I can't believe
I'm finally back. I know it's been so long. Did you miss me? Of course I missed you. You look fantastic. Did you didn't want
to invite me, or what? No. Or was it a pandemic? Because that's everyone's
excuse for everything now, the pandemic. Yeah, that was the excuse,
but couldn't escape you. I haven't seen you since
like Modern Family. I know, since we had
all of you on at the-- The group. It was like three
years ago, right? Was it? Yeah, I think it was. Do you not know when
your show ended? No, I don't want
to think about it. Yeah, well-- The show didn't end
three years ago. It ended a year and a half ago. One year ago. But I miss it, so I don't
think about bad things. Oh. You miss me, so you don't
think about bad things. I miss you, but I miss
Modern Family more. Well, I miss you, and
I'm glad to see you. Thank you for being here. No, thank you. Thank you for having me. I was so excited when they
told me that you finally had invited me. Oh my God. You are welcome any
time, you know that. Let's talk about your doggie. You got a dog, and
it doesn't like you. I don't have a dog. Yeah. It's not mine. Joe has a dog. Joe has a dog. It was a dog that
was-- look at her. Idiot. It's a chihuahua? I mean-- It's an idiot? It doesn't even look
like a chihuahua. It's like, it looks like
it's some kind of teddy bear. Look at them. Look at them. Yeah. It's like, I don't even know
why I live with them anymore. Yeah, so you got the dog. It was for me. Did you get it, or did
Joe get it for you? No, I got it for myself. She arrived, and
completely ignored me, went straight to him. She has taken everything
that was mine. It's not laughing thing. Yeah. It's horrible. She has taken my husband. My bed. You know-- She sleeps in bed with you? Not with me, with Joe. They sleep together, and I
sleep there on the other side. It's like it has become
something so weird, but I have to say it's her
fault. It's not Joe's fault. She's obsessed with him. Yeah, well, he's
easy to obsess over. He's a-- Yes, but not to that level. It's like she hates me. If he has to go away for work
or something-- a meeting-- and she knows that she has
to stay with me in the house. She knows she has
to deal with me, but she won't do eye contact. It's always looking out. I put her here, and
she's always looking out. Every little noise, every
little thing, the garage door-- it's just-- she cannot enjoy
the time with me? No. It's just I know I have to
sit with you because you're the other person here in
this house, but she hates me. I have that with my three dogs. They prefer Portia. The three of them? All three, so I have
the same situation. Oh, so you must
be worse than me. I must be. I think I'm pretty good to them,
but they just really love her more. And it's frustrating
because I feed them too. I do things, you know. So what I was
thinking then maybe I need to get
another dog, but it could happen that the next
dog could fall in love with him and not with me. No, I was going to suggest that. I think you should
get another dog. What's the dog's name? Phoebe? Bobo? Bubbles. This one is Bubbles. I was just making a name up. We adopted her, and she
came with that name. We rescued her. That was her name, Bubbles. You can change it, you know. I've changed names. Yes, but how horrible
to change someone that is already six years old. In dog years, she
was like, what? Like 50 something, so change
her name for no reason-- to put what kind of name? Taquito, or Burrito, or what? It doesn't have to be
Taquito or Burrito. You could come up with
anything other than Bubbles. They will get used to it. We've rescued animals
and changed their names. Horrific. It's not horrific. Let's talk about you now. Let's look at this picture,
and tell me when this happened, and what the hell
you were doing. Oh, oh my God. Yeah, well I posted
recently this picture and, and it's a mystery
to me because, I mean what could I have been
doing in a shoe that big, first of all. Well, it's a prop. It's not really a shoe,
let's make sure we know that. It's just a prop. What do you mean,
it's a high heel. Yes, it's a-- OK, so-- What would have
been the situation that I decided this is a good
idea to sit-in a red bikini, I was super hot at
the time though. Yeah. You look good. I was young and fresh. But you were modeling. I was not modeling. Well then what were
you do-- you're not working at an office. I mean, what are you-- what are you doing? I don't know. It must have been-- I don't know. I was doing something,
but I don't really know. And maybe people convinced
me on doing things that I didn't want to do. I don't know. How old were you there? I must have been like 22, 23? 22. Well you know, at that
age, you'll do anything. But I look great. Well, I mean, I dated men
so I know what you mean. So, I mean, you did model,
so that must have been-- Well, yeah, I did some modeling. It was more like
spokesperson kind of thing, but I didn't do like fashion
modeling or anything. I must have been selling
something there for sure. Maybe I was selling
that big shoe. You're probably
selling one big shoe. Yeah, those were very popular. It's a chair I think, so maybe-- I don't know. I'll find out. Somebody would text me, I think,
or Instagram me, or something, and tell me what it is, because
I cannot remember what was I doing. OK. What do you think I was doing? I don't know. I'm just going to-- It's a mystery, I'm telling you. I know. Do we have to go to break,
Matt, or should I ask her about eating all the time? Well, first of all, I didn't
know I was doing that. I didn't know I had a
problem, until people started posting pictures of me eating. And then I started to realize,
like what is wrong with me? But, you know, you have to
give it to me that I'm always long hours on the set. You get bored, you
get a little anxious, and what else are
you going to do? Right. But I have a technique that
my makeup artist appreciate, because you open your
mouth really wide, and you don't mess
up your lipstick. Yes. So I know how to eat, and it
doesn't mess up the lipstick. It does look like you open
your mouth very wide to eat. But it's not just for fun. It's for a practical-- yeah, and you put it in there,
and it doesn't, the lipstick-- perfect. Do you let it dissolve
or do you chew? No, I tell chew. How am I going to swallow a
banana or swallow a popcorn, you can't. You have to chew. But once it's past
the lips, you're fine. You're good to go. Why don't they create
like a plastic thing, like a funnel, and you can
just funnel it into your mouth. I mean, I guess that
could be, but why do I need that if I know how
to do it perfectly without it. That would be like a waste
of my money, and for what? I mean, I know how to do it. I can teach it, but we don't
have anything here to eat. We should have
brought something. I would have taught you. I'm sure we have some
food, we'll bring you-- and you can show
me how to do it. We'll take a break. We'll find some food. Get something
large, and let us-- No, no. Yeah. Get something very large. I want to learn how to
do it, because I don't want to mess up my Chapstick. Yeah. We'll be back. Sofia Vergara is here with us. That was America's Got Talent,
that was the season premiere. I really didn't know if
y'all were going to like him, but tWitch and I liked him. I mean, I don't
know how far he's going to make it
in the competition, but it was something
that made us so happy, so we wanted to give
him the opportunity Oh yeah. I'm glad you did, because
that was hilarious. It was fantastic. I mean, there was so much
great talent on the premiere. The magician was incredible. Did you like it? I loved him. I don't understand
how he did that. And then the three,
the guys that sang, and then the young
Black kid that was the singer, the
comedian, and then the-- The comedian! I don't know,
listen, it's like-- I tell you, I'm so lucky. We saw 200 people. We enjoy it. We were there, and you're
being entertained by the best entertainers of the world. So-- It's a great job. I'm so lucky. Yeah, you are lucky. Sofia, we're going
to take a break, and then you and I are going
to play Burning Questions. We're going to-- I know, Ellen, don't start. Just going to learn
a lot more about you. That's all I'm saying. All right? OK. Yep. Don't be so excited. Yeah. We'll be back.
