The Craziest Inventions Tier List

your three o'clock is here oh great send them in Mr Nestor hi thanks for coming in please have a seat I've got to say I've been really excited to meet you um I I invest in a lot of ideas but this device for evaporating cancer cells I mean it's revolutionary this could change the world yeah we're not doing that oh why not I've got something new it's way more important more important than curing cancer oh yeah just got the patent approved as soon as you give me the money we'll start building it device for tracking Melania Darcy what's the Melania Darcy she's my girlfriend ex-girlfriend oh this isn't a disease or let me get this right you created a device to track your ex-girlfriend yep and for 50 million in dollars we can get this puppy made are Yen 50 million dollars for one device it's got a nanoscale biometric sensor floating Point propulsion and a nuclear Diamond battery that will power it for 100 years you can't buy that at Costco Jack I don't think I can justify spending 50 million dollars for just one device tell you what give me another 50 million and I'll make a device that'll track one of your ex-girlfriends huh I don't have any interest in that oh you don't have any ex-girlfriends couldn't get a girl touch a little wee-wee no I mean yes no I what happened to the cancer thing I was interested in the cancer thing no this is the priority you can't make a device this comes first look once I can track every move she makes and every house she goes into and every guy she talks to for the rest of her life then we can cure all the cancer you want I think that's a pretty fair deal everything you just said is illegal I'm not gonna do something illegal okay oh I'm sorry are you rich or aren't you because I thought you were Rich yeah I've got money oh since when to rich people give a flying sphincter about the law oh sure sure you'll drink the blood of children but tracking Melania Darcy that's where you draw the line we don't drink blood what's in that cup it's coffee listen I there's nothing else for us to talk about okay I'm sorry so this is how it happens huh this is how human advancement grinds to a home you could cure cancer you could be that guy that could be you Millions upon millions of lives saved moms kids grandparents you know a person dies every 50 seconds from cancer in this country 600 000 people a year and you're just gonna let them all die from Melania Darcy that sounds moral to you she pours milk in the Bowl before the cereal she's not worth it okay fine now we're talking yeah let me get my banking information for you here Lonnie I'm so sorry don't want one no actually what's Sarah up to [Music] the first recorded pattern was granted to Filippo Brunelleschi by the city state of Florence in 1421. Brunelleschi became famous for building the Dome of the Florence cathedral his patent was actually for inventing a means of carrying the marble slabs for the Cathedral of the Arno River the first patent of the United States was filed on July 31 1790. it was issued to Samuel Hopkins for a process of making potash which is an ingredient in fertilizer the patent by the way signed by George Washington I guess approving patents used to be part of the president's job but they didn't actually start numbering pens until 1836 July 13th 1836 to be exact patent number one was issued to John Ruggles for attraction wheel for steam locomotives it would take 75 years to get to the 1 millionth patent that was issued to Francis H Holton for a tubeless vehicle Tire on August 8 1911. and from there the number of patents have gone up exponentially with a time between million patents getting smaller and smaller we're somewhere between 11 and 12 million patents at this moment but that's just in the United States worldwide that number is way bigger and as for what companies filed the most patents in 2022 Huawei Technologies was the top filer of international patent applications followed by Samsung electronics Qualcomm Mitsubishi Electric and Erickson like Huawei filed a patent in 2022 for a finite impulse response filter and receiver and as the filing said it would be quote arrange to receive an analog input signal and Sample the analog input signal at a plurality of discrete points in time K with a sampling frequency FS to obtain a sampled analog input signal having a continuous signal value you know one of those things but you know not every patent can be as exciting as the finite impulse response filter and receiver in fact some of them are a little bit crazy because patterns don't determine whether or not an idea is good or not it just keeps other people from stealing your idea no matter how weird it is so I thought it might be kind of fun to take a look at some of the craziest patents of all time and it turns out there's like a whole content ecosystem out there of crazy patent stuff so I had plenty to work with in fact like half of them got cut out of this thing I'll maybe do a part two later on but anyway I decided to have a little bit of fun with this and make a tier list out of it never done a tear this video before why not so I'm ranking them on a scale of a to F A being fairly clever and actually useful to F being basically what the f were they thinking and at the top I've got right there an S tier in this case s stands for somebody needs to make this and the thing that I really enjoyed about this is I was looking through these is that no matter how weird or crazy or out there some of these ideas are somebody put a lot of work into this a lot of time and effort and thought mechanical schematics and everything also one of the cool things that I found when I was looking through these is that some of these ideas as crazy as they might sound kind of makes sense in the time that they were filed in that we know when you put it in that perspective or there's some purpose behind it that once you get that it's like oh yeah that totally makes sense either way this is meant to be a celebration of human ingenuity and human weirdness hope you enjoy it first up is the crime skeleton okay this was the one that actually gave me the idea to do this video in the first place uh many of you may have seen the meme that was created around this and has been around the internet it was invented by Helene Adelaide Shelby and it's basically a skeleton with glowing red eyes that's supposed to scare people into confessing their crimes it was controlled by an operator behind the wall here who could basically speak to the subject through a horn in the skeleton's mouth and there was a camera in it to record the confession so at the time confessions weren't recorded because Recording Technology was still fairly primitive so a lot of confessions would later be retracted well she wanted to put an end to that in her filing she writes it is a well-known fact that in criminal practice the confessions obtained initially from those suspected of crimes through ordinary channels are almost invariably later retracted and she described the skeleton this way the primary object of my invention is the provision of an apparatus for the creation of illusory effects calculated to impress the subject with their being of a supernatural character and so to work upon their imagination Nation now unfortunately for this invention coerce confessions became admissible after a Supreme Court ruling in 1961 now to be fair the idea of using a hidden camera to catch criminals was actually pretty ahead of its time like part of the patent design is is of a camera that would fit in the back of the skeleton's skull it's also worth pointing out that at the time there was a huge spiritualist movement going on with Seance as being really popular all kinds of Supernatural and occult practices going around so yeah at the time the idea of walking into a dark room and and suddenly a floating skeleton with red eyes appears that that might make you admit something after soiling your pants and I guess you felt pretty passionate about this because this was the only patent she ever filed from what I could tell she was a bit of a real estate Maven selling and leasing properties in Oakland Santa Cruz and San Francisco and she died in 1947. so I'm gonna go with sea tier for crazy next up is the high five machine followed by Albert Cohen in 1993 this machine lets you high five whenever you want by securing a plastic arm and a hand to a wall table or floor according to the patent filing the upper and lower arm portions will be covered with padding that closely emulates the shape of a human arm and the arm could also be clothed with a shirt sleeve preferably one celebrating somebody's preferred sports team oh and this part's actually kind of cool the hands interchangeable if you don't want to slap an average size human hand you could put an oversized or novelty hand on there or say if you want a specific hand of a player from a sports team the simulated hand could actually be an actual replica of that sports player that you like so much so yeah don't laugh too much I actually think that's pretty cool if you could high five your favorite you know athlete or something like I've worked in sales rooms uh where people would ring a bell whenever they made a big sale I could see something like this being a fun office thing you know go go give it a high five maybe a song plays or something but maybe even more so when you work at home like you know you don't have anybody to high five or celebrate a little win with like I I can see my self doing that when I finish the script I actually think there could be a psychological benefit to you know celebrating your little wins however you choose to do it so why not you know this this mic could actually boost your mood a little I could see it so silly sure but why not looks like fun beat here next up is the world famous butt kicking machine so look if you're ever feeling down about yourself or what you've done in your life just remember someone spent a lot of time on this the butt kicking machine is basically a chair with a hole at the bottom and a crank above your head that when you pull releases a spring-loaded boot that then kicks you in the butt but it's way more important to that according to the filing quote this invention consists of a manually self-operated butt kicking machine which will be used to Advocate the art and expand the science of butt kicking Technologies finally yeah which colleges have the best Buck taking technology programs again asking for a friend a secondary purpose of the machine as it states are quote encouraging inspiring and facilitating discussion participation motivation competition discipline productivity challenge team building morale amusement and fundraising so I mean I guess some people might like this in a fetishy kind of way not going to Kink shame yeah this might be the opposite of the high five machine like if you don't get your tasks done you get a boot in your ass it's the American way I also imagine that you got to be careful how you sit if you're a guy because I mean if you're off by just a few inches that that could be a problem I might be kicking something other than your butt okay so the only one of these that really stood out to me was fundraising like I remember when I was uh when I was a kid there would be these dunking booths at carnivals and whatnot where you could you know pay some money to dunk a teacher or a coach or a principal or something like I could see something like this being used in that way it wouldn't be self-operated though yeah I really only see this as a fetish thing which I mean if that's for you have at it but I don't know that's a that's a detier for me next up is butt kicking machine two Electric Boogaloo okay so this was patented five years before the previous butt kicking machine and dare I say it's four times better because it has four boots on it okay so on one side you have this Crank that you can rotate with your hands it forces you to kind of bend over as you do it and on the other side there are several rotating arms connected to a crank and at the end of these arms are these flexible shoes which when you turn the crank the shoes kick the user's butt over and over Handover I imagine you could get a pretty good arm workout out of this to be fair I mean look at the size of this thing it would take up like half the room like who's gonna buy this who is this dedicated to getting their butt kick that you would set this up by the way this is the perfect example of someone who spent a lot of time thinking about this like the filing just goes on for like 15 pages in extreme detail down to every single nut and bolt and it references eight previous patents and technologies that they use in this device my my favorite thing about this one though it was it was patented literally like two weeks after 9 11. that's what this guy was working on when 9 11 happened it was just like man I gotta get serious about this thing this is Bonkers but I admire the hustle seat here next up is the toilet breathing hose okay so I actually shared this as a meme on Twitter and uh it got quite a reaction the device is actually called the fresh air breathing device and method which I think is a bit of a misnomer um there's nothing fresh about the air you'd be breathing from this thing but you would be breathing air and that's the point so toilet systems have to be connected to a downspout that you can see right here I guess that's label number 15. um that allows air into the system so the pressure is equalized that so it allows the air to kind of flow down into the sewer or the septic tank so if this didn't exist it would create a vacuum and the water wouldn't flow kind of like if you put your finger on the top of a straw the soda doesn't go down to the level in the cup so from from this direction up it's actually going out of the building and there is air flowing in so this is really designed for people who live in like high-rise apartment buildings that might not be able to quickly get out of the building in case of a fire so like basically if if smoke is filling your apartment you can't get out maybe the fire's in the hallway maybe you're too high to jump out of the window or the window can't be broken you're more likely to be killed by smoke inhalation but this does give you a way to breathe it would be the nastiest smelling and tasting air you've ever breathed but you'll be able to breathe yeah a lot of people on Twitter said that there was something like this in the in the kingsman movies I haven't seen them but if it's in a movie you know it must work but I gotta be honest I mean I would really hope that I would never have to actually use something like this but I mean this could save someone's life I mean look any plumbers or septic professionals feel free to disagree in the comments because I'm not a professional but this could actually maybe save someone's life so I mean yeah this this is kind of the real deal that's an a tier for me the next one up is a little device that I'm calling but why this thing confuses the hell out of me it was patented in 1896 by James C Boyle and it's supposed to be a hands-free saluting device but I think all it really does is like lift your hat and turn it sideways which isn't a salute is it also I don't know how you turn it around like without using your hand how does it know to do that it doesn't really say in the patent that I could tell also it has these little things it looks like it digs into your head so it's probably uncomfortable on top of the fact that it's got this heavy you know mechanism up on the top that probably throws the whole thing off balance so that's fun you can walk around in a painful heavy hat that you can spin around on your head when you meet people so they think you're a weirdo but according to the patent uh that's not a bug it's a feature he says that you could possibly use it as an advertising medium because the Hat moving up and down on its own is sure to draw attention sorry this is just stupid this is stupid in every way F tier okay next up is the rat treadmill yeah someone made a treadmill for a rat yeah I don't want no fat flabby rats running around my place actually it doesn't just give them a surface to run on as you can see down here on this diagram here it actually holds its back legs and moves them around for the rat which is better Illustrated in figure four this is for the rats that just refuse to use a hamster wheel this is for the lazy rats actually okay enough with the jokes this device actually does have a serious purpose it's not for lazy rats it's for rats with spinal cord injuries so as it says here in the application it says in the us alone over 10 000 people experience a traumatic spinal cord injury each year paralysis of the legs is a common consequence of spinal cord injury resulting in a loss of walking ability recently a new approach to Rehabilitation called body weight supported Locomotion training has shown promise the technique involves suspending a spinal cord injured subject and a harness above a treadmill and manually assisting the movement of the legs in a walking pattern the goal of this technique is to enhance residual locomotor control circuitry that resides in the spinal cord it's hypothesized by providing an appropriate sensory input in a repetitive manner the spinal cord can learn to generate motor output appropriate for stepping so this was a field of field a study that came about in the early 2000s it probably started way before that but like all medical hypotheses they wanted to test this out on rodents before they did it with people so how do you test this out on a rat you need a rat treadmill so yeah some very smart people put together this very detailed patent application this is easily the most detailed one that I ran across uh this is done in order to test this theory that you know you could uh help people with spinal injuries to walk again someday I guess the big question is does it actually work like did this invention actually possibly lead to somebody being able to walk again feels like the ants are still up in the air there is this paper from 2012 uh and according to this paper it says that the results have been disappointing but they do offer new modalities to possibly make it work better of course this was 10 years ago so maybe something's come along since then but hey that's science you know if it works great if not you still learn something so yeah I'm gonna give this an S tier for science next up is what I'm calling the brass monkey balls drop okay so the title of this patent is simply release mechanism but the release mechanism is specifically designed to make two brass balls fall out of the bottom of a monkey statue yeah so it's basically a thermometer the mechanism is made out of thermoreactive metal that flexes at a certain temperature point so when you set what temperature you want when the room reaches that temperature the metal reacts the balls drop they go clang and then you know it's you know 74 degrees or whatever this was patented in 1987. thermometers have been around for a long time at that point this is this is stupid this is a useless novelty toy that's basically designed to make middle-aged men giggle because balls yeah that that that's an F tier for me next up is the plow gun okay so the year is 1862. the Civil War is in its early days people were probably pretty scared of the war showing up on their front doorstep I imagine especially Farmers like imagine you're out plowing the field trying to grow some crops to support your family when suddenly Antietam breaks out all around you and you've got this gingham to plant what's a farmer to do well thankfully two guys named CM French and WF Fancher came up with the plow gun the thing that's brilliant about the plow gun you see is that it's a plow that has a gun on it so you know you can just shoot your way out of the battle let the soldiers do their thing and fertilize the field with their bodies the only flaw that I can see in this plan and I'm no expert in like historical agriculture or anything but aren't plows pulled by a horse or oxen so wouldn't this just you know shoot your horse in the ass yeah a horse murdering plow eat here next one up is the human car wash this one just I can't I uh I'm grossed out in every way by this one this is basically a giant machine designed to wash like dozens of people at a time you literally hang people and and by people I mean actual human beings on this like motorized track system like a processed deer and that person is then hoisted on a conveyor through a series of water hoses and swirling brushes just like a car wash eventually blown dry at the end and buffed to a smooth shine I'm assuming a little air freshener gets stuck in you somewhere so this is weird and gross and horrifying but it's it's basically designed for like Mental Hospitals it's meant to make it safer and easier to bathe people who are mentally incapacitated so in the patent here it says it's designed to create conditions that quote minimize the danger of infirm or mentally incapacitated injuring themselves or others by struggling during the bathing procedure and that provide improved sanitation and that all steps of the bathing procedure are accomplished with the patient in a standing position such that washcloths and towels are not needed and look I've I've never worked at a mental hospital I've never worked one-on-one with mentally incapacitated people I'm sure that bathing them is a challenge to say the least maybe even front with danger like somebody who works in that environment might see this idea and be like yeah yeah I get it but still I mean the idea of just strapping someone to a track and running through through a machine like this especially if they're not really knowing what's going on I can't see that it is not being traumatizing like this was patented in the 60s I think they were still doing lobotomies back then I don't know this just feels like one of those ideas that people came up with back then that they thought were more Humane but with time just seems horrible but again I don't work in that world maybe something like this actually exists I mean please let me know in the comments if it does but I feel like their heart was in the right place ah I don't know I hate everything about this seat here okay so there's one more I want to put on here it's by far the craziest in my opinion I'm saving the best for last but before I get to it I just want to comment really quickly about how no matter how crazy some of these ideas seem you kind of have to applaud the human Ingenuity behind it like I'm having fun here I'm poking fun at these ideas but the people who made them they took this really seriously like I'll put the links to all the patents down in the description you can go look at them they're very detailed descriptive down to the very last nut and bolt even if it was just a gag gift or a novelty product these inventors took the engineering very seriously and frankly this is why we should all learn more stem skills it gives you the tools to do fun stuff like this and if you want to give your stem skills a little boost brilliant.org is a great place to do that it's a great place to learn new skills and scientific Concepts from the fundamentals of math and basic engineering through neural networks and quantum physics there's a wide range of topics at all levels of expertise so no matter where you are there's room to grow and Brilliant teaches you in a fun interactive way through problem solving kind of hacking your brain's natural abilities so that when you learn something you learn it in a way that makes sense to you and you can build on that and apply it to other areas of your life like it doesn't much teach you facts it kind of teaches you how to think about things you learn by doing it's a whole different kind of learning I really wish that we were doing this when I was in school it's kind of really more like playing games so like if you spend a lot of time playing games on your phone or whatever you could be doing this and getting smarter in the process by accident plus they add new content monthly so you never run out of new things to learn and right now if you click on the link in the description or go to brilliant.org answers with Joe you can get a full 30 days to try it out for free and the first 200 to sign up will get 20 off their annual subscription uh it's a great platform I use it myself and I can tell you you just won't believe how much value you get out of it so yeah go give it a try say for yourself it's free for 30 days brand.org answers with Joe and thanks to brilliant for kindly sponsoring this video last but not least the baby flinger so to all the moms out there don't you wish when you were giving birth that the whole process could have been made simpler and easier they just you know spun your body around really fast so the baby just Yates out of you through centrifugal force when did I made the whole thing so much better no you sure about that because George and Charlotte Blonsky disagree so they patented a birthing table that would do exactly that this is not a joke so the patent application starts off with this little doozy it is known that due to Natural anatomical conditions the fetus needs the application of considerable propelling Force to enable it to push aside the constricting vaginal walls to overcome the friction of the utero and vaginal surfaces and to counteract the atmospheric pressure opposing the emergence of the child I'm not an obstetrician but I'm pretty sure that the atmospheric pressure difference between the uterus and the delivery room is not the main hurdle to overcome when giving birth and it goes on to get um a little bit racist it says in the case of a woman who has a fully developed muscular system and has had ample physical exertion all through the pregnancy as is common with all the more primitive peoples nature provides all the necessary equipment and power to have a normal and quick delivery this is not the case however with more civilized women who often do not have the opportunity to develop the muscles needed in confinement so thankfully all those pygmy people living in the Amazon rainforest don't need this that's a relief besides I'm not sure this is any less physically exerting so I couldn't find in the application exactly how much pressure is needed in general to push a baby out and now that you know corresponds with g-forces but they did have a chart on there that shows how many RPMs would be needed to generate different g-forces at waste level and it's all around about one rotation a second so yeah this fast enjoy mom not to mention that humans pass out at about four or five G's now granted the head is in the middle here but the blood would still rush down to your feet wouldn't it by the way if you're wondering how exactly you catch this baby so it doesn't go Splat against the wall don't worry they've they've got a little net here a little hockey goal and it does say that there's a little mechanism attached to the net that'll that'll turn off the machine once the baby gets caught in it and it rings a bell to signify the ACT has been done see they thought of everything now as ridiculous as this is there are cases of women going into labor on roller coasters so I don't know maybe if you're having trouble going into labor this could speed that along this is the most insane and fascinating thing I've ever heard of so somebody needs to make this s tier all right so there you go guys there you have it that is the uh craziest patents tier list there are about 10 or so of these again I actually found 22 to start with so if you guys like this and this video does well there could be a part two there could be many parts actually yeah and that just scrapes the surface again there are 11 million plus patents in the United States alone that's a lot of room for crazy I mean and then think about all the ideas that somebody sat down and and figured out in this way but never bothered to patent it because they thought it was too crazy but I feel like this is a fascinating insight into the human imagination that you know even on silly novelty ideas people took the time to you know figure out the engineering and work it out and it's that kind of creative thinking that every once in a while produces a breakthrough that changes the world for every quantum computer there's a monkey ball dropper and I think that's beautiful all right I hope you guys enjoyed that big thanks and a shout out to the answer files on patreon and the channel members who are helping to keep the lights on around here and more importantly forming an awesome Community I love bouncing ideas off of these guys and uh just watching them interact it's a lot of fun anyway there's some new patreon people I need to shout out we got Alina Jackson uh Miss Bizzle James Redden Daniel Tennyson hero uh Kristen the list Savoy William leytonfelter tommaso valeriano Dave Perry Mark denu Courtney Marsha Hackenberg and Rob Hawkins thank you guys so much if you would like to join them get early access to videos access to exclusive live streams and again just be part of a really cool Community let's go to patreon.com answers with Joe please do like and share this video if you liked it and if this is your first time here maybe check out this video Google thinks you'll like that one or look at any of the Little thumbnails on the sidebar if you're watching it on your on your browser uh any of them have my little picture on it give them a click see if you like it and if you do I invite you to subscribe come back with videos every Monday all right that's it for now thank thanks for watching you guys go out there have an eye-opening rest of the week stay safe and I'll see you next Monday love you guys take care

Channel: Joe Scott

Views: 424,278

Keywords: answers with joe, joe scott

Id: iZekewkNmik

Length: 27min 39sec (1659 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 05 2023