The Great Radio Comedians - PBS Doc with Jack Benny, George Burns, Edgar Bergen (5/11/72)

[Music] [Music] percent over radio doing back there at Bergen yeah that's what we started out on that kind of a radio yeah yes but this is not just an ordinary radio now yeah it has an attachment you see scientists have insisted that sounds do not die the vibrations keep traveling through space are they dying yes and if we have an instrument sensitive enough we can pick up sounds of the past this machine will do it sir don't say yes well don't give this such a long commercial just turn it on all right I will I think it's this one we'll do it there dude now we listen [Music] we bring you the great radio comedians 19 memorable minutes of your colony favorites [Music] you know radio [Music] it's the great radio comedians starring Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy George Burns Jack Bening Jim to the Maggie Jordan Bing Crosby and the famous original denizens of Allen Sally Kenny Delmar a senator clock horn Minerva Pius is pansy Ness pal Parker Finley is Titus Moody and Peter Donald as Ajax Cassidy you'll also hear from Fred Allen Bob Hope Gracie Allen Mary and Molly Maggie Jordan Eddie Cantor Fanny Brice and others [Music] your announcer Ken Roberts as the 1940s ended a real live radio drama was being played in 10 million American homes the true-to-life story which asked the question can a homely wooden box with a knobby front and plain cloth speaker continue to find love and success after 20 years in competition with a younger more attractive medium the 1950s answered that question and radio as we had known it virtually disappeared but when the 1940s began it was a far different story this little invention had already changed America think of it for the first time in history a single voice could speak to the entire population simultaneously suddenly we were all sharing the same telephone party line [Music] my [Music] by the 1940s radio was America's most popular art form everyone loved it people arrange their lives so they wouldn't miss their favorite programs they listen to drama commentators music quiz shows but the sounds they preferred year after year after year were the voices of the people who made them laugh the great radio comedians its Maxwell House coffee time sorry George Burns and Gracie Allen [Music] [Applause] with yours truly bill Goodwin and the music to Meredith Wilson in his orchestra oh gosh honey I feel like a damn fool going to college at my age I dread that first class what did you think proud American history and I'm terrible when I should have been studying history I was in vaudeville oh I'll bet you're very good in history you do huh yesterday the professor asked what great American state longest in the capital I answered Al Jolson even I know better than that certainly was Eddie Cantor you should be proud to be going to college and running things honey my friends are laughing at me last night the fellas called up and wanted me to go to a burlesque show with them I had to say I can't guys haven't finished my homework all right but when you do go to a burlesque show you'll enjoy it more because you've studied Anatomy I tell you honey I'm too old to go to college yesterday we were discussing the Battle of Gettysburg and the professor called on me well what's wrong with that he wanted an eyewitness account no I need the radio practically in its infancy the big stars of radio then was was Eddie Cantor Jason Sam Barnard Rudy Vallee and Amos and Andy and then Gracie and myself we came into radio in Jack Benny and Fred Allen and everybody was in the first 10 all the time because there were only 8 act some radio so we're all in the flesh then all the time all the fellas that woman radio and the women that one radio you couldn't keep them out of show business or take edwin let's say and when went from radio and the television it was the same Edwin he resumed the same character he did on the stage Edgar Bergen II wasn't radio and he did that same thing with Charlie McCarthy and what though she'd cut that all with him and we did the same thing so I don't think anybody really makes the change I don't think there's a big change the difference between vaudeville and raid material was the fact that in in vaudeville you did the same things every week you were positive that the laughs were there because you had 17 minutes you know where every joke was you know where the timing was you know where they'd laugh and radio you didn't they had to do new things every one you had to have a good delivery you had to have a personality who had had some sort of charisma some magic that came through the box the goal of the day someone wait [Music] the mound Gracie how's your cousin and the people at state a radio all habit but they changed material everyday and the difficult thing it wasn't so difficult you read it you'd read the jokes or you'd read the dialogue and the property man or the sound man would slam the door he'd pick up the telephone you could say hello and you'd a good phone conversation and he dropped the phone and everybody was working and you were taking buzz radio was much easier than television television you got to pick up the phone yourself that's not easy I loved all the show business but I started when I was six or seven years old I sang that the peewee quartet used to pass the hat around and then I played football and I was a small-time bought the life until I was 27 years old and I was very bad but the Thetas were worse than I was and finally I met Gracie Gracie was looking to do something cuz she was an Irish actress before that she was working the fella called Larry Riley in doing Irish sketches she was a great Irish dancer and a great Irish actress and Gracie took up a look at us and I asked her whether she'd like to work with me and she said she would from then on I turned out turned out to be a very very good act because she was very good well I made myself the comedian and I came out on the stage with my hat turned up in a big red bow tie and wide pants in the very short coat and Gracie came out dressed beautifully she was the straight one and we played boom New Jersey and there wasn't much of an audience out there but the people like Gracie the minute they saw and they laughed when she asked the questions and they didn't laugh when I told the answers you know I've smoked cigars and I wanted to continue smoking so I gave her all the jokes when Gracie took over the act when she got to be the comedian I had all kinds of jokes I had sarcastic jokes I had wisecracks and I also had jokes that were off-center that was sort of on the dumb side as well I can't like you push you're a nice little dizzy girl and the audience loved the dumb jokes and they didn't laugh at the wisecracks and they didn't laugh at the sarcasm because Gracie was a very dainty little thing and they wouldn't accept that from Romeo and Juliet there's a book written by Shakespeare where a man makes love to a girl on a balcony yeah well that's why I didn't read it because I feel the fella can't afford to take his girl in the orchestra he shouldn't make it to a theatre at all and she told the wildest kind of jokes we call them illogical logic they made sense but only to Gracie those were her best jokes [Music] and a sense of concentration was simply marvelous - Gracie there was that there was no audience and there were no footlights that was a wall as far as Gracie was concerned we're just four walls and if anybody needed a straight man it was Gracie because she'd never wait for anything she she talked natural you know when you talk you don't wait for laughs unless somebody says something you know that container which was my job I wouldn't not with very big lines my lines were old well I did all kinds of great stuff here's a nice little water pump number onii-sama nobody uh yeah say you know my brother went in swimming yesterday stayed under the water six hours six hours yeah if you stay under the water five minutes you die yeah I know he found that out he found that out how do you like this happen I said we were swimming and died women you're Irish yeah believe me there's a lot of fun yeah and it'll even be better tomorrow when they put water in it water in it yes we went on the Rory Valley show and we did very well and about a week later we went on the Guy Lombardo show it was Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians the sweetest music this side to heaven and then Lombardo left the show we took over the show and that's the way we started radio [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I can also tell you what you're thinking about I'm a mind reader listen Gracie is there anything that phases you I don't think so no I think of something all right I'm thinking the green is what great does it hang from the ceiling and whistle hang from the ceiling it wishes does it run along the flooring thing listen just a minute I thought you said that you could read my mind well how can I read your mind if you keep on asking me all those silly questions listen let's talk about something else how is your brother my brother well I think they ought to open up all the prisons it would help prosperity wait a minute that's the wrong answer no that's the right answer but you asked the wrong question and when she was about 34 or 35 years old she said to me I can't do this character anymore I'm too old to be that silly and I said no you're not because if you're born stupid you stay stupid all your life you're stupid when your one year old and when you're ten years old and when you're 80 years old but yet just your your your dialogue your your routines I have to fit your age like when we first started we did a joke with Gracie and a little whistle and I said I'm gonna kiss out and she said that's a policeman's whistle that's a fellas get fresh or try to kiss me I blow that and the policemen come yeah from last night I says now that joke you can do in your 22 but you can't do that when you're 35 I says now you do jokes like you're putting two roasts in the oven a small roast and a big roast and the little roast burns you know the big one is done I said that fits you wouldn't get 35 so funny she I convinced her and she went oh for the rest of her life playing that character when your rating drops when you drop five points at a time six points are three points that then there's something against you that night and that means your next rating will go up some big event is taking place but when you start to drop a point at a time and a half a point and a half a point and a point you're in real trouble that means you are losing your audience and we were then together about oh I would say about eight or nine years we had two children Ronnie and Sandy but we were still doing a street corner actor on radio in other ways Gracie would plate with the announcer when our rating dropped I went to all of my friends I went the Jack Benny and I said Jack I want I wish you'd listen to our show there's something going wrong i rating is dropping he says well he says you're not doing enough double routines I went to Georgie Jessel and Jessel listened and he said you're doing too many double routines then I went dad he can't do and that he can't this says Gracie isn't laughing enough somebody said grace he was laughing enough then somebody said you better use the eight-ball mic which was out of style he says the ape when you use the eight-ball Mike you had a great rating but something happened to you after you stopped using the 8 ball Mike so put back in obsolete Mike and Nate well Mike did everything nothing else is ready why me at Florida o'clock in the morning we're thinking I wanted you and I didn't want to I wanted to stay the show business I loved it and it finally dawned on me I says our jokes are too young for us were much older than the jokes were telling with married people and that did it and the next show I went on Isis Gracie might be married for 8 or 9 years they have two lovely children and from then on we wrote different jokes they were older and they fit of us our rating went up I dropped by to wish you luck tonight Jenny out I know you're gonna win the award well I wouldn't be too sure of that Gracie my competition will be very stiff well I'll take a few drinks yourself heaven was awfully good in the snake pit oh but Janie she had such an easy part an easy part Gracie she had to play a crazy girl I could do that with my eyes sure you gotta win that Oscar tonight ionize a crazy honors nervous as a bra I know just how you feel I remember my wedding day imagine getting so keyed up over the possibilities of getting a little lifeless imitation figure of a man what I married him and the funny thing is after grace he retired and I didn't wanna retire as I was retired but the 38 years while I wiped the Gracie I said nothing all I said was for 38 years how's your brother you'd have died this man then when Gracie were tired I had it going to show business and I had open oh no career for myself which I did you know I started to sing and I started to for Terron come on my knowledge is make fun of my cigars and Here I am it's the new Edgar Bergen hour with Charlie McCarthy I'll clip you they're gonna say Oh me Elmo you know [Music] [Applause] Rydia made it possible for a wooden dummy to realize Pinocchio's dream of becoming a real live boy Charlie McCarthy became one of the most popular stars of all with a little help of course from the unique comic genius of Edgar Bergen you know yes Charlie I've never made a will is there anything I can do yeah would you think this down yes of course I shall make I see being of sound mind yes otherwise in the heck of a mess do hereby decrease my telephone book of numbers to skinny Dugan my pal and do you birdie I leave all the money you owe me well thank you also my pet rat what would I do with a pet rat well maybe for teaching the park I see that all your possessions are disposed of well honey if I died only if you die don't go out of your way no no I I didn't mean it that way Charlie because if anything should happen to you why I I don't know what I would do no no I I just hate to think about it is the sort of work really that unpleasant to you Charlie McCarthy caught on in such a big way the fact maybe that they couldn't see him they couldn't be sure that he was a dummy you know because for three years I was answering letters is it true that charlie is not a human being that you're talking for both of them well Charlie became famous so famous that there were many articles with his name on them [Music] [Applause] [Music] we had the good fortune of receiving quite a few awards and now I'm going to suggest in all the patrol members here indicate their vote for you as an honorary member and a good round of applause for Charlie McCarty the schoolboy patrolman you got to save yourself with this decoration well it's a long story thank you is a long story an attorney one plus we went to the World's Fair in New York and appeared there Oh charlie how do you like the fair I think it's wonderful mayor wonderful that you bring sorry go out with you yeah but mayor come come come I love you exhibits would you like to say Wow [Music] maybe afterwards have rolled maybe down ovation after wife [Music] Wow he spends his time on [Music] I had my first dummy I made it from a mask a Halloween mask and and it worked fairly well as a start when I was in the eighth grade and that was the beginning of of my ventriloquism in my senior year in high school I got Charlie McCarthy I saw newsboy outside of the high school building their little Irish mousse boy from the Lakeview high school in Chicago and I sketched a picture of him in my history book I took that to the wood carver who made ventriloquist dummies and I got Charlie from the wood carver Owen about mayor so earlier May last of April and I appeared on a student recital we called it in Lakeview high school itis for all the students and the faculty well I was booked on Chautauqua that summer so I felt pretty cocky anyway and I knew there was a career ahead of me when I went to buy the bill in the fall and Charlie was a newsboy a little urchin with a little beanie on and the short pants and and he was selling newspapers we did this for 10 years all over America England and Canada and then in the 30s part of it started dying out so I was booked to play the Helen Morgan Club in New York I didn't think a newsboy was quite the thing for the nightclub I guess it would have worked but I'd asked Esquire magazine if I could make a dummy of eski they thought it was a good idea but then they changed their mind they thought they'd rather have Eskie be known as a magazine rather than a ventriloquist's dubbing so there was nothing for me to do then but to make Charlie the man about town so that's how we got in monocle top hat and tails when the head of T Walter Thompson heard that they'd booked a ventriloquist on that the Rudy Vallee show had been truly wish he says well he damn well better be funny that was the stuff the idea was ridiculous you know of a ventriloquist on radio my own show and originating in Hollywood started in about May of 1937 and that was an hour show he was a big show and we had down there meet she'd our killer more and WC Fields and another guest star every week being on the air for 20 years we had to cover an awful lot of subjects and Charlie got into about everything that a boy could get him to as years went on I had to add to the cast she said all night that's a good trick city slicker so I created the character of Mortimer and Mortimer fortunate choice was that he was a direct opposite of Charlie he was not a good-looking aide he was afraid of the girls he was bashful and he was stupid but he was lovable Marta Mary do you do you know the name of the stars oh no I don't know their names that's a turd over there oh yeah over there is Mars the s'mores yeah and did you know that Mars and the earth had the same Sun boy didn't even know they was married then as time went on I introduced a third character which was Effie clinker Effie clinker is a bachelor girl her life has not been without love it's just been sad love it's a it's just been tragic tell me miss clinker IRA are you married no no I'm not no darn it no comparing anyone yes anyone I don't well now what must this man have to to be your choice well first of all he must be a minute he must be a man and then those were the three characters are used on the radio show candy accepted Charlie hey Charlie resented candy a little bit because she he had to move out of her room because Charlie had his own room but they were very good friends so when she was about three years old she would sit on one knee and Charlie would said I'd buy other knee and they would talk back and forth and she would play along with the thing and it was just fine so I said to myself I'm either an awfully good ventriloquist or my daughter's a little stupid so I pressed my luck and I said candy isn't it wonderful how Charlie can talk and she says yesterday's daddy would you do move your lips a little Charlie style in silent comedy was he was fresh he didn't show respect either for me or for our guests and that made for the fun well I think the fact that he that he was a puppet made it harmless you know but also I could say things through Charlie that I could never say myself what's your outstanding memory of radio Charlie your favorite guest well of course WC Fields has to be none there one I guess he does yeah all the fights we had yeah remember when he said he said to me come over to my house I'll let you ride piggyback on a bus all yes that's right here and I said is that your nose mr. fields are you leading a tomato yes yes it's WCPO right oh can you see him well I could just see a little of it yeah I can see him sticking his nose in at all thinking his nose in it are ya oh well then it'll be five minutes for he gets here hello hello mr. peels hello who would take her snack bar bill I I can explain everything about that incident you see he was he was setting a skunk trap that's what he was doing okay the other evening as i was traversing my garden search of flora and fauna flora is my cooking a likable young lady makes wonderful crepes yes i believe all that but that's really none of my well I was working wrong when I am expecting Li tripped and the next thing I knew I was prostate on pair of farmer Hall which was not unusual in itself but let's get back to this contract remember experienced hospital after two days my hospital I took a turn for the nurse my leg six wheels of the big sphere that feature I wear what they find bill in the artist I expected the foul my lake was power good evening mr. fields why are you saying I said good evening at all let's not jump at conclusions Charlie I've been telling mr. field that you want to apologize now isn't that right yes it is yes I do mr. fields I do I remember how we used to fight mr. feel foolish wasn't it I said I'd slice you Whittle venetian flying remember how I talked you by saying that makes me shudder I taught you yeah why only laughs you ever got was the sneer from a disgruntled per mine why please please gentlemen ergonomic mr. fields just doesn't love me anymore that's all he'll come here I don't love you're a break every knock your body away people often ask me whether a WC Fields really hated Charlie you know and resented him getting laughs and things there's no truth and land at all Fields was a wonderful a wonderful character because he was a harmless villain it was harmless synthetic age and and you could see through it he was a great man to work with and of course we both agreed this would be the script and we would assemble it and then of course we would both go and dirty it up or or sneak in little toppers that we wouldn't tell the other one about him sometimes we'd get so far off that they would have to come and give us the sign you know one minute you gotta quit or two minutes oh then there was another one of course that you feuded with yeah mr. Lawton Charles Laughton hello Charles oh boy you had one fight to Bill one week and then the next week you both agreed to apologize and Lawton says I apologize for what I said last week I remember that and you know what I said no I said mr. Lawton I not only apologize for what I said last week before what I'm gonna say to you today oh yeah and then you asked him mr. Lawton is it true that you played the Hunchback of Notre Dame without any makeup Yosh that was a good one yeah yeah oh there were so many of them like with Clark Gable so you're Charlie McCarthy uh yeah so you're a dealer well I'm Edgar Bergen so what yeah between us jolly to what do you attribute your great success as a Casanova would you tell me well I really come on you could be frank with me yes I know but the Gobbo tell Dietrich I think I've got a picture of one of your favorite lady friends yeah yeah Oh Oh Marilyn Monroe oh yeah yes indeed yeah remember when you were engaged to Marilyn yeah Prime Minister Churchill he said this is America's darkest hour yeah if Charles McCarthy insists on marrying miss Monroe I have only this to say never before has one so little taken so much from so many well then there was one other girl Charlie yeah yes one that really was excited Mae West was on the show oh boy we went into hiding afterwards yeah when she said hello it kind of sounded sexy oh wow shaaka handsome hello tall blond and terrific hey Charlie did you smell that perfume yeah isn't it ravishing yes it is ravishing its weakness so help me I'm swimming mmm why it's my favorite perfume ashes of men man Holy Smoke you're not gonna make a singer out of media tell me miss West have you ever found the one man in your life that you could really love sure lots of time you look pretty good for me Charlie come here we're gonna play that through you're wrong well now that you ask oh you're right out through you're right well I'm finally confused but I need time for that one day that's all right I like a man what takes us time oh they may don't be so rough to me love is peace and quiet love that sleep of course the unusual thing most unusual broadcast we ever had was it was at Fort Ord Northern California we did the broadcast oh there must been 20 or 30,000 men there and after the show was over I do an after show for the men for with Charlie and I was doing a routine having fun than they were laughing and an officer came in and he says company 22 48 seconds to report to your barracks immediately and choices very funny very funny so I finished the routine and I anything goes you know so it was through and I said what was the gag he says japan has just bombed Pearl Harbor were at war yesterday December 7th 1941 a date which will live in infamy the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan Oh send the word send the word over there that the yanks are coming the yanks are coming the drums from coming everywhere so prepare to prepare send the word send the word to beware will be all we call me and we won't back over in the United States see these presidents greeting know either proposing special trust and confidence in the fidelity and abilities of Charles McCarthy I do hereby appoint him honorary Master Sergeant US Army Air Corps army of the United States hey pardon me I think I got caught in a dress Oh over there that the yanks are coming the yanks are coming the drums from coming everywhere so prepare to prepare send the word send the word to be where we'll be all and we won't [Music] [Applause] [Music] the mercury theater welcomes all you servicemen to an hour or two of magic hanky-panky hocus pocus and humbug we trust you like to be fooled we hope we fool you these are Army Signal Corps and Air Force pictures of a USO camp show bringing Hollywood to the boys in the South Pacific yes sir GI Joe sure loves his boat sedae z uq you're cool aw shucks [Music] look who's here Bob Hope I just want you boys to see what you're fighting for a [Applause] jungle fighter shows Bob a trick now you grab his hair Bob oh yeah a grapefruit has more hair than that honey new head the boys love autographs now Frances Langford and Maddy Thomas anybody care for an autograph autograph yeah they love autographs of Frances Langford and Patty Thomas so Bob dots colonna's gee I I got here last night so I had to sleep in the barracks for the men you know what barracks are two thousand cots separated by individual crap games today one of them pulled off his shirt handed me a tattoo needle and said okay make with the autograph boy and these Marines stick together and have a wonderful esprit de corps esprit de corps that's a French expression meaning see if she's got a sister [Applause] you know during the time they stay in boot camp these Marines have to forget completely about girls in fact at midnight the sergeant goes through the barracks with a flashlight waking up anybody that has a smile on his face [Applause] he likes to hear those big laughs those big belly laughs it sounded good on the radio you know somebody's flat I've seen Bob lots of times when we'd be on the road and be up late and traveling and tough schedules and he'd be exhausted and we'd arrive at the particular cantonment or military installation we were going to work I need would walk out in the stage and get that big burst of applause and those big laughs and you just see him pick right Oh physically it was like a shot in the arm or we were old friends from vaudeville I worked vaudeville with hope when he did an act with the young lady I think he was kind of a straight man for the young lady about and he did a little stale dance very fresh then and still it was kind of the popular impression of the boy down the street you know the smarty I like the wise guy with the straw hat and all the jokes and they the kind of a fella that pop in a neighborhood full of zip and full of beans and can get away with things that hardly anybody else could get away with because he had a lot of personal appeal we paired together on the radio many times before the road picture Jack doing these kind of jokes which led paramount people to believe that they could create a comedy series [Music] [Applause] yeah head was any smaller you that he was a plumber's friend for an umbrella then all this evening days junior what do you expect me to get you for Christmas Miss America wrapped in cellophane or something stop bragging you couldn't get within a mile of Miss America with Errol Flynn on a leash to all concerned just who is the biker who has the generous heart of this team now for your Christmas gift from me I want you to pick out anything in the place the very generous ad-lib me no I mean it [Music] the Lucky Strike program starring Jack penny with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Rochester Dennis day and yours truly Don Wilson Fred Allen said about Jack Benny he was the first to realize that the listener is not in a theater with a thousand other people but is in a small circle at home Jack Benny was not only the most successful comedian in radio he also revolutionized radio comedy until he came along it was pretty much vaudeville with a microphone [Music] Jack Benny was a new type of comic on radio with a new type of delivery he was suave and blind and anxious were previously probably some of the company had been a little baggy pants a little knock about different he was different I don't think that anybody a comedian or an actor of any kind says to himself at anytime I think I'm gonna develop a style I don't think he would know I don't think he would know how to do that I think you just find it innately there's something that you do that you find out works for you some comedians talk very fast they go from one joke to another joke to another job maybe topical humor now I discovered when I first started to talk on the stage that that would not have been my style my style was to talk on a subject and stay on the subject mr. Benny do you think daylight saving time has benefited us in any way well yes in many ways of course it has it's bad points to one is the time table situation for instance you look at a time table and find that your train leaves at 6:00 p.m. but when you arrive at the station you find they mean standard time so it really leaves etcetera you get on the train at 7:00 and arrive at your destination which has no daylight saving time at 6:30 of course your watch now shows 7:30 so you rush to keep a dinner apartment with your girl which you made for daylight saving time then she shows up a half hour later standard time and not seeing you there breaks off her engagement becoming despondent and takes part so in that case the only one who benefits by the daylight saving time is the fellow who sold her the party he's renting out now this I found out very early in my career that's the way I seem to start years and years and years ago when I found out on the stage I found out invulnerable but that's the way I must talk I found out it was my style to talk slowly to stay on a subject to make a conversational and not to make it jokey we never did anything that we thought was going to last we never framed anything we never started anything that we said for instance I've never gone to my writers and they never went to me and it came to me and said let's make you a stingy character let's make love and bloom your theme song let's have a few between you and Fred Allen see if we'd have framed all of that ahead of time it would have never worked out it always started by an accident by accident we wrote a couple of stingy jokes and then they got big laughs so we each week or every third week we would put in a few stingy jokes and before I knew it I was a stingy man sure is dark tonight no moon oh well yeah hey put what huh you got a match yeah yeah that one right here I'll make a move this is a stick-up so put down that gun get out I said this is a stick-up now come on your money or your life but I said your money or your life I'm thinking it over [Music] I didn't start out by saying I want love and bloom as my theme song I would have hated Louisville is my thing so I don't like it today is my fear so I like it as a song [Music] I was 36 four years when I was 37 and 38 then we stopped at 39 even 39 is a funny number 40 isn't [Music] the feud with Fred Allen started by Fred Allen insulting me on his show knowing that I was going to be listening and so I answered him then he answered me then I answered him we were in the few for eight or nine months before we even discussed it with each other that's why it was successful Jack Benny handled radio as good a better than anybody than any of the comedian's because he knew just the things that he did he made use of of horses and weights like Jack Benny going over to Ronald Coleman's house to - he borrowed a cup of sugar and he went over to run alone Jack Benny ghost around with Coleman's house he goes there he goes now I'm eight steps he walks on the sidewalk and he's carrying the cub and after that as a man passes him and drops ten cents in the cup and here the ten cents drop at Jack's us thank you then he walks again and walks up eight steps rings the bell mister there was no hurry with Jackie he he knew how to use these weights and knew how to use radio nearly every good comedian has good timing they couldn't be good without it Burns has great timing Edwin had the greatest Gracie Allen had probably the grapes which he was the great of all time when we came to timing you have to have real good time you know you can't exist as a comedian everything Jack Benny did he think he'd hold on to he had the Maxwell car and he had the bear I won't forget the Bears name and he to things like when he went down into the vault and he had this crocodile down there the man living there for 60 years that never steal the most the worst buddy it was fun now not getting back to your expense accounts I want you kids to be more careful in the future but I'll pay you off now right here I'll go into my vault and get the money please turn your back [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Oh who goes there friend or foe friend password password oh yeah a pool of his money are soon parted oh it's you mr. Benny that's right take out your gun and I'm going to open the safe yes there [Applause] see and radio you could visualize everything yourself like my balls scenes were easier to do on radio than in television now the reason my character sustained over so many years like you say how could things go on and on well because I played a character that included all the faults and the frailties I think that's the right word in the frailties of mankind see every family had somebody like me either they had an uncle who was stingy or one who thought he was very sexy and he wasn't so every family has that kind of a person the different characterizations you know we made Phil Harris a sort of a smart aleck a guy he either left a pool room or a bar or a girl about all I can take I'm going to the bar and start warming up for New Year's Day when Dennis came in you knew he was always vague about something now let's go in the other room mr. Penney what you see this tie I'm wearing my girl knitted it for me for Christmas that's high what are those things hanging on the side she started to make a sweater and change to mine Mary always sort of ran my life even though she wasn't supposedly married to me I'm in my late 30s or my early forties you were in your early 42 the gay 90's and I would see to it that the material I gave them almost fit their characters personally and particularly their speaking voices Oh mr. Barry what are the Rochester I baked that cake like you told me to good Oh Rochester will you please take these Christmas tree lights and fix them that's them yeah I fool around with electricity what are you afraid of I don't want to get hit by nothing I can't hit back Rochester played my Butler my Vallot my chauffeur who had a right to insult me because I was the kind of a fella that was the cause of it you know again there's a Jack Benny the lone wolf talking you can't get a date I can have a date every night in the week if I want to oh I didn't mean anything jacket just wanted to start out with a laugh that's all well it's very little humor getting laughed at other peoples expense and that reminds me come here a minute Don did you did you hear Fred Allen last Wednesday night Oh George was a swell program it was really great don't reviewer Don just answer yes or no did you hear Alan make those innuendos you know those slurring remarks about my violin playing yes yes I did pretty caddie wasn't it oh I don't know he was just hitting and you're taking it seriously well so what - or any other musician well as I live and breathe and stand under a strong life so people won't mistake the wrinkles in my face for a washboard [Music] we'll be heard that what's the matter with you Jack plenty did you hear Fred Allen Wednesday yeah t-that with a funny program what laughs Wow don't elaborate the little traitor the way you talk about my violin playing I ought to sue them you ought to sue your teacher too that man is saying that I couldn't play flight of the bumblebee at the age of 10 I played flight of the bumblebee so often I got the hi I'll bet you're hung up the whole town with it this I actually remember start of the feud because the feud started the week before when a little ten-year-old boy played the violin and when he got through Fred knowing that I always listened to his radio show he made some derogatory mark he said to think that a boy 10 years old can play the violin like that Jack Benny ought to be ashamed of himself and I jumped on him and then he picked it on from there [Applause] [Music] look at they want me to play wrong they don't want you they want you not to play Levin Klum mr. Benny killed vaudeville today the murderer returns to the scene of his crime I have the ad right here in the paper mr. Benny it says the biggest show in town 14 days only due to mr. Benny's prior commitments you have to put it in they're going back with the Good Humor people I mean [Laughter] it says the biggest show in New York you will die laughing now the show is over and I'm still alive yes I would like to have my money back if you want your money back you'll have to go to the box office they've told me at the box office you're taking it out after every show I should they told me I should come to you direct they'd wait a minute 80 cents it'll cost a TV show look what you got for 80 cents you got the sportsman quartet Marjorie rebel Rochester Phil Harris and myself now you do like the sportsman for very good very good is that worth 15 cents 15 cents of anybody's money for the 15 marjorie reynolds that were the quarter murderer let me see you drive a hard bargain [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] a quarter watch rochester very good certainly worth 20 cents is it yes yes 20 cents that's sixty seven sixty cents all right there's not phil harris's worth a dime is that right eight cents of all right that's 68 cents that leaves your 12 cent 12 cents I would like to have 12 cents [Applause] can I remember this is my last quarter that I got with net didn't get it paid yet I got a half dinner I got to have a sandwich I have something to you any well I got it I'm gonna be here all day but I haven't even got money to ride home not even on the bus nothing nothing I'm sorry well how are you gonna get home with you I don't give away about 9:00 o'clock you'll never be able to have it well if you could just let me have a dime so I could get back on the bus that's right that's all thanks very very much family balance humor was in the tradition of Mark Twain and Will Rogers so you can see why he liked this quote by George Bernard Shaw if you want to tell people the truth you better make them laugh or they'll kill you one of the most fondly remembered features of the fred allen chill in the 40s is Alan's alley reunited in this studio the original members of the alley to recreate their roles in a script written especially for this show by Harry Bailey who wrote for Fred Allen in the 40s the voice of Fred Allen will be impersonated by alberni well it's time for another visit to Alan's alley this week the government announced that it may be necessary to raise the income tax so what our question for tonight is what is your reaction to a possible rise in the income tax here we are at senator cleghorne 's house I see the senator is home his team of mules is hitched in the guest room well let's knock somebody I've seen somebody thumped my poor old flag on the name senator clack on at it oh it's you yes yes good evening since dawn I got no time to be standing here filibustering with you I'm busier than a one tooth Mouse in a room full of chatter the Senate has you hopping anything that aims a half of its own this session has the whole Senate upset just today in the cloakroom I heard senator bird singing the blues you mean any yes bird singing that's a jokes I'm sorry I I keep checking am at you you keep clubbing them look alive son on your toes I'll try senator what what are you up to these days in the center a big medical research projects on my committee has appropriated the money to cure come on Cole you found a cure for the common cold no narrator rabbit in that laboratory with the sniffles why that's wonderful senator you've eliminated the common cold not so fast son but you sister won't work for people you mean what have you know a rabbit with a cold you just sent him to me senator our question tonight is about a rise in the income yeah well it's car saying it's got to happen son we got the Ways and Means Committee Ways and Means Committee yeah no matter what ways you figure out to keep it we'll find the means to take it away from you so long son so long that is you know now let's see what mr. moody thinks about the rise in the income tax howdy bub well mr. moody you're looking chipper well every reason I should I just got a clean bill of health you went to the doctor no no the vet come here you were examined by a veterinarian yeah he come to look over their stock yes so I sneak down to the barn and stood in one of the stalls I see the vets nearsighted after feeling my withers and counted my teeth what did he say said our winner blue-ribbon didn't expect that one did you actually no I ain't all rube you know well mr. moody what do you think about the proposed rise in the income tax told me nothing to me you mean you don't care if the tax rises or not I've always ready for them Felicia you are every year when it comes income next time yes every year when it comes income tax time yes I drop whatever I'm doing and I go deer hunting but what is going deer hunting have to do with your income tax well no matter what I owe no matter what you owe I can always send them a couple of bucks so long bob well let's try this next door no well mrs. Nussbaum you're expecting maybe Shapiro Agnew you're all dressed up mrs. hen are you going to a party coming from a wedding I see a relative perhaps mine second cousin once removed on my mother's side Anastasia Pincus by name did the father give the bride away gladly you see a beauty Anastasia is not then how did they find her husband oh they employed the services of a leopard the matchmaker a miracle worker I see that part looked high and low finally he found the boy and he introduced him to Anastasia oh not yet he's afraid one peak and all is lost you understand so he arranges that he not see Anastasia until after the ceremony when she removes her veil did the bride wear something old her mother Snickers something new a genuine simulated rhinestone love earlier compliments of Corvettes something borrowed the money for the license and something blue oh this is the color the groom is turning when he sees Anastasia well mrs. Nussbaum what do you think about them raising the income tax oh I'm glad you asked me because the income tax is leading to the biggest mistake of my life just what was that big mistake event to an expert excused expression are your excuse in the window is a shine reading taxes prepared but also free snacks so you went in naturally and over the lox and cream cheese he filled out nonfarm yes and over the borscht he totaled mum income I see and when it came to the kreplach is adding mine deductions and when he finished we held hands through the cheese cake crumbs you mean the tax expert became mine husband Pierre thank you well I see Ajax Cassady his home his Sam rock underwear is drying on the line now who's causing all the ruckus whose beat their disappointments disturbing the peace oh it's you me boy how do you do how do you do well mr. Cassidy how are you terrible terrible terrible I am suffering from Brannigan's complaints Brannigan's complaint you see I own aku Brannigan $5.00 last night he asked me for it well I told him I didn't have it yes he registered his complaint with his fists say that's too bad well mr. Cassidy what do you think of the rise in the income tax me boy tis of no importance to me at all at all with 17 dependents you support 17 defending oh you do that would be mrs. Cassidy and and the bartending staff at McCaffrey saloon goodbye dear boy I didn't actually copy anybody in the news for the senator I had played a character that I called dynamite Gus and Dada say dynamite had a Faculty of repeating because you might not have heard I say you might not have heard what he said we're saying that is you know because we're very important that you hear what he was saying that's a joke now laugh it up be alert girl well that was that was my dynamite Gus that's the character that many pious told Fred about and he heard it and loved it and made him a senator in the alley I played pansy Nussbaum it was a character that I'd played from time to time before the alley was formed and then when when Fred when the censorship got tight with the war coming in Europe it was always there in fact he decided on these characters for the alley and he gave the the same woman the name pansy Nussbaum this foul means nut tree in German well I was born old and I'd been doing it man and farmers mostly for many many years since I was quite young perhaps you'd guess I'm from and he he was yeah a small-town New England that's what the character was but Fred had the character that was called Titus Moody I mean Titus Moody was Fred's name I'd like to interrupt to say that I was playing on The Ellen Show me Alan's alley a little Irishman by the name of Ajax Cassidy this phone call one day man said he said I represent the Irish people in New York and we're gonna pick it your show unless you cease and desist immediately doing this spoof of the Great and honorable Irish people I say exactly how many of you are there well he says there's millions that all kinds of he said that there's a large group and when they said subscribers to the Irish echo or the pilot in Boston or are you are you a national group like the Irish Republican Army well noisy this is when in the neighborhood there's a quite a bunch of us I said what comprises this bunch well he says there's a friend of mine and a widow ready the alley was an important part of the show but the fred's opening was just as important his but it was very important commentary and there was the alley then there was an interview with the guest then the guest sketch and then that would that was the show I think Fred opened up the whole idea of topical commentary I think until that time everybody was depending pretty much on sketches a lot that had been brought up from vaudeville and review and so forth and Fred began to mention action actual people actual places actual events and to do use them as takeoff for comedy Fred red nine or ten papers a week and we all read all the local papers and we'd clip clippings that we thought might have some bearing or might have possibilities Oh Joe he was constantly on the lookout for something in news earlier in the evening this telegram arrived from Washington it says dear Fred Allen be careful what you say tonight remember what happened to me sign Henry Wallace now many people wonder why over a week elapsed before Henry was asked for his resignation well the truth is that the president didn't know what to do until he heard from Drew Pearson well enough about politics ladies and gentlemen it is nice to come to Minneapolis where things are so quiet and orderly when I left New York last week a Nimbus of havoc hung over the city but everybody in New York seemed to be out on strike the stock market went down meat was selling for more than General Motors when I left meat was so scarce the city put up a sign in the lion's cage at the zoo do not throw meat out to people [Music] [Applause] the reason they call radio a medium is because nothing's well done on it a conference of radio executives is a meeting at which a group of men who singly can do nothing agree collectively that nothing can be done a network vice president is a man who comes into his office every morning and finds a molehill on his desk he has until five o'clock to make that molehill into a mountain I have just returned from Boston it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there all the sincerity in Hollywood you could stuff into a fleas navel and still have room enough left over to conceal a caraway seeds and an agents harm [Music] [Applause] I've just finished a picture called it's in the bag aren't you forgetting further - I too have in your picture Rudy how can I forget after all I wrote that part for you I'm all set now I'm staying at the home of one of the big producers at the studio Rudy you should see that house what luxury even for Hollywood that guy is overdoing it this is really that luxurious Rudy it's the first house I've ever seen where the mouse traps are baited with cheese to play and those furnishings the rugs are the softest I've ever seen why you sink so deep in them that you can entertain dinner guests in your shorts without them ever knowing it I stayed a Jack Benny's house for a while that was murder I lost 20 pounds in my watch the first week listen Jack have any food around his place food the mice run through Benny house with tears in their eyes Rudy well $18 European plan and it's the same American plan I mean there's no difference I know you get the same amount of food but with the American plan Benny hangs a flag in your room Fred worked in a piano store in Boston where he was from and then he worked in a library and while he was in the library had a chance to read and he loved reading and he read so many things diversification of things and then he then he went into portable and did many many different acts he was a juggler the world's worst juggling ventriloquist - Freddy st. James II - John Florence Sullivan is ISM squared Portland joined him and the act went so badly that he finally put a flag up on the screen and played Columbia Jo she was a beautiful chorus girl and fell in love with him the show show she was a little girl a little iodine girl almost almost a Gracie Allen Carol mark yeah Fred wanted to go into television with a show and it's a real sadness with a kind of a show that has become increasingly popular on television he want to go into television with the talk show but in those days the rigid the formulas working in and so they put in NBC put him in a show called the Colgate Comedy Hour one hour show with with choreographers and dancing girls and everything and if you remember the times the time this was during the Cold War and it was a time when you weren't to rock the boat so you you you couldn't do anything controversial or anything like that and that was Fred stock-in-trade not controversy necessary but but topical so he went back and adapted some of his old radio spots and they didn't adapt very well when you got them up on their feet in front of the camera they just didn't turn out to be too too great entertainment there was a certain type of imaginative comedy that could be written for and performed only on radio but we are living in a machine age and for the first time the comedian is being compelled to compete with the Machine the successful comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion television inherited situation comedy from radio in the 30s the most popular show of this kind was Amos and Andy Freeman Gaston and Charles Carell started it all the program the Goldbergs close second in the 40s the top situation comedy was fibber McGee and Molly here's Jim Jordan who played for the McGee he no longer lives at radios most popular address seventy-nine wistful Vista but he's about to go back there now the Johnson wax program with Federal McGee and Molly [Applause] [Music] [Applause] the makers of johnson's wax products for home and industry present fibber McGee and Molly with Bill Thompson Gale Gordon not the cube Ryan and me Harlow Wilcox the script is by Don Quinn and Phil Wesley music by the king's men and Billy Mills Orchestra [Music] [Applause] Oh McGee it's merely trivia hello mr. mayor hello mommy McGee I sit down briefly according to my schedule I can give you one minute and ten seconds boy I'll settle for the 10 seconds McGee I've had it good day don't go you just sit right here and visit with me awhile himself ears on a tighter schedule than the Berlin Airlift but I'm loafing I'm putting housework on a business basis latreille of everything on schedule efficiency boy you ought to try that at the City Hall sometime I'm trying to get several efficiency measures through the City Council now McGee Oh fact I had lunch at the hotel with president Bates at the council yesterday to talk about it Thanks isn't he the man who bought you so hard the last time you ran for mayor mr. mayor and you had lunch with him yes yes if it will help to improve our government mrs. McGee I can work with him politics you know make strange bedfellows how is that again Lafitte hmm oh I'm in a remark that politics makes strange bedfellows you see did you have to stay overnight mr. mayor overnight we're at the hotel where you had lunch you said there was a strange fellow in your bed so next time no no McGee I didn't mean McGee found a horse in his bed one day yeah you found a horse nice bed one time at a Legion convention mr. mayor but a bed full of strange politicians is worse yeah you can shoot a horse for the politician have please just a minute when I said politics makes strange bedfellows usually get a mouthful boy I went to a political rally in Chicago on time and had to share a room with two fat senators an award healer named Beeler was there a healer named Beeler in your room at Derby because oh no there wasn't I didn't have any room I didn't say I had a room there wasn't any room at all you understand I'll say we understand boy the way them hotels rammed six or eight politicians in the room that was built for three brooms in the bucket there ain't room in the room for anybody how could you sleep that way look trivial but I didn't creep that way I'll eat that day hey I mean mr. mayor don't shout gays noise won't settle this sir be calm boy where are your friends look at it heaven help me now you said you went to a luncheon mr. mayor yes and then you said politics makes strange bedfellows yes but I was tell me one thing was there a Ward Heeler named Beeler there because of all the strange bedfellows he snored louder than our words - rain red fellow a sprain Abed Bello know when I said politics makes strange heart for you strange bedfellows full of business full of philippine sea mullet patient [Music] [Music] McGee yes boy I'd like to ask a favor the police department pistol team is shooting target practice tomorrow morning would you help them out Oh he'd love to mr. mayor I'll be there boy hey what do they shoot at Latrell you'll find out Gale Gordon who did mayoral a trivia always the same way always great sir McGee and Molly was was there was a lot of fantasy took place in a mythical town of course called whistle Vista this town was mythical and street they lived on was mythical whistle Vista was not a small town either hey Brewster's huge metropolis if we wanted it to be it was anything we wanted it to be you know the basis of all humor in the back in the beginning of the theater and so analyst was the lie mr. McGee gave me a great deal of pleasure to inform you that you're now the champion of the world it's always a liar and a bum he had he never did anything he never worked and just a guy that caused trouble you always got in fights with his friends and he in salt them and they wouldn't play fair with him or anything else but oh how he kept his friends nobody knows but he did that's what was amazing and this is what people enjoy doc gamble he shouldn't have been a friend of a bum like this guy was but he was because he enjoyed him and he felt that he was better actually we all think we're better than that guy which we are I hope goodness sakes McGee look who just came in hello dr. gamble hello my dear hi doc and what are you doing in the magic shop fumble thumb if you're trying to find out how to make yourself disappear please do so and have them send me the bill and may I ask what you're doing in here doctor are you a magician is he a magician you ever see his wizard thermometer he sticks it under your tongue impose 300 bucks out of your pocket Wabble jaw I'm an even-tempered man and I just like to brawl in public but a few more of your snide comments and I shall be forced to throw a few knuckles into your unpaid-for teeth why you creepy old has-been that never was you make one move toward me and I'll stop your mushy old flame right under the woodwork oh yes don't forget I've seen your muscles such as they are and I happen to know you couldn't go two rounds with Margaret O'Brien Suzanne the obbligato - mother machree oh my goodness after all well I don't think my character came from me III mean I don't think I was Farah McGee in the least I think I was a direct opposite from Pierre McGee I didn't have a dirty closet I I wasn't a liar I was very I could I couldn't tell a lie and get away with it if I wanted to I don't think I was the same as fibber McGee I think that was just a character that I played that's the way I've always felt about it the bell would ring and that would be the entrance cue for whoever it was of course hello there mr. wimple oh hi when hello taking a little stroll mr. wimple yeah in a way mrs. McGee anything but mostly I'm sort of a refugee you sweet face that's my big old life you know yes we know she's giving a bridge party for a lot of matrons what do you mean Nathan's older women no I mean matrons from the County Jail hey what you doing with a rope around your neck Johnny oh I don't do a Chinese can't be that bad boy [Applause] [Music] [Music] won't you have a chair and a cup of tea No thank you mr. McGee I can't Steve in a moment I just dropped in to say goodbye Oh my lawn mower what about your lawn mower McGee never returned it and I'm gonna need it in summer beef now wait a minute Gildersleeve you know very well that ain't your own lawn all this to you bar it it was mine and you borrowed my fries by my well I'd go to answer the phone and and or go to take down the phone to get a number and I'd say operator give me the residents of not important people huh oh that tumor I'll give a little thing work and I say oh is that you murdered well how's everything where is that so what he did what oh you're beautiful Afghan huh lost it well what happened oh I see you went back to Afghanistan I never thought that your man you either work like fury for a few minutes or you sit down doing nothing I know I'm a member of a sweater set I either sweater set it up Molly I says I'm a member of the sweater set ain't funny McGee we grew up together we were young teenagers together in the same town you are yellow a lot that's and that's where we were married and then we went into show business after to go back to the early days of radio there very few women that really could speak and be heard and like she had the voice with it she was the balancing influence that kept him from going to jail or having somebody beat him up she kept things on the kind of an even keel well the material would come from our own lives and it would come from the lives of the people on the show and the more real it was the the better it was the more believable a situation could be why leisure was to get last with it hey remember when we were kids in Peoria and I built that big hollow snowman with a tunnel hundred and I draw into it at night and talk to people then they walk past yeah Wow we went on some beautiful sleigh rides in Peoria - yeah in fact I think the first time you ever kissed me was the night you rented the cutter from the livery stable now I have to kiss you Tootsie had too much investor to waste the evening nights only hands is alright in the summertime it when it comes mitten weather a man has to establish better contacts javed tonight would be a beautiful night first may ride mcgee I know where I can get a sleigh farmer friend of mine out on route 62 Mel has his name is Mel of 'his but they call him Mel for Carl a well I'll call Oh Mel then huh what's his number dearie I don't know I got it wrote down in a little book here simple oh I know it's right here in the hall Oh charlie yes they can if you had your life to live over again what changes would you make well let's see if I had my life to live all again I I would make two same mistakes you only start sooner this time get the point yeah [Applause] [Music] they with you as friend of friend I'm sorry I'm telling just know why I hope that way let's make a deep [Music]

Channel: Vintage Comedy Vault II

Views: 16,118

Rating: 4.8252425 out of 5

Keywords: Vintage, Comedy, Vaudeville, Television, 1950s, George Burns, Gracie Allen, Burns and Allen, Old Time Radio, OTR, PBS, Documentary, Edgar Bergen, Charlie McCarthy, Bergen & McCarthy, Fred Allen, Allen's Alley, Kenny Delmar, Minerva Pious, Senator Claghorn, Mortimer Snerd, Mrs. Nussbaum, Titus Moody, Parker Fennelly, Rare, Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, Fibber McGee & Molly, Jim Jordan, Marian Jordan

Id: mF2X67F02BE

Length: 86min 38sec (5198 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 31 2018