How to Have Your Cake & Negotiate Too | Ashley Paré | TEDxBeaconStreet

I want the biggest piece that was me at my sixth birthday party boldly telling my family and friends that I wanted the biggest piece of my chocolate birthday cake fast forward 20 years later and I'm living and working in New York City and what I thought was my dream job in global human resources I finally had a seat at the table after a decade of consulting leaders on things like hiring performance management and pay I knew that first day I walked into my new office that I had made it I was literally on top of the world on the outside everything looked perfect but in reality I was struggling to get the recognition I deserve for my results I knew that I was overworked and underpaid because I had HR inside our knowledge of salary and market data yet despite this information I didn't speak up to ask to be paid fairly and competitively because I was scared my self-doubt left me feeling resentful frustrated and even said one day I came across that old home video of my sixth birthday party and I watched in awe as that little girl bravely told her guests she'd be having the biggest piece what really struck me in that moment was this she knew exactly what she wanted and she wasn't afraid to say it I could hardly recognize that little girl in me she had something I'd lost along the way confidence and clarity and I wanted it back a few weeks later I got a LinkedIn message from the holy grail of tech companies about a potential new job offer after one phone call and a quick look at my resume that company was willing to pay me 30 to $40,000 more than I was making I couldn't believe that a company that didn't know me was already willing to pay more for a role with less responsibilities that lit a fire under me I wanted to be paid fairly and recognized for my contribution in my current job and I wanted a raise so I channeled that little girl in me and I went for it I decided to use the same negotiation tactic I had seen the men in my company successfully used and their asks so I went to my boss and I said I've been contacted by another organization and they're really interested in hiring me but I'd actually like to stay here I'd like to be considered for a raise and while I had seen and even approved many twenty to thirty percent raises for other employees who use the same approach most of which were men the answer I received was no I was rejected I was heartbroken and I was angry did I miss a step what else could I have done I didn't understand and what hurt the most and maybe you've experienced this in your career was feeling unseen from my hard work and results I knew that if this could happen to me someone who had all these advantages it could happen to anyone and I don't want you to feel the way I did I want you to have the biggest piece so in the end I quit my dream job you may think having market data and negotiation is power and yes that is true but it's not enough it is not enough what I learned from that difficult experience changed my life and it was this the same negotiation tactics don't work for everyone and finding the right negotiation tool for you starts with understanding and believing in your worth for the first time I truly understood that in our society women and non-binary people of all ages and races are perceived differently by men and women for negotiating data shows that women face the prove it first or over perform hurdle to advance whereas men are more likely to be promoted based on potential in 2018 the Harvard Business Review found that men and women asked at about the same rate but women are getting yeses less despite legislation that's been in place for years for example the Equal Pay Act was signed into effect by President John F Kennedy in 1963 and because that didn't get the job done even more recently Massachusetts and other cities and states have passed additional equal pay legislation to reinforce and expand on current law in spite of these efforts women and marginalized people still face resistance and pushback in pay and leadership advancement and that is exactly why I do the work I do today so I want to know when was the last time you asked for what you wanted for some of us it may have been too long ago what I want to share with you is how you can reclaim your childlike boldness that allows you to ask for whatever it is you want Equal Pay cheaper rent or even that piece of cake however I'm not going to share the classic negotiation tactics you may have heard before even though those are important but I'm going to share three strategies that will allow you to lay a foundation for a confident and successful ask when we think about our careers today and our worth what we tip do as we cross our fingers and we say dear company please assess my value and we do that before we've even assessed it for ourselves so how do you do that first evaluate your self-worth what is it that you truly want get specific about your ask how much buy when dig even deeper notice how you talk to yourself about yourself you have to be your biggest advocate by doing my inner work I realized that before I got that phone call my self-doubt left me feeling and wondering if I was truly worth more the truth is you have to believe you deserve what you are asking for before you expect anyone else to show up for you next get clear on your value and worth to your organization which is your contribution and results and your technical and soft skills ask yourself what would your company struggle to replace if you quit tomorrow what would your boss have to look really hard to find to fill your shoes when you are clear on your worth to an organization you can untangle your self-worth as a human being from your company's evaluation of you because you are priceless as an example I was the HR business partner at a tech company and the executive assistant and office manager took a week off for vacation while the office fell apart the kitchen was a disaster no one knew how to handle travel or visitors it was chaos that company truly recognized how many hats she wore when she was gone a few months later she successfully negotiated for a raise it was clear her work played a vital part in enabling employees and man to reach their business goals so no matter what your role is your work matters lastly notice if you have any fear we all experience fear in some way but the choice is yours do you let it hold you back or do you harness it to push you forward as I reflected on what held me back from speaking up before I got that phone call it was a fear of potential negative consequences I was afraid I'd be rejected and maybe even worse I'd be disliked I was emotionally attached to the outcome of my ask and for a long time I didn't do anything because I wasn't willing to walk away the last strategy is this you are ready to negotiate when you are willing to walk away when I got clear and confident on my worth I negotiated from a place of empowerment rather than fear because I was finally willing to walk away I made my ask and when it didn't work out I took action I found a new job and I even started my own business the people I've worked with have seen $25,000 raises $35,000 promotions new job offers and even started their own new businesses by implementing these strategies and the best part is you're actually more likely to get what you want when you own your worth in the end negotiating and asking for what you want may involve risk but I believe it's worth it I believe you are worth it today I am grateful for my experience because I recognized more of that little girl in me today and I know should be proud of the woman I've become so it strikes me today as I stand here at the John F Kennedy Presidential Library that despite JFK's well intentioned legislation passed over 50 years ago we still have a long way to go so I'll leave you with this ask not what your company can do for you ask what you do for your company thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 6,802

Rating: 4.8620691 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Business, Activism, Gender, Leadership, Money, Personal growth, Women in business

Id: iOE3VN_3PME

Length: 11min 46sec (706 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 17 2018