STRONG FRIENDSHIPS - PARTS 1 - DR CHARLES STANLEY

[Music] is there anyone in life that you could say my heart has just chained to her my heart is chained to him that is there's the closeness and an intimacy that casual friendships no or casual friendships they come easy you see them once in a while whatever it might be but an intimate relationship is something far more important next on InTouch strong friendships part one how many loving caring devoted friends do you have how many would come to your mind if you began to think about how many friends about really have some people can't even look at their marriage for it then say well here's one some people have a problem with the closest friend that should be in their life but so when you think about friendship casual friends a plentiful but true friends a very few when I think about casual friends I think about that sort of happens quickly but true genuine friends it takes longer and intimate friends take even longer than that and probably it's one of the areas of our life that we take for granted our friendships I can tell you I don't take them for granted in my life because I have some wonderful wonderful friends who fit all the categories that I'm going to talk about and yet a lot of people who live among emma watson folks who are absolutely lonely they can't point to anybody and say that there's a true genuine friend i can always trust in him i can always depend on her no matter what happens true genuine loyal friends are not easy to come by so if you have one or more you should be grateful but likewise you should be asking yourself the question can I be that kind of friend or am I that count the friend of these whom I really treasure and so probably most of us only have a few intimate friends it's one thing to have a friend out there but an intimate friend there's something totally different and there's not a single one of us who does not need friends no matter who you are what your positional in life how wealthy you may be friendship is absolutely a priceless possession when that friendship is built on the things that it ought to be built on so I want to talk about this from the perspective of the value of true friendships the value of true friendships and I want you to turn to first samuel chapter 18 and we'll use this as our background the armies of the Philistines were arrayed on one side of the belly and the thought and the Israelites on the other and the challenge was from Goliath if I kill the Israelite you all serve the Philistines you kill me we all serve you and you know the wonderful story of David and Goliath and the battle and so what happened do you know what happened really and he killed Goliath cut off his head but took his armor and put it in his own tent took off his head and carried it to the king to Saul and when Saul heard and saw what was happening it's interesting what he s he said not who is he but whose son is he and it's in this conversation I want us to look at because here is the true friendship look at this and he first samuel chapter 18 verse 1 now it came about when he had finished speaking the soul that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David and Jonathan loved David as himself Saul took him that day and didn't let him return to his father's household then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself Jonathan look at this stripped himself of the robe that was on him given to him by his father gave it to David with his Armour including his sword and his bow and his belt so David went out wherever Saul sent him and prospered and so set him over the minimum of the war and it was pleasing in the sight of all the people and also on the sight of salt servants now you know what happened as a result of that they were absolutely praising Saul for being an awesome King and then the women made a mistake it happened as they were coming when David returned from killing the four listening that the women came out of all the cities of Israel singing and dancing with joy and with musical instruments and the women sang as they played and said Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands of bad bad phrase in that song because that was the beginning of jealousy on the part of King Saul but if you look back in verse 4 and notice what happened that when Jonathan saw what David did and he saw the courage and the accuracy with which he was that able to be able to take one stone and hit one spot and that Giants head and killing something happened in his heart and so Jonathan the scripture says when he and his father had finished talking he said ask him who Sonny was and then the scripture says Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was owned in gave it to David with his armor including his soul and his bow and his bill that is there was an immediate instantaneous loving relationship that developed between David and Jonathan the scripture says that Jonathan's Saul's son and David's hearts were knit together let me ask you a question is your heart knit to anybody and you could use another word there for that and that is their hearts were chained together is there anyone in life that you could say my heart has just chained to her my heart is chained to him that is there's the closeness and an intimacy that casual friendships no or casual friendships they come easy you see them once in a while whatever it might be but an intimate relationship is something far more important and intimacy is the will of God for all of us in our relationship to Jesus and it's the will of God that you and I would develop intimate relationships so let's just think about what these what these genuine friends would be like number one they delight us that is we like being with them in other words whatever we have interest may be that we're delighted with them and so they're the kind of person that when you see them you're happier when you leave oftentimes you make plans to see them again and so they're a delight to us and everybody needs those kind of friends then of course those kind of friends that we are talking about they they develop us and that is true genuine friends do something for us they they help us in areas of our life by their encouragement maybe about something they give us but just being our friend and they help us to be watch this they help us to become better than we are because a true genuine friend is asking the question what can I do to help you and when you say well here's what I'm here's what I'm dealing with their goal immediately is how can I become involved in your life so that I can help you become the person you want to be the person God wants you to be then that kind of frame we're talking about it's the kind of friend that will drive us you said well we shouldn't drive other people or listen to this if you and I are the kind of friend that we should be and we see potential in someone else what do we do we want to contribute to that I'm gonna make money I'm talking about to that that person their character that is we want to motivate them if we can we want to challenge them we we see what they can become what they want to become what they'd like to become that we see that God has potential in them and so a true genuine friend is always looking for ways to encourage to help to lift them up to enable them and every way possible those are the kind of friends that make an awesome difference in a person's life and so I want to take a few moments to think about it in this light friendships don't happen usually automatically as fast as David and Jonathan hear friendships you have to build and it takes time to build them so what does it take to build the kind of friendships the last thing that are very encouraging and that are fulfilling if we just set up a bunch of blocks okay on the first one what does it take to build a wonderful relationship with somebody men or women time you know we're gonna give them time they're gonna have a fellowship I can have a relationship and this is why people oftentimes get divorced they don't give each other enough time and who our husbands and what a white or parents for example never develop a friendship with their children need a friendship with the children you got to give them time and I made it a promise to myself a long time ago when my kids were very very small that one thing I would do they came to me asking about anything I'm available when they walk in walk in my study I put in whatever I'm doing and sometimes they'd stay out 10 11 o'clock at night and sometimes it might be onset of the night and appreciate next Sunday but you know what they'll never forget that I was always available for them so time is number one so ask yourself the question your friends the person you have a friendship with how much time do you share with them and then there's triumphs victories that is you share those things that you're able to accomplish in life and you are also just as excited about what happens good in somebody else's life and you see what they've accomplished in life and and they've overcome difficulty and hardship and pain or suffering or in their business or whatever and true friendships listen true friendships you're excited about what they're able to accomplish and achieve and you let them know it you tell them well I'm proud of you let me ask you a question now watch this carefully is it you listening say man is it easy for you they compliment somebody really excitedly or do you say well you know everybody knows I did it oh well that's not friendship that's callousness but friendship friendship motivates us to want to praise someone for doing a good job whatever it might be then of course their trials we're gonna have trials in every relationship and some people that's all they have is trials and the reason is because they don't know how to relate to somebody else and you see people who don't know how to relate to people will never be happy and they'll always be trialed so why don't you do this and why don't you ever do that they never get along why because they have never been willing to forget themselves and all the junky stuff in their life and say wow you did a good job I hope I can do that well one of these days myself some people cannot compliment anybody nobody no matter who it is they can't one of the reasons they can is because they feel so inadequate themselves watch this secondly if they feel like if they compliment you it's like they're giving something away but they don't want to give away you compliment people because you care because you'd love them because they're friends and many people have a very difficult time complimenting anybody else for anything oh well you know I know no that's not friendship then of course if you're going to have a real genuine friend you're not only gonna have trials but you you gonna have a thankful heart and and I have some friends I'm just grateful to God just because they're my friend I don't want anything I'm grateful because they're my friends and if you candid your friends we said we said they're all kind of friends they're casual friends who come and go and so forth but true genuine friends somebody you can really depend upon somebody that you know really loves you and cares for you and if you're in need you feel free to pick up a phone anytime a day a night or they call them I'm stuck over here and and have a flat tire whatever now if somebody call me about the flat tire I may be their friend but I'll have to get one of my friends to help them because if there's something there's some things that some people I don't feel very capable of doing and that's one of the things I don't feel capable of doing if I had to I would in fact I have before but I'm just saying genuine friendships the friendships are not built on if everything is just right friendships are built on whatever's going on friendships are built on people's ability to say thank you very much thank you very much now what do they have to do together thank you shouldn't have to do much of anything in fact if somebody says I love that tire oh I like that tie thank you very much if somebody says I need some help and I need some real help I should be just as willing to say thank you for asking me thank you thank you for giving me the privilege of helping you thank you thank you thank you not oh well I guess I can help you you know nobody else can maybe I can that's not thankfulness and then there's thoughtfulness to be thoughtful of someone is to think about them not yourself not how you write the thoughtful for example you write on my card and say thank you or you get sent to my president to say thank you or you go see them to say thank you or you invite them to your house or whatever it might be no it's what does it take to be thoughtful it depends on the situation that person is in and one of the most thoughtful things you can do when somebody's feeling bad and I mean they're down in the dumps if you're thoughtful you will do whatever is necessary to encourage them so ask yourself the question are you a thoughtful person and I see people sometimes who do the most thoughtful things and I think why did not think about that thoughtfulness comes from the inside and it makes a difference in somebody's life and then of course transparency transparency says I'm open transparency says what you see is what you are and that's what you get there people who live like this don't get too close transparency doesn't mean that you just tell everything you know but transparency says when you're hurting you willing to show it when you're in need you willing to show it when you're happy you show it transparency says what you see that's it that's who you are that you don't cover up harder doesn't mean that you don't have some private things in your life but it means that you're a transparent person the truth is before God we're all transparent we don't have any secrets from God and it doesn't mean that you tell everything you know about yourself but it means that you're open you're open what do you want to talk about whatever it might be then I would just give you one last one so very important truthfulness you see if a person's not truthful you can't have a friendship you can't you never know where they are you never know what you are you never know what's going on because if a person is not truthful it's it's like it's all closed up in other words it should be able to be said of all of us when he or she says something you can count on it their words if he says he'll be there you can count on and there are always things that happen that make it impossible but you can count on it truthfulness that should be true of all of us you can you can count on my word whatever I say if I make a mistake I'll admit it acknowledge it whatever it might be now so that's the way you build friendships all those blocks would cover us up up here but these are the qualities that build genuine loving faithful lasting long life friendships so I would ask you again do you have any lawyer loving friends how many of these characteristics are true in your life well you know how would be best for you to start being the kind of friends you oughta be I'll tell you how and that is ask yourself that question what about my relationship to Jesus now he knows everything what about my relationship to him if you want to be a great friend and you want to have friends you start with a relationship with Jesus Christ the friend of all friends he knows you perfectly he's willing to forgive you for your sins wife says he's willing to forgive you today tomorrow and other day you see him he's willing to walk with you help you strengthen you enabled you take your heartaches your burdens your sorrows your sin all of it that's who he is and I'm asking you if you've never trusted him as your personal savings surrender your life to Him watch this you will never be able to be the kind of friend to anybody that you could be and we should all be friends to the Lord Jesus Christ and Friends of the Lord Jesus Christ and have him as our friend if he's not your friend watch this if he's not your friend there your faith and trust and some of your life to him you will never be able to enjoy all that friendship God has provided for you so I would ask you to ask him to forgive you for your sins trust your life into his hands and tell him you want to be his friend and he'll be your friend and then maybe you are in a bad relationship with some of the people that you thought were your friends well just take your notes and look at those blocks and ask yourself the question what do I need to change not what do they need to change what do I need to change and watch your work in your life amen father how grateful we are that you are willing to be considered our friend and thank you that you're the kind of friend we know we can trust anytime anywhere in any circumstance we pray the Holy Spirit will enable all of us to think through our friendships and make whatever changes are necessary which will make all of us more valuable in the kingdom of God and more valuable to other people and we pray this in Jesus name Amen if you've been blessed by today's program please visit us at intouch.org e [Music] in touch leading people worldwide into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ and strengthening the local church this program is sponsored by in touch ministries and is made possible by the grace of God and your faithful prayers and gifts [Music]

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Id: xadAZn0ccAg

Length: 22min 51sec (1371 seconds)

Published: Sun May 08 2016