Simon Sinek: Why Leaders Eat Last

so the date is August 16 2002 and flying over a valley in Afghanistan are two a-10 warthogs an a-10 is a heavily armoured low-flying slow aircraft designed to provide ground cover for troops on the ground and on this night it's a very very cloudy night the storms in the area and these two planes hanging up above just waiting in case anybody down below needs help up there it's gorgeous the moon is bright the thousands of stars in the sky the clouds look like the snow had just fallen down below in the valley however there were 22 Special Forces Special Operations Forces troops trying to make their way through the country and they could feel that something was wrong they could feel they felt uneasy one of the pilots up above callsign Johnny Bravo and yes he stands like this he could feel their unease listening to him over the radio so he decides he was going to go down below the cloud and just have a look he tells his wingmen hang out up here I'll go see what there is and he points his plane down into the clouds and as he's going through the clouds the call comes over the radio troops in contact troops in contact is what they say when they come under effective fire it means they're in trouble so now Johnny Bravo points is playing straight down the planes getting thrashed about in the turbulence and when he comes out below the clouds he's less than a thousand feet off the ground and he's flying in a valley cliffs on both sides now this is only 2002 and the planes were not yet equipped with ground-hugging radar and worse they were using old Russian maps that's all they had at the time and the site that greets him is something like he's never seen before not in training and not in the movies he sees tracer fire fire coming from all sides of the valley pointed right in the middle where the American forces are and so he picks a point and starts to lay down suppressing fire and he's flying and he's in danger of hitting the cliff of course he knows his speed he knows his distance from the map and he literally counts out loud well he lays down the suppressing fire one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand four one thousand five one thousand pools hard on the stick pulls back up into the cloud comes down around again one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand four one thousand good hits good hits it says over his radio and again he comes around one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand four one thousand five one thousand he runs out of ammunition fuel is fine flies back up to the top of the cloud tells his wingman you need to get down there his wingman isn't sure about the condition so the two of them fly back down together his wingman lays down a suppressing fire and Johnny Bravo counts as they fly three feet apart from each other wing to wing one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand four one thousand five one thousand up and around again one one thousand two one thousand three one thousand four one thousand five one thousand that night twenty two Americans went home alive with zero casualties my question is is where do people like Johnny Bravo come from who are they who would risk their lives for others so that may they may survive I asked Johnny Bravo I asked him why would you do it why would you risk your life that others may survive and he gave me the same answer that everybody in his position gives because they would have done it for me now if you think about it in the military they give medals to people who are willing to sacrifice themselves that others may gain in business we give bonuses to people who are willing to sacrifice others so that we may gain we have it backwards wouldn't you like to work in an organization in which you have the absolute confidence the absolute knowledge that other people that you may or may not know who work in the same organization as you would be willing to sacrifice themselves so that you may survive and in and we're not talking about giving your life I mean we don't even like to give up credit you know so where do people like Johnny Bravo come from well it's an age-old question they're not born they're actually made if you look at the human animal the human animal is like a machine there are systems inside our bodies that are trying to get us to do things that are in the interests of the survival of the human animal right just like in an industry in a business and a company if you want people to do something you offer them some sort of positive or negative incentive to direct the behavior right so if you want people to achieve a certain goal you offer them a bonus if they achieve that goal and they'll work towards that goal because they want the bonus it's a very simple system the human body works exactly the same way it works exactly the same way inside our bodies are chemicals that are trying to get us to do things that are in the best interest of us if you've ever had a feeling of happiness pride joy love fulfillment all of these feelings that we have are chemically produced feelings and they're produced by four chemicals predominantly these are the basically responsible for all of the feelings that I would generically call happiness they are endorphins dopamine serotonin and oxytocin ed so these two chemicals endorphins and dopamine I like to call these the selfish chemicals but you don't really need anybody's help to get them right let me tell you let me tell you a little bit about what they are endorphins endorphins are designed to do one thing and one thing only masks physical pain that's it that's what they do if you if you're a runner if you've ever gone and done a heavy exercise you've heard of an endorphin rush or a runner's high basically what's happening is when that runners out there pushing their bodies harder than they've ever pushed before they feel good and when they're done with their run they feel fantastic and then an hour later they're in pain for damage they cause their muscles an hour before right this is what endorphins are designed to do they're designed to mask physical pain the caveman reason for this stuff because this stuff is all from 50,000 years ago understand homo sapien existed at the same time as other hominid species and yet we survived and they didn't what is it about this speech that's so good at survival and thriving look at the world we've built it's not just that we're smart we're certainly not the strongest and we're certainly not the smartest it's that so we're social animals we have to do things together together we have to look after each other and we have to work together to ensure that we survive that we do well this is how we're designed right these chemicals are trying to make that happen so in these caveman times 50,000 years ago Paleolithic era we had to eat we're not the strongest we're not the fastest but there's one thing that the human animal is made for endurance we could track an animal for hours and hours and hours and miles and miles and miles and if we were tired we'd keep going and if we got injured or we had to bring the food back to the cave we'd continue to do it and it was so good it felt so good that maybe we'd even volunteer to go hunting the next day just like we get addicted to exercise right oh my god it was so much fun yesterday I will totally go hunting tomorrow right good system for the survival of the group good system by the way the reason laughing feels good is because of endorphins you're actually convulsing your internal organs and endorphins are masking the physical pain I'm sure everybody here has laughed so much that the endorphins eventually run out you go stop stop it hurts endorphins they feel good dopamine dopamine is the feeling that you found something you're looking for or do you accomplish something you set out to accomplish so you know that feeling you get when you cross something off your to-do list that's dopamine feels awesome you know when you when you have a goal to hit and you achieve that goal you're like yes you feel like you've won something right that's dopamine the whole purpose of dopamine is to make sure that we get stuff done right the kist Oracle reason for dopamine we would never eat if we only waited to get until we got hungry because there's no guarantee that we would find food so dopamine exists to help us go looking for food we get dopamine when we eat which is one of the reasons we like eating and so when you see something that reminds you of something that feels good we want to do the behavior that helps us get that feeling right so let's say you're out there going for a walk and you see an apple tree in the distance he's get a small hit of dopamine and then what it does is it focuses us on our goals and now we start walking towards the apple tree and as the apple tree starts to get a little bigger we feel like we're making progress you get another little shot of dopamine and another little shadow dopamine until you get to the Train you're like yes okay this is why we're told you must write down your goals your goals must be tangible there's a there's a biological reason for that we were very very visually oriented animals you have to be able to see the goal for it to biologically stay focused right if you don't write down your goals if you can't see your goals it's very hard to get motivated to get inspired for example think about corporate visions right a corporate vision has have to be something we can see right that's why it's called a vision you can see it right to be the biggest most respected to be the fastest-growing are not visions they're nothing right what does that even look like respected by whom your mother yourself your friends your shareholders who knows what's the metric dunno it's Amorphis doesn't motivate us just like I can't tell you you will get a bonus if you achieve more you're gonna ask me how much more I'm gonna say more doesn't work you need a tangible goal you need a tangible goal right here's a great vision Martin Luther King I have a dream that one day little black children the little white children will play on the playground together and hold hands together we can imagine that we can set our sights on that and every time we achieve a goal and achieve a metric and achieve a milestone that makes us feel like we're making progress to the vision we can see we keep going and going and going until we achieve something remarkable you have to be able to see it dopamine like I said dopamine is the feeling you get when you set out to find something you're looking for as well talked about the to-do list I came home from a trip just a couple days ago and I had a bunch of errands to run and I wrote down a little list of things I had to do and off I went right and as I was walking past I think was the dry cleaner I remember I was walking past something I remembered oh I have to do that and I hadn't written it my hadn't written down on my to-do list so I went in and finish what I needed to do and then when I came out I then wrote it on my to-do list and then crossed it out because I wanted the dopamine feels good dopamine comes with a warning dopamine is highly highly highly addictive here are some other things that release dopamine alcohol nicotine gambling your cell phone oh you think I'm joking okay we've all been told that you know if you wake up in the morning and you crave a drink you might be an alcoholic well if you wake up in the morning the first thing you do is check your phone before you even get out of bed might be an addict if you walk from room to room in your own apartment holding your telephone you might be an addict when you're driving in your car and you get a text and your phone goes beep we we hate email true we love the beep the buzz the ding oh right you'll be there in 10 minutes and yet you have to look at it right now you might be an addict and even if you read it and it says are you free for dinner next Thursday and you have to reply immediately you can't wait to ten minutes you might be an addict and for all you Gen Y is out there who like to think that you're better at multitasking beause you grew up with the technology then why do you keep crashing your cars when you're texting you're not you're not better at multitasking you're better getting distracted in fact if you look at the statistics ad D and ADHD have diagnosis of AD D and ADHD have risen 66% in the past 10 years okay ad D and ADHD is a frontal lobe disorder right are you telling me out of nowhere 66% of our youth has the frontal lobe problem where did that come from no it's a misdiagnosis right what what are the what are the symptoms of a dopamine addiction to technology distractibility inability to get things done easily easily distracted you know shortness of attention it's all the same thing so we misdiagnosed things it's this it's the addictive quality of dopamine we can also get addicted to performance in our companies when all they do is give us numbers to hit numbers to hit numbers to hit and a bonus you get and a bonus you get and a bonus you get all they're doing is feeding us with dopamine and we can't help ourselves all we do is want more more MORE it's no surprise that the bank's destroyed the economy because one of the things we know about dopamine addict is they will do anything to get another hit sometimes at the sacrifice of their own resources and their relationships ask any alcoholic gambling addict or drug addict ask ask them how their relationships are doing and if they squandered any of their resources it's an addiction dopamine is dangerous if it is unbalanced it is hugely helpful when in a comfortable and balanced system but when unbalanced it's dangerous and it's destructive you don't need anybody's help to get these go for a run achieve your goals you'll get dopamine you'll get endorphins but you won't have any feeling of fulfillment or love or trust that's where these come in these are attempting to manage these this is what makes our society great this is where people like Johnny Bravo come from it's because of these two chemicals that leaders really fulfill their great responsibilities outside in the world is danger at all times for various reasons in caveman times that danger may have been you know a saber-toothed tiger it may have been the weather it may have been a lack of resources it may have been who knows any number of things things that with no conscience are trying to kill you they want to end your life and so how do we survive we work together and together we come together in our groups in our companies in our tribes to feel like we belong to be around people who believe what we believe so that we may feel safe when we're surrounded by people who have our best interests in mind and we feel safe we will organize ourselves and cooperate to face the dangers externally don't forget the outside dangers are a constant in a modern world the outside dangers may be your competition that's trying to put you out of business or at least steal your business it might be the absent flows of the economy it might be terrorism all of these unknowns all trying to put you out of business take away your job take away your livelihood end it for you nothing personal it's a constant inside our organizations the dangers we face are not a constant they are a variable and they are the decisions of leadership as to how safe they make us feel when we go to work this is the job of leaders Aesop said it better than I can there's an Aesop fable about four oxen that stand tail to tail and whenever the lion tries to eat them no matter what angle from which he attacks he will always be met with horns however due to infighting and disagreements they separate and they go and graze in different parts of the field and one by one the lion picks them up and kills them all when we stand together we can more easily face the dangers outside when we break up inside our companies if our leaders don't allow us a space to feel safe inside our own companies to feel like we belong then we have to we're forced to exert our own energy to protect ourselves from each other and by the way expose ourselves to greater danger from the outside if you have to worry about politics if you have to worry about someone stealing your credit if you have to worry about your boss not having your back think about the energy you invest not in your business not in the products you're trying to develop not in your work not in how great you're producing not in your creativity but in just keeping yourself feeling safe this is Dee the responsibility of leadership has two things one to determine who gets in and who doesn't get in this is what it means to start with why what are our values what are our beliefs who can we allow in second thing is to decide how big this is how big do we make the circle of safety how big do we make the circle of belonging do we keep it around just our c-level executives and call it an inner circle and allow others to try and fend for themselves and maybe try and get into our inner circle or do we extend it to the outermost edges of the organization great leaders extend the circle of safety the circle of belonging out to the outermost edges so the most junior person feels like they belong feels safe feels like they have top cover from somebody like Johnny Bravo that's what these other two chemicals are trying to do serotonin is the leadership chemical is the responsible for feelings of pride and status when you this is why public recognition is very important we are social animals and we need the recognition of others this is why we have the Oscars and this is why we have public awards events this is why we have commencement for graduation I mean think about it what does it really take to get to graduate college you need to pay your bills fulfill the minimum requirements and and collect enough credits that's it right it's a formula you could get an email that says congratulations you fulfilled all the requirements for graduation and clothes please print out the PDF of your diploma PS magna laude right wouldn't feel so good right so instead we have a big ceremony to recognize the accomplishment and in the audience we put our family and our friends and our teachers all of those in our tribe who've supported us and watched our backs as we've made it through and then we show up on that day and we go up on that stage and we take our diploma it feels great we feel our status rise we feel our pride go up and by the way when you have serotonin in your veins your confidence goes up also and here's the best part about serotonin at the exact moment that you took your diploma and you that surge of serotonin go through your body at the exact moment your parents sitting in the audience also got a surge of serotonin and also felt an intense pride watching you graduate and this is what serotonin is trying to do it is trying to reinforce the relationship between parent and child boss and employee coach and player the caregiver and the one who is is Greta's grateful for the support they are given and think about it listen to the speeches that we give if you give an award to somebody what do they say I couldn't have done it I thank God I thank my parents I thank my coach we thank the person who we believe was looking out for us we could not have done this without them we say and they look at us and they say so proud of you and we work to make them proud great teams don't want to win the trophy great teams want to win one for the coach they want to make the coach proud we want to make our parents proud and it raises our status and it raises our confidence and it feels good and we in turn will look after others so that they may accomplish the same this is what serotonin is trying desperately to do the problem is you can trick serotonin we live in a materialist society so we judge status very often in our country based on how much money you make right so any conspicuous display of wealth raises your status this is why they put the logos on the outside no good on the inside nobody can see them we want the red line of our our prodigal asses how good you you want a pair of designer shoes how good does it feel to put on your Gucci shoes oh my god it feels so good you walk out and you feel a million bucks you can actually feel your confidence rise when you put on you put on the stuff right because it's showing this display of status it feels great the problem is there was no real relationship that was reinforced because of it you tricked the system that's why we keep trying to accomplish things and accumulate more and more material goods and yet we never feel successful because there was no relationship we tricked it we gained it serotonin is the leadership chemical the reason I called leadership chemical is a historical reason a very simple historical reason we had a very practical problem as our animal was developing as the Homo Sapien was developing we lived in communities of about a hundred and 150 people and is very practical issue which is if we're hungry and somebody brings back food and drop a carcass on the floor we're all gonna rush in to eat and if you're lucky enough to be built like a linebacker you will elbow your way to the front and if you're the artistic one of the family you get the elbow in the face not a good system to keep the whole tribe alive and definitely not a good system for cooperation because remember the value of group living means that if I trust you and you trust me I can fall asleep at night and trust that you will alert me to danger if I don't trust you I can't go to sleep at night it's the same in our companies if we trust each other we will turn our backs we will take risks we will innovate we will do things that will change the course of our world if I don't trust you I can't do that I can't do that there's value in group living and group working and so if you got an elbow in the face that afternoon odds are very high that you're not going to wake the guy who punched you if dangers there you're just not going to do it bad system and so we evolved into hierarchical animals we're constantly assessing and judging each other constantly arranging ourselves who's the Alpha who's the dominant who's the one who sort of is the is that is the more dominant personality or dominant a talent in the room in cavemen times it might have been physical muscle in the creative industry it might be talent in you know the military it might be courage there's no standard by which we judge alphas it's relative to the industries were in and it's relative to us as well if you've ever met someone and you were nervous while you were meeting them you're not the alpha we've all had the experience where we're meeting somebody and we can sense that they're nervous meeting us you're the alpha I'll tell you a little aside that's kind of funny you know when women all live together their menstrual cycles align right assuming they're not on the pill then it doesn't work right but if they're not on the pill that all the dimensional cycles go together on the same schedule it's not arbitrary they always align with the alpha females schedule and the reason is because when a woman is in her menstrual cycle she can't bear children and so in evolutionary terms you want the alpha male male female to to do it so you can have alpha children right nice strong strapping kids are going to survive but if she's off the market that produces competition so mother nature has in created a very clever way that when she's off the market everyone's off the market back to the talk so we're constantly judging and assessing each other who's alpha right and what we do is when we assess that someone else is the Alpha we voluntarily take a step back and allow them to eat first alphas get first choice of meat and first choice of mate good system good system the Alpha gets to eat first the rest of us may not get the best cut of meat but we will get to eat eventually and we won't get an elbow in the face good system will happily alert them to danger later good system this is why we're constantly trying to raise our status is because there are benefits to being the Alpha people will do things for us and step back and offer us favors right we're and we to this day we're perfectly comfortable giving special treatment to our alphas no one has a problem that your boss makes more money than you you might think he's an ass but you don't have a problem that he makes more money nobody has a problem that somebody outranked who outranks us at work has a bigger office than us doesn't offend us it is deeply ingrained in us we happily step aside and allow our alphas first choice of meat and first choice of mate it's good to be the king there are advantages that come with being the Alpha you get special treatment you get to eat first people show you love and respect it boosts the serotonin you walk around like this it boosts your confidence it's awesome but comes at a cost you see the group is not stupid we're not giving all of that stuff away for free leadership alpha comes at a cost you see we expect that when danger threatens us from the outside that the person who's actually stronger the person who's better fed and the person who is actually teaming with serotonin and actually has higher confidence of the rest of us we expect them to run towards the danger to protect us this is what it means to be a leader the cost of leadership is self-interest if you're not willing to give up your perks when it matters then you probably shouldn't get promoted you might be an authority but you will not be a leader leadership comes at a cost you don't get to do less work when you get more senior you have to do more work and the more work you have to do is put yourself at risk to look after others that is the anthropological definition of what a leader is this is why we're so offended by these banker boys who pay themselves astronomical salaries it has nothing to do with the number it has to do with the fact that they have violated a deep-seated social contract we know that they made all of that money and allowed their people to be sacrificed in fact they may have sacrificed their people for the money if I told you we're going to give a hundred and fifty million dollars to Nelson Mandela but anyone have a problem with that nope two hundred and fifty million dollars to mother Teresa I got an issue with it no it's not the number it's not the amount of money they make it's that we are deeply and viscerally offended that we know that we allowed them to have this alpha position and they did not fulfill their responsibilities of the Alpha they're supposed to sacrifice themselves for us never sacrifice us for themselves this is why we're angry and offended and don't trust them they fail oh there's more oxytocin this is the best chemical of all oxytocin is the feeling of love and trust and friendship it's all the warm and fuzzies it's all the unicorns and rainbows it's the reason we like to spend time with our friends even if we don't do anything with them we just sit and watch TV we love their company I promise you nearly every single person sitting in this room today chose the person they're sitting next to you're not sitting next to a stranger you're sitting next to somebody you met came with or or kind of know a little bit why because it makes you feel safer doesn't it if you got up and went and sat next to strangers wouldn't feel so good that's the feeling of oxytocin oxytocin is that intense feeling of safety that someone's got your back there are multiple ways you can get oxytocin one way to get it is physical contact hugging feels wonderful right this when women give birth to children huge surge of oxytocin in their body this is what's responsible for the mother parent the mother-child bond right it's all that oxytocin in the system this is why shaking hands matters imagine you're doing a deal with someone and you're ready to sign the contract and you say I'm so excited to do business with you and they go I don't need to shake let's sign the contract I'm also excited to do business with you you go great well let's shake on it then they go no no I agree to all the terms let's get this deal done I can't wait to work with you there you might get everything you want in the contract but business relationships are not rational they're about feeling safe they're about feeling we belong it's human and one of the ways we want to know that that relationship is solidified is with physical touch their simple refusal to touch you to exchange that oxytocin means one of two things will happen you will either completely scuttle the deal or you will go into it nervous human bonds matter another way you can get oxytocin is through acts of human generosity an act of human generosity is defined as giving of your time and energy and expecting nothing in turn money doesn't work sorry if I told you that this morning I gave a thousand dollars to charity what would you think of me you'd be like good for you what do you want a medal but if I told you that last Saturday I gave up my day and I went and painted schools in the inner city then what would you think you'd be like nice cool I should do more right the the value of my labour much less than a thousand dollars could have hired many more people for a thousand dollars to go paint schools in the inner city but you see as human beings we put a premium on time because it is an equal commodity and it is a non redeemable commodity you spend money you make money you spend time you'll never get it back some of you are sitting in this room right now saying I will never get this time back I got nothing for you so we put a premium on people who give us their time and energy a leader who says to you I'll pay for something for you is not a leader a leader comes and sits down next to you and says how can I help you is a leader I was talking to some oil executives and they were trying to convince me that they really care about how fulfilled and how happy their employees are at work to which I said no you don't and they said no we do and I said no you don't and they said yeah we do you see how this win and I said I bet you hired some high-priced consultancy to come and do a web survey about whether people like their jobs or not and they said well we didn't hire a consultancy I said okay so it's kind of like sending your son an email right dear son your mother and I care that you feel like a valuable part of this family please tell us candidly what we can do better so that you feel like you belong here because we really love you love dad or you go into his room you sit on his bed and you say hey son your mom and I really care that you feel like a valuable member of this family please tell us candidly what we can do better because we want you to feel like you belong and we really love you same words same intention same desire the difference is one you gave time and energy and the other one you didn't this is the problem with email it's too easy it's too easy there's no time and energy expended it's too easy don't feel anything if I come to your house for dinner you make me a lovely dinner the next day I send you a very nice thank-you email what a wonderful host you are or three days later you receive a handwritten note from me with the exact same words that were written in the email which one makes you feel better handwritten note the sentiment was the same the words were the same the difference is one took a little more time and a little more energy leaders are the ones who give us their time and give us their energy not the ones who give us their money it doesn't count doesn't work just biologically doesn't work this is how you get oxytocin doing nice things for people that require that you sacrifice a little bit of time a little bit of energy something you will never get back and if you expect something in return that you weren't really giving in the first place you take someone out for dinner because you want them to hire you you're not really taking them out for dinner you want something in return it's just a protracted transaction it's not relationship building it's nonsense I was walking down the streets of New York true story and guy in front of me his backpack opened a bunch of paper filled spilled out on the on the street didn't think much of it I bent down gathered the papers up handed them back to him and pointed out that his bag it opened I did a small act of generosity for somebody I got a small burst of oxytocin I felt good also the person on the receiving end of the act of generosity feels good they get a shot of oxytocin he felt good he says thanks I get to the end of the block and I'm standing waiting to cross the street and a guy who's also happens to be standing waiting to cross the street turns around true story turns around and says to me I saw what you did back there that was really cool as it turns out witnessing act of human generosity release oxytocin remember our bodies are trying to get us to repeat behaviors that are in our best interest and it's making us feel good when we see or do acts of human generosity so that we will do them in fact the more oxytocin you have in your body the more generous you actually become you know is the more you do the more you want to do it gets better than that lots of oxytocin in your body inhibits addiction it makes it very difficult to get addicted to something when you have lots of oxytocin your body actually hits addiction it boosts your immune system it makes you healthier that's why happy people live longer it's why couples live longer oxytocin it actually is good for us it increases our ability to solve problems it increases our creativity it's really good for us and it's not addictive it just feels great it takes time to build up though you know if I I went on a date with a girl the other day there's a first date we totally go along great we're going to get married why are you laughing that's my social life the reason you laugh is because you inherently know that I cannot form a bond of trust strong enough to get married in seven days you know that why don't you go on a couple more days but inherently you know that right but if I told you that I've been dating somebody for seven years and we're not married yet what do you say what's wrong in other words we know that that bond of trust takes more than seven days in less than seven years don't know how long it takes though so when you start a new job and you're really excited to work there and they're really excited to have you don't quite feel like you belong you don't quite feel like you're trusted yet right even though you were really excited their leaks it takes time and you have to do little acts of generosity and make little sacrifices do little things for people not big risk small risks it's like dating you know you don't start by buying them a diamond you start by taking them for lunch buying them a drink you know little bits then they take you out or that you take them out again you do something a little bigger then you do that in a movie then they come over and then you buy them flowers and then you say I love you and one day you wake up in the morning it's like you press this belief button you just I I'm in love I don't know when it happened just clicks and you feel like you belong same thing at work same thing at work it just clicks and you feel like you belong because you got enough oxytocin built up in your system we don't allow this to happen we're too busy sending emails we're too busy sending emails the next time you want to tell somebody something email is fantastic for the exchange of information right it's fantastic here's the report you wanted the meetings at four o'clock fantastic what did you think of my idea do not reply on an email that's an emotional question email is a rational tool you get up from your desk you walk the 30 feet and you say wanted to tell you what I thought of your idea and I promise you not only will that information be better received but you will start to create relationship because oxytocin starts to get released if you can't get up and walk 30 feet pick up the telephone I've done it it's an amazing thing you pick up the phone you go hey they're like hey what's the matter they're like no I'm just I'm just replying to your email wanted to tell you what I thought what and people who tell me but I need a paper trail have the conversation hang up and say just to confirm what we talked about boom there's your paper trail the reason we get so many emails is because we reply to them all and twelve emails are sent and then somebody misunderstands something and somebody gets angry and then you have to pick up the phone and deal with it anyway to the beginning quicker easier better biology give your time and give your energy and this is why leadership is really difficult because you can't give it to everyone because you don't have enough to give to everyone you just cut you have to make sure that you can trust others to trust others to trust others to trust others and this is what happens in the circle of belonging in the circle of safety this is what effective bureaucracy is which is as the CEO as the leader or whatever your job is you have one responsibility and one responsibility only which is to make sure the people you know that you have physical contact with you know their names our confident feel looked after and encouraged them to do the same for the big ones who work beneath them who booney work beneath them who work beneath them and when this group of people really feel safe then they will invite in the customer to also feel safe they will talk to these people as if they are human I actually flew in an airline recently and I it was I was appalled at how I was treated it was disgusting I was like cattle right and I said something I said why do you treat people like cattle and she literally said to me I'm sorry sir I have to do it or I'll lose my job what did she tell me my organization that I work for doesn't make me feel safe I don't feel like I look like I belong so I'm going to treat you like dirt to protect myself as opposed to somebody who feel safe and says sir I will do everything in my power to make sure that you feel happy and good because I'm not worried that's called a highly effective organization there's one more chemical I haven't told you about the Big C cortisol cortisol is the feeling of stress and the feeling of anxiety we share these chemicals with all the social mammals and so when you see a herd of gizelle you vall seen the documentary on discovery or whatever right see a herd of gazelle grazing and one of them thinks they hear a rustle in the grass and they go head right that's what cortisol does cortisol is designed to keep us alive it is the first stage of fight-or-flight it makes us paranoid it makes all of our senses hyper attuned to look for danger it injects glucose into our muscles to make us stiff and ready to go in case we need to fight or flight it increases our heart rate like crazy right and it makes us start looking it makes us paranoid to find the danger and the cool thing about cortisol when you work in a social environment is if other people sense that you're nervous they get nervous so all the other gazelle go they didn't hear anything they just saw Steve over there it really freaked out and so they got all freaked out and now they all start looking for the danger good system and one of them who didn't even hear the initial rustle in the grass sees the lion runs they all run they all live another day good system so that when we go to work and somebody says I think there's gonna be layoffs all of us are like what do you mean wait there's gonna be we're all paranoid now we're all free I shouldn't have talked in that meeting ah we start to get crazy we start to get paranoid our hearts start to race so what cortisol does it's trying to keep us alive you wake up in the middle of the night you hear a bump in the middle of the night huh what's the first thing you do you wake the person next to you and then what do they do they go and if there's nothing there you go and trust your eyes right you go looking for it we're visual animals right if there's nothing there you go like this cortisol leaves our body and we relax and a heartbeat goes back down cortisol to get all of that extra energy to make us paranoid to make us self-interested it needs to shut down non-essential systems because it has to get it from somewhere right so it shuts off things like growth you don't need your fingernails to at that moment shuts it off the other thing it shuts off is our immune system don't need it in that moment the problem is you're not supposed to have cortisol in your system all the time you're supposed to have it in and then gone and when we go to work in a place that doesn't make us feel like we belong that doesn't make us feel safe when we're at work guess what we got little bits of cortisol dripping in our body drip drip drip drip makes his paranoid drip I know my bus hates me I know he hates me I hate he hates all my ideas I know it drip drip it makes it self-interested one of the things cortisol does it inhibits the release of oxytocin biologically if you work in a high-stress environment where you don't feel safe you were biologically less empathetic and less generous we don't care about each other because we're too busy trying to protect ourselves drip drip drip our immune systems are now compromised drip drip drip we live in the country with some of the best medical education in the world some of the best medical systems in the world some of the best doctors in the world some of the best hospitals in the world some the best medicines in the world please explain to me why diabetes is on the rise heart disease is on the rise some cancers are on the rise it ain't hot partially hydrogenated oils our jobs are killing us and the people who are responsible are the leaders and we also know that parents who come home stressed out their kids learn that this is what work is that work is something that makes you short-tempered and and unhappy and so they expect it as they grow older worse we know that parents who come home upset and angry it has such a negative impact on their children that there's some studies that show that they might actually become bullies because of their unhappy parents who hate their jobs and have excessive amounts of stress our companies are literally killing us so what are you gonna do about it what are you about it leadership is not a rank leadership is not a position leadership is a decision leadership is a choice it has nothing to do with your position in the organization if you decide to look after the person to the left of you and look after the person to the right of you you have become a leader you've seen the movie 300 right the Spartans the greatest fighting force of all time you want to know one of the things that made the Spartans great wasn't their muscles wasn't their spears it was their shields they stood shield to shield and the Phalanx was stronger because they all those shields were big and they were told when they were young children you either bring your shield home or you come home on your shield the punishment for for losing your shield was tremendous in battle because if you lost your shield that means you cannot protect the person to the left of you and the person to the right of you and you have destroyed the Phalanx it's the shield that matters not the spear not the spear it's your willingness to sacrifice yourself not your life maybe your credit maybe your little tie maybe a little energy maybe you're taught you know maybe getting up from your desk and talk to somebody for thirty minutes instead of sending a three-minute email it's your willingness to sacrifice for someone to hold that shield up so that they feel safe that makes you a leader and you want to know how you beat a dopamine addiction if you're worried that you're addicted to performance and all this dopamine things Alcoholics Anonymous has been highly effective for decades 80 something years we all know the first step of the twelfth steps we joke about it right admit you have a problem did you know the 12-step don't say it's supposed to be anonymous I'll tell you what the 12th step is Alcoholics Anonymous knows that if you master all eleven steps but not the twelfth you will drink again if you master the twelfth step you will beat the disease what's the twelfth step the twelfth step is the commitment to help another alcoholic service service to another oxytocin wins Sara Tosun when serotonin wins the more we look after each other the safer we feel the more we feel like we belong and the more we will work together to confront the dangers outside do this for others and others will become Johnny Bravo thanks very much you

Channel: 99U

Views: 5,996,178

Rating: 4.8995519 out of 5

Keywords: Making Ideas Happen, 99U, 99U conference, 99 percent conference, 99% conference, entrepreneurship, Behance, design, Meeting, Simon Sinek (Author), leader, leadership, creativity, team

Id: ReRcHdeUG9Y

Length: 45min 50sec (2750 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 04 2013

Reddit Comments

[u/tobowafflepants]

That is a great speech. Very similar to the whiteboard one here before, I believe he helped wrote Sinek's book.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OqmdLcyES_Q