The Foundation of Every Successful Marriage

all right hello everyone hello and good afternoon and welcome my name is father Anthony Meza and I'm I appreciate you joining me here for my weekly Wednesday scope today I'll be speaking about as I put in the title of the scope about marriage everyone's favorite topic and a very relevant topic these days and I'll tell you why about that in a little bit and I'm gonna be speaking about what I believe is the foundation of success in every marriage regardless of who you are how long you've been married and I think there is a few key points and I'm gonna talk about the number one most critical factor I'm speaking about that today and I'll be answering your questions about that but before I do two things first I want to say hello to everyone so you type in your name out there and tell me where does your tuning from and let me know what you think of that I got a new background here can y'all see the new background alright I don't know if you can read it from where you are but basically some people told me that they said my my plane wall is boring and I told them as I always respond when someone says I say you're boring okay and I think but they convinced me to put something on the wall behind me they convinced me by basically sneaking in my office and hanging it up when I wasn't looking so I hope y'all enjoy it okay so tell me who it is that's - hi Theresa from Arlington right down the street not too far good to see ya hi Mina share beam from Los Angeles and I saw someone from Clemson earlier hi Julianne hi uh sure from Houston firuze from UK welcome nice to have you tell me who else is on here as well I see a whole bunch of people are joining I don't know if you got kicked out there by accident sorry hi Rita from Toronto it's nice to see you tell me who else is on the scope and where it is that you're tuning from so I know who I'm speaking to am I just talking to myself and also let me know what you think of the the background there if you have any thoughts tedlar and family welcome Aaron from Indiana welcome Ivan from Montreal Costa from Brighton ker Meena from Jersey City someone coming from Oz I assume that's Australia welcome belen from Geneva welcome nice to have all you guys florida friend julie welcome Phil moon from Canada Internet from Clemson hi Lu from Maryland he we exclamation mark love the enthusiasm Michael from Maryland hello father hello to you sue Mamie from Connecticut Rasha California I wrote us from Norway hello to you as well Coptic girl Maria from Bayonne Carla from Maryland alright so like I said today hi Rosie from Maryland today I'm gonna be talking about marriage alright and what I believe is the foundation of success in every marriage and the reason why I'm talking about this today is because we're gonna be starting a series on marriage and relationships is coming Sunday called into the wild so this topic has really been on my heart recently so before I jump into that what I what I'm going to do is start by answering a few questions a lot of people send me questions I'm not always able to answer them on the scope so I said I'll start off every week just by answering two questions that people submitted either via Twitter or via my blog it can be about whatever topic it is that you want okay so a very common question that I've gotten a lot and I'm kind of grouping the whole bunch of them together every time I do and ask me anything scope a Q&A scope I always get a question that's along these lines which is how do I learn to be patient when dealing with and then you fill in the blank and be patient with my boss be patient with my sister be patient with my mother be patient with my spouse the patient with my kids how do I learn to be patient I don't know that I have the solution for patients but I'll just I'll share my thoughts on the subject as someone who struggles with patients as well and those who know me or my wife especially what would not disagree with that okay patience is not my strong suit but here is what I believe is the key to patience in any relationship in life it's viewing the relationship or the challenge or the the circumstance as from God not from man okay so what I mean by that my you know my kids are giving me a hard time all right and my kids are driving me crazy and my kids are so I can view that as why is my child like this or I can view it as you know what God who called me to be patient and called me to have self-control God who called me to do that gave me a circumstance to practice that with my son Oh care with my daughter or with my boss or with my wife so when you view from that lens that think of it like a teacher trying to get you to go from grade 10 to grade 11 Kate you have to have some tests so you start to view it as now it's not like isolated experiences I don't blame my child or blame my the person who's causing me whatever it is but I see you know what God is trying to teach me a lesson you know what God I see you like I'm not this one okay like I'm gonna do it and now I view it as a challenge okay I'm kind of a competitive person I like to make things into challenges it's a it's a competition for me is will I win or will I lose and you can also flip it okay and see it in a in a slightly negative way all right which is this is a temptation from the devil to try to get me to trip okay and I went to confession last time and I told my father of confession impatient and he gave me you know a few words of advice and I prayed about it and now here's the devil trying to sneak in again to try to trip me and you know what I'm not gonna lose this one you know I mean so I think the key is really removing the person from it it's not the person look at it as something spiritual warfare not necessarily the person okay second question from a gentleman named Michael asks how do I address questions and teachings that are coming from various religions and how can you challenge arguments without offense to the other party okay that's a good question so I want to ask how to understand God's will that's a big topic I know if I could answer that quickly how do you deal with someone who you may disagree that's where it comes down to how do you deal with someone that you disagree with okay when it comes to various religions without offending the other party he again III view this very simply I would say I would start by focusing on what we agree on not what we disagree on and so many times this is our problem in the world today this is our problem is that we classify people there for me are they're against me okay is that if you believe that that I have nothing to do with you and people will even say like how can you how can you read a book written by someone who's not the same you okay like I I read books that are Christian books that are Orthodox Christian books but also non Orthodox Christian books I read books that aren't even Christian at all okay I read books just that are topics that interest to me I love I love historical topics like I love you know I watched the documentary on JFK like I loved that stuff okay that Christian so I guess I don't like to separate the world into Christian in that Christian and and my people and not my people there's truth and there's not true okay so all truth is from God all truth is from God so if a okay I'm an Orthodox Christian if a Catholic priest stands up and says love your enemies that's true okay that's what we should do okay I don't say well because he's Catholic I don't listen to him if a Baptist minister says you should honor and obey your parents I don't say well he's Baptist get him out of here only listen to Orthodox truth his truth I'm not I'm not deciding based on the person I'm deciding based on on the value of what the person is saying so someone who's not even Christian can say true things right like we read the newspaper don't we and we and maybe don't read the newspaper but we let's leave aside the news it's a hot topic let's say an article in your if you're a doctor your text book or whatever it may be or you're a lawyer okay you read subjects okay papers or articles that aren't written by someone who necessarily agrees with you on everything when it comes to religion I Got News for you even people who are in your same church won't agree with you on everything when it comes to religion okay there's nuances that that we see different okay would you not say that Christ offended some people and who cares who you offended yeah I mean Christ offended some people but he didn't offend every person so i would never say who cares who you offend and I'll tell you why okay that was a good question I'm taking that as an honest question here's why because you would agree with me okay under there's certain subjects of morality where we disagree with people okay our views on chastity and purity which we're gonna get into that's actually the next question there's views where you disagree with people not everyone who is a believer of a lie is a perpetrator of the lies okay look at the Samaritan woman when Jesus met the Samaritan woman did he say you believe that having many husbands is okay and you're a bad person because of that did he view her as a perpetrator of a lie or a victim of a lie because she was a victim that's why he dealt with her with gentleness and we need to be the same way is that the person who disagrees with you probably disagrees with you because something they were taught by somebody else I've had people I met I remember his one time I was in an airport I thought I was at the rental-car and I was treated so rudely by someone because he recognized that I'm a priest and I didn't take offense to that okay he wasn't being rude to me because me he's being rude to me because of a past experience either he had with a clergyman or maybe something he was taught as a child that guy's a victim not a perpetrator okay so I I would tend to lean on that side okay final question that we'll get into our topic for today Tina asks how can someone be chaste after marriage right and this will transition us into our topic of marriage how can someone be chaste after marriage basically her question gets to the idea of isn't chastity and purity I'll use those two terms interchangeably just about basically you know not having sex okay isn't that what what chastity is all about and once you're married like is there still chastity and absolutely the answer is yes because I would view it slightly differently what I would say is that chastity and purity are about self-control okay and God gives us the gift of our sexuality and tells us that it is to be practiced within the context of marriage okay so any use of that sexuality like sexual gratification happening outside of marriage is considered impurity or unchastity or whatever it is that you want to call it lust fornication whatever it is you want to call it so if I'm married all right and I am practicing lustful thoughts lustful eyes lustful feelings okay that's impurity that's in in in chastity unchastity unchastity all right so it's more about self-control than it is about the actual act of okay those are all the questions I got for today but let's let's go into today's topic we're starting a series on marriage this week I did a wedding last Saturday that wedding two Saturdays before that I got two weddings to go still in the month of September lots of weddings lots of marriage bells ringing so marriage is hot topic on my mind these days and unfortunately it's usually on my mind for the wrong reasons it's on my mind not just because I'm attending weddings but because I am seeing struggling marriages marriage is the one area if you ask me it's the one area where the reality versus the theory is the greatest disparity okay on what marriage is in design in theory versus what it so often is in practice in reality there's a great disparity there and that saddens my heart and I believe it saddens God's heart as well because our problem is is that when we see the poor reality we oftentimes criticize the design okay and we say well this is what I see when I look at my parents this is what I see when I look at my my friends this is where I see in marriage as this and marriages so therefore marriage must be you know what that's like doing that's like doing that's like driving a car okay driving a car theory great freedom go places you can't go walking or bike or anything left great freedom but there's rules to how a car works that's like someone who doesn't obey any of the rules doesn't stop at any of the stop signs goes through every red light smashes cars left and right and says you know what these cars they stink okay driving a car is just more headache than it's worth trust me it's more etic than it's worth everywhere I go is smashing the stuff it cost me money to repair stuff I got is the problem the car is the problem the driver is the problem the car or is the problem the driver isn't obeying the rules of driving okay driving great but you got to obey the rules and if you don't obey the rules don't be surprised the driving becomes a headache of an experience same is true when it comes to marriage we confused okay someone said earlier someone just posted a comment that said marriage is a full-time job I don't know how you're saying that straight away or in a like reality way I don't know but here's what I'll say is so often we confuse good with easy okay good with easy so we think because marriage is not easy therefore it is not good and what I'm saying to you in every area of life good and easy never go together like having a good job requires working hard in school for the most part okay unless you you know there's exceptions obviously but you want to be a doctor you want to be a lawyer you want to be an elite athlete you want to be an elite musician you want to make it big that's good it's never easy but when it comes to marriage somehow we want easy and good to be the same so we say you know what you know I've been married for a year now and things are just difficult and she's on my do you know she's making my life difficult and she's and I say so did you expect easy to be good okay you you you you classify something is not good because it's not easy in the two are not the same so with that said in every area of life good and easy are not the same especially in marriage what is the number one most important thing that you need to do in your marriage to be successful the number one thing lots of stuff I was just at a wedding this past this past Saturday and you know I was you know said a few words at the wedding I you know joking and saying you know everyone gives a gift to the the married couple and gives them advice and one is you know count to ten when you're angry and one is you know never go to bed when you're upset with each other another one whatever all these funny little pieces of advice okay usually people will don't know that's fine take the advice let me tell you the number one most important piece of advice ok there's none of that stuff that stuff is great that's not stuff it's over the number one most important piece of advice the number one factor that will contribute to your marital satisfaction believe it or not more than anything else is obedience to God you what I wrote at my blog this morning to be successful in marriage I must place higher value on my commitment to God that all my commitment to my spouse I must place higher value on my commitment to God than my commitment to my spouse think of it this way a marriage that doesn't have gone as number one a marriage where God may be a part of it but he's not the ultimate like we're not ultimately committed to God no God equals no rules okay because I think you should do this and you think I should do this so who's right okay I think I should sit on I think I had a long day at work I think I should just sit down on the couch and enjoy me some SportsCenter okay and I think you should cook me dinner and you think I should help with the dishes and you think that I should say nice words no I don't think I should say nice words cuz you don't do anything to deserve nice words so who's right who's right in that situation if you think this and I think this this way oftentimes a lot of couples are because there's no neutral third party okay and there's no objective standard it's kind of he said she said and I think this and you think this but when God is in the picture you know what God is right so therefore God is the one who sets the rules and if he says it then it's right and we both have to abide by that we're both signing an agreement okay someone's asking me recently is like of a wedding coming up soon they're saying is their vows in the wedding and I was saying the only thousand a wedding are not between man and woman and the Orthodox ceremony it's like Orthodox ceremonies beautiful the vows are between you and God and God in you you're not vowing to your spouse I'm not vowing to marry an nothing and she's not vowing to me nothing I'm vowing to God to obey his commandments and what is his Commandments husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and that means you know what you love her okay it with emotions you love her with actions you love her with in prayer okay and you give yourself to her sacrificially and selflessly not because she deserves it but because you promised it to me me meaning God and your commitment to God is higher wives y'all got some tough ones too commands is hard women it's hard to why is you submit to your husband's as the church does to Christ and Submission doesn't mean ok degrading and demeaning as so many times people claim that it means which is nonsense okay submission means a lot more than that actually gonna talk about that and this series coming up in a few weeks so if you're in local you make sure you stop by you do that not because he's the smartest guy not because he's the sharpest knife in the drawer not because he has all these great ideas okay and in his no it's not why you submit to him because God your Creator commanded you to and you obey God okay the biggest problems that happen in marriage that I see is when two people are fighting with each other each one has a valid point each one has a valid point and they're trying to convince the other one that they're right and neither is willing to change until the other changes and you know sometimes people ask you know me to kind of mediate in those situations I don't because I don't know how to mediate I'm not a mediator okay I'm not a mediator I'm not I'm not like a counselor or anything like that to me it's not a he-said she-said kind of a thing I'm not going in the back-and-forth stuff what I'm saying is you husband okay you husband you obey the commands of God you wife you obey the commands of God with or without your spouse's acting first okay someone out there who has a fine does not have a high view of marriage my heart goes out to you I'm gonna say your name because just be respect to looking maybe that really is your name garlic part okay so this is exactly what I'm talking about okay I feel bad for you okay and my heart goes out to you and anyone else who's out there is like that because you're missing out on something great I don't benefit when when you or anyone else out there has a great marriage okay but I'm just saying like it's something which is really good which I unfortunately we blame the car instead of the driver and I'm telling it's oftentimes the driver anyway my heart goes out to you garlic part and I will be praying for you and I'm sure that God will hopefully can hold a straight face when I say your name so often the problem is each one is waiting for another one to change all right I'll give you what I wrote in my blog this morning as a sample script that happens in homes all over the place he needs to stop yelling and if he does then I'll start being nice to him again his response well I'll stop yelling when she stops nagging and pushing my buttons like that her response pushing your buttons I'll show you what pushing buttons means if you don't get your act together you'll find out exactly how many buttons I can push at once and so on and so forth and it just goes downhill and we're not getting anywhere that's why I don't play those games okay I'm getting involved in that stuff because I don't know that stuff what I know is is that God the creator of me and you and marriage the creator of it laid down for us okay a plan a design of how it's supposed to work and I'm not committed to God first you know why okay because if you say I'm gonna love my wife because I love her what happens when she's in a bad mood what happened and she's gonna be in a bad mood okay like they all have bad moods but wait right guys like we have bad mood did you say I'm gonna respect my husband because he's a smart guy but what happens when he comes up with another idiotic idea okay as I do all the time you know what I mean so if it's based on the spouse it's up and down okay it's fluctuating but if it's based on God God is the constant and God's commands never change alright with that said I'll wrap up with this and then I will be open for any questions that you have I'll read you a paragraph that I wrote oh no we're not gonna say that sorry we were good until there I'm read you a paragraph through my blog that I think summarizes it the best that this isn't about your commitment to your spouse it's about your commitment to God if you're trying to be a better husband or wife for your spouse's sake that won't last your spouse will have good days and bad days happy days and sad days days where she makes you feel like a million bucks and days where that same person makes you feel worthless it can't be based on your spouse okay because your spouse is always changing a wise man once said okay I don't quote this wise man you tell me if you can figure out the K whoever can write this tell me who this wise man is a wise man once said he's not giving marriage advice but it works for marriage I'm starting with the man in the mirror I'm asking him to change his ways and no message could have been any clearer because if you want to make the world and your marriage a better place you take a look at yourself and then make a change I mean no it is MJ the King of Pop himself as Michael Jackson okay who most people may not say is a wise man but hey there's an example back to my earlier question truth is truth whether you like the guy not that I have a dream guy that was mark King but truth is truth and if MJ speak the truth okay we got to look at the man in the mirror okay that's all that I got but I will be more than happy to stick around for a few minutes and answer any questions that you have about this topic or any topic if you don't have any questions then you can go down there to the bottom corner of the screen you can push those hearts and when you push those hearts that's your way basically giving me a thumbs up and appreciating what it is that you heard today so yeah look at those hearts thank you maybehe 207 as well I appreciate it anyone has any questions more than happy to answer them and let me get one more last plug at like I said for this series about into the wild beginning this Sunday about relationships any good books regarding marriage yes actually someone in my vlog today asked me that same question so go to the comments section of my blog and I gave three book requests or recommendations go on my blog father Anthony comm marriages self-control and forgiveness absolutely okay and those are two big words right there self-control and forgiveness absolutely both SuperDuper important father you are also thank you for so much being amazing thank you constant Konstantinos appreciate it hi how are you very fine thank you so much any other questions that anyone has please feel free to fire away other than that okay if you like I said for those who tuned in late I got a new background over here if you like it okay tell me if you don't like it then I will get rid of it because I like playing walls but I was advised by others that plain walls aren't the best greetings from Denmark thank you so much thank you so much Sarah as well can you help me with that not sure what you're asking for help for but if you ask them happy to help however I can it looks good okay glad you like it I like playing Nene from Connecticut I like playing yes one vote for playing very good okay if I get another vote for playing those things are coming down hey we thank you very much i appreciated i her french won separate because her husband wandered off the marriage I mean if he wandered off I don't know what she can do hopefully he wanders back it is very coordinated I'm assuming you're talking about those two things right there so that's the first thing I noticed I like it ah anyone else for no go on the on the anyone else for vote on the plane can I vote twice boy I don't know you mean me from Connecticut but I like the way you think but the people in the room right next door who put this thing up or not going to be so happy with you but anyway you can suggest then we want to bring your spouse to cry I missed that question I'm sorry loved it but you're blocking one frame okay I'm sorry but I can't love today's go thank you just forgiveness work in this situation forgiveness always works in every situation but I'm not sure exactly what the details are but sorry Teresa says cross alone it's perfect I just got any mister it's okay it's recorded blessed love and more everything's recorded you can go back and watch it right there in the front and on page of periscope all right all right that's it for today the votes are in I got two votes for playing from the same person one for cross only and the rest saying they liked it so pray for me and I'll see if I can negotiate with the artistic designers of the office here all right have a great rest of the week and I'll see you all next week

Channel: Fr. Anthony Messeh

Views: 5,377

Rating: 5 out of 5

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Id: Qshyniqd07g

Length: 25min 22sec (1522 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 06 2017