The Manic Pixie Dream Girl is Autistic

[Music] hi guys it's Ronnie and welcome back to my channel it has been a hot minute since I talked about any autism related subjects and I thought that this would be a great subject to talk about one because I've already sort of talked about it on my podcast Channel like the links will be down below but I talked about the uh 500 Days of Summer movie and it's relationship to today's topic but I also just feel like it's very relevant to um a lot of autistic women specifically essentially I'm going to be talking about the manic pixie dream girl and its relationship to autism and just how it affects women with autism now of course before I get into the video I'm going to do my regular disclaimers which is that any of my videos where I talk about autism um I just want to like remind people not to like use any time that I talk about autistic symptoms to like diagnose themselves um or like to use it as a diagnostic tool or anything like that I'm not a professional so like you should definitely like consult some other people however I am an autistic person so like I do have the anecdotal experience as well as just the research that I think a lot of autistic people do into autism that like you know allows me to be able to talk about this subject either way today's topic is the manic pixie dream girl and this sort of Trope that we see a lot in movies and how it can sometimes negatively affect autistic people essentially the manic pixie dream girl is a character Trope in films as described by Nathan Raben who sort of coined the term in relationship to um the Elizabeth Town character Claire played by Kristen Dunst but essentially she is a female character that is depicted as Quirky or eccentric with the main purpose of inspiring a greater appreciation for life from or in the main male character like many character tropes in film a lot of times the character tropes really are a Trope they tend to make it so that these characters end up being dehumanized or are played off as objects or something of the sort where they don't actually have a real personality or any Dimension I think of the character like the mag IAL black person character in films you'll see that a lot with someone like Morgan Freeman where he's just giving this unwarranted advice to our main character so that they see something important in the words that he said but in in whole he doesn't have an actual personality he doesn't have any depth he's just this guy who says magical words right and same goes for the manic pixie dream girl it's this quirky and fun eccentric girl who shows up who's just different from all the the other girls and she is showing this main male character or even a side male character but more more or less she's showing this character that like life is about more than this or life is really interesting or you know there are no rules to life like she gives him a new outlook on life in some capacity however a lot of times this new outlook doesn't really include that person anymore they don't usually include the mpdg which is short for manic pixie dream girl I'm going to try to shorten it because I don't want to say manic pixie dream girl every single time so I'll just say like dream girl um to to shorten it because mpdg is really hard to say as well either way because of this Trope a lot of the times we see these characters at the end or at some point during the movie getting thrown away or they are just sort of cast off to the side or just deemed like not important for the further plot points ahead and this could go into like a much larger conversation about how like romance is depicted in film and how it's very much warped our idea of what romance is and sort of this idea of like you know the Friendship stage or being friends with someone in order to try to be more with them and that happens in 500 Days of Summer where sort of our main character he's wanting more from her and she's very clear uh about how she doesn't want to be in a an exclusive relationship she doesn't want to just be with him or that she just wants other things in her life so like she has no intention of marrying him or being serious with him and he's just hoping that like the longer they're in a relationship the more he could just convince her that she actually wants to do the thing he wants to needless to say the dream girl Trope is just not a helpful one it's not like a good one and a lot of the times when you look at the characteristics of a lot of these women that we see on screen they are very similar to autistic women or neurod Divergent women who also have similar characteristics I think about characters like Ramona Flowers in Scott Pilgrim versus the world where like she changes her hair a lot she tends to have a very like flat personality and I know that like that movie in particular is supposed to be sort of this like most comic book like um film where like all the characters are supposed to be characters but even more so you can tell in just like the way she acts the way she dresses and just how he like interacts with her and um how other people perceive her they very much see her as different than the girls that she is surrounded by but a lot of the times when we see these people in media we will see that they have very similar characteristics now obviously like there's nothing I can point to directly because everyone and all of these characters are fairly different like Ramona Flowers is like definitely very different from Summer and 500 Days of Summer like they clearly have different styles of dress and like they have different personalities and stuff but they do both show qualities that could be linked to something like autism it's not to say that like every quirky girl is autistic because obviously that's not true some people really do just have a personal sense of style that is different from everyone else is or some people really do just like a a brand of food a lot and that's like perfectly fine it doesn't make you autistic but especially when we see in these films these women who do have sort of a flat affect at the beginning um and throughout that still tend to like have a very particular way of doing things I also want to mention that I feel like a lot of these women will like exhibit characteristics that are most like a level one autistic woman who is masking so I think that's part of where the sort of tension or conflict will come in in these films is when they start to unmask and they start to show them more of the things that they are dealing with internally as well as how being quirky and eccentric can actually be a detriment to them at times and I feel like that's really off-putting for those male characters because they expect them to be the same in public as they are in private when in reality most people just aren't like that to begin with like most people do act a different way in public than they do in private however it tends to be more drastic with people who do have to mask like those of us with autism or ADHD I definitely think there are certain things that characterize in a way that feels very very like related to autism or like autism adjacent I guess like in some of these characters you'll see that they do have a certain style that they are dressing in and for a lot of autistic people that maybe because they have a special interest in that field like if you are very interested in like the 1950s and 60s you may adopt that style for your own and your clothing style also a lot of times autistic adults are sort of infantilized or we can be seen as childlike and of course there's a huge like you know there's a fine line between people perceiving us as like a child and acting childlike but more so a lot of us might have childlike features like wanting to eat the same foods every day or eating really simple foods like having pizza every night or chicken nuggets and things like that that are deemed more as children's food uh rather than like something more complicated with a lot of different like flavors and spices and things like that that may upset our stomach because I know a lot of autistic people also have IBS and other like gastrointes intestinal issues and so like there's a very clear link to autism there it's not just like a random trait that we developed but also a lot of us are just like into childlike things because they are comforting and as an adult we don't often have a lot of comfort in our lives in like our work space and things like that so we tend to hold on to things um that like may be a good sensory experience for us like a lot of us like plushies because it's just a good sensory experience to be able to hold and touch a plush doll so like people see some of these outward traits that may look childlike but are actually linked to autism and view them in more of either an infantilizing way or in sort of a way that makes people think that we have this sort of freedom of mind or like this very um like soft natured type of Personality um that may again seem different than a lot of what other people might do in their adulthood and a lot of times I feel like these characters when they show up on screen they say a lot of deep stuff or they say say a lot of stuff that's like really out of out of whack or maybe even um off thewall I guess uh things that may just seem odd to everyone else when in reality a lot of the times when we're like sharing our experiences it's because of those experiences that maybe we have a different outlook on life or we may say things because we're extremely blunt and so it seems like we are like you know really just putting ourselves out there when in reality that's just how we are like again a lot of these traits may may be perceived within or through this lens of like the manic pixie dream girl who like is very different and cool and eccentric when in reality these traits that people are seeing and sort of like putting together are actually traits that are very heavily linked to our autistic experience so with that similarity to autism I think a lot of the times in real life autistic women are approached in a way that is through the lens of the manic pixie dream girl and not understanding that we in fact are our own individual people people and that the things that we do are for a reason and not just because we want to be different but like from what we know about movies and TV and just popular culture in general the media that we consume definitely does affect how we interact with the rest of the world and it's not to say that movies aren't based on real life that these things don't occur like outside of that but at the same time it sort of is like a cycle of you know art imitating life and life imitating art it just sort of goes back and forth and I think that that is something that has happened from the manic pixie dream girl in that people have encountered women like this and as more of these I guess men are getting in the writing rooms and writing these um these stories and I think even women write these stories as well of sort of the not likee other girl type of girl um which I think would also sort of fall in that category at least from like a woman's perspective of what a manic dream girl is um but needless to say I definitely think that that has affected how autistic women have been or are starting to be approached in the sense that because we have this similarity to characters that we are seeing on our screens people are sort of assuming that you know we do have this outlook on life that will change them and help them grow and so I think this is sort of a dangerous Trope in the sense that I think it can lead to a lot of heartache and a lot of problems I guess for autistic people specifically mainly because I think characters like this or any sort of character Trope can sort of remove the individuality and personhood from the people that we know in real life obviously you know Ramona Flowers is not a real person so it's not necessarily Like Our obligation to view her as a person however when it does come to real life real people do get hurt when they are put in situations like this where their indiv individuality and personhood is stripped of them to be used as sort of this Catalyst for change in other people I think part of the problem that I do have with people seeing people through this Trope not only in the fact that it can sort of be dehumanizing to be seen as a Trope or to be seen as some sort of catalyst for for someone else is also just it shapes the way that we are perceived and thus how we are treated as people I'm sure if you know any women in general they probably have some awful dating story to tell you but I especially think for autistic women they probably have have some stories similar to mine where you meet somebody and you they are like very much they very much like you and they're very much obsessed with you and you hang out with them a lot and they always want to hear what you have to say um but eventually it gets to a point where they just decide that they like um where they start to like better themselves and then they just decide that they are like they are going to find someone or go after someone that they actually wanted and that they were just essentially or if you look back at it they were essentially using you to grow and I don't know about any other autistic women but I find myself a lot of the times after a situation only understanding what exactly happened like long after it has happened rather than understanding in the moment so a lot of the times we are vulnerable to being used and abused in relationships because we can't process it as it is happening and thus we end up staying in relationships that do not benefit us in any capacity or even just tear us down and I think whether a guy enters a relationship with the hopes that she will change him or enters the relationship and hopes that the you know the dream girl is supposed to say that way in terms of being put on a pedestal as this really fun and eccentric person all the time and then having their their world shattered when they realize that that person actually does come with caveats and I think that's one of the problems that a lot of autistic people run into in the first place like with relationships especially with neurotypical people is that we will be is that we will start out a relationship being very high masking and people will really enjoy this person and as we get to know them we hope that this person will want to stick around when they see us unmasked and a lot of times people just don't I definitely think unmasking is a really difficult part of being in a relationship with someone whether it is romantic or platonic whatever relationship it is as an autistic person it could be really difficult to unmask around people even other people that know you're autistic that know know that you have a disability they may not always treat you like you have a disability they may not always help to accommodate you or be aware of the problems you might be encountering being in a situation and even more so in a romantic relationship a lot of people just aren't ready to take on the responsibility of being in a relationship with a disabled person for example at the beginning of a relationship someone might like that you have this special place that you like to eat dinner and it's this cute little diner it's tucked away and nobody knows about it but after the fifth or sixth time you've been there they start to get tired of it and they're like why do we keep coming here only to find out that they're the only place that does this very specific thing and they always do it the right way and they never mess it up or it's quiet or the environment is good or something like that that keeps them going there every single night or every time they go out and you know this sort of frustration of not being able to go out to other places because they have a very specific palette I think we also see this when the dream girl becomes extremely emotional or in some cases like neurotic in some capacity so they are dealing with a lot of emotions and they don't really know how to express them in a way that makes sense to other people but again I think another huge huge issue of this Trope is this idea of going into a relationship not realizing that the person that you have chosen to spend your time with has a disability and when it starts being disabling for them that you do have to help accommodate them and you do have to be there for them and it may be more often than you think and the things that seem arbitrary to you and you know may seem like little to you are actually huge to an a IC person and it can be extremely damaging and emotionally difficult to deal with a lot of people coming into your life for short amount of short amounts of time to tell you that you're this amazing and interesting person only for them to be mad at you when you start to feel like you are actually close to that person but needless to say whether people know it or not they may be treating us with this sort of manic pixie dream girl Trope or that we may become that without them realizing it I know this from personal experience because I have had the personal experience of having been in relationships with people who very much you know came into my life they they we talked they really liked me they I shared a lot with them but as soon as I started to unmask as soon as you know those weird quirks were you know always there and not just something that I was putting on for a show to you know let everyone know that I was not like other girls um they became you know upset with me or difficult I definitely think in autistic relationships it's important for the other person to understand what it means to treat somebody like with autism as if they have autism because especially I think about one of my previous relationships where one of the things that like really tore us apart was them being upset with me about traits that were autistic traits things that I couldn't change and at this point in my autism journey I hadn't really realized how important it was that even though I had told this person I was autistic that they still didn't understand what exactly that meant in terms of like helping me or what my support needs were because there were multiple times where we would get into arguments about things that were related to me being autistic like there were times that I was depressed or extremely burnt out and they just were not very supportive of me and they didn't really try to like help me they just got mad at me because I was no longer like picking up my slack uh around the house and things but again part of why that like relationship ended was because they apparently had hinted something very important to me over like a long period of time and I never got this the hint and I told them like I'm autistic I didn't pick up on that how would I have known and they pretty much said like you know you're a liar you're like not telling the truth like there's no way you didn't pick up on this and I'm like I don't know how else to explain to you that I'm autistic and there's no way I would have picked up on that so like I told them multiple times throughout a relationship like you got to tell me directly because I may not know and just like I I'll tell you directly things like but I definitely think that one of the main reasons why this Trope bothers me so much is because of how vulnerable autistic people are and how naive we can sort of be and it's not to say that we're dumb being naive is not the same as being dumb right like it's not the same as just not knowing things being naive isn't always a bad thing but it does make us more vulnerable to manipulation and I do think that there is sort of a manipulative part of wanting to engage with someone in the sense of like having having the intention of making that person help you grow um or using that person as a tool of growth or even just to like not even view them as like a real person with like their own thoughts and feelings but just as like an idea like and so I found that a lot of like my early romantic encounters and stuff were very much a product of like my naivity and essentially people either taking advantage of that knowingly or even just like unconsciously sort of taking advantage of that vulnerability that you know when I was being literal they didn't think I was or when I was telling them how I felt that they didn't think I was actually telling them that because there's a lot of parts of like the neurotypical Romantic relationship that are all about interpreting actions and small things as much larger things sort of like when someone texts you okay versus K like those are supposed to mean two drastically different things and yet like as an autistic person we may not pick up on that immediately and I definitely think it causes a lot of autistic people just a lot of heartache and confusion and it can just be a difficult place to navigate in general and I don't really know how to like end this and say like oh like but here's the things you can do as an autistic person to avoid this because honestly everyone is so different and even when you're being honest you may not always get honesty back so it really is just such like a hard world to exist in when it comes to like romantic encounters but I definitely think finding someone who understands that you're Autistic or possibly just finding someone else who's also neurodivergent who understands like the hardships of being a a Divergent person um will be probably your best bet in finding a romantic relationship that is built more on equal ground and equal understanding rather than trying to like be romantically involved with people who very clearly like don't understand you or people who are trying to play games or not being like open and honest but to me this Trope is definitely problematic as someone who's autistic and has seen enough film of the manic pixie dream girl being this character of like like some emotional intelligence um and just having a very eccentric and quirky personality that also is dealing with a lot of other demons that um doesn't seem to get that sort of emot emotional support reciprocation from the male character because he's on like his own Journey and like for some reason that doesn't like include helping other people or reciprocating with the other people in his life and so I think that like leads to a lot of like the men who are viewing these movies or even women who are viewing these movies seeing this as something to strive after as like oh I want to be not like other girls as well as like men being like Oh like these not like other girls are so deep and interesting and they must have a story to tell but like I'm only here to hear the story and use that not to like view them as a person so I definitely think that like if you're autistic and you are struggling in romantic relationships that you know you find somebody who will give you enough time to process what is happening and if they don't then like you know learning to sort of let that go because I definitely fall on the spectrum of people who like is like very serious and emotionally involved with people um rather than being the kind of person who can just walk away I know there's a lot of autistic people who can just walk away from any relationship uh whenever they want to and they're fine like if it doesn't benefit them they'll just walk away um and that's perfectly fine but for those of us who are like me and they're more on like the emotionally involved side and like like they feel things at a thousand no matter what um definitely it it's about patience and trying to be Discerning in the choices that you're making um obviously I don't I don't put any of the blame necessarily on like you choosing the right or wrong people but definitely like honing in more of those like um social skills and social cues to help you understand when something is like a very clear red flag where you can walk away and you know not feel guilty about it but yeah I definitely think this isn't interesting topic and I've wanted to talk about it for such a long time because I definitely feel like I have just encountered this so much in my romantic relationships where I'm just being put on this pedestal of like I just know things because I'm so different but in reality like I ended up or I end up just getting treated like I'm not a real person or that the person just immediately gets in a relationship right after saying oh I'm not really ready for a relationship you know that sort of thing do not say that you're not ready for a relationship when clearly you just don't want to be in a relationship with that person looking at some of you out there who've done that to me y'all are losers losers for that learn to communicate either way I think it's a very rich and interesting topic so definitely let me know your thoughts down below uh sort of what you think of the Trope if you've ever experienced being manic pixie dream girl or if you tend to manic pixie dream girl a little too close to the Sun cuz I know I've done that quite a few times um but yeah definitely leave your thoughts opinions experiences down below and yeah don't forget to like And subscribe and I'll see you guys in my next one

Channel: Rauni Paige

Views: 2,556

Keywords: fashion, makeup, travel, lifestyle, simple, crochet, aesthetic, rauni paige, raunibeann, left handed crochet, autism, autistic adult, crochet business, small business, crochet tutorial, crochet inspo, pinterest, manic pixie dream girl, autistic movie characters, 500 days of summer, ramona flowers, scott pilgrim

Id: cFPUs2H_V6c

Length: 28min 45sec (1725 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 19 2024