Respecting Your Man | Sermon by Tony Evans

God established the family as you know and he established guidelines for that covenant and marriage is called a covenant it's called a binding relationship between a male and female that is a until death do you part relationship that's what it is the only reason God even allowed divorce under certain limited and most restricted scenarios is because of the sinfulness of men according to Deuteronomy 24 compared with Matthew 19 the sinfulness of men God had to come up with a way to protect men and women from each other but God's idea of relationships is that there would be no divorce except under the restricted scenarios of adultery and or desertion that those would be the only two categories what I want to concentrate on by covenants is the concept of hierarchy hierarchy when God wanted to make sure that his rules were operating in history in time he set up a chain of command a chain of command that chain of command is listed for us and I'll read it to you in 1st Corinthians chapter 11 where it says verse 3 I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man the man is the head of a woman and Christ is the head of God now that's in the text that's what the Bible says that there is in history a chain of command and that chain of command is also in eternity for example God is the head of Christ now Christ is equal to God in essence but Christ is not equal to God in function and a fundamental difference that you and I understand is that there is a difference between function and essence essence everybody is equal function everybody is not equal there must be different functions if a job is to be carried out now you see this in your employment in your employment there's an owner and then there is a CEO the person who manages it and then there's middle level management and then there's the more generic personnel now if everybody's CEO the work doesn't get done but if there is no CEO then the work doesn't get directed if there is no owner there is no business for anybody to be employed in each one of those levels is an essential part of fulfilling a job and unless there is a chain of command then everything is up for grabs now let me explain before I get into the specifics the purpose of the chain of command the purpose of the chain of command is to fulfill the wishes of the owner the reality is when you own it you can do what you want to do because it's yours okay nobody else can come into my house and tell me how to furnish it they can tell me what they think about how I furnished it but they have no authority in terms of the essence of our firms mouth because it's my house what ownership come certain rights while God is owner the earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof the world and all they that dwell in it he owns it and quite frankly he's not asking for advice I therefore he says and a whom hath the Lord saw counsel and from whom did he think advice so the Lord isn't really asking for advice you can give it to him if you want to but just want you to know he's not going around looking for advice because he knows how he wants his world run and so what God has done is established institutions designed to carry out his program and each institution has a hierarchy the first institution is the family and the hierarchy is husband wife children all three are equal in essence but all three are different and function he has the church and in the church he has a hierarchy he has a system he has elders he has deacons has a teacher all of that is designed to assure that God's plan in history is accomplished and then government the Bible says pray for Kings and in Romans 13 says because they are the ministers of God the job of government is to carry out justice in society all based on hierarchy but our concern is the home we've already established that the husband is the CEO he is the one who is to make sure that the owners desires are carried out in the oldest institution called the family that's his job if he fails that job that he has done great damage to the cause of Christ while it does not excuse men for not being men that is a man cannot look at his wife and say because of her I can't be a man because manhood is not related to how another person treats you it is related to who you are by God's creation we must go one step and say that many women make it exceedingly difficult for men to assume with ease their god-given responsibility you see we live in a world ladies where men in general increasingly and minority men in particular are beaten up daily by an unjust society but in the Bible the understanding was no matter what happened in the society at large when he came home it was a different story when the man walked in the door there was one place everybody knew who he was there was one place where there was no confusion or lack of clarity that there was one realm the man could lead and be recognized as leader and that was his home in the Bible the concept is called the patriarch and the patriarch was a man who headed the home and all of the people under the home in such a way that everybody in the home revered his role thus leading to the concept of respect there is no command in the Bible for a woman to love her husband it does not exist there are verses in the Bible that talk about women loving their husbands but there is no command for a woman to love her husbands but there are plenty of commands for a warrior husband to love his wife now there's a reason for that a man's greatest need isn't love now all men need love but that's not his greatest need a man's greatest need is for reverence now you may not like that because it short quiet in here you may not want that but I'm sorry that's the way it is men go great lengths to be reverenced they don't necessarily go great lengths to be loved but they go great lengths to be reverenced when then put notches on their perennial belts for all the women that they have conquered it is a desire to be reverenced it is the desire to come across as mr. super stud who has has this ability to conquer all these women it is a self attempt to inflate one's own ego even though most of those stories are lives they are attempts to embellish a god-given need for Dominion when men say to their wives who do you think you are talking to when they're angry or perhaps when they're not it is out of a sense that I am not being respected and I don't know how many men I have talked to who say this women generally say my husband doesn't love me that generally how it comes and that's how I was built to come but men don't generally say that men generally say my wife doesn't respect me because the need of a man given by God is not primarily for love the need of a man is for reverence now some of you are ticked off already and I haven't even got to the verse because your attitude is I'm not reverencing no man okay but you don't want that same response if he were to say I'm not loving no woman you see in a very mutual meeting of needs so let's look at first Peter three before I get in more trouble and so that you know that God is speaking here in the same way you wives and of course if you're not married you need to develop a mindset for marriage with this in mind be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word they're not living like they ought to be living they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives thank you sister I need some help now when the text opens up within the same way that means that it's talking about something that's gone previous and at the end of chapter 2 what you find is that Jesus Christ suffered unjustly verse 22 who committed no sin nor was any deceit found in his mouth and while being reviled he did not revile in return while suffering he uttered no threats but kept entrusting himself to him who judges righteously and he himself bore our sins in his own body on the cross that we might die to sin and live to righteousness for by his wounds you were healed for you were continually straying like sheep but now you have returned to the Shepherd and guardian of your soul in the same way the comparison to wise in chapter 3 is drawn from the illustration of Christ in chapter 2 and in chapter 2 it says Jesus didn't do anything wrong he was the ideal spokesman for God but in spite of that fact he got nailed to the cross in spite of that fact he was treated unjustly in spite of that fact he was treated miserably but rather than arguing his point which would have been a legitimate arguing meant it says he entrusted himself into the hands of the one who would do right and then the Bible says even though you were straying you have now returned to the Shepherd and Bishop of your soul in other words you are in this building today because God got ahold of you and you've begun responding properly to Christ on some level in the same way he was be submissive to your own husbands now there are two concepts there that create an immediate problem the first concept is the concept of submissiveness but before you judge it understand it the concept of submissiveness is not a concept of being a doormat or being a floor cloth it is not saying let your husband beat up on you that's not the concept of biblical submissiveness let me give you the concept of submissiveness submissiveness means placing oneself willingly under the authority of another in keeping with the ultimate responsibility you have on the christ so submission does mean placing oneself under some of the authority but submission has limits in other words you are submitted to the Lord first our Asians v says submit to your hair husband's as unto the Lord so submission is to your husband but the husband has limitations it must be as unto the Lord in other words you do not submit to anything that requires you to disobey God just because your husband wants you to do it but on the other hand you do submit to everything that is not contradictory to that which is in keeping with obeying the Lord if I often said rob a bank you say no you say no because that would disagree with the Lord so the criteria of submission is agreement with God but the responsibility other than that is comprehensive now he says submission to your own husband's things assuming you're married and by the way single ladies just saw a tip so for you to clear up so you don't spend 50 years of frustrated life don't marry somebody you don't feel like you can submit to if you are a strong woman then please marry a stronger man okay because it's a miserable combination if you are stronger than your husband okay because he's going to be frustrated because he's too weak to lead you but you're going to be frustrated because you're having to lead him so they're going to be a perpetual fight so based on your temperament always marry somebody you can look up to not only physiologically but attitudinally and mentally okay now if you are already married it's too late okay you cannot change husbands because he's weaker what you've got to do is learn to shore up his weaknesses and make them strengths and settle down some of your strengths in order to shore up his weaknesses now some of you it goes on to say to your own husbands that means nobody else's husband own is a statement of possession you are to submit place yourself under the authority of your husband now if your attitude lady is I am NOT placing myself under any man you need to stay single I mean you have that right single but you don't have that right married you don't have that right marry uh-huh all right to put it another way some ladies a lot of ladies and this is the danger of working wives nothing wrong with working wise but you must understand when I went over proverbs 31 the great danger of working wise is that they wind up showing more respect for the boss who is married to another woman then her husband because the boss controls the purse strings now I know a lot of you ladies don't like your male bosses you don't like the way they treat you you don't like the way they talk to you you don't like the way they dump work on you you don't like any of that stuff but when they show up it's still mr. so-and-so he still gets treated with a modicum of dignity now why does he get treated that way he doesn't get treated that way because he has earned it it's just the opposite he gets treated that way because of his position which leads me to the next line even if any of them are disobedient to the word they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives that there's a lot there and I'm halfway through I'm serving and still in verse one but there's a whole lot here let me talk about it for a moment the issue of respect has nothing to do altum Utley with the success or failure of your husband in his job that this you must understand you are respecting him because of his position there are a lot of people that you don't like who you must respect there are a lot of policemen you may not like but you better respect them when you go into a courtroom you don't have to like the judge but you better respect them say the wrong thing and you'll be slapped with contempt of court because sitting behind that bench is not only a male but a male with a rope on who occupies a position and what you respect even if you do not like the person is the position as long as they hold that position now don't get me wrong that the judge is not better than you the police is not better than you your boss is not better than you you're not respecting them out of bitterness you're respecting them out of position and that distinction there are a lot of people in life you do not like who you must respect and your husband is to be chief among them this is not an option the Bible says even if he is not living up to his full responsibility you are obligated unless he causes you to do something against Christ to recognize his position and not disrespect him and the greatest way that women disrespect their men is with their tongue not it is what you say and how you say what you say to the man in your life that is the illustration of your respect and when you talk to somebody in society who you do not like but must respect you control yourself go try cussing out the local judge and see where it gets you when the policeman you do not like stops you and you feel like he's been unfair use profanity against him and get out of the ticket that way you will find that that does not work for that is not to be tolerated or take your children mothers suppose you give your children instructions that they don't like and they stand up and say well I don't care what you saying to me I'm not going to do it do we have a problem on our hands we most certainly do because even if you were wrong and what you told your children they must respect your position as mother am i right well they're in the same way that those who you don't like are still expected to give respect to you or for them to receive respect from you the Bible teaches that you are always to recognize your husband's position even if you disagree with your husband's point he says even if they are disobedient see that even if there's it it doesn't mean just agreeing with that point you got to make that distinction you may not agree with the point but he says the way you win them is without a word let's talk about this phrase without a word or you start to get into it now huh without a word does not mean speech less Ness it doesn't mean that you never say anything that's not the concept of the phrase without a word what other word has the connotation of nagging that's the concept of without a word negative now not my ladies let's think practically how long have you been nagging your husband about something things that in your marriage since the day you got married right years you've been nagging it and he's still doing the same things okay it ought to occur to you by now you need a new strategy okay it ought to occur to you now why is the man not responding to your nagging there is one reason why he's not responding that because you tell him what to do you are telling him what to do and he rebels that because what you've done is deflated his god-given ego I mean I hear a lot of women saying I'm I'm tired of having a feed is he go any women tired of having to do that they're not raise your hand since I'm tired of feeding his ego well you better go get some sleep and get back up because that is a divine requirement in the same way that he should not get tired of loving you you should not get tired of respecting him because just like you need TLC he needs that reinforcement an acclamation of respect he goes on to say that the way you win them is without a word by the behavior to put it another way what you do will go further than what you say okay so if you are nagging him and still not doing anything you've just given Double Trouble now where I go from here it's going to be deep I haven't even gotten deep yet I'm still on the light stuff but remember that this is God talking okay still so if you get mad get mad at God as they verse to observe your chaste and respectful behavior see that your chaste the concept of your gentle and respectful behavior now in some cultures they make their women do this in order to assure that it's done they make them do it okay by physical force or by having some repercussions if you don't do it so in certain cultures to show respect to have to walk behind their husbands you know and in certain cultures you know when the husbands are talking they dare not speak one of our staff was over in Egypt one time and the wife fix the meal and he complimented her on it said that was a tremendous meal and they took him outside and warned him don't you ever do that again because the way we keep these ladies in their position is by letting them know they doing what they supposed to do so now you really don't have it that bad do you ladies well I won't get into that but he says they are to observe that is see respect it is to be visibly demonstrated that I hold you in the highest esteem based on your position that I recognize you are God's appointed hierarchical leader in this home now if you are the boss on your job leave it on your job if you are the supervisor on your job supervise on your job don't bring that mess home okay don't bring that home because you have a problem I'm gonna tell you you have a problem because most men unless they're very very passive do not want supervisors for wives okay then once supervisors watch now I know what some of you ladies are thinking you're sitting there thinking well what you need to do preacher is tell these men to be men so we'll want to do it okay well I did that two weeks ago now I'm telling you to do it cuz you're supposed to do it okay that is a responsibility it is something that you are given by God to do in marriage three and let not your adornment well God's really cramping us your style here be merely external braiding the hair wearing golden jury and putting on of dresses but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God don't let your adorning merely be external now you ladies be looking good okay and I know the reason you look good is because you make a major investment in the looking good but you make a major investment of time that look good that major investment is in the area of shopping middle name is shop all right you know trying to be good husband sometimes I go shop what my wife does not wanting the great things I enjoy doing because that's hours and hours and hours worth of going through things for her to tell me why it doesn't look good and it just just doesn't turn me on really okay but I gotta apply these sermons so I do go sometime but there is a major investment and you know you've heard me talk about the way the attention you ladies give the mirrors the world for you is one big mirror you know is the mirror in the house there's a mirror in the car now they put them on the driver side in case you drive it then on the passenger side then you get the way you going first thing you got to do powder your nose look in the mirror again and you don't even need a mirror ten that shines it's good enough as long as it reflects why because God knows our lady is very conscious about our public presence and beauty and God does not condemn that that is acceptable with God men you ought to be looking for a good-looking woman alright nothing wrong with that and ladies you are to make yourself as appealing as possible in other words if you're single it shouldn't be because you didn't take care of yourself and you didn't look good and you weren't appealing that wrong with that but God has a big problem if there's so much emphasis on the external getting fixed up for your public and not getting fixed up inside for your Lord God has a big problem with that God has a problem with you going through hours and hours of clothes at whatever store you shop at going through hours and hours of clothes but not willing to go through hours and hours of strategy of being God's woman at home he has a problem with that there's a problem with that he says let it be the hidden man of the heart what he's talking about is show construct you're inside that you follow God's plan in your in your home exalting your husband to the position of leader that God has placed him in now some men are passive not by choice but by circumstances they were raised without a father they were raised with the dominant dictating mother that's all they know so you get on before being so passive but that's all they know and if you think this generation is bad weight to our children get married when we've got 70% of our kids who have been going out without a father we've got a whole generation of women who either if they looking for mr. right royalberry or we'll have to apply this on their honeymoon to get this thing started early because we have a lot of young men who are being beaten by circumstances that they have absolutely no control over which means if he's ever going to become the man that he was created to be you are going to have to become the kind of woman who elevates him to the level that God recognizes him at that's what it means it does wonders for a man to hear from his wife I'm so glad I can tell my girlfriends you are my man it does wonders for a man to hear from his wife it is awesome being married to you it does wonders for a man to hear from his wife honey please leave me I'm dying to follow you all right now I can tell most of you ain't been using in here this it does wonders for a man when you ask him first before you go ahead and buy it and say honey if it's okay with you I sure would like to have this but I thought I need to ask you first to make sure it's in keeping with the direction you're taking our home in now let me tell you let me tell you let me tell you why they're works that works cuz that sounds so good to him he gonna want you to come back with that one again so you probably will get a yes it is by your behavior by the way you respect him in word and deed not by your nagging him when you gonna go up and become a man boy I mean you live the way some of the wives talking element you a sorry brother you know well I sure wish I was married to a man you know those kind of statements you see that is disrespecting God's hierarchical frame of reference there's no way around it Bible says this is not new verse five four in this way in former times the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands now please get the key here the women weren't trying to change the husband they were hoping in God see if you disrespect your husband you're working against God and if you're working against God no matter how much you pray you won't get God's help to change your husband if you hope in God that means you must obey God you cannot hope in God by doing what your girlfriends they do one of our problems is we talking with too many girlfriends and looking at too many soap operas okay that's one of the problem okay I mean some of us think we Alexis or something that we've been called to run the show here and you notice she can't keep her husband's either so the idea here is that there is a commitment to get God on your side and the way you get God on your side is by obeying his particular instructions since the old women were like this they are doing themselves they weren't only good-looking externally they were good-looking internally their husbands their whoo she's good-looking by her character and then he illustrates it that's Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord ladies let's read that together verse 6 first line let's go thus Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord what did she call him was she calling turn to your husband and calling that right now snob now the word nope now he says that these Old Testament women are to be New Testament illustrations the word Lord means master that's what it means it means nothing it says Abraham was called by Sarah Lord and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by anything now see for some of you return to call your husband's Lord scares you scares you call him Lord call him Lord and call no man Lord well let's look at where Abraham Sarah called Abraham Lord Genesis chapter 18 yeah the Bibles are turning because I know some of you within yeah they've got to be another interpretation to that Genesis chapter 18 verse 11 let's look at verse 9 then they said to him where is Sara your wife and he said behold in the tent and he said I will surely return to you at this time next year and behold Sara your wife shall have a son and Sarah was listening at the tent door which was behind him now Abraham and Sara were old advanced in age Sara was past childbearing and Sara laughed to herself saying after I have become old shall I have pleasure my lord being old also and the Lord said Abraham why did Sarah laugh saying shall I indeed bear a child when I am so old is anything too difficult for the Lord there's a whole lot there God said Abraham your wife only she is it's going to have a baby Sara listens to that and says what that's impossible I can't have a baby at 90 years of age and then she says shall I have pleasure again with my lord in other words she was saying not only can I not have a baby I can't even get around to doing what it takes to have a baby so in the context of her calling Abraham my lord my master it is in a context of an impossible situation am i right some of you ladies are married to impossible men some of you ladies are married to mean that you don't say anyway they can turn around some of you ladies are married I mean you don't see any hope for some of you are married to impossible situations but Sarah called Abraham Lord and believed God would respond even though it sounded impossible at first submitted to him and as a result the Bible says out a year later comes Isaac through an impossible situation I'm saying that same God can take what you consider that mess of a man and turn him around but you got to say my lord you've got to take your role and play your part and make sure that you've done everything you can do humanly possible to honor the Lord before the Lord does everything he can to make a miracle in your family don't ask God why he hasn't changed you man if you haven't changed your role don't ask God why he hasn't reversed you man if you ever respected his leadership some of you ladies need to go and today say honey I apologize I haven't let my disagreements with you turn into disrespect for you and for the disrespect for you I have been wrong and I want to begin today recognizing your leadership in this home my lord that's what it me that's what me and fail you to do that means you're not a does Sarah you say so what I'm out of daughter Sarah so you don't get the miracle Sarah I got that's what it means Sarah got a miracle it was an impossible situation but she got a miracle why because she did it God's Way that's why that's what so what am I saying I am saying that while we do have a male leadership concern in our culture one of the major contributors to it being as bad as it is is the failure of women to honor their husbands

Channel: Tony Evans

Views: 473,890

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Keywords: Respecting Your Man, Tony Evans sermons, sermons for women, marriage sermons, marriage teaching videos, Tony Evans videos, Christian sermons for women

Id: FvmZodVovCg

Length: 44min 39sec (2679 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 31 2014