Loving Your Woman | Sermon by Tony Evans

I want to talk to you today about loving your wife Paul makes a statement we won't turn there just yet but Paul makes a statement husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church that he gave himself for it husbands love your wives the word love today is used in a lot of different ways and it is used very casually you may say I love my job why I love chocolate cake or I love my car and you kind of used it in movement and in flow because there is a general sense where we understand the concept but yet the way it's used today is really not the kind of understanding that God would have us have about the meaning of love and its relationship particularly to our wives now it's a very critical concept because it is uniquely given to man there is no Bible verse that commands a wife to love her husband none back to my knowledge there's only one reference and that is where it sells older women to help younger women learn how to love their husbands but no command but over and over again the man is commanded to love his wife now the way this commanded to do something and that is respect or reverence her husband now that is not a mistake that is recognizing some unique attributes that belong to men and women that are different a woman's greatest needful is for love a man's greatest need is for respect and God recognizes that and has communicated that in his word in the New Testament days when they use the term love they had distinguishing words words that differentiated the meaning of love so you knew what was being met they wouldn't just say I love you or I love hotdogs or I mean they had words that made a difference we do not use those distinguishing words today and so we use the word love to cover everything so let me go back to the New Testament day and use the or explain the three concepts of love that were existed then and those concepts are brought into the Bible the first kind of love is in a word that was called eros eros now eros was sexual fulfillment or to put it more bottom-line it was basically lust so that when a guy said I eros you he meant I want you sexually that's the kind of love that most of our music is made of today where love is used as a synonym for lust and love is intricately connected to wanting physical contact so when the Greeks wanted to express the fact that they that they lusted they would use the word love but the word love would be a distinct word called eros that meant I desire you sexually I want you to meet my physical need now when you think about it that is a common use of the word love today a guy in a parked car may tell a girl I love you therefore and he makes the direct relationship between the usage of love although he doesn't have a distinct different word for it and his sexual desire so that was one concept the Greeks also had a second word and that word was filete Oh filete Oh now the second greek word was the love of friends when a man said i filete oh you he was saying I am your friend now the uniqueness of this as opposed to arrows is that it was not tied to sexual fulfillment but it did have something that was also true of arrows and that is it was tied to some degree of selfishness as in arrows there was a desire to have one's physical needs met in filete oh there was a response to a person because of how they treated you and they were your friends in other words a phileo is someone who's like a brother to you he he covers your back and you cover his back he's your buddy you know you can count on him and you know that he's going to treat you right and you're going to treat him right so that if you have a phileo relationship and he doesn't treat you right you will say I thought you were my friend that's phileo it was that mutual friendship that had an understanding about it that I'm going to treat you right and you're going to treat me right as long as you treat me right i'ma treat you right if you stop treating me right then our friendship will be in jeopardy because I won't trust you anymore okay so that was phileo that was a legitimate term used among friends in fact Jesus used it with Peter when he said are you my friend and the Greek word is phileo are you my friend now there's another word this word is different than the other two because it expresses God's love it defines love from God's perspective and that word was agape agape now the reason I'm taking this time out is because before I can talk about loving your wife we've got to know what we're meaning by love because I've tried to establish the love can mean different things to different people agape is unique because unlike arrows and unlike filet Oh agape has nothing to do with what the other person does eros is tied to meeting my needs sexually phileo is tied to how you're treating me as a friend but this word agape is unlike the other two because it had to do with taking the initiative to act on someone else's behalf even at your own expense now follow that agape is different because it had to do with acting on someone else's behalf for the betterment of another without any necessary demand or expectation for anything in return now let me go back to my original scripture what I quoted Paul says husbands agape your wives that husbands eros you're wise look at them as sexual objects not husbands fillet o your wives necessarily defining them as friends husbands got pay your wives that's the Greek term we would use love and perhaps it would cover all three can't do that in New Testament it's a specific term when you look at your wife agape there that is love them in such a way that your early orientation is to meet their need listen to this regardless of what you receive in return now that's going to change the whole lot of homes right there but then because many of the problems that we have with our wise it's tied to the fact that they do not follow us or could be tied to the fact that they do not harass us all right okay I mean it could be either way but the idea the idea when the Bible says love has nothing to do with their sexual response and has nothing necessarily to do with their friendship response catch this Romans 5:8 for God demonstrated his agape his love toward us in that while we were yet what sinners Christ died God demonstrated love to us that while we were sinners now do you know how much God hates sin you know how much God hates the Bible says God is angry with the wicked every day so he looked out and he saw sin he saw evil thoughts are evil actions are evil attitudes he saw a rebellion against him he saw lifestyles he heard our cussing and fussing he saw all of that and said I hate what they are doing but I will demonstrate my love toward you even though I can't stand how you act how your tongue how you walk how you move I'm still gonna die that is biblical love and that's why you can love people that you don't necessarily like because like is for little love is agape that's why Jesus can say I got pay your enemies now nobody likes their enemies nobody likes somebody who hates their guts and is out to destroy them God says you don't have to like them he's just at the level because love has nothing to do with what you get in return most of the world will reject Jesus Christ but that did not stop him from loving even though God knew that in advance now let me look at a couple of verses very quickly in the book of John first of all John chapter 14 look at a couple of verses quickly and look at this concept John chapter 14 verse 21 he who has my Commandments and keeps them it is he who loves me and he who loves me will be loved by my father and I will love him and manifest myself to him and again in verse 24 he who does not love me does not keep my words and the words which you hear in here is not mine but the father who sent me here Jesus says there is a direct correlation to biblical love and what you do biblical love is not discussion love biblical love is not phraseology that's been turned that's a good rap that sounds good agape love is always demonstrable love for God demonstrated his love you can look at Calvary there's something to show biblical love always responds in action when people say I love God but do not keeping his Commandments the Bible says that's a lie because love is always measured in action if I were to ask you wise do you love her or you'd ask my wife do I love her the question is measured in terms of Agape by what I do in other words if you were to say I tell my wife I love her all the time that is a meaningless statement agape because a guy pay is not concerned about your vocabulary agape is concerned only and always about your action agape is physiological and not just emotional phileo can be emotional eros is most definitely emotional agape is demonstrable let's look at chapter 15 verse 12 this is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you greater love has no one than this than to lay down one's life for his friends now to lay down one's life for somebody has given up a lot I mean when we talking serious sacrifice to lay down one's life is to give all of you because that's all you have left if you give you life great Allah he's not about marriage he's not about the disciples he's talking about you and me in this room he says greater love is no matter as the man would lay down his life for his friends that's the ultimate expression of love so what I'm trying to say to you at this point is for you to understand that when we talk at church now I don't know what they gonna tell you in the street they're not gonna tell you this they're going to tell you angle hand on one you want to take that off no one don't take normally do you know how many fish in the sea you do not have to go through this now that's what they gonna tell you in the street because they have a warped definition of manhood okay for a lot of men the definition of manhood is the ability to score in the Bible or definition of manhood is the ability to not have to choose to score because you've chosen to be totally committed to one person for the rest of your life that takes work it's easy to find different women who are vulnerable the hard work is winning somebody who can't stand you all right that's the hard work it's not a lot of hard work to leave and find somebody who hasn't had to live with you yet all right when that part is easy so the issue that I'm addressing today is I got paid kind of love now let's get one step closer to pragmatics how do you love your wife first of all how do you look at your wife in order for you to begin the lover and then the last question is what do you do to begin to love her well let me talk first of all about how you begin to look at her in order that you begin to love her first Peter chapter 3 verse 7 which is a verse that we have looked at our numbers of occasions but one that gives us some deep insight into loving your wife first Peter chapter 3 verse 7 husband's likewise now whenever you read the word likewise in the Bible it means that he's building off of something that's already been stated and what he's building off of is the end of chapter 2 where it says in verse 21 for to this you were called because Christ also suffered so some of you are suffering with your wives all right good Christ also suffered for us leaving us an example that we should walk in his steps so before I go any further I want to hear you talking about that with Jesus if I was Jesus I can live with her too okay I don't want you I don't want you talking that because he says that you might walk in what his steps so he's not talking about something only applies to him but it's an example for you and me all right now he says who committed no sin so he wasn't guilty nor was deceit found in his mouth he wasn't lying he was telling the truth about us and he had done nothing wrong but he got the blame that was what the cross is all about he took our blame verse 23 they catch this man because this is the introduction of husband wife relationships who when he was reviled did not revile in return now he could have said I ain't gonna have no human beings talking to me like that I'm not going to have any human beings treating me like that don't they know I can cut them loose and find me somebody else don't they know I don't have to deal with this don't they understand who is we don't they understand that they don't know my name okay he could've did that but when he was messed over reviled he did not revile in return but know what goes around comes around kind of stuff when he suffered he did not threaten yeah it treat me like that again you'll be picking your face up off the floor didn't threaten but committed himself to him who judges rightly who at the proper time is always going to tell the truth who himself bore our sins that boy who sins he bought something that he wasn't responsible for in his own body on the tree that we having died to sin might live for righteousness by whose stripes you were healed like us that by the stripes he bore we were healed could it be that the only way your wife is going to come around is by the stripes you bear on her behalf of what watch it now we are also brothers some brothers racking back right now don't talk crazy preacher all right catch us now follow me Jesus bore the stripes but we get the healing and remember that you might walk in his steps okay now it's gone first 25 for you were like sheep going astray but have now returned to the Shepherd and overseer of your soul you were going the wrong direction until he brought stripes but when he was willing to bear stripes that's what turned you around some of you are only going to win back your wives when you love them enough to take some stripes you're not going to hear that in the street the street I'm going to tell you you don't have to take any stripes give some don't take none all right but now look now we come to verse 7 husband's likewise like who like Jesus remember we're following his steps just like Jesus though what does he want you to do first of all live with your wive's in an understanding way or dwell with them according to knowledge or to put it more simply study your mate one of the problems in our relationships is that we give very little time to the study of our wise women are very very complicated to understand I mean you say something and you want to know what did I say to bring that kind of response you know you put your arm around leave me alone what I didn't do anything you will you will never do nothing let you tell it you want to know where in the world did that come from well that's because we do not study our wives and all of us are guilty that I'm guilty of that when we do not understand why they are the way they are so then we can't handle them when they get that way don't you should know before your wife when her menstrual flow time is because that more than anything else will determine where her emotions are now we've got this new phenomenon today which is not new at all called PMS now if your wife has PMS that a dog you okay that a dog you because she will go through these major emotional swing is not new his way back in the Bible a woman during a minstrel flora to separate herself in and all I mean God new folks are going to get dog during that period of time I'm just being honest with you all right now all PMS is is the intensification of the emotional swings due to the progesterone and the hormonal changes that are related to that and the more of those changes that take place and the loss of the pedestrian will cause a greater emotional swings and so you know they got a big business going today but they really don't offer a solution other than change your diet try to cut back on the changes but what you really have to do is get your family to help you through it well now we could turn to the Bible for that when he says husbands wrong with you wise an understanding way he is saying learn to read the movement that's what he's saying one of the ways you love your wife is learn to read her and if you know that she is coming on the week before that time that's when those changes are going to occur climaxing during that period of time when her flow begins okay and then the period a few days after it begins to rise the hormonal structure begins to settle in become a constant and of course she's more alive and more active she's were oriented to you more patient with the kids but you see that's something she can you say to your wife for example you say why you have to be that way you say because I want to all right I mean she gets upset well the whole point of it is if she's going through those changes then she can't help but respond on a different wavelength so if there are other irritations in the relationship you're going to feel them and you're going to know them now let me run on a little bit further here because we're running out of time he goes on he says this drove us in an understanding way learn what makes them tick giving honor to the wife give honor to your wife the concept of giving honor is the concept of placing her on a pedestal like it or not that's what that means the concept of honor is placing on on a pedestal it doesn't say change your wife if you're trying to change your wife you mess it up you mess it up changing your wife it's not by changing your wife changing your wife is by honoring your wife now if your wife is like my wife she spends a lot of time in self pampering before the mirror of how she looks how she dresses the way they look in the mirror do you know what women doing that pampering themselves they're making themselves feel good about themselves now honoring her is you're adding to what she already does for herself it's your pampering her pampering of herself it is you making her feel good about her okay and the reason why many of our wives rebel is because what they need they're not receiving women need honor they need to be pampered or put on a pedestal and everyone you did that when you dated your wife everyone baby you should you are fine do you hear me do you hear me we talking about our bad man my JAMA you are fine all right all right I mean we pampered her and pulling out of the chair we pampered her and opening the door we pampered her and we were walking along side of the street you know moving her to the other side we moved to the inside you know man she's lucky if we can get in the car before we drive off I mean when we talking about things have gotten bad here all right pamper your wife honor her make her feel like some body special if you do that without expecting anything in return then anything you get is a bonus see don't do it say that okay okay now I can't I heard the past this morning I'm going on here baby you got a week a pampering if you don't get your thing together in a week I am pampering you no more oh no no you understand it took you five years to make this mess it may take you five years of pampering to clean it up I don't know well I shouldn't have said that but the idea the idea that I want to communicate is very simple the idea man I want to communicate is wives need honor but I got pay love means honor and don't expect anything return or don't demand anything in return now that's what God will use though to give you something in return you can't go demanding it I'm going to do this next you better do that God didn't do that he doesn't say I'm a doubt for you now you better get saved I'm going to die for you and salvation is available if you want it I but I'm still going to die and some of you men in your homes have got to decide to die to be striped to be kicked and abused and you're still very much a man so you haven't become less of a man you're all man if you do that because it takes somebody with guts to be willing to do that okay in closing here as to the weaker vessel he calls her weaker in other words she can't take what you can take she can't take it physically she's physically weaker she's emotional cry first generally because she's motional weaker she can't take what you take so you take more than she has to the Bible says she's weaker and she is that's why she gets upset faster and stays upset longer because she's weaker she cannot take what you think so she works and then has to come home and cook and then take care of kids her circuits are often overloaded she can't take what you take and then you get mad cuz she's not available at night but if the circuits are overloaded she can't take it all right she can't respond okay and so then she feels like a and she's forced to respond physically but she can't because the circuits overloaded because she's weaker the Bible says God made a weaker and then he closes by saying and being heirs together of the grace of life treat her as an equal heirs together don't treat her as somebody under your foot the way some men treat their wives are like dogs are like dogs they treat them disgracefully not as an equal she's not your child so you don't beat order okay she is your equal you're the leader but she still is your equal in essence she's every bit as good as you treat her as an equal and then he says that your prayers may not be hindered you on your knees pray and law change my wife God says you have hindered prayers if you're not honoring your wife if you're not willing to take stripes for your wife then get up off your knees because I won't need your prayers because you're not loving your wife let me give you a couple things you can do specific number one the first thing you do is each day if you're going to honor your wife you're going to pamper her do something special for your wife or say something special it doesn't have to cost money but expect nothing in return she's making up the bed go to the other side of the bed and say hey I'm honey let me help you and then after you pick she gets up off the floor you know she goes to wash dishes honey let me put them in the dryer let me dry yeah every day do something or say something special you don't know how much it affects your wife when you say to her on the way out the door honey you sure look beautiful today you do that enough what do you think she's gonna say well let me stay home then you're not dumb you're not dumb all right each day say or do something special expect nothing in return I mean if you say baby you look wonderful and she says get out of my life pick your feelings up off the floor and keep on trucking secondly make sure you include the unexpected stop being so boring she kind of can predict what you're going to say or what you're going to do before you do it that's why she won't make love with you that's as boring as everything else don't be don't be so anticipatory so predictable I mean remember when you were dating what are we going to do tonight surprise you know you were creative be creative the Bible says that the Lord's mercies are new every day never know what's coming and that's why you want to get in the habit of thinking and planning and being creative doesn't have to cost any money a little special love note ideally once a week but certainly twice a month date her now this is this is different than the nice things you do every day that was a little quick thing but twice a month say this is our night we gonna get somebody for the kids or whatever you have to do I'm going to take you out whether it's dinner whether it's for a walk even but we're going to go out I can't wait to be with you I can't wait to be with you I want to be with the kids and that's nice but there's nothing like being with you because the husband and wife relationship takes precedence of the parent-child relationship you're preparing the children to leave quick you still got to live with your wife okay so what I'm saying to you today is please please a couple times a month next is give her time from the kids and you see the men can get away from the kids a lot easier than the ladies can give her time away honey let me keep the kids tonight you just go and do something for you because what that says is that you're important and I really want you to online I care about the fact that you have the burden of the children most women do love her with your words read the Song of Solomon sometime lover with your words love her with your words and don't wait till 10:00 at night when you know you want something love her with your words at 10:00 in the morning when you know you're not going to get nothing she's going to way out the door honey looking forward to you coming back home love her with your words when you read the lover Solomon he talks about the beauty of her teeth and the tenderness and softness of the skin and the aroma of her perfume and and he goes on and on and on and on and on and talks about how she's like the gazelles and and the beauty of a hand he goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and then he climaxes in chapter 4 when she says come into your God she takes the initiative sexually why because all he's been doing is giving her his words he's been building that thing I call in the middle of the day and said and just simply say to her to start I called because you've been on my mind I've heard your voice and that's all I need goodbye so you need to do Louisville with your words okay famous song was out simply said lover in a hundred ways lover in a hundred ways she'll change it may not be tomorrow but remember you're not eros you're not phileo you're a guy you're going to love her expecting nothing in return so whenever you get something it'll be God's reward to you

Channel: Tony Evans

Views: 332,237

Rating: 4.8533359 out of 5

Keywords: loving your woman, Tony Evans, Tony Evans sermons, sermons about love, sermons for men, how to love your wife, husbands love your wives

Id: RP1pU932js8

Length: 35min 40sec (2140 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 02 2015