The Most Common Signs of a Narcissistic Family

hi it's dr fox licensed psychologist in state of texas and in this video this is a part one of a survival guide to dealing with narcissistic family dynamics now for part one of this two-part series we're going to explore what goes on in the family when a parent or caregiver has narcissistic traits or full npd now the second video will be released in just a few days so if you're seeing it when this first comes out you just have to wait a couple days not the typical two weeks for the second part to be released and i'm hoping that the two parts together can really give a nice framework to identify a lot of these dynamics that you may have experienced that you may be contending with now and i hope that it helps you to build insight and gain a greater sense of understanding about not only your family but also how you deal with those those issues that maybe you carry with you from those from those family from from your family and that family dynamic now the narcissistic family environment is often filled with challenging aspects that breed self-contempt uncertainty and intense fear doubt and insecurity knowledge is empowerment so let's empower you with the knowledge while we get into part one of the survival guide for dealing with narcissistic family dynamics so please like share and subscribe and let's get into it growing up with a narcissistic parent typically entails the following narcissistic family characteristics is that there are often many family secrets now these family secrets these this is sometimes emotional abuse and neglect that are kept secret from those outside the family system to promote that perfect exterior another common narcissistic family characteristic is abandonment anxiety anxiety is prominent right as each child tries intensely to get attention and approval in order to maintain the perfect family image another one is this idealized child maybe you experience that which is one child is seen as the idealized child who does everything well right succeeds at everything even minor attainments are highly praised as though they prove the excellent job that the parents the narcissistic parent is doing and this idealized child often reaps the reward of emotional caring and attention another characteristic of that family environment dynamic is fractured trust so the family system is inconsistent in providing emotional and physical support and in turn the children learn that the system is unreliable and cannot be trusted in getting their needs met now there's another component that's called emotional compliance and this is where like the children learn to believe that they do not have a right to have or express feelings or thoughts that their parents or the family system deem unacceptable another component that's often very common that i see particularly in working with individuals that are within a narcissistic family system is triangulation now this isn't trying to communicate with another person in the family system the child pulls in someone else to convey the message like a third person that could be mom dad brother sister etc whoever it may be which creates a communication kind of triangle that's a triangle right does that look like a triangle right okay and usually causes further confusion and tension in the process so there's no direct communication it's all triangulated right it's all indirect now another component of communication is misdirected communication and this is that messages are sent indirectly resulting in confusion and often passive aggressive responses to perceived slights or insults an additional component are indistinct boundaries and this is where the children have little to no emotional or physical privacy they cannot establish areas of their own and they are subject to their parents accessing their personal space at any time including bedroom bathroom emails phone calls etc right those indistinct boundaries they're very blurred right another component of the narcissistic family dynamic is what's called superficiality and this is where children report feelings of having thin or superficial relationship with their parents now they do not experience a true emotional connection and there is a lack of open and honest communication common implicit messages from narcissistic parents are right just because i'm your mother doesn't mean i have to care about you right my feelings are more important than yours or right don't be so selfish think about me right it's that backhanded i'm providing you support as long as that support supports me right and you know with all of these these narcissistic dynamics that we just talked about you know you experience them and oftentimes individuals bring them on bring them with them into adulthood and they directly affect the relationship they're trying to build not only with their partners or perhaps repair relationships with siblings put them on more honest and stable grounds but it often can be re-communicated and recapitulated with their own children so now that we've identified the characteristics in the environment and the implicit messages right they go along with it let's take a look at how these things are displayed while you're growing up so while you're growing up and you're coming out of that family dynamic system right you're or you're aging within it is that you tended to only do things that that narcissistic parent wanted to do regardless if you wanted to or not right you noticed that you know she or he right was not present very often and seemed to get gratification away from the family so that narcissistic parent when they were with you they were always somewhere else or there was somewhere better for them to be and then another component is no matter what you did you were never able to impress or please him or her so you're always you always get that feeling that one down kind of feeling component is how things looked or appeared were more important than your feelings right as long as you look pretty and you look presentable and you look happy i don't know if that looked happy but then everything is okay you tended to have the greatest value when that narcissistic parent could brag about your accomplishments or complain about your failures another component right was that that narcissistic parent tended to show that he or she cared through material gifts as opposed to attention or words of encouragement and love right which is what fosters attachment which is what fosters growth which most kids want most kids don't want that new ipad they really don't what they want is that parent caregivers true attention and love and caring another component that comes out of those narcissistic dynamics is jealousy of your achievements opportunities or looks and that often prompted criticism or ridicule and then lastly is that that narcissistic parent tended to see him or herself as very important and influential and was entitled to the best even the best children and as we know the best children never make mistakes do they now that's sarcasm right because all kids make mistakes they should make mistakes and i think that we should encourage them to make mistakes because that's how we learn right is that you know struggle and i think you know failure to a degree is very very helpful helps us learn helps us grow and teaches us that we can manage the things that come our way the narcissistic family dynamic doesn't do that it's a very distorted and intensive environment that is very stifling for true development of self the self doubt uncertainty fear of the unexpected and lack of trust in self and others is often what comes from these environments but it doesn't have to stay that way you can change it with therapy and focusing on your own growth the first step is to look and identify your personality characteristics that grew out of the narcissistic family environment that you grew up with you don't have to spend the rest of your life contending with these issues you do have to revisit them and you do have to unpack them and that can be really really scary and really really challenging but i think it's really important to do that and that's why in the next video we're going to do is we're going to break down the personality characteristics of adult children of narcissistic parents so i hope that you'll check that one out and i hope that this was helpful please leave comments maybe about you know how you were able to manage some of those family dynamic issues that you experienced in your family if you had a narcissistic parent or a parent along the narcissistic spectrum i think that helps a lot of folks because i know people do read those comments and i think that if we can provide a resource that people can learn from and develop and encourage their own sense of growth i think that it helps them to outgrow and contend with their issues that they developed by growing up in that narcissistic family and those family dynamics so i hope you enjoyed the video please like share and subscribe and hang tight for the second one thanks bye

Channel: Dr. Daniel Fox

Views: 262,636

Keywords: The Impact and Survival Guide to Narcissistic Parents - Part 1, The Impact and Survival Guide to Narcissistic Parents, dr fox npd, dr fox narcissism, narcissistic parents, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, daniel fox npd, narcissistic, narcissistic mother, emotional abuse, narcissist, npd, covert narcissist, covert narcissism, how to spot a narcissist, dr fox bpd, dr fox favorite person, narcissists, narcissistic abuse recovery, gaslighting

Id: BdN7UjLnri4

Length: 10min 1sec (601 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 09 2022