The Funniest Conversations Found On Tumblr

isn't it weird that we pay money to see other human beings are you talking about prostitution the movies or airplane tickets glasses your dog needs meat and your kids need vaccines end of discussion also your dog needs vaccines and your kids need meat also your meat needs vaccines and your kids need dogs what these are all true next time you're washing your hands next to somebody cup your hands under the tap until the water overflows then look at them dramatically and say this water is getting out of hand it's a guaranteed way to make friends I have never tried it but it is guaranteed hey if you teach your parrot to say parrot it's probably as close as you'll get to owning a pockemon my brother tells a story about his Roberts parrot that everyone who came to the house would say you're a bird to it so the bird would repeat the phrase back no big until one day my brother was alone in the house with it and heard it say very crudely I'm a bird my brother almost dropped a plate if your rlist some sort of a forced pun on Nicki Minaj your blog is definitely awful rude I was [ __ ] gonna take a nice picture that I've King broke the chair prank idea put on a neon green wolf suit and break into a new studio Harris the weatherman nobody at home will know why he's freaking out what if the only reason we can't walk through me roses because our reflection blocks us what if they are protecting us though what if they know that the other side is awry fiying and painful and they are trying to keep us from ever crossing over I must be in the wrong side of the mirror there maybe you're the reflection what is it about being on a plane that makes people go buckwild for ginger ale literally everyone be ordering it ginger ale is supposed to help settle her stomach if on osseous so ppl get it on planes if they get planners sick ginger grow in the ground so it keeps you connected to God's earth while you're thousands of feet up in the heathen tube my heart gets heavy thinking about the giant trash island in the ocean yeah England is a joke to remember how many feet there are in a mile you just gotta use five Tomatoes five to mate oh yes sounds like five to eight zero and there's fifty to eighty feet in a mile to remember how many meters there are in a kilometer you just remember one thousand because the system of measurement in the rest of the world wasn't invented by a drunk mathematician rolling dice each dot represents five thousand cogs world geography 1948 untapped infinite hog supply in the ocean each state is lined with an impenetrable wall point of swine we are trapped with lost Canada and Mexico to the Hogs already did you just an earth a cat from a pot of soil the harvest is bountiful this year if snow-white literally had lips red as a rose hair black as ebony and skin white as snow she looked like a walking nightmare honestly this sounds like the description of a vampire which would also explain how she convinced Seven Dwarfs to let her stay with them how she could control some animals to do her bidding how she could sleep for a long time without aging why the hunter betrayed the queen for her and why the Queen wanted her heart so she could be sure she was killed properly did you know that you actually can never forget a face every single face you've ever seen during your life gets stored into your memories and get suited up later for example in dreams your brain can't just make up a face every single face you've seen in your dream you've seen somewhere once in your life and those strange nightmares you've had of those terrible demon-like creatures you've seen them around you just can't remember you don't want to remember this post started off as a John Green novel and ended as a Stephen King we know what happened some kind of four armed insect lady was hit by a car rest in peace god bless I donate blood in the hopes that my blood will overpower face and take control of their body so I will gain another vessel to use as my own why am i reblogging this it appears my blood has been successful you win this round cheese actually that is a rectangle cheese when a girl changes her clothes in front of you she's either really interested or your level 99 friend-zoned or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet two kinds of people imagine if trees gave off y.5 signals we would be planting so many trees and we'd probably save the planet - too bad they only produce the oxygen we breathe four Horsemen of the Apocalypse famine death war pestilence okay that's deeper than I expected there's nothing sexier than a guy playing guitar a girl playing guitar a Tyrannosaurus Rex playing guitar struggling to strum with its tiny arms fueled by rage and and in a desire to rock an octopus is just a wet spider what have you done yo gettin married at 22 sounds a lot like leaven a party at 9:30 p.m. yeah but you get to leave the party with your favorite person on the planet and take off all of your makeup and put on your ugly comfortable clothes and make popcorn and curl up in your bed and watch a movie and have sex and go to sleep I don't know how that sounds like a bad thing and everyone else just wakes up alone and hungover this is the best thing I've ever heard what are sales even trying to do their best I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied six I said how can he only be six of your six he said because he's only been a dad since I was born isn't it relaxing just seeing the snow quietly flow down makes you calm this is so perfect I want to cry this is so relaxing to watch there could be a dead body under that snow and no one would ever know oh there you are tumblr the footprints are the killer's obviously do British people not drink iced tea as much as Americans do what do they drink drew in the summer tea but it's hard only tea there are no other drinks only tea wait what if you don't like tea then the week died natural selection do you ever get the urge to get up in the middle of the night while everyone else is fast asleep and just walk places and to be completely alone and entirely dedicated to your thoughts yes but the problem is I don't want to get murdered you feel me I feel you we all feel you why are so many people touching me this is why you don't look around in the middle of the night boys who can pull off facial hair our heart I think you're supposed to use a razor have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon it's the same moon Shakespeare and Mary Antoinette and Van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at they all looked at the moon they're all dead the moon is killing people wake up America do I date tall people just to say they can always see me from my best angle or is that just a bonus for them I don't know how tall are you cause that'll tell you why you date tall people I am 5 feet to you date told people cause everyone is taller than you apparently Americans don't have mold services that right oMG are you guys okay what are Maltesers is that a Maltesers no so my mom bought some crab and she wasn't ready to cook them yet so I put them on the ground and yelled be free my fellow crustaceans and they raised their claws like this I'm the crab Lord what if you kept the horse mass 24 / 7 while raising the child and they thought they were raised by a horse human-hybrid and never knew any difference and then one day you took the mask off that's a great idea no one on tumblr should ever become parents she was a doll he was a boy can I make it any more obvious God's kingdom here tumblr my dream is to one day make enough money to remake the movie Twilight so that everything is exactly the same except Edward Cullen is played by can i West and can i West doesn't have a script and isn't even aware of what the plot of the movie is he's just can buy West reacting to Twilight in real time hash I didn't know I wanted this until now your skin is pale white and ice-cold I'm black what are you on Ellen don't leave your facebook logged in at the Apple Store next time I love my job I lost my job this guy at my school put twenty dollars into the vending machine to buy cheetah's and he got three hundred and eighty nickels back a teacher had to take him to the office bc he was crying so hard it's not bacon it's a pig it's not veal it's a calf it's not steak it's a cow it's not meal it's an animal it's not fruit it's dividing cells that accumulate fructose it's not delivery its DiGiorno it's not a scene it's a god damn arms race it's not Livio sap it's Ladouceur maybe it's mabeline this is sparta so today my friend Tyler went to Publix he noticed that there was a promotional sale for Sundra because like no one here buys it and they were selling them for like almost six cents a bottle so naturally Tyler bought 600 bottles it took three cars to transport all of the Sundrop and he currently has 70 in his garage 70 in his room and the rest is stored at another friend's house without the discounts his purchase would have added up to nine hundred and thirty five dollars he spent $34 as the guy we learn about in math on average menstruation starts at age 12 and ends at 52 40 years of periods 480 periods 480 periods X average length of five days that's 2,400 days of beating 6.5 eight years of blood that's sir metal think of all the people you could drown in nearly seven years worth of blood seven years of blood sounds like a death cult band rock on ladies L is for the way you look at me o is for the only one I see V is very very extraordinary egg is she brushing his hair with a fork or dude it's a dinglehopper educate yourself why are books not waterproof I want to read in the shower and to protect me books from my tears it's 2012 why our books not waterproof it's 2013 why our books not waterproof Obama fix this I'm working on it that's acute foot fetish you got there would you mind keeping at twenty five trillion seven hundred ninety six billion three hundred and twenty three million six hundred and eighty nine thousand four hundred and thirty-two feet away from me twenty five trillion seven hundred and ninety six billion three hundred and twenty three million six hundred and eighty nine thousand four hundred and thirty-two feet you say [Music] Deadpool could save hundreds of lives through organ transplants he has cancer in his whole body so on Japanese versus Finnish Japanese hey a Sanae yes not Lars finish Hey a is in a shark oh it's King Japanese versus polish Japanese Daisuke I really like you polish dodge tsuki you say it the same way give me bites Japanese mythity looked Spanish meat eater my boob my dad is a senior software engineer at Google this is his work laptop he takes it to company meetings I've been told he has received many compliments marry him dit did you read the post do you have magic hair magic hands do animals talk to you were you poisoned cursed kidnapped or enslaved no are you guys okay should I call the police what kind of a princess are you oMG there's a dog in my yard this is the best day ever hallo fuzzy baby friend not a dog not a dog abort abort abort rolling a 1 on a perception check imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life it would be nice to get my sense of purpose back oh wow my childhood innocence thank you for finding this my will to live I haven't seen this in 15 years I knew on off that potential somewhere mental stability my old friend kids could you lighten up a little adulthood is a scam I want to be a crow I'm not even an adult and I want to be a crow the desperate Eeyore nerdly grows with years be the Crowley I wish to see in the world collect shiny things hop happily down the street for no apparent reason scream loudly when you see your friends what an incredibly inspiring addition thank you unironically liking never gonna give you up makes you immortal invulnerable and unstoppable in this essay I will op where's the essay right here I clicked it without thinking about it perish op just as expected counterfeit a masterpiece of duplication except for one tiny slip who are Robin what's that Batman President Lincoln never wore a turtleneck sweater world's greatest detective when I see stuff like this I imagine Christian Bale saying listen his serious gruff Batman voice and literally cry from laughing so hard is no one going to mention the fact that his gloves disappeared in 1736 I lost one of my son's a fine boy of four years old by the smallpox taken in hte common way along regretted bitterly and still regret that I had not given it to him by inoculation this I mentioned for the sake of parents who omit that operation on the supposition that they should never forgive themselves if the child died under it my example showing that the regret may be the same either way and that therefore the safer should be chosen 222 years later Benjamin Franklin's message about vaccinations matters more than ever this is as close as you're gonna get to a dead ancestor appearing in the sky and telling you to get your [ __ ] together feed a person vampire blood you get a gal feed an animal vampire blood you get a hellhound water a plant in vampire blood you get a Mandrake fill up your car with vampire blood probably good things let's try it coming this Halloween from sippy van higher February shouldn't be 28 days 29 on Le Pierre instead we should take the 31st days off two months and give them to February making it have 30 days for all years but wait when's a leap day you are asked October 32nd hallowee-- part two the author genius this generation needs tbh Blackhawks tastes like someone is sitting next to you thinking really hard about a piece of fruit Kohler addicts actually think like this imagine having tastebuds so fried and oversaturated you can't enjoy La Croix must be like the food eating equivalent of being a BDSM freak who can't get off without five dudes into car battery imagine having such a super d complex over drinking carbonated water that you compare soda to BDSM imagine enjoying a lark roids [Music]

Channel: BrainyDude

Views: 1,478,838

Rating: 4.8805628 out of 5

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Id: feXHNClEZdI

Length: 16min 14sec (974 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 24 2018