The Connection Strategy | Jud Wilhite | Central Church

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good to see you guys today thank you for being here with us we are diving into a brand new teaching series this weekend called happier together i'm very excited about it i think we all need it i know i always do uh i think it was a just not too long ago lori walked out she was all dressed and ready to go and she said how do i look now listen i know how to answer this question okay we've been married almost 25 years i've made so many mistakes i know that the answer is you look good in anything right but this is what actually came out of my mouth i said that's a great shirt those are old lady jeans and as soon as i said it once again i knew like judd think man think and the worst part about it was i was right in the middle of teaching a relationship series when this happened so i'm just telling you like we're all fellow strugglers here me included we're all trying to figure it out but i think that's why it's good for us to pause periodically and just think about some biblical principles for how we treat one another and how we manage life together and especially in this season i mean i think if you look back over the last 18 months there's been a lot of strain on individuals a lot of strain on families a lot of strain and that we've all faced and families have taken a hit marriages have taken a hit uh you know just uh friendship relationships have taken a hit it's been challenging and if you're there right now if you're struggling in a family or a marriage or just with kind of your relational life i want you to know it's okay to not be okay we're thrilled that you're here it's a normal part of the process and especially when you consider all that we've been through over the last 18 months but i think it's important for us to lean into some biblical principles that can help us move forward you know all the research shows your quality of life is determined by the quality of your relationships your quality of life is determined by the quality of your relationships in other words your relationships are good then generally a lot of things in your life are going to be good right if your relationships are bad that generally a lot of things in your life are going to be a struggle there's a direct connection between our relational world and our quality of life and it's not just like marriage or romantic relationships it's family it's kids it's siblings it's the relationships that we carry in our lives so over the next several weeks we're going to look at some strategies that i think can help us build a stronger us and we're going to start this week we're going to talk a little bit about the power of connection and the connection strategy unpack some principles here um and i think it's going to be really great for us to pause here next week we're going to talk about the new attitude strategy and that's really kind of dealing with a new perspective in our relationships to realize we're the only ones we can actually change and what does it look like to focus on ourselves in a relationship and then to maybe lovingly influence somebody else what's also cool about next weekend is it is our back to church bash hello and so we're going to be having like all kinds of crazy stuff going on across all of our locations fun for the whole family lots of free things happening lots of excitement and then laurie and i are going to teach together and uh we're going to talk a little bit about what we've learned in almost 25 years of marriage so she'll tell you the real story next weekend okay week three we're going to look at the believe the best strategy and this is really an approach that says look um we are uh we're we're better off being cheerleaders than being critics of one another and how we can believe the best and be cheerleaders then we're going to look at healing dealing with the past so that it doesn't blow up in our present and my hope is just through this whole teaching series if you're here and they are over here whoever they may be friend family member sibling kid spouse um my hope is that if we can build on some of these strategies what will happen is we'll start to grow closer together because ultimately we're growing closer to god and so that's what we're going to be doing throughout this series now we were going to call it happy together which is more punchy than happier together right like happy together come on y'all that's like that's punchy that's what but i started thinking about i was like you know what that may be over promising you know what i'm saying like like i don't know that we can get to happy together that's a steep climb right there but we can all get happier right we can all get a little happier so we're all about baby steps here at central right progress you know let's not set the bar too high so we could never get there so we're just going to talk about happier together all right keeping it real that's right all right so let's dive in let's look at the first kind of relationship in the bible genesis chapter 2 beginning in verse 18. uh here's what we see we see adam is um you know created as the first human what's interesting is god has created all these things and in genesis account he says again and again it's good it's good like you ever do something and you're like man that was good you ever do like i'll do something around the vet you know i don't know what it is even do the dishes and i'll be like hey everybody everybody right over here let me just tell you what happened it's good right here that's good right i i watched the opening um nfl game the cowboys and the buccaneers and i'm a lifetime cowboys fan you know and so i'm watching this game and and i was pretty confident we were going gonna lose going into the game i mean it's it's the buccaneers and they have tom brady you know all i do is win tom brady right and so he goes out and uh and sure enough we we lost but but there was at least a few moments where the buccaneers were nervous about it and doc prescott looked amazing and the cowboys were driving the ball and i had lots of moments like oh that's good that's good right there that's good the score doesn't tell the whole story that was good god looks out at his creation he says it's good it's good it's good it's good you see that it's good and then he creates the human being made in his own image and likeness and this is what he says genesis chapter 2 beginning in verse 18 when we get to the red word just say it out loud here with me make sure we keep everybody awake it says then the lord god said it is not good for the man to be what alone it's not good for him to be alone i will make a helper who is just right for him that word right there helper it's a fascinating word because it's an interesting word the new living translation translates it helper i'ma make a helper for him it's actually the hebrew word to track it throughout the old testament it's often translated rescuer come on ladies [Applause] and even savior right all the ladies be like we got gypped off in that new living translation version man i'll make a helper for it how about a savior for him and i can definitely tell you from my experience with lori that rescuer and to some degree savior next to jesus is uh definitely been the role that she has played in my life but here's the point like the rescue was needed for the current state of affairs and the current state of affairs was that the guy was alone we're made for community and i think this is about more than just marriage it's about relationships in general we're made to connect with one another you may be an introvert but you still need other people you may love nature but you still need other people you know you may be kind of so hurt with people that you're like i'm done i'm done i'm never dating again i'm never hanging i don't even want to be around people but you still need other people because we're created to need that connection and so i want to share a few questions with you that i think can be helpful uh in marriage in dating and also just with family and friends it could be helpful in allowing all of us to connect better in our relationships the first question that i want you to think about asking when it comes to people that you love in your life is simply this how do they receive love like how do they receive love this is one of the most important questions that you can ask about your kids about your spouse about the person you may be dating you can even change it a little bit how do they receive appreciation it's a good question to be asking about your boss right people you work with and the reason it's so important is because we often try to show love to others in the way we receive it we often try to show appreciation to others in the way we receive it but they may not receive it the same way and so it's missing them completely i mean when lori and i first got married she was um she was finished college and then she became a schoolteacher at the local uh elementary school and so she was she would come home new teachers know what i'm talking about she would walk in and be totally exhausted right like i mean just like zombieland and when our schedules overlapped where one day of the week was i always work on the weekends i was a pastor then already one day a week um you know i would be home all day and she would be gone and i remember i would think man if i really wanted to show her that i loved her if i really wanted to show her that i cared if i was going all out i would clean and i mean i would clean all day i'd be like oh man i'm going to clean that closet you know and and then i'll i'd even take pictures of my work you know so that i could i could you know i just wanted everybody to realize how far this was going this was love y'all i would i mean i would vacuum i would mop i would do the dishes i would even do the laundry because she hated laundry i would do the things and she would come in at the end of that long day exhausted i'd be like lori can't you see how much i love you look i clean i'd walk her around come here come here come here anybody anybody else do this i want to show my stuff off man i'm gonna be like check this out look at that look at that look how clean that closet is right there amazing and look over here look look the baseboards look i got the baseboards did you see i want you to get down here and look they were nasty i got in the corners and lori be like oh thank you you know i appreciate that and then she would go sit on the couch and i'd be so angry be like man i did this for you you don't appreciate all that i do for you now am i in somebody's marriage yet you don't appreciate all the things that i i do all the stuff that i do for you and here's what i had to learn the hard truth was acts of service is not how my wife receives love that's how i receive love right lori just wants me to sit on the couch and talk in some ways much more difficult way harder than cleaning but i've learned like if i want to show her i love her i don't have to clean i don't have to do all these things that aren't really about how she receives love i just need to be willing to sit down and listen not try to fix anything and just ooh and awe and be really dialed in but not try to like i don't have to own it i don't have to run off and fix it just listen and she'll feel closer to me in that moment she will receive that moment as love she's learned with me if she really wants to go all out she like does the laundry in the dishes and when i come home she does the same thing she's just she's like come here look at this let me show you all the things i did because i love you but that's important um you see it uh when a relationship starts out i mean it's all feelings and you know it's you know initially you're like oh they're so cute and and they're so you know or they're they're so handsome and and you know there's all the conversation and there's the butterflies and everybody's always like i got the butterflies i get the water blocks did you get the butterfly i got the butterfly you know at some point the butterflies are likely to die [Applause] you know you all everybody starts running through the fields to the sound of music you know but at some point the soundtrack becomes metallica and you got to like figure out what to do in those seasons when maybe it doesn't feel like it used to feel and that's where i think commitment comes in and connecting with one another in a way that you show them love genesis chapter 2 verse 23 we see the power of commitment god comes in and he creates the woman from man it's taken from some translation say a rib but but it's more significant than that the hebrew word is more like a side like the side of a building it's like you know a chunk and um here's what the guy says when he first sees here's what adam says when he first sees eve uh at last the man what exclaimed you see that he's fired up this one is bone from bone and flesh from my flesh and she will be called woman because she was taken from man now i think this english translation just misses the excitement of what's going on here adam is looking out and he's been trying to navigate this stuff but he's basically alone and eve comes rocking up in the garden and he's like whoa man there's something new in the garden and i like it we'll call her woe man and then he says she'll she's boned from my bone she's flesh from my flesh which is really a word about commitment you know we're we're committed it's like if you in in wedding vows people say like till death do us part or in sickness and in health i mean that's what that kind of old testament phrase is like bone from my bone flesh from my flesh it's a statement of commitment but when things get hard in a marriage or things get hard in relationships one of the most powerful things that you can do is figure out how they receive love so that you know when you're trying to show that you're committed and show love to them they will receive it so i want you to think if you've never done this have your kids your friends ask them like how do you receive love now guys you got to be careful here because like if you go up to your guy friends and you're like hey bro how do you receive love guys going to be like well i receive love by you never saying that to me again right but i think you can simply say or kind of try to find out like like what makes them feel valued or appreciated you know and that's that's one of the ways you can communicate uh things to them there's there's many things gary small smally wrote a book years ago called the five love languages and if i can remember them uh they are um acts of service quality time gift-giving [Music] meaningful touch words of affirmation gary smaller you got nothing on central we got you you may be like well i don't know i don't even know how i received love i uh my son came to service last night and we were driving back home he goes i don't know i don't think i don't think any of that i don't know i don't know how i receive love and i said well often the way you figure out like how you receive love is you think about how you try to give love almost unconsciously because you're often like dialing in then to how you receive it and we started talking on the way home and he's like you know i think it he goes what the most important thing for me is i like to leave notes for people and i'm like you do he goes the gift really doesn't matter but i spend all this time like figuring out what i'm going to say in the note because the note matters i'm like ethan you remember a while back you in the middle of the night because he's a night owl you made chocolate chip cookies for all of us which was cool but then he wrote this sweet handwritten note telling us he all loved us and put them above the chocolate chip cookies which took probably longer than the chocolate chip cookies and he goes yeah i said i think that's how you receive love words of affirmation and he just lit up he's like that's so cool he's like i see that it's like i thought i was like some freak or something and now i realize like that is that's me anyway how you receive love is very important so if you've never done it or if you haven't done it in a long time make sure that your spouse your friends your kids have them write down the things that you do or others do that cause them to feel loved or appreciated and have that in your phone because if you want to know how to communicate your commitment and your love to them that's your guide right there it's not what you want to do for them you say that again it's not what you want to do for them it's what you want what you can do for them that will cause them to feel how much you love them okay second question is this am i playing the comparison game am i playing the comparison game you know it's uh we live in a culture where we're always tempted to compare and relationships are no different you look at instagram you could look at your you know somebody that you was your friend and then they fell in love and they started dating somebody else and then they're like gone you know what i'm talking about they're often la la land love land [Music] and they're posting all these things on social media and that could be frustrating that can make you want to start compare or you know you look at your life or your kind of family or your kids and you look at somebody else's social media and everything's perfect and it's like you know the white house photo everywhere they go you know it's amazing you look at their vacations wow do they ever like work another cool trip on the weekend you know we're just hanging out trying to pay for the air conditioning bill yeah you know it's just the temptation all around all of us is to look around and compare with everybody else right and here's what i've just learned in my life and i still have to fight this but i just think it's true across the board as soon as you start to compare you will start to despair like as soon as you go down that road it never leads to you focusing on gratitude and the things you have and unless you're comparing down you know oh look at how bad they got it down there thank you god but most of the time we compare up right and we go oh man if my life was like that then it would be amazing right and sometimes we do this in in relationships with families you know like um sometimes you can be at work and uh you know you're struggling in a relationship and you see some guy or some girl and they're they're really charming and they're awesome and you're like hey wow and then you think back to the person you're currently with you're like man not so well and you can just start you could and here's what we forget when you see another person at work or in a social environment you're only seeing a small sliver of who they are right you're not getting the you know what the whole picture is is thanksgivings with family it's it's in-laws it's taking care of aging parents it's it's kids and grandkids and all the dynamics around that the whole picture is like you know he's going to get the the growing waistline and the receding hairline and all the things that come with it right but but but comparing will just put you in an unhealthy place so i want you to all consider this when you think about the people you love your kids your family and others just avoid the temptation to compare focus on the good focus on the fact that god has brought them to you one of my friends who's kind of a relationships expert in his teaching he says something that is a little controversial but it's it's powerful he says people always want to focus on their problems he says don't focus on your problems he says focus on your togetherness because if you focus on your togetherness and you start moving closer together he goes it's interesting the problems will often take care of themselves or dr john gottman one of the leading sort of scientific researchers if you will in the relationship spirit for the past 20 years he says that north of 75 of relationship conflict in a marriage never gets resolved so you either learn to live with it or you don't but most couples if they focus more on togetherness than on trying to fix whatever they think has to be fixed will find that those things just aren't as important down the road as they once thought they were so don't compare doka bear and then my third question for you is simply this am i bringing my best self to the relationship am i bringing my best self you know if you're dating right now it's easy early on to sort of bring your best self i mean guys you know they they bring them best selves and when they sort of pass atomic odors in the car they crack the window you know they're like hey just letting some air in they don't let you know what's going on right they're just like nope just you know letting a little fresh air it's only later that you'll be like man what's that and they're like welcome to the rest of your life yes you know but we all put our best foot forward that's why if you're dating listen i would say two things make god number one in your life put him first and give it plenty of time you want time for those people to really reveal who they are and if you're dating right now you want to be asking questions like hey how do they treat their parents how do they treat their family [Applause] do they let me have the remote uh one person said never marry anybody until you see how they react when the wi-fi goes down right give it time right why because you're trying to see because everybody puts their best foot forward early but you're trying to see like who are they really my question for you is this maybe the most important question after faith-oriented questions is simply this are they a giver or a taker um i'm just going to tell you almost 30 years of ministry lots of counseling you want to be with a giver right you want to be with a giver that's an important question give us some time because sometimes we put a fake self forward in the dating phase early on but over time the reel starts emerging but my real point is in the context of marriage and family relationships i think a powerful question is to say like am i continuing to bring my best self you put that kind of fake self forward maybe even your best self forward in the early days but then later you get real lazy about it right and now we kind of know everything and we just sort of let it go and we're we're no longer being intentional one powerful question to ask is simply this what's it like to be married to me just sit with that because we often want to look at them and think they need to change they need to work their stuff out if they would just get it together stop being themselves we would be happy but the but maybe a bigger question is like what's it like and this isn't just marriage think about come on parents what's it like being on the other side of me what's it like living with me and how can i bring my best self to my wife my family my kids you know how how can i bring um a self that is being intentional about this relationship and intentional about our families because if the 18 months has taught us anything it has taught us that life is short that man it is precious and that we should not take for granted those who are closest to us so show them love don't compare and then focus in and bring your best self to the relationship and it will strengthen that commitment that you have with one another i had a friend sent me this email i thought it was so good i wanted to share it with you she said i was so lonely i wanted the night on the white horse to come and rescue me and then i realized that he was there the whole time and he was christ and he was the one who would rescue me i've been putting conditions i've been putting conditions on what i wanted in my life to make me happy and when i removed those conditions and totally opened myself up to his love and trusted that everything he planned for me was the best then i finally felt inside that there was a peace that passes understanding she says i've waited and waited and waited and now in the waiting my faith has been renewed and i'm living a blessed life now because there is peace and in that peace there is no fear that's the peace that i believe god can bring into all of our lives and it's the peace that can help us be happier together even if it's still challenging and difficult maybe you're here today and maybe god's been tapping you on the shoulder maybe he's been calling you to come home to him and if that's where you're at i just want to give you an opportunity to reach out to him today receive his goodness and his forgiveness in your life so would all of you bow your heads and close your eyes if you'd like to become a follower of jesus you can begin that journey by repeating this simple prayer either out loud or in your own heart and mind just say dear god i thank you for loving me thank you for sending jesus into the world i believe he died on the cross for my sins i believe he rose again forgive me for my sins give me the gift of eternal life help me face the challenges that i'm up against god i surrender my life to you in christ's name and friends with every head bowed and every eye closed if that's your prayer today if that's your commitment i want to ask you to just slip your hand in the air just make eye contact with me just to say before god and to say to me you're going to trust him in your life today god bless you guys thank you thank you thank you just reach out to him today thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you god we love you and i thank you for each one of these individuals just reaching out to you i pray you'll fill their life with your goodness with your purpose work and move in them in profound ways as they surrender to you we give them to you and commit them to you now in christ's name amen [Applause] [Music] if you made a spiritual commitment in your life i just want to tell you congratulations love to encourage you to go to central.family and just click the link i've decided to follow jesus we'd love to send you a free resource called how to follow jesus that'll be super helpful to you on the journey well would all of you stand together with me now we're going to close out with a final song here so i'm going to throw it to drew and the team and let's worship god with all of our hearts [Music] [Music] you take with the enemy [Music] [Music] and you turn [Music] come on [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] victory [Music] foreign [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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Channel: Central Church
Views: 691
Rating: 5 out of 5
Keywords: central church, central online, central live, drew bodine, it's okay to not be okay, pastor jud wilhite, jud wilhite, Sermons, online church, easter at central, christmas at central, first step, celebrate recovery, groups, central youth, cy nights, cy, mancave, girls night out, me time, hope for the city, central academy, faith
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Length: 32min 2sec (1922 seconds)
Published: Sun Sep 12 2021
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