The Chuckle Dungeon 2.0 - Chuckle Sandwich EP. 53

what is up chucklers and here we are in the big sandwich once again we saw how much you guys liked the last chuckled dungeon it was it was very very heartwarming to see all those comments and all those posts and how much these guys liked the last chuckle dungeon um so we are here doing it again for chuckle week number two i've got another little one-shot adventure prepared and i'm very very excited to have you guys here [Music] hey you okay man yeah my lung capacity is not what he used to be yeah he's been sniffing so much of that boom boom is it is it [ __ ] you up dude that boom boom no no no no it's not it it it it's just weird that when you said that when you said no a vein popped out in your head does that feel better when i have it and i feel worse when i don't right it's just why are you saying it's popping out like you're dude you're choking right now don't unchalk shulk on shulk and shulk i'm ready we're here yeah i forget what we did last time before we started because i'm just like i'm ready to go yeah i don't know i remember well last time you you kept us out of the the studio for about like an hour and a half and then we walked in so i could get enough of schles [ __ ] allergens yes in the air definitely the first time it was me just dying yeah no i've definitely felt it though a little bit but schlatt was he was we don't have any smoke this time but we are we're jazzed we're jazzed are you excited yeah i mean if you brought smoke this time you would have gotten smoked i'm drinking that i'm drinking that good good pink pink fantasy liquid ooh oh i've got some of it too i got we we've been the mana this is the man charlie charlie you've been acting different since you started going on the banana flash of clan's elixir what what do you mean what do you mean i'm really excited to do things ah i'm almost at the mega knight to mecca knight what does that mean that reminds me of the night poop seven percent seventy percent i had a fat night poop last night oh i was i was i was specifically oh yeah well yeah i was specifically referring to several nights ago where i had to [ __ ] one night and then all of a sudden i felt like i was going to throw up and almost needed to pass out this is awesome it was terrible no it was terrible i eventually just circled around let's just jump right in let's just roll speaking of a big [ __ ] honky pile of [ __ ] let's get into it honky pile of [ __ ] let's just roll with that oh thank you man okay you guys ready yes oh i'm so excited okay we can do it the mithril valley has earned its place as the global center of technological and magical advancement in these last few centuries this glimmering skyline of emerald and silver buildings and skyscrapers is beautiful but also ruthless everyone who wants to be anyone makes their way through this town sooner or later and this valley spits out most of them in pieces people all come through mithral valley for something but fortune favors the few that will do whatever it takes to reach out and grab it we see as two figures walk up an ascending staircase towards a looming skyscraper bathed in neon light the flickering sign on the building reads omni-roon the largest and wealthiest conglomerate in the valley but today it is a target as these figures approach please ted schlatt introduce your characters oh you got this my name is jim lyon great all right yeah good luck following that one up buddy my name is jim lyon the lion should i just read my you know pitch it over you want you can also like describe sort of what you look like as you're walking what kind of person you are whatever you want to say about your character you've got the stage out of the darkness out of the mist walks a towering figure of seven feet tall it is then revealed that it is a lion man wearing a jet black turtleneck with a with a with a christian jesus chain on it he's canon now um um he's religious he's got really tight tight tight [ __ ] jeans oh my god like they are his balls are cupped by these jeans visibly visibly cupped it is like something you'd see and they've got that sort of like fake it's like eggs in a vacuum yes yes and they've got sort of that like fake ripping going on where it's like oh they bought this for like maybe 300 gold 340 bullion at the currency now at the local market um this is jim lyon the lion i'm just going to read the backstory please do it's so good he grew up in squalor his parents knew little of his entrepreneurial thinking and this angered jim to no end he then set himself on becoming the richest and most successful man he knows even going to set up a pyramid scheme in his hometown making everyone just slightly more money than they were making before but establishing him as a ruthless but also awesome but also awesome businessman um and garnering many many fans in his hometown and in the surrounding area making him a local hero he then continued his success story story by releasing his book millionaire facts with a z um which gives general advice on motivation and goal attaining without any substance on what any of it actually translates to in real life becoming famous for quotes such as i'd rather cry in my royal carriage than be happy in a rickety cart however he gained some enemies along the way such as widely renowned renowned philanthropist and model mr perfect um whose book on making sure you're taking care of yourself and do what makes you happy and the money will follow um can you imagine rather than jim's ideals of the grind never stopping and communism has never worked every time it's been tried um caused it to outsell jim's book by only 10 copies which is unacceptable in jim's eyes his positive outlook and generally healthy way of viewing a career along with his lack of needing to grind angers jim lyon jim longs to prove that the grind never stops and the and money is the only object in someone's life opting only to associate people with people married to the grind after be being denied alone in order to fund his new startup that would teach about nfts also known as non-fungible tones oh it keeps getting worse at the small price of giving a 50 stake in the product jim has decided to dig deep into his motivational mindset and get the money he needs no matter what people who die were just not motivated enough to live hell yeah and gotta say when you described a seven foot tall lion with skinny jeans i immediately thought of a lazy lion the non-very perfect he's not lazy no he ain't lazy um just to give another just to give some description i don't know if there's any more description oh yeah yeah what is he i guess i was male 1 um my eyes piercing blue piercing he looks he looks at the desert power that's what i'm thinking um do you have any idea what he's talking about in dune when they get the they get the blue eyes and they go desert power that's what that's what they said jim lyon has desert power jim from dunes has a little bit of desert power going on he's trying to get more though his height seven feet tall obviously his faith money his hair lion's fur skin lion we're there writing this age lion age um 35 but he looks 27 uh for a lion which and his weight perfect bmi oh [ __ ] bmi holy [ __ ] wow wow what was the book you said called again millionaire facts with a z millionaire facts with a z all right that's just making clarifying it's a z that's not called millionaire effects with a z it's not the literal title yeah we'll see that's the spin-off after this one joining jim lyon stomping up the steps not quite seven feet tall but you can tell he used to be big why be tall when you can be wide exactly introducing circumference like sure like sir yeah and his name is conference conference come friends six feet tall maybe five eleven but some might say that's more than enough rather unassuming he's bald brown eyes no one really paid attention to him oh you know oh no and for that reason he took to the gym the one outlet he had no not you to get big and dare i say get thick because that is what circumference cares about he cares about getting thick he was on his own personal quest to become the biggest man in the gym not not nothing but not this gems no not his jim he's not in your in the gym possibly the thickest man ever and maybe for a minute you were maybe for a minute i was or maybe for a minute i was this close because there was one piece of the puzzle that circumference was missing the ultimate macro the perfect combination of protein carbs calories fat oh sodium sodium vitamin b3 he needed it he needed it a secret guarded only by 10 a month subscription to omni gains this fitness app that was on the app store number one subsidiary of subsidiary of omni roon he heard talks around the gym of a way to hack into omni roon to obtain the ultimate macro without paying ten dollars a month unfortunately circumference is quite a silly stupid man and so instead of taking to the keyboard he took to the streets with his barbell in hand he walked into omni roon smashed into the service not knowing what hacking truly was he hacked the hardware brutally brutally and as a result he was cursed with a potion of thinning honestly it's quite it's it's quite disappointing i mean to to hear this the thickest man or one who aspires to be the thickest man can no longer be the thickest man in fact any time circumference uses his physical strength he gets thinner and thinner and thinner until he's nothing than a stick a twig like one of those kids with very fast metabolism like one of those kids [ __ ] kids nowadays in high school that i envied is to stay thick the task only achievable by attaining the ultimate macro a secret kept beyond these doors he is about to enter into also until he attains this ultimate macro he is propped up solely by his thickening agent walgreens thick now regular string walgreens is his cannon and also his smelling salts oh jesus christ he takes a hit of his boom boom and gets a little bit thinner that gives him the strength he needs to keep going his goal is to not only attain the ultimate macro but to find the man who cursed him and to get his revenge and we'll see if you do oh this is so exciting your guys's characters are so [ __ ] silly i love this one i'm so excited they're so good okay as you walk up these steps it's up to you to how you know each other if you know each other but is there anything you say as you're stepping towards the entrance to this building yes there is there is something to say there is something important i see him i see him and i'm walking up the stairs together man we're walking up the stairs together and i turn to him and i say i say um is he looking through his quote book i think so i see i i say see he pulls out a little i say be so busy that you have no time to be sad oh my god then um oh do you so do you have like what do you have that you're showing him this are you showing him it are you just saying it and then saying i'm basically like well just like imagine like every time i say a motivational quote there's like sort of this ambient boom in the distance ooh like it's like a blind bag awesome yeah so like like be so busy that you have no time to be sad wow like holy [ __ ] that must have been good something just boomed somewhere he's holding the face at you he's holding he's holding the face at you yeah i've been here before oh yeah yes circumference is not a man of many words his vocabulary does not uh stretch very far there's no breadth he's probably he's probably scared that a little width is going to slip out if he keeps exactly yeah exactly every action that i take is motivated by my urge to be thick and to stay thick so any any energy i really expel here is uh is uh wasted until we get through those doors jim well let me let me in that case introduce this because it seems like a good time as you're walking up these stairs circumference you start to feel like you maybe are getting some cardio and you know what happens during cardio oh geez i can't exert myself go ahead go ahead and roll me a constitution saving throw to see if you finn just a little okay just a little thin this is a it's gonna be a d20 and you add your con save modifier it's going to be pretty easy to do this dc but they're going to get harder 16. 18. oh 18 holy [ __ ] you start to feel yourself like thinning a little what do you do to get yourself thicker you get thicker [Music] oh the methanol fills your muscles you feel it you feel it it's cold methanol what is that menthol menth method oh much worse is a gas okay you inhale there's like a little bit in there you inhale mostly menthol and you feel it as this inhale you're sucking in more than just that and you you stay thick you keep your thickness wait no this is an omni games product they're everywhere that ultimate macro is out there man what were you gonna say by the way before you hit the door i was just gonna say um i was gonna say he's got another one jesus christ sorry i can't barely see what i'm doing this face respect your career make it your priority that's the only thing that will feed your family [Music] every one of these has a picture of the joker in front of it just so you know you're here usually the city too is like pretty quiet so it's weird there's so much like big violent cannon crime tonight hey man what's it called omni something omni-room is the company how many gains is the fitness substances i've heard that omni room they got a lot of money and i'm trying to start some businesses i'm trying to make some moves in this doggy dog world indeed indeed but they also have the ultimate you see a doctor need a dog in a nearby alley see what i'm talking about it lies within those gates the ultimate macro lord knows what it is amen i didn't grow up with money i didn't have money when i was growing up no i grinded every day exactly that's what you have to do in the gym we have to grind together you brought all this gym you grinding the gym i grind in the in the business halls yes you know it i think that we can make something happen together i think we can make some serious business going on in the zone business i just want the macro yeah [ __ ] yeah man that's sick and as you guys are sort of idly amping each other up um who you are oh you're looking good well yeah every day a little bit less that's [ __ ] up bro bro dog dude that's [ __ ] [ __ ] you talk too much i talk so much that people don't know who i am talking won't feed your family the ultimate macro will though once i unlock there's a good formula so at this point you guys have fully gone up the stairs you're just sitting in front of the doors um they are they're glass doors so you can kind of see through it's like a lobby kind of area again this is it's it's a very very big tower one of the biggest in the city so you assume you will probably have to go up for what you seek but you don't know here is the lobby in front of you all you got to do is go inside what do you do we just gotta go inside this lobby we could do what i did last time you don't have to go gym line we could do what i did last time from my pocket i pull out a very long 45 pound barbell oh god this is what i used to break through the glass doors last time you see as you're doing this in front of the glass yours one of the people points at you recognition like turns to the receptionist she starts to look over what do you do nothing nothing i i can i look around see what see what sort of like employees guards whatever yes you can space yeah you can so as you smash it right now hey man he's got another one yeah he said some you know what they say set some goals stay quiet about them then smash the hell out of them clap for your own damn self smash the hell out of them smash the hell out of them your goals heavier than it used to be stay quiet about your goals first man then we smashed the hell out of him in the mine man someone's walking out of the of the lobby as you're saying this and they go and i i turned to that guy i turned that guy and i say we like okay yeah and i kiss him on the mouth and then i go back to what i'm doing okay what are you trying to achieve with that just trying to you're just trying to kiss him in the mouth that's just a thing give me a um wait but give me a performance check why not charisma it is no performance is charisma oh really yeah how do i do that you're rolling to kiss a man on the lips i mean i don't i can't let him get away with it you're for free i'm care i'm i'm he's very charismatic yeah so so what based on what you roll is hell he'll respond it's a d it's a d20 plus your performance modifier okay d20 i'm gonna kiss this man that's a [ __ ] two that is a two oh my god that is a [ __ ] um okay this can go one of two ways so two plus four is this six a six bro he goes hell yeah making moves grabs you in instant tongue really yeah instant but like not like you not in a good way you know what i mean okay it's like that was the first part of the secret shake and the second part is happening in your mouth but you don't know it all right yeah okay so i exit that case and then he pushes you away after that and he goes what the hell dude it walks away so he initiated and then he blames me for it okay so being shocked by that interaction i then turn back to when i say be so busy that you don't have time to be sad jim are you trying to distract yourself from what just happened it was really weird man another boom happens in the distance it's like a little like more hesitant this time can i and this you said just so you know this is all in front of the glass window this is all happening outside but also this is all technically happening within the world because of my thaw maturity oh so you're actually making the that's [ __ ] funny yeah yeah that's great that's great jim make your move yeah you said i smash in the wash yeah you said earlier you wanted to look inside i did i want to like look um so let me look inside what you see is it's like a very open area with a lot of sort of geometric like silver architecture uh it's uh illuminated in this sort of like very unwelcoming blue light um and the way this lobby is built too it's a little hard to see from here but as you kind of like peer up and around um outside you could just walk in but as you peer up and around this this glass window you see um on the inside it's like the opening in the inside keeps going up and you see these like shifting kind of geometrical like silver connections between these various walls with windows on them um and between you know in the glass you can see people moving around talking some even making big moves um in that lobby though as your focus sort of shifts downwards there is um right now it's not very busy there's a reception desk with a single receptionist um she looks like a little concerned like looking towards the window right now sort of eyes flipping between you guys um there is a like elevator shaft that's mostly glass that runs behind that um and you guys both give me perception checks so roll me a d20 plus your perception why am i rolling so bad i rolled a three you rolled a three skill yeah it's a skill okay 16. wait perception i think it's because of the angle i'm coming in yeah it's got to be the angle for sure i'm doing the drag you can't do the dragon's fist right now so it's all about form where do i see the sound it's under skills you'll have a little bonus to it you lift incorrectly you die sometimes i've seen it perception plus one i threw that's four you got a four um and what did you get 16. okay circumference you clock uh like a couple of guards sort of like heads down kind of towards the wall area i'm kind of watching around like one of them sort of has a hand on on a radio looking uh towards you um jim coast looks clear damn jim a man walked out of the door it's probably unlocked was going to smash it but i think we could can we stay concealed for a minute badass do you go to open the door i walk up to the door and put my hand on it okay you feel the cold metal under your hand i pull no i push no i pull pick i pull as you go to pull the door jams push through the door you push push through the door opens easily very easily you can walk right in man that was just stressful i rolled to see if it was a push or a pull door oh really yeah okay so yep the door the door opens up uh you are inside you notice pretty quickly with that perception check earlier people are how long ago was it that you literally broke in here and smashed up all of the servers every five six months oh five six months okay you're getting like gazes of recognition and people are seeming wary can i like so you know that like if you just kept hanging out in here probably a problem can i can i can i just like gather the attention of the room with like my muscly thighs yeah what are you doing i just like anyone who's like looking at him because i can see the vibes or i like i i look at them and i'm like kind of like perhaps okay okay so you're gonna you flex your thighs through these well yeah i flexed my eyes and kind of like oh good okay give me another performance check we'll see how well this is okay [ __ ] me let's do this a two a two a two plus what plus the [ __ ] is going on plus what so six um why does this keep happening yeah that's really bad uh what are the odds that i keep rolling this low yeah no it's it's it's not good as you go to as you go like i like i have a lot of charisma it's 50 50 you get under 10 you know it's pretty low pretty low chance i haven't rolled over no you fly i mean you flex your leg you do it people seem like wow that's a lot of oh my god did his pants just rip on the ass oh whoa jim oh my gosh if he moved right now it'd probably go all the way to the cross really doing some work on my echo right now oh man nice though so you know you have like you don't have everyone's eyes you have like a couple of eyes [ __ ] yeah um what else do you guys want to try i i want to try something charismatic again because i'm not i'm not going to be happy until what do you do can't be the same thing um this time okay i give i give up you're getting like whispers too all right i see someone who's around who's around us now who's around us um right now you now that you're inside you can see a couple people are moving in and out of the building a couple sort of slowed down to like look and be like what is he like who is this guy um there's there's a couple people sitting on like their uh roon books rune books rune books uh out on the sort of like sofa it's very open concepts okay like google hq kind of thing jim do you know where the money is where the secrets are i i gotta save my ego real quick give me a second okay i just choose one of them and i and can i say them work until your haters ask if you are hiring okay so you look at um yeah you look at one of these random employees uh walking out of the building and you say work until your haters ask if you are hiring jim this is a corporation there already give me a give me a [ __ ] persuasion check this is the last time one of these things i'm going to let you do yeah like yeah go ahead and roll it 18 18 plus what plus what plus what 18 plus is this charisma or what is this uh this is plus persuasion persuasion plus seven holy [ __ ] 25 25. say say what you said again i say yeah work until your haters ask if you are a hiring i do have haters i do have haters and i want them to ask when i'm hiring wait a second and he pulls a book out of his bag and you see you see they're a very very familiar tome and you got millionaire facts yeah man are you jim lyon yeah whoa hey let me ask you a question what is it jim oh my god oh my god he's like so enthralled by you he like tr he tries it a little back he's like jim i bet you don't have to ask i bet you don't have any haters man how do i lose all my haters no one likes me if you tell me where uh you know anything about the money situation in omni corp i mean blaze roon omni roon romney roon you know anything about the money situation omni roon or who could we talk to and wish we could find out some information like that that would be badass oh jim jim i bet there's nothing about the money situation you don't know man because you are on that grind oh my god hang on can you hit me with another quote real quick um from you should you give these out for free i'll pay you'll pay lucky are those who find it you'll pay he'll pay i'll i'll pay yeah amen i'll do this two free for my fans lucky are those who find a true loyal friend in this fake world damn jim damn you could have gotten ten dollars from him that's so cool what you're doing with your tongue right now coolest thing i've ever seen tell you what i don't know everything around here but you know i'm just an employee for now until the haters are below me and i will crush them this is a worrying person to be amping up but what i can say is word around the block is that i've heard you said all the riches they're all kept i think in the same place here in uh in omni roon which is up there on the 99th floor no one's ever seen that though except the the board people and the shareholders so hey hey thanks man grind hey keep grinding what do you do why are you pulling in for a kiss what is that i kiss him i kiss him on the mouth um yeah it's i mean it's like what do you want it to be like is it like compassionate it's more like a it's more like a you know just like a and it's just it just should be like i respect you kind of yeah okay all right all right yeah dude you're so cool man all right sweet i don't know what this guy's problem is that i'm playing right now [ __ ] [ __ ] okay so we got some information yeah you saw him read millionaire facts he told you 99th floor um he gets a he gets a [ __ ] picture with you real quick and it's on his way jim i'd like to take the elevator the stairs hurt me all right man you know what they say oh never work for yourself unless someone else can do the work i don't i don't that's an elevator aren't you a fan of hard work yeah but also evening out your workload so you make more money sorry do you two have an appointment who am i the receptionist pipes up and i turn around like this yeah i guess we were i turned around like okay we actually that you would need a doctor for that one this is this is just omni rune for the the fa the facing that it looks like you're stuck i'm sorry jim we have to get to the elevator can i try what what do i have for like [ __ ] can i here's what i'll do unfortunately if you don't have an appointment we will have to ask you to leave we're not open to the public right now i use my command spell i say help us that's two words okay so hang on you ca so you just so you know when you cast magic unless you're trying to do it stealthily people can tell you're casting magic oh what i don't know that [ __ ] so that's fine i'm just letting you know everything good oh my god he lost his boom [Laughter] boom see his circumference falls to the floor and his boom boom rolls into a nearby [ __ ] great gone so are you still going to try and cast this by the way um i didn't know that the you could try and cast it subtly i'm not very good not very subtle i'm not very sneaky that's fine you talk fine i can i might as well just i need another boom boom i think that i'll just go into the i'll i'll just be uh what who is this person complimentary can you explain what this person is like or describe this oh yeah of course yeah of course so complimentary boom boom this person employs this person sitting uh at this sort of reception desk with this sort of information all laid out in front of them these various uh little little tablets um with these sort of glowing runes on them that are shifting um they are like a sort of smaller uh gnomish woman with uh with black hair and kind of sharper features and you can tell like as they're as she is talking to you her attention is shifting between a lot of things um can i help you no miss woman i say we're looking for a one-way ticket to the 99th floor okay well yeah um do you you don't i don't think you work here i've never seen you before so you definitely can't get up there that's an example you're here for the job interview oh the job interview yes okay yeah let me see um i think i spoke to mr roon make it just make a deception check roll with deception zero okay i actually roll the one minus one one zero mr roon um uh might have been holy [ __ ] i spoke to a man on the email with a zero she she she turns to you and says you're gonna cry yeah this is this is sad mr roon died 20 years ago oh [ __ ] and then she you see as her finger reaches over to a security button okay she's been on you guys for a while yeah press it oh my god you do you doing this now move the hand away can i cut her head off that's what what actually okay okay [ __ ] oh no it's you and then i just what can i say and then i can say and he brought friends this time girl and then you go can i try to lift a jack roll the [ __ ] attack everything is about to go to [ __ ] i know just so you know i know every single thing is about to hit the fan 17 plus strength jesus christ plus whatever your weapon is that you're using um i haven't actually figured that out so let's just say that my i've just got like uh like i've just got like a a golden crusted battle axe that just says money just the word money all over it okay yeah it's 17 plus two strength right 19 is going to hit this receptionist's armor class roll the damage you'll see the the damage there is the the certain diet twist the damage i didn't know what to do she was going to hit the button i had to cut her head off yeah there's no other option in ds okay so 1d08 yeah what the [ __ ] is that is that this uh no it's uh it looks like um it looks like this this little thing this little rhombus yeah that thing go ahead and roll that and add what are you adding um it's my battle x yeah um hit slash dc is five and then it's one d8 plus two okay yeah roll it that two i got a five you do seven damage store she's [ __ ] dead how do you how do you kill this yourself so so basically what she said well so what just happened where it was like i wasn't really paying attention but so she was so she looked over and she saw him pull out the dumbbell the bar and she said oh my god it's you and she turns up to you as she sees the last thing she ever sees and and i say me no like woman just pull out [Music] me no like woman yeah you say see here's the thing about the motivational guys they sometimes have moments of misogyny right oh where they accidentally kill violently cut off the head okay yeah so he's like yeah you yeah so he's so he's just like he's like just something on the lines of just like this is taking too long man like i just cut her head off okay yeah um don't waste your time no i don't waste my time no you don't waste my time with the words i like to take action and hit the grind baby oh my god you cut her [ __ ] hat off before she hits the security button i guess the other two security guards instantly see that you have cut a woman's [ __ ] head off and go holy [ __ ] [ __ ] call the actual police uh and they both are going up yeah before the head hits the floor i pick it up and i throw it at one of the security guards both of you roll initiative right [ __ ] now roll initiative right now roll for the regular 20 it's a d20 plus your initiative holy [ __ ] guys you had to do this you had to do this holy [ __ ] i told him before this i was like don't worry guys it'll be more open-ended because i really trust you with the situation i put forward she's she was quite difficult you know six plus what i got a no six i got a i got a nine i got a nine minus something definitely i don't think i ever get initiative i have to the top yeah i have a six as well oh my god okay um that is not going to be fast enough as soon as you cut these two security guards uh uh pull out would almost look like these um like uh uh like stoned like um kind of weird like gun like weapons with sort of runes on the side of them uh and they're both just gonna say like holy [ __ ] [ __ ] he killed judy and they're gonna open fire on you um they're gonna go for both of them on you obviously because you just committed murder um so the first one is going to be a good person no first one is a nine to hit does a nine hit your ac oh nine what aren't your armor class does nine hit your armor class i have an eighteen armored clown it does not um does that mean does that mean i dodge how do you want to like result so like like just as if i'm like i'm like beautiful squidward in that one episode of spongebob i just start like going like this and like she's like he's really drunk what the hell are you what are you it's like all the bullets are just like going around um yeah i can't stop crying from laughter i love this the other one is going to try and while that's happening can i just say like uh i need to oh yeah oh yeah okay i say i'm not here to fit into your world i'm here to build my own world i don't want to live in it this other guy's going to open fire um oh this other one is going to be a uh 22 to hit you this is what happens when you mess with jim lyon i think that is my voice now i'm not here to fit in your world i am here to build my own world oh my god i've decided that's my accent you get hit i get hit you get hit by this one yeah i say oh why does he like it um kind of good i like to be stopped sometimes he like looks down at the gun like really nervous do i keep shooting him man i don't know uh you're you're gonna take uh five piercing damage oh [ __ ] okay okay um did you guys both tie on a six yeah so five piercing damage i had thirty three so that's just take five damage and you see as as this guy also is going to um pull out um this like sort of it's not a walkie-talkie it's almost like it's like a stone uh pretty much speaking stone yeah um and he's gonna pull it out uh to his ear and he's gonna clock in he's going to be like we've got a problem on the they killed judy man and then like over the line you're like judy that was the nicest [ __ ] woman i ever knew uh and you can tell that like backup is is coming um okay eventually we have to get to this episode for now you both got a six on initiative right yeah okay so you guys so the rest of this fight we only have six yeah that's just like when you go in the order so these guys have both gone everyone that was in the lobby is [ __ ] running running away as fast as they can screaming as like as you're they're just like with like the barbell like this and i'm just like it's like [ __ ] jojo characters this is yeah you you see you see as out of one of their bags like [ __ ] like millionaire gains falls out and like the blood splatter goes over it they're running away like i can't make moves like this man uh they run out um you guys are both on a six right now you know other guards are coming uh you got the elevator you got a dead receptionist hey what do you do um i'm a goliath i'm a barbarian i have an extra attack okay i'm gonna try and attack these people both of the weights on the end of my barbells i take off and like two little bakugan or two little beyblades uh-huh it's an improvised weapon right or or are you like what are you are you is it like the throwing axes or whatever it is we've changed why don't you make two ranged attacks with a throwing axes okay hold on what's the 12 this one that's the d12 so roll the d20 first and we'll see if you hit three that's awesome three plus plus plus what plus you're to hit with that plus my two hit uh under actions you should have like a little it's like strength plus your proficiency so i think it's plus eight for you if i'm not missing yes so it's plus eight so it's one plus eight three eleven eleven is not gonna do it unfortunately one of your weights goes wide and crashes through that uh that glass uh panel you guys walked through at the very beginning goes flying out into the street but the other one rolled hit with the other one uh 14 14 is going to hit the second guy go ahead and roll damaged as you clock him right in the head with this weight it's uh seven seven damage okay he's looking like really really bad um you [ __ ] him up super super good knock him right in the face it's like a little more caved in than it used to be um he's not looking good other guy's looking okay um are you going to use your movement at all or anything else on your turn um i have something i could do for this last guy did i successfully throw the head oh i forgot that you did that go ahead and roll [ __ ] roll and attack with an improvised weapon who are you throwing the head at the left the guy i missed okay yeah go ahead yeah make an attack with an improvised weapon i forgot you did that before initiative is that a that's just an uh it's it's a it's again a d20 plus you're plus eight oh my god uh ten ten uh unfairly unfortunately these severed head does not this lady goes uh flying too high and and just like uh lands in one of these nice kind of like open pools they have um people look over and scream i think i'd like to do a little bit of magic uh go right ahead is that the end of your turn well you do you are starting to hear footsteps of people i figure we should start moving towards the elevator i have an idea okay you can move towards the elevator if you'd like it's up to you you still have movement i take judy's chair with me and i move towards the elevator crab is her body still on it not anymore okay you put you push judy's body off the chair and start like dragging a chair towards towards the elevator you can get into it with that too um yeah and it's uh it's um actually you go over there um let's say this could be fun actually let's say you hit the button for the elevator isn't there a guy still there though there are two guys there well then we beat one of them all right you don't need to no you didn't you just hit him you don't need to kill you don't need to like kill everything like you don't need to kill people you know what like you don't need to even if even if these guys are your problem there's more guards coming you do not need to kill these guards yeah absolutely i'm just going to roll real quick when he hits this button to see how far away the elevator is okay [ __ ] the elevator is very much towards the top of the building um uh you see and it is on the i'm gonna roll a d100 to see what floor it's on i know it's high um it is on the 62nd floor right now and i say [ __ ] um go ahead that's your turn it's coming down and we can roll each basically round to see how many more floors it gets down okay i would like to do a command spell on one of the guards okay yeah word kill which card which card what which card do you do it on whichever one or actually smash face or not smash face actually actually different word help in help okay interesting um okay and which one are you doing it on uh ethan or paul they're both real people and they have families one that hasn't had a smash face okay the one without a smash face okay cool he's gonna make a wisdom saving throw against yours what's your spell save dc do you know i don't know let me know what that is spell save dc how do i find that i'm sorry it's no it's okay it's in actions right save you see it's 15. 15. okay he got a 14. uh so he's just gonna fail you say help mm-hmm okay uh weird this is a one word thing so i guess you could really do that however okay you shouted him help and uh what does it look like when your presence overtakes him cause he's like why would i and he goes like he goes like he takes on the same facial expressions yes he gets motivated you make moves he gets motivated he feels the need to grind and to grind to help us and he goes and like a boom happened the boom happens over so it's like he's like he's like not you man you are my best [ __ ] friend you see my only friend is the grind this way jim and you see as this guy uh is gonna run over to a door sort of on the side um uh he like grabs this sort of key ring from his belt stick it in uh twists it and opens it up you guys do unfortunately it is a staircase but it is another way besides this elevator that's now only on like floor 59 and he's looking at you like this yeah hold on i can't take the stairs i'll get thinner thinner [Laughter] [Music] what else do you want to do that's your action you still have your movement i still have my movements of your movement if we go up those stairs it's going to be it's going to be i say that we i'm going to say i'm going to give you 30 seconds i say we go up one floor just to avoid the just to avoid the guards so they don't know where we are catch the elevator at the second floor good idea so you're gonna use your movement to do that yeah go up the stairs okay me go upstairs okay squeeze all right sweet please yeah you do you take off you take off towards the stairs uh and you start running up them um how heavy are you you've gotten thinner i have gotten thinner i'm probably 170 pounds okay i have a perfect bmi i know make a strength check make an athletics check d20 plus athletics damn you plus athletics um yeah yeah yeah athletics i want you guys to roll good so badly athletics check but you're rolling badly so good uh athletics check yes how much that's a six jesus [ __ ] christ okay uh with a what is it plus your your thing a six plus what two six plus two with an eight you drag circumference about about to the door you are at the door but you're not rolling so badly you really really are that is gonna end both of your turns up next is these two guards and um one of them is you don't help mode bill c oh yeah he is he is so it's just one right now um you hear the footsteps getting closer but for now it's just this one guy he's gonna try and take another shot at you um that is a natural [ __ ] one uh he absolutely misses is there like a particular way that you just like wanna [ __ ] this guy's like shot up um he's shooting at me yeah he's trying to shoot at you again um can i like sort of like ruin device can i like as the rune device shoots at me can i turn to him and then with my piercing blue eyes look at the bullet and then it dissolves in front of my eyes [ __ ] just like with like a gaze of just like yeah absolutely he fires and you look right over and at it like you look you look it and with your desert desert power it like turns into like glitter and like splashes against your face and then i just go like this behind you and then we keep going and i keep dragging this [ __ ] dead weight up the stairs is this the power of the grind uh okay cool that is gonna be it it's now both you guys up again uh what do you do how long does the does the uh enchantment last there's palpitations it's it's over now well i think we're out of the area it doesn't really matter does it oh you're just in the doorway you still have to get out of here are we up the stairs no what you're you made it to the doorway dragging him of the of that stairwell where the bottom of the stage of the staircase yeah the door that he was holding open you've made it there dragging him so both you guys um do whatever you want if you take your action to dash so to double your movement is uh you can make it all the way up to this next floor for sure maybe even the third can i should do that so in terms of like my heroism spell can that like perhaps like oh help him in terms of his thinning because you could try the ultimate macro you haven't you haven't actually seen him thin yet you have nothing yet i've thinned for months but he's not thinned yet today did he receive any hit point did he get damaged at all no no damn i think just you have been shot damn these are okay uh i'm gonna give you maybe 30 seconds jim let's go to the top so the stairs i will block the door okay all right you gonna do it let's do it cool um you guys both run up uh you get halfway up to the first floor make a tight turn you do it very uh you do it awesomely you like grab onto the rail swing over it's awesome the rip gets a little bigger but whatever it's cool yeah um you keep running you make it up to that door um you could try and keep going up or you could just make it through that door and try and shut it let's go on the second floor yeah can we enter the second floor yeah absolutely okay so um you burst through that door uh you see that this kind of area because they heard a lot of this commotion is also pretty much cleared out um so you burst through that door you grab it hold it shut uh use my barbell usually oh that's really good oh [ __ ] use your barbell now well until the elevator maybe okay yeah you stick your barbell through that loop in the door that's really really smart bro i love that um uh and you guys are pretty much home free the elevator is only 12 floors away now so it is going to be on floor uh if it's on the 14th floor you know that if you are you are good here for basically another round okay um you're gonna be set so what's a round so it's kind of what we do here so it's like the guards and then you and the round's over okay no i mean like what's around oh what's around look eyes are you looking for anything in particular just surveying just something that could heal me something that could heal you um it is sort of the the the kind of facade of the of the uh you know the lobby is a little more gone now so it's much more like office space any food any food um you do see people like just like just people like skyrim yeah people have cleared out of a nearby um area where they're clearly having some sort of like meeting and you see some baked goods like what type of baked goods baked goods what type of baked goods describe them to me okay yeah there's a actually [ __ ] you they're baked good enough chicken croquettes i've got a cliff bar right here cliff cliff bar protein yes yeah there's a chicken croquette okay up next is going to be these guards i need to eat something so you need to eat something first of all that is not how this works you can sure as hell try and you can eat something absolutely it will not make your gunshot wound heal it will not you can try on your next turn when the elevator gets here you can choose to instead eat a chicken croquette to gain strength i guess you might fix it um okay these guys you hear them rushing up the stairs i feel like i'm have you ever seen that video sorry have you ever seen that video where the dude who's played skyrim plays like d and d it's like that like skip thing yeah where he likes you know that no i love that guy yeah is that that's you right this is this is out of this oh yeah yeah remember when he goes i cut her off i think that i'm being that person right now you are and i'm gonna lean into it they're gonna try and break down this barbell door um from where they are uh they are not going to here's what they'll do they'll basically try and first push up against it they see it isn't working and they try and like they're trying to smash through it together um so i don't think this is going to get can i try to convince these people that it's like isn't worth it to che to chase you yeah yeah you can't see them right now but but like they're breaking down the door so like could i is the door is it thin enough or is it a thick door it's a pretty thick like metal you know like those doors that are like the back staircase with like the metal doors so exactly so they're banging against it um wait they don't make a real dent they don't make a real dent so up next is you guys and wait can i use my thumb turgey yeah to sure call into that hallway and say it ain't worth it boys um it ain't worth it don't follow us okay yeah you make that sound it ain't worth it don't follow us um to try to like convince them they're trying to like demo them i'm trying to de-motivate them from trying to follow trying to de-motivate them i can give and i can take away make a persuasion check with disadvantage disadvantage roll it twice and take the worst one so that is a five okay not good okay so the five rather than the 17. okay a five [ __ ] you um and you see now both of you is ding the elevator gets to the second floor and kind of moves along here and opens up um so the elevator's here still your guys's turn can we get in the elevator yes yes you can yes you can in the elevator but first yeah okay what can i grab a chicken croquette to consume on the way up roll a d4 to see how many chicken croquettes you get ted pyramid holy [ __ ] what i don't even two two two you get two chicken croquettes you get both in eight nice nice nice okay great you're running i need my barbell i need the barbell jim oh [ __ ] yeah can i uh i i i'm like i'm sick now i'm going to thicken the hinges of the door [Laughter] is that like an actual thing he has i sure would like it to be hey let's use the c4 good idea let's just blow the door up they'll have nowhere to go is it possible for me to just stand in the doorway while he goes and gets it well he goes and gets the barbell yeah like you know how like yeah since it's your guys's turn uh you can grab the barbell and get into the elevator right now okay you can do that let's do that let's do that cool you grab the barbell um you hear them pulling back for one more hit and before and right as they charge through the door and it busts open the doors are already closing on you guys but you do have a lot of numbers in an elevator in front of you so what are you doing press 99 okay all right you got it yeah because the woman that i brutally murdered told us 99. there's actually a different guy that made out with you oh right the guy that i made out with told me jim jim you already asked about the 99th floor they're going to expect the elevator to be going there why would they but he would go to 98. you take the stairs the rest of the way that's so funny okay okay you press the button for the 98 don't let your enemies know what you're thinking that way you know who you think and what you are is who you wanted to be yes what the elevator question real quick the elevators it's moving so fast let me ask you a question real quick circumference who do you think you were before you knew who you wanted to be no [Music] [ __ ] you see it goes up to the fifth floor that's hot how fast is it no i'm [ __ ] with you um you see the numbers start to rise and rise and rise through the tens and the twenties and the thirties in circumference this is all too familiar to you because you remember taking this elevator before and you see as it starts to get higher and higher one of these buttons lights up lights up on the 41st floor so you can tell the elevator is going to stop and as it does and as these doors ding open uh you see in front of you you see a man actually uh you you see a man that you may recognize um go ahead and go ahead and make me a history check though what does that [ __ ] mean i've never done this before do a history check history check where would i even find that information on how to do that history check abilities save senses skills it's skills skills history check you may not remember him but you could plus okay so do i d20 d20 plus history wow god it's a two it's a two yeah she's just two no it's just some [ __ ] guy i mean he looks annoying though for sure i say to him hey man what's up uh we're busy and then i just start kind of really fastly hitting the closure that's funny um you would recognize behind this guy uh is the is the server room that you went to last time you see it all sort of laid out before you uh and there's like still some in the back that are like being worked on uh new padlock on that door too yeah all right yeah i'm actually going up too bros let's do it he walks in with you guys what floor oh me i mean i can go uh wherever is like wherever i want bro like i can go up i only go up i'm going up let's go um let's go 99 not not for you chad and you see as he says chad you see a little you see a little badge on him that says uh uh chad and you see the last name too his name is chad perfect and as this is coming back to you you realize this is the son of mr perfect the man who outsold your book by 10 copies jim what's wrong so uh like where do you guys i mean like what department are you guys in i'm managerial my dad kind of made it work for me so i don't really i don't i just kind of do whatever you know i want can i can i intimidate him to shut the f i say shut the [ __ ] up yeah real intimidation that's a 20 again uh yeah d20 that's an eight plus seven so let's say 15 15. uh yeah then he does as you are seven feet tall and just like looming over him uh and you see us like he was kind of like posturing before like you could tell he kind of thinks he's like the [ __ ] um and he's like very like now he like kind of is like uncomfortable in the elevator and then i say to him i need more help i'm running out yeah calm but alert relaxed but ready smooth but sharp humble but confident what um what are you trying to make him think right now i'm i'm just saying like when you're in like like when you're intimidating him okay i'm just trying to make him feel like like oh man i'm motivated he's not nearly at my levels of motivation oh you're like he's like so you're trying to convince him he's not motivated he's out of his league jim bro who is this yo i'm uh i'm sorry bro piece of [ __ ] that don't know his place yeah okay kind of rude he gets the butt for like the next available floor i'm gonna head out yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we got we're working on the servers after that guy jim we could use him he's well built what no no i'm not no i'm not i'm an [ __ ] dude i'm not doing things right oh dude dude i'm small i'm done bro i'm tiny i'm so tiny bro i fit between cracks dude [Laughter] no i don't i'm sorry i'm a worm i'm a worm bro yeah you are yeah well yeah yeah oh wiggle oh wiggle yeah jim look at the definition on his biceps look at the definition no no bro we can take him with us take him with us wait take me with you where only if you do this one thing where are you taking me give me your best motivational quote and i'll see if you're really worth it okay so just like my dad always says um it's not about the grind it's about a good work life balance and as he says this to you what do you do [Laughter] you're just giving me something real nice here i would like to take my lion paw and palm strike him in the solar plexus into the wall of the elevator as hard as i possibly can chad perfect what'd you say roll the hit chad perfect [ __ ] what it's a one it's a natural one yeah what the hell is going on charlie what are these dice you gave us um uh he's a weighted dice i think you need a new one because i'm i'm [ __ ] worried about you now at this point pick whichever ones you want yeah does he miss um he doesn't just miss uh chad like fully takes his hand and like you've seen mr perfect out there doing like [ __ ] backyard aikido you see as as as chad deflects your strike well it's a three does not matter absolutely does not he deflects your strike and he says bruh it's about the work-life balance but you're about to lose your life brah and he takes up fighting he takes up a fighting stance um go ahead guys and roll initiative as the elevator is going to to [ __ ] fight chad perfect i see elevators going up 20. 20 10 10 nice um well seven technically seven wow chad did bad um you're up first circumference because he's taking this stance as the doors are opening man you guys are in this elevator going up to like the 98th floor with chad perfect son of uh of mr perfect mister mister perfect that [ __ ] [ __ ] i'm gonna kill you no no this pisses me off too ted why not because you know why why because this kid was [ __ ] hanging out everything my name's jim lyon he was handed everything on a platter platter silver platinum oh bro it's about the balance no it's about more than that i work to be bro i work to be born bro i'm sorry i had to i had to work my way out of the womb bro i take out my thickening agent what is that i take a scoop what's that directly into my mouth which i won't do in real life he gulps and i start to grow i'm enraged as you grow his recognition does too because he works in those server rooms oh no i take my barbell out of my pocket the 45 pounder that is quite easy to wield now holy [ __ ] i lift it's a little bit congested in the elevator it's still on here bro [Music] time to get squished roll the hip what do you look like by the way when you thicken thick you just look thicker yeah okay yeah there's like i'm wearing i'm wearing under armour it's it's under armour the brand under armour it's real heat gear it expands with gear polyester holy [ __ ] yes yeah you expand and now you also notice that like there's a lot less room for him to maneuver in the elevator go ahead and make your attack with advantage uh well i rolled a 13 for hit so plot plus total does he roll twice though well yeah roll twice take the higher one oh [ __ ] nice uh that is a 27 27 you [ __ ] hit chad roll roll damage oh there it goes it doesn't count four 15. so chad perfect is just a guy how do you kill him he's just a guy he's literally just a guy do you want to do something together or something we could you can we could collab we could do a little collab actually do you want to do something like we both look at each other and then we touch hands like this and we go and we go and then we go what is it what do we use it's just a palm strike a friendship you you you hit chad perfect uh right in his perfect chest um and as you do he fully like [ __ ] like doctor strange like and then you just like punch a [ __ ] like hole through him wow uh fully as he collapses and the doors and then and then we're both just like oh my god oh my god that's hor that's horrible that's horrifying you see we're [ __ ] up yeah you're just a terrible terrible dude this is the last thing you ever saw due to uh the sort of general like magic that you have as well frozen on his face forever is like like always i know i'm special the doors open on the 98th floor and actually before they do you see as the elevator you start to hear like a voice coming out of the elevator um and that voice uh basically says this let me get it yes you have selected the 98th floor now this is probably a mistake but if it's intentional just say continue grind never stops continue continue you said continue is that correct yes yeah okay as an employee of omni roon you've already signed the waivers so we don't need to tell you what happens on the 98th floor but what i will say is good luck and as these doors open [ __ ] what kind of room is this you see that it is pitch black this room is pitch black and the lights in this elevator this fluorescent turn [ __ ] like blood red and you and you here no way no [ __ ] way you hear a little scary are you telling me that there's [ __ ] grimlys in this room are you telling me there's god you put goddamn grimlys in this room charles little grimlys are these little grimlys grimly as you think that ted out of the darkness comes a small green figure sprinting at full you're not coming to the gremlins gremlins no gremly this thing jumps onto you it starts like ravenously it is it is [ __ ] like tiny is this tiny green creature grimly it grabs on you mentioned this yeah jim lane [ __ ] hates gremlins it gets in your hair it gets into your hair it is like absolutely tearing it up in there and and as it [ __ ] like bites you and claws into you you take um just one one piercing damage but as you take one piercing damage you notice that instead of just hearing you hear two in your hair and as you bite you feel is another grimply no appears oh no they're multiplier classic grimly roll roll initiative grimly fight you know what i want to do five five no actually two twelve i cannot roll well grimly grimly what little grimlys there ain't another one there's water i am all in groups circumference oh jesus out of the shadows oh was this a gremly time one of these little things runs up to your foot scurries up your pant leg no it screws up your [ __ ] pant leg and you start to feel it in there you start to feel like you see that what the hell how many gremlins can we be three can crumbles trick grimlys come to me and you see as he bites you you take three piercing damage and in your pants you feel three grimblies appear manifest as he draws blood i need you to also make a strength saving throw as these grimlys are attacking you uh [Music] are you still um thick yeah i'm still raging i'm i roll the 15. a 15. nice you start to feel these grimlys like try to kind of like drag you down and like hold you to the ground but there's not enough of them yet and you're thick enough that you're okay but you would assume that the more grimlys there were probably they're going to try and like there it's going to be harder and harder to maneuver um jim we need to stop the grimlys up next is the two grimlys now on jim the first grimly is only a 13 to hit you i assume that doesn't hit jim he's got 18. the second grimly is a does a 20 hit you yeah that grimly oops that grimly grimly time bites you for three piercing damage damn it and you feel three more grimly's pop no man in your hair you have you are a nest um make a strength saving throw a strength saving throw as these grimlys are pulling on your hair like ratatouille wow okay another five what is going on you have you have to add your strength saving what i don't understand below it's down here on the main page it's just like family time very frustrating i can't get anything higher than like a five um oh less three it's a three minus two for strength what no no that's decks plus two that's a seven seven seven's not gonna do it as these grimlys grab onto you and pull you down and towards into the [ __ ] grimly ground as these elevator lights are flickering um and you just hear the [ __ ] voices in this shadowy realm of more and more grim please um you you can't even we can't do it yourself be pulled down no no you you guys go next um your movement speed is reduced by five feet okay so we don't want to go into the [ __ ] five right now what do you okay so now up next there's gotta be something would you guys roll into the room we gotta light it up there's gotta be something good in this grembly room you got to light it up man we need to see wait what are we what are we doing uh who what did you guys roll on initiative totally had i had you roll yet for initiative yeah we already did yeah okay so you got a two out of what well right now i got a 21 but and i had a two go to two okay in that case i added two because i rolled a five and then i roll the five again i'm gonna roll the three and then here's here's what we'll do here's what we'll do because they got a surprise round on you um circumference you are up first here what do i do they're on me we're we're and soon we'll be in you oh yeah come on guys look for holes look for holes look for holes grimly time grimly crumbly outside but soon crippling inside god oh [ __ ] and every time they bite you they multiply your skin is thick but not thick enough burrow burrow i genuinely do not know what to do you're insane that guy's just a brute um you can do you can do anything this is just the situation you're in this elevator you're on the 98th floor you've got the elevator you've got the dark room in front of you you got the gremlins on you i take my pants off [Laughter] they're in my pants i take my pants off i take my pants off yeah you take your pants off and you reveal these like like absolutely horrifying like little now that you can see them up closer they are terrifying like an amalgamation of like teeth and eyes on like veiny green flesh that just chant and laugh and engage i'm confused on how we fight these things it's gonna take us forever if they keep multiplying like that if we can only target one creature at a time or can we target the general police there are more options than fighting them for sure i will say that so you're in this elevator you've got wait a second it's also this room wait a second try you can try and i'd like to see if there's a grimly leader okay it's his turn right now but on your turn you can do that fine but i'm pissed all the grimlys want is to be thick do i technically have the thickening agent with me yes yes you do that's how you get thick right it is how i get thicker take it thick maybe it'll work on the grim blade grimlys never existed before we trimleys want to be big twist off the top i don't even use the scooper feed us feed us you're feeding the grimly's the thickening engine feeding the grimly is the thickening agent the powder is all across the floor of the elevator now it seems no this is insane um but this is actually counterintuitive okay um give me maybe that's what they want give me and leave us alone after give me an animal handling check with advantage 17. time to eat you see us as honestly yeah these grimlys um that are on you guys scurry over to this thickening agent and they start to just like really fast like really fast like kind of like piranha in a cartoon fast like scrambling [Laughter] um just absolutely devouring this stuff a thickening agent and as these grimlys sort of like as they come together as they all eat it together they're like these weird masses of flesh that like split and come together and uh and as they start to eat it they start to like come together more and more as they're eating it you assume you've bought yourself time but you don't know what the [ __ ] you've just made incredibly strong uh do you want to do anything else do i want to go into that [ __ ] room i don't have any i don't have a light yeah there's the red light in the elevator uh do you have anything in your bag maybe that can make light or oh i've got a torch hmm and a tinder box you want to pull it out i'd love to do that i light it i like the torch you you light the torch and you wave it around uh in this dark room and now you can see it a little better you can tell that this is not like any of the other rooms in this building um this is like you you would probably realize at this point given what's happened that like this is kind of some sort of weird trap to keep people out of getting up um there but what you actually see is like a nest like there's like these sort of like little makeshift like steak sticking out of the ground there's sort of like a rancid smell in the air there's like a general coating of almost like just dried you you're pretty sure it's dried maybe it's ketchup maybe this used to be a cafeteria but it's uh you see a lot of sort of just like dried blood on the ground on the walls in this grimbly nest and as you wave this torch around you see little eyes at the at the edge of the light scurry back away crumbly crimpling and behind you you see as the grimly you've given the thickening agents to is starting to change color a little bit starting to get a little more beige oh no oh no are you gonna use your movement or is that all don't tell me uh did you just create chokers did you see actually also go ahead go ahead and make me a perspective just create chalker slat thickening agent you thickened grimlys and now you made chalkers from the grimlys you made little grimlys and then you made chokers a seven on perception is not great but it's good enough to see a pin prick of light at the end of this dark hive good luck with that goodbye what well i'm going to move towards that yeah you got 40 feet of movement right yes great this thing is a hundred no it's 35 30 uh were you grimly down oh well not anymore with no pants you did do that to get them off you okay you have 40 again this thing is 150 feet away from you lord so now it's only 110 for you you're still in the elevator it is your turn all right lion all right let's see what i could do here um i'd like to start off by doing a little bit of her um if i were to teleport for say with the step oh very cool yeah does the grimly stay with me or do they just kind of like no you would get out of it all right i'd like to try to misty step do my misty step [ __ ] yeah where are you where are you misty stepping toe misty stepping in the same direction he's going oh sweet yeah as soon as you misty step and you what does it look like for you when you do this i go and then it like and then like it's that's it's that one meme where it's like uh the future you know what i'm talking about like no like i have no idea what he's saying no like it's like i'm like a little baboo oh i actually know what he's talking about you do yeah it's the one where he goes well he disappears well where he's like on the street it's the guy on the street oh that's the big guy yeah big guy so i'm just like so i'm just like and then i'm gone okay and then i'm like and now i'm you're running at this point surely nice sorry you teleport 30 feet further into the road i can't even i could never roll that what you teleport 30 feet further into the room are you also going to run too oh sweet all right you get you get 60 feet then i think what's your movement speed oh wow 30. that's 30. nice you get 60 feet um i'm ahead of you yeah he's ahead of you you're only 90 feet away um here you guys are both getting closer you see the gremlins that used to be on you uh just splattered to the floor um if crumbly can't have blood crumbly get thicker the grimly's run over and join with this now amassing i'm not sure i knew what i was doing you've just turned this into a chase scene why chase when you can choke um it is it is now it would be the grimly's turn but in the grimly's case you've given them a thickening agent you've bought yourself a turn but the trade-off here i'm gonna roll to see i'm gonna roll to see uh how well they're doing on the thickening agent because once they're done with it the grimlys are going to chalk the crumblies are going to dude i can't not believe that you made a you made some chunks sorry man listen i'm sorry nobody wants anything worse the one thing worse than the grimly is a choker there is there is um quite a bit of thickening agent left uh you see as the process is still happening but you see as the grimly's their features they start to like smooth out and you see these like be steel kind of just fleshy limbs like splat against the against the ground as this thing whatever it is is just consuming and getting bigger and slippy slipperier and beiger mm-hmm why beige it's so that's how we describe it beige this is like a beige shulking out dude it's choking out and it's getting pretty wide too it's getting wide um up next is uh you circumference keep going keep going keep going do you wanna do you wanna dash i love that i love to dash what's your movement my movement 40 walking speed so double that is 80. you were 110 feet away before so now you are only 30 feet away and as you're making it closer and closer to this thing you can see at the end of this light there is another staircase it looks like the grimly hive has a sort of sudden cut off and it almost is like this marble staircase upwards um and you see like almost it looks like sunlight coming in from where it you say though it is you're running winding me a bit oh [ __ ] interesting interesting you you did oh you did chulk out in the elevator give me a constitution saving throw 20. you start to feel yourself getting thin but you do not you take that thickening agent you [ __ ] slam all that [ __ ] you can muster in there and you you're not like running faster your your stride is just getting thicker oh yeah oh yeah you have a thick stride right now as you are making distance jim lyon it's up to you you see the chulk forming behind you i would like to perhaps how far away is this the chulk is 90 feet away from you right now um pretty far pretty far okay and how far i am away am i from the door you are currently no sorry the truck is 60 feet away from you the door is 90 feet oh okay i would like to um would you consider the choke to be a humanoid i would i would consider the choke to be a humanoid you you turn and look behind you as the chulk is forming more and more and you see these this this uh a choke chokey legs you see a chokey abdomen you see even a chulky head start to form i would like to use my spell hold person whoa holy [ __ ] on the troll what does that do it says choose a humanoid that you can see within range and its range area is 60 feet the target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or be paralyzed for the duration at the end of each of its turns the target can make another wisdom-saving throw on a success the spell ends on the target the choke looks at you and howls he's gonna make a wisdom saving throw what's the dc um i don't know where do i find that uh spellsafe spell save for the choke got a 13. it's 15 it looks like it's 15. okay what does it look like as you hold this chalk in place i say the grind doesn't stop for me but it steps for you and it like you you see as what does the actual spell look like on it it's up to you what it looks like uh like what's holding him back um just like just like some chains come out of the ground and they attach to like his arms and stuff and like hold him back as he's like the amalgamation is is like starting to form out of the ground but it like holds it down and i'm like so looking like a jojo [ __ ] character like yeah [Laughter] yeah choke grind you into dust um can i do any you can still move can i move it from this cool if you move 30 we'll be at the same distance yeah i'd like to move then keep moving sweet um you move 30 feet uh so you are now 90 feet away from the choke and 60 feet away from the door so he's you are actually still in the lead uh circumference by by a little bit uh by about 30 feet um okay so that's going to end uh your turn up next is the chulk what does he have to do for hold person um he needs to at the end of each turn target can make another wisdom-saving throw on success the spell ends okay the chulk is going to try and break out of these chains you have to yeah get brig beat 15. the choke got a natural one bro damn tries to slip out of these chains and he can't this is a pretty this is a pretty baller spell that you've used yeah it's pretty sick he is stuck there in place you see as even the chulk's face starts to contort into a car absolutely horrifying that's gonna be it for the chulk's turn he's totally stuck there um you hear a couple loose loose grimlys but for the most part it seems like you guys are pretty home free can i do a uh wait how far am i now you're 30 feet away from the door 90 feet away from the choke wait no 110 feet away from the truck sorry i would like to i would like to misty step to the door and then go up the stairs after you can miss your step but you already moved but if you missed this new term for me oh you're right because the chulk was held in place holy [ __ ] okay yeah you're right you got you [ __ ] my choke dude you [ __ ] my choke bro i'm getting out of there should we just soften him up a little while he's trapped oh soft sure could try softening him up um to soften him you know well actually you know what you know what i'd rather do what how much damage did you take three three yeah you only took three you guys are actually kind of doing pretty well here i've i've taken a lot more damage i've taken like over the course of i've taken nine damage oh actually yeah no i think i'll still miss you stepping up i still want a misty step and go up those stairs wait you missed these stuff i want to see what's at the i want to see what's at the top i want to see what's at the top of those stairs uh you misty step over to the staircase um you guys are both neck and neck you are home free here unless there's something you'd like to do here you're like you're good you're at you're almost at the door hey hey don't forget your goals the grind never stops that choke just a [ __ ] [ __ ] in the way of bigger men yes yes yes i oh like the looks no it's bad the looks aren't it's really bad i don't like it when i do that what oh my god wait wait look at me look at me look at me oh what the hell no maybe i'll stay um yeah you guys are like pretty much home free it's gonna make one last wisdom save uh does a 16 pass it does okay um choke slide um slide slide you see as the choke puts its body to the ground and begins like sliding towards you guys passes it not fast enough to catch you oh not fast enough to catch you we got to get out of here um you guys are just to soften soften them up what does that even soften them up a little bit what does that even mean you want to soften them up well i mean you could give it a shot give it a shot dude it's a [ __ ] choke that thing looks like he's going to kill us [Music] oh jesus still got my barbell but i'm too far away to hit him with that um can i maybe do something well you're i already did something wait what you're gone man you're gone right now right now it's um it would technically be um circumference of stern if you want to soften them up you can but you are home free dude this is the staircase what are you trying what is this what are we trying to do he's my son you are my son and everyone i can't do a ranged attack both of my you could throw something out of my discs you have you could you have improvised weapons is there anything on the floor there's a little gremlin nearby little grimly well i never said this over the coast of the whole thing i'm a paladin that's cool i never said that yeah he's a paladin he's a uh schaller is a barbarian yeah sorry guys if you were wondering all right pick up the grimly at the choke papa son uh okay make a make a um make a ranged attack against him just to see what happens improvised ranged attack with a grimly against the choke that you have created uh 26 26 hits the choke roll damage this is that so i was just thinking about unarmed strike uh what kind of strike is this this would be a d4 plus your usual strength you know it's a grimly make it a d6 if you like it is you grimly what is the d6 it's the right it's like a regular person dice oh the regular oh that person dies one one well it's worse than my d four you take the d4 one then two oh very good seven seven damage um this grimly uh just slams into the choke um and you see as the grimly gets sucked in i knew that would happen yeah all right and the joke gets a little it gets bigger it's big the chill gets bigger okay bye i'm going up the stairs now all right no but don't go take so calm sad yeah um you guys are good um you guys go up these stairs joins me up the stairs for me true yeah you're just looking at the truck hanging out like a [ __ ] crazed man holy [ __ ] it's a grimlyness dude what do you do i know it's oh oh you ask why there's a grimly nest on the 98th floor you say you say this stuff out loud what you're are you saying all this stuff out loud well yeah i'm in character [Music] but it sounded like that [Music] uc is when you say this a figure at the edge of your vision starts to turn around you walk up these stairs and you find yourself you realize that the 99th floor there's a little um there's a little sort of building thing behind you now that you guys have come out the 99th floor is actually the top of the building um football you walk out onto the top of this roof yeah it's the roof you walk out onto this uh sort of the top of this skyscraper and you can see the whole mithril valley laid out before you the whole glimmering skyline and over all of it stands one man at the edge of the building and he turns around oh jim i see you have found my grimlys how is your book selling still 10 less copies jim mr perfect we meet again you [ __ ] [ __ ] man are you still on that grind oh you know i always am on that grind man maybe you should try it yourself you marry a grind i have a wife and beautiful children i'm so proud my little chad he's all grown up i've made him a manager jim can you say the same i can tell you one thing that he got fired recently i would have to [ __ ] jim you killed myself that was that a perception check um that was an insight check to see um yeah your son [ __ ] suck mr perfect jim i'm just switching between accents yeah it's fine you can't pick a single thing jim you're a cringe only people who call people cringe or cringe mr perfect or should i say mr dumbass what mr dum wait what did you say i call them dumb ass dumbass mister that is not my name my name is mr perfect what did a strangely literal way to take that you think me stupid you call me a dumb ass hmm and you you take my chad i will make another so does mr perfect just not what [Laughter] is he not what what's he just not just process social accusers what's going on here he's perfect my son chad was only half perfect fifty percent the next one will be fully perfect i will find a way to commit my ptosis and make a more perfect know how this guy could be worse than than jim lyon but it really is no jim lyon i have a good work life balance that's what it's all about now why are you here i know that you keep a large sum of cash in your belly like a drug mule i think all that's on my belly is my perfect abs he takes off this like sort of he's wearing it he's a very like jeffrey bezos type character he's like a he is a bald like bronzed uh hell yeah strong um he takes off this shirt that was like buckling under the pressure cowboy yet yeah sorry i'm sorry charlie yeah we're referencing when he said so what do you like are you excited about space and he goes oh hell yeah oh he shows off his yogurt male muscles um and uh he throws his coat off of the building witness the perfect me jim oh man is it like floating in the wind like yeah of course it floats away um and it [ __ ] yeah it turns into glitter goes in the wind as most things do as most things do for some reason here wait it's you conference you know what they say about the balance sometimes the gains are just as important as the losses oh my god this guy is [ __ ] perfect don't listen to him he doesn't know i guess i'm trump now he doesn't know anything [Music] what do you want jim my money my perfect face my perfect life you're crazy as they were taking me away from the server room yes the dark figure remember it now oh oh how wide you were oh who was it who cursed me it was me sir nose i made you finn ah yes have you finally abandoned that silly goal of being the widest no no what a ridiculous thing why be wide when you can be perfect it's like to the sun yeah he does he overtakes him and my reaction i'm like you come here seeking my riches which means you knew that the vault was here but you don't know how to get in do you just relax your face jim i can help you with that i know a guy i go to physical therapy every day therapy my muscles i'm cool [Laughter] mr perfect yes you know what i need the ultimate macro i see you i see you looking at that subscription every day for the omni gains ultimate map you know i can't afford it which is why i am here what must it be like to have your carbs and fats and proteins all mixed up you silly little twigs first the curse still relying on that thickening powder i eat sunlight [Laughter] um i would like to do i'm ready yeah i say i won't start a confrontation to start it but i also have no problem saying what needs to be said what are you here for jim and circumference are you trying to start a conflict my wife handles the hr at this company judy how did you know [Laughter] because mr perfect she's now losing her head over how awesome i am you killed my woman oh man oh yeah i did oh well then jim feel my perfect hands upon your stupid face um if you guys aren't initiating at this point mr perfect is going to start walking towards you to begin to begin a fight i'd like to i'd like his wife and his son yeah and his choke well we've left this child and his beautiful watch you created the choke we are all doomed um go ahead and roll initiative guys all right i rolled uh 15. let me roll oh nine to eight oh [ __ ] a 16. mr perfect got a 15 what did you say you got 15. 15. okay nice so you are gonna go before him so it's going to be jim lyon it's going to be sir come first finally man it's going to yeah finally i always seem to kind of pull through for these boss fights i will give you one last chance jim and circumference the narwhal bacons come circumference you strike me as a redditor it yes midnight that's right join me and we can be the thickest there ever was you see as mr perfect let me pull up his stat block here [ __ ] mr perfect bro oh i'm so excited for this one i'm so excited for this one um you need to make at the top of the round an initiative 20 a wisdom throw okay right now [Music] 12. a 12 fails you are charmed by mr perfect and not just that to you to mr perfect to everyone else in this moment you become your perfect self what does your perfect self look like become perfect feel my perfect power i'll need ten dollars you're worth more than that grow oh he is the one who cursed me i am i feel my muscle mass break yourself free circumference oh it feels so good joy oh i'll reach my personal best again yes we can spread our influence far and thick um jim you watch in horror as he is basically enchanted by mr perfect it is now you can say whatever you like yes yeah you can say whatever you like it's not your turn yet but you can say anything [Music] what the hell okay up first is going to be you circumference so um you are charmed which basically means uh right now to you sir perfect uh mr perfect is is perfect oh i know but what it actually means in in in conditions for this when you are charmed you cannot um [Music] uh you cannot attack him or target him with harmful abilities or magical effects and he has advantage on any ability check to interact socially with you you can still do all the other stuff you want plan do it however you want you still don't know where this vault is but you can't you can't bring yourself to attack a perfect gym how does he get out of that uh he'll get to reroll at him jim a man i knew once said grind until your haters want to work for you what what are you saying circumference mr perfect i hated you once but now with your ten dollars i need you to promise me the ultimate macro the ultimate macro that and everything you seek can be within your wreath don't listen to the him comes out yes a perfect weight it feels so good it does i bet i could bench four plates two on each side that's fine everyone has an individual goal i'm sorry jim but you know i wasn't here for money i was here for the ultimate macro we could use someone as thick as you or circumference and for the ultimate macro i'll do whatever it takes we will grind your bones jim die what are you gonna do what's happening he i think it looks like you're gonna attack me you're gonna join the enemy in one perfect motion i begin rotating yeah i would [ __ ] snipe raise the barbell up i rotate yeah i build up centrifugal force this is [ __ ] up in so many ways yes spinning around i reach jim lyon oh he attacked me you're attacking me roll the hit the ultimate macro for the ultimate macro i'll tell you one percentage for that [ __ ] wow 41 protein [Laughter] 25. [Music] i didn't know it was gonna go like this six you take six bludgeoning damage as this barbell slams into your face damn you look uh your former accomplice in the eyes and he is he has changed he is he is motivated but i don't think he you know the grind set and you know that right now he's not in the cross so he's still charmed he's still charmed yeah can i do a little bit it is it is also now going to be um uh your turn yes i would like to oh and at the end of your turn make another wisdom saving throw so re-roll it 13. 13 is just gonna fail bro you are still perfect you are still charmed in that case can i do a little bit of a cheeky hold the person on him oh you don't know you don't know what you're doing man i gotta hold you down nothing holds me back no um oh you're holding him yeah oh [ __ ] yeah another one i don't want to fight him yeah okay yeah 16 15 is though the chains go up but he's too wide the chains cannot wrap around how wide he is is they just they they they impotently clamp at him producing no results what else do you want to do with your turn what else can i do uh you can use your movement or an object interaction or say whatever you'd like can i is there a way that i can like speak to him in a way that would break the charm yeah you can try okay of course i say man you don't this guy doesn't know what he's talking about the grind set never stops you got to believe what's in your soul what's in your and what's in your soul is the magic of the grind the money's there jim i've been grinding for months get thinner and thinner thinner in my sights so i don't care who gives me i have a question would you be receptive to this at all in deep down deep down are you is circumference does he mean does he want mr perfect he's not about that grind no he's not no he's not he just looks perfect he does but he didn't earn it he didn't he didn't earn it and i came from the bottom do you deep down oh you can you can expand on that a little bit ted i think jim so in that case jim roll a persuasion check with advantage 19 is the first one very good so 19 plus seven a 20 26 he is going to make a contested persuasion check to see if he can persuade you to stay on his side jim speaks of the grass wait wait i need to say some motivational things a beta way to live join me circumference become a yogurt mail my perfect oikos triple zero these are some motivational things i'm billing out bringing out the millionaire facts don't like me have a seat with the rest of the [ __ ] waiting for me to give a [ __ ] throw me to the lions den i will come back riding in line which is weird for me to say given that i am a lion don't be so sweet they will use you in the food and eat um that is literally what it says jim we came up together it's very confusing jim you can't you can't win my heart by saying oh baby gucci poochy my heart is too expensive that is literally what it says okay mr perfect [ __ ] santa i'm taking care of my wish list by myself mr perfect tried to roll a persuasion check against you he rolled a sex so he says no no flawed jim no circumference you can still be mister perfect listen i don't care who gives me the ultimate macro as long as i have it and i'd rather be on the side of those who worked for it damn you circumference you know what they say what july is gonna be legendary what the [ __ ] does that mean jim what are they doing what is that face [Music] um can we [ __ ] attack mr perfect so that was your that was your um that was your turn right you made that persuasion check after the whole person the whole person last turn was at this time well i i tried to first do a hold him and then i do a persuasion then that's going to be the end of your turn yeah uh next up is going to be mr perfect okay mr perfect is going to say jim the truth is since this is the last time we'll be speaking before i wasn't perfect not the way i was flesh and blood jim and you see as this platform below you begins to rise towards a large cloud i've minted myself on the blockchain [Laughter] that's right jim i've become non-fungible just like those tomes [ __ ] you can't kill me jim i'm one of a kind and also everywhere as you rise into literally the cloud um you see that the vault was stored in the cloud as you come up into mr perfect's horde you see these mountains of gold and treasures around you and you see actually in the back um make a perception check because i know what you'd be looking for right away oh yes i know what you'd be looking for a 15. a 15. that's enough to see it a pedestal in the back made of solid gold of two hunky dunky [ __ ] men holding up this platform and on it you see a single piece of notepad paper written on it what you can only assume to be the ultimate macro come to me my fellow shareholders eagle on husk dark zuckerberg and you see as also uh with him with mr perfect the crypto lich as i've written it here um you see as this like weird husky sort of uh uh like creature appears next to him this kind of like feral ghoul looking shareholder in this business suit that's all ragged as well as this kind of shadow beast it didn't work the first few times but now i am perfect um and he is going to cast on he is going to cast fireball at you guys at a at a fourth level so you see as on his beautiful pecs uh you see as these beads of energy start to gather uh where his nipples are and form this uh this this large ball of gold and energy as it launches out towards you both you make dexterity saving threats [ __ ] i mean yes what is that 17 feel my golden light 17. i had a seven well well i roll the 17 but then dexterity is minus three so what you get 14. you [ __ ] fail oh [ __ ] okay you also failed yes i think you get it uh oh my god yeah um you guys are going to take both of you 9d6 fire damage right now wait nine d6 nine not 96 because you'd be dead but nine d six what does that mean roll it it means all of these things one two three wait what five six we're just gonna die seven give me give me two of your d6s there he's dude he's perfect you guys take we're just gonna die you're not gonna die you guys take seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen seventeen yeah i died you died from seventeen damage i have 18 health left because he hit me oh [ __ ] holy [ __ ] um you guys both take 25 fire damage yeah i'm dead no jim lion's not dead but you are down so this is a fun thing so as this ball job actually explodes he offered me the ultimate macro what was i supposed to do dude oh my god you would have stayed up if you didn't he's perfect he's perfect i would have stayed up if you didn't hit me your dick oh my god jim line is there anything you want to say as you go down i say 25 25 fire damage i say it's always the partners who betray you in the end oh my god that's brutal and jim goes down to the ground oh you feel really bad holy [ __ ] up next i hope you feel really really bad jesus christ um elon husk and dark zuckerberg are not going to act yet um holy [ __ ] that's not good um it would be jim lyon's turn make a death saving throw what is that death saving throw roll a d20 so that what did you get 17 that's a pass so on your death saves mark a pass if you get three successes if you get three successes on a death save you're stabilized you're okay if you get three fails jim lyon is dead so i'm at zero right now you're at one success and zero fails and you can also if you can heal him in some way you can bring him back up and he won't have to oh i see i see so i had one he's basically bleeding out right now you just no you just make one now on your turn so you just make that one that you made so you passed one so you're good okay up next jesus jim is still in that grind set he's hanging in there up next is circumference what do you do circumference he losing blood it looks like he is oh jesus the money is the money is slowly spilling out of his pockets on the ground i feel deep yeah right well i just wanted the ultimate macro that's all i wanted i'd like to use the thickening agent to heal or at least seal his wound you'd like to use the thickening agent here's what i'll say okay roll me a d20 all right plus what skill would this be do you think are you what skill this would be um medicine okay what do you have to medicine plus two or two roll me a d20 okay on one no no hang on see what it does that was a [ __ ] natural 20. holy [ __ ] [ __ ] i saw it and then you grabbed it what the [ __ ] okay you know what i was gonna say to you yeah i was gonna say one through ten is a fail uh uh 11 through 19 he'll get back up and on a 20 he'll chunk i choke you [ __ ] stop it holy [ __ ] [ __ ] i literally didn't i was gonna say it to you and i was like there's no chance because they've never rolled a 20. and you were like you were like oops it slipped and it literally landed on you holy [ __ ] what the hell saw that holy [ __ ] go ahead and regain oh my god how much health do i are you giving uh yeah i will give you go ahead and roll me um oh you got a natural [ __ ] 20 jesus christ um go ahead and roll me five d roll f row five to ten row um they are holy [ __ ] these ones right uh this one i was gonna say that as a bit that like wasn't gonna happen so nine okay nine plus six okay plus twenty-two twenty-two two [Music] plus so twenty-three twenty-three yeah 23 31. you regain 31 hit points as you take this thickening i don't even think i started with 31 oh my that's almost my maximum holy [ __ ] you put it in his mouth and you see as he starts to get up thicker than he's ever been before these pants are bulging this is this turtleneck the turtleneck is bulging the cross of jesus christ is raising up on his chest as his whole body is just becoming this massage that is so stupid because i was going to i was going to say to you like yeah man nat 20 what the [ __ ] is there anything you say is you chalk the [ __ ] out i say money's the way of life [ __ ] and also thanks um jim lyon for the first time in your life you chulk out right there i will let you take a turn now for that one you missed and also i will give you advantage uh on all your attack rolls and strength chest uh checks while you're choking here okay so you you essentially have what you're trying to figure out what's part of what a rage is for you okay if you want to choke by or sorry if you want to widen by the way oh i will yeah i'm going let me see what the strongest thing i can [ __ ] do to this guy so as a paladin you can do what's called a divine smite so here's the thing you guys oh wait you guys are level five aren't you yes yeah you have two attacks each time i have thunderous smite so what you could do is you could use thunderous smite and then you could also use divine smite do i have i don't look like i have devices i'll show you divine smite it's in your features and traits so if you go to your features and features and traits um you can basically use a spell slot to add d8 to your damage oh so if you expend a first level spell slot you'd add 2 d8 and if you expand the second level you had three t8 so i can do two moves yes so that means if you wanted to you could bonus action thunderous smite your weapon attack him twice smite on both and do an additional 68 damage oh so um what do you want to do i would like to do that okay okay cool yeah yeah i'd like to do that thing okay so what do i need to do here okay so you cast the bonus action smite what are you what are you gonna hit him with by the way oh with the with with the smite in this case yeah like what do you what's the weapon oh the weapon is my is my my golden encrusted oh [ __ ] yeah axe that says money all over it sweet in in comic stands because i'm not very good with okay gross um it starts to glow with wealthy energy um as you basically like you you [ __ ] pump your grind set into this axe and it starts to it starts to glow this this greenish gold so this is the power of the grind set um and you see as it glows with this go ahead and make uh two attacks against him wait against one mr parker against whoever you want actually i'd like to just try to kill mr perfect okay attack mr perfect okay so do that you have advantage on these attacks too so do i what do i i'm sorry so you're gonna roll a d20 to attack you're gonna take the higher one that's a one so let's try so highly yeah roll again that's a 12. plus you're to hit is what um sorry this is like so much harder with the yeah your weapon to hit five wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait yeah so a 17 will absolutely hit mr perfect so one of them hits um how much damage does it do is one d8 so it's 1d8 plus from your thunderous smite plus 2d6 do you also want to divine smite him yeah okay so it's robbed so it's 1d8 do you have that oh what is that this jesus it's that no no no it's uh we're playing dungeons and dragons big big dice it's this one it's the yeah it's like the little funny this yes so it's that that's a one okay so it does one damage plus two d6 two d square one square one which is totally missing uh i can wait mine's gone um so two of these two of those another one okay so two damage a three uh okay five damage are you also gonna do you want to divine some item two yeah okay so expend a up to you first or second level spell slot how hard do you want to smite them pretty [ __ ] hard okay expend a second level spell slot how does that work so if you're over at spells you just click the click the thing on spells and you expend it bells yeah click the thing where basic so you know you've used one oh okay cool um and that is going to add three more d8 to the damage so you're sitting at five right now which isn't great but you can add three more d8 which is this eight eight okay thirteen eight oh my god twenty one five twenty six okay he takes 26 damage on the first [ __ ] strike you strike right across his perfect goddamn body and you see as he's now met he's meshed himself with the blockchain you see as like there's um there's a little bit of blood but it's also almost like this weird like kind of like strange arcane digital thing as you slash across when this energy releases he looks pretty [ __ ] up from just that take your second attack i have a second attack yeah you have a second attack a little five man level five oh my perfect pitch jim do that again um my perfect tits i would like so he took 20 jesus christ okay i would like to do it's actually not that beefy um you already used your bonus action to do that one uh that empower your wife oh he needs to make a strength saving throw you did thunderous smite right yeah so on a thunderous smite he needs to make a strength saving throw he got a seven does that does that pass your spell dc or does that fail your spell it's a 15. he fails uh you hit him with this this blast of money energy and he's knocked 15 feet back and on his [ __ ] perfect ass he's on the ground it's 10 feet it's 10 okay he's not 10 feet back uh like absolutely like into a pile of the gold um of um of omni rune there's [ __ ] he's on his ass go ahead and take your second attack against him as you charge towards him okay whatever you want i would like to um do and can i do that same situation where i just do a bunch of [ __ ] what the [ __ ] was that you could do you can do the divine smite again but you can't do the thunderous smite because it's a bonus action so you already use that but you can make another attack and divine smite him when you hit okay um i would like to um i would like to [ __ ] [Music] you know what um i would sorry i'm i'm trying to can i do that natural 20 slot changed you guys were going to [ __ ] die can i do that can i just yeah divine smite him yeah yeah so roll so roll roll the head again is this sorry is this thunderous smite or divine spell divine smite so it's just going to add the d8s to your damn yeah sorry i'm just like this shit's all over the place um divine smite so so roll to hit again uh with advantage so two of these d20s roll one what'd you get that's an 11 and a 17. 17 is gonna [ __ ] do it just barely um so go ahead and roll your damage so 1d8 is your weapon plus that number on the side is as well that's a six nice plus what plus the weapon what plus all my shooters so six and my weapon like the actual physical weapon is five six plus five mm-hmm okay so he takes eleven do you also wanna divine spiderman again yeah if i am allowed level uh level two spell slot and roll another three d8 okay so he takes 11 plus plus oh no yeah yeah five okay 16. two 24 25 plus 15. so it takes it's 26 total right 26 total i believe okay all right all right all right let me just do some math here real quick um mr perfect is not looking very good right now he's not looking very perfect at the end of your turn uh elon husk is going to um sort of uh uh take in a deep uh breath um cars i don't know what he does rocket rockets big rocket um and he is going to try and go after he's going to go after you circumference oh great i've got to hit him you you beat my server i hope we beat them within minutes that would be that would be crazy if it was specifically within eight minutes um he is gonna try and bite you he misses he's gonna try and claw you does a [ __ ] 18 hit this is my armor class yeah yeah okay claus you wants he's going to oh he gets a natural 20 on you holy [ __ ] all right he's gonna claw you really really good bro are you ready yes rockets bitcoin what else does elon husk say shitty memes jenny memes this one oh my god he rolled two one so you take two damage uh you take six damage total slashing damn wow thanks elon um dark zuckerberg uh is going to go after you now because you're all choked out dark zuckerberg is going to attempt to drain your strength as he looks over at you and just unhinges his jaw and starts pulling the life force out of your body okay um which is not good he gets a seven to hit so he completely like misses um he sucks the soul out of some other guy like this just like down below you guys in the city someone just [ __ ] drops down and it's like now like withered uh with no blood um up next is uh oh my [ __ ] god up next is jin lyon because that was your choke turn [ __ ] yeah what do you do i i think you what's what is he out of look like mr perfect is looking so [ __ ] up right now he's reaching for a final cup of wacos please um can i go up to him can i go up to him and then i have like i have claws that i could fight with i would like to go like it's the lion inside and like attack him what an insane thing to say to anyone ever no go ahead and make two unarmed attacks against him well you still have advantage because you're still choked okay and do i do i d20 that d20 yep two d20s that's a [ __ ] five that's not gonna hit and then there's a natural 20. oh my god okay all right so you crit so you're gonna do double damage [ __ ] okay so what's your unarmed strike damage um well it says hit dc is five but then it's one d4 plus two so you're gonna do two d4 plus two so two d4 plus two that's this triangle so two d four plus two so two okay so eight he takes eight damage yeah the mixed berry please come to me he's looking so bad dude um yeah you know what you [ __ ] cut his arm off he just fully goes off uh do you want to take your second attack sure um i'd like to push my claws into his [ __ ] eyeballs oh my god okay um so because you're going for a specific body part uh roll with it would be with disadvantage but since you have advantage it's flat so make a flat roll to attack because you're targeting his eyes oh my god that is a natural 20. what the [ __ ] holy [ __ ] what the [ __ ] you turned that [ __ ] around what happened to you guy you changed bros roll again again roll on the crit damage this this could very well be it means roll two d four plus two again you just get two net twenties in a row two that's crazy you watched it what the [ __ ] okay okay go for it that's a one okay and so that's another one so four damage total yeah four damage total but it's a d20 no no he takes four um he is you put your [ __ ] claws through his eyes oh my perfect vision um holy [ __ ] [ __ ] he's looking so bad uh you ruined his 2020 vision oh my god end is 20 20. oh because that's when this story takes place i literally i invented lasik to have it performed on me and now it's all gone um next up circumference he looks so rough dude he looks so bad jim is that you circumference where are you jim i'm sorry i ever turned on you it's okay man sometimes the [ __ ] just get in your brain and they [ __ ] with you until you realize hey man i ain't gonna let the [ __ ] it's time i show this it's time i show you what happens when you don't work for what you have i push past dark zuckerberg i push past elon husk how far is he away oh you can get to him no problem i'm getting to him and i'm swinging down my barbell straight my god no you're not wide enough to do it you can't do you want to go into a you want to widen first i'm i widened myself as i was swinging it jesus christ all right roll the head dude roll the hit i'm pretty sure you get a bonus on this damage too what is it to hit that is a 16. that is a 22. a 22 is going to absolutely hit tell me how much damage mr perfect you can still 11 you can still what 16. you can still join um finish him oh god you guys can do this together if you'd like we must after my claws come out holy [ __ ] no is this what you did to my shoe uh and you see as you guys [ __ ] absolutely uh hit him right in the chat same way we killed his son same way you killed his son holy [ __ ] i feel like this is the same way you killed my uh boom just his perfect uh what used to be blood in there but now just data blasts across and you see us both elon husk and dark zuckerberg just like fold into themselves and turn into shadows um and mr perfect falls down to the ground and like just slowly like dissolves into the cloud and then you guys feel as this cloud you're in is starting to shake it's starting to shake and you guys both feel in the back of your head it's like some sort of weird um like fail-safe situation you feel like you have a choice here there's the option that if this cloud keeps shaking you know that this thing like it's falling apart the pieces of it are kind of coming down it's like a solid thing that's like been magically suspended here without mr perfect's perfect power this thing is is is slowly falling apart and the riches along with it you can either let this thing fall down into the city or you can take your place here but only one person can be mr perfect so it's up to you guys you feel both of you feel this in the back of your head the um the ultimate macro as well you see as the floor below that is starting to shake as well so i'm going to give you guys here one minute to figure out what you want to do oh lord you have one minute to choose you feel this question in the back of your head will you let it all fall down or will you be the new head of omni rune what will you do well first of all you've been fudged [ __ ] here's what i'll say to you all right i've always been grinding for the top but i know you're trying to get the ultimate macro we were good business partners riddle me this i grind my way i take my place at the top with my cash i make my non-fungible tokens available to everyone and then i give you your macro can i become the ceo of the subsidiary company omni games you feel an answer in the back of your head yes it is done shake on oh you see there's this blast of golden light the cloud stops shaking jim you feel as mr perfect like those golden particles you turn into suck into your body and you become this golden sheen [Laughter] what the [ __ ] oh my god yeah that song starts playing when the bring gets named you can call that mental freeze people talk too much i feel like esther's not in the ocean oh um sorry no it's okay um circumference the ultimate macro floats off its pedestal over to you and you feel as it touches it you start to get wider and wider and you feel like you could match no set a new personal process as your curse is lifted and you see the ultimate macro 41 protein 10 who [ __ ] cares it literally doesn't matter it doesn't matter at all it's a nutritional guide um like whatever um and you guys here holding hands at the head of omni roon that is where we're going to end this chuckle dungeon oh thank you guys so much for playing i hope that was yeah i hope that was as good as the last one i know it was a little wet it was awesome oh man oh [ __ ] thank you guys so much for agreeing to do this with me it's so much fun for me i'm i that was [ __ ] awesome i had a great time doing that one like the [ __ ] saves at the end there was crazy dude the natural the [ __ ] three natural 20s at the end there that was no separate natural points seeing you too because you wrote like if i didn't catch that you guys would have [ __ ] died yeah but the fact that you rolled it right as i was gonna say uh nat twenty you could shop but uh we actually at this point are way behind getting out of this freaking studio that we're in and this is the last episode chuckle week that we have chuckleweed 2.0 um so we want to thank you up until this point for watching all these episodes of of chuckleweek 2.0 we hope you enjoyed it this we're you're probably watching this a month and a half later since we filmed this but queen is dead yeah but goddamn thank you so much let us know in the comments yeah thank you guys so much for enjoying the chuckle week huge shout out to charlie for this time with even less time and less like information it was good putting together this campaign i had a lot of fun putting it together though man oh my god yeah shout out to mr borif yes mr boroff it uh we got mr ian uh doing the organization here um i've oh my god i'm i'm literally just latin yes latin that's what i thought lenny's doing the uh the camera work and uh wouldn't be possible without you guys yeah thank you all thank you guys thank you guys for watching this um i really really and we'll chuck you later [Applause] sorry i completely interrupted you yeah yeah okay now that was cooler than what yeah that's good bye guys bye chocolater oh

Channel: Chuckle Sandwich

Views: 1,043,467

Keywords: Chuckle Sandwich, Chuckle, Sandwich, Podcast, Chuckle Sandwich Podcast, Ted Nivison, jschlatt, Schlatt, Charlie Slimesicle, Slimecicle, Charlie

Id: z3KNCeuxtYw

Length: 154min 50sec (9290 seconds)

Published: Thu May 12 2022