Taylor's Animal Facts | PKA

we picked an opening topic right brazilian jiu jitsu trained jogger chokes out cougar with his bare hands don't this sounds like a national enquirer story it's oh was it elvis okay the only hitch is they described it as a juvenile uh mountain lion wow so i don't know how juvenile it is you know i'm pretty sure that i'm kitten you go juvenile enough and like little kids could beat this thing he's choking it out and it's feeder dangling just viciously attacking an animal from me barbie so does this did you immediately see this woody as like aha vindicated no no i actually so when i first saw it i didn't know it was a bjj guy i assumed it was a jogger and i thought like uh you know like this is gonna come up on the show and i don't think i can beat a mountain lion that's they're all going to come at it from the angle that like woody can beat a mountain lion i have claimed with confidence to be able to beat eight pound birds and i stick by that uh mountain lions and stuff that's just scary that's actually why i bought my first gun i think you got a better chance against the mountain lion than that big bird that thing's got it's got claws this detective the mountain lion is eight pounds eight i mean a bullet weighs tenths of a gram yeah i could choke a bullet out for sure zero percent do you know a mountain like i think an adult male weighs between 120 and 220 pounds yes i assume it's a teeny tiny one 120 pounds is gonna [ __ ] you up yes yeah what do you think the heaviest carnivore you could beat is this is a wild animal not like a redemption have you seen him dig into a wendy's chili i'm going for a wild essentially like the heaviest wild predator i think at i think it's 30 pounds on the clear winner i can beat a 30 pound predator i could take a killer whale on land guaranteed yeah he would not stand a chance although either of you were playing by these rules and you know it oh what are you trying to be funny for taylor look serious about this well it's not much of a conversation if it's just what's uh what's it just what's the biggest one you think that you could take then i could definitely take a coyote completely unarmed right that's the deal you're there naked yeah oh [ __ ] make it afraid like that really give me a [ __ ] give me like one of those leather like tarzan thongs to at least keep my balls from being you already had it in my mind kyle okay you've got the banana hammock that pontius yeah i love that okay okay um i could take a i could take an adult coyote and i say that because i have had real world experiences with adult coyotes and i have seen them fall and pray to a grown man with a club before my dad beat one to death with a maglite flashlight one time and it didn't stand a chance i mean yeah i think i could take i could definitely take a coyote the big one only weighs 46 pounds yeah they're they're they're quite small and they're they're often like underfed and like sickly to begin with because of you know their lifestyle and it's it's hard out there for a coyote i think i could take a coyote yeah that's i feel like i could go a little bigger than a coyote is there anything between coyote and wolf other than dog i could take a dog the koi wolf there's got to be some cats in there how much is a proof ones a puma is pretty big right a puma is essentially a mountain lion puma animal not the brand of shoes you silly google oh a puma is the same thing yeah yeah yeah it's like the south american a puma a cougar and a mountain lion all the same yeah i think it's racist to make the black ones seem different i think it's a hyena oh you do not want to [ __ ] with the hyena oh that's way too big that would [ __ ] me up way too big i've seen somalians with like pet hyenas on a chain before that thing is more intimidating than any pit bull you'll ever see and they have that incredible jaw strength because what they do in the wild is they scavenge the the carcasses of animals that lions have left behind could because they possess jaw strength powerful enough to crush the bones of like wildebeest and stuff and get the marrow out that the lions cannot get to how badass is a honey badger is it we've all seen it right so here's i've learned a little bit about honey badgers recently i was curious they were on tier zoo amazing youtube channel and uh they think honey badgers are like totally badass the truth is they have low mobility so they have to stand their ground they can't run away from almost anything they've they've stacked all their points according to syrizu into uh armor or something like that so they have a thick hide and they're hard to bite and they're hard to hurt but they can't run away which is why they stay on the ground against bad ass animals but are they gonna get you pretty good because like based on that video i watched that was a parody video from like 10 years ago on youtube like honey badger don't give a [ __ ] don't [ __ ] care i don't remember what it is like if you tried to grab them like around they have so much flexibility in their own skin it's like grabbing somebody in a big woolly coat they could still just flip around and man like snap you like even more rain you have to grab it real close to the head like a snake almost yeah and also like you couldn't poison it because i watched a youtube clip of like them just like going and antagonizing a cobra and that was gonna be like first move three or four times and then they kill it and then before they get like the chance to eat the dead cobra they like curl over and then like the announcer's like but just four hours later he's back and ready to eat and he just like kind of twitches up and is ready to go so i could definitely take those because i imagine that like what 10 pounds i don't know man i think pounds i think we're underestimating just how bad it would be if this thing bit your finger like you'd have to be in wild man mode yourself like like we're very well fed all of us here sitting here i don't think any none of us are hungry right now we all ate dinner for lunch at least like we're not ravenous if we were to get into a fight with a [ __ ] honey badger in our garage right [ __ ] now and that thing got you one of your fingers and like took the tip off like took the whole fingernail and the tip off you don't want play anymore it's got a little bit of food it's amped up now it's got a taste for human flesh okay it doesn't matter if you literally bite one of his feet off he's gonna be like all right scores one and one let's keep going dude i definitely wouldn't go my tactic would not be bite for bite a honey badger would you tactically be on a honey badger like honestly i think i would try and grab any limb or anywhere and then just start then just start spinning and just hope that the centrifugal force of it is enough to keep him in one of those like you know get out of here i can't do this much longer you know those fair rides where you sit in the swing and you're going around like you need to get him going fast enough that he's like a fighter pilot in one of those soviet things his face is blown back and he doesn't have the ability to spin around in his coat and bite you and you have to hope you can make him pass out from g-forces before you get tired couldn't you stomp his head if you grabbed him could you not get a foot on his head you're a 200 pound-ish man i don't know 195 or something i could definitely crush a head yeah like if he sat there and was like please sir crush my head that'd be the way to do it though spin it around disorient it make it dizzy hurl it to the ground and then real quick just both legs jump up and stop if you got a grab on it you could slam it like bam bam i don't know if people are too young to get that reference but the barney rubbles kid will you just slam it on the ground a couple of times that would that would hurt it right like is there any animal that can deal with bam bam attack no you you if you i prefer to think of it as like the hulk attack yeah yeah yeah and avengers yeah yeah yeah and it's just you know hulk smash i think a hulk smash maneuver if the trick is getting it though wild animals are [ __ ] wild animals i mean if you ever got both of its legs in one fist it's just going to like do a sit up and start just mauling your arm that's the approach the argument that i never quite like buy into like like i get it humans are more easily discouraged than like geese and honey badgers who for some reason just aren't intimidated but if you're in a situation where you're not just fighting for fun you know this isn't joy that you really need to kill this thing for some reason there's there's 10 million dollars on the other end of the line then all of a sudden they're like well you don't understand i lost the tip of my pinky it's like i don't know like that's that's okay in a 10 million dollar fight you don't get discouraged that easily that's true yeah i i wouldn't want to take a honey badger but it's really the ferocity of it because like compared to animals you wouldn't we are no no we would beat it but i'm saying like just a regular fight without the money like humans we're like baby back [ __ ] of the animal kingdom like we suck like our power lifters uh like the the thor whatever thor bjornsson or whatever the guy who plays the mountain like he's over there like i'm gonna dead lift a thousand pounds do you know that we've never taught a gorilla how to do deadlifts or bench press or overhead press squats so we've we see gorillas who don't even work out the gorilla teach them to use barbell techniques imagine the kind of gorilla we could create but the real is that we entered 1500 pounds the gorillas that we interact with that we think of these killing machines are the homer simpsons of the animal kingdom okay they're sitting around all day chewing on bamboo or whatever the [ __ ] those things eat we've never met a motivated athletic chimpanzee or gorilla or anything like that they're just sitting around lazing and [ __ ] yeah i mean the chimpanzee those are probably the scariest thing to fight because you know they're coming dirty they're going to rip your dick off they're going to rip your eyes out they're going to tear your nose off like if i have you ever seen a lion fight a hyena yeah it's not much of a fight they like they get scared or maybe so usually it's it's multiple hyenas against a lion and he fights the whole time sitting down because they nip at his balls and it's like like it's really a disadvantage to have to sit the whole time you fight and that's how they do it those are the worst like animal clips that you see online where it's like hyena just once a taste and it's like a water buffalo with like it's scrotum being stretched two feet back by some hyena and you're like ah yeah you just know the things like that without look at the balls take my balls out of your mouth i'll feed you my kid but i like the 10 million thing i've never said it before for 10 million dollars you don't think you can beat a hawk or an eagle 1 million for 50 grand i'll fight 10 hawks all at once just give me like a give me a paintball mask and a 9-iron and i will in 50 grand i'll take on 10 hearts i want to watch that tv show so god damn badly and welcome to the ap airy death man how many owls can't you remember that thing in game shows they used to do where they put you in the booth and then air flows up from the bottom and there's money like all around you you're trying to grab the money it's that except with eagles birds shoot out of the ground and here's taylor in the eagle booth let's see how oh not well he is bearing now if he's smart tom he's going to try and crack one of them right off the front with a chip coming out of the hole he missed that is a 120 mile per hour bird he's dealing they're much better than me we're going gonna be firing them out of cannons like what happens to me a lot people will send me a picture of like a big bird's claw and say look at how this thing imagine that getting a hold of your arm and i think yeah that's terrible but that's a non-deadly blow it would be a real mistake if i could grab them with my other hand and then then it's just an eight-pound bird you could slam them like that the thing that would scare me more than the talons is if they latch on and you're dealing with talons but then they go and now you're blind yeah are they double double that's what they do oh i mean i don't know but i'm gonna go with yes i don't think they do that i think they fight really small things pick them up and drop them like they're they're not yeah i grabbers we're talking about the ones though that fly and grab goats on a cliff side and drop the goat off the side of a mountain that's the bird that you were fighting with baby clips it's like you are such a person the chicks are gonna die if that she doesn't kill that that you know and then there's no animal they're little hitlers right it's just like and she drops him off the side and you just hear that [Applause] all i hear is the chicks won't grow up to kill goats either and i'm like ah baby hitler's [ __ ] those birds yeah the next thing you and anytime satan is depicted i notice he has a goat's head okay fair counterpoint yeah all right he is one of the cool goat heads with like four horns on it where he's gonna tear forward and then like two on the side we're talking about hyenas did you know that female hyenas have pseudo-dicks yeah like they have so the male hyena has a penis right because you need to procreate the female hyenas are bigger than the males like it's like an oddly sexually dimorphic species for a mammal and they have quasi dicks like pseudo dicks that are even bigger than the male's real dicks and the reason they have it i'm pretty sure is that they will they'll rape uppity males into submission to be like oh you're gonna misbehave how do you like a little dick you don't have a you don't have a [ __ ] sir so your ass is getting blown out in the serengeti here you're humiliated in front of your laughing friends by this dry dusty protocol oh yeah there's no lube you think she spits on it first hell no no it's just dry dick and she and everybody's laughing at him and it so they're pretty cool animals in that way that's the only instance of pegging in the animal kingdom it's mine nobody's like is this true are they [ __ ] with it yeah it's true they got these i've seen them i don't know penis yeah i don't know if the point of the pseudo penis is to to peg the males to keep them i might have made that up i don't know yeah you definitely did but um but they definitely exist well what's the point of it otherwise just to have a pseudo deck i don't remember what the point was but i've definitely seen them and they are a thing for sure what does it i don't remember what it looks like does it look like a real dick it's a clitoris that's seven inches long and outside the body i don't know if this website's gonna say there's a reason for it but every time there's one of those reasons they feel a little reverse engineered to me anyway like oh yeah they didn't they have that to help the whatever you just made up a reason what do they do with it is what i want to know you know i i don't need any conjecture i want to see this thing in action they just they just have it and they know or use together to resemble a male scrotum just throwing it out there it's so gross i don't need that it's either that's an animal that i wouldn't want to be how they give birth through their fake dicks oh that's right i heard that too that's disgusting yeah they give birth to the fake dicks and and often they're they're these failed birds does it open sometimes not big enough it says uh the clitoris birth canal is only an inch in diameter and the tissue often tears as a two-pound cub squeezes through the narrow opening the rip can be fatal as evidenced by the high death rate of first-time mothers yeah because of the awkward female the female's awkward genitalia successful mating for hyenas is tricky to pull off it takes careful positioning for the male to crouch behind her and somehow get his penis to point up and backwards to enter her clitoris i don't even picture a female dick on on screen right now and i mean it's big you'd hardly think this was a girl how would you i don't i don't understand how animals without hands get their dick into her fake dick how do they masturbate that's the question i don't think they do jack off yeah that would you know elephants beat off no they didn't yeah they do yeah this is a real thing you can look out the way they do it is they get a heart on and they just move in a way that it slaps their dick on their belly i thought for sure the trunk would be involved i you know what i still choose to believe it is well the trunk maybe if it's like super hung i don't know the distance of the trunk to the back of the dick area oh you have to the elephant torso you have to lay on your back so the gravity holds your big elephant ass towards your mouth dude that would be so [ __ ] funny if you saw an elephant sitting in the serengeti evidence of elephants intelligence is seen by her autofellatio techniques one kenyan taught them this and now they all do it all the time have fallen dramatically since the herd learned to suck their own [ __ ] the inclusion of elephant porn into their societies has caused many problems with sexual performance leading to a need for blue chew in the serengeti yeah i mean animals super fascinating i wonder what animals would think was so weird about us if they probably that you know like you see these guys they build things like they can talk we've got cars and [ __ ] you know and they don't differentiate between us i bet they think we're noisy i i feel like we talk way more than any other animal i can think of so many cool animals went extinct though i was i was i was reading today about these armadillos that lived like 40 000 years ago or something and they were so [ __ ] enormous that early man would use their shells as a shelter they were the size of a volkswagen bug jesus yeah yeah wooly mammoth went extinct there were a lot of cool big ones the animals have saber-toothed tigers they they're these gigantic uh uh like anteater things poorly designed saber-toothed tigers because it turns out that long tooth of theirs was really fragile and they couldn't use it to hunt now hear me out they used it for the kill shot if they tried you know how now animals run and like you know you might run up to it not you but if you were a lion you'd run up to it and grab its neck like as part of the tackle the saber-toothed tigers those teeth were too fragile and if you broke one you were like done as a tiger like you were gonna die like breaking an arm so they didn't even grow back they would they would tackle it in different ways and then once they had like you know position before submission they they would go in and just sort of finish it with the big teeth i didn't know that i was on youtube it's true i believe you yeah

Channel: PKA Highlights

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Id: gbiHGVRlybc

Length: 18min 53sec (1133 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 06 2020