The Journey Home 5-2-12 - Judy Hehr - Revert

good evening and welcome to the journey home my name is Marcus Grodi your host for this program every week EWTN gives me this great privilege to bring into your home's the stories of men and women who guided by the Holy Spirit awakened by the work of Christ in their hearts are drawn to the fullness of the church often to a great surprise sometimes it means really bringing them home sometimes the guests were brought up in the church and for a variety of reasons left and have come back we call those reverts for one of a better term but the Scriptures has a number of stories like that we have a picture in the wall behind our guest of the prodigal son who chose to leave and then recognized a great love of his father by surprise he wasn't sure wasn't sure and then he came home to discover the great beauty of the love of his father that's a bit descriptive of what reverts often recognize when they come home to appreciate that which they may have taken granted that which they may not have understood well that which they may have totally rejected then they discovered the beauty of it and I think that's one of the main reasons Mother Angelica wanted this program well such as our guest tonight Judy hare is a revert Judy welcome to the jury thank you for having it's my privilege to be here it's good to have you here what's it why I get requests from the audience you don't have enough returning Catholics and I think we do they just don't always catch the program is good to have you on the program for that I mean everyone's to be a convert right every single person has to have that awakening of heart and mind to choose God and His Church but sometimes it comes harder for some yeah we call that the two-by-four method into my house here a few times on the program as well as our guests but because it speaks a lot sometimes that's what it takes if not a 2 by 15 I try to tell people bend your bend your knees or he'll break your legs your call loves you that much well we've ever seen the journey home you know that what I always do is ask the guests to you we need to know where you came from spiritually so let the audience get it get a picture of where you came from okay I was born and raised Catholic I am one of six children second to the youngest and we were all about our Catholic faith and fulfilling all of the necessary obligations I received this Catholic schooling all the sacraments never missed a holy day of obligation and I do believe that the disconnect was not having our theology and reality collide in our everyday life you did all the hoops we did but you you don't think you caught on what a man was a young person for me personally and I always say when I whenever I'm referring to my journey of faith it's exactly that it's my perception of my life and my faith and my god oftentimes my siblings might have perceived things from a different perspective so for us we fulfilled what obligate whatever the obligations were and I believe that my parents wanted nothing more than to provide a loving nurturing faith-filled home and my if I had to sum up my mother and my father I would say my dad was the Old Testament and my mom was the new my dad was all about the laws and in fulfilling what it is about respect and reverence and discipline and obeying obedience and my mother was all about the love mercy and forgiveness and so there was kind of a not a disconnect but it was difficult to manage the two as a young child and as I said I received schooling and sacraments did you ever play your dad or your mother often absolutely we all did we all did and we did it quite well almost to the you know to the detriment of their sanctified Union if you will so the disconnect was the Savior and the Scriptures didn't either collide with the sacraments in the schooling and so I do believe the message is always predicated on the disposition of the recipient so I'll say that what I heard was something different than maybe the message that was attempted you're not here to point fingers at why you didn't catch it my parents did the best they could with what they had but they too were broken people and I think what they came as parents wanting to give of they gave and in many cases I think if you ask them they would tell you they do the same thing all over again because it was in the right spirit of trying to do to stop the cycles of defeat if you will point to your faith as the source and strength of everything and they tried to do that but my I often say that for me it was I was always looking for love in all the wrong places they even wrote a song about that anything you know and I always just wanted to be loved and accepted and I don't recall ever feeling that as a child a constant feeling of lack and discontent was a serious part of my overall being and so I try desperately to fit in and to try to make sense of my place and my family and so I assume the position of I often say I was kind of like Joseph and no wonder they threw the guy in the well because I was one who was very self righteous and I promised that I would do better than my siblings and do all the right things in order to get the attention and the affection that I so desperately craved and that was my motivation the majority of my teen years you were following in line with your father's expectations the legalism I mean I hate that I didn't mean to use it that word is yes I understand living the faith the obedience the right living which is all good yeah from a spirit of total self righteousness so within the context of the family on Sundays or whatever you had the appearance of a good Catholic daughter absolutely behind closed doors did you pray absolutely not I asked my siblings I don't think I ever prayed personally by myself but I believe that we prayed as a family we said grace I believe we said some Catholic prayers before bed but I don't recall prayer and the reality of a Savior in a personal relationship with a God who who loves you above all things and wants to know you intimately that was never my understanding of who God was he was this far away distant judging condemning father who I knew that I could never measure up for as a child I suffered with instances of sexual abuse which I think distorted my understanding of authority and innocence and struggling with an eating disorder just different things that I think caused wreaked havoc on my identity and therefore I suffered a tremendous identity crisis and no one ever said oh but you are a child of God no matter what first and foremost I don't recall those words everybody assumed you knew all that maybe you know I mean they they assume where you go to church you do this well she must know this well I think my parents entrusted the upbringing of my faith to the system to the school system and to and and now I know that I I and my husband are the primary educators of our children's faith but I think my parents sought out the experts and and believed that they would lead and guide and I was the sheep that just kept going that away if you will so into high school you're saying you're still yes fine in terms of the external practice of the faith in the family we made it look good and therefore it must be good and so through the majority of my teenage years I did most things to get the attention affirmation and acceptance of my peers or adults or people in my life that I sought an approval from never seeking it from the Lord and knowing I would have it always seeking it in people places and things and what really rocked my world was the death of my mother at age 18 and her unexpected death senior year in my high school really allowed all of us as a family to walk in this faith that we supposedly held in such high regard and as you know a tree with strong roots can weather any storm and I had none and so it was really at that time when I realized what I saw professed to be right living really had no no foundation whatsoever and it was at that point in time within just a few months that all of the behaviors that I judged so harshly others being a part of I condemned if you will and showed no mercy because I judged that to be weak I found myself using every crutch available to me to numb every wound that had been inflicted in the pain that came with an identity crisis I guess that's the only way I can describe I remember in the early scenes of Gone with the Wind when you know the main character with the girl right now I can't think of her name I can't believe like anything of her name but the family prays a rosary in the movie hmm she's all about herself yet she's there with the rosary she's you know movies about herself herself herself and so as a resolved she's just totally disconnected that's well well said well said I mean I've been preoccupied with myself from birth and I make no bones about saying that and sought attention and affection and affirmation from people places and things and when I couldn't get those and those things failed me I chose not to turn to the Lord because he was this distant judging father who clearly would not want anything to do with an unworthy person when you're driven to have this fulfillment for yourself yeah and you don't get it the panic can be to work harder to get harder to get there so you're even less open yes to the right answer because you just you can't give up on the on the on this task that'll fill it's good for you I mean there you are that's correct in all of those exercises were temporary you know they did they did serve a temporary purpose however they all ended in in vain and more emptiness and more brokenness and I moved from that you know that feeling of self justification to self-pity at the death of my mother without a doubt to self-hatred for the choices of behavior becoming a drug addict of going back into my eating disorder addictions of smoking drinking drugging promiscuity just every single thing that could numb and erode my dignity that I didn't know was inherent and give it to me as a child god I didn't I didn't I didn't know that nobody ever said to me hey baby God works all things for good for his glory for those who love Him when my mother died we didn't mourn the death of my mother that I remember that I recall so I mourned it in my own way to numb it and anesthetize her you're talking about your high school years all the stuff you're describing was a part of your high school years I did the right things until I was 18 and she died and it was downhill from there and I spent the next five years and what I call a pit and what I as I would define a pit it's that you can't stand you lost vision and you feel stuck and in my case whether I was thrown in slipped in her felon I constantly found myself in a place of despair and hopelessness and that lasted for about five years those behaviors of self-destruction permeated every part of my life where was your family during that time they were pretty much living in some of their own behaviors that weren't very pleasing to the Lord for the similar reasons probably my dad loved me as best he could from a distance and tried to call me back as best he could but it was not fathomable to him how I would have chosen that path despite what he judged to be such giftedness and talents that the Lord had given that I practiced for the first 18 years of my life and how all of that could be eroded because there really was no foundation sometimes families are described and obviously this is not locked solid but often the father's mind mother's heart of the family your heart of your family died is that when you look back when your mother was gone the heart yes without a doubt that was that was the person that I could say was my tangible christ-like example of love and mercy and forgiveness and she she held it all together despite so many of her own obstacles raising six children pretty much without the help of my father he worked outside the home and she raised us children and a beautiful job she did and did point to our faith whether we chose to grasp onto it or not in my case I didn't I chose to step outside my faith and seek alternatives that were degradation and like I said eroded the very dignity that God gave me and that lasted for about five years five years did you have a a guilty conscience during the time I killed my conscience I understand now the importance of a well-formed conscience mine was deformed malformed and uninformed and I believe that you can do that at some period of time especially as you've identified in terms of the the criteria of conscience itself if that's as you look back yes I don't put words in your mouth I mean that's what sounds like to me as you look back your conscience your self became the the grid of your conscience would determine what was right for that conscience that's correct if it felt good I did it and the more I did the things that I knew were not pleasing to God the more distant I felt from him and the less worthy I felt of ever returning to his church or my faith or who it is that I know now that he called called me to be and so I did those behaviors for like I said about five years until they consumed my life and my existence to the degree where life life was not even something I wanted to be a part of anymore and where suicide was the next viable option is about how how bad it got your life would be I'd be better off not here and so the self-pity he went to self-hatred when she went to self condemnation and like I said I've always been preoccupied with self it just it was a different form of self your message carries a message also to our audience because to look at you all this stuff you wouldn't think this stuff's going on you know and that's that's a message in itself that you can't look on the outside of somebody and always be sure what's going on in the inside because we can we can put on a facade altogether that we're all together but that can be just a complete facade and in the defense of those people who operate under those parameters as I was that person I did believe if it looked good and you could put it together and make it presentable that then it must be good and somehow through osmosis it would become what it's supposed to be and I know now that those efforts were truly in vain but I but I didn't know then I had eyes I couldn't see I had ears I couldn't hear and I was on a path of self-destruction and anything in my path was you know taken out if I was on a mission you fool yourself with is correct denial is not only a river in Egypt so five years of it what have yours of it I did the geographical care my grandmother who I loved who was an excellent example of God's mercy and grace also said shopping was the cure I tried that too if I some would say it was a shop alive it had a holic after it that was absolutely me anything that had to do with slavery and captivity bondage that was maker for the majority of those years so you move so I picked up and moved but I found out wherever you go there you are and so there I found myself surrounding myself with the same people places and things that I had left in the state of New Jersey and so having nowhere to go you know considering myself homeless they say but really there was not a safe place for me to be where I wouldn't disrupt the lives of my family members who were at that point had their own lives and so I was able to check myself into a treatment center and that was the first inclination of you know when suicide wasn't an option you know I I don't know if it happens to other people when I called the suicide hotline and they said please hold that was concerning to me please hold who said that and so they directed me into a treatment center that was you know a local treatment center and they said set me up with an appointment for them so my friend took me there Monday morning and and I have to tell you Marcus I believed that they were going to teach me to be normal because I was not a normal person and they said oh no this is about abstinence and I said Wow I couldn't even spell that nevermind embrace it as part of my existence I could not live a day without something that would numb my pain a slave to draw is what I was and so when I went into treatment that is when I was introduced to a god that was the first time that I you have to admit that your powers in the 12-step programs a 12-step program done with a concept of God as absolutely as your higher power and so I loved that there was this God who was who was I don't know I didn't think I knew him as merciful just then and loving and all-powerful I just know he was powerful enough to take away these this addiction that consumed every part of my being and not just with drugs everything and I can honestly say that I now know the power of the cross to be either delivering us 100% entirely or giving us the ability to endure it and I didn't know that and God delivered me immediately from the desires to use drugs to the degree that I did on July 10th of 1989 when I walked in that facility and so I was praising his name and loving this newfound God and really embracing my powerlessness I was so happy to say I'm Judy I'm powerless over everything everything has controlled me for the majority of my life and so that lasted long enough until I forgot about who God was again and it hadn't connected to each childhood faith no absolutely was different it was just some tangible thing that I could grasp onto and I embraced the 12-step programs and believed it was it changed my life but unfortunately the change was not lasting because it was not a change of heart it was a conversion to some degree but it was not a transformation my heart was still that of stone and I again went through the motions and wanted to be the best 12-stepper I wanted to be the best and that I knew it but just didn't that's exactly right a new vice virtue was not anywhere in in the process and so that was great that I had this new God but it was a temporary thing and so I saw it once again my satisfaction in people places and things and as God would have it he used my gifts and talents and put me in a position to sell I had no education I tell people I graduated from two places a treatment center and the seminary I mean it had to be God who does that and so I found myself in a sales position and ice the same way I partied a few will or the same way I sought to get out of my own skin I sought to sell and I sold and became the most successful salesperson in the country in a very short period of time and the only reason I say that information is because I was bankrupt at 20 and a millionaire at 30 and again that has no value except it had to be God that could allow those things to happen but it points to a drive that you had as a partyer character absolutely do this if it's if I was doing it here and which is the danger of the 12-step program which I don't want to denigrate the program but just a god have you created in your own image or that's exactly oh sure no reason to serve Him if he was anything like me it was a temporary thing unfaithful unmerciful not dependable so there again he just got put back on a shelf and it was that very convenient relationship of well if I need you for a really good parking spot or you know the next big sale then I would pray and I became so successful I say that I was a legend in my own mind and I built my Kingdom and that's exactly what it was and I lorded over people in the same self-righteous way I did as a youth but now I had been delivered and I have I made it and I judged you to be less than me and made no bones about that type of personality the addictions were behind you addiction those addictions were then behind me so now they were just different ones they were all success absolutely just a new addiction that just jogging and God wasn't part of the equation at all at this point can I like you know what God is always with us and I don't know it was part of every single facet of it but cognizant to me absolutely not when people said you know look at how blessed you are you have such a story to tell from rags to riches and I would say are they great are they great or they would say you know how do you thank God for your blessings and I would say you know what I do I do thank him and when someone would speak that truth into my life for just a moment in time I think I gave God just a little bit of the glory but the majority of the time I was patting myself on the back my own achievements and what I had been able to accomplish how sad was that was so sad well success can be very intoxicating yes and that it was and so when people would say you know are you religious I would say oh no I'm just spiritual spiritual and there was that one ounce of spirituality as a part of my life and then I met my husband and he was going to fix everything I met the perfect person and so I met Bob and he came to me with different upbringing than Catholicism but clearly neither one of us had God on our radar in any way shape or form and we got married and we got married in a Catholic Church and I will tell you I remember vividly standing before kneeling before the statue of Mary and Bob and I trying to figure out why we were there and how long we needed to sits kneel there that would be appropriate and little did I know she would be the one who would lead me right to her son in that same marital Union 10 years later but at the time was absolutely oblivious to the church and the sanctified union that was taking place so when you and Bob get married are you still in your sales success and all driven all of that absolutely and emasculating him all along the way it's scary for him to marry into that yes you know with with a wife so driven in business and success and all of that and as I built my kingdom I continued to send messages to him as a man as a father and a husband that says I don't need you I got this and that was out of my own fear my own fear and pride that I did not want to need anyone my experience was you won't come through for me so I I got this and so we had four healthy children and then I realized I think we we're cognizant of God's existence at the birth of our children there's there was just something very profound like I wanted to take all the credit for that but I knew that God there's something bigger than me that something so pure could come out of something so impure and be healthy and whole and that God entrusted me with these four children but that was short-lived too till we got home and then customers called and I was back on the phone okay absolutely yeah and so that continued to feed me to the degree that our marriage slowly eroded the same way my dignity slowly eroded unbeknownst to me that's exactly what was happening but I was so busy building my kingdom that the blinders were just it's almost sad at this point how because I could survey people and they would say I saw that coming and God would always play someone in my life in the secular world to say to me God loves you and as I would be living to have people serve me someone would step into my life and say God still loves you and I would I would dismiss that immediately well if the criteria of your conscience is based on what's successful that was what you accomplished then when your marriage is falling apart and these things are falling apart but you're still successful but I'm still successful in this it's like well but this is what I'm supposed to do this is ending the process people get hurt everything else gets sacrificed before that goal of self success itself and grand iseman I mean is that where you were caught up in it absolutely except I wasn't even I mean I wasn't even aware that my marriage was deteriorating and I don't think I was even aware that it wasn't what I thought it was I believed that you could will those things into existence I could will that to be what it looked like we dressed it up and made it look really great but it clearly was not a sanctified Union as God intended with three people you know I say that I just learned that I that me myself and I is not the Trinity I just someone just enlightened me to that recent in the recent past but that's I believe that and now I know that that God must be present in all of that but at the time it was not even something I would even consider and so by the grace of God in 2003 Bob and I made a new year's resolution that we were going to get God just the way we get what he's gonna get God because we had these four children we had every that money could buy clearly our life would be something that anyone would look at and desire to have because we had everything except we really had nothing absolutely nothing so we made a pact to get God that was our New Year's resolution it's a good place to pause great time for a break alright so you've made a resolution you're gonna go about it the way you've always done to get absolutely alright we'll come back and find out when we come back with a quick thanks to you thank you welcome back to the journey home our guest tonight is Judy here and you described that very successful salesman in fact yeah you were in the printing industry is obviously yes yeah it was interesting that the I'm not unlike many as the technologies and new technologies come along opportunities for success and new fields just abound sometimes you know if you land in the right place you've got the skills in the hood spa I mean there's there's no end to what you can accomplish and it can feed that that self you know the feeling of self success and soft control and self sufficiency I don't need anyone that's why it's almost the almost amazing you did get married you know in the midst of that you know god bless him that that he would love you and want to become a part of a person for so successful well he was mistaken he thought I had it all together yeah well you had the facade which was was what made you successful in that but as we paused you were that you decided together that you're gonna find God and that was a part of your marriage reaching maybe a loss point yes well and at that point well what as we I've said it's been a preoccupation of self my entire journey of faith has been about self and at this point the self importance was slowly I don't want to say it was dissipating but the reality of my vocation as wife and mother although I couldn't have called it that I wouldn't have been able to articulate it as that then was just there was just something stirring within me that there's got to be more I have a bigger responsibility than to provide my kids are going to follow my example and I was not a good example and so we made this we're gonna get God and so Bob's way of getting God was to go to church on Sunday my way of getting God was to sign up for everything in anything that I possibly could to learn everything that I possibly could about my Catholic faith and so I by the grace of God when I said I'm going to get him I went back to the only place I had been introduced to him which was in the Catholic Church and so I read and studied and learned and what I didn't realize Marcus is during that time and that was in January of 2003 that God was preparing my heart and everything about my journey of faith to come to a screeching halt and bring it to its ultimate destruction with every intention on the Lord's part to rebuild it from the ground up and I said in the beginning of the show I believe that God loves us so much he's like bend your knees or I'm breaking your legs and so I tried I tried it my will my way for a long time and so for a few months I was reintroduced to God and I was directed to books and things that made me just want to learn more about this God you know not the God that I had in you know understood him to be judging not merciful policemen in the sky never living up to without earning entertaining that was the God I knew and I didn't want to worship that God this God was all about love and mercy and forgiveness and I loved that that's what I wanted to learn more and as God prepared my heart on April 17th is the day that I found out that my marital Union is not was not what I had believed it to be and so the demise of my marriage was the absolute pivotal point in my life that is the day that I got on my knees and said there's nothing impossible for God let it be done according to your will I am the handmaid of the Lord and as it would be that's the reading for today and it was at that time where I said I come to do your will and that's your psalm for today and it was at that time of total devastation hopelessness despair brokenness that I would be going through my life that seems so perfect on the outside that was brought to the ground in one instant as a single mother of four children under the age of six years old and so I flew to Florida to tell my parents so Bob search for God during that time but I was doing this thing and I was doing my thing we just always did it me and you ended up apart we weren't apart emotionally physically mentally and spiritually we were like roommates but at that point in time was when I found out our marriage wasn't what I thought it was to be and clearly the only option as a result of what had gone on was to be divorced and so I took my children and packed up and went to Florida and said to my parents I need your blessing now this is my dad and his new wife I need your blessing on divorcing this man I need to know that it's okay and my mother was insistent about us attending a retro vibe weekend which is a marriage ministry within the Catholic Church for broken marriages it's a spinoff from The Marriage Encounter people who are there are not being enriched people who are there are broken and I thought it would be an absolute waste of time but to make a very long story short by the grace of God my husband and I stepped foot into that retro by weekend and by the grace of God we chose to make a decision to love forgive dialog and pray and it was as if the moment as the picture is behind me that I had come home that God opened the door and said welcome home and it was at that time on April 17th were the only place I could find solace and peace was in the Eucharist and I ran to Mary and I ran to Mass like I did everything else and it was the most profound time in my life to experience the presence of God and I was in such pain that I don't know what I prayed other than a lot of times I said change me that was really my ultimate prayer change me Lord changed me and I knew that I would be changed if I received his body and blood in the Eucharist I knew that and now that you mean from the seeds plant as a child I will say that that's infused knowledge great I don't need to realize that's just saying you got truly just knew the was I knew that I knew this was where I should be and Mary who I kneeled down to and said what am i doing in front of this silly statue and why am I here little did I know as I said earlier that the Divine Mercy chaplet was the prayer that I said when I wasn't broken and crying and Bob will tell you that it was a two-year cry you should cried for two years but it was so healing and cleansing it was exactly what had to take place in my kingdom for God to say Oh baby it's so not about you but it is about you and the way that I have loved you and that what was meant for ill I will make for good and your history will someday be your destiny and you just keep both hands and don't look back but I'm convinced that's why they have a rear view mirror that's so small and the windshield so big so we don't have to look back unless it's for our own safety and well-being we can look forward into what God has planned for us so we went to the retro by ministy and we agreed to rebuild our marriage and from the ground up piece by piece God did exactly that and so I found myself again searching more and more for I just wanted more of this feeling of peace in total uncertainty and despair I just was on my own journey Bob to some degree was on his and we would come together and share what we were learning in our in the retro vibe program I was to say in that weekend you know we don't want to talk about what happens at the weekend because that's part of the the power of it but what would you say with a bill one thing about the weekend the the fact that in that environment you too were forced to have the conversation you needed to have or was it the spiritual talks it was absolutely the Spirit of the Lord in that place amidst his broken people saying there is hope and healing and it can only be found in me so get God this is where youyou went to get him and you got him and so the decision that was made on both of our parts to love forgive and dialogue and pray is how we left that weekend and and that's what we did we did what we were told I mean we were a good student of the law if you will we were gonna do the next right thing if it killed us and so we did that and for months I again I still sought anything I could as far as enrichment and to learn about our Catholic faith I wanted more than anything to learn about our Catholic faith so I could impart it into my unto my children and they would not find themselves in the states of slavery and bondage that their mother did and so I wanted I want him to make their own mistakes their new mistakes but not my mistakes and so someone he came alongside of me and said you know you really should consider the seminary with my past and my lack of education and my lack of grace if you will for the many years of my life I didn't even think that would be possible and so I still applied to the st. Francis seminary in Milwaukee and as it turned out the time that I was actually attempting to apply they do it every two years they accept new applicants and I applied but I was two weeks out from them you know stopping the admission process and it was a one-year process and so people said well you probably won't get in you know you don't have an education you're not working in ministry you've been away from the church I mean I was away from the church from 18 years old until 37 and so I said to Mary Claire on the way and when I went to confession for the first time the priest said I'll tell you what just dot the i's and cross the t's but now then the knowledge of the sacrament of confession and how beautiful that is we run to that Secor when there's a family whenever we fall apart knowing the love and mercy of God and so as it turned out I got one letter after another from the seminary saying you have been admitted to the next stage of the application process and so when I walked in those seminary doors and many of my peers I mean I remember specifically I didn't look like them I didn't act like them I didn't have their ministerial experience and certainly did not have their walk of faith but I had a love for the Lord and a passion to know him and to love him in his church and serve and when people said how did you get in I said God chose me God invited me I'm the hundred sheep I'm the last one wasn't complete until I showed up and that that isn't said with any sense of self-righteousness but I really believed that God chose me to be in that place in that time and to learn and I really thought it was just an academic situation I would just learn about my faith and then I could teach it to my children and I didn't realize that it was a formational program and the concept was that I would be formed into the image and likeness of our Lord on a daily basis by doing what they asked me to do and it was the the most graceful time of my life as I learned about God and his love for me I just felt more and more in love with my Catholic faith I felt more and more in love with my husband who chose to stay and fight for our marriage and I tell them every day thank you for staying baby and fighting because with God nothing is impossible and I would not have I would have not known that and so I graduated from the seminary after four years so that's two graduations and my dad said I'm definitely coming to this graduation because I missed your one from the treatment center because he wasn't invited to that one and so I couldn't tell people that I was I was not worthy to stand in his church and minister and be amongst the spiritual Giants that I were was at the st. Francis seminary but I know that that God had a plan for me and it was it was all good for good so I found myself in the seminary graduated from the seminary and part of the process of discernment is exactly that it's discerning where it is that you are called and my spiritual companion about two years into the program he said it's about time to realize it's not about you this isn't because I was still preoccupied with myself and how can this benefit me and my family people can go to seminary for themselves people can go into ministry for themselves again even in our work in the coming home network when we're trying to help non Catholic clergy into the church sometimes as they're being drawn into the church so I'm still thinking it's about me God's calling me into this and what about your marriage and your family and and forget that it's about Jesus and I didn't know that and again you know that's one of the precepts of the churches to instruct the ignorant and I had great people instructing me and just in God's time would speak the truth and love to me to say Oh baby actually no it's not about that God has a much bigger plan beyond the confines of your home and my kids used to say mom when are you gonna work outside of our home and I said well if it's based on when I can live the gospel here probably never because I always feel unworthy of living the gospel in the way that you know God would intend but I do I do know that God has chosen me to carry a message of hope and healing to a world that is so broken and to say that living anything short of the life of abundance that God has for you is living in slavery and that does not have to be Marcus the depth of slavery that I live that those really big unacceptable social things that's bitterness and unforgiveness and resentment and greed and just all of the things that erode the abundant life that God intends for us to have as we walk in the freedom of him and I spent many years in the seminary groveling of my over my own unworthiness and again at some point someone had to give me the two-by-four and say that's rooted in pride your sins are no no greater than God's mercy lest he died in vain and so those I was so willing to receive those truths and make them my own and believe without a shadow of a doubt that you know my history is indeed my destiny we've got an email that might just tie in right now okay because I know now you're still trying to discern you know what God's calling you next and how to use that which is what every single person is called to debate that is the is to break that bond and focus on self and be open to what God wants to use this for in our lives for his glory okay this is a email Bethany from Maine writes I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and while I'm trying to get things together I keep getting discouraged and falling back into old bad does Judy have any tips for how to keep my life on track I also have a hard time believing God has forgiven me for what I've done that's Bethany ok well Bethany as as far as I'm concerned what has worked for me profoundly is approaching the sacraments every day I believe in the transforming power of the Eucharist and the Word of God and I could not then in my brokenness get enough of that and unfortunately I was not catechized well and I was not evangelized well and again message based on the disposition of the recipient but I know now to believe God at His Word and to sit in his word and learn his truths I mean Satan believes in God it's not enough to believe him we have to but that's not excuse me it's not enough to believe in him we have to believe him that he is who he says and he does what he says and we are who he says we are and nobody nobody can tell us any different so that my suggestion for Bethany is you know to you seek the Lord and you will never ever seek Him in vain and seek Him through the sacraments well there's the mystery of the sacraments because you were receiving the sacraments as a young woman even when you were totally not aware of what they meant all right but so on the one hand they're not magic just receiving going to confession if your heart's not there your minds not there on the one hand it's not magic but on the other hand it is the fact that you're here speaks values the fact you did have the sacraments the baptism I believe they're sacraments that the Lord was there the Lord was present we can squelch but the Lord is there just waiting waiting he's a perfect gentleman rule and I've not experienced a lot of those in my life so that's a beautiful thing he just waits patiently for us another email Dave from Kansas City my son and his wife are going through a rough time right now they have demanding jobs and neither of them seem happy with their marriage it breaks my heart to see them investing time and effort into their work but not into their life together can Judy offer any encouragement for this situation or ideas to reach them well I think as again my own personal experience I saw if we don't seek freedom we seek shelter and usually those things that we seek shelter in are oppressing us further to some degree or another and in this case it's in their jobs and in things you know we seek we seek those things that bring us what we feel will make us feel accepted and loved the very thing that only God can provide and I would strongly encourage without a doubt the retro vibe ministry which is an international ministry that ministers to troubled marriages and there they have a website and weekends all over the world and it's a it's an incredible opportunity for them to rebuild their marriage and refocus on what it is like Bob and I say for better and worse er well and I would also add that you know God does call men and women sometimes too very demanding jobs yes - very demanding careers and when we look in history they're great heroes in in the work environment that made big differences in our world in a very positive way and so there are demands and so we don't want to come off saying you know just jobs are bad now and there's some in our culture that would say that so what what is needed is the spiritual direction that we each need so that we can sometimes recognize that we are not seeing how we've become absorbed in our work even men and ministry men and women and ministry can put that beyond their family yeah there's the wisdom of the church and in celibacy recognizing as Paul said a man who's married has to look at the needs of his wife a man that isn't can look at the needs of the church and so there's that so men and women who have callings and they believe in careers the need for spiritual direction no one the promises where there's a dearth of spiritual directors finding one I mean I that's why there's wonderful groups like Opus Dei and other groups that will give spiritual direction particularly for men and women who are seeking holiness as lay men and women are called to holiness exactly to be Saints in their workplace it doesn't necessarily mean they have to to give up great careers but they've got to make sure they have the spiritual guidance to keep it in balance absolutely the next well doing the next right thing is easier said than done for many of us all right Cheryl from Oklahoma email what sort of counsel can I give my family member who feels abandoned and not loved by God been there done that and that time still want to feel that I'm not worthy of God's love but I I think that we have to rerecord over the tapes that that family member is playing in their mind and relearn about a God who is all loving all powerful all merciful and can and can be found through the sacraments seeking other holy godly people as examples of God's love I mean I found God's presence through the people that he placed in my life although I didn't put my faith and hope and trust in those people because that had proved to fail me in the past I knew that they represented God simply in the way that they loved me and called me back into being his child just thinking it's too bad we couldn't talk to your mother to find out how much you've been praying for you you know I mean absolutely I mean the prayer that this person that just called here about their their child what's that word for intervening into someone's life but you can't force them out of a self-centered lifestyle but the prayer that is behind that that was probably there in your parents for you whether you knew it or absolutely was what later I believe not only my mother who passed away but my dad's new wife was another Christ like example and as far as that abandonment email God never abandons us never leaves us never forsakes us never abandons us never as much as we want to believe it it's a lie all right Jesse from Wisconsin writes when I started tuning in DW 10 lately I found the channel by accident and it brings back many good memories of being raised Catholic since becoming an adult I've pretty much shelved my faith for raising a family in pursuing the career I've been thinking about getting more involved with church and would appreciate prayers and advice I mean you jumped in to the seminary it may not happen for everybody that way I listen to some advice on him wanting to come back sometimes it is hard to come back as like you said all the tapes are there from your childhood experiences in the church I believe it I think I've said on the show so far as I believe that we never seek the Lord in vain we take one step to him and he takes two back in our direction and if you seek Him you will find him in his church and his people in the sacraments and obviously the seminary four-year program every Saturday with 4 kids under the age of 6 is not ideal for everyone there are so many formational opportunities are so many enrichment opportunities that need to be sought out but they are absolutely available and and I love I love those opportunities to and to invite people back where they do feel welcomed and embraced I remember when I first when I came back to the church if it wasn't for those people making me feel that it was a place that I would be welcome I don't know that I would have come back and stayed back did the the Catechism help you did you find that help to you the new catechism that was part of the teaching in the seminary was to study the Catechism of the Catholic Church and the more I studied the whys behind what we do as Catholic people the more in love with the church I fell and I and that's what I loved I don't recall Marcus any of the things that I'm learning now and have been learning as part of the foundation although clearly seeds were planted over there but yes yeah you weren't a recent soil as Jesus would know I was the rocky ground for sure but I do encourage folks if you're trying to get back I I know there are alcohol turn to voices to this but I believe that the Catechism is a great gift to us it really is and our Holy Father blessed John Paul the second said in the beginning of that that the reason this is the compendium this will help you understand and bring it together and read it slowly maybe a page a day it also begins from the beginning to the end it has a whole structure to help you discover all the aspects of our faith I strongly encourage the Catechism let's say we've got somebody watching that's just like that last email that is caught up now where you were what would you like to say to encourage them to make the same journey home you've made in which place where I was in this state of slavery and a broken marriage and we're consumed with financial success and earning entertaining in all of it yeah boy maybe they'd be watching that'd be great yeah if they were caught up in there why should they make the same journey home you've named I have struggled my whole life to be able to be in my own skin I have struggled my whole life to be loved and accepted and it is only can only be found in the love that comes from the Lord and in his church and I spent so many years I don't even want to say they were wasted Marcus because it was all it was all God's doing in all of those years of pain but the bondage that I lived in is so not the reason that Jesus died it is so not why we have what we have in the Catholic Church come home well it's certainly not wasted never because as st. Paul says in the first chapter of second Corinthians that we are comforted that we might comfort in the same way that we were comforted it empowers us to be able to comfort because of what you went through he has given you and the perspective from that perspective that other people may never have because you were caught up in that's exactly right and you're not called to point fingers but you can say as you still a bit ago I've been there done and may be that the Lord can use your witness both here on the journey home program what other opportunities well and when I was in the seminary I'd like I said I spent too the first for two out of the four years groveling in my own unworthiness and they finally said you know baby you've you've groped your way into the light from the darkness and I'll live like you are forgiven now live like a forgiving person as Brennan Manning says all right so there's the grace that empowers us to do thank you Judy thank you thank you thanks for joining us on the program and thank you for watching this program listening to it hope it's been an encouragement to you you might know someone in your life that's going through the same stuff the power of prayer the power of love the power of forgiveness and all because of the power of our Lord god bless you see you next week

Channel: EWTN

Views: 16,759

Rating: 4.8216562 out of 5

Keywords: HEHR, Catholic, home, convert, revert, JHT01349

Id: Wg76D4GRg74

Length: 56min 0sec (3360 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 27 2012