Should I Break The No Contact Rule?

[Music] hi I'm coach Corey wings this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of today's newsletter is going to be should I break the no-contact rule obviously you know what I'm probably going to think about that question so I've got two emails the second one is they're really sure when it's actually an email for a client that I just did some phone sessions with the past week and it was one or two questions and normally when I do phone sessions people obviously email coaching is not included but because there's only one or two questions and it was right in line with what I'm talking about in today's video I thought I'd added so you get two emails for the price of one if you will so the first email is actually from a guy whose girlfriend cheated on him and he's been obviously reading the book and starting to realize where he went wrong and where he made mistakes and now we started to think that he should reach out and apologize to this ex-girlfriend who because he neglected or another when she stopped dating and courting her properly she was a nice enough to start [ __ ] some other dude and he wants to know if I think it's a good idea after she did that for him to reach out and apologize for the fact that he didn't date in court her properly I keep in mind she cheated on him now I would see the second particular email this particular guy same thing he went through a difficult time in his life and he started kind of leaning on this woman he was dating a little bit too much and kind of treating her a little bit like a therapist talking about his problems he just had a real difficult time of the short period of time and he made a bunch of mistakes but you can tell from his email that he's just kind of in this mentality that I gotta prove myself to her I got to let her know that I've changed and I'm better because if I don't how is she going to know that I'm better and therefore more desirable now than I was before so I'm going to go through when I was to explain why this is flawed thinking and the right way two approaches but first I got a quote that I wrote in this particular topic and they're going to go through both these emails the quote says never blame yourself for the actions of someone else you're only responsible for your own actions choose to be strong enough to walk away forever from someone who violates yourself and your dignity this demonstrates self-respect high value and it's the strongest negotiating position to get what you want or to be treated the way you want otherwise you're simply enabling and encouraging their continued mistreatment of you when you tolerate bad behavior without standing up for yourself this devalues you further in the eyes of the other person and leads to a loss of respect self-respect means walking away from that which no longer serves you helps you grow or helps you to achieve your outcomes one of the big things I focus on with men and women when I'm doing phone sessions especially when it comes to their personal life is what's your personal outcome in other words what do you want to achieve and a lot of them start talking about why I want to get this ex back or I want to turn things around with them it's like know what kind forget that you know this person and that they're in your life or they've ever been in your life it's like what is your vision for your personal life what do you want to create what kind of outcome do you want to achieve if I'm talking to somebody and they want to have a healthy happy long-term relationship and they're dating somebody who not only is cheating on them or has cheat on them but they've cheated on pretty much everybody else a verb it I'd say the likelihood that you're going to have a great healthy happy loyal type of relationship with somebody who's cheated on everybody they've ever been with thinking that you're going to somehow be different that is just your chances for success or really [ __ ] low so with that in mind let's go through this particular guy email he says dear Corinne I discovered your work due to a breakup see about 90% of men to find my work that's why they came because something was going sideways and their personal life but being successful in your personal life really is a big reflection of you having everything else taken care of in your life and you're well-rounded balanced happy person with a great life and lifestyle that you're proud of and you're looking for somebody to and not complete you but to share your completeness with I broke up my girlfriend of two and a half years on New Year's Day since then I've been watching literally almost all your videos as well as over two thousand my playing it really hard that you watched all of them in a couple weeks but I actually think that's impossible there's so many hours of material since then I've been watching literally in lasari videos to purchase your book and I'm on my second round of reading it thank you for your work and keep making new videos please well I just never assured the questions that come in that's for sure he says long story short I discovered that my girlfriend had been cheating on me with another guy that's really swell that was so nice of her which got to realize about people who cheat and who lie is they absolutely believe that everybody is this way and it doesn't matter what do you think are you do or maybe you've always been faithful deep down they believe because they've had so many conversations with people to think this way over the years as clients they really believe everybody is like that and it doesn't matter what you say you ain't change in their mind because they believe that way that's how they operate so when things aren't going well they just start looking to line up the next person and a lot of them they have no problem stringing you along while they're lining up the replacement not a nice thing to do people who love themselves and value themselves and just come to a point where they realize hey you know what this relationship just ain't going to be what I want they're comfortable with leaving being single and being okay with that until they find the next great love of their life people that tend to be insecure or a little narcissistic or self-centered or they have no empathy they don't give a [ __ ] that they're they've got to have somebody else lined up the thought of going it alone - terrible for them he says I asked her why she did it and she said that I was neglecting her and obviously what he stopped doing is he was he just quit dating and courting her like he once did instead of fixing it maybe she said things to in the past and he didn't really understand what they met by the end of day a good woman a woman who typically comes from a good family loves her mom and dad and get along really well she's got a great relationship with her dad she respects men she trusts men she's just going to leave the first she's going to break up with you and then maybe she might meet somebody else a women like this they don't [ __ ] care officer in law more hey you're neglecting me you're not meeting my needs this guy that I work with is real nice to me he takes me to lunch he listens to me we have a good time we go out and have drinks after working well it just kind of happened he just kind of stumbled and fumbled in the bedroom and laid it on top of me naked what I happen to be naked at the same time and oh my god well we kind of had sex it just happened though I didn't plan on it that no way it just kind of happened at that moment I didn't know what she meant and I tried to list things that I've done for her ups he's trying to prove himself this is a lot of guys do when a woman starts complaining you're not to initialize doing that is they go on a logic and reason wrong logic and reason my would thinking hey I'm going to win this argument you really should just try to say hey this is what I need from you my needs aren't being met and I would like it if you would do X but again most guys don't realize that the right answer is will tell me about that what do you mean what do you mean you feel like I've been neglecting well we have been on a date in several weeks the average say goes well we just well I start to drop $200 on you a couple weeks ago to take you to a nice restaurant you always want to deliver I've been busy I you know what money's been tight yeah rich guy starts kind of arguing like that and the woman here is well if you really cared about me he would take me out here I'm trying to tell you what I want and you're trying to argue with me and tell you why everything is fine the way it is the woman gets pissed off and walks away feeling like he doesn't care and the guy walks away thinking I've done all this for and she doesn't appreciate that what's a oh she should speak to two different languages he said he said I asked her to move out of the apartment and we broke up shortly after that I mean quite frankly that's the right thing if you got somebody that has the number one most important thing two men in a relationship is loyalty and here you got a woman who's been disloyal and even if you take her back even if she got back together with her that's just not one of her values as it was she wouldn't a [ __ ] some other dude in the first place I mean you were still living together I mean come on I mean you'd be a sucker to take a woman like that back all you all that would do is say it's okay to cheat on me and you know she did it once it got away with it why wouldn't she do it again because she's nothing she gets it she can get away with it and a lot of guys can make the mistake of thing whap I just clean up my own behavior and I'm better and I'm a better boyfriend she won't cheat on me she'll be faithful as long as she's happy and you're on top of your game as soon as things start going sideways a year two years I mean some point you're going to get busy earning it caught up in life and it's going to happen so yes gerald Celente says current events form future Chin's well she cheated on your first time given the right set of circumstances she'll do it again if she won't feel any remorse you know she may say I won't do it again I promise she may believe it but she is who she is she said that I handled the break-up pretty well without any drama or violence that's always the right way to handle it I've been in no contact ever since well she needs to earn another chance with you not the other way around she cheated on you she violated your trust I mean it the other day even if you took her back you're still not going to fully trust her because she picked you over now she's dating the guy that she cheated on me with well good for him he's she's now his problem and at the end of day if he screws up same way you did she'll [ __ ] somebody else because that's just the way she is not your fault it's not your problem that's just that's her nature she's a great [ __ ] by your friends at that girlfriend no wife no way the more watch your videos to read your book the more I realize that I played a part in our affair and our breakup well he didn't quarter properly but at the end of the day he didn't deserve to get cheated on when you're living with this woman I mean come on but obviously you valued being loyal and she didn't I got caught up in the work of school and I'm neglected her I stopped dating and courting her now typically when I talk to guys that are married or in the long-term relationship they've either been served by divorce papers or their wife is hinted at having a divorce or has talked about maybe going their separate ways they don't say oh by the way you know I would been sleeping with this other guy they seek most of time to resolve it go their separate ways pick up the pieces change their life get a new place start going back to the gym create a social life all over again then months later a year or two later they start dating again that's how the average woman is a married is typically what happens provided she is a loyal person she works also and every night we ended up not doing stuff at all now I'm learning about this stuff that just makes my heart cringe over things I have said and done to her to lose attraction towards what hasn't happened and it couldn't have happened any other way there's not a damn thing you can do about at this point my questions are do you think I should reach out to her and apologize to her for what I did in regards to neglecting her what about the fact that she [ __ ] somebody else when you're supposedly still in a relationship what if she just left with this guy and got a [ __ ] disease and had given it to you I mean she risked your health I mean come on you can't just sweep that under the rug and pretend like it's not there yeah you should have neglected her but that's something that can come up in a conversation if you're crazy enough to want to give her another chance if she reaches out in the future make a date at your place to make dinner together but you're going to want to treat a woman like this like a [ __ ] in other words you're not going to get back together whether you're not going to be a school is whether you might hang out have fun and hook up for a while I would definitely practice safe sex with her if that's what you want but the reality if you want a good loyal woman she knit she's already blown it but you know I know a lot of guys betina's day they hire me to help them get what they want so and a lot a lot of times I know because I been there I did this when I wrote about my book it's nice to get that to get in our shot with that person so the next time around so you get back together or you date for a few weeks or a few months and then you go you know what I'm just really not feeling it I really want to find some ASL Dawa to places a real high value and loyalty and after what happened I just could never trust you and hope you understand wish all the best it always feels better to be the dumper than the dumpy that's reality I've been working hard on myself become a better person II think it's okay for me to want to get her back I mean it's natural I mean every guy's going to feel that way rejection breeds obsession and when we get dumped and it's not of our own choosing automatically our attraction level just goes to the root it doubles and we think on it still love my life I can't live it out I just gotta have her back do I wait until she reaches out to me to tell her about my flaws and apologize sir well you can apologize to over dinner for the fact you stopped dating and courting her properly but the end the day I mean she [ __ ] somebody else so she violated your the sanctity of your relationship so treat her accordingly and treat her like a fuck-boy you never trying to turn a ho into a housewife you can ignore reality which you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality and just because you read my book doesn't mean everything's going to be different yeah you might clean up all your bad behavior and caused her to fall head over heels in love you but bottom line is this is how she behaves when her knees aren't getting met and at some point it happens to everybody you're gonna you know maybe five years down the road and you got kids at that point you really want to [ __ ] somebody else when you don't take care of business that's what she does if Shima reaches out at all in the future do I have do I have to break the no-contact rule to reach out to her absolutely would not she needs to earn another chance with you not the other way around she's already dating this other guy she's in a relationship with somebody else at this point she's not available thanks for so much for taking the time to answer this email I really appreciate your work the best thing that you can do is focus on you take care of the things you can take care of which is how you show up reading a book getting out there applying it so you can improve your skills and if she reaches out down the road and you want to take another lap around the tool if you will whatever I personally wouldn't do it but if you need a it's your life it's your body it's always going to know your downside risk do you really want to hook up with some chick that's cheated on you does not only sleep with her you're sleeping with everybody else that she has slept with and that other guy is slept with and obviously he isn't feeling remorse about ripping off your girlfriend so he's probably the kind of person that would cheat on her if he wasn't happy with her so that's the way karma works it's a beautiful thing just she'll probably back at some point but by then hopefully you will have moved on that's my opt-in ball machine I guess this game of Thrones pinball machine and it happens to do that every once a while well these days I'll show it in a future future video so let's go through the second email this ones are really quickly so say Cory quick question I've changed a lot if I've changed and I have a lot and she left after fighting thinking I'm an [ __ ] how does she know that I changed to give a second try if we are not in contact she has no way to know who [ __ ] cares at the end of the day she unilaterally changed the terms of your relationship you're still in the mindset of the illusion of action I got to do something to get her back I mean she's blowing you off she doesn't treat you like she values you and trying to prove yourself to her showing you how you see the day she had her chance and she [ __ ] up and it was since it was her unilateral decision to say adios it's got to be her unilateral decision like we talked about during your phone session you have lots of mutual friends but you live in your life and having a great time and enjoying yourself and getting right back on the horse and having if people ask you hey what happened to so it's all we dated for a little bit we had a good time but it didn't work out I'm dating I'm having a good time you know it was a great experience I wish all the best so how about them Yankees and then you change the subject and you go on to something else and we'll give back to where which I know I told you this several times in the phone session but again you're still trying to talk yourself into calling and texting and trying to do more even though that's basically the more you pushed and pursued the more you got kicked to the curb at the end of day she doesn't see your value it's her [ __ ] loss are you working on yourself and becoming a better version of yourself then if she ever does reach out in the future it was her idea in the first place and then you can invite her over your place to make dinner together you definitely should review the article that I did a few years ago called seven principles to get an ex back and for those of you who are watching this in the AMA got my book yet you can get the audio version by going to Amazon you can actually download the audio version for free by subscribing to audible.com great great plan if you're an avid or voracious audio book reader because you get things are a lot cheaper like me and I tend to go through a lot of audiobooks and it's a nice plan to have and I will talk to you soon [Music]

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 275,651

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Id: w_wYb72G_jY

Length: 19min 24sec (1164 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 02 2017