What if I told you that the cause of much
of your suffering, confusion, anxiety, shame, indecisiveness, bad decision making, regret…
lack of self-discipline, and confidence, and motivation, might be because you simply don’t
love yourself enough? I know it’s a bit of a buzzword. I know it’s vague. Self love, what the hell is that? Why would you care? Self-love, self-respect, self-esteem. They’re all intertwined. In my view, it’s simply about treating yourself
like someone you care deeply about. Someone you’re rooting for. It’s being your own biggest fan. It is knowing, deeply, fully, on an atom level,
that you are deserving of love, respect, of good treatment, of a good life, of happiness… It’s believing that you can be anything. Do anything. Overcome anything. And it has nothing to do with what you have,
where you live, or what you look like… but everything to do with what you are. In here. And up here, I guess. And what you do to make sure that what you
feel here actually aligns with your actions. Now self love isn’t something you accomplish. There’s no finish line. It’s a life-long commitment, just like with
any relationship. But it’s the relationship you have with
yourself, which we tend to focus so little on for some reason, strangely enough, considering
it’s the longest relationship we’ll ever have–it’s from the moment we’re conceived,
until our very last breath. No one will be with you for that long. So I hope that answers the question of why
you should care. Let’s get to the how. 1. Define your moral compass & let it guide you
through life Your moral compass basically tells you what’s
right and what’s wrong; how you should be treated and how you should treat others. It’s your rulebook for life. Now how do you decide what to put in your
rulebook? Where do you even start? Well, you need to ask yourself: What do I
stand for? What do I not stand for? And you figure that out by asking yourself
a ton of questions, by reading, by educating yourself, but also, honestly, by learning. Through real-life experience. By going through things and analysing how
it made you feel and what you'd like to do with that information moving forward. EXAMPLE Person X didn’t take no for an answer
and continued to pressure me for a good 5-10 minutes until they finally gave up. Let’s say it’s a friend who really wants
you to go with them to a party and stay out late. Ask yourself: How did that situation make
me feel? And how would I like to act should a situation
like this occur again? Once you’ve been able to answer that question,
put the answer in your rule book for life. Either physically write it down, or make a
mental note, in all caps. So you might decide that these are the actions
you will take if a similar situation were to occur: Action 1) I will immediately tell them that
they are pressuring me and it’s making me feel uncomfortable. Action 2) If they continue, I will remove
myself from that situation. I won’t care about how that makes my friend
feel, I won’t stay just to make them happy or to avoid making it awkward. No. I will tell them how I feel, and if they disregard
that, I’m out. You don’t abandon yourself to satisfy someone
else. Okay. Let’s say that again because it’s so important
my friends. I don’t abandon myself to satisfy someone
else. And THAT is the act of self love. It’s defining situations that make you feel
a certain type of way, and taking the necessary actions to make sure you feel comfortable,
fulfilled, whatever the situation is. Because remember, you care about yourself
so very deeply and you only want what’s best for you. Let’s take another, everyday type of example
that is more personal and doesn’t involve what someone else says or does. So, personally, I don’t litter. Not even a tiny tissue. Not even if no one else is around and no one
will ever know. Because, side note, when no one is around
and no one will ever know, that’s when your true character shows. So play close attention to how to act when
you’re by yourself. Your moral compass shouldn’t only apply
when you’re being watched. That implies a weak character. But that’s a different topic. Now, because I know that I don’t litter,
I know that hm, okay, if I go on a picnic for example, I will need to bring some sort
of a container that I can throw the trash in. I set myself up for success. Don’t give yourself, or people discounts Could you walk into any store and tell them
“hey I’m special so you’re going to give me 25 % off”. No you can’t. The prices are set, and if you can’t afford
it, leave. It’s not negotiable. The same applies for your rule book. Because you are your own store, your own house. And the cost of entry is the rules that you
have for yourself and for others who would like to enter and who would like to stay. So, another example, If your rule book says
“I don’t want to be yelled at”, in my book, literally, that applies across the board. I don’t want my sister to yell at me, I
wouldn’t want a partner to yell at me, I wouldn’t want a boss to yell at me. I also won’t yell at myself! I’m no exception. I don’t give myself discounts either. Now, all of those relationships are different
and we might handle it differently depending on the person and situation and so you’ll
act accordingly, but the fact remains that I’m not okay with it. I’m protecting little me, and little me
won’t put up with being yelled at. Now, it’s not enough to say that you will
or won’t do something or that you don’t tolerate xyz, the defining moment is: what
do you do when it happens? Do you love yourself enough to change? To walk away? To let go? How deep is this love that you have for yourself? Well, the depth is measured in the actions
that you take. Don’t expect a 100% success rate
