Hi, my name is Mark. You know, there's a lot of One Direction fanfiction out there, but it seems like all the stuff I've read is written by girls. Which is great, you know, I'm not knocking girls. They're... girls. But, I just thought it was about time there was some 1D fanfic written by a dude. Which I'm one. Dude. So, that's what i did. And then I animated it. Good morning, ya'll ready to order? >> LIAM: I'll have the French toast, please. >> LOUIS: I'll have the sausage biscuit, please. >> HARRY: I'll have the tacos, please. >> Harry! >> What? It's my favorite food. >> Tacos are not for breakfast. >> They are now. Introducing "Tac-O's". It's meat, cheese, and lettuce flavored O's in a tortilla bowl. >> That's disgusting. >> It even makes the milk taste like tacos. >> That's even disgustinger. >> That's not even a word. >> ZAYN: Hi guys. >> OTHERS: Hello, Zayn! >> Whoa, new hairdo. >> Yeah, what you think? >> It's, uh... >> It's quite steep... Bit like a ski jump. Which I guess is what you were going for? [watch rings] >> PSYMON: 1D, come in, 1D. >> Oh, look, a call from Psymon. >> It's an emergency, boys. Report to 1D HQ, ASAP. >> No time for breakfast, lads. The world needs our help. ["Save You Tonight" by One Direction]
♪ I ♪ ♪ I wanna save ya ♪♪ >> PSYMON: One Direction, thank goodness you're here. >> What seems to be the trouble, Psymon? >> It doesn't look good, boys. >> What doesn't look good? Oh, Zayn's new hairdo? >> Niall!
>> Ha ha ha, what? >> I will mess you up. >> Mess me up? Oh, like your hairdresser messed up your hair? >> Oh, it is on. >> Ooh, you, oh, ow...
>> Ow. Stop-- >> It's on like Donkey Kong. >> What? >> Boys! Boys! The world is in an hour of need. We cannot afford this squabble-le-le-lry. >> Why? What's up, Psymon? >> Yeah, what's up? Besides Zayn's hair, 'cause that's really up, isn't it? [chuckles] It's like "woosh." >> Ooh, ow, you-- Ow...
>> Ow. Stop--- >> Reports are coming in all over town. Pussycats are going missing by the thousands. >> Oh, no. What a catastrophe! Or, should I say "cat-tastrophe?" Ooh! >> No. You shouldn't. We just need to get out there and people find their pussycats. >> It may not be as simple as that. We have reason to believe Lord Faptaguise is behind this. >> ALL: Lord Faptaguise?! >> But we defeated him in the battle of Zandalor. >> Well, he's back. And we all know how much Lord Faptaguise hates pussycats. >> So, the pussycats didn't just go missing, they've been kidnapped. Or, should I say "cat-napped?" Cat... Cat-nipped? Yeah? Ooh! >> No.
>> [High-pitched] Sorry. >> So, where is Lord Faptaguise? >> His dreaded tank fortress, the Wrath-o-sphere has been sighted on the outskirts of town. >> Mmm, skirts... >> Heading east. >> Towards the dimensional gate! >> PSYMON: Yes. We must act swiftly. If the Wrath-o-sphere escapes to another dimension with the pussycats on board, We will never see them again. >> So, what's the plan? >> Liam, Niall, and Zayn, >> you three must infiltrate the Wrath-o-sphere and find your way to the control room. It, no doubt, will be heavily guarded, by guards. Niall and Zayn, you must eliminate them, allowing Liam to gain access to the control room. >> Easy.
>> Piece of pudding. >> What? >> Liam, once inside the control room, you must hack into the security terminal and open the prison cell doors. >> Hey, I am on it like Donkey Kong-it. >> What? >> No, wait. What? Just open the cell doors? But who's going to round up all the pussycats and get them out of there? >> Yes, all the pussies. That's where you come in, Harry. >> You're telling me. >> You must go deep into the Marmitian Swamp and seek the help of an old knight named Paul. He will teach you the ancient art of retrieving pussycats. >> I don't need help. I can do it alone. >> No, you can't, Harry. That's why you and Louis will seek out Sir Paul together. Only with teamwork can you save all the pussycats. Including your own. >> Oh, no. Molly! Did they get Molly? >> I thought his name was Dusty. >> Depends which website you read. [door opens] >> Molly? [gasps] Nooooooo.... [bassy] ...Ooooooo... >> Nice!
>> Thanks. But, Faptaguise, he stole my pussycat. Now, it's personal. Or, should I say... "Pussy-nal?" Ooh! [High-pitched] My balls! >> NIALL: Phew! We made it inside the Wrath-o-sphere. >> LIAM: Now to make our way to the control room. >> This place is a maze. How are we gonna find it? >> Easy. Just follow the pipes along the ceiling. >> Duh. It's like you've never been inside a Wrath-o-sphere before. >> Nerds. >> LOUIS: Right. The old knight lives in solitude deep within this swamp. >> He lives alone? So, that makes him... A "stag-knight". >> That's your worst one yet. >> Ooh! >> Now, come along. >> [high-pitched] We've been-- [clears throat] [normal voice] We've been walking for ages. Are you sure we're going in the right direction? >> Well, we're following the map. >> I think we're going the wrong way. >> What, do you think I can't read maps? >> That, or you're holding it wrong. >> What, with my hands? That's how most humans hold things. But, I guess you wouldn't know anything about that. >> What? Are you saying I'm not human? >> I don't know, why don't you ask your four nipples what they think? Maybe those will give you a clue. >> That's it. I'm going this direction. >> Harry, come back. >> We can't go in two directions. We have to go in one direction. >> Not anymore! I can save the pussycats myself. I don't need some old kinght to help me. And I certainly don't need you. >> Fine! >> Fine! >> Fine! >> Fine! >> Fine! Fine! Fine! Fine! Fine!
>> Fine! Fine! Fine! Fine! Fine! >> Fine. You tetrad titted tosser. >> ZAYN: Whoa. Those guards look dangerous. I'm not so sure we can take them out. >> Maybe you and Niall can distract them. You know, like, dress up as hot girls or something. I mean, at least that works in cartoons. What do you think, Niall? >> Already there. Hey there, big boys. >> GUARD 1: Whoa, check it out. >> GUARD 2: Hubba, hubba, hubba. >> Nice! I love dudes in skirts. >> HARRY: Humph. Like I need help getting pussycats out of the Wrath-o-sphere. Humph! I've been getting pussycats out of the Wrath-o-sphere since I was a-- Whoa, baby. ♪♪ >> WOMAN IN YELLOW: Hey there, big boy. >> Hello! I'm Harry! >> APRIL: April O. Cruischief. I'm a news reporter. I am doing a story on the missing pussycats. >> Oh, I'm-- I'm gonna save them. >> You are? Oh, you must be very brave. >> Mm-hmm. I'm brave. >> Well, it sounds like we could help each other out. I would love to exchange fluids-- [giggles] I mean, information. Perhaps over dinner? >> Okay. >> How about some... tacos? >> Okay. >> Okay, this must be it. [door creaking slowly] >> SHADOWED FIGURE: Who goes there? >> It is I, Louis, of One Direction. Greetings. >> SIR PAUL: I am Sir Paul, of The Beatles. >> [gasps] And wings! >> Ehh... The Beatles. >> Well, I am in need of your help, Sir Paul. Pussycats all over the land have been captured, And legend has it that you hold the key to retrieving them. >> Ahh, I know what you are looking for. Now that I haven't used in a long time. A long time. >> What? What is it? >> What you seek is the pussy magnet. Behold. >> Nice! So, how do you turn it on? >> One does not simply turn on a pussy magnet. It is activated by a series of tones. You know, like the key in the He-Man movie. Allow me to demonstrate. ♪ Well, she was just 17 ♪ ♪ You know what I mean ♪ ♪ And the-- ♪
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Paul, what do you mean? >> I don't know, John wrote that bit. ♪ And the way she looked ♪ ♪ Was way beyond compare ♪
[Humming, beeping] ♪ So, how could I dance with another ♪ ♪ Whoo! ♪♪ [zapping] [cat meows] >> Whoa, that really works! >> Hitting the high note at the end is the key. >> Well, I'll try. Though, I bet Harry could hit it. >> Harry? Is he a friend of your's? >> Yeah. Or, we used to be. We had a bit of a falling out. >> Well, you know you can't pull this off on your own. It's like I've always said: "I get by with a little help from my friends." >> I thought that song was about drugs, though.
>> Shh! >> Don't speak, Harry. Don't speak. >> But, I'm crazy about you. >> I know, Harry, but I must order now. Three tacos, please. >> EMPLOYEE: Hard or soft shell? >> What do you think, Harry? >> Hard. A good shell is hard to find, And a hard shell is good to find. >> Oh, Harry, you always know what to say. >> Hey, tacos are my favourite food. But you know, I've never been to a Taco Bell before. >> You mean... this is your first time? >> Mm-hmm. >> Then, you really must try the Nacho BellGrande. >> Well, one Nacho BellGrande, please. Hey, what do you call a BellGrande that isn't your's? Nacho BellGrande! Ooh! >> Can we get those tacos to go, please? We have a date-- At the Wrath-o-sphere! >> So, you two from around here? >> Oh, no. I'm from Ireland. And Zayn is from a wee little town in England called... Dumb-hair-shire. >> Niall! I will slap you silly. >> Bring it. >> Ow, ooh, stop--
>> You-- Ow-- That-- >> Hey!
>> Uh-oh. >> You're not cross-dressers, You're just dressed up like cross-dressers. >> Uh, Zayn? >> Yeah, Niall? >> Run! >> Seize them! >> Zayn, here, let's take this elevator. >> BOTH: Aah! Oof! >> The garbage chute. Really wonderful idea. [inhales] >> What an incredible smell you've discovered. >> Don't be a c[bleep]t. >> This is a Unix system, I know this. I should be able to override the security system to open up the prison doors and let those pussycats loose. Yes! Oh, I'll open that door like Donkey Kong 64. Louis, Harry, the prison doors are open. It's up to you know to save the pussycats. And make it fast.
>> GUARD: [cocks weapon] Not so fast. You, take pretty boy here down to the Torturiitorium for a nice acid bath. I'm sure Lord Faptaguise would enjoy seeing you burned alive to death. Take him away. And you, close the prison doors. >> Dude, this is a Unix system. I don't know this. ♪♪ >> Well, if it isn't Liam.
>> It is. >> Of One Direction. >> It is Liam of One Direction. >> Well, not for long. >> Oh, for long, and longer. You'll never dip me in a pit of acid, Faptaguise. I have powerful friends. >> Ha! You mean like this one? >> Harry!
>> Liam! >> Well, if it isn't Harry? >> BOTH: It is. >> Well done, May. >> May? I thought your name was June. >> April.
>> Whatever. >> Yes, it's true. My name is May. >> And I am Lord Faptaguise's henchwoman sent to capture you. >> You liar! >> No, I really do work for him. >> No, I don't mean you lying right now, I just mean, you know, generally. >> Oh, okay. >> Okay. >> Okay, tie him up and hang him from the ceiling as well. He and his friend can burn in the pit of acid together. Oh, but frisk him first, make sure he doesn't-- Well, actually, let me do it. [chuckling sinisterly] >> Ohh, "fap-to-guys." I just now got that. >> Any weapons on him? >> No, just this taco. Dispose of this. >> Yes, my lord. >> But, I bought that for him. >> Shut up, May. No one likes you. >> Oh, I am now beginning to question my allegiance. I am a villan, But Harry is so sweet, and Faptaguise is a total jerk-face. I'm so confused. >> No! >> You hear that? Sounds like Liam and Harry are in trouble. You hear that? >> Ooh, yummy. I haven't eaten all day. [coughs] >> You hear that? [something blows] [hacks, spits] [door closes] >> Well, I'm not eating that.
>> Yeah, I hear that. >> Lower them in! Now, you will meet your doom. And once the Wrath-o-sphere passes through the dimensional gate, Earth will never see it's precious little pussycats again. [glass shatters] >> I don't think so! >> Louis!
>> Harry! >> Louis!
>> Liam! >> Louis. >> Who are you? >> May.
>> May! >> Louis! >> Har-- Hey! You already got one. >> Hmph. >> [sighs] Harry! >> And as for me, I got... a pussy magnet. >> BOTH: Yes! >> BOTH: No! >> Maybe I am questioning my allegiance. I am so confused. >> Here goes. [clears throat] ♪ Well, she was just 17 ♪ ♪ You know what I mean ♪ ♪ And the way she looked ♪ ♪ Was way beyond compare ♪
[hums, beeps] ♪ So, how could I dance with another ♪ [voice weakens] Whoo, whoo, whoo.
[buzzer] I can't hit that high note. [weakly] Whoo.
>> Seize him! [yelps] >> No! >> Man, they really need our help up there. >> But the only way out is up. How do we get up there? >> Well, there's this old skateboard here, And I could pick up some speed going down this hill of rubbish. If only we had some sort of ramp. [bell dings] >> What? >> Ready? >> Yeah. >> One... Two... Three! Whoa!
>> What the? >> Harry! Catch! [gulp] [Popeye theme playing] >> Aaugh! >> Thanks, Harry.
>> No sweat. >> Now, how do your work this pussy magnet? >> It's supposed to be activated by a series of tones. Hitting the high note at the end is the key. But if anyone could do it, Harry, you can. >> Aww, Louis... >> I mean it. >> And I mean it when I say: ["Gotta Be You" by One Direction]
♪ Can we fall one more time ♪ ♪ Stop the tape ♪ ♪ And rewind ♪
[Humming, beeping] ♪ Oh, and if you walk... ♪ >> Harry, I think it's working. Keep going! ♪ ...I know I'll fade ♪ ♪ 'Cause there is nobody else, it's gotta be-- ♪ [song stops] You! You!
[buzzer] [Clears throat] Y-y-you! >> Oh, no, Harry! You almost had it. >> I can't hit that high note. >> Ha ha! You have failed. The pussycats are mine! >> Louis, hit me in the balls! >> What?
>> Hit me in the balls. >> No, Harry-- >> I can't be a pussy magnet without you. Hit me in the balls. >> Harry, I only hit you in the balls when you deserve it. You know, like when you make an awful pun or something. >> Hey, what do you call a Spanish toilet that weighs 2,000 pounds? El Ton John. [song resumes]
♪ You... ♪ [zaps] >> Harry, it's working! ♪ Only you... ♪ [purrs, meows] ♪ You... ♪♪ >> Harry, you did it! >> We did it. >> Niall, get Liam down and let's get out of here. [weapon cocks]
>> FAPTAGUISE: I don't think so. [gasps] >> April! >> May.
>> May. You did that for me? >> Yes, I had to. Once you go Harry, you don't go... You, you don't... You don't go... >> Well, you work on that. Bye.
>> Bye. >> By George, we did it, lads. >> And Harry, you really hit that high note. Didn't he, Molly? >> Dusty. And I couldn't have gotten that high without you. If there's one thing I've learned, It's that I get high with a little help from my friends. >> OTHERS: Awww. >> I thought that song was about drugs, though. >> Shh! Ah-choo! >> Are you coming down with something? [sniffles] Yeah, I think it was that taco. >> Oh, yeah, someone's snot rag was all over that taco, plus it was on a pile of rubbish. There's no telling what you'll come down with. >> More like one infection. [laughs]
[HARRY laughs, then groans] ♪ Ba-bum, do, do, do ♪ ♪ You don't know you're beautiful ♪ ♪ Do, do, do ♪ ♪ And that's what makes you beautiful ♪ ♪ Do, do, do ♪ ♪ But now you know you're beautiful ♪ ♪ Do, do, do ♪ ♪ So, you're no longer beautiful. Yeah ♪♪ Hello?
The Harry impression is spot-on.
Poor Zayn. He'll never get out.
That was amazing.
Mark is my idol.
I LOVE THIS! like for reals. ohmygosh sir paul from the beatles! haha woke up to my dad blasting i saw her standing there on my 17th birthday. great combo of some of my favorite things.
http://i.imgur.com/Xkux3.jpg
This got me into One Direction. XD