The Not So Secret Life of the Manic Depressive: Ten Years On

contains adult themes the following program contains content that may concern some viewers [Music] [Applause] Stephen fryers one of Britain's most recognized public figures he's enormous ly popular and successful welcome you to this most prestigious of prestigious events the orange British Academy Film Award he also has a mental illness the four million other people in Britain struggle with looking back on it can you think about what started it for you mean where did it start to go wrong just some feeling came over me that this was this was the end this was the time to bring the curtain down to finish there's nothing on earth to live for ten years ago Stephen made a groundbreaking series that explored this condition it's no doubt that I do have extremes of mood that are greater than just about anybody else I know I'm fully aware of a very awful person to be with I find it difficult to meet people's eyes I find it very difficult to connect people I find it very I just want to be learned and frankly speaking openly for the first time he encouraged others to do the same my father actually killed himself well just over there actually so it's not it's not the best but the programs had a huge impact and helped start a more open conversation about living with manic depression or bipolar as it's now called [Music] the series also urged that as a society we do more to help so 10 years on have we and do we understand bipolar better [Music] entire world is looking at you predominantly 70% like your full a lien Wow it is treatment for bipolar better he went to the doctors and he was prescribed some antidepressants of some sort one sent him worse than ever and the other he just was like a zombie so that we where had no feelings and no emotions and you know that was a concern for me is it any easier for young people now to admit they have bipolar shared on Facebook the response I had was just amazing never expected that and it was just so positive comments and messages and emails and how is Stephen Cobra a decade later you will have this the rest of your life in my view what you're not talking about is curing me I do think the medication will reduce their severity so ten years on is there a brighter future for those with bipolar [Music] [Music] four years ago Stevens bipolar life reached a critical point whilst he was filming in Africa I can recall interviewing a Ugandan minister who was a foaming frothing homophobe of the worst kind behind the bill in Uganda that was supposed to make homosexuality were a capital offense in other words the death sentence I'm good thank you my name is Steven it was a very passionate interview and I was very strong in my opinions and he was very strong in his opinions only having don't form what don't recruit don't encourage others to come in two years to do so I could go back to the hotel okay thank you thank you but I knew I had a bottle of vodka maroon and I knew I had a whole sponge bag full of ills and I paced around trying to analyze what it was that it disappeared from me and it seemed as though the whole essence of me and disappeared everything that was me was no longer that just some feeling came over me that this was this was the end and I just carefully lined up I don't know how many of those damn pills and drank all the vodka that there was there with the pills the next thing I remember was and on the floor an embarrassed member of the hotel is looking down at the carpet in the doorway it would you just got to get into a hospital [Music] it took two days to get Steven back to the UK he'd never been as low before he decided he had to see a psychiatrist it's easy to think that his slightly manic presentation is part of his personality we earned and therefore that what when he says he's done it's fake that somehow it's an act but that Uganda depression was clearly very deep I have a dim memory of arriving here and when you've arrived let me remind you in sorry that you're still alive yes I wasn't wanting to die and feeling that you should have died you know from two years ago when when we first met despite being very depressed you were also extremely manic in your speech you talked and talked and talked about what alive with the purposelessness of your life you know your skills meant nothing your talents seem meaningless and your future seemed hopeless hmm so it was valuable to put you on the a dramatic medication and to get rid of the alcohol back at that point and look at your mood state and I can remember that that I was in pain but I can't recreate it but I remember thinking it and I meant it you Steven the psychiatrist immediately admitted him to hospital had he not expressed willingness to accept treatment I would have applied for a section of the Mental Health Act at that point because I was worried enough about him to believe that he might actually kill himself we had somebody outside his door for most of the first day and night there were two very bad days and then suddenly you began just hitching her flight again yeah that's right right it brightened up very quickly very quick at the age of 56 Steven got a formal mental-health diagnosis of cyclothymia mood swings that lead to disturbed behavior but with the diagnosis came the medication and that immediately made him feel much better it's often said that early diagnosis is crucial to helping people live a happier safer life I mean that's what you say in the first series Stephen Beck Cordelia who was diagnosed at 22 after a distressing time at Oxford University I'm not going to be a lawyer or a doctor or something with my illness I can be Cordelia then 26 but struggling even with medication to manage her mood swings 8 inflated self esteem rapid thoughts and speech counterproductive simultaneous tasks yes that's about where I was when I was in hospital about 8 no I think Stephen what Cordelia tell her therapist how destructive bipolarity was to her dreams of becoming a writer what I had thought is that when I was depressed I would be able to write about being depressed but I actually can't I can't even write about being depressed when I'm depressed I can't really write about anything I'm never gonna be able to write again I'm never going to be able to you know go out and socialize again I'm never gonna be able to really do anything again I mean what does it say about you if you can't write she wants to walk out now the writing is something that I'm good at and fat so if you can't do that that's the final straw yeah first impressions ten years on seem positive Cordelia had written a novel and a daily blog charts her mood cycles June the 9th 2014 what you should be doing is resting regrouping sleeping but you're buzzing and you can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep when she's low she even gives a name to her depression she calls it the Panther November the 6th 2014 waking up late there's a heavy weight on my chest opening my eyes I see the pump the next to me one huge pore draped over me I've been expecting you I say I was 26 years old and I had this optimism that I would overcome my mental disorder and go on and live some much more productive life and of course I haven't done you know it's still dealing with my mental disorder every day of my life as is everyone else I know who has one May the 1st 2015 there's a wren flying around the house trying to get out and she can't and you're chasing after her trying to coax her towards the door and you've got to got to got to chase her out the wren flies into your mouth and down your esophagus and the flapping wings of the tiny terrified bird of beating in your head now and in your throat and in your heart and your heart beats too fast and your chest is tight it doesn't stop this is anxiety it happens when my mood is too high or too low or sometimes it just comes out of nowhere I can be in a safe place and suddenly the bird is flapping around inside my head and my stomach I have to leave wherever I am when she's depressed she is so totally negative about her everything she thinks that she's worthless her life is worthless she keeps saying why can't I just die and she has tried to commit suicide 4 times 10 years ago kotiga could still lead a social life going to London with her friend Naomi now in Iommi's life has moved on she is happily married and has a baby they still meet up but now I always sees just how much being bipolar still shapes Cordelia's life to me it seems like you're doing loads you're managing your blog every day and it's it's great yeah and you're working yes the whole two days a week you're maintaining a relationship yeah I am I am maintaining a relationship that's probably the main thing I'm doing do you still feel that you have as many highs yeah as well yeah that's extreme yeah really well yeah my eyes are a bit worse now I think it's cause roading all these new drugs in and it's like you know if it was sort of here's something that will make you happy and thin then that would be one thing but it's like here is something that will make you fat and make you sweaty and make you not be able to sleep we've got to have it and that's just not a very nice choice or not choice there isn't a choice yeah he's extremely hard on herself I can't stress that enough really she's achieving so much in her life with all these difficult things going on for her and the way that she feels and it's you know it's just never enough for her she's brave and courageous and all these things that she doesn't see at all it's ruined any chance she could have had of having the sort of life that her friends have when she's depressed she won't speak to them she won't return their phone calls she doesn't want to see anyone she just wants to be left alone and it's not a very good basis for a friendship really so she lives a very restricted sort of life really for somebody of her age two years ago that restricted life suddenly got much worse cordelia discovered she developed a major physical illness to a rash on her breasts Cordelia had ignored who's diagnosed as breast cancer which is now spread to her skin and lungs here we are at the hospital of death and cancer going down into its cans if my cancer in my lungs is better or worse ten years ago had everything to look forward to and now basically whether they slow it down a bit or not I'm terminally ill and I'm basically doing they don't know how long they don't know if it will or it won't but every time we thought there might be some hope it always turned out worse than we expected who can do I think we've just given up hoping for things now and we're just trying to as much wrong as we can [Music] almost every week Cordelia visits London zoo with her mother normally it comes but today her mood is changing her normal pattern is five months high three months low and she's starting to feel low again just feel really tired I expect you to [Music] just feel quite sad haven't got much energy finding it very difficult to do my basic things like going to the gym ly really just want to sort of be with my mum and yeah like now I just really want to sit down just feel really really really exhausted it's just as if a light is falling on it isn't it I can always tell I can't really explain it now cuz I'm actually just too tired well I think you'll just have to try and believe me when I say that in two months time you will be feeling much better let's hope so yes somehow I'm still live by that breast cancer doesn't annoy me all the time it's not like every day I think about it in the way that I think about my mental disorder every day it's weird it's quite really quite quite different [Music] depression is just worse than anything because it's you know it's a mental anguish and mental agony with her early diagnosis Cordelia knew why she had severe mood swings but clearly it's not helped her to live with them [Music] first even though his diagnosis of cyclothymia broad treatment that seemed to help but recently his behavior has been causing concern despite being on medication he's becoming increasingly Manning and his psychiatrist is considering a new diagnosis when I had that very manic episode earlier this year when I was hyper herbs changed the color shades of the trousers hanging in the wardrobe said that they went in one community proper sort of gradation and and I was being I suppose some people call it as you'd either forgive me but you're you talk rapidly and you always you have when you go a bit high just do you notice that speeds up and I I don't notice it as much as those close to me do yeah my sister does very clearly and will text me straight away after we've had a conversation on their friends and family you have sense that you've gone little high some people think that being high is a rather jolly happy great place but I think it's times it makes you quite distressed as well absolutely this particular time I was saying I think to you and certainly to my close friends and family I said you know I please don't send straight away for an ambulance but I think I know how Joan of Arc felt you know I think I understand some of this sort of in a radiant sense of absolute purpose and and complete confidence and drive and kind of connection to the entire universe it sounded absolutely TEFL when you think about it so filled with a kind of inner energy of that but that is so exciting they did the character I compared myself to is Howard Beale you know the posthumous oscar-winning performance by Peter Finch in the film Network he talks about being filled and charged with wither with an extraordinary energy but he refuses to believe his man he thinks he is a prophet and fortunately had I didn't get that go down that line do you think that that was one of the more manic phrases you've had recently definitely yes yeah two years ago when you come in you lose time you we were thinking about the diagnosis and of a mixed state so the cycle time is late and in the intervening period I think we would have to concede that you've had a manic episode certainly one yes and I think with that means we need to probably review the diagnosis yeah so that role event it being a cyclothymic disorder I think you have to accept now that it's a bipolar type one disorder right I think you do have a true condition you know and we've got to drink that appropriately I long clung to the idea that I was cyclothymic which is a sort of mixed state what marked it out for for Billy and I think had kind of come to terms with it myself was the increasing periods of mania and sleeplessness and restlessness which are of a different order to the busting energy that I sometimes have the lowering thought is is that it is getting worse in me and cyclothymia to bipolar one is a bad jump I will have to be more careful with myself thing I'll have to be less abandoned about about the way I live I need really to know more about what'll happen to me if I'm not careful this new diagnosis will bring new medication to help control Stephens mood swings one aspect of Stephens manic moments so far in which he is fortunate is that they've happened in private [Music] many with bipolar aren't so lucky their manic behavior is in front of us the public and the reaction can be brutal in June 2012 Alika a 21 year old budding musician in London took this train journey from dollars hill to Waterloo on board the train he listened to his music as always completely unaware that he was about to be seen by millions the man who secretly filmed the leaker from his phone uploaded the video that night onto YouTube within a day over two million people that watched the leakers moment the entire world is looking at you predominantly 70 percent like your fault there's a lot of hurtful things needs shooting black x-factor for these tunas talentless self-absorbed alien while humans what a mass of parasites I just remember basically that was the beginning of me going everything I want to run away things like this it's literally the strain let me just lock myself away that's it like his mum saw her son's mood change we had to see him he had less left's I realize this boy is not sleeping he's not eating he's not going to work this was one of the things I was doing in my room while I was secluded and this is like a baby picture I've got at the back of it I basically wrote what I thought was my will because I really thought I was gonna die the first thing that literally says is Alika you are not a bad person this is actually stains of water which was for my eyes as I was writing that so this is literally my direct is writing it in a darkroom I accept what's happening these articles of a few days of now went into a week into two weeks and I say something is not right here [Music] eventually Alika decided to take a dangerous step basically timed out memory I just wanted to get away from everything I was trying to be the endo and then my brother came in and he seen on my laptop died researched how to commit suicide and I think he thought I was bluffing oh it was all staged so I climbed out even more and I was basically kind of like right at the top and I was thinking um and I was pretty much ready to do it and that's when I think my brother I realized was real and that's when they called police finally I'm getting literally picked up and carried like a dead body down the stairs Hancock Samaras dragging me down in the most weirdest position like we're carrying him some 1d legs and it behaves so money hand and his screaming don't let them take me though other than thing um I'm not crazy don't let them take me under Schiphol screaming it out I was very frightened very fine alekhya was placed under Section in a psychiatric hospital for four months I've been explained and told that you have an episode of psychosis your guy every one of those times you don't know the difference between reality and dream and then all of a sudden in the last day oh yeah so we've decided you have bipolar I think theyíve is a type one despite the public humiliation of his breakdown and what triggered it in the three years since alica hasn't hidden away instead he's taken his experience of being a target of abuse and uses it to confront the stigma surrounding mental illness [Music] is a very hard thing to do I think the hardest minima is when you know that no one who really understand when you become the pass some sort of freak I know it sounds cliche but there's always that at the end of the time it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger I thought of it he's just another crazy guy in the Train yeah you get a lot of that in London but then after obviously you said it I was like oh you know that's that's where it hit and I feel guilty for laughing at you because I don't know why fools not to be in your shoes some of the comments were like extremely racist or extremely inhumane and extremely night- that he should die I said well someone was having a breakdown and singing out loud and that's you and they should die for that when you're you know maybe posting a comment you don't realize the effect that will have on the person you're commenting about yeah you know you think it's banter but to them it really hurts and it could it could keep them awake at night what you said but you know behind the computer screen you don't realize that you just think oh Lola I'm being funny but for me that's the subject quite close to my heart cuz one of my friends took their lives when you passed away it was an ass that was not trying to talk about it it was that I don't that tried to keep it like hushed and nobody wanted to talk about it like yeah you wanted to understand like but obviously we wanted to tell no one wanted to tell that they didn't want to tell us people use bipolar as an insult nowadays oh you're bipolar you know get your mood together stuff like that and so you you tend to stay away from people who you think on okay if we were educated about all these things we'd know that this is it is it is literally an illness the brain can get sick just as much as the body can get sick this isn't a choice people who have spoken with about this all been like my age groups and all the time they've just naturally become negative which is what I feel like a lot of adults do and I hope you guys don't do this don't judge a book by it's cover and so before you judge anyone or before you condemn anyone or like take part in mocking and shaming people just remember that I could be and that's it the Lakers decision to fight back against the stigma he faced is part of how he forged his recovery with the most serious diagnosis of bipolar one Stephens psychiatrist wants him to be aware of what might threaten his recovery I remember in a five-month period before you saw me you'd visit a twenty countries yeah you crossed three time zones and you were burnt out my bad yeah yeah and I understand you've now done a lot of traveling yes I last week I was in I went to San Francisco for day I did try me I landed out at 5 in the evening has a series of meetings till about 11:00 at night and have got up at 5:30 in the morning for an Francisco time and then all the way through the day till four o'clock when the flight back to London was and then flew to Chennai in India arriving there at 5:30 in the morning and then that that film II went on till 10:30 in the evening and next day was another 12 as a fact he was up I was up to midnight and then I had now to get back to the hotel back go to the airport is 3:30 in the morning flight back to him [Music] you think myself as an anxious person just the act of going out of the house I felt this kind of dead weight of anxiety on me do remember that with people with bipolar disorder especially crossing borders jetlag they're all pressures that can actually cause a disruption I'm going to say that they'll cause a breakdown they won't necessarily do that but they are stressors and you need to be particularly careful that you manage them properly because your sleep get disordered the most important thing for me now is to get solid eight hours and I know I went unless unless I have an ambien and diazepam or higher or an ambien and xanax so that's you in a way creating sleep yes if I take that and xanax and a good couple of vodkas I know I will get straight to sleep and I know wake up without feeling fuzzy or or in any way affected I want to pull you up on that because frankly that's what I don't think you should do it's not wise or safe to rely on he's self-medicating with Nicole remember our God is a very powerful drug it is also a depressant you know on an antidepressant and frankly if you take an antidepressant with one hand and a depressant or the other there meet in the middle of your brain in her a bit of car crash and little bits go in everywhere and that would mess up your thinking so you will be able to use onct in the morning what can make you high as I mentioned Stephen regularly travel sleeplessness not taking care of yourself poor exercise and of course drugs and drink if you drink a lot or use cocaine or use stimulant drugs you may drive yourself into this condition because you're already predisposed towards it so there is an interplay between what you do with your life and the condition you may have inherited or you may have developed many people like Stephen self-medicate their condition with alcohol and drugs to have them deal with their moods at the same time they are often very reluctant to take the medication their psychiatrists have prescribed for them [Music] they hate the side effects and try to manage their lives without medication that lets Stephen to his crisis point in Uganda it's brought Scott Martin a chef in Lincolnshire to a crossroad in his marriage and his job had a bit of delusions where he's like an obsession with Annie Lennox Thursday night and completely lost touch with reality and really frightened me I was listening to his songs and I believe this as I hidden messages in the songs just for me particular lines and the songs that forward us that's me we just saw a weird time travel to now and that he was actually the age that he is now but in the eighties this one all real to him she's also being put on this earth to to write the song for me and it all adds up and you know this is this is how I am it's what far as me mainly because he he lost touch reality and I'm telling him that this isn't true where mum would that one day you're gonna wake up a figure some sort of angel know if he does believe he's an angel and he could fly would he actually attempt to fly but this is sort of why I want him sort it now I've said to him the last time he was in a real bad place I sort of said if you don't get saw it you're gonna lose everything could be like a bear on a morning shift and then in the evening when he came comes in completely different raring to go for the last five years Scots held down a chef's job here but only just and only because his boss and determined to help the difference in temperament within us 12-hour six hour span was quite marked really it changes from empathy to then like beans [Music] don't check wait up public he slowly loses all these friends because he's sudden outbursts on some people that can have such an impact they'll never speak to him again so yes Park Bench materialists where he could be Scott's family life is no easier his mania is making him so anxious he simply cannot enjoy going out with his wife and children I can do this I love I can do this I just look around and think we lose that there and do a know them and does it look busy but to me it just seems like loads of people I can hear everything to say and it's just it's just you know it's just too much food nervous and worries and people stare and I suppose and paranoid and all of it listen the first time that we've gone anywhere and he's ended up sitting in the car on his own while I've gone off and done whatever with a can see sometimes he thinks yeah I'm gonna try and do this and I am gonna do it and then he gets in he can't you just can't make yourself doing it Scott's increasingly disturbed behavior has driven his wife to breaking point Haley said he had his clunk I want no more if you know wanting to help yourself you've gotta go and take something basically I mean it's like a an ultimatum of it's either this or nothing really so Scott now finds himself back at the psychiatric clinic he came to over a year ago then he was put on medication but after just a few weeks on the drugs he came off them he was very anti medicine because he told me very clearly that taking medication from a psychiatrist is very stigmatizing for him he didn't believe in it we discussed about a lot of treatment options and I told you to go and either read about it I haven't gone through that yeah also pick one more particularly interested in sir and she peels for me the most so lithium yeah good lithium is a very strong very powerful very well established very evidence-based mood stabilizer yep how it works even now in 2015 we don't know okay it works very well goes to your brain and they altered the mechanic and within a week or two you'll feel that mood gets stabilized yeah but like any other chemical that we use it also have side effects some people feel that they have some weight gain I mean awesome fish if I may sir yeah so we'll talk about it yeah yeah so known as like a zombie jerk you know now's my big issue with I mean you've covered no I don't think people called you that zombie feeling yeah but I looked through all of the drugs available they all had these side effects I think you just have to learn that the side effects are gonna be there but you've gotta give it to patients too calm of it but last time Scott didn't have that patience within a month he came off his meds because in his words he felt fat and like a zombie the complaint voice fight men who have been put on antidepressants and mood stabilizers the question is will it be different his processes were a little slower than he usually moves about which I thought was the worry of him taking this particular drug as well but a week were had no feelings and no emotions and you know that was a concern for me because I was quite an emotional person and suddenly realized ways like to have no emotion that you think there's something wrong skaars has retreated into his own company and in the second week of his medication discovers another worrying side effect sleep in nightmares and I was awake and asleep it was frightening to think well is this gonna be like this for every night I go to sleep towards the end of that second week he's staying up til early hours in the morning because I think he was scared that he was gonna go into it again so it stopped himself going to bed I was just wondering about when he stand on his own at night if he's not well he didn't ought to be left on his own even though he tells me he wants to be in his own he doesn't really I know he doesn't really it's now six weeks and Scott is still on the meds his psychiatrist wants to do a follow-up assessment so let's talk about what are the good thing that had happened to you what what it was do you think that it happened I think the positive things I feel a bit more karma bit more able to be in social situations and perhaps the minds clear as well that's the big thing for me I've not been overthinking things have you noticed any tune in your sleep patterns yeah initially I was I felt as if I was staying awake a bit more and I had a few like like a nightmare ty Simpson it was kind of like I was awake in my sleep and it sort of put me off going to sleep so that I was staying up but that's past now yeah I mean I was probably 2 or 3 weeks into it so on a scale of 0 to 10 if Judah was where you started and Kenny's very well where would you producers now six seven six yeah that's really impressive there took to me well you know over medications I did have my faith in but this one just yeah I feel more myself but there is a sting in the tail for Scott to build on the success of lithium so far dr. Shah once got to double his daily dose I need the warmer dosage because my levels are quite higher and so he wants to stick me on to 800 another 400 well they're not get worth with it being a double dose you never mentioned so I've got to see how it goes well just now when you first started take them you felt quite poorly for starting yeah yeah well cut that up and again potentially I'll say I feel well so if an have any pops of his contacts in farm outside again you can say this now cuz you've been good just lightly when you're not good will you still be saying the same then will you be telling me off because I'm interfering and controlling and won't see what were you that's why I say well hopefully it won't come to that okay common kids I can jump in Scott then surprises Haley by agreeing to a trip to town with the family [Music] oh my own plays but it was sweaty but hot hands keep following daddy I think they've definitely noticed that that is caramel any happier and you know happier to be around us all and I was all together and I think he does try to do it I think it's still there eating away at him you know the anxiety of it all but he just tries to do it and tries to control it I do think that he could do this if he really wants to do it but when he's low he's not himself he's not always like in control of what he's saying and what he's thinking and that's when I'm worried that he'll so now I'm not doing it anymore I believe then lithium works better the longer you've been on it so we're talking not years not weeks or days I don't think it's the beginning the birthday early but hopefully he'll get get through it when Scott was first diagnosed heavy thought this was a breakthrough Scott's behavior would improve now she realizes it's an illness he and the family will have to cope with for the rest of his life and Scott will have to accept taking medication as a vital part of that there is no guarantee for the condition easy in terms of just reminding me of how serious this is this was the suicide of Robin Williams a man of such extraordinary grace and kindness there's a myth around that many people are all very happy people they're often not and having to be the funny person in the party and and the one that everyone relies on to be the life and soul is very exhausting for a lot of people and that's why some comedians and some very funny people become extremely depressed when they go down and often of course suicidal and there are as you know many comedians who have actually killed themselves it reminded me that this is not a condition is ever going to go away that what you're not talking about is curing me you're talking about how best I can cope with something that's going to live with me Robin Williams's death just reminded me he's older than me and that these things these guys don't go away no but I think we can do lots to reduce the risk of anything you know awful happening to your thinking drives you towards doing something to yourself but I think you're right you will have this the rest of your life in my view no we will do what we can to reduce the frequency of the attacks but the tendency is for as people get older for the interval between episodes to shorten slightly but with good treatment we can make that as manageable as possible I am more alert now than I've ever been in my life to my own wounds but it's never gonna get off my back this monkey this this is always going to be there and no matter how things seem to be going well one day there's always the possibility of just me getting it wrong [Music] Stephen now accepts just how dangerous his mental illnesses managing it going forward is a daunting prospect but Stevens in his 50s for a teenager discovering their bipolar means decades of treatment and a life change forever three months before literally no sign of anything I was just no one would have suspected six years ago Rachel Edwards lived in this Norfolk village she appeared a happy teenager but she wasn't it would be kind of like at nighttime when I'm on my own and I used to like cry and stuff cuz I just felt so low but I didn't know why and she had a couple of jobs she worked at the swimming pool here there's a lifeguard and she worked also Neal people's home did cleaning and she suddenly started getting really sort of tearful and tired and I said you're overdoing it looking back we just thought oh she's just overworking she just wants some money I was very very low for about a week and I couldn't stop crying I didn't know what was wrong with me and then suddenly my mood started to elevate while I was away on on a college trip to Amsterdam when I was in Amsterdam I went to an art gallery and I was looking all the paintings and the letters he'd written and I had an idea that I was van Gogh the ferry trip back to England but Rachel decided she could control the weather she was found on deck screaming at the store [Music] her parents were called to take her home to move that weekend worried about leaving her they brought Rachel with them to their London flat I got her into bed and I fell asleep and then she had got up while I was asleep and that's when it happened got dressed in like a nice outfit put my bag on done my makeup and went out onto the balcony and there were some helicopters outside and I thought that they were there to fill me coming out on the balcony and that they were going to fill me flying because I felt like I was like really special person and then I got up because it was like a high ledge and stood on that and jumped I woke up and she wasn't there and it was kind of like where she thought she'd be in the kitchen or something she couldn't get see and I went and of course the door was open the balcony door was open and I rent no when she was sort of screaming down the bottom huh mum said I was screaming I don't want to die I don't want to die so no intention was suicidal when I was like this it was just I was just very confused the fall of fifty feet broke Rachel's back and she spent months in hospital it's weird because I can move my legs so you wouldn't think I'm paralyzed but I'm actually paralyzed from here down when I got told I'd never be able to walk again that was just the worst feeling ever thought my life was over the hospital diagnosed Rachel's broken body but not immediately her broken mind perhaps not surprisingly because it usually takes between seven and eight years of people exhibiting really troubling behavior before a true diagnosis is made so Rachel left hospital still manic 18 months later she had a second episode this time her friends saw it coming well mum found this earlier on this whole folder this is some of the stuff that I did I remember disco manic with the colors and the pens it just doesn't make sense it just shows how random yeah this was my head if you know I mean just all these things all at once you did go really childlike yeah yeah second episode was coming it was really excited yeah when I got ill the second time did you worry like that I was gonna have another accident or something I was really worried you were like rolling around on the floor in the supermarket I don't even remember this we just stood there and cried I think he doesn't like just because it was such a shock it was something what's happened Rachael's behavior became more and more troubling until one night she decided again to jump I still had these feelings that I be able to fly despite everything that had happened to me I went upstairs one night and I got dressed up again and I thought someone was sitting outside my window and I was gonna fly off with him I went to bed and I thought okay I'll do it later when everyone's asleep I went to bed and luckily didn't wake up until the morning and then I had different ideas by the morning it took that second attempt to jump before Rachel was formally diagnosed bipolar and prescribed medication despite that she still has severe mood swings and his judged at risk her mental health nurse wants her to agree to being sectioned if her behavior becomes extreme again you know if things got really bad we would actually I don't know what your thoughts about using the Mental Health Act as a last resort yes for you but the mental health that would be where if you felt I'm not going to go into a spittle I'm feeling to great things that things are amazing and I was really concerned about knowing where this could lead in terms of you elevated mood there yeah we could sit in having in hospital for a little while until we can get you back stable again as you get low I do get the ladies don't say last time but I try and get myself out of them mmm we only to watch both ends of this patient over mm-hmm hopefully that won't happen but ya know not because we've got all these other things in between to prevent that but we have to talk about their last resort yeah yeah we need to take steps to ensure her safety and if rates was gone beyond the point where she would come in for a voluntary admission and has lost capacity due to the mental states then then we need to protect her from herself and so we need to get her into hospital where we can stabilize it and get it back to her normal self as quickly as possible [Music] didn't I plant some blackberries blueberries the blueberries yeah they died I was telling dad last night yeah if I was to get ill again bringing me up here would probably be the best thing yeah that's very therapeutic very brave and she died a lot a lot of pain you do question why her you know she don't deserve it but up to us is it how these things happen ly they just happen knowing now she's bipolar phases Rachel with a familiar challenge familiar that is to the mentally ill people don't understand mental health or they don't know about bipolar and I thought if I told people the truth that I jumped off the balcony because I thought I could fly then people just gonna think I'm absolutely nuts which is why when people ask me I just say oh I fell off a balcony but one day I saw the Mental Health Awareness Day on TV and it just got me thinking and I just decided to write a blog about it about about my accident and about mental health to raise awareness really shared it on face but the response I had was just amazing I'd never expected that and it was just so positive comments and messages and emails encouraged by the reaction to going public about being bipolar Rachel's now determined to take her experience to those who most need help she's training in Norwich to be a peer support worker for people with mental health problems so far that helps somebody directly hearing how you do they might feel more open and hearing our story the other week on one of the workshops I was chatting to a lady afterwards and when I left this is she said you've actually really inspired me and that was really nice because that is gonna be part of our role really to to inspire three months later she got what she never imagined would be possible again a job actually getting a job to me is massive and my older brothers actually said to me after my accident one day you're who use what you've been through to help others I didn't really ever think about it but now I'm doing this kind of feels like I am meant to be doing it being open about a mental illness is now central to how Rachel lives her life and how she intends to survive with her condition I didn't lose any friends they they gradually brought me back into the world and they'd come round see me sit with me while I cried [Music] they don't feel sorry for me they just include me and everything [Applause] we've been to festivals even though it's hard in the mud getting around they always they always including nephron which is what you want really out I wouldn't want people feeling sorry for me because to me now I'm just I'm fine ten years on it's still difficult for people who are bipolar they struggle to take medication to get quicker treatment and to live with stigma and the fear of it but as Steven knows people like Rachel show a way forward the triumph of spirit over misfortune he hopes we get the message I'm very proud of the fact that as president of mind it's more talked about politicians talk about it more you know it's in the culture more and it's understood more and it's extremely pleasing that so many people do make a difference and care about it as always it's the young who are so much more sympathetic now there are generations before the so much better informed and that can only increase you have to find a way for us as a society to value everyone including the mentally ill and in fact the vent the mentally ill perhaps more than anyone because there are submerged minority but a huge one and their difficulties make life harder for them to deal with and to find the right way through they really do [Music] [Applause] [Music] you if you require further information or support on issues raised in this program please contact one of these services beyond blue one 302 two four six three six lifeline one three one one one four

Channel: Darren Gal

Views: 289,041

Rating: 4.8213148 out of 5

Keywords: Stephen Fry manic depression, Stephen Fry bipolar disorder, living with manic depression, living with bipolar disorder, living with bipolar, examples of bipolar disorder, examples of manic depresssion, examples of mental illness, examples of psychotic mental illness, living with psychotic metal illness, examples of people living with bipolar, examples of people living with bipolar disorder, the not so secret life of the manic depressive, dealing with bipolar disorder

Id: 9NJEA9t4vs0

Length: 57min 16sec (3436 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 07 2017