Someone you love could be a sex worker | Valerie Scott | TEDxToronto

as young children we are taught to dream dream about where we will live what kind of careers we will have and what kind of lives we will lead my dreams are a bit different now I dream that one day I can have an apartment in my own name and my very own credit card I dream that I can open my own tax-free savings account to begin saving for the business venture I would like to start but for me because of my choice of career because of the current laws of our land my dreams are unobtainable sex workers have always had to fight we fight for our safety fight to have our voices heard fight for the rights to choose our careers and carry out our jobs we are fighters but we also have dreams my biggest dream is that one day I can stop fighting and have the world simply see me as a person I've been a sex worker for a long time owing to the stigma associated with my occupation not many of us can come out and say that let me guess at the thoughts that some of you are likely having I'll bet she was forced into it poor thing she probably didn't have any other opportunities she's kind of old where her thigh high stiletto boots is she wearing underwear the answers are no not forced in any way I did and still do have other opportunities yep kind of old never owned those boots and yes I am wearing underwear a lot of people have ideas of who sex workers are the prevailing notion is that we either walk around in ball gowns dripping diamonds in our penthouse condos or we live in rat-infested hovels with needles in our arms the reality is we are everyone and everywhere we are regular human beings who do ordinary everyday things we have spouses children and pets we are at the PTA meetings and we are soccer moms you may think you haven't met a sex worker before but the odds are strong that you may have known at least one for a long time we are in your communities we are the same people who are in your families we shop at the same grocery stores we're in your yoga class and chances are there was one of us at that family gathering you went to last summer quite often I am asked the question how did you become a sex worker or what got you into prostitution the truth is TV westerns made me want to become a sex worker long before I knew about sex as a young girl I was entranced by the colorful and independent lives the saloon girls saloons were in the center of town everything happened there music dancing business deals including card games that seemed to be of great importance saloon girls had their own money and sometimes even owned the saloon the contrast was the cowboys wives who invariably lived in rundown shacks on the outskirts of town they always had squalling babies hanging off of them and they looked half starved they had to do what the cowboy husbands told them to and were constantly worried I knew what kind of woman I was going to be when I grew up I was going to be a saloon girl so for me it was westerns for my colleague Delores it was an episode of I Love Lucy I can see the headlines now primetime TV forces girls into prostitution but when you get to know as many sex workers as I have over the past thirty years it becomes clear that for most of us the reason is simple it's a job sex work is my choice of work and you may find this hard to believe but I like it the work has benefits we choose our own hours set our own fees decide what kind of sex we do and don't do we choose whom we see and under what circumstances it's a myth the clients dictate what goes on behind closed doors so who are my clients who are the men who pay for sex in such a straightforward manner they are your colleagues your neighbors your uncle's your brother's your father's and your husband's they are doctors academics teachers off-duty policemen restaurant owners computer programmers musicians and accountants most people think that accountants must be boring in bed that is incorrect many times I have seen new clients who are so nervous their hands are shaking when they give me their money or that look of fear clients give you when they take off their clothes they're worried their bodies won't measure up or the client who came to see me several weeks after his wife died of cancer he was so lonely and heartbroken we didn't have sex he just lay in my bed holding me while he cried and then talked about how much he loves his wife and how the house is now cold and dark when he comes home from work throughout my many years in sex work I have met some wonderful and caring clients one I sell for over 20 years and that is longer than some marriages though usually a regular client lasts between three and five years sex with clients is highly ritualized there is emotion involved but it is not the kind of romantic relationship that a person would have with their girlfriend or their spouse it's more of a friendly kind of sex not all of my clients are wonderful most are simply ordinary men seeking intimacy with another human being via sex being intimate with another person is a very human trait some of my clients are differently abled this sort of work is more involved but seeing a para or quadriplegic has never bothered me as well there are all kinds of disfiguring disabilities and I believe that these men and women should have the opportunity for sexual intimacy also along with the good clients I've experienced the very few who were rude fewer still are predators pretending to be clients when I email and talk with a potential client on the phone I find that a predator will usually tip me off to the fact that he means harm sometimes I can't even quite put my finger on what it is during the conversation but I know it's there I don't book those guys but what if I miss the tip-off what if he hides it too well Canada considers itself to be a progressive society yet Canada has recently adopted a version of the failed Swedish laws this means that if arrested my clients can go to prison for up to five years I am forcibly sent to a region program for moral retraining all of this because some consenting adults agreed to have consensual sex with some other consenting adults because of these new laws many good clients are hesitant to see us fearing we may believe be the police doing a sting as a result clients call from blocked numbers we don't know who we are seeing we can't do our due diligence to help keep ourselves safer this is a gift to sexual predators pretending to be clients because they we now fear the police as much as we fear them working in isolation and under these new laws is dangerous and can be deadly stories of danger are all too common place for me in my colleagues like Tara who was raped by a predator Leanne a third-year university student who was viciously beaten and robbed and my friend Stacey who is no longer alive to help us fight for the rights that we so painfully need being afraid to call the police perpetuates the harm because that predator will continue to harm other women you may think that this has nothing to do with you but know that these predators practice on people like me before moving on to women who are not in the sex trade the other day I began reading a basic history of art the book talks about how people will often say I don't know much about art but I know what I like the authors maintain that what people are really saying is I like what I know and they hope to broaden people's understanding of how art I hope that by being on this stage I can help open a discussion and broaden the understanding of sex work the foundation of what I do is identical to what many other independent and successful contractors and entrepreneurs have created I need to market myself to attract new customers I spend time cultivating my loyal customer I work with my clients to understand and meet their needs i network with others in my field I facilitate a fair exchange for services I enjoy what I do on most days and I chose my career because I am passionate about it now think about your current job or career choice why are you doing what you do I trust that you have made the best choices for you and my hope is that you follow your dreams along your chosen path I don't expect you to ask me to agree with your choice to be a pilot a social media specialist a musician or a nurse and that's the thing I have never asked anyone to agree with my choice of work because it is my choice I don't want any special rights or privileges but I do want the same rights and privileges that are afforded to you when you follow your career aspirations sex workers are keenly aware that rights come with responsibilities and I have no issue with responsibilities that are based on fairness and logic New Zealand took a brave step and decriminalized our occupation in 2003 in that country sex workers rights are entrenched into law including the Human Rights Code violence against my colleagues in New Zealand has dramatically decreased as well they have quite a number of responsibilities including paying income tax it's not utopia but like democracy decriminalization is sure better than the alternatives it's time to stop the moral panic and give sex workers the same rights as all other workers we must evolve as a society and continually give each other the gifts of choice and respect moving from a place where we are quick to judge to a place where we are curious and ask questions and respect each other because at the heart of everything we know we are all human thank you you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 265,495

Rating: 4.6906075 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Canada, Life, Sex

Id: 9zDqmedFE_Q

Length: 17min 4sec (1024 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 07 2015