The Mummy (2017) - Awfully Good Movies

I want you to hit me as hard as you can as the Marvel Cinematic Universe enters its 12th year of comic book adventure and the DC Cinematic Universe has finally started to find its footing Universal Pictures is hoping that third attempt at creating a cinematic universe around its table of Universal Monsters will finally prove to be the charm with Elizabeth moss starring under the helm of song co-creator Leigh Whannell in his modern reimagining of HG Wells's sci-fi classic The Invisible Man but this time Universal is handing their classic boxers off to a studio that actually gives a [ __ ] about good horror movies well usually does Blum House productions with producer Jason Blum now focusing on making individual remakes of the classic monster movies instead of trying to immediately establish a shared universe and as a fan of those black-and-white originals I think it's about damn time they actually focus on making good horror movies around these legendary characters instead of forcing them into becoming an Avengers esque superhero team especially after witnessing the epic failure of universals last attempt at a monster universe three years ago with Tom Cruise starring in the 2017 reboot of the mummy after trakula untold failed to seek its teeth into the box office in 2014 Universal decide to reset its plans for a new monster franchise by now focusing on the mummy since that character had already proved successful at being remade into a blockbuster franchise but instead of having Brendan Fraser fighting off the undead the new modern-day mummy would now have Tom Cruise taking a break from all those impossible missions and Jack reach-arounds to help the dark universe finally achieve a successful liftoff along with some help from sofia boutella fresh off of her breakthrough performances in Kingsman and Star Trek beyond to play the newly gender swapped mummy in fact Universal was so confident that stark universe would finally prove successful that they released a photo of the mummy Cass posing alongside their future franchise cast mates javier bardem as Frankenstein's monster and Johnny Depp as the Invisible Man but although the new mummy would open with the biggest foreign debut of Tom his career it landed at an underwhelming number - at the American box office right behind Wonder Woman and got overwhelmingly torn apart by critics with the dark universe quickly disintegrating to ashes as the franchise's - Lee producers split from the studio and the plan follow up a Bride of Frankenstein was put on ice so now as we entered the third and hopefully final attempt at a new Universal monsters franchise let us reopen the tomb of the mummy 2017 to make sure this dark universe stays buried for good by the way I'm hearing really good things about this new Invisible Man remake so much so that Universal provided us with an exclusive clip from the movie let's go ahead and take a look well hot damn that flick looks positively terrifying and that Elisabeth Moss is such a chameleon although Dracula may not drink wine there's still plenty of other varieties of alcohol for him to pick from so both he and Renfield can play the awfully good drinking game take a double shot as the film opens with the universal globe going dark to announce the official beginning of the duct universe which was universally laughed at by this film's audiences as one of the most pathetic displays of cinematic hubris since Mac and me ended with the title card will be back also make up your mind opening logos is this supposed to be a perfect world or a dark universe it cannot be both so the actual film opens in England during the year 11:27 as a band of Crusader Knights bury one of their own in a tomb along with a red ruby and up nvm now we're in present-day England as the news announces the construction crew has come across this crusade era tomb in the midst of opening up some new train tunnels with the construction crew soon cleared out of the tomb by a gang of soldiers led by Russell Crowe in the role of the dark universe is equivalent to Nick Fury dr. Henry Jekyll who comes across the tomb that up never mind again now we're in ancient Egypt as chico flashes back to tell us the story of our film's titular mummy princess on net and played by sofia boutella a ruthless warrior who planned to succeed her father Metra in the position of Pharaoh but after the Pharaoh's wife gives birth to a boy who will now ascend to the throne instead of a Manette the princess seeks her revenge by selling her soul in exchange for evil superpowers to set the Egyptian god of death as played in his final on-screen role by Kirk Douglas and after the newly tattooed and quadruple pupil princess kills off both her father and his baby she prepares to sacrifice her lover so his body can serve as a vessel for the god of death until she stopped by the Pharaohs guards who mummify her alive inside of a sarcophagus and buried the tomb all the way over in Mesopotamia so her evil can never escape that she would remain condemned to eternal darkness everybody got that so now that we're caught up on that we fast-forward to modern-day Mesopotamia nowadays known as war-torn Iraq where we meet the hero of our film Nick Morton played by Tom Cruise a sergeant for the US Army who was secretly looting the Iraqi desert for precious antiques that he can sell on the black market with the assistance of his buddy corporal Chris Vale played by Jake Johnson hey we are not looters we are liberators a precious antiquities right these two guys are kind of like Sully and Nathan Drake from the Uncharted games but if their comedic banter came straight out of a lower tier buddy cop comedy from the 90s oh god forget the mummy this dialogue sounds like it came out of Abbott and Costello Meet The Mummy I'm thinking of it I'm thinking yeah what are you thinking costella I'm thinking we're probably gonna die here and speaking of buddy cop comedy the two soldiers are soon chewed out by their commanding officer played by Courtney B Vance whose name may just as well be Colonel angry police captain nick is smacked across the face by an archeologist named Jennie Halsey played by Annabelle Wallis who claims Nick stole a map from her that leads to the newly open tomb of Princess AMA net and after the colonel orders Nick and Vale to join miss Halsey in searching the tomb they find the princess's sarcophagus which has been submerged and liquefied Mercury and held down by metal chains to ensure the sarcophagus will never be opened those chains aren't for bringing it up they're for holding it down only for Nick to casually shoot one of the chains and free the sarcophagus from the pool of mercury and not only does that unleash a nest of camel spiders that bite Bale on the back of his neck but Nick is hypnotized by the sarcophagus into seeing one of many visions of the prince whom he is just freed from her tune and in addition to discovering ominous tomb we've apparently also managed to discover a worse subtitle font then goddamn avatar so the sarcophagus is casually airlifted out of the tube by a helicopter as if we were air lifting Homer Simpson out of Springfield gorge and as they transport the mummy onto a plane in time to avoid an oncoming sandstorm the spider bite unveils neck finally gets the best of him as he's possessed by the mummies evil spirit with bales stabbing the curl to death and way vyas knife towards Nick and Jenny before Nick is forced to shoot him dead poor Jake Johnson and here I thought that spider bite was gonna help him join the spider verse soon again suddenly the plane starts having a bout of turbulence as it flies into an oncoming flock of crows in what is clearly supposed to be an homage to Alfred Hitchcock's poor classic Birdemic shock and terror and while the ensuing plane crash sequence may be one of the cooler moments of this movie seeing as it was actually filmed in mid-air on a bomb at comet plane I sadly cannot take the scene seriously after seeing that infamous mummy trailer that Universal Pictures accidentally uploaded to YouTube without any music or sound effects [Music] hey yeah it's probably best that the final cut of this scene did not end with Tom Cruise screaming like a Looney tune [Music] what then Nick finds himself waking up inside of a body bag at a London morgue with no explanation as to how he survived the plane crash did you there's not a single scratch body well clearly it's because Tom Cruise has been on his strict Scientology diet of vitamins and exercise so suck on that Brooke Shields you're good actually Nick finds out the real reason for his survival when he finds himself visited by the undead spirit of his buddy Vale who explains the Nick that the two of them have been cursèd by the evil of princess amana and that veil will only rest in peace when Nick gets the Mummy's curse taken off of him I'm cursed Nick and you're cursed and there's only one way to break it you are going to do exactly what she wants or this is gonna get a lot worse for both of us you know sort of like how the undead Griffin Dunne visited the cursed David Naughton in John Landis's an American Werewolf in London but you're gonna wish you were you've got to kill yourself David before it's too late no it's not I think you're just another part of a bad dream look at me look at my face I'm not having a nice time here well sure this may be a shameless ripoff but I will admit it's at least a tad more enjoyable than an American Werewolf in Paris and to add to the shameless rip offs from classic 80s horror movies we cut to the mummys open tomb being discovered by two rescue workers at the side of the plane crash who are soon fatally kissed by the undead princess to serve as their zombie slaves after being sucked of their life force you know like in that tobe Hooper movie life force which I happen to review for this show one month before the release of the mummy coincidence yes it is and much like how the vampire from life wars had a psychic link with Steve's Railsback The Mummy also has a psychic link with Tom Cruise which uses to torment him with a vision of being swarmed with killer rats in what is obviously a teaser for the upcoming spin-off for Dracula's assistant Renfield Ron romp oh wait they actually are doing a Renfield spin-off Oh goddamnit of course they are so the revitalize dominant uses her power over Nick's mind to lure him into a church and it tends to sacrifice him with the dagger of set only to find that this dagger will not work until it's reunited with the red ruby that was broken off of its handle and stolen by the Crusader Knights because even though this mummy has the power to control zombie slaves and punch Tom Cruise up into the sky she does not have the power to know how her satanic dagger is supposed to [ __ ] work but that's when dr. Jekyll's agents come in to save the day and capture amma net while nick has tranquilize and brought down into the secret headquarters of dr. Jekyll make yourself comfortable for you as it appears that jenny has been secretly working for Jekyll this whole time to bring the mummy back to his facility where he and his team are tasked with searching the world for supernatural monsters and preventing them from destroying the world which is not the slightest bit similar to shield so haha Marvel you can't sue us welcome to the Digium mr. Martin from the latter once true you know I would have given points to this movie had they just named this organization the monster squad and much like how Marvel and DC liked to pepper their movies with least er eggs which hit towards future movies the per diem headquarters are filled with artifacts belonging to the other Universal monsters you see a scaly forearm from The Creature from the Black Lagoon you see a skull with fangs that most likely belong to Dracula and you even see a thing in a tank of water Oh No maybe it's a turd from the wolf man's ass and while we're at it let's [ __ ] a line of dialogue from Bride of Frankenstein to a new gods and monsters welcome to a new world of gods and monsters because all the younger audience members totally understood that reference to a movie from 1935 but of course dr. Jekyll happens to be one of these monsters himself in the form of his evil alter ego mr. Edward Hyde whom Jekyll prevents from resurfacing thanks to a serum he intermittently injects into his arm but then Jekyll informs Nick that they'll have to kill him to prevent the god of death for being reborn into his body you have been selected as investment for the ultimate evil this is not some common cold yeah some chicken soup and a good night's sleep will not make it go away what what which makes Nick angrily withhold the serum from Jekyll in the midst of his transformation and while Jenny flees Jekyll's office alongside crude idioms head of security played in a thankless role by Jafar from the live-action Aladdin remake Nick is left alone to face off against the Unleashed evil of mr. Hyde do not forget my name and for the short time he has is mr. Hyde Russell Crowe gives the most enjoyable performance of this movie as he plays the character as a cross between Freddy Krueger and Ray Winstone who cackles maniacally as he tries persuading Tom Cruise to join him over on the dark side I'm offering you a partnership you evylyn call Knight me you good friend daddy all I think about it you see dark universe you would have proven way more successful how'd you start out with a mr. Hyde solo movie where he and Tom Cruise go hunting for some monster poontang we are but as for the mummy of our film's title sofia boutella certainly tries making the character her own to set herself apart from either Boris Karloff or Arnold Vosloo but has little to work from because most of her motivation is explained by either Russell Crowe or Annabelle Wallis who way the movie down with their endless tracks of exposition dialogue to bring the demon into our world it appears that the wife of King Vanara died in childbirth the dagger and stone together had the power to give set physical form it also doesn't help that Tom Cruise reportedly had excessive control over rewriting and editing this movie to his specifications to the extent that his role was enlarged and the Mummy's role was minimized even though this movie is called The Mummy not The Adventures of Nick Morton treasure snatcher featuring The Mummy and while I usually enjoy Tom Cruise as an actor he's just playing a far less interesting version of his character from the far better edge of tomorrow a military man with a criminal history who's cursed by an otherworldly powers that he can never get hurt or die and must seek the help of a strong blond British woman who believes there's a good person underneath his [ __ ] exterior somewhere in the fighting to get out but enough of this barely developed love story because now the mummy finds out that the red jewel from the dagger has finally been found in the tomb of a crusader Knight and uses her powers to escape from the grasp of the predict arts and as she prepares to whip up a sandstorm in the streets of London that will bring Nick into her arms it's time for Nick and Jenny to do what we always expect Tom Cruise to do in his action blockbusters [Applause] oh yeah it makes total sense that these two would be able to outrun this supernatural storm of broken glass complete with The Mummy space popping up in the sandstorm just like in the last mummy remake and yet all the rest of London is left behind to bleed profusely from their glass wounds Wow that was intense no it wasn't so ominous next uses our powers to have the Crusader Knights wise from their graves and kill off the party Geum agents while she finally reattaches the red jewel to set stagger and as Nick and Jenny attempt to escape from her approaching zombie slaves by swimming down into a pool of water dominant drags Jenny underneath the water below and Nick is horrified to find that Jenny has been drowned to death oh god no not Jenny she died before I even got a chance to give a [ __ ] about her character and so the heartbroken neck gets into his final battle against the evil of Amon 'it or in other words she just throws Tom Cruise around the tomb like a little [ __ ] we're just never gonna it's not me it's you well you had me goodbye but Nick outsmarts the mummy by snatching the dagger out of her hands and stabbing himself with it instead with the spirit of set finally possessing his body and joining prison sama net to complete their evil union only for the sight of Jenny's corpse to convince Nick to fight back against the evil spirit and take control of his newfound powers to finally defeat the mummy with the kiss of death yeah oh that's good life force and now you know the story of why kelly mcgillis isn't coming back for the Top Gun sequel he really did take her breath away unfortunately Nick's body is now permanently fused with the demonic spirit of set to turn him into I don't know Morbius and after he uses his powers to wake Jenny back to life he vanishes from the tomb in a puff of smoke just as dr. Jekyll arrives to put ominous withered corpse back inside of her sarcophagus and as the satanically possessed Nick heads back to the Oasis with his buddy Vale back in tow oh yeah he brought it back to life don't worry about it Jenny and Jeckle debate whether they will call upon Nick Morton services once again whatever human part of him remains such the world for a way to break the cause he could be up greatest and I sometimes it does take a monster to fight a monster so as we watch Tom Cruise ride out into the desert to see if he can find that pyramid made out of Jerry Maguire VHS tapes we are left with many questions what monsters will the pro Digium team find in their next adventure will the sequel to this mummy remake also have a badly CGI Twain Johnson and what exactly is Tom Cruise supposed to be now is he like the new mummy are those bandages on his hands supposed to be mummy hands all these questions will be answered and more in the future Adventures of the beautimous coming soon to a theater near you after the surely inevitable box-office success of the mummy no sequel for you personally I do hope that Universal finds a successful new franchise for their monsters if only because they'll get younger generations interested in the original horror classics of the 30s and 40s after all the studio was successful at crossing over their separate franchises long before Marvel or DC made billions off of that idea but when you hand the directorial chair to a screenwriter like Alex Kurtzman who knows more about destroying franchises than establishing them then you shouldn't be surprised to see your dark universe stumble right out of the gate with a lifeless and derivative wannabe blockbuster that epitomizes everything wrong with Hollywood today perhaps Tom Cruise and Russell Crowe would have found more success if they instead starred in the upcoming Universal Monsters movie musical because hearing those two guys singing together would have made for a far more terrifying film and on the gnudi watch though sofia boutella certainly makes for a very yummy mummy she does not show off nearly as much skin here as Tom Cruise does who shows off his finely muscled self while walking around a morgue in his birthday suit and while he does look magnificent for a 55 year old I suspect that mr. cruise insisted on using some da geing effects here especially after hearing this line of dialogue from mr. Hyde yeah [ __ ] Tom Cruise is 2 years older than Russell Crowe in real life I believe Tom Cruise is a younger band as much as I believe that Joe Pesci actually thought that Robert De Niro was a kid in the irishman was a problem kid but on the plus side these the aging effects will help us get to see a 79 year old Tom Cruise starring in Mission Impossible 48 rogue ghost proto nation fallout hill no longer have to run he can just do it from the comfort of his motorized wheelchair oddly enjoyable his continuum scale from ball to Bruce The Mummy 2017 manages to kill off this franchise far quicker than Jet Li ever could and curses its enemies with a plague of 3 out of 10 judging from this movie's box office reception I don't think there were many moviegoers who asked Universal Pictures to show them the mummy I'm Jessie shade for Joe Blow calm and wouldn't you know it the new Invisible Man is tracking so successfully with audiences that Universal is already starting production on a new mummy remake and we're lucky enough to have been sent an exclusive clip from their latest monster remake let's take a look that's no money [Music] you know I'm starting to suspect that Universal Pictures doesn't respect my intelligence very much I don't know it's just a hunch [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: JoBlo Originals

Views: 129,857

Keywords: joblo videos, joblo, the mummy, awfully good movies, tom cruise, sofia boutella, russell crowe, jake johnson, courtney b. vance, annabelle wallis, alex kurtzman, universal monsters

Id: vSlRPFPVKtc

Length: 23min 38sec (1418 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 26 2020