Extraordinary life-lessons taught by my middle-class upbringing | Dr. Sandeep Atre | TEDxSAIT

[Music] foreign [Applause] where did I pick the lessons that I have applied in the last two decades of my life and my answer is that the lessons that I have applied in the last two decades of my life are actually the lessons that were supplied by the first two decades of my life yes lessons I learned while growing up in an Indian middle class neighborhood and these lessons have served me well in all domains in all aspects in all circumstances and in all stages of life they scope the relevance of these lessons they go much beyond the consequence of time and space and today I'm here to talk about four such life lessons but you must be wondering because I do not have a PowerPoint presentation instead I have a box here and in that box we have four props each prop represents that lesson symbolically so let's begin this is my first prop ah I think a few of you get it right it is a piggy bank in our part of the world we call it good luck you know and in comparison to the modern versions of piggy bank there is a difference in fact there are two a it is made up of clay and second though it has on the top an opening from where you can put the currency notes there is no flap to take it out so the only way you can take the contents of this good luck out is by breaking it a heartbreaking and devastating proposition for a child back then but by the virtue of this all children back then developed two virtues a patients patience to wait till there is enough there and B discretion discretion to decide whether the reason for which you want to break this is actually worth it or not so much before I heard about great psychologist Walter Mitchell's work at Stanford called marshmallow experiment on instant and delayed gratification I already had my first lesson and that lesson was patience is a muscle the more you use it the stronger it gets we'll sample this I often tell people that back then our house well the interior was not done by some decorator or designer it was done by the dates on the calendar yes my parents bought and brought everything of significance whether it is a television or a cooler or a refrigerator or a cassette player on a birthday anniversary or some Festival there was no random buying there was no random buying so just imagine I'm talking to my dad and I'm saying that I want a bicycle and he says great this Diwali you'll have a bicycle come on this is March Diwali will come in October or November seven months away and still I would be happy why because I would have discovered two Pleasures a the pleasure of accomplishment that will happen in October but then pleasure of anticipation that will actually go on for next seven months and that was much before as a psychologist I figured out that there is a neurotransmitter called dopamine which gets secreted not only when you accomplish something but also in the anticipation of a reward great lesson isn't it well that was first what do we have for a second ah so second I have this you know a plate with crocheted cloth on it and this crocheted cloth covered plate that we call thali you would find back then in hand off almost every kid and especially around a major Festival like Diwali so what was in it well you know on every special occasion in India for all religions you'll always have delicious Delicacies being made so for Diwali it would be gujjiya Anar say they would be same there would be laddoos they would be everything and then in the house portion of each of them would be put on this plate it would be covered by crocheted clothes and then the kids of the house mind it not daughters daughters and sons both they were supposed to take this to a house in the neighborhood and then they would come back fill it again and then go to another house then come back fill it again go to the third one but the best part was that when you would go there then in case of the first recipient the fascinating part was that this thali this plate would never come back empty you know because the recipient of this thali would actually then put portion of each of those Delicacies made in their house into it and in a way you were exchanging happiness symbiotically ladies and gentlemen from there I learned my second life lesson and that was that happiness is a collective concept fostered by collaboration we think these days it's an individual construct we think it's a personal Pursuit no it's a collective concept fostered by collaboration sample this you know what Whenever there would be a function a get together at anybody's house for instance at mine what would happen I'll tell you what would happen for instance if we are hosting lunch for 60 people there would be no maids to cook there would be no waiters coming from a hired catering agency to arrange and serve instead all the aunts and uncles would come aunts no they would be Didi they would be bhabi they would be bua there would be Chachi there would be Thai they would be masi there would be mommy all of them coming together and then all of them along with my mom would go into kitchen and they would cook food together and mind it they wouldn't feel they were deprived of the mainstream action they would be laughing they would be enjoying they would be cracking jokes gossiping they would be singing songs and once the food was prepared then all the uncles yes the serving the arranging would be done by all the uncles well it would be say bhaiya or it would be jija it would be Masa Mama it would be Chacha Tau fufa I'm not sure about fufa but then you never know would one day but jokes apart uncles would do it before I realized as a psychologist in a theory I already knew one thing that people come together and develop bonds not by being together but by doing something together by building something together it's not the shared experience that gets people together it's shared effort well that was the second lesson what do we have for the Third ah I actually heard ah you know this is a wool ball with two knitting needles and you would find back then in 80s and 90s you would find this in front of every kid in the handoff Grandma Mom aunt and at times in hand of a teacher in the classroom you know ladies and gentlemen they would be knitting something for days weeks months across the year they would be knitting socks they would be knitting sweater cardigan wool hat and they would be doing this in addition to their regular beauties and I learned something very important my third lesson progress yes progress is about not only giving your best to your everyday endeavors but always having a long-term project and devoting sometime regularly to it yes ladies and gentlemen sample this my book two pairs of everyday wisdom somebody asked me after it got published that you you wrote a 350 plus page book and I said no it is actually collection of my blog posts select blog posts that I've been writing for more than two decades and now suddenly it has all got added up and there is a book so when I was writing a blog post I was writing a page of that book I was literally writing that book one page at a time and it all adds a beautiful but then you know there was another important concept to be derived from this lesson and that was gestation period what do you mean by gestation period I'll give you an example whenever there would be a pickle being made will the method of making pickle in India and method of making pickle in waste they are different so I'm talking about the Indian method whenever my grandma would actually make pickle say a lemon pickle or a mango pickle then all the contents ingredients oil everything would be put in and the jar would be actually put way beyond the reach of all the kids in the house and then it is a forbidden fruit and we all know how appealing it can be so you know then what happens every kid wants to reach out but then you would get scolding from the grandma and what would grandma say grandma would say don't disturb it the pickle is getting made and then I would be mad I would say who is making pickle and then my grandma would say pickle is making itself amazing you have to allow time to Creation to create itself that is called gestation ladies and gentlemen that's all we have no we have last one and what do we have for the last lesson I don't know whether you can actually see it all but I'm sure our camera will capture it there is a fresh new soap and on the top of it there is this slice chip of the old soap enmeshed skillfully and meticulously handcrafted you ladies and gentlemen you would always find it specifically back then in every washroom why because care city of resources made us respect resources you know something it's important for all of us to understand that fourth lesson that I learned back then and that lesson was that ladies and gentlemen only the limited-ness of resources inspires creativity and management ladies and gentlemen if there is abundance of resources people wouldn't respect resources and that's why to Foster creativity and management it's important to have limitedness of resources and that was almost everywhere in our culture those days so you would find typically you would find chavan prash bottles being used as pen stands they would not be pen stands actually chaman Prague bottle would make for one then whenever kids would play Gully Cricket with all strange kind of rules for instance the ball would go directly to sharmaji's house you're out because sharmajis had all the balls to not get the ball back you know and that's why it is important for all of us to understand that at that time even the space was scarce so what would we do we would put a stool for a wicket for this terms what would we do you'd actually draw the stumps on the wall against which we were playing the front wheel of the cycle would then become the stumps and that would all happen and you would be happy about it but you know it is not all only for that it went into other aspects other phases of life as well for every kid who was growing in 80s and 90s one thing was inevitable invariably you would wear cloth oh you would wear clothes off your Elder siblings your Elder cousins and if you are lucky some relatives in your extended family as well and you would never feel that you are wearing second-hand clothes you are never wearing worn out worn clothes you are happy about it in fact you would start booking your shirt already in advance because there were more siblings wine for the same shirt of an elder one ladies and gentlemen we almost saw it as a legacy we were never unhappy about it and when extra guests would come at house then you were supposed to go to neighbor's house and ask for Crockery you would not really have extra Crockery because your neighbor has one and you could do it all with all the right why because he would do the same so much before I heard about Collective resources shared resources Cloud we already had our cloud and Cloud over each other as well ladies and gentlemen talked about four lessons first patience is a muscle the more you use it the stronger it gets two happiness is a collective concept fostered by collaboration third to progress in addition to your everyday Endeavors always have a long-term project and devote some time regularly to it and fourths only the limitedness of resources inspires creativity and management these extraordinary life lessons taught by my middle class upbringing are there for you to try and then you'll witness the difference thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 1,175

Keywords: Emotions, English, Life, TEDxTalks, [TEDxEID:54626]

Id: KeC-jfR-5zM

Length: 15min 25sec (925 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 04 2023