The Art of Negotiation | Maria Ploumaki | TEDxYouth@Zurich

I did math for the first time when I was four years old and I used to think I used to see the world with numbers and figures and he used to think that everyone else sees the world that I like I did however I noticed quite soon that every single one of us sees the world through a different lens it's not better or worse it's just different now spend more than two decades analyzing what make people take decisions and today I will give you the three elements and three tips three pieces of advice that influence the decision-making process and negotiations but first I'll start with a story line my family we used to have some uncommon pets especially my grandfather so that's me with a baby buck now backs when they grow older they look a little bit different and they get some interesting horns so my father was asked to take the back and put him in the barn now my father knows absolutely nothing about such animals he's an electronics engineer his Greece's champion in golf and he's never dealt with them so he tries to push the back in the barn and of course the back is resisting so then he thought it would be a brilliant idea he grabbed him by the horns and tried to push him in so the buck resisted he lowered his head he overthrew my father on the air and he landed him flat on the ground so then my mother comes in and she takes the back by the bar by their beard and gently leads him in the barn what my father did not know is that backs have one sensitive point and that's a beard every negotiation is a different animal it's not the strongest it's not a smart test or the most experienced one that wins it always depends it depends on the sixth in the situation timing and circumstances as me mentioned in his book soft power in order to understand who holds the high cards you need to know what kind of game you're playing and how the value of these cards may be changing now I see negotiations as a combination lock as a three-digit combination lock with rotating dials the first rotating dial is logic then emotions and repetition user is totally said 3,000 years ago its ethos logos and pathos so let's start with logic logic is the facts the numbers the reasoning process and we think that if we stick to the facts it will help make things clearer so that people will be able to understand and accept us better our position however remember perception can change the way people see things now this is a red apple it's an undisputed truth however to a Christian it symbolizes the original sin to a mother it is a healthy snack and to a young girl it's a fruit snow-white aid before going to magic sleep so we no longer see an apple we see a scene a choice and a dream depending who's looking at it and what our expectations are people tend to make decisions not so much with how what they think but based on how they feel and going to the emotions part emotions are made by culture by gender and by perception on gender alone Brizendine wrote on her book the female brain that women have 11% more neurons in their brain function for language and thinking than men do however men respond more physically to their environment than women do if you say the word run the muscles on a man's legs will actually twitch now on culture in Finland you're expected to go to the sounded together and drink alcohol by drinking alcohol you prove your integrity because it's difficult to pretend when drinking now in Japan on the other hand here he is very well defined so it's either shown in the way people are sitting in a train wagon and this is how respect the show this is how it's this is why it is so important to always understand social context and there was one man who was excellent in doing this Nelson Mandela created a long lasting reputation he said that if you speak to a man in a language he understands you speak to his head if you speak to him in his language you speak to his heart when he was in prison he did not only study the law but he'll do studied Africans which was the language of his guards and white South Africans and the reason he did this is because he understood that effect change facts would not be enough he would need to reach the heart of his enemies as well as his followers now Nelson Mandela created the long-lasting reputation that we all know up to this day when I was in Oxford my professor Timothy Morris referred to reputation as the gap between expectations and experience and he created a reputation j-curve which is in essence a parabola what it shows is that more repetition brings more reputation so repetition is in essence a long-term investment with a compounding effect it starts with a low return and by continuing to invest in it we accumulate a vast amount over time which we can turn into goodwill so we'll give you three tips of how to invest in negotiations the first one is expect the unexpected as tempting as it is to rely on past experience techniques or even advice every negotiation will be different there will be surprises some months ago I was facing a very difficult situation and I was discussing with a friend of mine where I told her I can never be sure even when things look absolutely positive this is the most dangerous moment the moment you feel comfortable is the moment you're in trouble because you stopped developing and you create a blind spot the reason I picked this image is because Reed's are brilliantly made they have this elastic structure that helps them bend no matter how hard and it switched in which direction the wind blows and when the wind has passed there immediately bouncing back then be not rigid helps and not break and always being able to be there and to bounce back so by implementing this rule even though sometimes I have been surprised have never been left without options because I have considered this possibility along with every other now the second advice is be tough to the cause be kind to the people one of my mentors in the u.s. Jeff says that if you have one person believing in you you can change the world and Mayan Galu who is the mentor of Oprah said that people will forget what he said they will forget what you did but they will never forget how you made them feel let's not confuse facts with people many classical economic theories consider humans are purely logical decision makers and what the support is that purely rational self-serving decision-making leads to the best possible results however as demonstrated by the prisoner's dilemma in competitive scenarios this is patently false cooperation and furthermore anticipating cooperation leads to far better results for everyone than predicted by the Nash equilibrium now give you a story it was a coincidence that I heard the similar story last week for the same problem for two different companies in the first company both companies were facing a difficult problem in the scene the first company the manager was treating the employees poorly and he was not communicating the problems enough and he was giving all the negative sentiments that he had and one of his employees left she went a different company and she had a brilliant career some years later this manager lost his job and he went back to her to ask for help to connect for an opportunity known the other company the manager communicated everything early enough and he tried to help his employees go through a transition phase and to LeAnn's with everything that he could do to make their life easier and better and the surprising effect was that when one of his employees left to go to another company he told him you know what I like you there is a new position in my new company and if you'd like you could also join and that's exactly the beauty of cooperation it takes us out of our four walls and it gives us access to more dimensions now every negotiation has evolved into a series of discussions and mediations between the same or similar stakeholders which is in essence relationship management where every action will bring a reaction and this is my third and final bit of advice always act never react a friend of mine a couple of years ago was discussing with an investor about a social entrepreneurship project that he was leading and the investor replied that the project was not disruptive now the moment he heard it he immediately started defending himself and his projects and trying to convince him just how disruptive the project was when in essence the selling point was the immense social impact that would generate in a country that lacks and the preneur ship and business development but the moment he got one negative reply he became defensive he lost his focus and he was not able to think clearly when you find yourself in a defensive position always take on and reposition yourself imagine it like you're walking toward the destination we're going there and someone comes from the side and pushes you and immediately you lose balance and if you continue you will start going somewhere else what you should do is at the moment that this happens you should stop stay calm and reposition yourself continuing towards your target it is like you give to someone a remote control and they can push all of your buttons and they can show and have one level down in creativity or two levels up in being upset take the remote control away from them all your buttons so you cannot be pushed what people do is their choice how you react to their actions is your choice you will be dealing with negotiations in every aspect of your life from personal to professional from salary and sales to the social environment now remember expect the unexpected be tough to the cause be kind to the people and always act never react thank you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 494,641

Rating: 4.5409226 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Switzerland, Business, Debate, Entrepreneurship, Exploration, Women in business

Id: pjlPgJ1wBdM

Length: 14min 5sec (845 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 20 2015