STORY. THIS WEEK IS CLIMATE WEEK. IT IS WHERE ALL THE MEN IN MY OFFICE FIGHT WITH THE WOMEN IN MY OFFICE OVER WHO CONTROLS THE THERMOSTAT FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR. BUT ALSO IT IS A WEEK WHERE ALL THE LATE NIGHT SHOWS ARE GOING TO BE GETTING TOGETHER TO BRING SOME ATTENTION TO THE CLIMATE CHANGE CRISIS. AND FIGURE OUT HOW WE'RE GOING TO STEAL JOHN OLIVER'S EMMY. TONIGHT I'M NOT GOING TO BOTHER BER YOU WITH THE FEAK OF COMPLIEM AT CHANGE LIKE MORE EXTREME WEATHER, RISING SEA LEVELS, FEELING GUILTY WHEN I START A WILDFIRE. WHAT WE WILL FOCUS ON ASK HOW THE MAJOR FEKS TRICKLE DOWN INTO A LOT OF WEIRD LITTLE EFFECTS THAT YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT. AND THESE LITTLE WEIRD EFFECTS ARE CHANGING THE WORLD IN ALL STORTS-- SORTS OF WAY, LIKE THIS STRANGE THING THAT IS HAPPENING TO SEA TURTLES. >> TURLT ELS-- TURTLES ARE SO IMPORTANT FOR THE MARINE ECOSYSTEM, HELPING TO KEEP SEA LIFE IN BALANCE. BUT THEY LAY THEIR EGGS ON THE BEACH. AND AS THE WORLD WAMS UP, THE SAND IS WARMING TOO. AND THAT IS A BIG PROBLEM. >> SAND TEMPERATURES DETERMINES THE SEX OF THE HAMPLINGS SO FOR THE NORTHERN GREAT BARRIER GREEN TURTLE STOCK, THEY HAVE BEEN PRODUCING IN THE LAST 10 TO 20 YEARS, 99 PERCENT FEMALE. IF THAT TREND CONTINUES, IN DECADES TO COME, THAT IS AN IRREVERSIBLE ISSUE AND WITH LEAD THEM TO EXTINCTION. >> Trevor: PEOPLE, THIS IS TERRIBLE. YOU CAN'T HAVE ALL FEMALE TURTLES. THE SPECIES IS GOING TO GO EXTINCT. AND IT IS ALSO GOING TO MAKE FOR SOME REALLY LAME GENDER REVEAL PARTIES. >> OH WOW, IT'S A GIRL. AND I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE GOING TO WELL, AT LEAST LIFE WILL BE PRETTY SWEET FOR ALL THOSE MALE TURTLES. THEY WILL BE CLEANING UP ON TURTLE TWINNEDDER, IT MAY SEEM LIKE A GOOD DEAL UNTIL THEY REALIZE THEY WILL BE EXPECTED TO PERFORM ALL THE TIME. MORNING TURTLE SEX, AFTERNOON TURTLE SEX, NATURE TIME, TURTLE SEX. THEY WILL NEVER HAVE ANY TIME LEFT TO DO WHATEVER ELSE TURTLES DO. GO TO PLASTIC STORES I GUESS, THEY DON'T DO THAT FOR THEMSELVES, THAT IS A WEIRD EFFECT OF CLIMATE CHANGE THAT NOBODY SAW COMING. I MEAN HOW CRAZY IS IT THAT THE HEAT OF THE SAND IS WHAT DETERMINES THE SEX OF THE BABY. TURTLES SHOULD JUST DO IT THRIEK HUMANS, HAVE THE SEX OF THE BABY DETERMINED BY THE MAN SCREAMING EITHER MALE OR FEMALE AT THE TIME OF CON ACCEPTING. IT IS A LOT EASIER THAT WAY. HOW DID YOUR PARENTS DO IT? BUT THEN WHY AM I A BOY THEN, YOU'RE DUMB. AND IT IS NOT JUST THE TURTLE. CLIMATE CHANGE IS MESSING WITH THE SEXIEST ANIMALS OF ALL, YES, HUMANS. AND AGAIN, I'M TALKING ABOUT UNEXPECTED LITTLE THINGS. FOR INSTANCE IF YOU LIKE TO START YOUR DAY WITH A CUP OF COFFEE, AND MAYBE YOU LIKE TO END IT WITH A COUPLE OF BEERS OR A COUPLE OF BOTTLES OF WINE. FIRST OF ALL, YOU MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM. BUT HERE IS SOME NEWS THAT MIGHT LEAVE A BAD TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH. >> CLIMATE CHANGE COULD MAKE IT TOUGHER FOR YOU TO GET A GOOD CUP OF COFFEE. CHANGES IN TEMPERATURE ALONG WITH RAINFALL AND THE LENGTH OF SEASONS WOULD CHANGE THE QUALITY AND TASTE OF BEANS MAKING FOR A LOWER QUALITY CUP. >> A CHANGING CLIMATE IS PUTTING THOSE KEY INGREDIENTS USED IN BEER AT RISK. MORE RAIN VERSUS SNOW IN THE WINTER. THIS MEANS IRRIGATION MAY DEPEND MORE ON GROUND WATER WHICH HAS A HIGHER MINUTE KAL RON TENT. AND THAT IS A BIG DEAL BECAUSE THAT AFFECTS THE BEER. >> AN INCREASE OF 1.2 DEGREES CELSIUS OVER THE PAST CENTURY HAS MEANT WINE GRAPES ARE MATURING EARLIER PUTTING THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS WINE REGIONS AT RISK. >> THE LARGEST CHANGE THAT WINE DRINKERS ARE LIKELY TO SEE IS HIGHER ALCOHOL CONTENT IN THE FINISHED PRODUCT AND THERE IS MUCH DISCUSSION IF THIS IS A GOOD OR BAD CHANGE. >> Trevor: I AM PRETTY SURE IT'S A BAD CHANGE. I MEAN THE REAL HOUSEWIVES ALREADY FIGHTING EACH OTHER AT CURRENT WINE LEVELS, YOU RAISE THAT ANY HIGHER THAT SHOW IS GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE TO UFC. WHAT IS CRAZE ERR DID -- CRAZIER IS THIS IS GOING TO MAKE COFFEE TASTE WORST, THAT IS WHAT THEY SAID. THAT BLEW MY MIND BECAUSE I ALREADY THINK COFFEE TASTE LIKE YOU BURNED DOG AIR AND PUT THE ASHES IN A CUP OF WATER. I KNOW RIGHT NOW THE COFFEE DRINKERS ARE LIKE TREVOR, YOU ARE WRONG, COFFEE TASTES DELICIOUS. BULLSHIT. IF THAT IS TRUE WHY IS IT EVERY COFFEE PLACE HAS 50 DIFFERENT WAYS TO COUCH THE TASTE OF COFFEE, YOU HAVE CREAMER, HALF AMP HALF, VANILLA LATTE, PUMP KIN SPICE, VANILLA, SUGAR. THE ONLY FLAVOR NO ONE WANTS IS QUOFEE FLAVOR, YOU KNOW WHY, BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAVE COFFEE FLAVOR IT THAT KEEPS UP THREE DAYS, NOT BECAUSE OF THE CAV EVEN, BUT THE TASTE OF REGRET, I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN. AND LOOK, PEOPLE CAN GET USED TO BAD COFFEE AND STRONGER WINE. WE'LL JUST PUT MORE OAT MILK INth BO OF THEM BUT UNFORTUNATELY, CLIMATE CHANGE IS ALSO DOING WEIRD LITTLE THINGS TO OUR MOST CORE HUMAN BEHAVIOR, SEX. AND VIOLENCE. >> THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS THAT CAN DAMPEN IMRUR SEX DRIVE AND NOW HERE'S ANOTHER ONE TO ADD TO THE LIST. GLOBAL WARMING. RESEARCHERS LOOKED AT REALLY HOT DAYS AND THEN LOOKED FORWARD NINE MONTHS. THE IMPACT WAS PRETTY SIZEABLE. IN THE UNITED STATES, THEY FOUND THAT THE IMPACT OF ONE HOT DAY MEANT 1100 FEWER BIRTHS NINE MONTHS LATER, THAT COULD MEAN 100,000 FEWER BIRTHS EVERY YEAR. >> RISING TEMPERATURES ARE NOT THE ONLY PHENOMENON ON THE RISE, OUR TEMPERS HAVE JUMPED, WE'RE GETTING ANGRIER, MORE AGGRESSIVE, MORE VIOLENT. >> OUR BRAIN CHANGE WHEN IT IS VERY HOT, OUR HERE MOANS CHANGE AND PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOR CHAPPINGS. >> YOU GET A REALLY HOT NIGHT OR DAY AND PEOPLE FREAK OUT AND DO CRAZY THINGS. >> REIF TEMPERATURES CONTINUE TO RISE THE U.S. COULD SEE BETWEEN 20 TO 50,000 MORE VIOLENT CRIMES PER YEAR. >> Trevor: THAT'S RIGHT, THANKS TO CLIMATE CHANGE WE ARE LOOKING AT A FUTURE OF NO SEX AND TONS OF VIOLENCE. SO BASICALLY DRAKE'S ALBUM COVER BUT NOBODY IS PREGNANT AND EVERYBODY IS JUST PUNCHING EACH OTHER. YOU KNOW MY ONE HOPE IS THIS THE NEWS THAT FINALLY GETS PEOPLE TO TAKE DRASTIC ACTION BECAUSE IF ANYTHING IS GOING TO MOTIVATE PEOPLE, IT IS GOING TO BE THE END OF SEX. YOU KNOW, IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT COULD GET HUMANS TO JUMP INTO ACTION IT WOULD BE THE PROSPECT OF ABSOLUTELY NO SEX. BECAUSE TRUST ME, THE FIRST TIME WE CAN'T HAVE SEX BECAUSE OF THE HEAT, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO LOOSE IT. JUST GOING TO BE LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY PENIS IS OVERHEATING, ALL RIGHT, SHUT IT DOWN, PLANE, CARD, BITCOIN MINING, UNTIL THIS GETS BACK UP, WE'RE GOING AMISH, EM. >> Trevor: AND BY THE WAY, THIS INCREASE IS A FUTURE PROBLEM, CLIMATE CHANGE MAY HAVE ALREADY COST AMERICA A WAR. >> FOR THE PAST THREE DI CADES DRAUGHT AND FLOODS FLOODS HAVE D RURAL AFGHANISTAN. AS A RESULT FARMERS HAVE STRUGGLED TO MAINTAIN THEIR CROPS AND LIVESTOCK. AND MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN LEFT HUNGRY. >> AFGHANISTAN AND ALL THE COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD IS RANKED 6th IN THE LIST OF ALL THE COUNTRIES HIT HARDEST BY CLIMATE CHANGE. THE TALIBAN HAS GONE TO THE COMMUNITIES OF THESE FARMERS AND MOSTLY IMPOVERISHED PEOPLE IN RURAL AFGHANISTAN AND SAID TO THEM, LOOK AROUND YOU, YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE SUPPORT YOU NEED FROM THIS GROFT, COME JOIN US. IT'S BEEN VERY CRUCIAL TO THEIR RISE OVER THE PAST TWO DECADES. >> Trevor: THAT'S RIGHT, THE TALIBAN WON IN AFGHANISTAN BECAUSE OF CLIMATE CHANGE. AND ALSO BECAUSE AMERICA COULDN'T GO A WEEK WITHOUT JOINING A SCHOOL. BUT MOSTLY CLIMATE CHANGE. AND THIS REALLY SHOWS HOW DESPERATE CLIMATE CHANGE CAN MAKE PEOPLE. WHEN YOUR LIVELIHOOD IS DESTROYED YOU WILL TURN TO ANYBODY PROMISING RELIEF. I WILL SAY THOUGH, IF YOU GAVE POWER TO THE TALIBAN BECAUSE IT WAS TOO HOT, I THINK THAT'S A DECISION THAT YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET. ALL RIGHT, FIRST THING, MAN GROW BEARD. WOMEN, COVER EVERYTHING EXCEPT YOUR EYES. >> IS THERE AN EXTREMIST GROUP THAT BELIEVES IN SHORT SHORTS? NO, OKAY. SO CLIMATE CHANGE IS HAVING UNEXPECTED CONSEQUENCES ALL OVER THE EARTH. WHAT IS MOST SHOCKING TO ME IS THAT IT IS EVEN HAVING EFFECTS OUTSIDE THE EARTH. >> CLIMATE CHANGE ALSO AFFECTS OBJECTS IN SPACE. AS THE UPPER AT TOES FEAR GET THINNER THANKS TO CLIMATE CHANGE, THE AMOUNT OF DRAG GOES DOWN AND THAT MEANS SATELLITES STAY IN ORBIT LONGER. BUT IT ALSO MEANS EVERYTHING UP THERE WILL STICK AROUND LONGER LIKE THE USED UPPER SECTIONS OF ROCKETS WHICH SOMETIMES STAY IN ORBIT, OR ANY DEBRIS FROM THE OCCASIONAL SATELLITE SLIETION. AS MORE OBJECTS STICK AROUND, THERE IS A HIGHER AND HIGHER CHANCE THAT THEY WILL COLLIDE PUTTING EVEN MORE JUNK IN ORBIT. >> RIGHT NOW THERE ARE PROBABLY OVER 3 MILLION KILLOGRAMS OF SPACE JUNK, VASTLY OUTWEIGHING OUR OPERATIONAL SATELLITES AND NEARBY NATURAL METEORITES COMBINED. ONLY A GIANT SPACE TORNADO OF THIS ABOVE OUR HEADS. >> I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, A GIANT SPACE TORNADO OF DEATH SOUNDS LIKE THE COOLEST WAY THAT YOU COULD I DO. NO, NO, I TAKE IT BACK, THE COOLEST WAY TO DO IS STILL BEING TRAMPLED TO DEATH IN A STAMPEDE EVERY HANNAS, THAT IS STILL NUMBER ONE. BUT THIS IS PRETTY CRAZY. THANKS TO CLIMATE CHANGE, OUR PLANET IS GOING TO BE COMPLETELY CIRCLED IN STRASH. ALIENS ARE GOING TO BE FLYING PAST THE PLANET LIKE THIS LOOKS LIKE A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD. LOCK THE DOORS. >> DAD, YOU'RE SO PLANETTIST. >> WILL YOU UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU HAVE FLORKS OF YOUR OWN. >> Trevor: SO THAT IS WHAT WE ARE FACING WITH CLIMATE CHANGE. A LOT OF WEIRD LITTLE EFFECTS THAT WHEN YOU ADD THEM ALL TOGETHER, ENDS UP BEING BASICALLY EVERYTHING. WE COULD BE FACING A FUTURE WHERE YOUR SEX-STARVED HUSBAND GETS KILLED BY SPACE JUNK WHILE HE IS ON THE WAY TO JOIN THE TALIBAN. AND DON'T FORGET PLEASE DO NOT FORGET WHAT IT IS GOING TO DO TO OUR FRIENDS, THE SEA TURTLES. >> THE FEMALE GREEN TURTLE APPROACHES A POTENTIAL MATE. FOR THE MALE TURTLE, THIS DELICATE RITUAL IS PART OF AN ENDLESS NIGHTMARE MAYORISH ORGY FROM WHICH HE CANNOT ESCAPE. HE WILL HAVE NO PEACE, NO REST, NO MOMENT TO ENJOY A TASTY BED OF SEA GRASS. DIGNITY, A DISTANT MEMORY. HE IS NOTHING MORE THAN A COMMUNAL REPTILIAN [BLEEP] STICK ATTACHED TO A SHELL. PASSED AROUND FROM FEMALE TO FEMALE AND EXPECTED TO SLAM TURTLE PUSS24 SLRK 7, HE JUMPS JOYILESSLY, THOUGH HE IS EXHAUSTED, HIS SUFFERING WILL NOT END UNTIL EITHER HIS TURTLE PENIS CHAIFED RAW BY THE OCEAN SALT WATER FINALLY FAILS. OR A TIGER SHOCKER DELIVERS HIM THE SWEET MERCY OF DEATH. ALL RIGHT, WHEN WE COME BAC
