The Healing Power of Self Portraits

this episode is sponsored by squarespace whether you need a domain website or online store make your next move with squarespace [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] about 18 months ago i was sitting in a hotel room killing some time before a meeting just flicking through instagram looking admiringly at the work of photographers who shoot self-portraits and i'm not talking about the ubiquitous sort of thirst trap selfies i'm talking about photographers who choose to present themselves vulnerably in their work at some point while i was doing this i glanced up and i caught my reflection in the full length mirror against the opposite wall and i don't know if you ever have this but sometimes i see myself in the mirror and for a fraction of a second i don't recognize myself and in my mind's eye in just that brief moment i saw a skinny teenager lying on my hotel room bed until i realized i was just seeing myself in the mirror i know where that comes from in my head back in my teenage years when i was in high school i was always pretty insecure about the fact that i was a really skinny kid all the other guys in my class were trying to bulk up and eat lots of proteins and go to the gym a lot to make the rugby team but no matter how much exercise i did and no matter how much i ate i just didn't seem to be able to build any mass i realize that might annoy some people who really struggle to maintain their weight and they might think well that's a gift not a curse what were you complaining about but to my teenage self that was a genuine insecurity and no less a problem i felt like less of a man because of my wiry gangly frame i wouldn't dare suggest that i've had serious body image issues in my life i know some people who struggle with that stuff profoundly and it's never reached that level for me but every now and again when i catch my reflection in the mirror i do stop and think i'm not sure i like what i see and that i think is a very common experience for most of us so in that moment sitting in that hotel room when i had that knee-jerk mental response to my own reflection i decided to stand up and do something about it photographically i took my little rico gr3 and i propped it up on the little table next to the bed and then i took a chair and i popped it in a little patch of sunlight coming in through the window i composed a rough shot i set the timer and then i took the bravest most vulnerable self-portrait i could manage it took me a good 18 months to find the courage to share that image with the world but i had friends of mine who were encouraging me to share it if only to share the story behind it and what it meant to me and it quickly became the image that i posted to instagram that to date has had the most interaction the most interest around it in comments below and in direct messages people started sharing with me their own stories about their battles with self-image and the breakthroughs they've had when they've turned the camera on themselves and i quickly realized that i'm not the only one who's had some kind of revelation by taking a vulnerable self-portrait you see i think there's a problem with mirrors because we always see ourselves from the same angle every day we stand in front of a mirror and repetitively we look at ourselves front on and i think when we combine that with the repetitive obsessions we have about ourselves our perceived flaws and our insecurities we can get ourselves stuck in one way of seeing ourselves instead of having any kind of objective understanding about how the rest of the world actually sees and interacts with us have you ever had the experience that a friend's taking a photograph of you that you weren't aware they were taking maybe it was from side on or from slightly behind and when you look at that photograph later it almost feels alien because you aren't used to seeing yourself from that angle and you look at that image and sort of say to yourself well is that me is that what i look like is that the me that other people actually see when they interact with me i think for better or worse we conspire with mirrors to keep ourselves blind from who we really are when we stand in front of the mirror daily we hold ourselves in particular postures and we make particular facial expressions all designed to hide our own perceived flaws from ourselves but in doing so we blind ourselves to who we really are in the real world when it comes to taking selfies we see people holding cameras at ridiculous angles because they think it makes them look better it hides their flaws but that's not the you that everyone else interacts with every day so you're left with a narrower understanding of who you really are in the world it's self-deception on some level after i took that self-portrait in the hotel room i transferred the image across to my phone and did a quick basic black and white edit on it and while i was looking at it i had this oddly dualistic response to it on the one hand it made me quite uncomfortable i wasn't used to seeing myself like that and it felt very open and vulnerable but on the other side there was something about it i really liked definitely more than the me that i saw in the mirror every day for the sake of some vulnerability i've always had a few very specific insecurities when i look at myself in the mirror you've already heard me talk about the fact that i wasn't comfortable with how skinny i was but i've also struggled with things like the scarring on my face and i always thought i had a funny profile and a weird shaped head and a nose that was slightly too roman i was uncomfortable with how veiny my hands get and how pasty white my skin is and anytime i caught my reflection those were the things that stood out to me however when i looked at that self-portrait i'd taken in that hotel room those floors weren't as obvious anymore i didn't mind how skinny i was in the shot my profile didn't look as strange as i thought it did in my head and my facial scarring actually added character to the shot i even liked the lines in my hands because it it added texture and life to the image i think it was something to do with the fact that i was looking at myself from a different angle in a more vulnerable context that i judge the image almost as if it was somebody else and that helped me judge myself a little bit kinder i think the camera can be an amazing tool for self-discovery if we're brave enough and i'm not just talking about issues of vanity and appearance but i think as a tool it can help us dig deeper and understand who we really are like i said i looked at that hotel self portrait as if it was a separate person so every scar was a trial overcome every line was another year of progress the story of that person's life was written on their body and the fact that that person was me almost felt one step removed so i looked at it kinder and i judged more generously i was no longer stuck in all those vanity issues obsessing about myself it wasn't as egotistical anymore i was able to gain a more objective view of who i might be as a human being and the me that other people interact with on a daily basis if you watch the video i posted the beginning of last month you'll know i'm going through a fairly tough patch at the moment with the collapse of my primary relationship and moving to a different part of the country and because of all these changes that are happening that are beyond my control this has felt like a really good time to sit and assess who i've been who i am and who i want to be into the future so alongside the necessary introspection that changes like this demand i decided to give myself the challenge of shooting a series of self-portraits just so i had a physical way of taking a look at myself deciding if i liked the human being that i built or if i needed to make adjustments and changes going forward in these self-portraits it's got nothing to do with how i look and most of the images i've taken the world will never see but it's become a meditative practice to aid in that self-reflection it's become a photographic way to try and get a more objective and honest view about who i really am and i find that as i'm editing these images i'm also thinking about the events that have shaped me the mistakes that i've made along the way how i'm wired as a personality and the tough stuff that i've been through that's forged me into the human being that i am today it helps me to celebrate the story that i've lived up to this point and to start making plans for a better future going forward so if you're going through something my challenge to you is to try this for yourself you don't have to show anybody especially not online i know as well as you do that the internet is sometimes an unkind place but at least do it for yourself and it doesn't have to be complicated i've kept this pretty simple for myself some days i've set up little pop-up backgrounds and put up a speed light with a soft box on it but other days i've just used the natural light coming in through the window or even shape direct sunlight using the curtains and you don't need a fancy camera for this either you can just use your phone on a timer to take these sorts of images and learn something about yourself the point is though to try and really see yourself not the you that you see in the mirror every day but the you that everyone else interacts with and the you that your loved ones really appreciate i think if you manage to capture a more objective view of yourself and maybe even something unexpected it will go a long way to providing you a more balanced self-awareness and might even help to heal some of those insecurities you have if you struggle with vanity it's a chance to take a break from the high angle duck face selfies and try and capture something more raw and honest to take an image of yourself that really represents who you are especially when no one's around to see if you struggle with self-image and self-esteem it's a chance to take a break from your obsession over your perceived flaws and in the process you might just catch a glimpse of who the rest of the world really sees and appreciates and as you sit with that image try and see that person as if it's not you imagine that you met them in real life who are they what's their story been what have they lived through what trials have they had to overcome and how of those trials forged them into the human being they are today and you might even find that you're proud of the person you see in the image and you may even like what you see thanks again to squarespace for sponsoring this episode if you need a new website or a domain they're a fantastic option i've used them myself for almost a decade now long before they were a sponsor on this channel one of the reasons i chose squarespace is because i have no experience when it comes to building websites and i wanted something that was super easy to use with squarespace you just drag and drop in your elements whether it's text or images or videos and it's really really easy to layout if you have any questions they have a really useful faq section with a bunch of video tutorials that will show you step by step how to do everything that you need to do and if you can't find the answer that you need they also have award-winning customer service that are ready to help you start your free trial today at squarespace.com and go to squarespace.com forward slash sean tucker to get 10 of your first purchase [Music] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Sean Tucker

Views: 98,152

Keywords: self portraits, selfie, portraits, portrait photography, natural light, strobe, at home self portraits, body image issues, mirrors, how we see ourselves, self image

Id: qwEGHa1-Bro

Length: 12min 8sec (728 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 03 2021