The Other Perspective | Pastor Mike Fabarez | Stephanie Schwartz

okay so Pastor Mike now that our expectations are up yes over promise now I'm about to under deliver right now we we're here to hear about the other perspective I have another perspective and I would just like to begin by asking you we know that there are certain commands of Scripture there are certain instructions for women and for men and we read verses like Ephesians 5:25 that exhort men to love their wives as Christ loves the church and then we see things like in 1st Corinthians 7 33 where Paul talks about men and the fact that they'll need to be pleasing to their wives and we think loving us as Christ loves the church pleasing us how come we're not seeing enough of that those are verses we hope that you wouldn't read yes like what's with that why don't we yeah why why are we not seeing men wanting to please us the way we think they should well I do think men want to please their wives no yeah I do I think more than you give us credit for I really really believe that and even the non-christians will say things like happy wife happy life and there is something fundamentally basic and true to that and and if you want the other perspective which you've challenged me to bring you today thank you so much for that challenge that's gonna get me in trouble all right I'm going to I'm going to say that a lot of times men to have a trouble pleasing the women in their lives not just in their marriages but their daughters their mothers their co-workers oftentimes because we're not really clear what it is that would please you we have trouble with that and as I often say women need to work hard to state their desires clearly I say it a lot marital counseling I say a lot in a lot of context to state hurt as I was clearly I say that even in our prayer lives toward God and when I'm up on the platform preaching about prayer and I talk about stating your requests and making it clear I often have the agender in mind and it's not males yes because it's difficult it seems for women because they would love to have us read your minds which we're not good at we don't we don't do that well I know you want us to think a few steps ahead we're very simple right we may accomplish a few things in the world but we're not that complex and and we would like to please our website just think that's a fundamental basic truth if I know what would make you know our you know my assistant happy today my co-workers happy my wife happy my daughter happy my mother happened and they said hey here's would you do this for me Mike I I think me like most men would be all over that they sure absolutely I want you to be happy and it's it's true so I think we need to get better at stating very clearly what we want not hinting we read books magazines watch movies the road there's your problem right there that's the biggest main that really love us they just know what their script writers that that write all that it's true but why did we have to tell you yes because we're dumb and simple and not complex you should see the way guys interact with each other where when your guys aren't looking do we if we want something we ask each other first up clearly and we state it and that just needs to happen more often and I just think that's the challenge and I think you need to understand you want my perspective having dealt with a lot of folks that deal with women in their marriages in their relationships it just it would be so much more helpful to have a clear strategic resolved commitment to say here's what I would like and and sometimes stating that helps to adjust even what we're asking for just as I was preaching a couple weeks ago and prayer came up the topic I forget what it was and I think we went to Philippians for not making a request known to God and and I made the statement and it's true in my own life I see it in praying to God and telling him what I want that the more I get clear about here's what I want sometimes I think that's a dumb thing to want or that's a selfish thing to want there that's not really what I should want and so it starts to adjust even my own life and I made the statement certainly in our relationship with God who's perfect in our relationship with human beings are not certainly in your relations with all the men in your life are not perfect but in my relationship with the perfect God I recognize that God is having me adapt my desires and my will to really what it should be in more in line with what he wants and I think stating our desires clearly and thinking about stating our desires clearly it it helps to adjust even what I'm asking for changes my my thoughts and then you might recognize the things I intuitively expect these men to do for me if I really stated it or talked about it or wrote it down in a journal here's what I want you might say wow that's really not what I would at console other people to want from the men in their lives it just it wouldn't it wouldn't seem right not that a lot of it isn't it's just that I think articulating it has a lot of benefits to it well what about when we feel like our desire is a good desire and we do state it clearly and our husbands aren't as great as you are and let's say we don't get the desires that we state so clearly and they don't respond right well okay if every relationship you have is a fallen relationship every single one of them we're trying very hard if we're Christians to have relationships that are much much better than average but especially between men and women you've got to go back to the fundamental starting point after the fall all these things in Genesis 3 in the curse getting around to all the problems they're gonna have at work you know thorns in the ground you know our relationship with our enemy Satan and then it gets around as a relationship of men and women and it speaks about the fact that women are they're going to desire here's how the ESV translated their desires gonna be contrary to their husband and yet their husband will rule over them so here's this very strange arrangement of things which speaks to so much that God reveals later about the complementarian roles that we have and when it comes to church leadership or it comes to the home leadership God has certainly has complementary roles in that but that passage says it may be something fundamentally skewed in in the desires in a relationship between a husband and wife and men and women in general and I think we need to recognize that not everything that that we desire is going to be realized even if you had a perfect husband I think about that we said I want my husband to love me like Christ loves to church well how many things do ask Christ for and he doesn't do it how many things is Christ you say if you love me you would do this and then you find out three years later that was a dumb thing for me to ask for because I was so immature and asking for that I'm glad God didn't give me everything I wanted Christ loves us perfectly any ID makes us wait and he takes things away from us and he makes us suffer and he puts us through trials and yet I want a husband or I want a boss or I want a friend that's going to do everything I want them to do it's not going to happen that way it's the same exact arrangement of words in Hebrew in Genesis 3 as it is in Genesis 4 when it speaks of Cain God is speaking to Cain and says be careful sin is crouching at the door its desire is contrary to you right there's that problem of that that there's there's a battle of the Wills and yet even in that passage but you you must conquer it must rule over it that idea of recognizing the the disparity that's going to take place between men and women I just think we need to realize that it's like playing basketball with it with a bad knee you need to put a brace on it you need to be very careful you need to favor that and that means you're not out there acting like I got two good knees playing basketball this afternoon you have one bad knee and it started in the garden and it's going to be an issue of desires between men and women husbands and wives in particular it will be highlighted there exacerbated in a marriage but that's just how we're gonna have to function in a fallen world well you brought up complementarianism i don't know if everybody knows what that means you want me to explain that sure okay you could explain it as well as I could but yeah there are two views about men and women's roles and someone has got a car alarm that's going off a couple times and even if we can't fix the who that is we can shut that door that might help us not think about the car at the parking lot thank you so much or if that sounds like your horn which sounds like everyone it doesn't matter we've got triple-a on standby Wow that's coming through that door is it that's it didn't help any at all hmm complementarianism I guess someone doesn't want us to hear this yeah Wow yes maybe there we go thank you a gallant arianism and complementarianism two ways to look at the relationship between men and women and unfortunately the word of Galit arianism sounds so much better because the Galit Arianism comes from the word equal and that's what we want Hey it has nothing to do with the Equality of men and women in Christ or in Scripture because men and women are equal in Scripture we have equal worth equal value and we are we equally express the image of God all of that is equal but complementarianism and egalitarian is an issue of roles it really is is describing the roles in men and women's relationships in particular in the church and in the home and that is that we don't have equal roles we have complementary roles we have different roles you could say equal roles or different roles that's what the difference between egalitarianism and complementarianism and we're saying in a nice way I guess just because they're different doesn't mean they're not both equally important Christ is no less the king of kings and Lord of lords and worthy of all of our worship and praise and has all power and all authority just because he's submissive to the Father just because he sees a different role than he has in the in the in the Godhead than the Father and you know having studied this extensively in terms of evangelical feminism that that happy you necessarily have to destroy the relationships in the Trinity to come to a place of egalitarianism in the church and in the home there is no egalitarianism in the godhead it comes to their roles Jesus said I don't know anything and if I don't see the father doing it right he's submitting himself completely to the Father even when he receives the kingdom and first Corinthians 15 he delivers it over to the father there's this there's this submission in roles the distinction in roles between the father and the son and that kind of relationship we call the Galit arianism so God says as much as we you may not like it and you're gonna have a lot of feminists secular and Christian shouting in your ear that this is a dumb distinction we can call it dumb all you want but that's what the Bible sets up it roots it in creation and it says that's the way it's supposed to function in your home and in the church and if you want to buck that I mean we both have studied this extensively you do that to your own peril you do that to your own risk you do that to I would say trepidation on Judgment Day who's gonna stand before God and have to answer for what is very clear in his word so we have distinctive roles and we should get comfortable with that and recognize that that is the way God would have us function in relationships well if we are equal in value why do we feel that men don't value us as they should I mean you know again in the media we see all the time that women are seen as second-class that they're not given the value that they should have the respect they should have I mean do men really value women as much as men okay but it's not true it's not true because everything I could sit here all day long and show you that in media and in culture men are the idiots and the buffoons and they're always presented as such and the women have the solutions and the women have the answers unless you're looking at the remake of a 1950s superhero movie right it's usually a woman who is the intelligent thoughtful sensitive one insightful one who solves the problems and you want to scrunch scrunch that down into marketing firms making commercials look at how it plays out in a 30 second or 60-second commercial the woman it has has everything the man is the idiot I think of the HP commercial oh I always think of that one or the guy can't even plug in a printer and the woman of course can I have to explain how the world works to him that is how it works unless it's a commercial that's on ESPN directed two men right you're gonna have in society women are not demean they are not right it's a reaction it's like a lot of things this kind of reverse thinking that you know these are the victims and we're victims where the victim class so that's what we have to elbow our way up and and I have to say you know I'm a woman hear me roar and I have to be in charge that is a reaction not to reality right it may be something in history that you don't experience right no one's keeping you from college we have more college graduates that are women than men we have more people enrolled in higher education that women than men you have as many opportunities but just because you can't benchpress as much as a man right which is part of even the reflection of God's order in the physical build of men and women it does not mean that in our culture one are demeaned and I would say this just to speak for the men in the world if I'm thinking not in terms of this rivalry between men and women men really do appreciate women and I don't mean that in a sexual way although they do appreciate women in a sexual way but I'm saying there is something to godly men understanding the world is completely wrong without women being in it and without women being the the collaborative kinds of things that come from the input of females and and the feminine side of all things men don't want to work in a world without women they don't want to live in a world without women and it's not because they're they're Apes and have sexual passions that they have to fulfill I mean they may be that in part of their lives but that is not why you know most godly men would say this is a great side of life this is a wonderful side of reality you look at the the nature of God being made in the image of God the image of God he created a male and female that is the expression of the image of God and any smart thoughtful man is gonna say I recognize that intuitively and I tell the story about raising my kids and and and saying you know I can tell early early on they're not going to be gifted with celibacy and singleness so I'm recognizing even beyond the fact that I know the context for what I'm about to recommend to them in history because it's happened already he's gonna lead to romance and dating and engagement in marriage but I want them to not just hang with the guys I need them to take a girl to Starbucks and sit across the table and learn this amazing side of life you know and you don't have to be on your way to a wedding ring and and that again I get a lot of controversy about that I'm not my kids dating high school because we know they're not gonna get married fine you can have that opinion I don't want my kids hanging out the golf team and with their baseball team and never having the the opening of their minds to how great this entire site of the of the world is that God has created male and female and they're amazing and it's a different way to look at the world even beyond the whole this might be someone you fall in love with and get married to all forget all that you just need to learn the world doesn't look the way it looks with you and your buddies and I think that most men recognize that men are not demonstrative we're not expressed we're not going to say a lot of this out loud but that was the challenge of you bringing me here today just say that on behalf of the men of the world not a guy that where I work we have 100-plus employees here right there's not a guy I work with doesn't know that and wouldn't say that if I cornered them and told them you gotta tell me what you really think they're gonna say yes of course I can't imagine the world without women and the kinds of things that that femininity and that that female insight brings to the world so we do appreciate it and the world unfortunately has created an animosity and eminency hostility between men and women that frankly doesn't exist in the heart of most men you may meet a he-man right you know who hates women you might find some great well I can find way more men haters among the outspoken militant feminists I guarantee you that right now I guarantee you that put everything on that bet right now we got way more women that are ready to dismiss men in part because of a false narrative that they think that men don't like women right we think they're trash I think they're nothing it's not true we're not very good at expressing all that if you noticed that we're not great at saying all of that right and we don't like to talk much at all frankly but that's what we think right yeah well that's encouraging a little different than I think what we would have come into this thinking you know about the way that you as men appreciate us and value us and you know see the difference that we bring to the table for instance here and this again this may seem chauvinistic and sexist than all the rest but you set me up for this event so when you read in scripture things that are so natural in terms of how things usually play out the motivation of men to do much of what they do is motivated by the affirmation of women in their environment and in their world which is not just showing off its not just peacock feathers and strutting it's the true sense of the affirmation of a female is an amazing fuel and catalyst for doing what men do the world if it were all men and and and humans you know more men dropped off of trees and populated the world we wouldn't have I phones and computers or skyscrapers you know we just I I don't know that's an overstatement but I just don't think that would be the case I remember you guys studying through for Samuel and it was first Samuel 17 or 18 David gets back from defeating the Philistines and it says the women came together and they danced with tambourines and joy and a sang Saul has killed his thousands David his ten thousands that natural connection of the affirmation of those women joyfully with the feminine thing they bring to reality cheering David on for being what he is I know how David felt right and and it's why at least traditionally we had women cheering at a football game while guys were tearing down the field and and and there's something about that connection of being motivated and propelled if God took all the women out of the world right now and I'm not just how about the eight men of the world good and godly men would be deflated by that because you bring something to the table that motivates bring some of the table that encourages it affirms and and that's why your words of affirmation are so important you know your statements of affirmation your expressions of affirmation they're so important to pushing every environment where men are to the next level it's a good thing it's a godly thing Wow well I mean that seems easy in a sense to just choose to be encouraging and affirming to the men in our life rather than difficult but sometimes I think maybe you men don't realize all the things that we have to deal with I mean you don't have a proverbs 31:10 through 31 list I mean we got to stay up all night we got to get up at the crack it on we got to make our own clothes make our own pies we got to sell the stuff we got to bring in the money we got to take care of the kids I mean when you look at that as a pastor and as a man how would you advise that well listen that passage was given as a praise for one guy saying look at this wife of mine and all of those things I guarantee you and I can and I can't speak for all the men in the world because there are some weirdo men but I speak for 90% of them okay okay when you look at a list like that there are certain things that as we read it jumps off the page and gives us a different reaction than when you read it when you guys read proverbs 31 you're making a to-do list of all the things you don't do well things you got to do and stress out and do now I got to buy a field and make my own clothes and you have you know all of that we read passages like right she does him good all the days of her life or the passage I think is before that after she's closed with she's clothed with strength and dignity and in the ESV translates it and she laughs at the days to come which I don't care for that translation because I don't think this is kind of a ha ha ha it's it's the the NIV translates as she smiles at the future that positive sense of strength and dignity isn't standing there like a like a cleaning agent commercial with a mop in her hand with a sparkling floor right which is how you might picture that hazard right we're picturing it as she closed herself as strength and dignity right and she smiles at the future she's not afraid she's not she's not mopey she's not a negative oh woe is me you think of the passage when Jesus has Martha and Mary there and contrast these two sisters right and she says to Martha Martha Martha which again Jesus and Studdard so this is a statement of like really like right Martha yeah right you can you can read it that way you're worried and troubled about so many things okay now I know Jesus in that passage is trying to teach something about Mary choosing the better part which is to be at the feet of Jesus and he's the Messiah and all the rest but I guarantee you when Andrew standing around and Philip standing around and Peter's standing around they still are thinking Martha Martha I'd rather hang out with Mary right because Mary is stressed out remember the passage there's a couple of them and I think there's three of them in the Proverbs that talk about you know why men build man caves talks about living I'd rather live in the corner of a roof right then with a quarrelsome woman I'd rather live in a desert than the constant dripping of the of the quarrelsome woman and the fretful woman I think that's a good line the fretful woman right the counter distinction of proverbs 31 and the passage that men love the verse they love out of that that she smiles at the future she's positive she's enthusiastically positive even when things are hard she's positive she's joyful she looks at the future because she's strong and dignified Mary doesn't look like a strong dignified woman she looks like a troubled and worried woman worried about so many things right I can tell you speaking on behalf of 90% of the men in the world we don't like that right we don't like it at all even if you check off nine of the 10 boxes in Proverbs 31 because I got my house clean and I bought a field today and I turned a profit my kids are clothed well and everyone's in bed on time we'd much rather have our kids not bet on to bed on time we'd rather not get the dinner on the table we'd rather have a lot of things not in place and have a joyful be cheerful wife who smiles it tomorrow and doesn't sit at the dinner table go tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow gonna be terrible right and and we don't want that we don't like that in coworkers we don't like that in our friends we don't like that in our wives wanted in our daughters and we don't want it in our mothers we don't want that and unfortunately there women take proverbs 31 and give themselves fuel to be worried and troubled about so many things right that man I assure you had a wife who writes that in Proverbs 31 let me well I think is the author of that passage right and and he praised her and I bet if I came in with a white glove to look at the house that she's in and talk about what kind of prophet did she really turn here was it really he's doing what everyone does when they're really happy with a woman mm-hmm they look past all the bad stuff right they exaggerate the good stuff why because she's a happy person and it gets back again to that simple non-christian statement happy wife happy life the writer of Proverbs third one is a happy husband his life is happy in part because she looks at the future with with joy she's not afraid she's not anxious yeah it's hard though because it is hard is it not that's not it seems so unrealistic I mean we're trying to take care of kids and there's all the problems out there in the world things that are being shoved down their throats in public schools I mean all the ideologies coming into our culture I mean maybe we need to just inform you of how bad and killing is that's what we need the men in your world needs you to tell them all the bad things going on in the world no you've got it that's the perspective I think we all need floating and falling apart post more bad stuff on Facebook tell us more troubled problems at dinner I'd be perfect that'd be great that's exactly what I was getting at listen if everything that you fear and everything you post about online that by the way makes us look at your Facebook page and go whoa don't want to be married to her I hate to say it right but I'm speaking for 90% of the men in the world okay even if it all came true even if every single thing fell apart and the government was anti-christian and started locking up your pastors and putting them in stocks in Philippian dungeons I think we should then be really worried and troubled about so many things right did you see what I did there yeah right Paul and Silas are in a Philippian jail and what are they doing right they're clothed with strength and dignity and they're smiling at the future when they're singing songs of praise to God right in stocks locked up if everything you post about to get us all upset and everything you want to share with your husband at dinner tonight that would be absolutely if this happens you don't understand right right and all of it came true I'm just saying then I guess we can live worried and troubled about so many things or do we still live like Christians and say you know what we smile at the future everything in my life falls apart if everyone I love dies if everything I have gets diseased if everything I own I lose witness to be better to have people in my life that we're joyful would it be better to have someone that is positive and cheerful and optimistic and yet we make a sport out of seeing that negative side of things all right you can have as my old pastor said in premarital counseling you can have and he said it to me probably you can have a nice beautiful Porsche parked in the driveway right and if you're not careful all you're gonna see is the scratch on the fender you're gonna miss what's there we got stuff in our culture that is definitely alarming I get it we're not supposed to live as alarmed people jesus said in the end of time there's gonna be wars and rumors of wars be ready for that famines earthquakes breaking out do not be troubled hmm III just think that is the key you want to make the men in your world happy and I'm not just talking about your husband's thank your parents happy to make your kids happy want to make the men and you work with happy be a joyful person Wow don't be weighted down and troubled with all those things we not care make decisions Paul did not want to be in prison all wanted to get out he didn't want anybody else to go to prison but in prison he writes the Philippians and says rejoice in the Lord always I'll say it again rejoice let your forbearing spirit be made known to all the Lord is near that's a guy in prison the Lord is near yeah and I think a lot of women have an acceptable sin of not believing God not trusting God not believing in the presence of God being worried and troubled about so many things when the men meet for men's Bible study and the sins that are the proclivities for them come up they bow their head and shame they seek accountability and they feel bad about their lust than their pornography they feel bad about all that why because that's an unacceptable sin okay you guys have a penchant for sin that the Bible brings up and it starts talking about women worry anxiety fear trepidation troubled and worried about so many things and you guys go oh could you pray for me because I'm anxious I'm worried well I don't understand right you want to you want the men's perspective on things could you take your sins that you have a weakness toward take them as seriously as you want the men to take their sins take that seriously because you know what it does just as much damage to your marriage and your relationship with men as that does right when your husbands have torn up in pornography it does the same kind of damage that you coming home at the dinner table telling us about all the terrible things in life and how awful it's going to be and it really often has a kind of cords correspondence to your intelligence and I know you feel good about that because you see the ditzy blonde quote-unquote who doesn't you know she thinks everything is great that's why all the guys like her right she says it ditz right but you're smart like that you can point out the 25 things that are gonna go wrong this week right stop it right Paul was smarter than you are yeah and had more to be worried about in his society than you do yeah had more personal friends that were being it was suffering including himself being stoned and run out of town and yet he could sit there and sing psalms in the dungeon and he could be joyful and he could write letters saying be joyful if you're worried no no don't be worried don't be worried about anything pray about everything right that's that is the challenge of the females in this room because you are more prone to this than the average guy can't speak for all the guys because some guys are as worried as you are but I'll bet there's five women telling him how worried they should be training him to be worried right right so I just think we need to take the acceptable sins that women have seriously it's cuz you're you know yeah that's hard for us I mean how do we do that especially when we're responsible for our kids and we have so much love for so many people our family members and we just see so much potential negativity and harm I mean how how do we live in a way with a positive joyful hopeful attitude if you see the damage that the opposite has see the damage that the opposite has on your life it's not good right you're not an idiot to choose joy when you could be depressed you're not an idiot to choose to rejoice when you got reasons to be afraid right look at every situation of the women that are held held up as strong they go back to my passage right she closed herself with strength and dignity she laughs at the days to come yeah Abigail you study Abigail aníbal right yep you may say I got a lot of reason to be really depressed because I'm married to an idiot like Mabel okay the men in my life are all idiots like Mabel God can deal with the idiots in your life right did you study the passage we did and what was Abigail she was clothed with dignity and strength she comes out and she deals with the problem and she deals with David and you know what if she was just some kind of businesswoman and she's just gonna come out there and she's saying all the terrible things David never would have come back and said I want you to marry me I want you to be my wife this woman had to be the woman clothed with strength and dignity who smiles at the future right God took care of in a ball and and she ends up becoming this attractive woman to David not just physically which she's described as such I understand that but Tara I guarantee you a lot of men are gonna pass on an attractive woman with a bad attitude here is a one with a good attitude same with Esther right Esther had plenty of reasons to be down yeah and and she was told no you're you're here for a time like this and she's cold she clothes herself with strength and dignity and she smiles at the future and God gives her that whole opportunity to change the course of history for the Jews the Ruth yeah lost everything she's a widow she's dealing with her mother whose name is bitterness right right and she's like I'm with you man I'll travel wherever you want to travel I'm with you wherever you want to go go to Bethlem I'll go to Bethlehem with you right right and then she sits there and wins the heart of Boaz and becomes you know the the the the patriarch the matriarch of of King David I'm just saying all those women have plenty of reason to be on their Facebook page as posting terrible things right right but instead they clothe themselves with strength and dignity they smile at the future as the NIV translates it and that is the most attractive thing and the best thing you could ever do they're not stupid you can tell me any of those women are stupid they're described as intelligent rightly Abigail an intelligent woman I just we need to recognize the power of the positivity the cheerfulness the optimism the joy that changes everything what do you do going on every sermon I've ever preached on worry and anxiety go look it up Pastor Mike calm do the search and when you pull those sermons up if I stood on this platform or the platform I used to preach on and I'm preaching about those issues I guarantee you the gender I've got in view 80% of my brain is the women in the room so you want to know how to defeat anxiety and worry right it's all those passages yeah don't worry about anything pray about everything how's your prayer life make your desires known to God pray with Thanksgiving all of those kinds of things can change the way that you approach the negativity and speaking of Facebook let me take a shot at Facebook cuz you did that last year did you not we did I didn't get to hear it you preached on that social right yeah yeah you want to see one of the things that just makes women a mess controlling Facebook right I've got zero response from this crowd yeah no amens to that right hey I don't mind you gonna use Facebook thank you I don't care if you wanna use Facebook to you know post good things God's doing that's great but as people scroll through and click and click none of that's real anyway you realize and you get depressed and down and your life's not even close to her like stop it just stop it it does no good it lets you sit at the dinner table and go about well you know Ginny did this and Kim did that and did you hear about stop right we don't to hear any of that anyway right you don't care Yeah right we'd like to come and just have an enjoyable evening after a long day of work but that's what we need and and and every person I was just thinking that through just this week there's so many things that make all the difference and it usually falls into the category of that good attitude mm-hmm and that's I know that's hard I know it's hard right but we need that yeah well that's good I hear what you're saying but just to reclassify you know we do look at Facebook and social media and we do see pictures you know a lot of images and a lot of us are very visual and we see other people's families it looks like they have these great marriages perfect kids they're on these awesome vacations they have better clothes they're getting their hair done their nails done and you know sometimes we go home to may be disobedient husbands or you know kids who aren't being obedient or you know challenging finances challenging relationship health issues and we just feel like that can't be true for us we can't be held to the same standard as those who have such easy simple great lives but go back to my favorite verse in Proverbs 31 she's clothed with strength and dignity she smiles at the future rate all of that that you described is doing nothing but a road that possibility that envy right again it's another acceptable sin for you to sit there and click through things which is none of its real right I'd love to show you all the pictures that didn't get posted from that family all right and all the arguments that took place on that vacation and credit card bill that comes in after the vacation and they can't pay and a fight that they have over how much they spent all of that you don't see right you see this false narrative on on Facebook but what it leaves you with is that kind of the grass is greener on the other side their life is better than mine her life has got to be better than my life and it's nonsense when when Sarah even if it's true Sarah had a husband yeah Abraham that was being a bit like Mabel an idiot and and here's the example in first Peter she did the kind of thing she was supposed to do she was positive toward her husband which is more than just a statement of submission calling him Lord in other words she calls him curiosities he has a respectful positive attitude toward her husband without being frightened by any fear what you describe to me as you describe jealousy and envy and the grass is greener on the other side is nothing other than a kind of fear it's in the category of fear and that's just got to stop I mean whatever feeds that in your life whether it's magazines whether it's the gossip on the phone with your friend whether it's you know Facebook or Instagram or whatever it is you've got to cut it back and cut it out because we that is the problem that is what is causing so much trouble in your relationship with guys just is right yeah well I know the message that a lot of us are hearing is that if there's any pain or suffering or challenging situations in our life it's our responsibility to knock it out I mean we can't just sit there and you know be a quote/unquote doormat or allow difficulty to come in our life and if we do it's our fault I mean we have no one to blame but ourselves God's fault think about it that is God's fault and I'll say that because God has made it very clear in Genesis 3 here's how the world's going to work and have relational problems you have health problems you're getting to Ty you know problems at work all that's my promise to you God says that's the that's the current dispensation and the current reality of where we live so when all that stuff happens you could sing great as thy faithfulness why because God's keeping his promises not as keeping his promises for you to have trouble he's a faithful God he said he'd caused you trouble he's causing you trouble right right why does he do that because this world is not what it's about he's making you hungry for home which is not in this world and it's not a house in Le Gail right right the world that he has for us is in a different place it's got a house in Le Gil that's great I'm not I'm not in bashing Malaga I wouldn't mind living in LA you know what I'm saying is the idea of us seeing that this world is not our home right the the the Hebrews chapter 11 we are aliens and strangers here that's because we have sin we have death we have problems we have we have we have ailments we're gonna die there's cancer there's divorce there's financial problems all that is going to be a part of it and when Paul and Silas are praising God at midnight and writing letters to tell people to be joyful right it's not because God is out of control all right they're not pulling into the parking lot of Benny Hinn down the street Noah can you fix my life right because this is what God has destined for us and he is he's granted to you not only to have faith in Jesus Christ but also to suffer in his name that's the promise right he's granted that to you yeah so we're gonna have trouble so just recognize this if you're gonna go on a backpack trip with me I'm gonna go the High Sierras we're gonna go rappelling we're gonna go REI we're gonna get all the tools and get the car we get the rope we're gonna get the gloves we get the helmets off we're gonna go and you get in the van and you ride with me to the High Sierras because we're gonna go do this big backpacking five-day trip up into the mountains you don't expect it to be the ritz-carlton right you know what you signed up for and even you're a non-christian you should wake up to the fact that you didn't sign up for the ritz-carlton cuz the life life is not that and the Christian life it's even worse the hill is even steeper the mountains were rappelling off or even higher non Christians have to suffer with financial problems and relational problems and all the rest too so let's just stop thinking everything's gonna be perfect let's recognize it's not gonna be perfect in this life God has made us for another life I see us Lewis said if we have desires that cannot possibly be fulfilled in this life God must have created us for another life that's not a pie in the sky stooge writing that some Sunday School graduate that's CS Lewis he knew the realities of what the Bible says and what we face in this world he's a way deeper thinker than all of us and he's saying this is not the world we were made for so I think we just need to stop fretting if you take nothing else out of this other perspective just know how distasteful it is to be Martha Martha you're worried and troubled about so many things you just pretend to be joyful and watch what happens it might catch on right and every guy in your life is going to love it hmm I assure you right Wow well that's encouraging because that's something we can all make a choice to do I mean we can sit before God in our heart right now and say I'm going to make a choice to be a joyful person to turn aside from that worry and fretting and comparing and greed and envy and all those things is if you let's say you are asked I'm asking you to on behalf of the men here at Compass on behalf of the men in our community the pastor's here what what would you say if you could do these three things as women what would they be what three things would you like to see us do I mean just to summarize a positive outlook is I think the number one thing okay.thank affirmation goes a million miles okay guys aren't asking for it generally speaking they need it they want it what if we feel like there's nothing to affirm [Laughter] and this is morbid and awful but I've been in marital counseling where that is the response right and I say if he died in a car accident on the way home and his dresser was full of his clothes and his car was parked in the garage and his golf clubs were in the corner and all the things you thought you had nothing to be thankful for I bet you'd find something to be thankful for hmm I bet if you did if God took him away totally so every man in your life that's a dare and breathing there's something to be thankful for so I think the affirmation you're gonna have to find something right hey you're upright and walking yeah that's awesome yeah yeah I love that about you right that would be a good place to start yeah and just to know that guys often I don't know they they don't say a lot of what they want and need mmm and and not that they want to be peppered with questions they don't they really I mean they don't write don'ts go home and what do you need what do you want what do you need this that's not gonna be it you're just gonna have to you're gonna have to just recognize they're there really really simple right they don't need much they're not gonna ask for much either probably but they that positive optimistic affirming life is is I guess if I was going to add another to do why don't I just be to pray for these guys pray for them right right for them that God would give them joy that God would give them peace you know and and you may feel like a you know that oh this is a chauvinistic I don't know it doesn't matter I don't care I mean your life's gonna be happier mm-hmm with a guy that you know even you're not married with the guys in your life being happy productive people pray for them Thanks how can we be a benefit to you and the other pastors here at Compass be positive affirming and pray for me it's so easy that's it yeah that simple we are right know that it really occasional Abba zaba bar oh yes all I need totally yeah it's it's amazing because it's so easy and yet at the same time it's so hard we have two great against some of our tendencies to be that and yet this is uh this is doable for all of us so we really appreciate you coming out here and spending this time with us and we'll we'll see how the small groups go yes I'm sure that we have time for small groups today yes we do yes we're only six minutes over that's the scary part yeah we'll see how that goes yeah totally but we definitely appreciate arbic youth pastor for brunch no no I mean really you I know that there's you know much more you could have said and you made it very concise and easy for us and you know if we could just go home and have a good attitude and be positive around the men in our life and be encouraging be affirming and pray for those men I think that our whole church would have a different tone so I appreciate that very much I'm gonna close us in prayer and then you guys are dismissed to your groups after we pray thank you Pastor Mike God we thank you so much for this opportunity to gather together here as the women of compass this morning and to hear from Pastor Mike about the other perspective god I think for a lot of us this was probably different than what we were anticipating sometimes we're looking for you know a list of things to do and not to do or you know the the lineup that we see in proverbs 31 but to really focus on being women who are joyful positive upbeat women because we have a hope a hope in you Lord God that is something that we really want to become experts in and God I pray for myself and for every lady here god that your Holy Spirit would work with us that you would help us to confess our sin when we see it when we have these sinful anxious stressed out fearful thoughts coming into our minds and hearts that we would remember the example that Pastor Mike gave us of Paul and Silas their rejoicing in a prison cell god I don't know how we've drifted from that but we feel justified in being bitter and complaining and fearful and fretful about our circumstances and we pray God that you would forgive us God that you would help us truly to live in a way where we would model out the fact that we are women who truly believe that there's a coming Kingdom and our hope is not in this place but it's in the life to come god I pray that you would help us to be affirming towards all the men in our lives our husbands our fathers our sons our pastors here at church our co-workers the men in our community that we would be women who are constantly bringing positive and encouraging words knowing how much of a difference that can make and God I pray that we would also be women who pray who talk to you about all of these things continually trusting in you to help us to make us better and better women who are more effective tools in your hands especially in being encouraging and working alongside the men that you've graced us with and God I do pray that we would be women who listen to the men in our lives who would talk to them who would seek their input on different things many things and that we would really take their perspective into consideration god I thank you for our church I think you again for every lady represented here we thank you most of all for your son Jesus Christ who took the penalty of our sin including every fearful anxious worrisome thought action motive that we've ever had and nailed those things to the cross God if it were not for him we would be absolutely bankrupt and hopeless we thank you God that not only did he take our sins but he gave us his righteousness and when you look at us Lord you see someone who is holy blameless righteous you call us saints of God Lord we thank you so much for that and we will continue to always pray in Jesus name Amen you guys are dismissed to your groups [Applause]

Channel: Compass Bible Church

Views: 658

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: compass bible church, compass church, compass aliso viejo, aliso viejo church, compass bible church aliso, expository preaching, expository preaching church, biblical christianity, evangelical christianity, compass church hill country, compass church Tustin, compass church Huntington Beach, compass church treasure valley, Mike Fabarez, Mike Fabarez sermon, Pastor Mike Fabarez

Id: VKQSEI0P2t8

Length: 50min 31sec (3031 seconds)

Published: Wed May 08 2019