Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage / LEE & LESLIE STROBEL

studies tell us that marriage has huge benefits we're healthier we live longer we sleep better and our stress is lower but still has its challenges especially if you're married to someone with a different outlook on faith we're going to talk about that today with two people who have been there Lee and Lesley thank you for joining me your story is told in the best-selling book case for Christ you were both atheists you know you married you're in agreement totally in love and then plus Lee you changed the deal so what happened to you and you became a Christian tell me about that well I did I wasn't exactly an atheist but I just didn't know what Christianity was all about I actually did have a mom who tried her best to teach me some Christian principles but it wasn't really an anchor for our family and so as I got older it I just lost that kind of interest and didn't have it and then Lee and I met and it just wasn't on our radar but we moved into a new building had a new neighbor she came down with a plate of cookies and we became good friends and she was a believer and so we'd go to her apartment for tea and there'd be a Bible and study material out and eventually I just started asking questions and she'd answered my questions and she asked me to go to church with her so after putting her off for a while I finally said to Lee I just have to get her off my back and go and he said well do with this once but not anymore so I did go but a strange thing happened and I sort of met Jesus there I didn't become a believer right away but my heart was definitely pricked and I was very interested and over several months I really got together with Linda in the movie her name is Elfie but in real life Linda and she answered my questions to the point where I eventually received Christ so how scary was it making that decision because you had to know at home was a committed atheist who was not going to celebrate this you know it was so important to me on a level of having met Jesus I mean every time I went to church it was like the pastor was talking directly to me so it was such an intimate connection for me that I didn't really think clearly about what was going to happen but then once I made the decision and I knew I'd have to tell Lee then I started getting a little worried so it was nerve-wracking okay we tell me about that moment you know you are more committed of an atheist than she is and all of a sudden she gives you the piece of news what was happening in your mind I just thought this is the end of our marriage you know I was a hard-drinking legal editor of the Chicago Tribune I was living a very hedonistic sinful self-absorbed life and I had no interest in being married to a Christian I thought she was going to turn into some Holy Roller or something or spend all her time on Skid Row serving the poor it's not what I signed up for this wasn't the deal this wasn't in our deal and she was changing the rules well I wasn't up for that and so it caused a lot of stress in our marriage all of a sudden every aspect of our marriage we were clashing you know go to church Sunday know I want to do this you know what do we tell the kids about God well I want to tell them there is no God you want to talk to him about Jesus oh we're clashing there she wants to give money to the church I don't want her to is all these and I looked ahead to the horizon of our marriage I just saw it paved with conflict so at one point I just said you know I can't do this I'm not going to be doing this two years from now lastly you know I think this is such an important conversation so many people are in this position and for many different reasons but you're not in a same page spiritually on your marriage and you don't know if you can save it he said he thought it was going to end but I never gave up on it I didn't why because I loved him and you know we met when we were 14 years old and I went home and told my mom the day I met him that I met the boy I'm going to marry and honestly it was just love at first sight is even though it might have been a puppy love thing by the time we were in this relationship of being unequally yoked we've been married for a few years and so I just knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and I knew too that if he could understand about Christianity and eventually receive Christ that he would be a non-fire Christian I just knew that he had that in general so you know I saw that not as a project but just as someone who really had huge potential surprised I think of this as a lonely journey for both of you know Li you feeling like you kind of lost your wife and feeling very alone you trying to explore this new relationship with no support from your husband doesn't want to hear about it how do you guys deal with the loneliness that you're feeling at the time what really helped was Linda who's this friend of mine and you know he would drive me crazy saying all kinds of crazy stuff and go to work and I was on the phone seconds later to Linda and that was the beauty of it because she was an encourage and she was a shoulder to cry on but what she wasn't was a person who badmouth Leigh and got me kind of revved up over that she would you know allow me to vent but then say okay how do you move forward what do we do how do we pray and so then she would just sit and pray with me and then give me ideas on how to build my marriage better and be more of an encourage or to him to not dwell on the negative so that even though I wanted to be with other Christians by going to Bible studies and going to church and doing activities that I couldn't do the loneliness was erased by Linda's being there and available to me so Leigh you you know you're angry you're you know thinking your marriage could be over and and of course the loneliness shirt you're doing this investigation to prove her wrong what was she doing right because you were worried she was going to turn into an uptight judgmental terrible person yeah what did she do right you know I think one of the key things she did is she built on the commonality that we had in other words we got married for a reason because we love each other and we love doing things together so instead of letting this become a wedge between us to separate us totally she would reach out to me and say let's go to our favorite restaurant tonight or let's go for a bike ride or you know those those common things we like to do hobbies we like to do together how we like to hang out together she would reach out and we build on those commonalities so that we didn't allow the spiritual mismatch to fling us totally apart that was really key the fact that then my inclination was to pull back and if she had pulled back I don't know if we ever would have gotten back together but instead she moved forward and you know what she is the Christian had God in her life and and she knew the right thing to do she didn't expect me to act like a Christian because I wasn't one so she knew she kind of had to take the initiative she could have a Christian marriage to the degree to which she was willing to live it out unilaterally in the relationship yeah and so that's what she sought to do so every time I pull back she would reach out and say let's let's let's go out to our restaurant tonight and it's actually the work of the Holy Spirit because I wouldn't have naturally had that inclination in me my natural inclination would been to dig in my heels but I sent God saying you're the Christian now you've got the Holy Spirit giving you wisdom think this through and do it what's right and so that really helped you know you talked a lot about this in your book that you wrote together called spiritual mismatch lots of great practical advice and I I did happen to see one page there you talked about the physical relationship so just to say you thought that she'd become a prude and the fact that she didn't and kept that part of your relationship strong with the fig witness to you as well which she thought means yeah God works in all kinds of ways right that was important it was very important to know that we still had a marriage we still had a relationship that you know she was not going to let this destroy our marriage she was determined to save our marriage and you know even though I would fly off the handle and and she had every reason to walk out she refused to do that and that was as you say different because she used to dig in her heels and we'd have a big argument in the past now there's something different about her and and you know what it's so small things that were winsome and attractive that we're attracting me toward Christianity so the more she stayed in a relationship with God the more he was able to change her and the more I saw that and the more that pulled me toward her money poza and God gave me eyes of his love to Seeley through those lenses so that even though he was saying things and doing things that were making me angry as I kind of got away from it for a few minutes and prayed about it God would let me see that he's still lovable you know if I hadn't become Christiaan we would be going fine in our relationship it was the Christianity that was causing the problem and so God gave me there was lenses to see that it has nothing personal it was just that he didn't understand yet yeah so we're running out of time Lesley but you have three great pieces of advice for Pete Christians in a marriage where their partners spiritually mismatched can you give them to us sure first off is just allow God to grow you up to be who he wants you to be continue to grow in that relationship with Christ and then second grow your relationship with your husband like Lee said build on those things that you have in common and that you enjoy and allow that relationship to grow and don't let him think that you think less of him or that you don't respect him just really show your love for that person third if you can get a mentor it's really helpful because there are times you feel alone and it's good to have a sounding board and someone you can cry on their shoulder but then rally and pray together and just know that that person's there for you and someone as you say who didn't you know getting up gaining up on that wasn't Leslie and Linda against right I didn't never felt that I never felt besieged by that I was important she wouldn't let you get into a pity party exactly exactly you guys have an incredible story is shown out in the movie the case for Christ people can see where to watch that the case for christ movie calm where can they find this book just film it's mismatched anyplace books are available it's available yes amazing you know there's so much more I know we can unpack a lot of people are in this situation thanks for sharing so honestly from your life you're welcome god bless and if you're in that situation and you're struggling and you don't maybe you don't have a mentor or someone that you feel you can talk to safely our prayer lines are 100% confidential we would love to be that support for you until you find a real life mentor or even after you do you can give us a call anytime one eight six six two seven three four four four four Lee and less Lee Strobel show there is hope sometimes it doesn't happen as quickly as we hope that God is always at work hope you're encouraged today we'll be right back

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Length: 10min 59sec (659 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 01 2017