The Biggest Thing Men Lack | Bradley Moore | TEDxMilton HS

did you know that self-care for men starts with accountability Dad this is the one I could hear my heart pound as I stood over the most beautiful thing that I'd ever seen that's right he and I we were looking at my brand new Ford Mustang oh she was beautiful black on the inside and painted black on the outside to match oh in her seats they smelled like heaven this brand new two-door sports car it was enough to make any young man feel totally complete I can still remember sliding into the driver's side I'd click the seat belt with one hand and press that push to start with the other all at once that engine would vibrate and Roar sending Shivers right up my spine I can still remember the first day I pulled off the lot putting in drive it made me feel like a genuine King you see at 22 years old what else would I want I mean do you remember your first time behind the wheel well when I got Black Beauty nothing else could compare now my dad he did warn me of the accountability that came along with it but I heard that a little more quiet than I heard myself speeding down the street like I own the city surely I'm thinking this is self-care doing whatever I want whenever I felt like it eventually though as the months rolled on and more car payments came due I started to realize self-care wasn't just doing whatever you felt like has anyone in here ever opened up a bill and thought to themselves oh what did I do that was me starting to feel drained from working 60 hours a week now getting behind the wheel of Black Beauty felt less like self-care and more like a cage feeling trapped that was my new normal you see I realized to work less I'd need to make more money but to get a job that paid more I'd have to go back to school which I didn't have time for because I was working I mean half of what I made went right back into the car and eventually I found myself living right back with my mother that was embarrassing I felt like a failure I can still remember pulling up to a red light one Saturday morning not long after that happened it was a great day honestly the Sun was shining the wind pouring through my windows just like when I pulled off the lot I turned to my left and I saw two absolutely gorgeous women and I'm thinking yes this is it they're going to see my car and they're going to hurl their phone numbers right through my window as quickly as possible but when I turned back to smile at those ladies that Joy that excitement vanished they were laughing at me in that single moment everything that I had been ignoring and being unaccountable for it was sitting right next to me in the passenger side of old black beauty at that moment I didn't feel like a man I felt like a loser you see what I thought about self-care was wrong I thought that just doing whatever I wanted whenever I felt like it would make me happy but at that point I was working two jobs and by the end of that week I was so low and miserable I got angry I didn't want to live like this anymore the next moment I called my supervisor and asked for a promotion and eventually I got it I was about to go from 60 hours a week to 30 and make the same amount of money and on top of that I was about to get a huge lesson in accountability not long after hours promoted we were given a two-week training our class it was going to be led by Big Bill and big bill was not big on excuses I can still remember our first one-to-one conversation big Billet stopped me to ask why some of my numbers were so low and I pulled out my list of excuses ready to run down them something like this well you know Bill uh my shoe was kind of loose I left my pin in the office too you know how that goes and my people showed up late and they keep having to get water imagine that it's so hot right I I stop Big Bill cut right in he said Son you've got two ears and one mouth for a reason you should shut up and listen more that turned out to be wisdom that night we started our training by going through the core values of our company's founder these core values had kept our company alive for a hundred years before I got there and big Bill was going to task us with reading and Reporting on one the next day can anyone guess what my word was that's right it was accountability so what does that mean well Webster's Dictionary defines it as the willingness or obligation to take responsibility for one's actions which translates to do the things you say you're going to do from that point on I started to create self-care systems based on accountability and using those routines I was able to get promoted again within just a year and a half see now I wasn't just responsible for a small area and a few people I was responsible for an entire building across two whole shifts I started to read every day I ate better my relationships improved basically I became obsessed with becoming the most accountable version of myself I come across the study that ranges from 1970 all the way to 2016 and looked at 200 articles based on accountability and they found that it consistently promotes decisions and performance of a higher quality and a number of desirable social outcomes they even found that accountability helps us avoid negative stereotyping not long after that my job was offered a buyout and I took it I was determined to create my own path to success see I created a self-care system for men that I was now starting to use to help myself and others you see I didn't know it at the time but big Bill he was teaching me the foundation of self-care for men he was teaching me to do the things that I said I would do by doing that day after day I was able to find my dream job helping people share their messages on tedx stages just like this all over the world and I do it as an accountability coach who would have thought you see we can all use these simple ideas of accountability to start to create momentum and then eventually success in our lives if we're able to master accountability then we can do whatever we want the road to that life it's paved by your ability to remain consistently accountable to doing the things that you say you will see accountability it's not just a way to reach our goals it's the foundation of self-care so Brad what's the first thing we need to do to create accountability and self-care simple we're going to pick one thing and we're going to be accountable to doing it for the next seven days you're going to write it in your Journal plop it on your calendar and commit to getting it done and once we're able to build up self-care through accountability we can aim our vision at those big goals that light us up with excitement and we can reach them see each of us has our own path to that fulfilling life it all starts by becoming accountable imagine a world where men are not just accountable to themselves they're accountable to all their responsibilities too help me create that world and like Socrates said let he who would move the world first move himself thank you [Music] [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 2,335

Keywords: Communication, Community, Empowerment, English, Individualism, Life, Men, TEDxTalks, [TEDxEID:53688]

Id: cKkryGSOhfA

Length: 9min 20sec (560 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 04 2023