Premarital Counseling: Session One (1 of 4)

[Music] well first of all I want to congratulate you on your engagement this is an exciting time in your lives I also want to commend you for seeking biblical counsel this is an investment that is going to enrich your lives and your marriage for many many years to come and here's why the Lord says two are better than one and then he goes on to say and a three strand cord is not quickly broken I believe with all my heart as a couple weaves the Lord into the very fabric of their relationship and lives they will experience what God intended back in Eden were the first husband and the first wife walked with the Lord in the midst of his beauty and splendor experiencing his presence and his purpose for their lives Psalm 127 one says except the Lord build the house they labor in vain that build it and with this idea of building a new life together I want to encourage you I want to share with you in this session four foundational truths that I believe are vital to a lasting marriage there's a lot of confusion in the world today about marriage as a result the divorce rate is at an all-time high and even within the church unfortunately people have either decided that they're just going to live together or others that keep trying they-they-they divorce and remarry and divorce and remarry and again but the problem is not with the institution of marriage the problem is with the individuals attitude towards and their understanding of marriage the first foundational truth I want to share with you is the lord of marriage God designed marriage he created it it's his idea and what he says about it stands and if we're going to experience it the way he intended we're going to have to understand it and approach it the way he tells us I want to read in Genesis chapter 2 the first record of a marriage in the Bible and I want to read verses 18 through 25 real quick and then I want to share with you three principles that paint a picture of what God's original design for marriage is in Genesis chapter 2 verses 18 through 25 and the Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone I will make him an help meet for him and out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call him and whatsoever Adam called every living creature that was the name thereof and Adam gave names to all cattle into the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field but for Adam there was not found and help made for him and the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof and the rib which the Lord God had taken from man made he a woman and brought her unto the man and Adam said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh and they were both naked the man and his wife and were not ashamed in this text we first see the vision of marriage God's design he made a man and a woman will read in Matthew 19 in just a moment Jesus says God made them in the beginning male and female and in the midst of of equality debates and gender identity in our society today which is so contrasted to the truth we just read God's vision for marriage is to take two opposites opposites male and female selfishly couples try to make the other like one another I believe this is one of the reasons God put Adam to sleep because if Adam had anything to do with it Eve would have been just like him God takes two opposite people uniquely different for a reason and God brings them together they each have strengths and weaknesses that marry up together with one another which brings us to the next principle which is the vow of marriage for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined or cleave to his wife these two these opposites become one unity teamwork balance partnership being paired for a purpose being paired for a purpose becoming one we see one flesh one rib one man one woman beautiful picture of monogamy two becoming one living and enjoying life together which is once again a contrast from the battle of the sexes in society arguing who's better men or women neither God takes two opposites it by His grace and for his glory he brings them together to be one we also see the virtue of marriage which is openness truthfulness transparency honesty being vulnerable being able to be real they were both naked and unashamed one of the things that I love about the Lourdes is in Hebrews 4:13 we're told that that everything is naked and bare before him he's he knows everything he sees everything I don't have to fake with the Lord I can be myself and in my marriage one of the things I love about it is that my wife and I can be who we are we can be real with one another so keep these three principles in mind when you consider the lord of marriage his design is opposites becoming one and being open with one another now the second foundational truth is this the length of marriage since God designed marriage he determines the duration of marriage and he has made it very clear that marriage is for life I want to read another passage of Scripture that's found in Matthew chapter 19 even in Jesus day there were debates over what our reasons for divorce starting in verse 3 it says the Pharisees also came unto Him tempting him and saying unto Him is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause and he answered and said have you not read that he which made them in the beginning made them male and female and said for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh wherefore they are no more Twain but one flesh what therefore God hath joined together let not man put asunder they said unto him why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away he saith unto them Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives but from the beginning it was not soon and I say unto you whosoever shall put away his wife except it be for fornication shall marry another and marry another committeth adultery who so may that has put away doth commit adultery his disciples go on to say well Lord if this is the way that it is it's not good to be married and Jesus says well this principle is giving to those who are to be married those who can accept it shouldn't be married married I'm paraphrasing what he said there but the length of marriage is for life and we live in a time where divorce is just rampant people get divorced for just any old reasons and even within the church that seems to be an accepted idea but in Malachi 2:16 the Lord says I hate divorce when the two of you come together and do your vows on your wedding day you're going to say til death do us part you're literally pledging your lives to one another in this text Jesus gives us the reason people have to get divorced or they don't have to they choose to get divorced it's because of the hardness of their heart and the Lord has given a prescription for a hardened heart and it's found in the third foundational truth which is this the love of marriage God defines marriage God determines the duration of marriage and God defines love we all have ideas of what love is Hollywood culture and all those types of things but in first John 4 we're told that God is love and because God is love and God has defined marriage then he's defined love and for you to have a successful marriage you're going to have to love one another the way that he defines love and there's no better definition apart from the cross that defines love than first Corinthians 13 and I'd like to read it it says charity suffereth long and is kind charity envieth not charity vaunteth not itself is not puffed up does not behave itself unseemly seeketh not her own is not easily provoked thinketh no evil rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoices and the truth all things believeth all things hopeth all things endureth all things charity never faileth I'd like to read that in in the NIV real quick it says this love is patient love is kind it does not envy it does not boast it is not proud it is not rude it is not self-seeking it is not easily angered it keeps no record of wrongs love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth it always protects always trusts always hopes always perseveres love never fails love never quits love is the fruit of the Spirit and if you're gonna have a lasting marriage you're gonna have to have a loving marriage and as we've read I would encourage you to spend some time meditating contemplating and discussing this definition God's definition of love and keep this in mind about love because of love you should give everything for your marriage but up everything but up because love never fails we discussed first the Lord of marriage then the length of marriage and the love of marriage forth and finally I want to discuss the language of marriage God has also defined the dialogue between couples and Amos 3:3 were told this can two walk together unless they be agreed and two can't be an agreement without communication and your marriage will either be extremely successful or extremely dysfunctional based on how well you learn how to communicate with one another now there's all types of things that you'll be communicating and discussing spiritual issues feelings emotions ideas opinions desires and dreams parenting finances into intimacy family matters current events work-related issues and the list goes on and on and on and on you need to be able to communicate and discuss these things because the Lord desires that you be an agreement in them and there's several ways that we communicate it's not just verbally we communicate through touch and through writing through facial expressions and through body language there's a good book I would encourage you to read if you haven't it's called the five love languages it discusses the different ways that we communicate love the five quickly our words of affirmation physical touch quality time gifts and acts of service and oftentimes we we try to share love in the way that we like to receive it and sometimes that causes problems because our spouse doesn't receive love that way and so we need to learn to speak each other's love language I want to read another passage of Scripture quickly as found in Ephesians Ephesians chapter 4 says this wherefore putting away lying speak every man truth with his neighbor if we remembers one of another be angry and sin not let not the Sun go down on your wrath neither get place to the devil let him that stole steal no more but rather let him labour working with his hands the things which are good that he may give to him that needeth let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may Minister grace to the hearers agreed not the Holy Spirit of God whereby you're sealed of the day of redemption but all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice and be ye kind one to another tender-hearted forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you there's five principles there and that verse the first one is telling the truth don't lie to one another and don't exaggerate don't exaggerate also be willing to talk it out today don't put things off and and wait til tomorrow far too many couples have all types of baggage because they've they've failed to discuss issues right then and there and deal with them so that they could put them behind them and we need to be gracious and uplifting with our words I would encourage you if you're prone to joke and use sarcasm pray about it because oftentimes your spouse may be laughing with you but they don't think it's funny the problem with joking is there's an invisible line and you don't know from day to day and and how someone's feeling or their emotional state you cross that line before he even realize it it just causes all kinds of trouble let your words be gracious and uplifting let them be kind and tender when you're having these dialogues over these issues I would encourage you to consider six things number one is is it really true is it really true do I have all the facts to is what I'm about to say profitable is it going to be helpful or is it hurtful if I say it three is it the proper time or should I wait for another time to discuss it and then before is my attitude right I can be telling the truth but not in love five are these the best words to use to communicate this or is there a better better way to say what I'm about to say in and six last but definitely not least have I prayed about this have I prayed about it am i trusting the Lord in it now interestingly as we wrap this up the most important ingredient in communication has little to do with talking it has everything to do with being a good listener in proverbs 18:13 we read he that answereth a matter before he heareth it to him at his folly and shame and James chapter 119 James says we should be swift to hear slow to speak and slow to wrath so learn to be a good listener if you and I want to build a lasting relationship we're going to have to make sure the four corners of the foundation is built upon these fundamental truths number one we've got to build our relationship on the Lord and you need to to build a relationship that's intended to last for a lifetime you need to build a relationship on love and you need to develop the language of marriage this this ability to talk and to communicate with one another these these biblical foundational truths will ensure that your marriage your future life together is as I said before like that beautiful picture in Eden where God takes the first man and the first woman and puts them together these opposites to make them one to have a relationship that's open one that is that is weaved together with the Lord marriage is an amazing blessing of the Lord and if you'll do it God's Way you will enjoy those blessings for your entire lives together [Music] [Music] you

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Rating: 4.9454193 out of 5

Keywords: Jesus Christ, Father God, Holy Spirit, Bible, Biblical Counsel, Marriage, Marital Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Love, Language, Divorce, Wedding, Engagement, Foundation, Truth, Sheepdogsentiments, Solomon's Porch, Agree, Communication, God, Christian, A Biblical Relationship, A Biblical Budget, A Biblical Priority

Id: 0zL2EILY1Os

Length: 20min 44sec (1244 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 30 2020