Stop Making Video Game Movies

video game movies suck how about we just stop kidding ourselves and call it a day here this next one goes out to those movie studio Executives baby girl please stop making video game movies look you've been trying it for years and everything you've pumped out has been laughably bad I mean how did you not take the memo when the 1993 Mario movie came out I mean come on look at the review scores for this movie I mean take a hint but oh no no you'd rather keep suckling that sweet video game movie T just pulling that sweet liquid until it runs dry this looks this doesn't look right does it Hitman Max Payne Mortal Kombat Tomb Raider still the [ __ ] Need for Speed uh uh that one Resident Evil what did they find in Grandma's medicine cabinet that's got them pumping out these horrible movies you see the answer is simple you you see if you want a good steak you don't ask the baker to make it and if I want a pet raccoon I'm not going to go to the pet store and buy a dog I'm gonna go out into the wild chase this thing down and pick it up and take it home to be my son point is don't ask people who don't give a [ __ ] about video games to make a movie based on the video game a video game movie is just never gonna be good if you don't care about the source material that's not to say a video game movie needs to be a direct copy of the game but if you're just gonna abandon it why even associate it with the game to begin with did you know they made a doom movie like the first person shooter that Doom they made a movie of that I want you to imagine what you think a doom movie would look like just get it get a picture in your head all right it churned up like some butter like some Butter Churn it turn it all right you got it now I want you to imagine the exact opposite of that and add Dwayne The Rock Johnson that is the Dome movie I'm gonna explain the plot of this movie as quickly as possible so basically this group of Eggheads gets together and they're like oh we gotta do this thing I don't know what they were gonna do but they go through this thing of a [ __ ] and they're like and then run around like I'm doom I'm doom I don't really know I stopped paying attention I was playing Doodle Jump on my phone they spent 45 minutes of this movie sneaking around how often when you're playing Doom are you sneaking around never you're not you're shooting things and feeling awesome to be completely Fair maybe the non-stop action just wouldn't translate well to a film so let's bring it down to the core when I think of Doom I think of killing demons and in this movie there are no demons the closest thing to a demon is this guy who should be put on a list we're under a level five quarantine so I am just gonna have to strip search you girls hey leave her alone so the writers of this movie essentially just stomped on the plot and kicked the World building out the window I mean at this point why even call it Doom the only thing Doom related is this first person action scene that's actually I don't know it's pretty cool [Music] but I shouldn't have had to wait to the last minute of this movie to see something related to the game and that is why Doom was a failure if you're not going to respect the source material when you're making an adaptation just don't make the video game movie go work for Disney instead they love that [ __ ] and you know what else Disney loves oh their favorite white boy Tom Holland now you might know Tom Holland for playing a little [ __ ] in Spider-Man but you might not know Tom Holland for playing a little [ __ ] in Uncharted a movie based on the video game by the same name yeah Tom is meant to be portraying this guy that's right he is supposed to be him bit of a turn as far as casting goes but you're pretty familiar with a hard left curve aren't you Tom now if you've never played Uncharted it's basically just Indiana Jones with less Whip and more Nae Nae I'm not gonna do the dance I'm just gonna say it God but what the now if you've never played Uncharted it's basically just Indiana Jones with less Whip and more Nae Nae you run around the world is Nathan Drake collecting all these little Trinkets and Treasures and unlike Doom the movie actually takes that plot and runs with it while the story wasn't fantastic I the problem is really just with these characters I I I I I I hate them both of the main characters are just completely different from how they are in the game where game Nathan might say something like this is that an ancient Tibetan ritual dagger in your pocket well maybe I'm just happy to see you yeah movie Nathan will just drop one of these on you yeah come out to play with that big boys win because you're about to get a proper Scottish welcome I'm sorry now don't get me wrong I think Tom Holland is a phenomenal actor he just somehow managed to turn Nathan Drake from a wet rag of a man to a moist towelette of a man if that makes any sense and look at that they got Mark Wahlberg in the movie yeah that's great that's great casting you know he does in this movie what he does in every movie uh he gets down on all fours starts running around the set of the studio and he starts screaming I'm Mark Wahlberg and Mark Wahlberg I love you mark keep it up if you don't think too hard about the video game and where it came from you just take it for what it is it's a good movie but the writers just didn't understand the characters or the journeys that they were on and so Uncharted failed you see the funny thing about Mark Wahlberg is this is not the first time he's done this travel all the way back to before he was Sully he was the star of the show in 2008's Max Payne see I can't even blame Mark for this one though Max Payne Falls victim to the second reason why video game movies never work which is that they always get luck you see the average movie runs to be about two hours ten minutes long and the average video game runs to be 10 hours meaning that most video games are five times longer than movies and when you try to take this beautiful 10 hours of story and development and crunch it down to be two hours it is going to be confusing Max Payne's biggest criticisms were that the plot just just didn't make any goddamn sense Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis are in two movies together Max Payne and Ted it's just mind-blowing to me that if these two movies it's the one with the Peter Griffin weed smoking titty sucking teddy bear that makes the most sense you can't just take all of that story and crunch it down or it's not gonna make sense which is why Max Payne failed and there are so many other movies that fall victim to this Tomb Raider somehow confusing and boring Mortal Kombat this one was confusing but I actually kind of liked it Resident Evil to be completely Fair the game is confusing too and Assassin's Creed I'll be honest I love Assassin's Creed and I was so hyped for this one and it shattered my world with it insanely boring plot I don't want to talk about it too much it doesn't even deserve my time it just decided to be two movies and neither one of them were good none of these movies were able to condense the plot of their video game counterparts and therefore they failed now on the flip side of that taking a game with no real plot and trying to stretch that out and turn it into a cohesive story for a movie is a huge challenge to point out the 1993 Mario movie again I mean they just took some of like core elements of Mario and ran with them 80 miles south found a little wet ditch and got in there and rolled around and all the mud just started getting it all over their clothes and their bodies started getting naked and rolling around in the mud I mean how do you go from this to this I just don't it just doesn't make sense what makes you think you can take one of these nonsensical video game characters and just plop them into a cohesive story and it'll make sense I mean take Sonic for instance right his stories are just confusing as hell I don't really know what happens I think he's like a werewolf at one point all I know is he's a blue Hedgehog and he runs around collecting coins there's no way you're gonna turn that into a movie that makes sense uh okay maybe I was wrong every video game movie I've watched over the years has just been more and more disappointing of all things to break the curves I just I didn't think it was gonna be the Blue Rat but somehow the Sonic movie is fun and light and the studio listens to the fans because when they release this design of Sonic that looks like weasel from DC Comics that's a niche reference nobody's gonna get that but this looks like weasel from DC Comics they spent a year on this movie fixing how Sonic looked because the fans asked them to although ask may be a bit of an understatement the concept of Sonic is absurd and this movie takes that and Embraces it it runs with it do you see what I did there they also added in who I'm pretty sure are completely new characters who are along for the ride and and kind of experience this Insanity along with you which just it adds to the humanity of the film in my opinion it makes it feel more real Sonic the Hedgehog is a good [ __ ] movie it understands what it wants to be and it has respect for the source material at least in the idea that he's a blue Hedgehog that runs around collecting rings I mean sure the movie's geared towards kids but honestly the games are made for kids right or or at least they were you know now they're made for people who hate Sonic you know maybe that's just it though you know these video games are just too silly to make in the movies so they've got to lean into that you know you can't take a video game and turn it into something serious in tone you know that's just gonna come out stupid yeah you could do whatever you want over the last few weeks I've been watching HBO Max's adaptation of The Last of Us and I went in pretty skeptical and was very surprised you see this is a video game adaptation that not only has respect for the source material but love the showrunners obviously have so much care and passion for these characters and the journey that they're on every single scene from this show is shot and performed expertly even scored with the original soundtrack from the game you see unlike other video game adaptations The Last of Us doesn't try and crunch its Story down into an incomprehensible two hours but instead it lets it play out naturally the same way it does in the game through nine hour long episodes nothing here got Lost in Translation the writers for this Last of Us adaptation they get it finally they're starting to get it and as great as this show is it's still the needle in a haystack of uninspired video game adaptations as much as I enjoyed the last of us or sonic I can't definitively say video game movies are getting better what I can say is that it's made me realize we this isn't the first time we've gone down this road books turned into movies the outcry of people saying the movie sucks the book is better you see I've read and watched Harry Potter and both versions make me want to Avada Kedavra myself but see it doesn't even stop there we have comic book movies I mean look the first Hulk the the X-Men movies Batman Forever when Batman had the nipples why did he have nipples these movies were garbage I mean they're my garbage you know I love them but objectively horrible Creations through all the troubles and missteps these book adaptations brought us things like Jurassic Park or the Lord of the Rings and comic book adaptations you know once they were taken seriously brought us things like Spider-Man 2 or the Dark Knight and now looking at the top 10 highest earning films four of them are comic book movies I'm not saying video game movies are going to do the same as book or comic movies I'm just saying maybe there's I'm gonna do what I've regretted doing at least a million times and I'm gonna get my hopes up as I'm recording this video the new Mario movie has just come out 30 years of mediocrity has gone by since the first one and at this point I'm just sure with the thing have they learned from all these mistakes is this the end of the terrible video game movie era I don't know but there is something poetic about the idea of Nintendo 30 years later turning it all around with the same IP that started it all I can make all the assumptions and judgments I want to but ultimately I'm not gonna know until I go and watch the movie so that's what I'm gonna do we're gonna go watch the movie and you're coming with me [Music] it was good now I'm not gonna spoil it so don't worry about that I'm just gonna say it was a fun movie I'm sure thousands of sweaty men who use ax body spray are gonna go around saying this was a soulless cash grab but the movie was entertaining and fun and it did exactly what it set out today when I sat down in the theater it was pretty packed in there and generally that would make me anxious because frankly I'm terrified of someone trying to murder me in a public place but this time around I wasn't so nervous because they were all middle schoolers so even if they all came at me at once I think I could still be just pick up one of the skinny ones and start using them like nunchucks anyway there was this kid who sat down next to me and he obviously loved Mario he had on the whole costume and he was bouncing up and down with excitement he laughed at every single joke in this movie and as he laughed more I found myself laughing more too the pure joy he felt watching this movie was contagious and I'm no professional reviewer but any film that can do that for even just one kid it's nothing I would ever call soulless maybe we're at a turning point you know maybe these kids who grew up loving these video games are finally old enough to be the people behind the film adaptations or maybe the video game movies were never necessarily bad to begin with just not all for me I like to think even in the original Mario movie there was somebody in the audience there oozing with excitement the same way that kid sitting next to me was in my opinion that makes it not a failure just not necessarily for me please keep making video game movies you know I'm sure some of them aren't going to be that great but as long as you're making them with that one kid in the audience in mind I think it's worth the risk unless you're one of the people behind the Assassin's Creed movie you sick [ __ ] please click this video right here it's a video where I poorly explain the plot of Resident Evil 4 even if you haven't played the game it's still like a funny video that I did just go ahead and click that right now okay

Channel: bizlychannel

Views: 68,885

Keywords: mario, mario movie, super mario bros movie, video game movie, video game adaptations, live action mario, super mario movie, bizly, bizlychannel

Id: qU-iwSfdyU0

Length: 14min 41sec (881 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 07 2023