Why I took a Break (Dealing with Change and Loss)

this video isn't an easy one to make but um about a month ago i put up on instagram that i was taking a break for a little while because i was going through something tough so in this video i want to let you in on what's been going on uh what i'm learning through this whole process and what's coming up for me in terms of changes and this video won't be anything to do with photography really and will be quite personal so if that's not what you're here for i completely understand and i'll catch you in the next one let me first say how amazing this community is and how grateful i am for your support when i put that post up on instagram i just had a flood of people coming in and wishing me well and it really meant the world i mean normally on a post on instagram i might get 300 comments is a fairly high number but on that particular post 1700 of you commented wishing me well and when i woke up the next morning my inbox was rammed it just said 99 plus and i spent a good few hours just reading through your texts and your messages and your comments and well wishes and it really meant the world to me so thank you so much i'm not making this video because i feel like i owe you an explanation or owe you the details of my life but i'm choosing to i want to make this video because this does feel like a community for me and i do want to share what's going on with me at least as much as it's fair to share with you and when i started this channel right at the beginning i made a deal with myself that i would always be honest about what was going on not just the good stuff but the bad stuff as well because i don't think we help anyone when we just pretend like everything's fine all the time and everything's going brilliantly i think we also have to share our setbacks so here it is back in january my wife left very suddenly and i still don't understand it i mean don't get me wrong we have problems in our relationship like many couples do most couples do and we were talking about it and trying to work through it but honestly through lockdown was some of our best times and we really seem to be doing a lot better so it came as no small shock when she went to work one morning and then i got a text from her on her lunch break telling me that she didn't want to work on our marriage anymore and that she was never coming home 13 years of relationship and five years of marriage ended over a single text and i don't understand what changed so suddenly but i do need to respect her decision however painful that might be for me and i'm not going to pretend this whole thing hasn't left me reeling and hurting and confused especially because i have no answers and no closure and that's why i needed to take that break just to sit and think and process things and work out how i'm going to move on with my life i wish this didn't need to be said and i know for the vast majority of you this would never ever be a consideration but i also know the internet can be a crazy place sometimes so i'm going to say this as strongly as i possibly can leave her alone don't attempt to reach out to her online you are no follower of mine if you attempt to insert yourself in this situation in any way even if you think you mean well i have absolutely no hate in my heart for her and i genuinely wish her the very best so all this obviously means a lot of changes and uncertainty coming up for me and there's this guy on youtube who might be me who talks a good game about things like using protecting your highlights and embracing your shadows not just as photography techniques but life philosophies to put into place when you go through tough stuff so it's really time to put my money where my mouth is and do that work let me start with embracing my shadows i mean this is obviously a very dark and difficult period in my life but i've told you before that i think if we can stay present to those dark periods and look them in the face even though that's painful and stay present to that pain i think it can forge us into better human beings so i'm trying to practice what i preach that means i've been alternating my time between sitting and trying to process everything and mourn it and then trying to do other things that just distract me and lift my mood for a little while but keep returning to that stuff and trying to stay present to it and one thing that's really helped is taking long walks some days i go for walks of 10 20 kilometers just so i've got time to be active and and have fresh air flowing through my lungs but also be thinking about what's gone on in the past and also what my future will look like because obviously now it's going to be very different it's also been good to sit and grieve and cry over this i've tried not to avoid that because i think situations like this insist on being grieved i mean it's always tempting to just do other stuff anything that would just distract me just so i don't feel the pain of this as keenly but i think if i do that i just prolong the inevitable because this will pop up again demanding to be faced in quiet moments down the road it will surface again so i'd rather find the courage to face it and grieve it well now if i can manage it but i've also been trying to take breaks because i don't think it's healthy just to wallow in the pain that we're experiencing only i think we do need to disconnect the points and then come back to it later so i've been doing things like connecting with friends over zoom and skype and just sitting and having long conversations because it really helps to talk stuff out and then i've been plunging myself into work here and there and focusing on some projects that i've got coming up i've been taking some time just to organize my life throw out old things from the house and really start to pare stuff down which just felt good as well and then just taking an afternoon to watch a mindless movie and just zone out for a little bit so that i can return to stuff later and face it well feeling a little bit refreshed when i go on those long walks i obviously take a camera with me as well and take photographs and that's been really helpful once again photography has become very real therapy for me because at the moment it helps my flagging self-esteem just to have something small to do even if it's tiny acts of creation like that that just remind me that this rejection doesn't suddenly make me useless i'm still the same me and i still have things to offer the world and then there's the protecting your highlights part of this because as difficult as this situation is there are good things happening as well it's so tempting when we go through something really difficult like this just to get washed away by the pain of the one terrible thing that happened but i'm trying to inject perspective back into the situation the whole time for myself so that i can guard hope for example i'm moving out of london in the next month or so and up to yorkshire and this isn't in response to my wife leaving i've been planning this for the last 18 months or so i've wanted to get out of the city and out into the countryside and i'm happy to say i've found a beautiful corner of yorkshire just north of the city of york itself which is going to be home for me for the next chapter of my life it's obviously going to be a very different experience now moving up there on my own especially because i don't know that many people up there but i am excited about the context that i'm moving to it's a friendlier part of the country and i'm hoping to meet new people and find a new community up there as well and i've had to start over so many times in my life this is just another one of those and i feel like if i could do it before i can do it again changing context itself isn't a shadow for me it's a potential highlight because it opens up new possibilities for my life and my work i mean there's a couple of photography projects that i've wanted to do for years but they just weren't possible here in london but once i move up north i'll be able to get rolling on those plus i'll be able to make more of the films that i want to make because traveling around in a car from there is far easier to do so i can't wait for those aspects and i've had some people say to me aren't you worried that moving out of london your photography will change and my answer is always the same i hope it does i'll always be able to shoot the way that i did here in london and i'll be down to london visiting regularly and i'll be in other cities as well so i'll still do that sort of photography but i'll now have the opportunity to train my photographic eye on new subject matter and i've been looking forward to that challenge for a while another highlight is that i've been working on a project over the last year during lockdown that i can't wait to tell you about it really is the thing that i've made over the last few years that i'm the most proud of and it's legacy stuff i feel like it's something that i'm going to leave behind after i'm gone that might exist after me and i can leave a mark so i can't wait to show you it will be released in the summer some of you may have already gotten hints of it it's out there in corners of the internet i've hinted at it in a couple of recent podcasts that i've been on but i will tell you everything in videos coming up soon i'm also hopeful that things will begin to open up again soon and that these vaccines are going to do what we hope they will and that i'll find myself now in a friendlier corner of the country and be able to make new friends and meet new people i'll be surrounded by more natural beauty and space and that that will do good things that i'll be able to get out make more of the films and more of the work that i want to because i'll have the freedom to travel more and hopefully in all that i'm trying to remind myself that there is potential goodness mixed in with this present pain that it's not the end that i can keep moving and i can keep looking forwards and trying to inject perspective and a bit of hope back into things even while i'm dealing with this current pain and grieving this loss life doesn't move in straight predictable lines things happen to us that are beyond our control painful things and i i know that i'm far from the only one who's dealing with really painful situations or loss especially in this last year and i've learned that dealing with things like this takes that fine balance on the one hand we have to embrace our shadows we have to face them and not run from them we have to let them forge us and yes you're going to need friends and family to support you through that but it's also going to take your courage to step up to that to stay present to that pain and see what it has to teach you as bravely as you can manage and let yourself grieve all change if you think about it is gaining some things but losing other things and it's really important to grieve the things that you've lost because the sooner you get around to facing that stuff and grieving it well the sooner you can move through and begin to allow yourself to live fully again and on the other hand we have to protect our highlights it's really important for our own sanity to keep injecting the highlights back into our thinking so that we don't just drown in our own sorrow i'm sharing this stuff with you because i want you to know and i know people will find out one way or another anyway and if i don't talk about in a video like this people will leave comments and messages all over the place that i have to chase down and answer one at a time so now you know what's going on in my life and the other reason i'm telling you is because i know there are probably a lot of other people going through really painful tough things at the moment and if any of the things that i'm learning about how to deal with this help you deal with your situation then at least something good has come out of a bad time for me i just want to say thank you again to all of you who reached out and support and left messages reading through those on days where i felt very confused and alone made all the difference so from the bottom of my heart thank you so much it meant the world to me and i will be okay you know it's going to be tough and painful for a little while i'm sure but i will get through this and i will keep making films and taking photographs and writing because it honestly is like therapy for me and helps me process things and it keeps me feeling useful which i really need right now so there's lots more to come and yeah just thank you so much for your love and support i really appreciate [Music] you

Channel: Sean Tucker

Views: 97,805

Keywords: grief, loss, change, dealing with loss, facing your pain, protect your highlights, embrace your shadows, dealing with change, when things fall apart, guard hope, getting over pain, moving on

Id: CqkO_8tfcM4

Length: 11min 50sec (710 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 06 2021