Hi, Wonderful, YouTube family Lisa a [Romano]. [the] break through life coach and today I want to talk about some of the tools that we can use to help us arm Ourselves against the narcissist [that] we bump up against in our lifetime and if you're codependent [or] you're an empath you are a magnet for people who can't see you And I think that's because [it's] a codependent and an empath. We are so hyper vigilant and so worried about what other people think and we can't help ourselves, but feel what other people [feel] and that ability although beautiful and helps us be really human and Allows us to connect to other people can be exploited by people who lack [the] ability to Feel what other people feel and generally in terms of their own psyche their personality they don't care They don't care how you feel they have an inability to feel what you feel and so for this video I want to talk about the narcissist secret weapon and the Narc is and the narcissist secret weapon and remember narcissists are There is them they fought there on a continuum. You know there are different levels of Narcissism and so The worst are antisocial personality disordered people who have their sociopaths and psychopaths and then we have [narcissus] that we bump into in the grocery store every day And so it's important to understand that no, [narcissist] has to be exactly like another narcissist [and] so as you go about your day and as you think about people in your life, and You know your family members [and] spouses or ex-lovers or whatever you'll be able to understand that perhaps the one quality that they all had was a lack of empathy or The way they communicated but the degree [to] their narcissism and to the to the to the degree [that] they were able to be cruel may have differed and So I believe that the number one tool that Narcissists use is what I call crazy communication like you can't get from Point a to point B With a narcissist and that's their agenda so a narcissist is codependent because a narcissist absolute needs a narcissistic supply a Narcissist can't boost their own ego a narcissist needs I call it the body under the bed and When the narcissist is feeling a lack [of] energy they need someone to control and manipulate They need someone to boast in front of they need someone to make someone that they can actually suck the life out of and that It that will build up their energy stores So so a narcissist is a lack body a lack energy body that needs another energy body to feast off of in Order to increase their their power supply essentially if we're going to talk about energy beings crazy-Making communication is Sort of it sounds like this and those of you who have experienced it will be able to relate so in my life the way it showed up is For instance, I would say to my ex-husband. What time you coming home? That's a that's a that's a no-brainer conversation and an appropriate response would be Five o'clock and then the appropriate behavior would be my husband would come home at five to five or five after five But generally he'd be home around five o'clock and life would go on it would be seamless But when you're dealing with someone is passive-aggressive, and [you're] dealing someone with someone who is a narcissist, and they really don't care how you feel [and] Their agenda is to stay above you and never actually equalize with you. It sounds like this so babe What time [we're] gonna be home? I'll be [home] later Well about what time will you be home so I can start cooking dinner. I don't know what time [do] I usually come home That's what time we'll be home, and then they slam the door, and you're left standing there like What just happened and now if he usually comes home around five o'clock? Tonight. He might come home at nine o'clock, and then when you ask him What's up? He would say something like well um [I] never told you I wasn't going to home at nine o'clock What are you so upset about? It's [crazy-making] or well. You know I knew that you don't like to be disturbed after six o'clock so that's why I didn't call you like he's the hero or she's the hero or Well, I knew that if I called you you were going to be pissed off And so you know if you didn't act so crazy when I was going to be late. I probably would have called you this is The way they function in the world it is never. I'm sorry I didn't give you a clear answer remember a narcissists agenda is to create Crazy-making conversation, it's sort of like Shadow boxing three ghosts, so imagine you're in a boxing ring, and you know you're shot You're getting punched in the face from three different boxers You know or four different boxes? And they're ghosts you can't see them so a narcissist agenda is to keep you off balance And so if you're in a relationship with someone who cannot answer your questions Or who fails to give you clear Concise? answers, that's a problem dear one and You will know that by how you feel in your body And it's amazing to me to me that as we awaken as spiritual beings on this path of enlightenment We discover that Everything that we've been taught about ourselves is bullshit meaning We are supposed to pay attention to how we feel and what a concept You know from the day that we're born we're taught that we're sinners that were not good enough that we have to be worthy of our parents attention and affection and validation and That the way that we look isn't good enough Or that if we're we're [school-aged] children Our sneakers aren't cool enough or our backpack isn't cool enough or our hair isn't straight enough Or it's too curly or it's too this or it's too that Or our eyes or our skin color isn't the right color. I mean, it's just Everything in our society there are so many ways in which society at large tells us that we're not enough So it's amazing to me that On this healing journey we discover that everything that we've been taught about ourselves is complete bullshit. We are we are We were always enough, and we will always be enough that the fact that we are consciousness living this reality Qualifies us to be enough We don't have to prove ourselves worthy to anyone. I think the biggest Aha moment for me was when I realized that. Oh my freaking. God my feelings matter Like seriously what I think and what I feel [about] people matters another aha moment for me and I'd like to share it with you all today is when I realize the difference between judging someone and discerning so when I'm judging someone I can feel that in my gut when I'm judging someone and God knows I've [been] it because I've been Judged and you only know how to judge because the data is there because you've been judged and so Whatever it whatever your parents [or] your past experiences Whatever. They've been they've been inputted into your brain and so now your brain plays with that information It's not your brains fault so we judge because we've been judged when you're judging someone You know it you don't feel good you [feel] Ugly you feel Icky you feel nasty You feel you feel mean you feel it you know that you you're walking on the dark side when you're judging someone when you're discerning It's you're still in your light body. You're still you're still in the spirit of light when you're discerning It sounds like this wow, I'm speaking to my friend [I] just told her that I went to the movies last [night] and I loved the movie and She's a conversational narcissist. She just went right to talking about the movie that she saw last weekend, so [what] happens is? narcissist those types of Narcissists They use what? Psychologists call shift responses so what they do is And you'll notice it and what I'm trying to do is make you aware of how people communicate so that you can discern you can stay in your light body and discern what kind of person am [I] speaking to you need to tap into the spirit of Discernment so that you can keep yourself safe And you can teach your children how to do this and so a shift response ounds like that Like I just said and I'll repeat it so so Karen. I went to the movies last night and Karen says Oh yeah, went to movies last week. You know what I saw I saw I saw I saw South park with Jake Gyllenhaal and Bubba vent so as you can see her response was unsupportive to my comment, so Conversational narcissists they have they can't they have to be seen in the conversation they have to somehow Bring the conversation back to themselves. [they] have a very difficult time Being able to support other people now It's really you have to also check yourself. See if when you're speaking to people if you do that I know that. I've done that unknowingly and unaware ['only] and the more that I learned about My own the way I communicate I can take accountability for it do I think I'm a narcissist not at all I have Complete Empathy for the people in my lives and I and I so want them to feel okay and want them to feel loved and and when I learned that I may have been not as nice as perhaps to my children or when I was insensitive perhaps to to someone in my [family] and they love and trust me enough to tell me I'm wounded that I heard somebody and so I [loved] that about myself and I appreciate that about myself, but I've also learned to appreciate it on other people, so now Narcissists when we're married to narcissists their greatest weapon against us is this crazy making conversation? So what I want to do is I want to teach you some ways in which you can learn to protect yourself [in] a practical sense because there's a whole lot of talk about what a Narcissist is and like I say [all] the time is like we need tools We need to know what to do when we discover that [we're] we're dealing with the narcissist I see everything in terms of energy and so a Narcissists agenda is to sort of like. They're like vampires they want to suck the energy out of you and the more depleted you are the better they [feel] and so and that serves them in a number of ways [if] you're dealing with an arm her husband's a narcissist [and] He's able to use crazy communication with you, or your wife is a narcissist And she's able to make you feel responsible for why she is? uncaring for your feelings Then what happens is she gets to witness and he gets to witness your energy drop Now what happens in in the psyche of a narcissist at least I think so [is] that that helps them feel better than you? They see themselves is more powerful Stronger more in control than you because you [are] you are being drained and losing your [shit] like you're going crazy You know a narcissist? exploits the needs of a codependent and A narcissist has the ability to make a very nice Codependent [act] extremely irrational you know tell and tell a codependent that you didn't say what you said and that's enough to ignite the I am not enough wound and that's enough to like light the whole world on fire and Narcissus like to exploit the needs and the wounds of [codependence]. That's what they do so the more out of control you are [Dr1] the more in control the Narcissist feels, so My mind strategies are all founded in the idea that the goal is to Help you learn to take control over your vibration because your vibration is where it's at. You have to stay [high-flying] We have to stay [high-flying] for our children. We have to teach our children how [to] secure their borders how to secure their boundaries we have to teach our children how to discern You know who is supportive and who is not supportive what friend? Makes everything about her and what friend is able to actually show up for you What boyfriend actually cares about how you feel and what? Boyfriend couldn't give a rat's ass about how you feel You know these are the things that we need to learn and pass on to our children in a non-judgmental way? And we have to teach our children that when they're judging they feel bad And when they're discerning they feel good, and so that's really really important that that you jot that down and so um Narcissus doesn't respond to you appropriately [so] they will go out of their [way] to ignore and just Completely bypass whatever you brought to the table [and] If you've decided like we're going to talk about what you can do in friendship So let's say you've attracted a passive narcissist into your life or conversational narcissist who is unsupportive? Doesn't know how to keep the dialogue going back, and they always bring whatever you said back to them Oh yeah, I did that oh yeah. I did that oh yeah. I had that oh yeah that happened to me. [oh] yeah oh yeah, oh yeah, and Then puts you in a place where you don't feel seen which is So close to [our] mortal wound of feeling invisible as children so what I want you to do is a couple of things Understand that your agenda is to hold on to your energy, right? So the first thing that you're going to do is you're going to discern When you've discerned that you're speaking to someone who has uses unsupportive communication you have to know from that point on it's all about you holding on to your energy and We and we don't want to lock horns with this person because they're not going to get it. They're not going to get it So the first thing is discern the second thing is accepted you [know] you're talking to someone who is unsupportive and likes to talk about themselves and The worst thing you can do is you know go toe-to-toe with them, so the first thing is to surround the second thing is accepted The third thing is don't expect anything This is [not] your time. This is not your conversation This is not the relationship to sow seeds in this is your time [to] just pull back and observe just observe it the next thing that I Suggest you do is that you don't confront their ego. Don't call them out on it because That's going to send them off into a tizzy that's going to increase their need to kind of like bonk you over the head which is going and which may you actually may pull you into the Wrestling wrestling ring with them which you don't want to do so don't challenge them just discern accept it observe of it Don't expect anything um Smile and Nod mm-hmm while it sounds interesting wow okay? Wow that sounds amazing [well] good for you Mm-Hmm you see it seems now. You've got to be able to wrestle your own ego because so many of us We get we get we get fired up We realize we're [talking] to someone who doesn't see us, and we get fired up and that's where ego comes in and you've got to be smarter than the ego because the ego is going to want to like show this person that they are wrong and Show this person that they don't see you and tell this person how terrible they are But you see that's judgmental You're stepping into the spirit of judgment and that's going to feel ugly [that's] going to feel that's going to feel very dank so you don't want to do that, so this type of tactic only works if you're willing to check your ego at the door and like I said my agenda these days is to hold on to my vibration and take complete responsibility for it and Not allow other people to pull me off center, and so that's what I'm trying to import on you is to help you gain control So let's say that you have now that's just that's like a friend um so let's say you have a narcissistic partner If you have a narcissistic partner and their agenda [is] to minimize you you know Narcissists are very hard nuts to crack and most people will tell you they're impossible to crack because they can't see it You know and I believe that What makes me human and what makes another person human is my ability to have empathy for you? it's my ability to pick up the newspaper and see a mother holding a dead child and To feel and to imagine what that poor mother feels? She could be halfway across the world. It doesn't matter she could be a different a different Religion it's irrelevant [she] is a human being who has lost her child and I have the ability to connect to that moment in [time] with her Being human means that we have empathy and compassion for humanity That is the best of humanity. [I] live in New York and one when 9/11 happened I have to tell you I was so proud to be a new yorker. I was so proud to be a human being in spite of the tragedy of 9/11 [I] mean New York Came together and the Country the World Came together to support, New York and every day there were I found and I discovered that were more people that I knew that were went to went and bought went to Costco and Bought tons of socks for the firemen you know and and and t-shirts for the firemen and for the construction Workers and and the schools and the ptas that got together and chuck trucked water down in to help these rescue workers and You know the the tons of volunteers that that showed up? And we were one we were so United you know wherever you [are] in New York on the day of 9/11 or the day after in the months after Every time you looked into the eyes of another human being [you] saw your own pain you saw the experience and you felt connected in this divine Matrix So I believe that the tragedy brings [to] brings to our awareness heightens us heightens our consciousness, and that's what's What that's the good thing about Chaos and tragedy because it does heighten our awareness? We wake up out of the [freaking] spell We're not worried about you know what our boyfriends are doing or what our girlfriends are doing. We're worried about something That's really really significant and [powerful] and it affects all of us and so I have to say that in my opinion what makes people human is their ability to connect to another person now if You are dealing with a narcissist who lacks that Gene I? am struggling with saying that there you in I certainly they have flesh and certainly they're there you have a heart but When it comes to what we need to have healthy relationships with other people? I'm sorry. I I am I'm leaning towards the idea that north Narcissists are not fully human and I'm sure I'm going to get letters and letters and emails about that, but you know Being human means that I can feel what you feel being human means I have the ability to have compassion You know you yawn yawn, that's an empathy gene even even chimpanzees that [the] idea of Empathy between their species is built into them. That's what makes them able to Not walk through the streets and will not walk through the jungle and actually kill every single other chimpanzee They say you know we need this this this this empathy gene We absolutely need [it] so that on in great tragedy like 9/11 and so many other disasters You know we are able to come together as a community and help one another But when there are [people] in our [midst] who? was agenda it is to minimize us and to destroy us I Have to question whether or not that person is as human as someone who has the ability to have empathy So it sucks when you wake up And you realize that you've attracted someone into your experience that doesn't have the ability to see you, and I believe that those relationships cannot work They they can exist, but they can't work and you cannot be happy I don't believe in a relationship with the narcissist you can learn to hold on to your vibration And you can learn to have a wonderful [relationship] with yourself even [if] you're dealing with the narcissist but only if you shut the door to the illusion that they can meet you that they can they can encourage you that they can have empathy for you if You're a self containing human being and you know that you need [to] take care of yourself Well, then I guess you know you're afraid to get divorced Or you're afraid of what this narcissists will do if you get divorced [I] do believe that you can grow to a certain extent in that as long as you are closed to Expecting anything from them like you really have to it's all about me now, and you use the spirit of discernment And let's face it. You know lots of us discover that we're married to narcissists, and we can't leave tomorrow It's that's just the reality but I do believe that as you resonate higher that relationship will have to fall apart [and] So I'm hoping that if you do feel stuck that what you take away [from] this video Is [that] you disengage from the narcissist and you work on your own vibration? This kind of stuff means that you have to be completely responsible No more no more excuses for why you feel the way you feel? No more excuses for why you can't feel better none. They have to be done you have [to] put them away I don't care if you've got 17 children, and you've got three mortgages You have to find a way to make yourself [feel] better in Kragh Mentally so that means if you're shit as depressed today in This moment that means what you're looking for is a little improvement in the next moment And then a little improvement in the next moment, [and] then a little improvement in the next moment And then a little improvement in the next moment So thinking that you're supposed to get all this discovery work recovery work done in one afternoon is ridiculous, and it's going to make you feel worse, so My last piece [of] [advice] for anyone out there [who's] dealing with a narcissist? [is] That you must be able to discern the way they communicate and in those cases They're using the the worst emotional emotional tool. I believe in their shed which is [crazy-Making] Communication nothing makes sense [they're] avoidant They deliberately withhold so you have a conversation with your husband And he doesn't use the support and phrase that you can get to the next sentence so that you can actually connect conversation helps us connect to people and Connections make us feel bonded with people and that makes us feel like we're [growing] in our relationships When you're dealing with the narcissist they are they deliberately withhold those supportive statements so we might say wow you know I'm really tired and Your husband doesn't even acknowledge that you said that That's an emotional tactic. That's a communication tactic. He's withholding the supportive phrase You might say well, I wish you would have told me [that] you were coming home at clock and he goes hMM There's no supportive phrase. There's no, I should have called you. I'm sorry I didn't call you or even you know I didn't I didn't know that you wanted me to call you or whatever I thought we discussed this yesterday something to keep the conversation going so Narcissists withhold they do not use supportive phrases to help conversations continue to grow and Expand They ignore you they deflect they also they also blame you and it's very interesting they turn conversational physicians around so if you were to say to A narcissist something like you know um I hate when you flirt with women at cocktail parties They might say [something] like well if you weren't so insecure that wouldn't bother you that Is like such a crock of bullshit are you kidding me? [I] hear that so often from my clients, and I've heard that myself from my ex-husband like it's my issue It's my fault that I'm upset that you're flirting with Cut width with every woman at this cocktail party [I'm] not Now now listen to listen to listen to the bullshit listen to the paradigm The paradigm that we were taught [or] I was taught as a child was what I think and feel doesn't matter I can't trust my perception what other people think is more important than what I think Worry about what other people [feel] [worried] about making people angry don't come off seeming selfish don't expect other people to listen to you all the Paradigms blow up in just that one interaction when he says to me if you aren't so insecure that wouldn't bother you they Everything gets ignited the template the old paradigm gets ignited [I] am right back to being three four five six seven years old Worrying about this what this person thinks doubting my reality and then I go to bed feeling so flipped up you know so effed up Because I'm wondering to have a right to be angry so Yes, dear one. I can't stress it enough your feelings are everything Now I believe the agenda the mass agenda The Society's Agenda or the Elites agenda is to make us worry about our feelings being I? Believe. I really do believe that that hours out it is conditioned into the society the idea that we should not trust what we feel why because When you trust with you feel fear when you trust what you feel? You are able to conquer The one mass tool that is used amongst all men and that's fear when you trust what you feel and You state to your husband something like I have a right to be angry because my husband who? Promised [to] love and honor honor me and my feelings doesn't I? Have a right to out of the fact that I'm upset And I'm angry because my husband has no respect for how I feel I have a right to be angry because my husband Embarrassed me in front of women that I have to deal with every [day] I have a right to be angry because my husband doesn't seem to care about how I feel That is coming from a position of strength when you integrate I'm Integrated when I speak that way when you speak that way, you are integrating mind body and soul And there isn't a there isn't a soul on the face of this earth that [can] Intimidate you when you have finally learned to trust what you feel So when you trust what you feel you're tapping into the etheral you're tapping into the divine Matrix you're tapping into creator because Everything that you need to feel to exist in this world and to create you create happy life experiences Everything that all the codes that you need to experience your happy life experiences will be found in the way that you feel that's where your guidance comes from That's where your guidance comes from that connects you to your divinity [to] your holy self to all that is So I hope I can go on forever about just this topic, but I'm into this for a half an hour already And I don't want to you know go [over] the half hour so dear ones. I really the disinformation Encourages you please let me know give me a shout [out] at least a romano calm If you haven't already I have made available an MP3 of a workshop that it that helps you learn how to construct boundaries Which is what you need and I encourage you to check [that] out at my website also I have MP3 lessons for sale that you can download on [your] [iphones] and for those of you Who are struggling with children who are waking up? who Understand that you have taught your children these negative lessons. You know all this stuff that I teach I speak in a way, I think And what [I'm] really hearing from you guys [is] I speak in a way It's it's easy to hear so I would say let your kids listen and ask them What are you hearing this lady, say like are you hearing what she's saying and what message did you pick up did anything? Give you chills did anything resonate with you? Is there anything that you want to talk about? Do you want to send her an email to ask her a question that you have I am all about? Helping parents out there take accountability for themselves Love themselves unconditionally heal themselves come into the love and light for themselves and then to Transfer these new new Energies [onto] their own children so that we leave this world a better place when you heal you have a tremendous impact on the world at large dear one and That is our purpose even [if] you don't have children When you get healed you help the world at large So dear ones it is my pleasure to come into your hearts to your homes today Namaste
