The Best (and Worst) Bootleg FNaF Merch

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​​​ ​So, how often do you wonder, "Haha, oh jeez"​ ​​ ​​​ ​"I sure wish there was an ethically grey, slightly more affordable yet identical version of a specific piece of physical matter I'm into for me!"​ ​​ ​​​ ​​​ ​​ ​​​ ​Well, color yourself one lucky bastard, 'cause if I've got the th- OH MY GOD--​ ​​ ​​​ ​FNaF merch! We've all been greeted by the pungent aroma of various sweatshops at one point or another through a mutual love of this stupid little franchise.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Just ask me! I would know.​ ​​ ​​​ ​NECA, Sanshee, Funko, McFarlane, these are all perfectly competent example players in the pop culture media franchise merchandising market.​ ​​ ​​​ ​All of which I've praised in the past of varying degrees.​ ​​ ​​​ ​And all very capable of producing, and having previously produced, some wicked cool memorabilia worth throwing a buck or two at-​ ​​ ​​​ ​I said they're CAPABLE!​ ​​ ​​​ ​And surely after a brief couple years of hardly touching the stuff,​ ​​ ​​​ ​That it'd be worth slunking back over to the old GameStop mines on the hunt for any fresh and funky hunks of vinyl to gawk at this time!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Funko recolored their own black lights again. Okay, sod this, new idea.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Bootlegs! Yeah, when you get what you paid for and less so​ ​​ ​​​ ​Doubling as the easiest visual pun to make in the universe and everybody's favorite method of gambling!​ ​​ ​​​ ​I own three goddamn Springtraps! You wanna guess which one's the real deal?​ ​​ ​​​ ​That's right! The secret off-camera fourth one which proves that, really, gambling works. Don't do the math.​ ​​ ​​​ ​But hey! I'm getting ahead of ourselves​ ​​ ​​​ ​'Cause as much as I love intentionally buying four of the same goddamn plush, definitely intentionally​ ​​ ​​​ ​It's not like Five Nights at Freddy's is at all unique in the fact that a bootleg market exists for it,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Just incredibly infamous for it.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Bootleg merchandise, while yes, for the common consumer who maybe can't afford, or, hell,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Even source official offerings, it's a budget option, if an illicit one.​ ​​ ​​​ ​And as long as you're... vaguely aware of what you're buying and you ain't too fussed over the quality, there's not a thing wrong with that!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Only with the cock-twizzlers that advertise them like they're anything close to legitimate.​ ​​ ​​​ ​And thus, with that in mind, I want to take a peek into the world of this garbage, question mark?​ ​​ ​​​ ​'Cause, hey, with such a vast array of completely unrestricted designers and manufacturers​ ​​ ​​​ ​Can all of it really be that much worse than our tried and true "licensed" counterpart merchandise?​ ​​ ​​​ ​The litmus test starting five seconds ago!​ ​​ ​​​ ​This one's fake as shit, LOL!​ ​​ ​​​ ​The blatant copies! You and I both know there's more to bootleg merchandise of any intellectual property than the imitators,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But on the other hand, making fun of it is, uh...​ ​​ ​​​ ​Extremely funny, so let's do it anyway.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Making up the most popular form of physical commercialism to get your grubby little grabbers on​ ​​ ​​​ ​It's largely FNaF's various dominating plushie lines that get the old piracy treatment most frequently.​ ​​ ​​​ ​The black market's ripe and boy, is the fruit suspicious and untraceable!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Heck yeah! Log on to Amazon.com, they'll have whatever freshly rehashed​ ​​ ​​​ ​AR skin / generic stuffy recolor Funko's been spitting out as of late as a legitimate listing at a quick glance,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But it does not take long to find the fishy little flesh chunks in the bucket of waste that is this franchise's "stuff," eh heh- offerings!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Look, a dark web listing!​ ​​ ​​​ ​And given Funko's thread of wares and how... they are, it is stupid easy,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Hell, sometimes practically impossible to tell FNaF's bootleg plushies apart from the real deal!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Case in point: the four Springtraps I intentionally bought on purpose for fun. You remember, right?​ ​​ ​​​ ​And especially given the point that many bootlegs try hiding under the guise of official product photos anyway--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, it's like my favorite kind of gaslighting! Second favorite.​ ​​ ​​​ ​And eBay's not a whole lot better...​ ​​ ​​​ ​B-b-but at least i can kind of assume that by default, it's eBay!​ ​​ ​​​ ​"Consumer rights stemming from EU consumer protection law do not apply,"​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, I feel good about my purchase, add to cart!​ ​​ ​​​ ​And if that's the state of the couple of the more reputable e-commerce sites on the net...​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Gulps] AliExpress and wish.com, welcome to hell!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah! You know, those garbage, unreliable drop ship sites​ ​​ ​​​ ​Selling knockoff products by the dozen for pennies that shouldn't exist but do,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Just to host bootleg FNaF merch to piss me off specifically?​ ​​ ​​​ ​And punching either one into the search bar-​ ​​ ​​​ ​Ewww, my screen feels sticky, yeah we're getting real hot!​ ​​ ​​​ ​I mean, hey, at least anywhere else has the decency to give you a fighting chance at having the thing you order actually arrive at your home address,​ ​​ ​​​ ​It's like these don't even try to hide it!​ ​​ ​​​ ​It's wall to wall piracy slime over here,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Which sucks for the general public but works out pretty great for my purposes, so--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, I'd ask where to even begin with all this,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But, hey, appropiately following FNaF's paranormal motif into the world of black market matter, here's a couple skin-walkers!​ ​​ ​​​ ​And uncomfortably humanoid at that,​ ​​ ​​​ ​They didn't even try to translate these bitches' designs to make 'em more appealing here!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Possibly ripping off Funko's more realistically proportioned design, too,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But honestly, these might just be unique enough to be their own flavor of hell-spawn! Yeah, I'm impressed!​ ​​ ​​​ ​That's something you'll see occasionally,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Minor inconsistencies across an otherwise kind of standardized original bootleg design.​ ​​ ​​​ ​For better- for worse. It's just for worse!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Otherwise, it's plagiarism city, baby!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Here's Funko's Twisted animatronics on an exclusive diet of broken glass and five consecutive car accidents materialized!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Twice, apparently, but these guys cost double the integrity!​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Wistfully] Maybe they're full of double the car parts.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Oh, hey! A Fredbear plushie trio! These dudes... ain't too bad, actually?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Wait, I've seen these before- yep! Uh huh.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Well, what can I say? It's not a piece of FNaF merch without a little fan art theft!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Or hey, that something less crazy problematic you're after- I know, these are pretty crazy--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Here's some random bastard's take on the classic Freddy's Quartet.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Bonnie, Freddy, Foxy, and featuring Chica's iconic...​ ​​ ​​​ ​Cupcake! Also her god damn eye whites are leaking. [Disgusted groan]​ ​​ ​​​ ​It's okay guys, it's just a Hex plush prototype--​ ​​ ​​​ ​But, alright. If it's something else from the newer entries you're splashing out for?​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Opens water bottle, drinking water]​ ​​ ​​​ ​Here's this stupid asshole.​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Mournfully] He was never the same after 202 grams.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Here's a pretty normal looking Glamrock Freddy-- [Sound of balloon being inflated]​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Sound of balloon deflating] --dy so anyway, yeah!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Here's a Glamrock Freddy that looks so goddamn stupid somebody made him into a Left 4 Dead 2 mod.​ ​​ ​​​ ​And hey, bootleg Happy Frog, too! But, is it, though?​ ​​ ​​​ ​That aside, we're only scratching the surface of the current state of affairs here,​ ​​ ​​​ ​If you wanna get a little hash tag retro:​ ​​ ​​​ ​Here's an infamous line of FNaF 1 and 2 animatronic plushies from almost a decade ago!​ ​​ ​​​ ​In which they share the cute motif of perpetually screaming to be euthanized as soon as possible,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Which I'll admit is a pretty source-accurate design element if you think about it.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Infamous to the point of which they were probably, literally, officially referenced in Pizzeria Simulator!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Which I guess makes owning them slightly less illegal now.​ ​​ ​​​ ​And speaking of segues, here's an interesting situation...​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Distant reverberated fart]​ ​​ ​​​ ​Two distinct sites, both specifically dedicated to selling bootleg FNaF plushies...​ ​​ ​​​ ​And they're good?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Just to be totally clear, none of this shit is licensed,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Half of these are stolen designs, and for the record, these two anonymous omnipresent entities are literally copying each other,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But it's at least intriguing seeing so many pieces of long sought after FNaF merch to get their own presented in a somewhat official feeling capacity, right?​ ​​ ​​​ ​I mean, hell, alongside some cute packaging that definitely ain't ripping off the Youtooz logo​ ​​ ​​​ ​We've got some decent looking adaptations of Sun and Moon,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, I know. Finally, right?​ ​​ ​​​ ​A stylized Phantom Freddy, Shadow Bonnie, Nightmare, Withered animatronics, hello?!​ ​​ ​​​ ​On the other hand, do I trust them? Uh, Hell no. See, skin-walker!​ ​​ ​​​ ​And while there are original designs featured here,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Like Mr. Freddy...?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, they white-washed a bear.​ ​​ ​​​ ​And even if third-parties are offering merchandise that this stupid, sodding company refuses to manufacture, ever,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Purely on the basis that these aren't licensed and that there's clearly some malpractice at play here,​ ​​ ​​​ ​I can't advocate for picking any of this up,​ ​​ ​​​ ​I can advocate for two other completely unrelated things!​ ​​ ​​​ ​What, you wanna hear 'em, stupid?​ ​​ ​​​ ​A: Hex brand's wicked upcoming official Withered animatronic plushies, uh, yeah? Hello, hello?​ ​​ ​​​ ​And B: I can advocate for beating Funko over the head with a telephone pole 'til they get the message!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Y'know, 'cause then they'll wither away just like the cheap horror game merchandise you want them to make.​ ​​ ​​​ ​But these dudes are far from the only ones doing this,​ ​​ ​​​ ​With tons of even crappier off-license storefronts--​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Hock, spits] ...Like this existing!​ ​​ ​​​ ​But otherwise, that's the general state of things as far as plushies go.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Some surprising good, some expected bad, and some real butt-ugly outliers in a trillion acres of vaguely underwhelming Funko impostors--​ ​​ ​​​ ​I mean Sanshee- I mean Funko- I-- [Spluttering] Listen, man!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Despite Sanshee's staying power, Youtooz's ability to provide, and Funko's general dominance in the market,​ ​​ ​​​ ​There do exist other officially approved brands that more or less stay true to the base Funko design, kinda.​ ​​ ​​​ ​So, yeah! Official in seventeen goddamn quotation marks--​ ​​ ​​​ ​But some of those crappy, arcade prize quality looking-ass plushies you see are legitimate players,​ ​​ ​​​ ​As hard to distinguish against actual bootlegs as they might be.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Especially with most plushies... ever...​ ​​ ​​​ ​Generally including varying quality discrepancies at the best of times,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Brands like GoodStuff cornering that more affordable licensed offering's mark--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Oh, wait- w- wait. That one's a bootleg--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Wait- are- are any of these real?! [Stuttering] I can tell the difference, I swear to God!​ ​​ ​​​ ​But I'd be standing next to an exact replica of myself right now if I couldn't.​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Creak] AH!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Close, there is... way more to gawk at than just plushies, here. An unregulated market is an infinitely expanding one!​ ​​ ​​​ ​You know, like the universe.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Like, no way! The Sanshee security badge is a necklace?!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Now I don't have to plunge it into my collarbone every time I want to wear it! WIN!​ ​​ ​​​ ​But, as far as Funko, Sanshee, and GoodStuff stuffies go,​ ​​ ​​​ ​These dudes are plagiarized all the same for dirt cheap.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Though... [Stuttering] yeah, on drop ship sites like these?​ ​​ ​​​ ​This shit gets so stupidly under priced I feel like you...​ ​​ ​​​ ​Sort of deserve whatever you end up with.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Not me, though! Do I look irresponsible to you?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Like, bitch, if you pay 2.48 for the endoskeleton nugget and it arrived in a cloud of asbestos,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Uh, sorry, not sorry, death to you!​ ​​ ​​​ ​But, hey, if we really want to talk hazardous...​ ​​ ​​​ ​Fans of processed oil, you're gonna love this.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Bootleg FNaF action figures! How do I put this delicately... yeah that works.​ ​​ ​​​ ​If bootleg plushies are the results of decades of unregulated inbreeding by Sanshee and Funko,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Then these figures are the hysteric, hellish remains of said plushies banished to the underworld!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Now, usually I wouldn't be so literal but- [Forced laughter]​ ​​ ​​​ ​Funko's own exclusive 5-inch Five Nights at Freddy's articulated action figure line!​ ​​ ​​​ ​I've dug my hills and have defended my sense that these crazy little bastards ain't perfect,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But that there's ways to improve, and I think I finally know how to do it..!​ ​​ ​​​ ​You want a free heart attack?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, discounting the ominously accurate bootleg replica figures floating around these days,​ ​​ ​​​ ​The most common Funko imitators feature...​ ​​ ​​​ ​A functionality for sure, but to be fair, it's that or dismemberment.​ ​​ ​​​ ​I mean, if we wanna get game accurate with our interactive features,​ ​​ ​​​ ​At least the official junk doubles as both a nod to Mangle's pull apart and put back together attraction concept,​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Choking]​ ​​ ​​ ​In addition to acting as a choking hazard!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Animatronics that really pose a health risk? Yeah! Now we're talkin'!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Interactive features, yeah, get outta here, chest lights!​ ​​ ​​​ ​At least Funko has the cadmium-laced balls to actually kill you!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Chest lights, what am I gonna do, flash my enemy to death? W- well--​ ​​ ​​​ ​There's tons of these figures out there,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Less so over on plushie central and crap drop shipping sites, they're more an Amazon and eBay type waste of money,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Otherwise, they're pretty underwhelming hunks of bootleg...​ ​​ ​​​ ​Depending on your manufacturer of choice.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah! There's the die hard Funko imitators, posable figures, mystery minis, yeah, you name it.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Then there's the weird shit.​ ​​ ​​​ ​I mean, yeah, you got your basics:​ ​​ ​​​ ​Mediocre action figure adaptations Funko ain't yet tackled themselves for example,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But standard Funko figure ripoffs are weak sauce up against...​ ​​ ​​​ ​These FNaF figure ripoffs, these ones are worse! You can tell by the way they are.​ ​​ ​​​ ​The little Adventure bastards from FNaF World, now in all shades of inaccurate,​ ​​ ​​​ ​And featuring fan-artist Rebornica's Purple Guy and Mike designs..! You know, from FNaF World?​ ​​ ​​​ ​This game gets a surprising amount of attention in FNaF's bootleg scene,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Is it due to the simplistic, appealing, easy to manufacture designs it features...?​ ​​ ​​​ ​No! That's why they definitely don't sell these babies in twelve unarticulated piece batches for twenty bones on Amazon!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Sold as cake toppers, too! 'Cause, yeah, the first thing I'm doing with any mysteriously sourced PVC is putting it anywhere near my goddamn food!​ ​​ ​​​ ​But hey, if you're not breakneck psychotic over FNaF World,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Uh, cheap bootleg FNaF figures? Not ripping off Funko? Hahaha, yeah, don't mind if I do-- Oh.​ ​​ ​​​ ​FNaF-themed Minecraft sets! Featuring, er, mixeling, so bootleg or not,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Ahaha, these are already disgusting..!​ ​​ ​​​ ​I- I dunno, I mean, this Puppet don't look too bad?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Minecraft being as popular as it is, uh, yeah, while they aren't the most... dominant subsection of FNaF bootlegs,​ ​​ ​​​ ​They're a plague enough as it is!​ ​​ ​​​ ​At  least I can kinda understand the existence of these to an extent,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Minecraft's all about creativity; playing with and designing your own skins,​ ​​ ​​​ ​I'm sorry it was whoever developed these though!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Look, a neck! Ew.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Half of the assets of these things come with aren't even colored right half the time, I'd- [Stammering]​ ​​ ​​​ ​I'd rather stick a couple Legos together and call it a day- Oh, would you look at that.​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Strained] Yeah! Lego FNaF bootlegs! Wow!​ ​​ ​​​ ​As a resident McFarlane set owner I can attest to the fact that honestly...?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, fake FNaF Lego is so much worse, oh my God.​ ​​ ​​​ ​There's actually a surprising rollercoaster in craftsmanship here, though,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Mega-garbage occupying a hefty 99% of this shit of course,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But there do exist some wildly accurate custom mini-figure molds here...​ ​​ ​​​ ​But even then there's a real feeling of cheapness to it all.​ ​​ ​​​ ​At least visually, the material especially?​ ​​ ​​​ ​It's like my reflection's really there!​ ​​ ​​​ ​I don't know, I still way prefer our licensed counterpart's sets, at least as far as McFarlane's mini-figures go.​ ​​ ​​​ ​There's a real specific vibe to 'em that really carries over from the other games' series atmosphere I feel,​ ​​ ​​​ ​With these knockoffs adhering strictly to the idea of just making cheap Lego versions of each animatronic verbatim,​ ​​ ​​​ ​McFarlane setting out to produce actual better adaptations,​ ​​ ​​​ ​With texture, and actual dimension to 'em each to boot.​ ​​ ​​​ ​With a clear amount of care put in to giving them a sense of functionality, removable masks and all.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Also, hey, more inbreeding. More of that, please.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Speaking of McFarlane, though, not unlike the world of legal trade,​ ​​ ​​​ ​A select few bootleg FNaF figure, quote unquote, brands do exist.​ ​​ ​​​ ​One in particular I can't seem to get the sodding hell away from being Midnight Mystery Warriors!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Whaddya mean "word vomit" it's FNaF-related!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Midnight? Each game kicks off at 12AM.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Mystery? Uh, FNaF's got plenty!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Warrior? Uh, yeah, little known fact, Night 2 onwards Mike Schmidt's packing, wouldn't you?!​ ​​ ​​​ ​So, among their other cadmium-laced ventures,​ ​​ ​​​ ​I keep coming across these gross-looking Funko Pop imitations they like to spit out and boy, are they real disgusting!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Look! A mystery mini Nightmare Bonnie head with a purple Funko Pop Springtrap torso. Just what I always wanted!​ ​​ ​​​ ​"Popipo, Happy!" Is that what that expression is?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Mismatched body parts, crappy paint jobs, inconsistent and straight up misleading box art?​ ​​ ​​​ ​They don't even try with these half these molds!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Skin-walkers? Hey, again- what...?​ ​​ ​​​ ​No, for real, these things haunt me!​ ​​ ​​​ ​I mean, I don't know, they're objectively fine, they're just...​ ​​ ​​​ ​J- Jesus, Pops don't look like that, they're weird!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Put 'em back! [Squeak] There we go.​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Dejectedly] Can we go back to plushies?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Half the labels on these things can't even pronounce the names of these dudes right, if they get 'em right.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Funtime Fox...sde, you wanna try that again?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Oh yeah, and naturally complete with Springtrap's torso again, 'cause you needed that, you bitch!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Anyway, as much as these ain't it... it don't matter 'cause they've never lived up to peak anyway.​ ​​ ​​​ ​While it's hard to properly fact-check for obvious reasons,​ ​​ ​​​ ​These guys are behind a large majority of those crappy, knockoff action figures​ ​​ ​​​ ​You can tell by the way their... name is on the packaging.​ ​​ ​​​ ​An anomaly in the FNaF bootleg world for sure; establishing a brand of sorts,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But it's not like they even stick with a consistent font. Brand identification's for chumps!​ ​​ ​​​ ​W- wait, hey, didn't we see these mofos before?​ ​​ ​​​ ​With the.. [Stuttering] yeah, with the Funko figures.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Oh. Haha. Let me clear up a misconception. [Scoffs] Duh.​ ​​ ​​​ ​The light up figures I talked about aren't the real FNaF action figures, they're bootlegs...!​ ​​ ​​​ ​...of another set of higher quality toxic Mexican bootlegs!​ ​​ ​​​ ​You guys into sniffing lead...?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, I wasn't kidding. Tasty, right?!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Time for this rabbit hole to become a goddamn subway network,​ ​​ ​​​ ​These goddamn cryptid effigies!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Nobody knows shit about where these figures come from, who makes them,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Whose soul gets ripped from the deep, gurgling pits of Hell and manifested in the legendary off-grid factories of Mexico​ ​​ ​​​ ​to spawn God's own rejects into the material plane,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But they look kind of funky.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Uh, forget the fact that these are aimed at kids...​ ​​ ​​​ ​No, I'm kidding, remember the shit out of that fact--​ ​​ ​​ ​THESE ARE AIMED AT KIDS?!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Toxic? Nightmare? Perfect for my unaccompanied 6-year-old, don't poison yourself too much!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Lookin' like the end result of official FNaF merchandise dumped in a wood-chipper, reportedly stinking real bad,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Coated in slime, and inspiring decay across the nation,​ ​​ ​​​ ​These abominations are the absolute cream of the crop when it comes to FNaF bootlegs. Could you tell?​ ​​ ​​​ ​I value my track record of having yet to experience lead poisoning,​ ​​ ​​​ ​So, do excuse me for not burning my hard-earned cash on any of these guys in person,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But, aw, gee whiz, can I get an appropriately horrified "what the shit."​ ​​ ​​​ ​Pour a cream soda out for the bastards that had to sit down and design these,​ ​​ ​​​ ​99% of them are straight up "Twisted blank," not Blank as in the fan-game character,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Though, that does exist 'cause of course it does. W- wh- what, wait, what the f--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, "Twisted." ​ ​​ ​​ ​2017 The Twisted Ones' Twisted animatronics exist.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Real popular, Funko never made articulated figures of 'em,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Chaos ensues in the black market.​ ​​ ​​​ ​So, like most things in life, yeah, I consider this a result of criminal neglect on Funko's part.​ ​​ ​​​ ​But of course, stopping at canon designs is too much to ask from these people,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Which is why so many toxic Mexican bootleg-flaired Nightmare / Withered / Twisted variants exist​ ​​ ​​​ ​of completely original, remixed, or straight up stolen animatronic designs in bootleg figure form,​ ​​ ​​​ ​And how the piss do I begin describing these things?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Here's a cleaver-wielding Nightmare Pigpatch,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Or a Nightmare... Nightmare with a barbed wire baseball bat appropriate for the amount of blunt-force trauma I feel like I'm getting right now.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, completely off the rails for no reason, and I can't help but just feel like a deer in headlights whenever one of these things appears on my monitor,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Like, look! Nightmare Homer! Sleep paralysis!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Or, hey, here's Twisted Bonnie with a lobster claw,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Or, octopus Chica? 'Cause you know, really, who gives a shit?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Uh, trivia alert! Apparently for this type of bootleg specifically, at the center of it all,​ ​​ ​​​ ​According to a random-ass YouTube comment I want to clarify,​ ​​ ​​​ ​It's a real competitive scene out there?​ ​​ ​​​ ​I mean, I assume that's the case for most sectors of bootleg,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But come on, read the room, I'm handling radioactive waste here.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Which would explain the sheer volume of variants you'll find of each figure,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But, hey, at least they're consistent in how insanely unsightly all of them are, LOL!​ ​​ ​​​ ​But there's not, like, a... brand name attached to distinguish any of them,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Nobody knows who makes 'em, but even when they don't feature themselves as twisted amalgamations,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Don't worry! You know when you see one.​ ​​ ​​​ ​They all have this... real specific build quality to them, obviously with cheaper materials,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But there's a real grittiness and sense of volume to the way they all look,​ ​​ ​​​ ​With so much added intentional... I don't wanna say polish... but polish, I guess?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Like, yeah, they look like nightmare, but despite the notoriety,​ ​​ ​​​ ​I can't help but admire the fact that there is, admittedly, a level of care put into them, kinda?​ ​​ ​​​ ​They are hand-crafted by artisans after all, and it says that on eBay so it's gotta be true,​ ​​ ​​​ ​So a genuine underlying level of quality here does make sense,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But flip my dick if that don't make the fact that somebody sat their ass down and slaved away at that 9 to 5 to produce this demon spawn any less insane!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Ahahaha, but some of them are okay.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Like... [Stuttering] I dunno, I mean, this Purple Guy figure don't look too bad.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Which makes sense, 'cause it was stolen, so just like me at the grocery store, that checks out. [Beep]​ ​​ ​​​ ​Why do these ones look okay? Why do these ones look okay?!​ ​​ ​​​ ​How are these more source-accurate than Funko?! Can we get a collective "Scott, hire this man."​ ​​ ​​​ ​And there is no shortage of any of this,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Again, with really no official guidelines to follow, these dudes have free reign to pull apart source material and stick it back together all they like.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Like taffy! That's been melted down, thrown in a sewer and spat on a little,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But almost looks like the real thing, if you- if you just... if you just squint--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, it's like I'm seeing double!​ ​​ ​​​ ​But hey, if you're having doubts about the quality here, it's fine [Dejectedly] 'cause they have a play feature...​ ​​ ​​​ ​I will say, a lot of these chunky Charlies are more fleshed out in the interactivity department than what we've ever gotten from name brands,​ ​​ ​​​ ​With some curiously interesting design choices.​ ​​ ​​​ ​This insane looking Dreadbear's head for example comes off in a Frankenstein-esque fashion to reveal a brain underneath, which is kind of cool.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Classic Bonnie's face can be removed as a nod to FNaF's original game trailer--​ ​​ ​​​ ​I'm kidding! It's a Withered Bonnie function they slapped on to their Classic Bonnie and also every other animatronic they produce.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Do you think these people do their research, LMAO?​ ​​ ​​​ ​At least these guys still retain the all-essential chest cavity LED,​ ​​ ​​​ ​That and the amount of lead in these things has, like, three bootleg killer animatronic traits in one!​ ​​ ​​​ ​I love game accuracy!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Ahaha, looks like bootleg me's got a play feature too--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Oh, that's lead, her blood is l- everything's covered in...​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, actually, that'd explain 11-month-long coma I just slipped into--​ ​​ ​​​ ​But hey, I'll be honest. Exposure to lead might take a while to cure me, though at least it's guaranteed!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Funko's official offerings couldn't kill me for shit! Like, what if I choked to death on a disconnected limb wrong? Too many variables.​ ​​ ​​​ ​I mean, dawg, half of these goddamn figures look like the result of a Five Nights at Freddy's speed edit​ ​​ ​​​ ​from a 14-year-old who doesn't know the first thing about character design yet. Yeah, exactly.​ ​​ ​​​ ​A gross looking Nightmare plushie... figures?​ ​​ ​​​ ​But the Minecraft versions of these dickheads?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Unless we forget all the fangame characters that end up a tad too popular and get lumped into this burning trash fire,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Sorry, Candy, dude. God hates you apparently!​ ​​ ​​​ ​At least with the Fazbear Fanverse Initiative actually getting its own merch as of late,​ ​​ ​​​ ​There are official channels to throw your hard earned bones into to support devs, like Emil Macko, to counteract this garbage.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Look! A fluffy boy.​ ​​ ​​​ ​But, wait, it gets worse...​ ​​ ​​​ ​Masks. MASKS?!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, masks! 'Cause, buddy, there's nothing like breathing in plutonium fumes for an extended period of time!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Mmm, press that shit into my airways, didn't need 'em anyways!​ ​​ ​​​ ​How do these exist?! I feel like I'm living in a nightmare realm!​ ​​ ​​​ ​This is creepypasta material, not a consumer-ready product!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Like, are the kids buying this shit okay? Are they gonna be okay?!​ ​​ ​​​ ​It's one thing to sell tainted plastic under the guise of legitimacy to FNaF fans and have 'em be in the general presence of mercury-ridden bootleg figures,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Then there's using the exact same material to cover their goddamn faces, HELLO?!​ ​​ ​​​ ​...so anyway, Redbubble, right? Or something, gotta love that ripped fan art!​ ​​ ​​​ ​Bootleg FNaF merch! What are we, disgusted? I sure am!​ ​​ ​​​ ​God-damn is there a range in quality here, definitely more than I expected,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But oh, boy, would I still never chance beating the odds, buying any of this shit, ever. Intentionally.​ ​​ ​​​ ​But as we've come to learn, you get what you get with cheap, unlicensed FNaF merchandise,​ ​​ ​​​ ​'Cause, hey, in addition to just being an affordable option for people...​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yep! Otherwise, you never know where what you're getting's being sourced, general product quality and safety's always a concern,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Most of the time, designs reference, copy, or straight up steal fan designs both in product and packaging,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Half the time this shit looks like crap anyway!​ ​​ ​​​ ​And in the rare cases where there are some genuinely good bootleg offerings,​ ​​ ​​​ ​More often than not, it's usually outdone by licensed merchandise in one way or another.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Okay, usually is a strong word here, but--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Okay, I'd argue most of the bootleg world is at least overshadowed by tested and officially designed junk at the very least.​ ​​ ​​​ ​You know, despite how cool heavy metal poisoning is.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Oh, what, you're not a fan of that?​ ​​ ​​​ ​Oh, okay, well if that's such an issue just keep away from any drop ship site that isn't regulated, Amazon, or eBay.​ ​​ ​​​ ​Okay, so even if Amazon and eBay aren't the best--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Hell, they're better than most other drop shipping sites,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Like, yeah, you search for cheap FNaF figures on AliExpress and they'll sure as Hell give 'em to you!​ ​​ ​​​ ​But there are trusted, official sources like Amazon for legitimate offerings,​ ​​ ​​​ ​If sites like Sanshee or Hex are all but sold out or too expensive--​ ​​ ​​​ ​Oh, nevermind, that's a bootleg listing that made national headlines for containing a slur...​ ​​ ​​​ ​Which wouldn't be the worst thing this franchise had become infamous for, hey-o!​ ​​ ​​​ ​But, you know, if you love saving cash, hate yourself, and strive to further the betterment of unregulated criminal activity,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Bootleg shit isn't that bad,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Like, yeah, compared to the real thing, a bootleg could ooze lead, literally fall apart at the seams, and come without any redeeming play features,​ ​​ ​​​ ​But it's only a few bucks and I really gotta pay off the removal dude to get rid of her, heh,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Yeah, I'm gonna be so financially indifferent after this, just you wait!​ ​​ ​​​ ​[Clock ticking]​ ​​ ​​​ ​TOASTER: Hey, Gomo-Teeon..?​ ​​ ​​​ ​GOMOTION: Oh, it's uh, first name Gomo last name Tion,​ ​​ ​​​ ​Oh, uh, yeah, I ordered an inanimate bootleg figure of myself, what gives?​ ​​ ​​​ ​TOASTER: Ma'am, I believe what you ordered is alive, and also a shape-shifter.​ ​​ ​​​ ​GOMOTION: Oh, well, I thought this was normal!​ ​​ ​​​ ​TOASTER: That's what I'm saying!​ ​​ ​​ ​GOMOTION: Yeah!​ ​​
Info
Channel: gomotion
Views: 139,229
Rating: undefined out of 5
Keywords: gomotion, go motion, fnaf merch, five nights at freddys, bootleg merch, bootleg fnaf merch, mexican bootleg, funko, fnaf toy, funko fnaf, sanshee, fnaf plush
Id: LHrelrsKkjs
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 23min 34sec (1414 seconds)
Published: Fri Jan 12 2024
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