The Narcissist's Double Life: Pathological Cheating, Hiding and Lying - The Psychology

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how often do narcissists live a double life that's what we're talking about today Queen being calm let's get started [Music] my name is Nikki I can spin out on this channel I have for free daily video coaching to help you discover understand and overcome narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships I like to call it toxic relationship rehab that sound good to you if so hit that subscribe button and let's get going so we always hear about narcissus cheating but how serious does it become well there's almost always a double life factor with the narcissus whether it's cheating related or otherwise but why do they do it and how do they do it what's it all about let's start here if we're honest with ourselves we can admit that most narcissists seem to be looking for something they're looking for supply they're looking for love they're looking for well maybe a different kind of love and we're looking for but they're looking for something right sure they might say they want love and caring and hope and all this stuff but in the in reality they feel very uncomfortable if they ever find anyone to love them which is probably part of the reason you ended up where you are right now being in love with a narcissist is difficult but for a narcissist being in love isn't really the same as it is for other people now if they were really digging into it if they were really trying to feel what love is all about they would have to admit they're terrified of it and the reason in my opinion that they're so terrified is they're afraid that if they allow themselves to let go and love you for real you might leave them almost every narcissist that I've ever known has had a serious fear of abandonment and so they tend to doubt your authenticity even if you've been with him for 35 damn years they tend to pretend that you're not authentic or believed that you're not authentically there for them they devalue you because you love them it all comes down to the fact that because they know they can never live up to anyone's expectations they also think that other people can't live up to theirs and the truth is as we've talked about before narcissists don't really like themselves very much and so they project their negative qualities onto you but how does this what does this have to do with them living a double life we can look at this from a few different angles first of all love feels on to a narcissist and that's why it seems like they're always looking for a better supply they prefer to be admired because to them add admiration feel safe it's earned you see it's earned whereas love is is given even though in my opinion love is also earned a little bit but since the narcissist earns admiration through in their opinion they're different you know experiences and their different credentials and their different accomplishments they feel a lot safer being admired and that is part of the reason that some narcissists do the whole double life thing they want to seek attention as we all know but also admiration from a wide variety of people they would rather have a whole bunch of people admire them than be loved by one person the fact is that narcissus is live in a big fear filled mess of a world they're always afraid of being exposed they're always afraid of being abandoned and they're always afraid of losing control this leads them to kind of live in a constant fight-or-flight mode so they're always on the defense they're always unable to let their guard down and as a result they don't really find themselves attaching to people in a healthy way which means that inevitably they destroy the relationship which is unfortunately with a narcissist unavoidable unless you're really willing to hold on tight some narcissists are very aware of the fact that they are living a double life and that they're hurting you in that process or that they potentially could hurt you in that process others such as the less self-aware narcissus the covert types more often they have no idea they don't know they're narcissistic and they don't know that they're hurting anyone these types go through life thinking everybody else is the problem blaming everybody else for their bad behavior even even if you've got a whole bunch of evidence against them they will blatantly deny it and call you crazy and tell you that you know you don't know what the hell you're talking about even if the evidence directly points to them they will still attempt to manipulate the situation in their favor and this will be without even knowing what they're doing it's almost subconscious for some narcissists but they're wired to act a certain way and that's partially selfishly they can't admit that their abusers in fact they will actually flip the switch and say oh you're abusing me they blatantly Curtis they rage against you in public sometimes not always but sometimes they directly insult you and they give you the silent treatment if you criticize them or they rage back but here's the thing they don't wake up in the morning and go hmm who should I victimize today these types it's all about how they're wired what it all comes down to is that the narcissist is always looking for a better source of supply the admiration not love the attention all of these things put together often cause them to lead a double life maybe they've got a good source of supply at home but they still feel like they need some more supply they need maybe they're at home supply doesn't quite you know do every little thing they want but inevitably these types will go off and some narcissist will go in flirt they will always have a crush of somebody who isn't their main source of supply they will become addicted to pornography they're very susceptible to almost any kind of addiction to be honest with you they will have online Affairs with people because it satisfies their need to get attention get admiration and as long as they keep it online they're not technically speeding of course those are your more ethical narcissus but in reality if their significant other believes that cheating includes online affairs well then they're cheating in my opinion it does an emotional affair in some ways is almost worse than a physical affair what do you think share your thoughts below would you rather deal with someone who had an emotional fare an emotional affair or a physical affair I personally think they're both horrible and painful but what an emotional affair somehow be worse because of the fact that it's not just about the physical it's about the mental connection that as you probably understand most support most people who are with a narcissist are desperately creaming an intellectual or emotional connection to that person and to find out that that person is giving their emotions to another person might even hurt worse than a physical connection a physical cheap cheating situation what do you think when someone is a narcissist and they're not getting what they considered to me enough attention at home which may or may not actually be the case they find themselves feeling super lonely super desperate for attention and that's when they they need someone to sort of adore them they might even say to you why don't you adore me you know and and how could I adore someone who attacks me all the time right they have this idea of what the perfect person is in their head and unfortunately that person doesn't exist in real life but the fantasy of it can make it very hard for them to get along with the people who are in their real lives and quite often they end up going out and hooking up with somebody else just because they need that attention that admiration and because it's so easy to be perfect for someone you don't live with isn't it that's why a lot of these times they a lot of narcissists end up in double life situations with people in long-distance relationships because when you only see each other once a year or once a month or even every weekend it's real easy to be perfect it's really easy to be perfect from far away but narcissus now puts everybody in their own little compartments all the little pieces of the narcissists life in their mind are in different compartments they compartmentalize their lives and they do this to keep their important relationships separate from one another this way nobody finds out about anybody else and there's no drama unless they want drama it is how the narcissist manages to put you in the silent treatment for as long as they do because they come part mentalize that relationship and of course they expect you to just be there and stay there and wait for them forever while you're in your little compartment of silence of course while the narcissist is giving you the silent treatment he or she may be over there with another source of supply you know love bombing or hoovering or whatever and when that gets boring they might swing back over to your compartment to see what's up with you and see what they can get into right are they just pathological liars is it possible that this person that we thought we loved could really have no problem with living this bullshit double life they're talking about how do you just walk away from somebody you've been with forever and reject them like it meant nothing narcissus don't know how to put a handle on their emotions and so what they do is they just focus on the ones they're good at you know anger nothingness rudeness basically narcissists see everybody as equally important or unimportant in their life so their wife or husband will have no level of no priority above their coworker or the person they're cheating with or whatever here's the harsh truth basically you mean nothing to a narcissist or at least nothing more than any other significant person in their lives everyone in a narcissist life serves a purpose it could be you it could be the person who checked him out at the grocery store this morning it could be her co-worker it could be his you know long person or whatever it doesn't matter everyone's on an equal playing field with a narcissist and that is below the narcissist for the most part everyone serves a purpose and if you dare to stop serving your purpose in any way shape or form well the narcissist I'll just give your job to somebody else or stop wanting that thing done for them this is why narcissists tend to switch jobs very quickly or quit jobs very quickly or walk out on their kids without even thinking a second thought about it or get a new cell phone number every five minutes or tell everybody a bunch of lies about you all over town and they come love bomb you the next day or leave marriage after 20 years or cheat on you with your best friend or make promises over and over only to break them over and over and you fall for them because you love this person and you're doing your very best to make anything work it was never about you it was always about the narcissist you're not crazy you're not weird you're not bad the narcissist is one messed up person if your narcissist is living a double life a double wife get that hell out of there it's no you can't ever compete for their attention because it will be short-lived even if you get it and do you really want to have to compete for the attention of someone who claims to love you ever for anyone I don't fact is we're human and we're all human and being a human means we have to deal with certain amounts of okay sometimes we lie to ourselves sometimes we lie to other people mmm sometimes we lie to both narcissists oh they commonly have secret lives double lies and it could be relatively harmless but the fact of the matter is regular people like you and me we might have little secrets right like we might say we're on a diet and really eat ice cream or we might say to our spouses you know I only spent $20 on this thing and really have spent 40 these our little secrets probably should be more honest but who are we really hurting her right but some people feel really unhappy or trapped in their lives and narcissists are habitually miserable on purpose I think they need to break free they need to find a way to change things all the time you ever notice how a narcissist even though they hate change that they didn't create they're always looking for new exciting things do you feel like you have to entertain them a little bit sometimes narcissists are all about the secret double life they don't care who they hurt they don't care what happens they just want what they want when they want it and that's what it's all about there are certain signs you're gonna want want to watch for when it comes to dealing with the narcissist who might be living a double life so here are a few warning signs for you their behavior is different they started wearing different clothes or they started going to the gym when they never had before they carry around something or that you you smell strange things like in their laundry or in their on their person different smells than you have before maybe they have unexplained expenses or they spend a little too much time on the computer where they didn't before maybe suddenly they're staying out late saying they're working or not explaining what they're doing starting fights so they can leave the house stuff like that sometimes it's just a sense of intuition that you get and watch them while they're with you or they daydreaming sometimes thinking about you know kind of off in their own head when they weren't like that before are they suddenly hiding their phone or you know they have a passcode on their phone now where they didn't before watch for the little signs like this this is going to help you know if your significant other is living a double life all right this brings me to the question of the day do you know a narcissist who has lived a double life and how did it affect you if it did at all let me know your thoughts and your experiences share them in the comments below you never know you might another survivor to realize they're not so alone after all alright that's all I've got for you right now thanks so much for being a part of my life and a part of my day and hey thanks for let me be a part of yours there really does mean a lot to me I'll see you soon it's my mission to teach others what I know to be true you really can create the life you want take care of your body take care of your soul nurture the real you and introduce him or her to the world be comfortable in your own skin and in your place in this world take your spot take it now and the universe will take a sonic you are you you feel me if so subscribe to my channel let's get it done together

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Channel: Angie Atkinson

Views: 120,163

Rating: 4.9245281 out of 5

Keywords: narcissistic abuse recovery, npd, gaslighting, trauma bonding, narcissists in relationships, certified life coach, love bombing, escape narcissistic abuse, signs a narcisssist is living a double life, double life, narcissist double life, cheating, hiding, lying, pathological liar, invalidation, angie atkinson, cluster b, cheating narcissist, caught cheating, cheaters, husband cheated on me, why men cheat, causes for infidelity, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic personality disorder

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Length: 13min 43sec (823 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 28 2017

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