(upbeat music) - [Narrator] From West
Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter
before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. - Good evening, and
welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't
know what we're about to say and we're not allowed to smile or laugh. I'm Car-less Mencia. - I'm a Birdy in a Bottle Baby You Gotta Rub Me the Right Way. - Tonight's first story, Things That Go Woop in the Night. Now these are things like
owls and ghosts and the wind. What a fascinating topic and not much is known about
Things Go Woop in the Night. We hardly even covered it in school. Maybe a couple years in elementary school and then again in high
school, but that's it, but I'll tell you one thing, keep those woop noises out of here. They scare the living pizza out of me. - You can say that again, I'm a Birdy in a Bottle Baby You Gotta Rub Me the Right Way. - My least favorite woop? This one. (exaggerated woop) - Oh, god! That was awk-ful! That's a word I just made up that combines awkward and awful. I'm trying it out. - I know. - Here, now let me try one. (exaggerated woop) - Gross! I want to die, but for a
different reason entirely. - And what reason is that? - I wanna see if you really get to eat all the ice cream
you want in heaven. - That's beautiful. Now, let's head over to Entertainment News with Rick K Brick. - Thanks, Car-less Mencia. Kids everywhere are putting
on their sneaker shoes and getting ready to dance to all the latest jams of the summer. - Jams? Jams? Let's talk about jams. I hope you have some
examples of these jams. Are we talking strawberry jams? Blueberry jams? Raspberry jams? - No, you foolish little (bleep). I'm talking about song jams. You know, music to make our hips sway. - Well, get to it then. - Songs of the summer go like this. God built up a city. He tossed down some propane. It started up a fire and
now the trees are dead. - So good. - Other songs go like this. Spanking for the boys. Hard spankings for the boys. Oh, I'm singing spankings for the boys. Hard spankings for the boys. Their buns will burn. (laughs) And their buns will burn. Hard spankings for the boys. - Really good melody on that one. - I didn't include a melody in that one. (laughs) Because if I do, we won't
be able to legally use it. And still other songs go like this. Mr. Hamilton said, "don't do it." Mr. Hamilton said, "it's a trap." Mr. Hamilton said he loved me and then he took it back. Oh, I got the blues. Macaroni and cheese. - I am sorry to interrupt, Rick K Brick, but I'm getting word that
we have breaking news from the local mall. Reporter Tim Taffy is live at the scene. Tim, give me some of that news and give it to me the way I like it. - This just in, a bunch of (bleep) kids are about to (bleep) eat (bleep). They keep doing that gross thing
where you flip your eyelids and it's freaking me out so much. I'm about to lose it. - That sounds awful! Why would they do that? - I don't know, man. I'll just be standing here
and one of them will say, "Hey, news boy, get a little
of this hot picture of my mom." So of course I'll turn to look and there will just be a
regular picture of his mom. - Beauty is in the eye of the something. I don't know what. - Shut up, I'm talking! Anyway, I'll say, "hey
that's not particularly hot." And he'll lower the picture and it'll just be him
with his (bleep) eyelids! I hate it. It's not fair that I have to be on the street with the people and you guys get to be in a studio. - Anything else to report
about the children? Is there anything? Anything else? - Yes! They've been throwing
eggs at me left and right. I'll turn left and there will be eggs. I'll turn right and there will be eggs. Where the hell are you getting
money to buy all these eggs? - Fascinating. - Also, someone said they liked my shoes, but I get the feeling they
were actually making fun of me. It was something about
the way they said it. It made me really self-conscious. This is the worst job. - Well, that's all the
time we have tonight. Thank you to all our
viewers for tuning in. Before we go, we have to
acknowledge this week's loser. Me! - [Lily] Andy Bustillos. - [Andy] That's right, that's my name. Thanks for watching. - Don't wave. - Don't wave. - [Brennan] Don't wave. It (bleep) up the green
screen when you wave. - You (bleep) loser. - Andy. - [Lily] Andy. - Don't you hear what I'm saying? - I didn't know. - Andy. - No one told me. - [Narrator] Like what you just saw? Of course you do. You're an informed citizen! Well, guess what? 10 more episodes of Breaking News will be available for you
exclusively on Dropout. Go to dropout.tv and start
your free trial today. (laughs)
