The male identity crisis | Fraser Smith | TEDxGlasgow

I want you to take a minute or so and think about the men in your life who are they what do you think of when you think your partner's your husband's your boyfriend's your fathers your brothers and your sons how do you see them do they share a common identity do you see them as a collective group or a mesh of different characteristics and attributes what your expectations of them what role should they play in relation to you and in society as a whole what do you hope for them and what do you fear for them you see I believe right now male identity is at a crisis point we try our best in society to pretend that historical toxic masculinity no longer exists we encourage men to talk about their mental health to express their vulnerabilities and to talk about the teams that they struggle the most we post pictures of men in tears on social media we use statements like it takes balls to talk real men talk about their mental health and it's okay not to be okay all the wail 78% of all suicides completed last year are by men yet only one-third of the population of people in therapy were men currently at the age of 29 over the next twenty-one years of my life the most likely cause of my death is gonna be that I'll do it myself I find this extremely unsettling now imagine you do to today we have about 2,000 people here in ass auditorium around 1,000 of your men statistically speaking by this time next year for men in this auditorium will have died by suicide this is unacceptable and of course I commend the means by which we try to turn the tide of stereotypical toxic masculinity although I question how much is working although we increase awareness and run campaigns to encourage men to talk about their mental health we a society still view men through the lens of masculine norms we expect men to be the protector the fixer the Cooper the autonomous one and men expect of themselves as well this meal identity crisis has its roots and stark contradictions across society for on the one hand we proclaim that we're in a new age of accepting vulnerability amongst men but with the other hand we still expect men to adhere to those masculine norms you see for me male identity is a touchy and abstract subject I was primarily raised by my mother and my grandmother my father is a kind conscientious hardworking and passionate man but at times he played a limited role in my upbringing I grew up in environments where the tall football player was king and your status as a young man very much depended on how you could make other men afraid of you and I wasn't good at either of these things I turned on the television and saw James Bond overcome insurmountable odds to complete his mission I saw Superman embody everything the ideal stereotypical man it should be I struggled to know what being a man meant what my identity was what was expected of me and it seems I think I still do for me this male identity crisis is the single biggest contributing factor to men's mental health issues and male suicide a question her men are viewed in our society today new societal movements correctly focus on the race of other groups and demographics however I wonder about the impact that they have on men campaigns such as me too are powerful and much-needed ventures that support the rights of women abused in society today and in the past but how does this no makers view men has increased our perception that men are dangerous to be feared that their volatile or violent I worry about how women view me now I worry that they see me as a cause for concern as an irrational potentially violent man I worry also about how this makes men view themselves and their own identity my fear is that we've given man as a whole an identity that says that they're predators and that this predatory identity makes it really hard for men to come forward for those mental health difficulties and actually ask for the help that they need with gender pay gap still an issue in some areas of society today where men are at times still paid more for doing the exact same job as women with men still holding the most privileged role in our society and perhaps now viewed more as villains than victims can we really blame men for not coming forward for therapy can we even blame men for seeing that the only way is that they end their lives there is no obvious solution I don't feel that the construction of some new male identity is in any way part of the answer here rather we have to accept all the facets of male identity those traditional characteristics competitiveness autonomy stubbornness and the other things like emotional pain fear and loneliness things we so often don't allow men to talk about or few it was a sweeping under the rug of emotional challenge that led me as a twelve-year-old to do push-ups in my room until I nearly passed out just the managed systemic bullying I was going through in school rather than accept to open up and talk about those difficulties I had them away and tried to manage by myself it was the same lack of acceptance of emotions that led me to feel a lot more awkward after my wedding speech and I fundamentally that more crying than talking because accepting emotions even positive ones still felt like a weakness for men themselves and society as a whole we need to accept that men like women come in all different forms different classes deafened us different sexualities ethnicities religions and educational backgrounds men are not all one rigid socially constructed identity were not all dangerous we're not all violent we're not all abusers we're not all to be feared nor are we all financially successful or emotionally stable we're not all coping well I'm not arguing for gender neutrality here nor am I seeing that part of the answer is a total eradication of masculine norms there's plenty about my male identity that I love things like my compared to the spirit and it tightens my desire for autonomy but I no longer want to be constrained and restricted by societal expectations and demands that don't look favorably upon me when I have to talk about my mental health difficulties in the future the conflicting expectations that we continually oppose upon men when it still demands autonomy when it still looks shamefully upon men when they struggle emotionally whether we like to admit it or not it's killing those husbands those fathers those brothers and those sons in our society today it's no longer enough to increase the options for men to seek therapy it's no longer enough to encourage men to talk it's no longer enough to simply state that toxic masculine principle should no longer be a barrier we have to change the conversation the issue of men's mental health and male suicide is critical now and we need to look deeper to the socially constructed identity of men how men are viewed in the society today hemin view themselves and actually changed the rhetoric take another minute think again about those men in your lives how do you see them now how do you see that male identity potentially being a barrier to them understanding and accepting their emotions to the men think about who you are what society has told you to be think about how your male identity may become a buyer for you understanding those emotions I know it's I'm still working through mine thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 83,063

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Social Sciences, Behavior, Identity, Men

Id: _X6i3g27sCQ

Length: 8min 54sec (534 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 21 2019