Stuck between the Old and New (Liminal Space)

[Music] this video is going to be another personal one just like the video i made towards the beginning of the year where i explained what was going on in my life but i just feel like i'm learning a lot through this tough patch i'm going through and it just seems a shame not to pass it on to you i know ostensibly this channel is a photography channel but as i say in my channel trailer i want to make videos that are as much about life as the discipline of photography because i think if we learn to see life better we'll also be able to tell better more compelling visual stories with our cameras so if you're going through something tough at the moment i hope what i have to share with you will help you think about it better and maybe to get through it a bit smoother but if you came here for photography tips i completely understand feel free to tune out and i'll catch you in the next one so as i said in that video earlier in the year a lot has changed in my life in a very short span of time and some of that change was planned and some wasn't on the plan side i always knew i was moving up to yorkshire this year which i was really excited about but on the unplanned side my wife left back in january very suddenly so i suddenly found myself having to make that move on my own so since january i spent a lot of time grieving the loss of that long-term partnership and for most of it i was stuck in my london flat which was filled with the ghosts of our past relationships and i was trying to get myself to the point where i was feeling hopeful about starting again but on a very real level i felt like i was holding my breath waiting for those changes to come so i could exhale and start again at the beginning of april that moving date had finally arrived and i'd packed all my stuff into boxes i loaded all those boxes into this van my whole life in there and i'd hired a car which i threw my cameras into and some of my lights and my computers to keep them safe and i started driving that car i went round the m25 ring road for those of you know london and i just hit the m1 thinking to myself this is going to be a fresh start i'm going to start a new home and hopefully start a new life moving forwards and i almost allow myself to exhale like finally i've made it it's been tough it's still going to be up but at least i can start again but the phone rang and on the other end of the phone was the man who's organizing the house that i'm going to be moving into and he said to me i'm afraid there have been even more delays and you won't be able to move to your new home until the end of may and in the meantime you're going to have to find some other accommodation sitting in that car surrounded by stuff knowing that there was a van following me with all my stuff in boxes it was just so disheartening to hear that the goal posts have been moved yet again it was like i was coming up for breath being underwater and there was only a little distance between me and the surface and i felt like okay i've got enough breath to make it there only for someone to take that surface and move it a lot further and to suddenly realize like oh my gosh i've got this tiny bit of oxygen left and a lot further to go before i can start again than i thought my immediate response to that phone call was anger and anger is always just a sign of fear and i think i was afraid that i've been holding it together this much and i didn't have enough just to keep going in the tank but i also knew that i had no control over this situation i couldn't make it any different and i was going to have to recalibrate my thinking and look at this situation differently to make it through then there's this book which i've been writing for you all through lockdown which hopefully by now lots of you have seen the trailer for and i couldn't be more proud of it and i can't wait for you all to read it i will make a video soon giving you loads more info on it and i'll even give you a little taste i'll read some of it for you but in the meantime if you want to go check it out i'll leave a link down below where you can go and click read up the information watch the trailer and make your pre-order if you think you're interested i finished writing that book back in january and handed it over to the publishers and since then we've been going through things like copy editing and proof reading and layouts and designs and it's been sent off to the printer so i haven't really had my hands on this book for a little while now and i was excited for it to come out and as i was getting into this airbnb where i'm staying at the moment i was stacking the boxes against the wall of all my stuff knowing that i wasn't going to open them for a few months and i'd be living out of suitcases thinking that at least that was something to look forward to is that book coming out but the phone rang again initially the book was meant to be released in early july but it was the publisher on the phone telling me that listen i'm afraid because of supply chain issues and delays because of covert which everyone is experiencing at the moment that's not anybody's fault the book now has to be pushed back to early august and that phone call was yet another blow yet another delay to my life that i had no control over so i was stuck in between homes i'd left my london flat which i knew well but i couldn't yet move into my new home i was stuck between friendships i left behind lots of friendships in london i moved to a part of the world where i've yet to make decent friendships because i've only just arrived i'm being stuck in between having spent all this time over the last year writing you this book but being a way of actually getting it into your hands so that you can read it and respond i'm even stuck in between photography projects because i've left behind the streets of london which i know relatively well and move to a part of the world where i don't really know what i'm doing and i have to start from scratch and even though i have some really exciting photography projects i can't wait to get going on i can't do that until i moved and settled because everything sits in boxes so in so many ways my life right now is in liminal space liminal space might be a new concept to some of you but it just describes a transitional space where we're in between things like when you stand under a door lintel in a house you're neither in the lounge nor in the kitchen you're leaving one thing but you haven't yet arrived in the next i would imagine that there are a lot of you out there stuck in liminal space especially after this last year that we've had i know so many people for example who've lost jobs which means that you've lost something you've lost the old thing but you haven't yet found the new job the thing that's going to sustain you off in the future so you're stuck in between jobs perhaps that also means that you've had to move back in with parents or with friends to help you out which means that as grateful as you are for their help and being able to have a roof over your head that place doesn't really feel like home and you're not comfortable there so you're in between homes stuck in liminal space i know many of you have reached out and said how much you're struggling with your creative drive and inspiration in this last unsettled year as well you've done creative projects in the past but you're really struggling to find that next one especially at a time like this and so you're stuck in creative liminal space where you've done things in the past that you're proud of but you're not yet able to work out what that next thing is maybe most especially i know how many of you are struggling with relationships when i put out that video earlier in the year explaining what was happening in my world i was inundated with messages and comments and emails sharing stories from your site saying that you've had a very very similar experience recently where you've lost a relationship that's dear to you or a partner has left very suddenly i understand the pain of that having to grieve the loss of that relationship that meant a great deal to you and looking forward to a future where there's no guarantee that you will find another partner like that and so you're stuck in relational liminal space in between space transitional space liminal space is always uncomfortable it creates a lot of fear in us and it will generate a lot of anxiety but as long as we can manage those emotions within ourselves and we're reaching out to people when we need help it's a very normal emotion to have in fact it would be strange if we didn't feel that way and i know it's very tempting just to curl up in bed and dig in with that anxiety or that depression and just to focus on that and feed it but that would be a mistake because emotions like that are just signposts letting us know where we are on our journey feeding us information about the fact that we are in an unsettled patch but the only signposts and if we only focus on them and we just wallow in those negative emotions only we may miss the opportunity that chapters like this hold for us that might sound odd you know surely liminal space is just something to be endured and just to make it through there's nothing good to be had out of it but actually the truth is that all religions and spiritual traditions and even philosophy seem to agree on the fact that human beings grow most and grow faster so some would even suggest only grow in liminal space because when our lives are ordered the way that we want and we have more control over things we can almost go through life on autopilot without having to develop ourselves however when things fall apart we're forced to ask ourselves the big questions we've lost a lot things haven't worked out the way we thought so we have to start to turn our life over and look at it and ask ourselves are we actually building the life we want for ourselves or are there things we really need to change and liminal space throws those questions in our face so i've been actively trying to put that into practice because it is tempting just to stay in bed but i'm forcing myself to get up to do that thinking to take long walks and long drives to do some writing to sit and read those books that i've been meaning to read for years and to start to journal and jot down ideas about possible futures and ways i could direct my life from here i've also been taking a hard look at myself because i don't want to play the victim i don't want to act like i'm in this situation because the universe is just being mean to me and i'm a victim because that's rarely the case whenever things fall apart we always have a hand in it we've always made mistakes somewhere along the way and we can't miss the opportunity to ask ourselves the hard questions about where have i messed up where have i been someone i'm not proud of and what do i need to change about myself to be a better person going forward so i've been replaying who i've been over the last decade and taking a look at the stuff that i've done that i'm really proud of and the stuff that i've done that i'm not so proud of and working out how much of this stuff can i lose and how can i maximize the good stuff going forward because i believe that in liminal space we are offered the best opportunities for fresh starts that we ever experience in our lives we've already lost so much so we might as well at least make sure that we get through a patch like this having tweaked ourselves into a slightly better human being this past weekend i met up with a couple of photographers from york and we were sitting by the river having coffee and they were asking me about you know how things are going at the moment what's going on in your life and i started to share about all this liminal space stuff all the things that at the moment i feel stuck in between and then i caught myself saying you know what i think that as tough as this time is that i'm going to look back on this patch of time and be grateful for it and actually see what an important time it was and how that everything came after it was fed by trying to do this patch well even though it's really tough to go through and sometimes we say things because we know they're technically true but i was pleasantly surprised to find that i actually believed what i was saying so if you find yourself stuck in liminal space at the moment whether it's jobs or relationships or friendships or creative projects or even homes it doesn't all need to be bad and if you use it correctly you may even find yourself looking back on this very difficult time in your life with gratitude in years to come so be kind to yourself and don't rush very few of us have the patience to let the new thing emerge organically we all want to rush through it because it's so uncomfortable i know that believe me but if you can find it within yourself to use this liminal space you're stuck in to do real work on yourself a better person will emerge in the end i promise [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: Sean Tucker

Views: 46,082

Keywords: liminal, liminal space, when you feel stuck, stuck between the no longer and not yet, between the old and new, patience, letting go of control, creative block, psychology, spirituality, creativity, motivation

Id: mNxmWbH4ZOE

Length: 13min 33sec (813 seconds)

Published: Sat May 22 2021