeah these ones they are these ones if you don't eat if I put 10 pieces of bread on the table and one is refuses to eat the other ones will clear yes and she will feel jealous yes so the man in which they eat they eat like a competition they have very good appetite thank God for that good yes I mean uh given that you are very known uh socially um what what would you say give you the strength to come out because other people would be like I can't go it's shameful but for you what finally gave you the strength to be the one owning your own story what can what came out what made me to come out it was actually my the circle of friends who are supporting me they told me Divina we don't want to hear in any interview saying you're married [Music] they gave me pressure because he told me like she's called there it's not me you're not married who is your ring when did you do your russiani that guy is married so why you all of us saying you're married so they kind of gave me pressure we don't want to hear you in fact we will say yes and I think the most important thing about owning your story is no one now gets to dictate how it goes yes so that is when now I went out there you know now and and now another thing another funny thing I have people in my messenger inbox crying to me like I'm a mother of one single mother my husband has done this I feel like committing suicide I'm like this one does she know what I'm going through like really now I'm encouraging them I'm telling you you know even me I'm single and they're like Kaya they even now you know it's now like even feeling me they are now no longer getting like depressed I'm telling them even me I'm um as women we need to be financially empowered we need to we need to hustle we need to live within our means you know we need to be there for our children and uh I think nobody should say um yes but I also for me I think especially right now since you're going through a couple of things if there's anything we can't take away from you it's your online Swahili coaching ability so even for people who are watching and they would still be interested in your craft because then that we can't take away from you uh you would tell us where they can find you but Joseph will watch this event definitely he will watch this and he will also you know want to say one two three yeah what would you want him to know um I want him to first of all I'm just grateful that I have beautiful children because those children as much as I I really can't say I regret for ignoring the red flag because those children they make me happy and uh and I thank God for them they just make me happy and they these children have made me to work hard even more that one I give him credits another thing is um I'm not here for child support because I know I've pursued that for long I'm not here for child support and it's not good to force someone to support but their own children their own children and it's draining following up someone it's really draining so I wanted me to know that you know um it's good to be honest you know he told me I want him deported no that is not my intention I wouldn't want him to to be deported because I just don't want him to be deported and I don't want I don't want him to divorce yes so that to come and formalize for me I think I'm I've moved on like my now right now I don't have any single feeling apart maybe from respecting him as the father of my children yeah yes do you think online dating is dangerous especially Craigslist because I've had some few things here about Craigslist do you think it's dangerous or you love who you love I think what I can say it is um you can meet someone in church who will end up killing you it doesn't matter it doesn't matter where you meet someone it's just an individual I have friends who met online and they have amazing marriages so it's kind of luck you can fall for the wrong for the wrong one or the right one in every separation in every breakup in every divorce we should have that one strong parents at least don't be weak all of you yes one has to be there to step up don't mind if the other one you will catch up he or she will catch up when he feels like but be that one supporting parents don't say that well this one is not doing this I will not do this on my own once parent has to be strong for the children because these children are very Innocent by the way and they have a right to a good education they have a right to shelter you know them they they are just innocence so one has to be that strong person and step in even if it means stepping in you have to do something extra to to to provide for them you have to do it and again it's good to talk to people talk to professionals because this keeping quiet I think can really it can kill me because me I was dying inside yeah out there people know I'm happy out there people know I'm the strongest person even people could come crying to me how the the husband administrating them and then you know I'm all they are preaching marriage works you know that I'm living a life so it's good to be true yeah do you think you took enough time to know your person I think I didn't take enough time because we dated online for a year for a year in that year it was not like we were not communicating throughout so and when he came when he came we moved together immediately you know I mean you know what you know I think it's good to to really take time because if I could have been insisting on on maybe formalizing the marriage and if maybe she had a fiance he had a fiance he had a fiancee okay if I could have really insisted maybe it could have worked I don't know but it's good to take your time before you know something just take your time before you move not everyone who says the last they love you they they mean it yeah have you forgiven yourself for your still beating yourself up me I'm actually feeling silly no I'm like you know and you know nowadays we laugh about it yes my brother just just moved in just to help me you know because me and my brother we are very close and Jasper we can laugh you know my brother is like you mean you are sending me money and we laugh about it how are we you mean you are sending him but you know you mean and and my brother was like you lived with me for six months and you didn't tell me yes I'm saying that so so right now we are just laughing about it you know things are now very calm there was a time I could not even at a world without crying I would cry I would cast myself but you know above all I love my children I really adore them yes and I feel they were not a mistake and I couldn't trade anything for them what would you want them to know foreign I want them to know that I'm I will give them the best I will try give them the best and when they are of age they will decide they will decide they will just decide for themselves yes good and I like that you've said you know of course these issues are between you and their father yeah but I also think that your children deserve to have a very good life they deserve to be a coded great education they don't deserve to go missing a meal um so I can only hope also as he watches this he also gets to understand that they are responsibilities not to you but to his children too so I know you said you don't want child support and stuff but then again your kids deserve to go to school and they deserve to live a good life so I hope that is something that you guys can work together and you know just come up with a system that allows these kids to grow up feeling supported because man you've done a lot your story broke the internet I mean if people talk about quadruplets they can't talk about quadruplets without Divina if people now I get it when people are talking about marriages and it's also good to for people to understand marriages work because marriages work but also marriages is marriage is work so we cannot expect marriages to work if we are not putting in the work in the marriage so I you know also that whole perception of people would see you and they think you are happily married raising a beautiful family don't also let someone take that away from me you're also deserving over Second Chance in love so don't block the doors of course right now it's a bit early but also keep the doors keep the doors open but most importantly no one deserves to be lied to nobody no no one deserves no matter how bad things were for him I think him making you take loans on his behalf raise the kids by yourself and I also know you are protecting a lot even right now in this interview so I understand that you are also human and forgive yourself good to feel silly but also forgive yourself yourself as we wind up what would be up you are parting shot to our audience and where can people also find you okay people can find me on Facebook Divina Swahili teacher yes uh LinkedIn I'm very active in LinkedIn because that is where I get quality clients even though these people will learn Swahili most of them are not in Facebook mostly LinkedIn Divina and garissa use my official names uh Twitter online Swahili teacher Tick Tock online Swahili teacher so they can always find me um my email Davina with an r or Gary gmail.com okay my number plus two five four seven two five six four six 544 so in case there is any Diplomat any Foreigner Kenyans and by the way I want to appreciate diaspora people Kenyans abroad Kenyans in Australia Kenyans in in America in London they really they are enrolling their children and I think they're the reason why I'm able even to put food on the table and that is all I need and I really appreciate them continue and I was also not disappoint you yes good job what would be your parting shots to our audience my parting shirt is um not always lost you know like um if you're not yet dead you you still you still have potential in anything you want to do yes if you're still alive you can do much then you can achieve much failing does not mean you know people fail the first time even the fifth time and the sixth time you you you you exhale so if you fail don't feel like it is the end of it wake up and um work hard and you'll be okay yes and give yourself as many chances give yourself many challenges you know these Hearts okay I wish God and get equator yeah yeah just for for breathing and other Organics but it's in life it is in life yeah yeah but me to wish you all are you I'm gonna do is wish you all the best thank you and thank you for being vulnerable it's not easy to do it's not an easy thing for you to come and even share your story and I just hope those open up for you your kids are still very much young with a bright future ahead of them so I can only hope that those open up for you and I wouldn't even add to more than what you've already said as long as you are live there is a reason so keep pushing come on keep pushing so may God guide you towards this journey amen Divina online Swahili teacher all right guys so thank you I would really want to get your views on today's conversation but uh once again to thank our guests for having shared at this story with us I only see sometimes when our guests sit here they are the bravest uh because they get to be vulnerable and they get to share your stories in the aim that you can also pick some few lessons here and there yeah I'm sorry it's out yeah still struggling with Homer but I would love to hear on the comment section guys what has been your experience matters love and what message do you have for Divina and her kids most importantly for us to elevate her the best way we know how emotionally and spiritually financially uh whichever way guys may always see whichever way you you feel is best to be able to elevate our guests go ahead and do it her contact details are right here social handles are also right here and of course if you want to share I would also want to just one day maybe sit with Joseph and also try to understand what happened but I can tell you people sometimes you really gotta learn people people are not who they really say they are they are not who they say they are so you need to be taking your time and also kianguka give yourself as many chances in life as possible we are all bound to make mistakes I keep telling you know and is a saint even me I will one day make mistakes but I'm human and so are you but most importantly what are we learning as we proceed in life what are we taking you know what they take home from all these conversations so do let me know on the comment section also if you want to share your story with us our email is right here info lnn.digital that's where we at you can always send a summary of your story and who knows sometimes it takes long but we will get to you when we are bound to get to you so be patient and of course to thank my incredible team uh don't get to do this alone guys I am supported by an incredible team who gets to put this work together our director camera person and also our editors we appreciate you and if you're watching this without having subscribed guys you are doing an injustice to this show hit the subscription button notification button on and do not forget to like this video and share it with your friends my name is Lynn goge till next time bye bye foreign [Music]

Channel: Lynn Ngugi

Views: 1,024,947

Keywords: lynn ngugi, Lynn Ngugi network, Lynn Ngugi show, Lynn Ngugi video today, Lynn Ngugi latest uploads, Lynn Ngugi latest video, Martha rena, tuck talks with lynn ngugi, tales of wanjiku, inspire global, mens desk, gala real

Id: ucj1o2GpQXQ

Length: 85min 36sec (5136 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 16 2023