The 4 Types Of Dismissive Avoidants | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Explained

[Music] hi my name is heidi skibson and i'm the co-owner and creator of the personal development school this is your daily breakthrough video and in this video i'm going to discuss the four main different types of dismissive avoidant attachment styles so this is a question i've been receiving a lot um from inside of the school specifically but also different comments on the youtube channel because i know i've mentioned this in passing before so what i figured i would do is take you through the four different types of dismissible board and attachment styles and talk a little bit at a high level there's a lot of information about this inside of the school in terms of um actual reprogramming these different elements that can appear within the dismiss of avoidant um but i'm going to talk a little bit at a high level about the different types and how they can sort of manifest um in a relationship okay so like basically how their their personality is likely to present itself within a relationship dynamic so before i dive in a quick reminder um we're still doing our community sale right now the coupon code is with you all one word for 25 off of our membership bundles and in our membership bundles um we you get access to our live chat discord channel you get access to our members forum where people um sort of support one another on the personal development journey you get access to four live webinars a week where i answer your questions live um and you also get access to all of our 30 plus previously recorded courses we add two new ones every single month as well as our 150 or so past webinars about a whole large variety of different topics and every single course comes with a workbook um with reprogramming activities and tools and strategies and we have a tremendous amount of people inside of the school right now emailing us or writing in the facebook forum or in our member's launch about how they're becoming secure and and this stuff is really really working and i would say too and i'll get into the video in just a moment but i would say as well one of the benefits of like doing the programs is that you made yourself secure like you get all this assistance and support and community but you make yourself secure so there's really no going back like once you understand the tools inside out and apply them it's very difficult to start retracting um and so there's a really strong permanence to this type of change and especially obviously because we engage the subconscious mind in the process which is the whole point and a large part of the reason i started the school in the first place was about how change must engage the subconscious otherwise it can't really take place at a conscious level and be as permanent so let's talk about the four different types of dismissive avoidance and i'll put a link for the coupon code in the description box below and on this video and we're launching the um lifetime memberships as well um that are super discounted for our launch month before our one year anniversary october 2nd so let's talk about it so first and foremost um there are there tend to be four major types of dismissal avoidance and i'm leaving out like that this does not include fearful avoidance fleeing dismissal or dismiss avoidance leading fearful um maybe i'll talk about that a little bit in the fa version of this video but um there are different ways of basically understanding um what i just like if somebody's a dismiss avoidant upon meeting them because sometimes it can be hard to recognize so the four key dismiss of avoidance or like versions of dismissal avoidance are number one are extroverted or social dismissive avoidance so it's interesting because these individuals can be very extroverted they often love being around people and they tend to derive a lot from their social connections and social relationships usually they have a high personality need around social connection now notice that i'm using the word social connection not emotional connection and this is where the the major differences so something you'll see in this individual is that um you'll see them start to sort of pull away or shift away when others are getting too close or vulnerable and they have a tendency to avoid deep conversations so this is the person you might see as a bit of a social butterfly um at different gatherings and not necessarily with like so much warmth and outgoingness um but just feeling very empowered really enjoying social situations sort of um flitting in a way from person to person not staying too long with any person and having a tendency to pull away if there are any emotionally charged or deeper conversations so these are sort of like the floaters in the room um and they often feel really empowered in their ability to to show up at social gatherings and and to sort of build social relationships and it can be harder to recognize this type of dismissive avoidance because they can come across they don't necessarily come across as like very warm but definitely like lukewarm definitely not cold and that's one thing that sets them apart from some of our traditional dismiss of avoidance which we'll talk about in just a moment um so if you if you pay close attention you'll often see that this individual like as soon as you get too close there's a bit of a wall and they deflect or they avoid sort of the deeper conversations or they're they won't often have a deep sit down in terms of like personal deep conversations they might have deep conversations about their opinions but when it comes to emotions what you're feeling what your emotional experience is how your day is things that are happening in your life at the emotional level or theirs you'll see that there's a tendency to sort of divert or deflect and so this is a good way of recognizing um the extroverted or social da and another thing that's important to to note here is these individuals you know are often very sweet and sometimes we'll see like the the manifestation of them in terms of meaning like the expression of them and their personality in a relationship um even in like their friendships or family relationships as as not understanding why people are like taking things so seriously reacting so strong emotionally um sometimes not recognizing that they are of a dismissive avoidant attachment style that their emotions might be a little bit repressed but more so um sort of being in a in a position where they're like why is why are people so reactive like why don't they have a hold on their emotions and sort of almost not in like a judgmental way but in an almost confused or bewildered manner um wondering why other people seem so emotionally dysregulated and and not noticing that they sometimes can have a cap on their emotions and these individuals as well are privately very sensitive to criticism um out of all the dismissive avoidance um because they have such a strong need for connection in just a different form when it comes to feeling criticized by others it can be very very painful for them even though they might not they may have a very strong um cover over that you might not notice it um and these individuals as well they tend to be quite likely to work on themselves in terms of like recognizing their dismissive award and if they get that information um but but usually in specific contexts so often they'll be really interested in working on themselves if they have like a community that's working on themselves or if they are in a position where they have somebody helping them sort of supporting them through the process but they feel like there's a support system and also if they feel like they take to the person um this is another really important part if they feel a little bit of just you know lack of trust or if they feel any sort of resistance to the person that's supposed to be supporting them in their journey they'll be out of there and they can be quite flighty so that's one of our major types of dismissive avoidance um another really important part of dismiss avoidance and i might make like a full separate video about this is our and mesh dismiss of avoidance and if anything i call this our master people pleasing dismissive avoidance and they show up very uniquely in relationships they show up in a way where they um will be very they can be very people pleasing oh let me tell you the context first so first and foremost this would be characterized by primary emotional neglect and secondary enmeshment versus with a fearful avoidant we might see primary enmeshment volatility and then emotional neglect is sort of a tertiary mode in one's upbringing versus dismissive ones you're going to see primary emotional neglect secondary enmeshment and less volatility within that enmeashment um compared to somebody who might be fearful of voiding for example so i like to call this indirected measurement so this can be in becoming a mesh with a caregiver because of things like overhearing that that caregiver is in pain not having that caregiver directly dump on the child for example and again this can manifest later in our lives and in our adult relationships things like this as well under specific circumstances but i'm just going to use the childhood example as a reference so it could be that you hear your caregiver for example say that they're depressed or anxious or um you know that the the other parent is is you know cheating or you know not there or things like this where they're taking on the caregivers feelings not because of the caregiver dumping directly but because they're noticing and picking up a lot of these things um there can be minor emotional dumping dumping but you won't see as much of a caregiver relying on so again just to like really clarify that it's sort of like primary emotional neglect secondary enmeshment with minor emotional dumping in some form or in direct enmeshment through overhearing or noticing different dynamics but often this this dismissal individual is pretty good at staying out of conflict in the home it can also be a dismissal in a home where older siblings are taking on some of the the enmeshment a little bit more so and they have that more indirect version because they have that buffer of older siblings so this would be our people-pleasing um dismissive avoidance and this person in a relationship and again this is worth its own entire video they will be very caring very um really paying attention to detail very practical very aware of other people's feelings quite a bit of an empath but they will also experience a lot of resistance if they feel like things are being put on them emotionally that they don't feel comfortable with and they can really shut down and their their knee-jerk reaction to sort of push away or pull back into themselves can even be stronger than some of our other types of dismissive avoidance so it's important to note um so our next our third main type of dismissal avoidance are traditional dismissal voiding so these are our typical dismiss of avoidance a lot of these things that we tend to cover on the channel without those nuanced parts of either being social or in master people pleasing these are the typical characteristics that you see often reported in like john bolby's work um because largely he's talking about the child caregiver relationship as well so you'll see like slow to warm up um often a bit standoffish at first um sometimes these individuals will think they had like an ideal an idyllic childhood um but there can be like these undertones of emotional neglect um and so you know that that can be easily overlooked you might see that this individual is a little bit um charming and and open and and warm to a certain degree in the dating phase of a relationship but as soon as the the vulnerability is required to take place or as soon as the commitment comes up that's when you'll see those traditional like pullback patterns needing to keep space really valuing their time alone um and then again talking more and thinking as opposed to feeling being more practical analytical and and repressed in the relationship to their emotions and then we have our more you know we could call them the extreme das or our stronger da's and these are individuals who tend to be very close to relationships right from the beginning so they carry all of those qualities of our traditional dismiss of avoidance the slow to warm up blunt a little bit standoffish at times um but then they can actively be advocating against vulnerability against emotional expression against relationships be very uncomfortable discussing feelings to the point where it's awkward for somebody else um be going out of their way to avoid situations that that involve emotional expression or vulnerability and they can also be um and they can be sweet they're usually you know they they mean well they they empathize with people like as their character but then when you bring them in relationships or or potential relationship dynamics of course they can be um you know hurtful to others at different times without consciously meaning to be because their fears are running their behaviors and actions and so you'll see a lot of these individuals often out of relationships for very long periods of time 10 15 20 years sometimes five years long segments of life um and they tend to be very opposed to to working on themselves and doing a deep dive into you know uncovering things even if they were to find out that they um are in fact dismissal avoidance and it doesn't mean that they can't or it's not possible by any means but usually a lot of their personality has been built around a lot of their egos mechanisms to protect themselves have been built around avoiding the very things that would be required to heal this style in and of itself um so this is the the main type you'd see be most adverse and probably as a general rule though i don't want to be too stereotypical um least likely to to do the deep dive into the work so these are our four main types of dismissal avoidance um there's so much more we could say about each we have like a lot of um deep information in terms of reprogramming all of this in our intro and especially advanced dismissal avoidant attachment style courses where we go through each of the six stages of a relationship so you can always tune in there as well and that's it for today in this video thank you so much for watching and for being here please like share and subscribe if you're getting a lot of value out of this channel and i will see you in the next video you

Channel: The Personal Development School

Views: 141,763

Keywords: personal development school, thais gibson, personal development, mental health, personal growth, self improvement, self growth, self development, avoidant personality, avoidant attachment style, avoidant attachment, dismissive avoidants, dismissive avoidant attachment, dismissive attachment style, da, personal development school dismissive avoidant attachment, thais gibson dismissive avoidant attachment, types of dismissive avoidants, dismissive avoidant types

Id: 2eg4M_m0Acs

Length: 13min 52sec (832 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 17 2020