Sunday, February 27 | Tampa Life Live

[Music] god [Music] oh [Music] oh movies [Music] [Music] [Music] praise the lord temple life wandering into the night wanting a place to hide this wearing soul it's backbones [Music] [Music] a [Music] he told me that i i everybody oh come on clap those hands all across the room [Music] i cannot deny what i've seen got no choice but you believe [Applause] [Music] you [Music] [Applause] [Music] is i say it again i thank god [Music] [Music] i am here we go one two one two three take it upstairs by the name of jesus foreign i think listen get up get up get up get up out of that grip get up get up get up get up out of that great do you say get up get up get up get get up out of that crazy get up get the grave of disappointment let's take it upon get up get up yeah get up get up [Music] now listen i know it's a sunday morning and it's slightly early just after 10 o'clock but i wonder if i'm in a house of people that are free today when we're saying get up out of that grave we're talking about getting out of the grave of disappointment of anger of anxiety of depression so if you have ever dealt with any of those things and if you're dealing with it now all you got to do is say get up get up get up get up out of that grave get up get up get up get up out of that great [Music] get up get up get up get up get up yeah oh come on i can't hear you let out of shelter pranks because he picked me up turned me around placed my feet on solid ground i thank the master i thank the savior stick it out [Music] i thank god [Music] song that says i'm dancing out of my great clothes who the sun sets free is free indeed mornings here and i'm grateful for the savior god up in victory dancing out of my grave who the sun sets free the sun sets free when the sun you gave me a reason to dance hallelujah gave me your breathing today you gave me a reason to say hallelujah gave me a reason today check it out right here you gave me a reason to dance hallelujah gave me [Music] it will [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] come on let your worship fill the room right there if he gave you a reason to dance that means he gave you a reason to shout as well hallelujah [Music] [Applause] something about the name jesus how many know there's something about the name jesus one of the one of the most important things that you have is your name your name is tied to your identity we all know this that there's no person the same [Music] our fingerprints are different our dna is different our names are different say ej but i have a cousin uh my name is amanda and hers is amanda as well and that's okay that's cool but your dna is different and i'm so glad that we serve a god of one and there's only one name that has the power to save that has the power to deliver that has the power to set free and i'm so glad that we just don't know the name but we speak the name because when at the mention of the name of jesus demons tremble things shift situations turn around because there's no other name like the name of jesus [Music] strongholds are broken miracles happen mountains start moving when i speak and everything changes when i speak the name of jesus so we declare your goodness we declare your strength we declare your power in jesus name [Music] i need your is right here [Music] [Applause] can i speak changes [Music] no [Music] [Music] so what we gonna do [Music] [Music] hey come on [Music] [Applause] [Music] we is jesus we call on you we call on you everybody say it now jesus would you call the name of jesus [Applause] [Music] salvation's speak the name of jesus go ahead and speak the name of jesus yeah yeah hallelujah speaking over your life right now god oh we call upon your name of jesus [Music] the song said we declare your healing the song said families are restored we're in the month of february this is our family month and that line just resonates families are restored and that family in my mind doesn't just apply to your blood that applies to your neighbor i heard someone say that i don't pray for revival said i pray for unity [Music] because when we're unified there's nothing that we can't do it's also a phrase that says we're better together i want you to just take a look around just look around look around at your neighbor look around behind you look to the side look to the left to the right that's a picture of heaven [Music] you look around this building and you see people of different cultures of different backgrounds and different ethnicities and and it's all organic we're not like putting out applications hey we we only need 10 more black people we only need 10 more this and in a world listen listen i feel this in a world that's divided i'm not pointing fingers i'm just saying it's divided in a world that's divided aren't you glad that we can come to the house of god and we can lift our hands without wrath without doubting and we can stand next to somebody that doesn't look like us we can come on we can we can stand next to somebody didn't grow up next to us and we can say god i thank you i thank you i may not even know my neighbor but i love him anyway [Applause] and just like there's only one god i believe there's only one body can we lift our hands all across the house and what binds us together as one body is the name of jesus so can you just begin to speak that name jesus right now yeah oh come on temple i've lift your voice thank you jesus thank you for your mercy [Applause] thank you for your grace god hallelujah [Music] thank you jesus i just want to speak the name of jesus over every heart and every mind cause i know there is peace within your presence [Music] i just want to speak the name of jesus every dark addiction starts to break [Music] there is hope and there is freedom i speak cheers [Music] your name is healing your name is break every stronghold through the [Music] of shadows hope for fear and all anxieties [Music] jesus [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] shiny is i need you to declare this today shout jesus from the mountains and jesus in the streets jesus in the darkness over every enemy [Music] jesus name jesus my name is [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] your name is [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] i just wanna speak the day [Music] [Music] yes god i speak jesus [Music] i speak i jesus jesus [Music] jesus shall jesus christ cheers is is [Applause] i speak jesus i speak jesus oh jesus [Music] [Applause] [Music] come on you ought to speak the name jesus right there come on speak it over your family come on speak it over your job oh come on speak it over your neighbor speaking over your community speaking over this church i speak the name of jesus [Music] [Applause] [Music] your name is power yes sir your name is name is live somebody needs to believe that today [Music] break every stronghold shine through the shadow [Music] your name is [Applause] yes it is yes it is yes it is [Music] at the mention of his name every knee would bow and every tongue would confess so i'm just going to say a word and i just want you to speak jesus over it right now you ready i'm just gonna say a word and a couple of them and a list and i just want you to say jesus ukraine [Music] [Music] i'm going to say it again ukraine just say jesus we have the loss of life and our missionaries and pastors running and hiding and heading to romania and other countries to get away from the violence jesus be offense the name of the lord is a strong tower that the righteous run into and are saved [Applause] hallelujah [Applause] how about i say this one covet lord every individual still suffering from this plague let your name bring healing over their lives right now lord evict this scourge from our nation from our people from this world in the name of jesus why don't you why don't you say it again when i say cancer for everyone that you know watching and in this house struggling with a disease of any kind we vanquish disease by the name of jesus you're ready disease infection viruses bacteria oh something's happening right now heart disease disappointment depression fear anxiety anger hallelujah let your power be revealed right now in this house healing in the name of jesus deliverance in the name of jesus salvation in the name of jesus restoration in the name of jesus hallelujah [Music] if you're comfortable just put your hand on your neighbor and just gently put it on their wrist or on their arm or their shoulder and i just want you to pray the name of jesus over their marriage this is family month i want you to pray it over their kids over their family i want you to pray jesus over their finances jesus over every situation in any relationship they're in jesus i pray for parents to be better parents i pray for children to be better children i pray for the stress between parents and children to begin to evaporate through healing i pray right now god for sibling rivalries to dissolve for anger and offense in the name of jesus for injury and hurt in the name of jesus let there be healing between husband and spouse between parent and child in the name of jesus with grandparents and in-laws let there be healing in the name of jesus hallelujah [Music] praise god i just want to speak the name of jesus over every fear over every bit of anxiety i hope you've been doing it all week in your house i hope you're doing it right now over your life i speak the name of jesus we're so thankful you're in this house today honored to have you with us for the fourth installment of the burn series we're very excited we have an amazing guest with us her name is kenisha calden and we'll be uh introducing you to her in a few moments i'm just thankful you're in the house and so before we go play before we spend time at a family picnic together incidentally if you're a guest here and we're unaware of our picnic please join us afterward we're going to have a great day out to the right of the parking lot on my immediate right which would be your left you'll see a cordoned off area there we have multiple blow-ups for all ages of our kids along with petting zoos and ponies if you've never ridden a pony there is a weight limit but uh i think they have something like 40 or 50 animals out there or something today so chickens and rabbits and tortoises and i don't know what else i think there's a couple races going on so we've been playing some family feud type games and some minute to win it those games will be out at the picnic where we'll be crowning a family championship they will be uh competing out here we have some fun and some giveaways it's just going to be a great great day we supply the food if you've never had a public sub i believe it is publix cubans today so you can grab a cuban and a bag of chips and some water we're just going to have a great great great time turn to somebody and tell them welcome to temple life now you got to finish you got to say this the best church ever you got to say that all right come on up here pd would you come up here please i just want to speak the name of jesus over every fear and anxiety i know there is hope and there is healing i speak jesus lord i speak jesus over this entire congregation i speak jesus over every family i speak jesus over the unrest in the united states of america i speak jesus over the division that is threatening to destroy relationships in families i speak jesus this month has been a very special month to hear for us here at tampa life and we have put a tremendous amount of time and energy and effort into relationship month because quite honestly you matter to us the health of your relationships your marriage your relationships with your grandparents and your children it matters to us significantly that you have healthy relationships as ej mentioned a few moments before this world is divided black and white and brown and yellow and democrat republican and progressive and conservative mask and no mask vacs and novaks it's all over the map fiscally conservative fiscally liberal it just goes on and on and on and that is the mission of satan to divide the body of christ because we're better when we're together in unity when we are together in unity god does great things amen so he fights unity in our personal relationships even more so than relationships in the natural in the world whether it's a political relationship or some type of situation it is his agenda to destroy togetherness symmetry and unity so this month the month of february has been about helping you build family relationships we've given away family game days to top golf and to main event we've given away date nights to ruth chris and texas day brazil and fleming's we have a few more today and we are just believing that this month is going to set things right in your life we have a lot of prophetic words and beliefs about tampa life where we're headed as a church and what god's going to do with us but we cannot achieve those prophetic realities bring them from the spiritual into the natural unless we're unified so let's start with unity at the place that matters most between a husband and wife and between parents and kids is that all right we're going to have a great time today today was intended to be the conclusion of our burn series but after today with kenisha uh pastor's going to speak one more weekend on bern and pastor will simply be preaching next week you need to be here it's going to be a great day uh god's going to bless us let's give away some stuff babe you ready all right what are we giving it is a texas day brazil it's a hundred and fifty dollars for a couple uh to go out and don't take your crumb snatchers all right to have a great dinner only requirement is don't eat before you go because you will eat enough for two days now if you're a vegan just tell me when i give this to you because this is not where vegans go eat all right this is a carnivore okay i need a drunk actually an omnivore because they have a salad bar so you're you eat meat and veggies hey i need a drum roll yup give me a drumroll over there yeah there we go marty balostero and courtney ballistero come on up [Applause] all right while they're doing that who needs a tampa life t-shirt who doesn't have one i don't even know where to throw this right now okay let's go next what's next this is for a family for top golf and it's 125 dollars so it should cover a family of four if you have more than that you'll have to pay the extra but this is for top golf if you want to lose take me and i'll show you how to play [Music] you're way too old for this so i'm gonna override and give it to your kids daryl green you won the topgolf but you are way too old so i'm giving it to your kids which one of y'all wants to run up here and get it for him come on up yeah that's what i'm talking about take your brother you two wives and and brothers and sister-in-laws and brothers go out sorry i gave it away daryl all right all right who needs another shirt [Music] all right what do we get oh that's the big one let's wait on that one yeah let's wait on that one okay all right now we got a singles giveaway so what this is is if you are not married that would be single if you are not married in this building we have a giveaway and what this giveaway is you're gonna like this it is dinner with pastor mpd [Applause] so you will get our undivided attention if you are single so here's the catch with pastor and pd i have to approve of the restaurant okay we're gonna let you choose but i has the past final inspection because we can't do like denny's or something like that okay all right drum roll and this is 18 and up by the way single here we go [Music] why'd you go wow oh you i'm sorry chris whirly [Applause] come on up chris [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] all right dude you get to hang out with us for a day i'll try to be cool all right we're going to give away a couple more of those next week oh man we got some cards how are we going to do these are we pulling names i can't throw these cards all right the butlers get a card deck come on up [Music] so these card decks are foundations realizations and sexpectations and what you do is you sit down with your significant other your spouse and you have a conversation with them and these are to help you learn about each other in a more detailed way to foster healthy communication in your relationships that's what this is our next card doug drexler [Applause] darlene helms [Applause] here catch this for darling here we go somebody catch that for darlene catch that [Music] all right let's do the big one i'm ready to do the big one because i'm ready to get the show on the road i got a bunch of match boxes i need to give away too yep 18 and up if you catch one and you're under 18 do not set the building on fire all right all right this is a big deal this is for a couple we want to give this away this is a marriott gift card to the current uh which is the current is a specialized marriott on the bay in the middle of tampa it is absolutely amazing although i've never been there personally i just know it's cool so here we go this is a romantic getaway this is our grand prize i need a big drum roll for this one [Music] who is it i'm nervous open it up okay this is going to be tough because they got like 11 children and you're not allowed to have any more avery burrell [Applause] okay all right yeah show everybody that yeah [Applause] [Music] come on up here okay if it well this is a mixed bag if anybody needs a break from all this tribe of kids it's these two but listen it's kind of a setup yeah yeah that yeah you just had a baby like two months ago there it is right there look at this family come on celebrate the burrell family right now and if you if you haven't had a chance to meet the two of them you talk about prayerful and spirit-led they are amazing people congratulations we love you guys all right you all ready all right let's let's get this show on the road you ready i i'm ready to hear our special guest we got so many more giveaways we'll do this next week when we're not so pressed for time so that means you got to come back all right um to all of our tampa kids you are dismissed and you may head to class while that's happening turn your attention to the screen above me and watch this next little clip what's an annoying habit your who goes first you can't go first okay he leaves his socks on the floor multiple pairs like always little pairs of socks around we have blankets everywhere in every part of the house a black kid [Music] that's great all right does your husband still open the car door for you all right the husband when is your anniversary february 22nd 1992 there we go 30 years this month this is awesome all right where'd you go on your first date with this first date i don't know if it's like an official date because the first time i wouldn't count it as a date because you invited me over to your house yeah i think our first date was actually chili's chili's probably yeah out to chile which is still awesome and was it love at first sight yes [Music] of course of [Music] course what's an annoying habit your spouse has diabetes police diabetes police it has to talk to everybody he sees does your husband still open the car door for you no no he is doesn't anniversary january 15 1993 well continuous 29 years where did you go on your first date olive garden olive garden and was it love at first sight i think for you you saw me praying you said that guy is such a an amazing no it wasn't it wasn't it was uh it was in a car driving 441 and she was in a car full of girls i was by myself and they they thought i was um a murderer pretty much it's a great story a great marriage came out of that welcome to burn so i'll probably get in trouble for this next little comment but the guy that was talking that didn't fall in love at first sight is 50 years old today happy birthday please nobody get mad that i didn't say it was your birthday so uh just happened to be in the video and i couldn't think he's so how crazy is this i decided to put them in charge of my birthday celebration because greg has got a gift every day this month from his family you say that is so weird yeah i thought it was so cool i'm like okay you're in charge of celebrating my birthday i've been trying to have a birthday month for years with my family it hadn't quite worked out uh happy birthday to greg and anybody else this is your birthday this week happy birthday from tampa life before we dive into uh our ministry today i do want to just interrupt and have a quick prayer larry henderson's brother was here and he had an episode where he fainted a little bit earlier back here on the right so they checked his vitals we actually have security on site here and we also have a nurse or a doctor on call every service so as i was doing the prayer earlier and giveaways i noticed that they fetched the emergency bag and the nurse went back along with the security team and they are going to take this gentleman he's a first time guest to just make sure he's okay but we try to do everything here at tampa life with excellence hence the security and the medical people always on standby so i'm not sure that i know larry's first larry's brother's first name i just met them during worship but let's just say a quick prayer can we do that lord our guest that was here today that had a episode he's a little older whatever caused that jesus whatever caused him to have a fainting episode i pray you touch his body and you let your healing flow over him lord let his faith be built and let healing flow and everybody said in jesus name all right welcome to burn part four i'd like to introduce to all of you uh kenisha calden if you would come here and please join us on the stage and deborah tisdale kenisha you can sit right here and pd i'll have you sit right here so nice to have you with us kenisha we're glad you're here i have enjoyed so much getting to know kenisha she let me know that i met her many years ago in louisville kentucky and like your worst favorite words ever she said we've met before you just don't remember me [Music] so does anyone remember the funny story i told on wednesday about saying in a church that i was awesome because i was jet lagged flying from london she was there she said i don't remember anything you preached but i remember you saying you were awesome [Laughter] that's pretty terrible isn't it so for those of you that didn't hear the story i've flown all night long i was speaking in louisville from london so i was a little tired and the pastor said they had so many miracles in london listen to this and he's giving this victory report and i walked up and said what can i say and i meant to say god is awesome and i just said what can i say i'm awesome and then i went and i started laughing first when i heard myself say it and then the pastor shouts from the other side did he just say he was awesome pretty funny moment but kenisha we're glad you're here let me tell you a little about about kenisha she and her husband pastor in fort worth he was a music minister in atlanta georgia at an amazing church they now passed her in fort worth and they have four kids already and she is 14 and a half weeks expecting with number five on the way so she doesn't look old enough to have one let alone five she works at the va veterans administration in mental health and she has a private marriage therapy practice called the hope journey and so we are just delighted to have her here and i'm ready to pick her brain about healthy relationships are you ready so i've been saying a statement here to you for the last couple of uh weeks that god is more concerned with your character than your romance and i would like you all to remember that statement from singles and teenagers all the way up to elders in this house god is more concerned with developing your character than solving your problems god is equally concerned about both but if one has a priority a precedent it would be developing you as a christian over making you comfortable does that make sense so if that statement that pastor made is true that god is more concerned with developing your character than your romance then we should spend more time praying about our character and our integrity than trying to fix the person we're in a relationship with how many prayers have been significantly wasted by a spouse or by a partner or by someone in a relationship we're like god get a hold of them get a hold of their heart get a hold of their attitude fix them fix them and do this give me the love i'm after fulfill my desires give me fulfillment and we pray so much about the other person being changed i think sometimes we overlook us being changed so if i could say it and i'll ask and let me just say there the scripture says i die daily not my spouse die daily but i die daily everybody point to yourself and say i die daily and some people are really intentional on making their spouse die daily or their parents die daily i'm going to kill you and assassinate you with my words i could really preach right now and i'm not going to but look in the new testament it says satan was a murderer from the beginning but then searched the scriptures through ezekiel where we hear of the fall of satan and he never killed anyone because the word that is used in the epistles for murder to means assassinate one's character the only person that satan assassinated the character was god and his holiness i will ascend above him i will take ownership i will build my own throne i will be above him he will bow to me all those i wills that he began to speak he was assassinating the character of god and he created then a rebellion against god he was a murderer from the beginning through his words and before we go any farther we all have to take ownership of our words because words injure us that old saying you heard as a kid sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me it's not true at all words hurt that's why the writer said you shall give an account for every vain and idol word so how then do you keep that account from being measured against you every day what my wife said you die daily lord forgive my words but you can't just ask god to forgive you when you're foolish with your words you have to go back and take care of the injury and the harm you created through those words amen are you with me there's a scripture that keeps coming to my mind it specifically talks about wives there it's in proverbs but it says a wise woman builds her house a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands don't be a foolish man or woman that destroys your house yourself don't be so stubborn about what you're trying to get out of the relationship that you tear the house down a wise person we can take the the female part out a wise person builds their house a foolish person tears their own house down i like what we said and we're about to go to kenisha here i liked what was said the person you're with is the right person stop telling yourself i'm gonna find the right person this is the wrong person make it work with who you're with amen is that all right yeah all right so here we go can i say yes ma'am please jump away any time interrupt me because i'm gonna call it all right well when you just said that um you know think about the times though when you feel like you're with the wrong person it's usually in those times of high contention or when you're maybe not as spiritual as you should be you know it's those times when the enemy is trying to attack that you begin to kind of have that mindset so you really have to guard against that mindset you know um guard against the enemy coming in and being able to recognize that that is the thing that he is trying to attack you know bringing up those thoughts of man is this the right person or you know am i supposed to be in this that only comes when we're when when we're when there's something there that we're trying to come against you know that the enemy is trying to come against so i just wanted to beautify that all right so i'm going to ask you a question i've asked every therapist we've had with us kenisha and that question is this um there are the concept is burn and we have to intentionally set some things on fire we also have to intentionally extinguish some things in our relationship so the same question i've asked and i don't know your answer in entirety what i'd like to know is what's the most beneficial things that have to be on fire in our relationships so definitely to start security and safety you have to feel safe in your relationship and that is safe that is that foundation of safety builds everything else when you feel safe intimacy flows naturally you know so and that comes from being able to i think when it when you hear people say you know like i couldn't imagine do like doing life with anyone else you know that doesn't come easy that comes with trials and with disappointments and with things that say like oh my gosh are we going to make it through this and then you make it through and it's like oh wait you know i can trust this person so that security that safety it builds trust when you have trust and security in your relationship you don't worry about you know things coming against you against you as hard you know what i mean because you're on a secure foundation but who taught us that you know god taught us that you know that when you trust me in me i'm your strong tower i'm your refuge i'm the person that you've run to i'm your security and i'm your safety so when you build that in your relationship you're modeling you're honoring your relationship with god so let me help understand so if if you um are get into an argument with your spouse or um you know and that spouse just blows up you know or they get defensive or they withdraw you know and then it's just like um what does that cause you to do you know how do you the important thing is reaction versus response right so [Music] their reaction causes you to respond in a certain way you know so if you respond whether you shut down as well or you look back against them or whatever it is what you're not doing is creating safety you're not saying i can come to you with the hard things i can come to you with things that are personal to me or difficult for me and i can share those things with you and there'll be a safe space where you'll meet me there you'll pray with me or you'll be empathetic to me or you know we can talk through this it may be hard for you to hear you know but you'll be able to receive it and we can come together we can talk about it we can hash it through you know and and we can have healthy conversation about it healthy conflict even um just to manage that thing you mean just you need to listen and not wait for your turn to talk yes okay so i i'm so you're telling me that we have to create you know because that's sort of a buzzword right now like safe space we want our you know little we're really sensitive with our feelings now on this generation and we want this safe place to talk but the original safe place is in our marriages is that right yes okay so you said something that i've been asking each therapist and i've gotten a different answer each time is disappointment a necessary part of a healthy relationship absolutely what what does disappointment do because i just heard you say it but i want you to talk about it more so in romans it says there's a scripture that says the trying of our faith working patience and patience experience and experience hope and hope maketh not a shame so if you get tried right what the trying of our faith work is patience and that's one of the things we need in our relationships we need to be able to be patient with one another um and patients experience and what are those experiences those are experiences are those disappointments those things that we need to endure and go through because what that does again like i said it creates safety it it it makes you look at one another and say man we we got through that we endured this and we overcame together and that brings that unity that we were talking about what do you do though when one of the people is an emotional vampire okay okay they suck the life out of you i got a new term for all of you emotional vampires don't be one that means that you're just attaching to someone and pulling the lifeblood out of them because of your needs always complaining always sick always fussing always negative don't be an emotional vampire but what do you do when one spouse is when they're that dominant needy individual who's demanding to be heard but doesn't hear because vampires you can't really negotiate with them and you can't really like have a positive freak why aren't you looking at me like that deborah i am not talking about pd okay she's like grinning at me like and so i am not talking about you i'm talking about some people that go to church are emotional i'm glad you clarified that okay there are bloodsuckers at walk on the earth right now okay they just suck the strength out of you when you talk to them you're acting like you don't know but you know it's like your second cousin sally you know and you're like oh don't invite her to thanksgiving huh because the entire conversation will be negative it will be about her needs it will be be the type of individual you ready go kenisha be the kind of person that puts equity and positive affirmation in someone doesn't pull the strength out of someone be that kind of spouse go go kenisha and then so you fight fire you fight it with fire you you become that that person of inspiration that person that speaks life you know what i mean and you speak life into that person into that situation and then you create a boundary um and boundaries are necessary in relationships you know you need healthy boundaries to know okay you know how how far do i go with this person you know and there's a point where no matter what you say it won't be effective anyway right so you pray for wisdom i mean so i'm looking at this in the context of a relationship where you can't get away from this person like you're with them constantly you're so what you're doing and we're not just talking about marriage here we're talking about dating yeah okay so and if you're in that situation where you can't get away you pray for wisdom you pray for guidance but you begin to speak life and you speak hope and that light will overcome it may take a while but until that person gets revelation of the selfishness that occurs with that um they'll be i won't say very little but they're that person has to get that revelation that that is being selfish and that i have to consider the needs and and the thoughts of others so when you're with somebody and you're in a dating relationship with them and you notice that they are takers okay so i t i tell everybody this especially when you're dating when you're unmarried um if you are a giver you will naturally attract takers you will naturally attract somebody that will take so you have to guard against that you have to know how to attract a giver you have to know what a giver looks like when i was dating my husband i'm a natural giver i love to give my time resources in whatever capacity right when i was dating my husband um now husband um i would look for things because i knew i knew i attracted takers this was something i learned and um and so i i would look for things and one of a couple of the things he would do i noticed how he would treat like his grandmother he would just be so attentive and careful with her and he would like fix people's cars like and order the part fix the car and send them on their merry way and i'm like wait a minute you need to charge them for that you know or you need you know but it was just his heart and his ability to give and those were the things that i began to look for and i began to like build upon that so you have to know um one what you're looking for and and begin to to to create that list i always tell people don't create like this list of like oh he has to have or she has to have this this and this but i mean um really think about the character of a person you know and then begin to seek that out if you're dating them when you're dating them you know are they worshipers are they are they um you know givers are they compassionate towards others how do they respond to the waiter and the waitress at the the restaurant you know what i mean like are they pushing their cart back at the grocery store you know you got to be looking for those little things i'm so serious that's a big one because that'll ding a nice car fast sorry but the building things that speaks to that person's integrity and their character and those are the things they're small things but those are things you should be looking for i was always taught growing up that look and observe if you're a girl how a boy treats his mother and the relationship he has is he rude or is he have a great relationship is he loving is he considerate and vice versa for a boy look how her his her relationship is with her dad because the relationship that they have is quite frankly the relationship she will transfer to her husband or vice versa to their wife and i was taught can't she cook that was a big deal and remember she gonna look like her mama so i was taught that that's true i mean i'm just telling you what i was taught i'm not saying whether it's right or not and i was taught does she shine her shoes seriously because if you don't shine your shoes that tends to show a little disrespect toward everything else you own so i look at your shoes praise singers when your worship here but uh so we have different dynamics right you have certain people who don't maybe have their parents in their lives or you know different dynamics right so if you are dating someone in church then you watch how they respond to the leadership you watch how they respond to wow pastor and their pastor's wife you know um and and watch that it's absolutely like beautiful you know having a great relationship takes work we're here working on our relationships because if you're not working on your relationships that's like telling the stuff in your pantry to cook itself yeah you may have all the ingredients for a great cake but if you don't take those ingredients out and mix them together proportionately with the right recipe you don't get a cake so you you may say well i go to church and she goes to church but you have no relationship of safety you haven't created a place where you can communicate that's what these card decks were giving away are if you don't create a place where there's safety to discuss and to share and to open your heart i asked some silly questions early on in this i said you know if your spouse would they rather be in an rv for a year or on a sailboat and if your spouse got a hundred thousand dollars right now what would they do with it if your spouse never had to work again what would their life be like do you know those foundational concepts if you don't you're not creating a space where there's communication am i right absolutely my white which one rv or boat boat in the bahamas yeah yeah i grew up there i would go back i thought about just stopping church live and just doing online for the bahamas during the pandemic and i couldn't talk her into it but uh so let me say a little bit more about that because i'm getting off topic i'm being silly okay reign me and kenisha here we go therapist but you have to think about watch the person's reaction to you you know um so okay go right ahead i'm listening my goodness so what you have to watch for is when you are having conflict and and let me help you with this like conflict in and of itself is not bad unhealthy conflict is so when you're arguing and when you're doing all the negative things during that yes but healthy conflict is so necessary for your relationship you have to be able to talk through things and be able to come to maybe not necessarily you know like oh it always happens on this side or that side but coming to the win-win right but what happens is when there isn't safety when you have someone that reacts and constantly reacts and they're shut down or do whatever what that does is create for the other person they don't feel safe so they don't come to you they don't open up to you they don't share anything or they think oh my gosh they're just got in trouble all right we're like erupt if i go to them so i can't so what you want to do is be able to create a space where you both can better come and say things and do things okay so i got a question because this really just really got me something i wanted to ask i wrote this question we haven't talked about it are there problems in your marriage you can't solve because of personality differences and they just become those agreements to disagree like you know you like bass fishing and i like golfing and we'll just agree to disagree but i'm using a silly answer but are there places in a relationship where you just get stubborn and say well you can have your opinion and i'll have my opinion and we agree to disagree because i have a thought on this scripturally but i want to hear from your therapist right now tell me that idea tell me your thoughts spiritually amos three and three can two walk together unless they agree absolutely so i don't i i have a hard time believing you can have areas that you do your thing i do my thing and we're uncooperative now you fill that in so what you want to do in your relationship is be able to come to a win-win right it it you shouldn't just get to the point where it's just like okay well you do your thing i'll do my thing but it's more like let's talk about this because what happens is those things become landmines in our relationship and what happens is the thing you need to talk about is over here but the landmines are here here and here and you know exactly which one to get to so when it comes to those things that you don't agree on you kind of go right there and boom you you set it off and then what happens is you don't get to the thing you need to talk about you don't get to the heart of the matter so you get comfortable and well we don't agree on this we don't do this so we'll hit the land mine and then we can blow up and we don't have to talk about it you know we don't get to the thing and so what you have to learn how to do is first be able to understand what is it that we're coming together to discuss to communicate about and make sure we stay on topic to that thing and if there are things where it's just like you know what we we don't see eye to eye here then where is the win-win for us there are going to be certain things in your relationship where you'll come to this person's side a little bit more or they come to your side a little bit more on things and then there's the wonderful times where you come to a win-win where it's just like okay we'll both kind of compromise here and we'll go down this road so the goal is to go for the win-win and recognizing now if you're in a relationship where it always goes the other person's way that's not healthy that's not secure it shouldn't be that every time we make a decision it's what you want to do and how you want to do it and those kinds of things you're not considering that other person who now has been conditioned to be comfortable to let you have your way and if you're not careful one day you'll wake up 30 years down the road 20 years down the road and that person will realize wait a minute i don't feel like i have an identity in this relationship i've always been doing what you want to do and i want to do some things that i want to do and now boom and that's where you hear those 30-year 50-year relationships that just dissolve and you're like where did that come from you know what i mean but it didn't just start at that point this was probably years in the making so there's a scripture i would quote right there i keep this in my office i look at it continually all seek their own and not that which is jesus christ we all have a tendency to be a little selfish yes because i think true love is loving when it doesn't come natural real love love isn't natural you know how i know that because god had to tell us that all the commandments are tied up in two and they both have love in them if love was natural it wouldn't have to be a commandment wow i felt the spirit hit when i said that right there i will say it again if love was natural if unselfishness was natural if worship was natural think about because they're all contained in those two commandments love god first and have no other god before him and love your neighbor as yourself that's a commandment he said all ten of these commandments jesus did are tied up in these two because it's not natural for me to compromise it's not natural for me to forgive it's not natural for me to love are you with me and so if you're always getting your way i'll say it because the therapist didn't you have a selfish problem okay you know what the scripture says about idolatry and we think of little statues on a mantle well that's idolatry no stubbornness the scripture said is as of idolatry when you bring stubbornness into your relationship you might as we worship and baal because what you're drunk on is your own opinion yes what you're worshiping is your own pseudo intelligence and what you're really showing is your relational ignorance take that home and put it on your refrigerator you're showing when you have to be right all the time and you insist that it's their error and their problem and their behavior and you're this and you're that not only do we learn about those statements but but listen to me when you're that way what you're doing is you're taking a false humility it's hubris and you're saying i know best be can i just say it again your spouse your boyfriend your girlfriend are not your maintenance project amen stop trying to fix them and fix you i don't know how to say it any planer and i don't mean to sound ugly i just feel like we need to hear it a little strong because this world's trying to divide us because it's all about me and what i want and what i get out of the relationship the word easer when god made eve and i'll give it to you kenisha because i want to hear about some negative fires and then we're going to talk about your personal story a moment but when god made eve he said she is a help meet for man that word in the hebrew is easier okay that literally means in the hebrew someone who is strong helping someone else be strong it is literally the same word in the hebrew when it says in psalms the lord is my helper is the lord subservient to you men are you the lord over the lord are you the boss over your savior no that is someone being strong helping me be strong in unity and a partnership your wife is your easer she's your help me she doesn't take her strength and and becomes something she's not all this foolish talk about obi obey and i got to rule over you come on this is about a wonderful strong partner saying i'm gonna help you be the best you can be and we're gonna partner our strengths together husbands love your wives like christ love the church it's sacrificial it's honor it's surrender it's selfless it's not selfish you can't go to a cross if you're selfish you can't love people you've never met if you're selfish all right i've got to ramp it down we have to die daily because he just said it love is not natural but when you have god which is love and you die daily and you're covered with god then you can get out of your selfish mentality and you can love your spouse in spite of their idiosyncrasies and in spite of conflict because love covers all right isn't that what the scripture says it also says love seeketh not her own oh come on so turn that way and say that they can't see you turn around love seeketh not her own not meaning her just her but her and him you know so there you go i was reading throughout all this i've been studying i've got some books to recommend next week i want you all to read but uh listen to this out of first corinthians and then i want to kind of pivot back to beneficial fires listen to this while we're on this topic listen to this first corinthians seven and three you ready no let's go to two because there is so much sexual immorality each man should have his own wife and each woman should have her own husband own don't remember that word own okay you don't covet your neighbor's wife that's a ten commandment when you love your neighbor properly you don't covet what they have what they own whether that's a spouse or whether that's possessions whether that's wealth you don't covet someone else's things that's a sin a sin s i n and god will judge us for sin now listen the husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs the wife gives authority so she has authority autonomy over her own body and she takes authority and she gives it to her husband and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife you know what that means two become one and what that means is that doesn't mean that they abuse their authority over the other person it means they come together as help meets to make sure the others are blessed we never weaponize the bedroom oh yeah you don't weaponize the bedroom you do not use intimacy as a weapon to reward or to punish or to manipulate you can't you don't do that to your own body and if your body becomes theirs and their body becomes yours you you're in a partnership together now listen cause listen to this because this is pretty cool do not deprive each other of sexual relations unless you both agree to refrain from intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer so it's appropriate there are times when you say we're really going to focus right now we really need to touch god about this we really so i could talk to you singles when you're single and you do not have the additional responsibility of a relationship that's when you build yourself with god stop being miserable you're single and embrace the season you're in because seasons change but until you learn that god has you where he has you intentionally you'll always be searching for something else and never growing where you are now watch this watch this okay and after you after you're done praying and fasting give yourselves more completely to prayer then after that listen you should come together again and i love this look close so that satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control you know what that just said sex is spiritual warfare i just gave fuel to everybody right there literally the word said that the enemy tries to destroy relationships and i told you earlier 35 of all relationships in america are considered sexless all marriages 35 that's over a third but when you're intimate together it gives a defense against the spirit that comes to destroy your marriage so not only is prayer spiritual intimacy is spiritual and the two of them combined will keep you from falling into sexual sins yes i know i'm making you uncomfortable right now but if you're weaponizing your relationship and your sexual intimacy because you're selfish you are out of line with the word of god and let me clarify something intimacy is not just sex so you have in in my opinion mary you might need to tell all the men that again because i'm not sure they know that say that one more time intimacy is not just sex it's kind words it's preparations it's all these different it's attentiveness it's consideration beautiful you know so those are the things you focus on because i tell couples constantly you should be having sex often in a healthy relationship now barring other circumstances medical things there are certain things there are certain seasons in life where you get busy as a couple and you're not having sex as often but but that warfare that you're speaking of and that's why i said intentionally that safety creates intimacy because when you're in a secure relationship with one another you are not only united there with one another but you're not united spiritually so you're combating the enemy and the and the reward to your relationship is that connection that intimacy that expression of love toward one another whatever that is for your relationship i understand that there are certain medical conditions that prevent the full act of intimacy but what you do is you talk to one another you talk about those things that's where you're creating safety you talk about the fact that you know certain times certain things aren't happening the way they should be or because i i work with a couple been married over 30 years and um they they are now coming to therapy you know had some things come up you know with some emotional affairs those kinds of things and it's like but we why are we experiencing this 30 after 30 plus years and it was because he had a medical condition that happened 10 years before they never talked about it they just stopped you know and so they didn't they had they're learning now how to communicate safely with one another so they can build that safety build that confidence build that trust and now they can create so let me ask you this so i'm interrupted with that the greatest fear of a man what would you say it is fear rejection failure failure that's what i was looking for the greatest fear of every man every lady in here remember this failure yes failure in business failure as a parent failure as a husband failure it's the greatest fear of every man you have the ability ladies to make them a hero or a zero and if you keep contributing so they're at their workplace and they're not in control and they're it's unsettling in the economy we're in there they're from the workplace and then they come home and when they're told they're lousy they fear failure they shut down they get angry they lash out because many men the bible says anger is resonant in men that anger is one of the sins that because the bible tells men to be better about anger not ladies okay are we good so far so talk to that because i don't i don't want to take that moment but i personally feel that one of the things that damages relationships when i deal with them is that men are often afraid of failure and instead of the help meet strong coming along his strength and making him and the two of them stronger that help mate attacks his fear and that creates anxiety and stress and anger yes am i making any sense absolutely i mean and that's you said it so what's the antidote and perfect love casts out fear oh yeah beautiful you know what i mean so and define perfect love so learning how to love your spouse the way that christ has modeled for us to love now it's hard for us to love unconditionally we can't comprehend that because that's god's love that's that agape love but what he has given us is affiliate love he's given us a love towards one another he's given us a fervent love for one one another and so you have to know what how your resp your spouse or your person in your relationship receives love how do they respond to love what builds them up and that's what you begin to speak to you know um oh there was a thought that came and it's gone um okay so i'm gonna interrupt since you're thinking you come back to it everybody say this with me say blame is boring blame only works to identify a problem through shaming someone else and since when has shame ever brought anyone to change since when has shame ever made anyone repent all your blame does in a relationship is cause shame blame is unproductive in your relationships blame is boring in the end it doesn't matter go go to shame is vulnerability it's making yourself open to that person and being able to say you know what we haven't figured this all out everybody thinks that the other person comes with this manual that they know they know what they're supposed to do but we have to talk about those things like hey i don't have this figured out i don't know anything about you we have to learn about one another like tell me about you help me understand how you work how you operate so then i can not use it as a weapon but use it as a way to build you help build you up so i can know how to be there for you how to support you you know so so you talk about the first positive thing is security creating a safe place what's the second positive thing for me definitely grace you have to have grace in your relationship the other person has to be have a space where they can mess up where it's just now not like they get to go do whatever they want to do and come back and you forgive them right but they have a space where it's just like we're both trying to figure this out we're you you all have learned a tremendous have received a tremendous amount of ministry and insights right and there are some that you probably want to put into practice but that's the thing it's gonna be practice you're gonna you're gonna do it well for a while you're gonna stumble one of the things i take the pressure off in in therapy is i don't expect you to be perfect don't try to do this and make these changes and think oh i got it and i'm gonna move forward and there's never gonna be a mess up the person that you are with or the person that you're interested in they're not perfect and they're gonna mess up and they're gonna do things and say things that aren't like perfectly aligned but you have to be able to and willing to give grace to one another to be able to say you know what okay that didn't work that well let's figure out what does and then let's let's move forward from here that's a little different married versus dating there because if you're having to give a bunch of grace and you're dating someone yeah you find somebody else yeah because that's that you don't you don't want to write a project you don't want a project the rest of you that's called red flags yeah that's the problem okay so so two fires we got to put out let's do those quick so we got you said safety and grace is the two things we have to create in our relationship the two things we got to put out familiarity you have to fight against familiarity this is the way we've always done it this is what she's always liked or he's always liked or didn't like you have to be having conversations about expectations what is it that you expect as from me as a wife as a mother as a husband as a father continue those conversations because if if every day you come home with the red rose because one time she just beamed and she loved it and then every day you do it and but you haven't spoken to her after five years of doing that and say hey you know what do you think about these roses i've been bringing home and she's like you know it's nice but you know i could really use this don't get offended when she says but yeah and you just can't assume they like burger 21 just because they've been there a bunch with you yeah so but it's kind of like being able to communicate with that person like um say you have a stay-at-home mom and she's wonderful she's rocks at it she's great you know she teaches the kids she supports you house clean all the good things right and she's loving that role and she's been doing it for years but have you talked to her and said you know tell me about how you are operating here are you what else is going on with you do you have any other dreams give her an opportunity to say yeah i've been thinking about this or i've been wanting to do this or when the kids get this age this is what i want to do you know there may be your marriages specifically relationships to marriages you're going to go on a path where i think people stop growing together and that's what deteriorates right but there are going to be times when see if i can do this i'm such a demonstrator um there'll be there'll be times when you're like this and that's when you're in sync and you're growing together and it's beautiful but there'll be times when somebody juts ahead a little bit somebody is going to pursue a passion or they're going to do something and they're going to grow and they're going to be in it and and you may be back back here a little bit so you have a decision at that point where it's just like how am i going to be supportive how is this person going to make sure this person is coming along with them that now all of a sudden i'm not bored with you you don't interest me you know those kinds of things but but you're able to kind of bring that person up and have conversations and saying we're in a different space right now and what does this look like for us now how do we navigate this space now how do we communicate and say okay we're we've been a little bit out of sync let's come together because you know what at some point that other person is going to have a leap they're going to have a place where they hit a passion an area that they're going to going to grow in and your support to them is just going to help you continue and that's how you kind of chug along you know what i mean and you start growing together but what happens is when that gets stagnated where one person is just like going going going going going it's just like that's when you're in a house and you're like i don't even recognize this person or we're roommates you know a house divided against itself cannot stand yeah you know so so we had this thing where we learned uh we just had some people over recently a couple of you people did me a disservice you guys brought flowers to my wife and i haven't bought flowers in a while because she said something to me a few years back the flowers were a waste of money so i thought well i'm not gonna buy flowers because i used to get off the airplane when i was traveling and bring her flowers and she popped off about how i guess i was doing it too much maybe so i took that as she don't like flowers and when a couple of you people came over recently and you brought these flowers she goes she kept watering them and i was noticing they weren't like they were cluttering up the counter and she goes these flowers are so beautiful i said i didn't think you like flowers she goes oh no these are great i go you told me flowers was a waste of money and she goes well sometimes women are complicated [Laughter] i thought i was doing right not buying flowers and saving money and then i'm getting in trouble when y'all brought flowers damned if you do damn you're told so i guess i could say that yeah all right that's how you feel sometimes but what heals that what helps is the communication so i made an assumption she just didn't like flowers anymore yes i should have asked her so babe you don't want me bringing flowers and you know now that i think about it intelligently i should have known that she liked flowers she just didn't like flowers how much i was bringing flowers marriage is about compromise and communication and that's the other what were you calling them distinguished yeah the ones we put out the fires we put out go for it yes it's that lack of effective communication we're communicating all the time but is it effective and that's what you want to do you want to be able to communicate effectively with your your spouse or your significant other you know um you can say something like like what she said was just like you know because i have done that my husband knows he will not bring me flowers because i'm like man that's 50 bucks i could have bought a pair of shoes you know that's what you said yes those things are going to die and that's actually what i said but then other people bring me flowers or you know things happen in there and i'm just like oh my gosh thank you it's so beautiful and he's like who are you you know so been there i'm feeling it i wish we had brains you were all in my business anyway but seriously effectively communicating um that when that doesn't happen it that's what kind of tears things down because you're no longer communicating expectations right when you're dating you're just like oh yes i like this and you find out what the person likes and you do it for them and it's just like oh and you're fulfilling one another's needs and it's just all great but then somewhere along marriage like we get kind of comfortable you know and we stopped talking about those things that we used to talk about before because jobs and kids and life and routine routine you know again familiarity that sense of routine that sense of we always have done it this way but communication healthy effective communication does that and oftentimes we won't communicate again because of those barriers that i talked about before where it's just like well if i say this to them they're just gonna shut down or they're gonna blow up so it's not even worth it or this is going to take us here or i'm going to try to talk to them about it and then we're going to argue about this and we'll never talk about it right so the difference in effectiveness communication is that you're listening to one another you're taking the time like you did when you were dating to like intensively hear what is this person saying to me they're communicating something we always are when you when you respond to anger what you tell me is that there's anger is a secondary emotion okay okay meaning it comes second there's something that comes first there's something you feel first that sometimes is embarrassment yeah or hurt yeah or you know something else that came but it's so much easier to respond to anger i can give you a very elementary example of this literally so you have kids on the playground right and someone comes up and pushes the kid down and um you know the kid gets up and he hauls off and punches the kid you know whatever and so of course he gets consequences they sit down and talk to him it's like what happened you know i would wish we had time to talk about there are consequences for bad behavior yeah parents there have to be consequences spare the rod and we don't like that word now spoil the child that doesn't mean beat that means discipline yes if you don't have discipline and consequences spoil in the hebrew means to make unfit for use so would you like take spoiled steak or spoiled meat and then chicken and then cook it for your family god says i can't even use the gift i gave you because you didn't have parameters of discipline around your children okay go for it go go back to your thought i'm sorry i just had to say it because i watch families go my kids are 17 and they have no structure it's because when they were babies there was no parameters of safety and expectation and discipline okay go ahead what you need in your relationship so you were on the the kid popped the kid on the on the plane he gets his consequences and they sit down and talk to him they're just like well what happened and he's like well he hit me and i got mad well what happened before you got mad what did you feel well i was embarrassed because everybody was looking at me and laughing and all these kind of things okay boom so now i'm going to teach you how to deal with embarrassment forget the anger i'm going to teach you how to deal with when you're embarrassed so when you are embarrassed you can laugh it off you can walk away you have options so same kid goes on the playground get you know trips and falls all the kids laugh but now he's like okay i'm embarrassed i'm gonna laugh it off i'm gonna walk away so what he did was learn how to deal with that primary emotion and that's what we're really working with beautiful when you are we're operating in anger when that's the first thing there's something else that you're communicating that says wait i'm hurting here or you just hit a button and i don't know how to deal with it so it's easier for me to just be angry but if you begin to recognize first because it's your responsibility first and that other person recognizes oh wait we just hit something and we need to talk about what what's going on with you tell me men think women feel so what what do you think just happened then you know when you're communicating i'm not going to ask you how you feel i'ma shut you down but i'm going to say tell me what you thought about that you just you just you just responded kind of abruptly with that tell me tell me what you thought or i'm going to say to you you just responded a little harsh there how are you feeling tell me what you're feeling about that wow great you know great okay i want to pray right now that the four things she talked about the two positive and the two negative we're gonna pray that god would help us to create a safe place for our spouses and our children a place we can communicate security your next one safe security and then what was the next grace that god would make us gracious toward our families okay and then third the negative one tell me familiarity familiarity that familiarity would not be bred into our relationships okay and then next um lack of effective communication okay here we go you ready jesus i'm praying right now that every family in this house would take away these principles the two most positive are safety lord i'm asking you that we would create a safe place a place where their safety to speak to share to love to communicate that men could talk and women could listen and women could talk and men could listen that kids could talk to their parents that they wouldn't have to find someone outside their family unit to share their thoughts with lord i pray that you would let our families be a safe place where we can be ourselves and become better i pray god that we would offer grace to our spouses that lord we would give them the opportunity to make mistakes and not hold it against them blame them not to have vengeance or unforgiveness or anger lord i pray that we would learn god to communicate better that communication would become a central part of who we are that communication would rise and that we would have effective communication that's not selfish that's not filled with arrogance sacrificial love god that would make our marriages better i am praying god that you would not let us get so familiar with one another that we fail to do the romance and the excitement and the laughter and the unexpected everybody just kind of put your hand on your chest and say lord in jesus name make me the best version of me now listen close our musicians are getting ready but when you hear kenisha talk today this isn't just cerebral this isn't just a therapist that's been through multiple degrees and has a practice and works with the va and i want everybody to hear this all you musicians just get somewhere comfortable because you need to hear this next moment but kenisha talks from a place of pain and god has transformed that pain kenisha can you just share a little bit of your story with us here at tampa life absolutely absolutely so um before i was therapist and before a lot of things you know i i was a child of god you know i am a child of god and fundamentally first of all i have to tell you if the bible is not your source of knowledge and wisdom and where to where to go to if that's not your go-to resource and if god isn't the person that or the the entity that that you rely on for guidance then much of what i'm about to say you'll be lost on right because i grew up with understanding that god was there for me and and so i want you to take that as i take you through this journey the testimony of my life you know um so i was um you know first married not to brandon my wonderful husband shout out to brandon micah miles my boys kennedy nadia if y'all listening um but um i was first married and we were long distance dating we met i was going to the church that he grew up in and his family uh i'm sorry he came home he from military duty and that's when we met we became friends you know dated hold on got married and um we were kind of like the the ideal couple you know everybody we were spiritual you know working in ministry just god using us and you know just just doing great right and um but and we were like we know we never argued it was just you know wonderful relationship had two beautiful daughters together all these things you know he was deployed you know he was in the military so he was deployed several times throughout our relationship but we work through those things all all the things that people do and um you know but then that happily ever after came to an end when he was unfaithful and this happened during the time when we were separated he was not we were physically separated he was on uh training or whatever and and he met someone and you know that happened and but we were living in north carolina we were getting ready to go to kentucky and you know i told him this was when i had suspicions but no like actual proof or whatever and i was like listen if this is happening don't take me away from my safe space where i'm comfortable you know don't make me go somewhere where i know no one and i don't have any support let's do this here he assured me we're good so we moved to fort knox kentucky and there i real you know things came to light you know um you know had proof or whatever it is and um you know but at that point i decided okay i feel like i should forgive you you know i should give you an opportunity to this isn't just about me we have a family we have history we have things we've built this is seven years in the making you know um so i feel like it's my responsibility to show grace and that's why i can talk about that so freely to show grace and be able to say let's work through this you know and so we tried and i said but if this happens again i'm taking my daughters and i'm gone like i will not go through this again because what that tells me is that you are unrepentant and i can't do anything with that if you are not willing to submit to god in this and you will continue the then you will continue to operate in your flesh and my daughters and i will not be subjected to that go ahead kill this i'm listening okay i'm sorry about you no i would it's just so i'm transfixed and i wanted to ask a question to keep going so um so obviously um he he showed that he was still interested in this person and it was continuing and i found out about it and so um within two weeks i was a stay-at-home mom so i had been home for seven years raising my daughters you know supporting him being that helped me that i understood what that meant to be so that's what i thought i was doing and um and then you know we we separated so within two weeks time i moved out find somewhere to live i didn't at that time feel like it was good to take my daughters right away from their dad so we moved right outside of the base and i wanted them because what we were going through should have had little impact on them you know what i mean as much as it was going to have an impact but as little as we could make it and i didn't want to snatch them away from their father so i stayed close to the post and just so got an apartment found a job enrolled in school because i had about 30 credit hours and i was like well i can just finish school you know and um so my daughters and i that's what we did and we just kind of i remember sitting there that first night and this what seemed like a big apartment and it was just me and the girls and it was just like okay god you know here we are i'm gonna trust you to take care of us but also we're out of the way so you can get him you know like it was like it was like okay unleash your wrath because you're a church girl he's a church guy and this isn't supposed to happen to you no so what do you do when life gives you a twist that's not supposed to happen to you i mean nobody gets married for it to end and for there to be infidelity no one goes into vows thinking it won't work so how did you deal with that emotion and then you just said something you you you're angry get him you said it joking but you're mad you're hurt so many times there's a feeling of inadequacy that comes and shame talk on that keep going so one of the things that and i failed to mention when we were in north carolina it was probably i would say one of the most spiritually high points of my life i was getting up at 5 00 a.m praying for an hour you know really just building my relationship with god just like i just felt so close and on fire god was using me just different things and it was just like you know great and even in that season i remember after i had my daughters i had two miscarriages kind of back-to-back and um but even in those like god gave me this incredible peace that was just like beautiful wow you know like so so i'm in the vein with god and just just at this spiritual high you know and i thought i was being everything i needed to be as a wife you know so when this hit um as much as i felt all of the disappointment and the embarrassment and the hurt um you know i felt all of that but i also felt god's love and his confidence and his peace and i know that that was because of everything that i had stored during that time when i was high spiritually all those things that were stored up i wound up having to stand on that and the prayers of the people around me because you couldn't pray in the place you were i could not i mean there would it was just like god i don't understand you right now and right now i don't really have anything to say to you so so i love what you just said i don't have anything to say because you're kind of done yes but if you didn't have this reservoir of strength yes already yes you crumple yeah so listen to me listen you have to pray now because of what's coming later sometimes oh yes so yeah people that don't have that reservoir strength don't survive because we don't pray just because where we are to get something we're building a relationship with god that carries us through disappointments because what i knew was what god's word said about me and what he had spoken to me in prayer and how he had built me up in the in that season so that's the what i knew about myself it was a god confidence that overcame that hurt and that disappointment and all those things so i never lost sight of who i was in god and i knew that even though right now i don't understand you i know you're still working it out for my good so so that part is why i said you have to have a relationship with god at every point in your life when you're single when you're dating when you're married whatever you have your own relationship with god you know what god's words says about you you know his promises you know all of those things because those are the things that carry you through his word his promises i know i said god you're not gonna leave me you're not gonna forsake me you're gonna take care of me and my girls and he did the favor of god covered us when i tell you that god is faithful god is so faithful i remember being in a revival at my sister's church and somebody in one of the evangelists came up to me and he said god is going to open the door and i was married to my first husband then sitting next to him i was holding my baby in my arms he was like god it's going to open the door for you to go to school and you know you're going to do great things and all these things but at the time i was a stay-at-home mom raising my kids that wasn't on my radar at the time we were going to do uh you know i was going to support him and his career when the girls got school-aged i was going to finish school and start my career um that was our plan and so when he was speaking those things i didn't sit there and say oh well that's not my life right now so i took every word and it's just like god that's the promise and i'ma hold on to that promise and that promise didn't get realized until years later when i enrolled in school i finished my associate's degree and i had some momentum and then i heard about this program that was in louisville kentucky a little bit further than where we were living and let me backtrack a little bit but when i when i was going through this this season um and i began to pray and when i was like get him god you know and you're pointing right and everybody knows you got one pointing out and three pointing back at you right and and that's what god did he turned it around and he said no and he began to work on my heart and he began to show me that because i'd always known this this scripture vengeance's mind saith the lord and i've always lived by that you know even just growing up and so this time was no different he was like you let me handle that i'm gonna handle you and god began to work on my heart and just i began to pray and just develop my character and god and who i was in him and um and i remember um just kind of feeling i remember we that happened like around may and our anniversary was in june and i fasted that entire day and i fasted for him and i fasted for myself and for our kids but mostly for him and i said god you know you do what you need to do in this season and i remember just just god's hand and god's peace being in that you know but in the midst of those prayers the only time i heard god's audible still small voice and he said one word all he said was stay and because i was contemplating i mean what do i do now do i go home do i you know do i go back to north carolina where i'm comfortable but god didn't want that for me i stayed right where i was there in kentucky where i only had you know church family basically um and i raised my kids in that small town and then when we went to louisville i opened the door here we are years later that prophecy was coming to fruition god opened the door by the way you didn't know and didn't expect right sometimes god gives us a word and we think we know how the word's going to unfold but that word is meant to carry us through adversity and difficulty yes and give us hope yes wow so keep going because there's a there's something you told me last night i want you to talk about so we're you know we're there we're in louisville i'm working on my degrees get the finish my bachelor's degree work on my master's degree um god is providing for us all i'm living off of you guys is alimony and child support and god just blessed us we wanted for nothing during that time you know and and god moved there and and just god kept us in and carried us you know and talk about how god's working on you and then your husband ex-husband calls and tells you about the situation how he's taking this lady to church tell about oh okay okay um so we let's see so we uh this is may our divorce is final in december and um he let's see how do i want to tell you all this so we a divorce was founded in december so a few months later we're in the we're in the car together he came to pick me up because we were going to look at a school for the girls and um i remember sitting in there and in a few weeks back you know like i said i had been praying for him and god god gave me during those prayers a love for his soul so though i had not like the same romantic love for him i had a love for his soul and i and i would pray you know for his soul that god would keep him and and you know get him where he needed to be anyway but i remember i remember when i got the disconnect from that romantic love i felt it something was in my spirit and i just felt boom like i just i didn't feel that same connection like like like a spousal love and it just felt really weird but i was just like okay so we were in the car and um when we were talking and and i said are you married and and he looked at me and he was like well yeah but i didn't i wasn't going to tell you i mean i was figuring out how to tell you or whatever and i said when did this happen and he was like you know a week or so ago and it was that exact moment when i felt that disconnect in my spirit and so [Music] he married the woman that he had been um having an affair with while we were together a few months after our divorce was final and and i don't know i guess because god had put me in this place and and this is where you have to make sure that the world is not the dictator of how you orchestrate and order your life amen because the world will tell you you need to be bitter and you need to be like this and do that but what does god's word say how should we have a character about ourselves how should we walk in healing and how should we walk with integrity and the word of god and and i can't explain this to people without you understanding that my relationship with god is paramount because he has always shown himself faithful and so let me let me just insert i can tell you what the word says psalms 91 he that dwelleth in this secret place right of the most high shall abide in the shadow when you're in the shadow of the most high he's right there yes the only way that she knew vengeance was mine saith the lord was because she was in that shadow right and if you don't find that secret place of the most high you won't be able to walk through the fire yes because seasons will come and fires will come and life will go but if you don't find that secret place of the most high where his shadow is with you continually every single day all day long day and night night and day it's in that secret place oh yeah amen and you will learn things in that secret place god will speak to you and tell you how to navigate your life that's why it's so important to be in a position to where you hear the voice of god or you know what the unction of the holy ghost is and how god is leading you so anyway we we get to that point there's a couple months that go by and um you know uh they i get this phone call and it's both of them on the phone him and his wife and and he's in there like kenisha we've got to talk to you you know um she's been seeking for the holy ghost that she he got her to go to church and um and she's been seeking for the holy ghost and she and she called me and she said i'm sorry and i'm asking you to forgive me and there was nothing in my humanity that could do that but the god that was in me had a love because i had been praying for her and her soul as well and the love of god that was in me was allowed me to be able to pray for her and she received the holy ghost and they began to live for god and do what they needed to do i sent her some literature i was at ladies conference and somebody was talking about she was catholic and um and they she mentioned the book from a lady that converted from catholicism to apostolic and i sent her the book and just was trying to encourage her along the way you know and and i and i didn't tell you all this i had a i had a precursor for this uh so my my former husband had a a previous wife and had a son with that wife and he was my step-son we went through a whole lot with that but i wound up going to her we had built a relationship i went to her home and prayed her through to the holy ghost so so that was the precursor for something that i was dealing with here and that's what i'm saying you can't let the world dictate to you how you should treat people no matter who they are right we are no respected persons we are instruments of christ right we are instruments of god so you have to be ready to be an instrument when you say god use me you have to be ready to do that in situations where your flesh may tell you this is not what i want to do but the love of god that sheds abroad in our hearts that is when we begin to operate in an area of love and a forgiveness that forgiveness that i talked about that's real y'all yeah you know that grace that we have to extend that's real i've lived it i've had to experience it and i don't want y'all to walk away thinking like i'm some saint and i did everything perfectly you know i'm just telling you how god i allowed god to lead you know and so now and so fast forward all these years fast forward you know um i'm in school you know doing great graduated my internship hired me and i remember just kind of being in this position where it was just like you know god you know i'm good my girls are good we're content we're good then a month later [Laughter] so brandon cowden he was already at our church god had actually when i started going to the church calvary because i moved to louisville and transitioned to that church it was the church he grew up in but he was away in texas where we are now actually as their music ministers his first job out of bible college and um so he was there i was in in uh louisville and god was developing us separately and in the ways that we needed that we knew not of anyway so uh so he came to be our music minister and y'all i'm a big nerd right so i used to watch this show called smallville because i'm i love superman and the marvel university see comics all that anyway so i digress um so anyway he came to practice and he had this small build shirt on and my nerd radar went off and i was like wait there's a fellow nerd person out here and so i came up to him after practice and i was like you watch smallville and so i might have dated myself that show is so old but um anyway so we kind of made a connection zechariah 9 and 12 put it on the board with me you ready last night she started telling us the story about her forgiveness and her pain and how she forgave and now she's married to brandon and they're pastoring she has her masters and therapy she works at the va has a private practice counseling people going through marital difficulties god turned her life around she has two beautiful boys expecting another child they're hoping for a girl 14 and a half weeks and i was processing all of this last night after meeting her and dinner with my wife and i and the lord spoke this scripture to me to for everyone in this house i want you to put the king james up for me because i just love the verbiage you've read it there and i look at the king james turn you to the stronghold that's the lord ye prisoners of hope there's not a person in this house that god can't turn your relationship around or carry you through the difficulty to a better place we're all prisoners of hope and that's why the enemy tries so hard to pull hope from us because the only one hopeless is satan himself whose eternity is sealed his judgment is done but there's not a person here who is without hope so if i'm going to be a prisoner i want it to be a prisoner of hope that i can come out god can take my life and turn it for the best possible that no matter the storm or the fire or the difficulty that god can through because faith is the substance of what you hope for are there any prisoners of hope in this house that god can make you a better parent a better grandparent a better a better person a better spouse that your marriage can reach a place if you're just a prisoner of hope i want you to stand to your feet right now god i'm hoping someone could learn to forgive someone today i'm hoping someone could learn to heal in this house kenisha i'm gonna have you get your microphone because you and pd grab yours pd you're gonna pray over this house that god would do a great healing right now right where you stand soon we'll head to a picnic and spend our day together but god let hope fill this house in the name of jesus lord we're a prisoner of hope so we're going to turn to the strong tower kenisha just pray over this entire congregation would you do it whatever you feel thank you jesus thank you mighty god you are worthy hallelujah we invite you you are here in this place and we just pray right now that your anointing would cover lord god right now penetrate the hearts and minds of your people i pray lord god hunger for your word god and the hunger for your presence god to overtake us god lord in the name of jesus i pray that your character god will begin no god to infiltrate our lives that you begin to show us god and show up in our lives and in our relationships with one another with our spouses with our children lord jesus with our in our relationships god we pray god that you become paramount and god i pray god that hope will rise in this place god i pray that whatever disappointments god and whatever things god that people have been dealing with god i pray against lord god disunity and i loose unity in this place god i pray against depression god and we lose healing in your love i pray against fear and we lose god the spirit of love and of guidance and of your strength and your peace god we pray god that your people god will rise up and know who they are in you and begin to take authority in the spirit god we rebuke and renounce this the attack of the enemy god lord in the name of jesus god and we pray that your ministering angels god will come into this place oh god lord in the name of jesus surround our homes in our workplaces god lord let us be light god in a place god that is in darkness god we are spiritual creatures and we pray god that the spirit of god lord would teach us and would guide us god and all truth god lord in the name of jesus let your anointing cover this house right now god in the midst of your people we lose god we lose god direction we lose focus hallelujah god we lose insight we lose businesses we lose finances god lord in the name of jesus god guide your people god lord as we pray god hallelujah god let hope rise in this place jesus thank you lord thank you jesus hallelujah god we love you god we honor you god we know that you are faithful we know that you are healer you are god you are deliverer hallelujah lord jesus god let your anointing come god hallelujah jesus why don't you take somebody by the hand and come to this altar and you begin to pray for unity come if you're in a relationship come bring that person we're going to pray over that microphone start praying over family we pray for restoration god lord in the name of jesus christ healing today into our family's god i speak restoration into our families god by your word and by your spirit i speak it today god i speak healing i speak love i speak joy i speak peace today [Music] allah i find every spirit of division today in our homes and i speak the power of unity in our homes today god i declare it by your word god i speak unity today god in our minds in our spirits god i speak it today i declare it god is shonda rihanna correa i take a spirit god over every division god that tries to divide our homes i speak god let it burn in our homes today god let your love consume us today less of us and more of you god we can't do this on our own god we're not capable of loving ourselves and loving others without you god i pray that you would consume us from the top of our heads of the souls of our feet god with your love cause you said love covers all i speak love into this church today i speak love in our homes today i speak love in our marriages today i speak love in our parents today i speak love to those that are single god and learning you i speak love god today [Applause] [Music] [Music] of the most high relationship god you build it right now hallelujah we need you today god we need the power we need the anointing of your spirit [Music] we need you we need your power hallelujah [Music] i'd be like [Music] let the love burn god let your spirit be alive in our homes be the sister of our homes today god be the priority of everything we do i pray be the center god you said if we seek first your kingdom you would add everything to us god be the sister of god forgive us for being distracted god forgive us god for not making your priority i pray god be the priority and burn in our homes today let it be a fire that burns god he loves let us be house of fire for you let us be houses of prayer for you god let the anointing of your spirit god be in our homes we need more of you god we need more of you god [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] find us together [Music] together bind us together lord bind us together find us together say find us together [Music] stay right there mine is together [Music] find us [Music] [Music] together [Music] find us together together by this together [Music] together jesus find we submit ourselves bind us together [Applause] [Music] amen put your hand on somebody throughout the house the front and the back just pray over them their families their relationship or their future relationships right now pray for god to order their steps their family their lives i pray for every single in the house that lord as their hearing all of this practical application and information that they would lord begin to grow toward the right person in their life the right person that would be the perfect fit for what you're doing in them right now lord i pray for every family and every married couple i pray god that you admit our families together with unity let them celebrate your goodness lord let them believe in the person their family their spouse can be i prayed over this house right now that every spouse would believe in the person their spouse could become to not fixate on what they're not but to believe in what they can be i pray every parent would begin to see the potential and believe in the success that their children could become in the name of jesus i pray for every person in this house that we would learn to give a space of grace through every difficult time in the name of jesus lord help us all to learn to forgive the wrongs that are brought toward us and lord the story of canisius life the heartbreak but you took that heartbreak and now she heals people that are broken thank you jesus only you can make a story like that god and i pray you write a story just like that in someone's life here today that you take the heartbreak and you lead it to healing that you take the pain and lead it to purpose yeah somebody say in me god do it let my pain take me to purpose let my heart break let it take me to healing i want to be a healer of others in the name of jesus lord right now bind our hearts together bind our spirits together we pray over every family favor and blessing in jesus name hallelujah find us together find us together find us together together come around here kenisha said we missed something that she really felt she needs to tell real quick to some of our singles in the house come on up here kanesha i want you to share it then we're going to pray we're going to release you we're going to have a great time together today we're going to get to know each other hang around don't leave fast it's going to be amazing kanesha come on step right up here in the light by me and i want you to tell this part she just whispered it in my ear so after being married for seven years and then divorced i was single for seven years so that time it was just me and my daughters and just trying to work and develop so you know when god tells you you could be all things to all people so i've been the married wife the stay-at-home wife the single the single mom the the student all the things right but in that season i want to speak to you singles about god keeping you in that season you hold on to your integrity you hold on to who god has called you to be even in your singleness you have to develop an identity in god for yourself okay don't let the world dictate to you don't get so desperate that you begin to settle keep your standards high you know keep your standards high keep them god focused you're looking for a lifetime partner not a quick fix you can make a decision in a moment and in an instant that will change the course of your life but if you wait and you allow god to show you who that person is god will bless it in a way and beautifully packaged my husband is a beautiful person and god gave me a beautiful and wonderful husband and father out of that weight you know if you don't do it perfectly dust yourself off pick yourself up and you do it from this point you make a decision today that you will hold yourself accountable get somebody in your life that you can be accountable to do not go out there trying to do this on your own because you will you will begin to do things in the dark that you said you would never do so you hold yourself you found an accountability partner if that can't be your pastors you find your youth pastor you find somebody an adult that you respect that you look up to that can hold you accountable to your singleness that you're not out there by yourself you don't have to do this alone so i just wanted to make sure i spoke to that and to divorcees widows you know y'all this that it's not an easy life because you know what it felt like you know what that love and that security and those things felt like and it's hard to be without that you know and and if it is your desire to be remarried that was always something god put into me you know that i wanted i knew i was built for a relationship and i knew that i wanted this for your life and some people are okay with nope i lost my love or that's gone and i'm okay with my singleness and you walk in that but if you are somebody that does desire that don't desire to it to the point where you're bitter right where it changes a little louder don't desire it to the point where you become bitter because you haven't received it or you don't see it because that will change you will change your character make sure you're walking in that even even like letting god lead and letting god guide you even in those areas if you find yourself being consumed with yourself in those moments look outside yourself find somebody to mentor find somebody to to build and to pour into because that'll bring some of that fulfillment back if you're out there being idle and doing all kinds of things or whatever straighten it up today and come into this house and pour into this ministry find something to do to keep your hands busy okay that's what i wanted to share what a word stay right there what a word listen i was just thinking about her seasons seven years married seven years single and i believe this is almost the seventh year right that november sixth and what day six is this year seven is next year and when do you become the senior pastor this year she said there next year so they're in a season a seven year cycle some of you just need to look over your past and go you know in three every four years something shifts in my life every seven years every nine years something changes look so so she's single and then she's by herself she's going through the motions maintaining integrity god gives her a husband and then god moves her and her husband into a senior pastor capacity starting next year let me tell you god knows what he's doing with your life don't let life sell you short on what you can be because you think you failed and you think you were wronged or victimized i rebuke it in the name of jesus amen [Applause] wow this is a good church today folks all right we're going to pray over the food i really would like you to pray first over what you just said can i do that and then we'll pray over the food so pray over that maintaining integrity and such canisia lord jesus you are the author and the finisher and you know you created us and you know god you dwelt in this in this place god as flesh walking amongst earth so you know the challenges you know the the temptations god but with the temptation you have given us a way of escape and i pray god that your word god will infiltrate the hearts of your people that you would teach us to walk in integrity to walk in your truth to walk in guidance god only led by you jesus and your word and the principles that we denounce god the world the spirit of the antichrist things that are against christ things that are against you we rebuke it over our homes over our internet over all of the things that try to try to re refute who you are in our lives you are king you are lord you are our god and we pray right now god that your anointing would cover god lord and infiltrate our hearts in jesus name jesus name lord bless the food bless our fellowship keep us all safe we'll see you next week god bless you visit with us today wednesday night and sunday we're going to continue a little bit of the burn god bless you

Channel: Tampa Life Church

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Id: nDGE-mmrewg

Length: 151min 14sec (9074 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 27 2022