Shawn Ryan's Psychedelic Experience | SRS #024

this was totally different this was like like I was dying but I didn't care about anything nothing I saw my head split into two from the top down I saw our waterfall several times and uh I said okay I'm ready to go again were you nervous again I was nervous again but I knew [Music] and uh and it's not you don't know what else there is but you know that there's more essentially what's happening is you're entering this higher level of Consciousness that you've not experienced before and you don't want to come back you started yelling at the top of my lungs I was like go in there go in there get in and I knew what it was like to die foreign [Music] everybody welcome back to the show this one's a little bit different I want to share my psychedelic experience with you all how it benefited me I'm gonna tell you every little detail what I saw what I experienced all the little intuitive type things that came up I'm doing this for two reasons one I've heard about this for a couple years now from a multitude of different guests that have been on the show I finally decided to go try myself and man it changed everything changed my entire life my whole family Dynamic for the better and I want to get the word out there because I think this could help a lot of people not just veterans everybody and the second reason I'm doing it is because I want to raise money for the organization that put me through that which is vets founded by Marcus and Amber Capone so there's a link in the description very prominent placement please go to the link and donate even if it's just one dollar if everybody donates one dollar and this show gets 200 000 views that's two hundred thousand dollars that they can spend putting former Special Operations guys through this treatment we've all been through a lot and they deserve it and so please help me and my friends out donate to vets so that they can send more guys through this treatment save more families more lives you guys get the point and I know you'll do it because I love you guys and I know you love us so thank you in advance enjoy the show so you went on a trip last week I did go on a trip and I took ibogaine and then all my hair fell out [Laughter] I like this new look I'm just kidding I'm digging it the ibogaine did make my hair fall out I'm just getting old and I have a uh bald spot and it started it just started to look like you know it started to look like a guy trying to cover up a bald spot so I had to whack it off well you've been talking about it since before our wedding yeah it's been two years so I'm all for it I like this now so you want to hear about my my ibogaine treatment with vets I do I want to hear all about it I guess I should probably talk about why I did it you know we had we've had so many people here that have talked about how psychedelics have helped with anxiety PTSD traumatic brain injury anger forgetting what you're saying mid-sentence all that kind of stuff and um it kind of started with Gallagher Eddie Gallagher and then we brought Marcus and Amber Capone on who started vets McCall McHale Vega did it he's the one that he was kind of the Pioneer in the seal community that brought it to light and DJ Shipley did it Ed Calderon had talked about it and there's more guys going but after hearing all these guys you know talk about how life-changing it was you know um something that people don't really see behind the cameras what goes on outside of this room and uh I did I do deal with a lot of anxiety and a lot of anger especially when it comes to all kinds of things and and I'm tired of living like that and and and being in the moment you know forgetting what I'm saying mid-sentence I do that on camera all the time and and you know I just I thought I was good because you know before we had met and while we met uh I I did like three and a half years of therapy twice a week that's that's like 300 and something sessions yeah and it did do a lot for me but then we moved and that was we moved and and I'm not with that therapist anymore so I didn't I didn't want to find a new one and and I figured you know I might want to give this a shot so so we went down there and we did ibogaine the treatment includes ibogaine and five Meo DMT which is actually different than DMT and um Frozen that don't know what those are there's a ton of information online about both of those and and actually Tony Robbins gives a very good description of what his 5meo DMT experience was like and how it took his fear of death away but so yeah we went down there and I had called Marcus and Amber as you know or actually texted them and I had like kind of a breakdown and and I was I was just ready to do it and I honestly I felt kind of guilty calling him because I know there are a lot of guys that are a lot worse off than than me and and who are in relationships you know with their wife that are a lot worse off than us we have a great relationship but you know like we struggle a lot with a lot of things and and they they got me right in there you know and and I was a little skeptical you know you got to be open-minded for something like this extremely open-minded and I didn't know how it was gonna go but I was just going off of the the authenticity that these guys on the show you know had an and and how genuine they are when I talk about this treatment so I figured let's I'm gonna try it yeah and they couldn't Marcus and Amber couldn't have put a better program together to be honest everything is top-notch we went down there and when you arrive it is in a house that's it's not on the beach but it's got a hell of a view of the ocean and everybody had their own room they have a full medical staff they have chefs they take this extremely seriously it's not like I think what a lot of people think where you go down there and and it's going to be like 1965 you know with a bunch of hippies doing in the woods or something yeah it's nothing like that I mean you get there first thing you do is you get hooked up to a heart rate monitor they they give you an EKG they put like I think it's like eight wires on you test your heart to make sure you're healthy enough to do the medication they get an entire list of medications that you're on before you even go down there to make sure it doesn't interact with anything that you're going to be doing right didn't you have blood work done here too before you went down yeah they made you good they made you get an EKG here and blood work done here before you even go down right and then when you go down there they do it all over again so I got down there I mean basically I put my bags in the room and it was go get your EKG done go get your blood urine samples list of medications they turn they make you turn over all of your medications uh right there and they're just you know they're just to taking safety precautions and making sure that you're healthy enough to do uh the idogain treatment the 5meo DMT treatment I think it's majority for ibogaine because that's such a heavy drug but also though uh you weren't supposed to be like drinking or anything leading up to that too right no drinking for four days prior to even prior to and that was hard for me but I think a lot of people that watch this they saw my social anxiety video and think I don't drink I do drink I just don't drink hard stuff and I drink about a bottle of wine to a half a bottle of wine a night and every night before I go to bed so that was that was a little challenging wasn't too tough but it was a little challenging so we got down there and I went with two other people uh one I'm not going to mention their name because I don't have permission the other was I actually went with Marcus Capone and man their staff down there was just so welcoming and extremely professional they they even have chefs you get you get a three-course meal sometimes a four course meal three times a day I mean breakfast is a three-course meal wow and it's got like the presentation and everything uh it I mean it's like a five-star restaurant you know and uh except you're just eating in a dining room it's and so I guess I'm telling all this because I'm trying to paint a picture when you go down there it is 110 all about relaxation you know they want you to be comfortable it's not you're not overloaded with all these different activities to do all day long it's it has come down here relax think about why you're doing this think about your intentions on why you're doing this think about what you want to get rid of or what you hope to get rid of and and and the other thing they do tell you is don't come down here with a whole bunch of expectations because of the other people who've done it because this stuff works different on everybody and um so I did go down there I didn't have any expectations and honestly I was a lot more skeptical than I probably let on being down there but um another real quick though another thing though um that's important too is uh communication you know what I mean like you were kind of cut off from your phone and things like that which I think was really good like I think you had the option to have your phone yeah but I think to be in the moment to really get the most of the experience it sounds like anyways you really need to like surrender your phone and be there right yeah they it they don't make it like mandatory like hand over your phone uh but they definitely encourage not being on your phone all the time and so I turn my phone over right and and we talked to a good friend of ours uh who had done this experience and he said the same thing him and his wife said hey you know don't be on the phone just disconnect yeah disconnect be selfish and let this medicine do what it needs to do you have to be a hundred percent committed in it for this for this stuff to work and uh we both really respect that not just that individual but that couple and um and really took that to heart so yeah I got down there and I put my phone on no notifications and you're the only one I was texting at first just you and Sonny you know our son and then Tuesday I turned it over and I was like I just because even that first night it was I'm getting texts from all these people and it makes it just it's like I can't I don't want to deal with this right now this is for me and so I did wind up just turning the phone off handed and over and so so you go down there first day you do all the medical stuff and then you do the sweat lodge second day is very relaxed it's uh very you watch a couple of documentaries on ibogaine um about the treatment and some of the science behind it and what it does and which was uh extremely interesting and there's a lot of coaching that happens from Trevor and his staff Trevor's it's his business it's he's I don't know what his um I don't know what his title would be I think it would be psychedelic healer maybe I don't think he's a shaman but uh he's I think he's a psychedelic healer that's what we'll call him psychedelic healer so they kind of Coach you and manage expectations and and encourage you to you know really dive deep into your intentions and everything so I journaled the whole thing in this book which is the same book that all the guest stuff goes in so I journaled everything in this book every every event I didn't journal every day I don't think but I thought I journaled every event that we did and okay so yeah so I wrote down why I was there and I really Dove deep into my attentions and so my major intention my first my primary priority was just to be I wanted to be in the moment again because I know you know this but it would be it was just I couldn't talk to you without my head being somewhere else and I couldn't play with our son Sonny without my head being somewhere else and the only thing I could do to be in the moment is to drink a half a bottle of wine and smoke marijuana every night until midnight why are you crying and uh and then I would go to bed come home go to work for eight plus hours half the time I wouldn't even get anything done I'm just doing busy work and that created a lot of stress you know and you saw how it was in traffic and crowds I had a ton of anxiety my anxiety immediately turns to anger which makes me pissed off all day long yelling about politics traffic you name it I'm upset um and and so I I knew that was affecting you and I knew if it wasn't affecting our son yet that it was going to uh when he starts getting older and so I wanted to make some changes and and um so that was my primary intention I wanted to I wanted to be in the moment I wanted to get rid of anxiety I wanted to get rid of my anger and I just wanted to be a better husband and a better father for a son and for you and another thing and then I wrote like some other stuff down that I don't really feel like I need to get into one of them being you know I forget what I'm saying mid-sentence all the time and people make fun of me in the comments section about it oh you've been blown up too many times and yeah it's all funny and that's great you can talk [ __ ] on YouTube uh behind a keyboard but this shit's real like it is from being blown up too many [ __ ] times and um and um so after Marcus's interview because he has bad TBI I was hoping that it was going to do something for me and uh so and that's that's humiliating you know when he can't put a sentence together or you forget what you're talking about mid-sentence people just I mean I just told you look at the comment section on YouTube and um so I was hoping maybe that that would help with some of that too and so I wrote all this stuff down and and wrote down how I was feeling and I wrote down all the stuff that I wanted the medicine to take away also which was uh besides anxiety and anger issues I wanted it to in stress I wanted it to take away just stuff that we'd all deal with whether you want to admit it or not you know jealousy um you know we've had a lot of people on the show and a lot of businesses have blown up because of the show and a lot of people have actually passed me up from being on my own show and which creates a lot of resentment and so I wanted the resentment to go away because that's the whole point of this is to help guys you know build businesses and and it does exactly that we've done amazing things with this show and um but it was always I always just felt used uh not just from people on the show uh very few actually but I've always felt a lot of resentment you know because I when somebody asked for help what do I do I drop everything yeah I drop my family yeah to go help people and then when you don't get the appreciation you know the resentment sets in so I wanted resentment I wanted resentment gone I wanted anxiety gone I wanted anger gone I wanted jealousy gone I wanted uh greed gone I wanted all those things just to be out of my life and and and you know I'm big on people with an ego problem and I think we all have an ego problem and I wanted my ego to just go away and um so that's a long list but so I wrote it all down and when you do this treatment it's very ceremonial so ibogaine comes from a plant in Africa I think it's Cardone I may be butchering that but you can look it up online I think it comes from Cardone I believe that's the country in Africa and it's very tribal you know there's a lot of like tribal traditions and and very ceremonial fire yelling uh dancing war paint the whole shebang whatever you want to call it and so at least the way Trevor runs it is it is very ceremonial I'm not quite that ceremonial but he had us write down all of our attentions and everything we wanted to get rid of on a piece of paper and we all sit around in a circle uh around a fire and you can say your intentions and what you want to get rid of you don't have to if you want to just say something else and say what you're thankful for whatever you want you to say you can say they're when it's your turn and you're done talking you put your piece of paper with all that information into a fire and burn it and there's a lot of like I think they're burning sage and and then you get the first pill and this is at night that we took the first pill at 7 30 P.M and then they give you they say look this takes a while to kick in so everybody go do whatever you want I'm within the house and in the kind of the backyard which is overlooks the ocean and and but at 8 30 we need everybody upstairs um which so you do it in this uh it's kind of like a lookout room it's got all these windows and which they black everything out for this but you go upstairs and after an hour so I went downstairs to my room and I just went through everything that I'd written all the reasons I went there and they also said if you have questions memorize your questions or if you want to bring a notebook upstairs and you can they said you can ask the medicine questions which I I was like okay ask the medicine questions I mean I didn't say anything and I was very open-minded I didn't judgment is another thing I wanted to get rid of but um because I'm very judgmental and so so I read through all my notes I just wanted to keep everything as fresh as possible in my head and I had all these questions and you know one of my questions is I I wrote down all kinds of questions I'm just going to keep that to myself but one up there at 8 30. and I went up there at 8 30. and Marcus was already up there the other uh gentleman was already up there and you have these mattresses that are on the floor I walk into the room the room's completely they blacked all the windows out and you kind of settle under your mattress I wore just like pajamas a hoodie and pajama pants walk in and right in front of your mattress they had like a like a big mirror in front of everybody's mattress they had a big mirror and a candle and then like some other stuff it was like a jar of rocks with some a feather sticking out and then like a thing of flowers and everybody had the exact same thing and then you have a bucket or a trash can next to you because a lot of people wind up vomiting on this on IBA game because it's so potent and they call that a purge and they say if if you're gonna Purge then you're purging all this like negative energy or or things from the past or whatever your Purge and all that so anyways I I did have some questions even though I was skeptical I had memorized them and hearing some of the stuff beforehand it's you know I've never done any psychedelics I've done a lot of drugs but I've never done any psychedelics and um and so the first thing they do once you kind of settle in is they put they hook you up to that EKG machine again so and they have a full Med staff in there and I mean even before this they're running IVs I mean they're making sure you're hydrated everything like is Top Notch there and so they hook everybody up to these EKG machines uh to monitor your heart during the during the treatment because it does raise your heart rate a lot and uh and it does it can create a lot of anxiety depending on what you're dealing with during your experience so they hook everything up and and then you take another pill and almost immediately so it was an hour between I think it was an hour between pill one pill two and oh and also at the end of the mattress they had these maracas with like this tribal stuff inscribed on the side of it and in in your and you bring an eye mask to put an eye mask over your face when this starts when it starts when you start feeling the medicine and so I sat Indian style and I'm looking at this mirror and they start once everybody's hooked up and everything's good to go medically they play this music called Wiki music and this [ __ ] is it's like nothing I'd ever heard I I don't even know why they call it music it sounds like yeah it sounds like 50 people in a house and it would it would be like you go take that 10 trash can and just start banging it against the wall as loud as you can and you take the trash can lid and just start throwing it on the ground at random and you go over to the cabinet and start throwing all the glass out of the cabinet and just smashing everything on the floor and you just start slamming cabinet doors and you and you you grab a pot and bang it on the counter I mean there's like no rhyme no rhythm no nothing yeah all you can tell is it speeds up and slows down so it is like pure chaos and you're just listening to this like what the hell are we listening to listening to and I think what they're doing is they're trying to one it's it's it's from that area of Africa I believe it's part of the ceremony and and that's what you're listening to when this thing starts so I'm looking in the mirror and you know I'm still a little skeptical and they said they said yo when the medicine kicks in a lot of people will hear a buzz and I was like okay well I'm probably not going to hear a buzz because I have tinnitus really bad and I hear a buzz or ringing like all the time so I'm like there's no way I'm gonna hear a buzz sitting there and so I'm like all right well you know I'm open I'm going to let this thing do whatever it needs to do because that's the other thing they say is just you have to allow this stuff to work don't don't fight it no matter what comes up from your past or whatever the feeling is just let this medicine take you where it needs to take you and show you what it needs to show you and so I did I was really open-minded and and so we start in the mirror and I'm shaking this Morocco listening to this music I'm sitting Indian style and I'm just like you know all right looking at myself and I'm looking myself in the mirror and nothing's happening this is how long after the second pill I don't know you have you have like no conception you have no concept of time none at all I'm just shaking this Maraca nothing's really happening and then they come over and they give you another pill and um so I don't know I don't know how long it was I feel like maybe it was an hour in between pill one and pill two maybe 30 minutes in between pill two and pill three and then they give you a fourth pill and I think maybe that's like I think they cut the time in half every time but I'm not sure because you don't actually have any concept of time but so I took second pill I'm sitting there and I'm shaking this damn rock on nothing's happening and and all you can see is like your face and that like the candle flicker you know there's no other light in there so it's really dark and um ensure [ __ ] something starts happening and I start seeing these Black Tears come out of my eyes and I wasn't crying but I just saw like black tears and I saw like out of my peripheral because I'm looking at my I'm looking at myself in the eyes in the mirror and then I could you know out of my peripheral I could see the tears but if I tried to focus on the tears they were gone like immediately gone and so I'd look at myself in the eye again and then the tears would start again and I was I was trying to figure out I was like is that a shadow from the candle or or is this actually happening and I mean I know it wasn't actually happening because I went like you know what the and and so I keep I kept shaking and sure [ __ ] once I figured out that if I focus on it or try to focus on it then it's going to disappear so I just let it I Quit trying to focus on and I just looked at it through my peripheral and and it just started tearing like more and I and I see the tears like dripping off my nose and they were black and so that kind of went away a little bit just kind of stopped and I was like man that was weird and I look over and uh the guy I was in the center of the guy to my right he had already laid down and put his eye mask on I looked over and uh Marcus was kind of still doing his thing looking in the mirror and and the next thing I saw was I saw my head split into two from the top down like you draw a center line from the center of my head down my nose down my chin and it like split like it started it was almost like a it was peeling and so it started here and my head just like went like that started going like that and once again if I tried to focus on it then it would just it would go away the minute I'd focus on it it was just back to normal and but when her head's like splitting like that it's hard not to freak out a little bit and you know I'm looking at it and come back you know and then I would let it I would look at it through my peripheral peripheral vision and it would start doing this again [Music] kept I couldn't help myself from trying to focus on it because it's so weird looking right and everything's like perfect ly proportioned like if if your head was to peel and bend like everything was exactly the way you think it would look but there's nothing there's no like blood and guts I can't see my brain or anything you know it's just splitting and after like three or four times and once I got it again like all right just try not to focus on it just let it let it happen [Music] try not to focus on it my head was like this and it kept splitting and then up the middle of where my top my head was splitting like I saw another head coming out of my head and it was my own head so it was like this it was like this head was peeling and then another head was coming up of my head and like started at the forehead like very slowly it's not like it just popped up it was just like very slowly so you couldn't really tell at first I was like that's my own head coming coming out of my head and so I was like looking at that and right about that time I started to hear that buzz and it sounded like it was like a buzz I had never heard before it's a lot of the stuff that I'm gonna talk about is like really hard to describe or put into words and I started to hear this buzz and it sounded like it sounded like if you can imagine a bee with metal wings like fluttering and both like just right next to both of your ears that's what it sounded like and and I I was like there's no way no you know and so I plug my ears because I was like this has to be the music I plug my ears and I all like so the I could still hear the music a little bit obviously but you know got really dug down but that buzzing did not get dubbed down at all and I could hear so I could hear my tinnitus and I could hear like this metal buzzing and it started really quiet it was also like this sensation until it would feeling or maybe I don't know basically you're essentially what's happening is you're entering this higher level of Consciousness that you've not experienced before and you're starting to feel all this energy in your body and when I felt the when I started to hear the the that metallic Buzz it started like at the bottom of my spine like like right above my ass and I could feel it it I could feel it moving up my spinal cord and as it moved up my spinal cord it was getting louder it wasn't like moving up at like a fast pace it was like a very slow and steady pace and I started I started getting a little anxious I was like oh man like that's that's okay this is we're going in you know I'm like we're going in and so I wanted to stay in front of the mirror a little bit longer so I I stayed in front of the mirror and the next thing I saw in the mirror was it was like I was wearing a mask and so there was like this line that went from like the top right of my forehead down to like the bottom left my chin and but it was like a rigid line almost like if somebody had like a hockey mask and it got cracked in half you know what I mean and on this on the top portion of my head I saw it was like I am today except I had hair and um and on the bottom portion it was very like weathered and it looked like I was it looked like if you opened a casket a hundred years after somebody died and the skin just started like kind of like coming off but it wasn't I wasn't scared you know what I mean it wasn't like a horror movie or anything you could just see like the skin was like coming off and it was white like that like white grayish color and uh and I was like okay that's enough so so and by that time that buzz I could it was it was louder and I could feel that energy that chill like it was like right at my neckline and the only kind of way to describe the chill is it's not like a chill like when you're cold it's it's like a chill when you're running a fever you know you you're not cold but you have like a chill and that's the chill it's it's basically the same thing but it moves slowly up your spine and so I laid back I put the eye mask on and uh I looked over I was the last one looking at the mirror I actually wanted to get back up and look at it again later to see if anything else happened and so rewinding real quick you know the Black Tears there's some different I Googled some of this stuff because I didn't I think there's a lot of symbolism that's going on and they they basically say that this medic this medicine ibogaine uh they called eboga as well that Boga speaks to you and and in these roundabout ways and it and and there's a lot of symbolism behind everything so the Black Tears had something to do with me not really being happy with myself and who I was and I think that's what that symbolized and and and and the other thing it could have been was a lot of grief from uh friends that I lost you know and uh from the teams and and after the teams and could have been that and then the my head peeling and mushrooming out of my own head uh it I think that represented New Beginnings and the like the mask type thing I don't know what that was uh I I'm kind of stumped on that one but but um anyways so I laid back and it's in I could feel it in my neck and it's like it started instead of going up my spinal column it's kind of started to V out like this and I could feel this chill like go over my entire scalp like this it just stayed there and this is where I would think most people would have anxiety you get anxious because just hearing this makes me anxious thinking about a buzzing and this feeling coming over through my spine up to my head so yeah I could see why having the EKG and everything well it's funny you mentioned that because right at that point Trevor came over to me and and you're like a hundred percent with it it doesn't sound like you're 100 with it but if you snap out of it or somebody's asking you a question you you're you're there it's not like you're intoxicated on booze or or sluggish anyway nothing like you're still sharp and he's like are you okay and I was like he's like I'm just checking on you are you are you doing all right do you feel anything and I think my heart monitor was probably going but um but uh so I think he was just like making sure like hey let's just how you doing and I was like I hear the buzzing I was like that I was like this [ __ ] doesn't sound like tinnitus and he was like that's normal he's like don't worry about that a lot of people hear that and I was like I I feel like this chill over the top of my brain and he's like that's fine and I'm like I'm doing good I was like I'm gonna let it take me wherever it needs to take me I'm just this is not what I was expecting yeah and um and uh put the eye mask back on and there wasn't like a whole lot of visualizations at this point but there was a lot of sensation and like that chill was real and that buzzing was real and this music was driving me insane and the music would start speeding up and it didn't bother me as much when I was sitting up looking at myself in the mirror but when I laid down it felt like when that Wiki music sped up it felt like I was laying flat on a Merry-Go-Round and somebody was spinning me 100 miles an hour I mean we're talking extreme vertigo it's like when you've had when you're extremely intoxicated and you get the spins and you start getting nauseous it's that exact feeling and then when the music slows down I would still have a little vertigo but it wasn't like I was going to get nauseous and so I did wind up purging um when that it just kept happening kept speeding up and finally I did Purge and not that anybody wants to know what it tasted like but it didn't taste like any vomit that I've ever had before it was metallic flavor and or taste not flavor but it was like this metallic taste it was like horrible [Music] and there's nothing really to there's not much to come up because you fast all day before this um so there's nothing in your stomach and uh so you're dry heaving a little bit there's your purging and like I said they say when you're purging you're like getting a lot of add [ __ ] up and uh and and negative energy things that you've gone through whatever it's all coming up and so I get done doing that put my eye mask back on lay back down I started feeling this stuff like it was like I could feel this medication like seeping into every crevice of my brain like every Corner every crevice going through it everything you can feel it and so I think you're tapping into [Music] a new level of Consciousness that that is pretty much impossible to reach uh for the regular human mind and you know they say what this does is you're able to access a lot more of your brain than you are uh in normal Consciousness and so so I could feel that happening and right about that time I'll put it this way you know if you cut yourself your brain is telling all the cells to run down if you if I cut my wrist you know my brain is telling all my cells to go to that area and heal that to coagulate the blood and start to heal the wound correct or if I feel pain you know or if if I catch a virus and your immune system begins to fight the virus your digestion all these kind of things you you kind of become aware of what's actually happening you're it's like you're tapping into your subconscious subconscious and and you're feeling and kind of in not in control but you're feeling everything that your body's doing that you normally don't ever feel is kind of what I think was happening and so I'm laying back and I start seeing like these visualizations of color and there was a lot of purple a lot of green a lot of like pink magenta type colors but it wasn't like these bright it wasn't like a it wasn't like I was in a a Beatles music video in the 60s or 70s you know it wasn't anything like that it was like almost kind of looked like see like a gas in space you know it's like these different colors and it just kind of moves in these different shapes or uh if you've ever like taken food coloring and dropped it into a glass of water and you see like it kind of explode like that it's kind of like that the shapes are constantly moving and same thing as the mirror if I tried to focus on any particular shape or color then it would disappear and it didn't take up like my entire field of view it was just very specific points and they would kind of move around kind of like like an amoeba if you remember what those are in science or maybe the shape of like an actual I think everybody knows what a virus looks like now after covid but it's just these really abstract shapes that are just constantly moving and what I think that was is I think as that medicine was moving through my brain it was every time it was hitting the receptors it was like flashing colors that's kind of what I felt like was going on and so um pause there real quick what this medicine is proven to do is it disrupture default mode Network and so the human brain especially as we go to older and you develop your ego and your way of thinking that's where all the that's why we get more judgmental when we get as we get older that's you develop your ego and what you think is right and wrong or what your ego thinks is right and wrong and and and good and bad and all this other stuff what that does is so it's it's the back your brain and the front of your brain and basically it's sending neurons back and forth from the front of your brain to the to the back of your brain the frontal and rear lobe right so what ibogaine does and and I believe all psychedelics do this somewhat it basically interrupts that and so what happens is instead of the neurons traveling back and forth like this consistently just over and over and over again it disrupts that and it forces these neurons to your brain still has to communicate between the front and the back so it's like finding all these new avenues to communicate because they can't just they can't just be lazy and go back and forth from that main the default mode Network have to travel to all the parts of your through all the parts of your brain that you don't normally access so you're using like so much more of your brain capacity than what than what we normally use that's fascinating isn't it yeah and so that was going on for a while and I have no idea how long that lasted and the next thing I saw and I didn't even really realize these were visualizations until uh until the end but the next thing that I experienced was all these memories I think they were memories I know they were memories were going through my head and when Andy Gallagher was here he kind of said it was like a film strip and like going through his head and I I kind of thought that was like a figure of speech that's pretty much what it looks like so mine the way mine the way I saw that was it would be it looked like a two-lane road or just two lines going like this it was like widescreen TVs and there were movies playing in the TVs and I don't know how long it was but it was like a strip like coming from the back of my head to the front of my head two strips and then disappearing off into the distance all in a straight line so and it looked like kind of Star Wars credits you know how they like go like this and as they scroll they just start disappearing that's kind of what it looked like it was two rows of of widescreen movies happening and as they're passing you by you could kind of see what was going on in each screen [Music] the exact same thing you can't if you try to focus on one particular screen they all go away and then it starts over again and so this there was a pattern happening here every time you try to focus or try to take control of a situation it takes everything away and so I was I was in I'm under an eye mask you know what I mean so this is all like going on in my head there's you're not really seeing anything it's all happening like right here I saw glimpses of flights stuff that happened in Iraq but I don't know what it was I saw glimpses of stuff that had happened in childhood I saw glimpses of you and Sonny uh the only one that like I remember like very vividly is our property and I saw I saw our waterfall like several times uh going through my head and I it was like the only thing that I didn't that I could tell immediately what it was without trying to focus on it I could just see it just passing by and I was like oh man that's that's that waterfall that's on our property and um and I must have saw it I don't know how many times maybe three or four times you know pass through and it just anything that had anything to do with nature like stuck out like a sore thumb and then the other stuff like there was something with my dad that passed by that I didn't like it to watch like what was going on in that screen but it was something that had happened a long time ago in childhood and and uh you know just always remember that day but but most the stuff I couldn't really put together I was just like I think that was was that maybe something that happened in Baghdad but but I couldn't focus on anything it's uh otherwise it would all disappear and so so that was going on and so I think what that was uh was kind of the same thing it was this medicine like opening up new Pathways that hadn't been accessed in years I mean they say they say that you never actually lose your memory everything that's happened from the day you're born until today it's all up here everything all of it is up here and maybe even before you're born but it's all up here it's just you don't have the ability to to access it you know and so I think what this is doing is as it's moving through your brain and opening up these new Pathways because it can't use the default mode Network it's accessing all of these memories that you maybe some of them you have you know memories of and other stuff that you just forgot about but it's always been there you know what I mean and just because you forgot about it doesn't mean that you're over whatever happened there or or maybe just you know what I mean it's it's bringing all this like stuff up and maybe that you you've subconsciously blocked out of your mind because it was a traumatic event some of it was good stuff you know but it was all being everything was being accessed I felt like my entire brain was just like lit up yeah and um and then I don't know what happened it like went black and um went black for for I don't know how long and I remember and I remember all of a sudden the music changed so I I kind of feel like I may have blacked out during the experience uh at least through part of it because I don't remember the wiki music ending and the next thing starting which was like regular it's kind of like weird Trippy Music um stuff that I don't listen to but it just was kind of it was different and um I actually have the playlist but uh maybe I'll link that below but um but I just remember thinking like oh what what happened to the wiki music [Music] I didn't see anything there was no visualizations no colors I still had feeling you know very like overpowering Sensation that this stuff was all throughout my body and my veins everything and um and I could still feel like that chill in my brain and and kind of feel things moving around up there but I could not feel anything and um I got a little bit paranoid that I was like oh man I'll bet when I purged I probably purged up the last pill or two that I probably lost all effect and I'm gonna have to kind of do this all over again and also like almost immediately when I laid down I got I got sweats like the night sweats and dude my entire my clothes were completely soaked my mattress was soaked my pillow was soaked the blanket was soaked like I was this stuff is like drawing a lot of bad stuff out of your body and and just for the record I lost 11 pounds one week off of this stuff so it drew a ton of toxicity out of my body and I'll tell you how we know it was toxicity later but so I'm thinking I'm like I didn't see anything I probably purged up the last two pills but I was like I was like all right just calm down this is me trying to take control of the situation again and say hey I'm nothing's happening I need to control this give me more or whatever and which you don't want more this none of this stuff feels great you know it's Nixon made this stuff illegal in like the 70s because he said it was addictive there's no way in hell this is addictive um because you I mean you're Nosh there's no pleasure no there's none you're dealing with stuff that you I mean you got to be ready to deal with it and you have to you know be open to dealing with it otherwise this this isn't going to work so it's really open but anyways our this thought popped in my head at that point uh after I was starting to get a little bit frustrated and I was like you know what my primary intention was actually to be in the moment and maybe I'm not having any visual visualizations because it wants me to be in the moment and so once that thought kind of popped in my head I don't know maybe that was a Boga like putting that thought in my head like we're not you're not going to see anything else until you're in the moment and so I just played there and actually thought about nothing and I was in the moment and uh once I kind of let go of that control and that's a thing that's an issue that I have is control and and I mean I've structured my entire business so that I can control every access every every I can control every point of my business and then it overwhelmed me and so it's really hard for me to kind of let go of that control and well once again I don't know if I really blacked out or not but then that went on for seemed like a long time of nothing and um and then the and then I've had a visualization this is kind of trippy and hard to describe but you know how like those horses on a Merry-Go-Round like steadily go up and down and up and down that I wasn't on a Merry-Go-Round but that was like what I was doing I felt like I was floating up and down into this music that was playing and I was in this maze with these really weird looking stuffed animals and like dolls and [ __ ] like that from like floor to ceiling but you can't see the floor or the ceiling it was just these walls that like seemed infinite of weird looking stuffed animals and dolls and stuff and you're just going like this through this blank Maze and there was walls of this and uh I was I have no idea what that meant felt like something out of Alice in Wonderland it was really it sounds like it like I was uh like I was in Hunter S Thompson's head or something but but um that didn't last very long and then uh I don't know if it went black again but I but then all of a sudden I remember kind of waking up and I didn't are coming back too maybe and uh I was thinking about you and sunny and um the music was gone and all I could hear was the White Noise machines on and um and at one point in time I I got up I had to go to the bathroom and they they unplugged it from the the hard the EKG machine and when you stand up they're like look don't it seems like you can move fine in your head but you're you can't so take it real slow baby steps and so you're like stepping like this like a shuffle yeah like a like if you've ever seen What About Bob and they say baby steps to the bus and he's like that's how you're walking to the bathroom and they're holding and you're so you have vertigo and you're shaking I mean you can't even you can't even like stand there by yourself and pee barely and um and you get help go back and then I I purged again at some point after that but anyways I'm thinking about you and Sonny started thinking about my parents uh my brother and my sister like a lot of family stuff and um but good all good it was more like I was just wondering you know what you guys were doing and remembering good things and that lasted for a little bit and then the um the like the last thing that I was thinking about which I didn't want to think about it and I know this came from a prior conversation was um was China building all these cities in Africa and we had a discussion about how they're building all these Villages and cities and all over Africa and um basically taking over the continent uh which is actually happening and and that's kind of a fear of mine and um and so I was thinking about that but I didn't want to think about that I was like I'm not here to think about right China's long game and um but it was and then it left like I once like I thought about it for a little bit and I had these visualizations of like me going through Chinatown in the middle of Africa and these Villages that are all China Chinese and and uh and once I like made the decision like I'm not thinking about this right now this isn't why I'm here it it was gone and it was back to family and uh I'd taken my uh sleep mask off and I could see the light shining through the uh the blackout shades and I was like oh man I was like it's morning already and I wish I would have taken my watch off but I had it on I looked at my watch and it was like eight something in the morning wow and I thought that this maybe a couple hours had gone by that's 12 hours yeah and so you feel like horrible like you feel horrible you can't walk I'm still nauseous you're I'm completely soaked because I've been sweating all night and so I just I just like laid down and tried to go to sleep but this medicine keeps you up you're not going to sleep and and so I looked over Marcus had actually already gone and then the other guy was still laying there and he was just kind of but he didn't he looked fine and I was like I remember asking I was like do you do you feel as bad as I do right now and he's like it'll start to wear off and uh and I was like okay and I I just I was like man I can't even move like I I don't even want to move my arm I feel like if I move anything I'm gonna vomit again again and um so I just laid there with my mask on woke up again or like now woke up because you can't sleep but no more visualizations at this point it's just pure misery and uh I lift up my eye mask and look at my watch again it's 12 30 p.m oh my gosh and this dude the the other guy that was next to me he's gone now and nobody else is in the room except like this poor paramedic who's on who's on watch you know because they can't leave until everybody's out of the room and I felt like bad for him I was like I was like man I could be in here for another 48 hours I don't know you know like I'm not going anywhere and I was but I had to go to the bathroom so it helped me up walked me to the bathroom laid back down I was like man I can't go to my room and so he ran me an IV I think they ran everybody in IV uh when when they were getting ready to leave uh to go back to their their actual room but Remy and Ivy gave me a little bit of anti-nausea venison through the IV and uh which actually helped and uh it took I think it took two guys to give me to my room if I remember right I mean you're not feeling great and uh and I had to go down two flights of stairs oh my goodness yeah to get to my room so I went to my room and laid down and they had people checking on me like seem like every 30 minutes and I was just laying in my bed sweat started up again immediately my bed was soaked so asking me if I want anything to eat do you want anything to eat no do you want any soup no do you want any broth no there's nothing I'm going to be able to hold down I feel horrible they're like don't worry it's gonna start to wear off soon I think I was there for another four hours oh my goodness yeah and finally in during that four hours the I I was having those visualizations again that I said uh were like the kind of like the Amit the colors of the amoebas moving through and and same colors it was like green magenta pink uh there was some blue actually this time and and uh if I would open my eyes and look at the wall I could see like this is crazy but I feel like I could like see the energy in the wall like flickering kind of moving around and um it was that was it was pretty tame it wasn't anything like my head peeling back or anything and um so I got up I had to go to the bathroom went to the bathroom looked at myself in the mirror and first thing I wanted to look at was my eyes I was expecting my pupils to be like super dilated and they weren't but I felt like my eyes were different and I was like I don't know I was like what is going on with my eyes and I wrote this down in my journal by the way and looking in my eyes and I'm like something's different I don't know if they're I think they might be darker but I'm not sure but something is definitely different with my eyes and then I took a shower went upstairs they asked me if I wanted anything to eat I was like absolutely not and I just wanted to go outside so I just went outside I was like I just want to get some fresh air went outside sat there was looking out at the ocean not thinking about anything [Music] and I sat there for two and a half hours I haven't been able to sit with myself for 17 years at least at a minimum it's been 17 years since I left the SEAL Teams haven't been able to sit with myself at least since I left the SEAL Teams and just be by myself and think about nothing my head wasn't racing anymore I wasn't all about anger and anxiety and things that had happened in business and and current events current events and none of that was there it was just I was just there in the moment I realized I was like holy [ __ ] like my primary intention like it happened I'm here sitting by myself not talking not thinking about things just here enjoying this moment I sat there for two and a half hours I couldn't sit there for two minutes before yeah and as I was looking out at the ocean I started seeing these it looked like cells like like cells like in your body cells it was a but they were translucent almost like floaties in your eyes do you have floaties I've had them before are they translucent like weird little shapes yeah like a blur I've had like a little blur thing like little Bubbles and stuff maybe that's what this was like okay and so it looked like like if you look at a microscope and you see all these cells like moving around real fast and there was just thousands of them just moving around all over the place and I I feel like it was like all these cells that are regenerated and it was being projected from the back of my eye to the front of my eye like I was looking through like a filter also I've I also think that my vision actually improved because things and distance at distance seemed a lot crisper but uh I would look at something else and I couldn't really see the cells but if I looked over the horizon and it was like a constant color like if I looked at something then it was busy and there was a lot going on like grass or flowers or buildings or whatever I couldn't see it but if I looked at something that was like a consistent color like the ocean or the sky I could see it all these little things just moving around all over the place but they were very faint and and like I said they were actually they weren't even they weren't even translucent they were like transparent and um all as you can see is a little like outlines of things and um Ned and so what I think that was is this medicine I believe is proven to regenerate cells in your brain neurogenesis it replenishes your brain it replenishes The receptors and it promotes brain growth and every generation of cells and I think I was seeing that be projected and to the front of my eye and then the in in at that point somebody had come out and I'd mentioned I I said I said do you guys see this and uh or is it just me and uh they saw it too and um one of them did and I was like okay and uh so I closed my eyes I was I just didn't want to leave being outside it just felt so it felt so good to be there not thinking about anything and just be in there in the moment that I didn't want to leave and uh I I just closed my eyes and I saw this was weird I don't know what this meant I don't know why I saw it but it was like a 1980s video game graphic it almost looked like the like a like if Sonic the Hedgehog was developed on Atari back in the 80s kind of would have looked like but it was this little red like Circle with stick arms and stick legs and it like walked out of the corner of my eye stopped like dead center of my vision turned waved at me put its arm back down turned and then walked right back out the corner of my eye and I was like what the hell was that that's like the only thing that I saw that that I was just like what and and I don't know what that was um so like I said I still felt like crap so I went down to my room and I was like all right I'm gonna go to bed for the night and was really early and I remember closing my eyes and and like those little energy shapes or amoebas were there again and then I saw a perfect grid lines which I don't know what that is but I've wrote it down in here but I saw like it was um where are they yeah it was like these perfect it was these perfect grid lines and they were like this deep blue but very vibrant and I don't I don't know if that meant anything but it just covered by the entire inside of my eyelids yes like graph paper just like and um and then I just saw my notes something I forgot to say was um your teeth are chattering during this whole experience oh when the ibogain kicks in your teeth are like not like real bad but they're like they're chattering and um and yeah that was they call that the gray day the day after you take the ibogaine they call it the gray day I hope you guys are all enjoying the trip get it trip psychedelics trip just kidding but hey if you guys do like what you're hearing and you want to know more or you want to ask me any questions I do a live Zoom call at the end of every month on my patreon links below click it go to patreon I'll see you there on the zoom call let's talk about it but uh anyways hey also one other thing remember please donate to Marcus and Amber Capone's vets organization saves a ton of lives saves a lot of families they're doing amazing amazing things guys so anyways let's get back to the show love you guys see you soon so that was the ibogaine experience which is incredible um then you had the gray day and then what came next after that so great is Wednesday they do they all like I said they're still taking blood pressure and all this stuff and uh making sure everything's okay monitoring your medical and then Thursday comes around I felt a lot better I woke up feeling I had a little bit of a headache still they'd run like several IVs but all in all I felt really good and um I was like really excited to go back outside and you just kind of want to like be outside and uh just have like this urge and uh anyways so Thursday afternoon they say we're gonna do this uh five Meo DMT that's five Mike Echo Oscar DMT and I didn't really think much of it because I said it only lasts for about 10 to 15 minutes and they start talking about how you're going to experience death and I've never been really like scared to die on the battlefield I always kind of conserved myself already dead like when Tim asked how do you deal with like the anxiousness and stuff going down to Mexico you know when we were going to do that uh stuff that cartel series he's like you're not gonna like the answer to this and and he was like well you know how did you do it and I said I already considered myself dead before we ever even went on the mission so the only decision left to make is how am I gonna die am I going to die as a coward how am I gonna die fighting and he he was like uh not what he wanted to hear yeah and it wasn't like that with this though you know what I mean it was I didn't I wasn't like that Fearless guy um when they said you're gonna experience death I started getting like real anxious and uh real nervous well when I was at home I uh before you left I took a picture of your itinerary and uh so I was you know our communication was limited so I was checking the itinerary and I saw this five Meo DMT and it was like between your it was like after your lunch something like it was it just seemed like nothing on the schedule of events but I Googled it and it was like frog Venom it's from a toe toad Venom yeah toad Venom toad Venom so if you like irritate this specific type of toad then this Venom comes out and that's what it is so that like slang they kind of like if they say oh you you're gonna lick the toad and um anyway so they they set us down and they have us watch a couple of documentaries like mini docs and one of them is uh I don't know if he's a shaman or a psychedelic healer or what the title is I gotta ask Trevor what the title is but they have us watch two of One Mini documentary and it's this guy that administers five Meo DMT to all kinds of people and he administered it to like Mike Tyson and some big names and whatever right and so we're watching this and he spouts off this fact and I I'll never forget it he said that 92.6 of the people that he has administered five Meo DMT to no longer have a fear of death wow and be because you experienced death and you know what it's going to be like and I was I just started getting nervous yeah and and they started showing like people that were doing it and it it didn't look fun to me um but basically you smoke it and you put your arms out and you're sitting up and you fall backwards and it's like you're out and um and they had the eye masks on I believe you're supposed to wear and I'm or a lot of people wearing eye mask on with this and so I'm watching that and I'm like kind of looking at the other guys and I'm like do you guys look like good with us and so then we watched uh Mike Tyson did an interview with Tony Robbins on his podcast and Tony Robbins went and did five Meo DMT down in Brazil and he explains it and he said that the one thing that he has never been able to do is talk to people they're dying like cancer patients or people that are getting ready to die he just never was able to kind of overcome being able to talk to people before they die and let them know it's going to be okay or whatever you know Tony Robbins does he just wouldn't even take that on so he did research and found this five Meo DMT went down to Brazil did it uh like the ceremonial stuff and now he has zero problem talking to people they're dying if that are going to die of cancer or anybody that's getting ready to die or family that's died or all that stuff is like I have absolutely no problem doing that now that's amazing isn't it yeah and um it was a very interesting interview and after we watched those we went up and we had kind of like a group circle and we're sitting there talking about how it's going to work and Trevor's saying hey we can do it up here in this room or you can do it outside if you want sometimes people yell at the top of their lungs sometimes people scream and I'm like I'm like why would they be screaming and and so I just braised my hand and I I was like I don't know if I'm the only one but I'm feeling extremely anxious about this right now and I am very nervous and he's like well that's completely normal and and and uh the other guys have already done this and I'm like are you guys nervous and both of them were like I've done this before and I'm nervous again and I'm like oh man so is this something that they don't need to have you hooked up to EKGs for no they did no they didn't have us hooked up to anything for this one but they did still have a full Med staff uh on stage standby which um made me comfortable on one hand and on the other hand I'm like why is there all these medical people here and uh but he's kind of telling us how it's going to work and I'm he's like you can either do it outside you can do it outside some people scream some people get up some you know we got a full Med staff everything's gonna be fine they call this the Bliss drug like everything's gonna be fine and so the way it's described is like you're gonna get this major wave of anxiety like tote like anxiety like you've never felt oh my gosh and then it's gonna release and everything's gonna change and it's gonna be very euphoric this is all after you smoke it yeah and he's telling us how to do it and he says all right so basically what you want to do is you want to be basically do a slow 20 to 30 second inhale hold your breath for I can't remember how long and then exhale and by the time you're exhaling your arms need to be out like this and you just start counting backwards I'm like all right well that sounds easy and you're laying down you're like you're on the ground once you fall back so you're sitting up you smoke it you start doing your countdown with your arms out and you fall back okay and I'm like all right sounds easy enough but I'm nervous like real nervous and so I'm nervous about that you thought you were gonna die I didn't I didn't do any uh I didn't do any research on five Meo DMT because everybody has talked about the ibogaine and how powerful the ibogaine is and how it's curing addiction and all the and how powerful it is that I didn't even take the time to research This research the five Meo DMT and so when they're telling me I'm going to experience death that hit me like a ton of bricks I'm like oh I'm gonna what you know and and so I'm like well I would like to do it outside I've always heard you know that this I I liked being outside after I began it made me feel good being out there and thinking about nothing so I was I was like I want to go I just want to do it outside so and the other two had never done it outside if I remember correctly so they were like yeah I'll do it outside so they like all right we're gonna go set up so I set up to put a blanket out on the grass put a pillow out so when you fall back you don't hit your head on anything and and they said bring an eye mask out if you want to wear it you can wear your sleep mask if you don't want to wear it that's fine too and um beautiful day out it was probably around 70 degrees sunny um fresh air middle of the day yeah I think it was about two I think it was like two or three in the afternoon so I go out and they have like the med the medical staff is like in a half moon circle behind you so I'm facing this way Trevor's right here he's basically the only person I can see and then the medical staff is behind me and I saw they had like a uh a bag valve mask so if I something happens they're gonna bag me and I'm like oh [ __ ] and uh so I didn't know I was like holy [ __ ] can like new OD on this stuff or you know like what's what's gonna happen right you know what are the what are the possibilities yeah you know what are the what what is the repercussions if I get too much of this or I don't come out of it and and I didn't and I didn't want to go Google it real quick you know what I mean because no you don't knock yourself out yeah and so I was just like all right and they just kept saying like just like dive again you have to trust the medicine let it do let it take you where it's going to take you deal with whatever it puts in front of you whether it's a visualization whether it's a some type of an emotion or intuition whatever it is allow it to to do what it needs to do I'm like all right I mean this stuff like takes a lot of Courage I'm not gonna lie and at least for me it did and so I go out I'm first one and I didn't know how I was like should I go first should I not go first I really don't want to see Marcus Capone screaming going ape [ __ ] before I go do the exact same thing because he's a big dude you know he's like almost seven foot tall and and I'm like man I don't all right I'm going you know what I mean I'll I I was like I'll go first because I this if I see somebody else it might freak me out even more so I go and I like sit in there and I'm like looking at Trevor and he's like are you ready and I'm like man I'm like I'm like real nervous man and uh he's like it's fine he's like it's gonna be fine just just trust the medicine everything's gonna be fine and uh so we did this so you're supposed to do it three times they call it a handshake and he's like I can give you like the full thing all at once or I can do a handshake and what the handshake is is it's kind of like the first one's like a handshake like hey I'm getting to know you I'm just gonna give you a a little bit and then the second one I'll give you a little bit more and then the third one is like the most powerful dose and I was like I'll take the handshake method and uh [Music] so so we're sitting there and I do it you know I do like a long 20 to 30 second inhale put my arms out he's like hold your breath start to count backwards from 10 as soon as I started Counting all I have my eyes closed all these colors like it was like this explosion of color like a kaleidoscope red magenta pink orange yellow and it was just like like wow that's all I could see were all these colors it was like in a it was like a kaleidoscope it just ex my eyelids were just an explosion of color I started count backwards from 10. I don't know if I even hit seven and I was like boom you know hit the pillow close my eyes still have my eyes closed I guess and and man it was it was the most anxiety I had ever felt and probably and the most fear I had ever felt in my entire life and I don't know exactly what my mind was dealing with at that particular moment in time what I knew was dealing with a a lot of negativity and a lot of stuff and I just started yelling at the top of my lungs I was like go it means yelling screaming it and uh like I feel like I'd never yelled like that before in my life like it was it was intense in my you know when you get like a muscle spasm and like a very like pinpointed part of your body I felt like I had like 50 muscle spasms going all over my body at once and that was my like all of them were like shaking it wasn't like a spasm though it was like you know what it felt it was like when you put the TENS unit like for my back yeah you know when you put the TENS unit you on me and like my you can see my back muscles start like doing all these things they're coming around yeah and contorting my body that's what it felt like but all these little pinpointed places all over my body and I could really feel it the most in my back like right here on my glutes which come to find out that's and in my neck which is areas that you hold a ton of stress and that was just shaking and I was like I said I yelled I think two or three times like as loud as I was like get in there like I was telling myself like deal with this like this is in front of you you're gonna deal with it right now and you don't know what it was no it's like an it's like it's very it's it's a feeling it's an intuition it's I don't know what it was I can't pinpoint it I just know it fell like a ton like all of the bad [ __ ] that has happened to me all the anxiety all the negative energy everything was just it felt like it was getting sucked out of my body and and I could it felt like things were going like light speed like through like through my it felt like it was like going through my veins you know and then exiting through my fingers because I remember my hands opened up like like that like this and and I could just feel like all this like flowing right out same with my toes it was coming out of my toes and and it was just it was there was no visualizations at all like the color was gone it was black and it was just it took me to like my most vulnerable point I'd ever been in and and then I had this wasn't a visualization either this is more of like another intuitive feeling I felt like there was like this black tar or like goop or something on my heart and on my heart and like my major arteries and it felt like this like goo or or tar or whatever like was dripping off and then like and it was a full like I was I was 100 like letting this do what it needed to do there was I wasn't fighting it I was like trying to coach myself and encourage myself to to deal with whatever this was and um and it was like when you felt that last drop come off your heart off of my heart it it felt like it had sucked it felt like first it had sucked all the bad stuff out of me like negative energy traumatic events all that felt like it was like sucked out of my body it like extremely fast pace then then the tar came off and that felt like it was my ego I it's so hard to describe it's ineffable felt like my ego was now being sucked out of me like I no longer cared about anything and then I've felt it's like I felt my soul rise out of my chest and it just kept Rising in the nobody knows this but I'm gonna say it but the only feeling that I ever have felt that was even somewhat similar this was uh when I used to live in Colombia I overdosed on cocaine and uh all I remember was not being in my body but uh like I was in I wasn't like I was down looking at myself but I remember not feeling like I was in my body and I looked up and and these people were like trying to get me to drink water and like waking me up and all this other [ __ ] and and that is the but it was like this that my cocaine overdose felt like a small fraction of what was being what was happening right here right now and once my ego got sucked out of me it was like the most amazing feeling in the world the most and like I said there was a lot of anxiety right before that and and and more than I'd ever felt and way more than I had ever felt and and I they brought in like this person that teaches breath breathing techniques before we did the ivy gain and I remember the breathing techniques and I slowed my breathing down in my nose out my mouth and it's like right about almost simultaneously when I thought about the breathing techniques that's when my I felt like my soul was coming out of like just it felt like my body was melting into the Earth in my spirit or my energy or whatever you want to call it was like Rising above me and so I opened my eyes and I was under a palm tree I remember seeing palm tree leaves these birds flew over and I just remember the first thing I thought was I was like I can't believe uh how blue this guy is right now and and it and I and actually the first thing I thought was when I when I started those breathing techniques it felt like my breath turned into the Earth breathing and also at the exact same time this sounds weird and you know whatever like if you don't have an open mind you're not listening anymore anyways but it I I swear I felt uh uh I felt and heard the Earth's vibration the Earth has a vibration I don't care what anybody says I felt that I heard it it was like the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard in my life it was the most beautiful feeling I had ever felt in my life and I swear it was God or but it wasn't like you're meeting somebody there was no visualization what I saw was there it was it was the exact same stuff that I saw before I closed my eyes and fell backwards you know and I was but I was looking up and it was just this overwhelming feeling of peace and and welcomeness and zero judgment zero judgment and you didn't want to leave and uh thought about you and sunny and while I was in that state of mind I was telling myself I was like Let It Go everything's gonna be fine I was saying my wife sunny let everything go Let It Go and and I every time I said said it it like felt better and it takes you to this state of mind where you this kind of maybe sounds a little bit weird but it was like okay like I wasn't I it was okay that I was going somewhere that you feel like you're going somewhere and you're not coming back and where you're going is perfect and you don't want to come back and it's okay it was saying it now it sounds selfish but I wasn't it was okay that I was leaving you and Sonny behind and and then I kind of forgot about everybody and everything all of it I just it just everything going on up here is gone minutes it's it's heaven and I felt this is a handshake dose and I remember uh sitting up and I could still hear and feel the Earth's vibration I think this is actually like I think at that point I'd hit the peak of the medicine and I sat up and I remember looking I saw the ocean I saw everything [Music] that I saw before I fell backwards every you for the first time in my life I realized that every single thing on this planet is connected through this energy through this Earth's vibration or the vibration of the universe and and you could everything made perfect sense everything was perfect everything was beautiful everything was in perfect Unity it was just this flow of energy that you could you could you it's not like you could see it but you could see it you could feel it you could feel your energy going into the grass going into the Earth you could feel the ocean you could feel the air you could feel the energy of the of Trevor next to me the palm tree the bushes everything was everything out there is 100 interconnected it is all for the first time you see it you it's like and it's immediate you're like oh man like I've had it wrong everything on this Earth is connected through this energy the entire universe is connected and Trevor asked me if I wanted a little bit more and and I said I'm I said I'm I'm really good where I'm at I don't I don't need any right now and I just wanted to like live out this experience because every it was just I remember a bug was oh and then also when I came when I opened my eyes the first thing I wanted the first thing I did was move the blanket so that I could touch the grass and and I I got off when I sat up I I crawled off the blanket I just wanted to be in the grass and feel the grass and like the minute you put your hand on it you feel like this energy come out of your hand it goes into the ground and it's everything everything is one thing and I was crying and I was laughing it was like it was a happy cry though and um and then I I came down and uh I said okay I'm ready to do it again and uh he was like you're sure and I was like yeah were you nervous again I was nervous again but I knew there was more and uh and it's not you don't know what else there is but you know that there's more and it wasn't like I wanted to go through it again I felt like there was more that I had to deal with whatever that is I felt like I had to deal with it and uh he said all right well let's move back and I was like I want to do it here and uh I was like is that all right and he's like yeah and he's like all right move the blanket up and I was like I don't want the blanket he's like bring the pillow and I was like I don't want the pillow I just want to be on top of nature um he's like okay and I was like actually can I do it up there because up there was like you're kind of you're not on a cliff but you're on a steep hill and he's like Ah that's kind of close to the cliff thing and I was like all right well can we move those benches out of the way I didn't want anything man-made in my field of view at all nothing all I wanted to see was just Earth Earth because they moved the benches out same exact thing is deep inhale hold 30 seconds colors came back fell back anxiety goes through the roof again a lot of fear again almost the exact same thing I don't feel like I was shaking quite as bad with all the muscle spasms but it was they were definitely there and it all happened all over again except it felt when I came out of it it felt even more powerful and felt like I could feel the energy of the universe even more and it was just so overpowering and uh and the next thing that happened is I had this intuition there were no visualizations it was all intuition I had this intuition was like right there and uh and uh [Music] I started crying and um I just started saying Gabe's name and I was like Gabe I was like Gabe and I just started like crawling towards the something but there was nothing there it was just a presence that I felt uh with my own Intuition or like an energy that was like literally like just steps away from me I crawled towards it and I just knew that like he was there and everything was fine and and uh and I was happy for him that he was in this space and um and then I started and then presence kind of faded away and I started looking around again and I could once again I my breath turned into everything just it's all one thing We Are All One Thing and I remember digging my hands into the like Blades of grass and I was and I saw this Bud like moving around and you know normally I would have like smashed that bug and killed it and I was like how can anybody like kill anything like what like what is that all of this is perfect it's exactly the way it's supposed to be and um and I was like crying and I was happy and I looked over at Trevor and and I'm not going to say it right now because I but I admitted something to him uh told him about something that I felt very guilty about um about my service record and the SEAL Teams and then and I just like told them this thing that I I told one person in my entire life and that was my doctor that I spent three and a half years in therapy with and I never even told her when I was in therapy I told her when we went back to Boca Raton to visit family and like we went out to lunch and I told her then like three years after I stopped doing three and a half years of therapy and I told Trevor who I'd known for four days and he asked me how it felt say that and I said I felt I said it feels [ __ ] amazing and I started crying and I was happy and and um and then I started coming down but I was I was just at complete peace my my ego had been completely sucked out of my body and I knew what it was like today and it was like I said it was similar to when I overdosed on cocaine but beautiful when I overdosed on cocaine I was thinking this is great you know I'm gonna die here on this piece of [ __ ] floor in Colombia my parents are gonna be like yeah that's my son he overdosed on cocaine and Colombia nobody found him for six months and uh this was totally different this was like I was dying but I didn't care about anything nothing and the one thing I did feel I felt the one thing I was not ready for and this is during the Bliss it wasn't even during the anxiety before you felt the Bliss was I felt like there was farther I could go uh in that feeling or in that state of consciousness but I didn't want to come back but the only thing that was holding me from going farther into that State of Consciousness was I felt like you and Sonny needed me here and if I went any farther I didn't feel like I was going to come back and so I stopped myself from going there and as and when I did come down Trevor asked if he's like do you want to do the third one and I said you know I said I'm I'm really um I'm really thankful and I'm comfortable with with what I just experienced and I want to do it again but I said I'm not I'm not ready to do that right now and uh I was I just said I wanna if it's okay I would like to come back and and and when I'm ready and he said yeah that's you know that's exactly that's why they call it a journey you know and then I went over and I told Marcus that same thing and then he shared something with me and and then I just said you know I was like I only have like one question left and I said I don't understand where evil even comes from after what I just saw I don't even know how it exists and uh I said if there were evil or bad energy that walked into my field of view at that specific moment in time at that level of Consciousness that I felt it would have stuck out like a sore thumb it would have been like it would have stuck out so much that if if I was in a black room and there was a spotlight on something it would have stuck out that much I mean you just felt everything on Earth at that moment in time that is in your field of view and even out which is like I said this is very intuitive type new level of consciousness and um everybody kind of was like man that's that's uh that's a good question and um so what that does is it basically the 5meo DMT it takes you to the most vulnerable the most vulnerable state that you've ever been in and if you allow it to keep going and you really give yourself up Ward you what does that sound like sounds like the Bible right Jesus's teachings or something and um and that's exactly what that was and uh yeah and that was my experience that's amazing babe so I know there's still more to go [Music] I'm gonna do it again but everybody everybody in the world needs to experience that and it was the most euphoric the most life-chasing my the most life-changing experience I've ever felt and uh so now everybody's probably wondering you know well what did you what are what did you get out of it you know other than an extreme high in experiencing the the universe's energy which half the people are like oh yeah whatever I don't care I don't care anymore about what anybody thinks and so here's what I got out of it you know after being home uh for a week today I have zero anxiety I don't get anxious around people I don't get anxious in traffic I don't get anxious on the plane I have zero anxiety all of my anger is gone all of it I'm 100 in the moment when I'm talking to you I'm 100 in the moment when I'm talking to Sonny or when I'm playing with Sonny if you can attest to that how he's doing things that he's never done with me because I've have something different about me a new energy that's all gone I didn't I'm pretty sure we've been talking for about two hours now I haven't forgotten what I'm talking about one time I did a two and a half hour live last night on patreon I didn't forget what I was talking about one time I did a 90 or 50 minute Video Edit on the the Mexico migrant camp with a speech in between didn't forget what I was saying one time I haven't forgotten what I'm talking about mid-sentence since I've gotten done with this since I've since this experience so whatever TBI damage was making that happen and I do believe it was TBI that is gone that is fixed I've had 11 pounds sucked out of me I had the night sweats every night for a week and you felt that yeah you know when I came home I have and I'm not making it a point to stop drinking or anything I'm not making it a point this is taking zero effort it's there's no craving I haven't had one drink in over two weeks I don't miss it I don't crave it it's it's taking zero eggs effort I don't want it I keep and I'm not making it a point if I want to take a drink again I'm going to take a drink but I don't want to not only that I haven't smoked marijuana I haven't taken Adderall I haven't taken any sleep medications I haven't taken any of my heartburn medications from whatever's going on with my esophagus I haven't had any sugar or maybe I've had sugar but I haven't I have a sweet tooth you know that I haven't had any I have I have no craving for candy nothing haven't had any candy or sweets in over two weeks I haven't had any potato chips any french fries I don't have any carb Cravings you know in over two weeks and I keep waiting for all this stuff to come back and it's not coming back none of those Cravings are coming back or coffee I haven't had yeah coffee forgot about that I haven't had coffee in over two weeks no caffeine no soda nothing not even sports drinks like Gatorade or what's that stuff we drink body armor body armor nothing nothing no cookies nothing not one thing I'm eating I'm not overeating yeah we're barely having dinner yeah we're not even having dinner anymore we're doing a late lunch and that's it and I don't even crave food at all and tell them up in the morning and then you know but I'm more productive than I've ever been in my entire life I'm not even we're not even supposed to be working right now I'm supposed to be letting this sink in but I'm actually enjoying work I'm enjoying every all of it I'm able to delegate we came in it was Tuesday the first day back in yeah we did four hours I did four hours of work and I got more done in that four hours than I think I have in six years of business I mean uh a day yeah not like six years of business but I was more productive that day than I have been any other day in six years of being in business then we came in the next day and it was a full day and I feel like I got like a week's worth of work done in one day because you probably did it's insane what this has done I don't get anxious in traffic I don't get pissed in traffic I don't care uh I'm not judgmental anymore I see people coming into work I see people in the grocery store that normally I would judge I see you know I'm not watching TV but the few times we have watched TV I'm not judgment not judgmental I don't care about politics like I know that [ __ ] doesn't even matter I don't care you know the the it doesn't affect me anymore I'm not comparing myself to my competitors my resentment's gone I don't care what people think of me it took look put this in perspective this this used to be a gun reviewing Channel it took me two years to phase out of gun reviews two years of guns and tactics I was so tired of reviewing guns and teaching tactics online I I couldn't stand it but I was so worried about what's my audience going to do they're going to leave they're gonna it took me two years to transition into this show and completely leave that stuff behind and then same with patreon it was all guns and tactics and stuff and there's nothing wrong with that but it wasn't me I was done that's that's another life for me but I was still giving patreon guns and tactics all the time even after I quit on YouTube and then I just stopped that less than a year ago now and what's the latest goal the latest goal has been I don't want to just interview operators anymore and tell War Stories yes that's important but I need to keep it fresh and we've had conversation after conversation after conversation about well if I quit interviewing seals and Green Berets and and cartel stuff then nobody's gonna watch anymore I don't care you know what if they don't watch I don't give a [ __ ] I don't care I'm going to do what I want to do and I feel like my entire life his like been revealed and fallen into perfect place right before my eyes we had a 50 gain in our patreon prescriptions in two weeks it was stagnant for a year and we just grew it by 50 percent in two weeks two weeks and I don't I don't care I'm gonna do what I want to do I'm having Trevor on the show in April you know if you would have told me two weeks ago I was going to have a psychedelic healer on this show I would have looked at you like you were absolutely insane he's coming and I can't wait to interview him and we have all kinds of new types of guests that are coming on the show and it's gonna be amazing and it's going to be perfect and if people don't like it I do not care they can go somewhere else I don't care and I'm gonna do what I want to do and what that means is my ego is gone it was sucked out of me and I'm not worried about what other people think I don't care if they judge me I do not care at all and so the sensation you get out of that is is Pure Freedom you're not controlled by the news you're not controlled by politics you're not controlled by anything that you can't control you for the first time in my life I realize that I can't control what people think of me and I don't care I'm just gonna be myself and if they don't they don't like that bye don't care I don't even care about Instagram anymore you know was let's do a post let's do this let's do that I got a post on Instagram I don't give a [ __ ] about Instagram I don't give a [ __ ] how many views this video gets I don't give a [ __ ] about how many views my last Sean Ryan show gets I don't care if they censor me don't care I can't control any of that [ __ ] I'm just being me and doing what I think is right and bringing truth to the people that I want to bring truth to and it's been amazing I know tone by my eyes oh yeah going back to that um they're lighter that's the first thing I noticed the color you said the whites of my eyes are wider and they're brown and my eyes is Browner and the edges are it's a different color babe all together that's how much toxic [ __ ] I'm not even saying the word [ __ ] very often anymore I think I said it one other time in probably two hours of talking right now it used to be every other word I did it last night too when I did my patreon live it was a two and a half hour live then you didn't say I said it one time and I called I said that's the first time I've said this I'm like an hour and a half and everybody was like we all noticed it and uh it's been great it has been great you know and especially like right now Russia is evading invading Ukraine and the United States is doing absolutely nothing about it and there's nothing I can do about that it's I'm not gonna let it affect my day there's nothing I can do I can report on it without it affecting my day I can read about it without it affecting my day and and you know we just released that Peter Schweitzer interview about how China's invested and our entire political system there's nothing I can do about that that would ruin my day Brew my week when I was reading that stuff and researching that that was only two weeks ago there's nothing I can do about it so why let it affect my day I started meditating I never meditated I just you never took a minute for yourself ever since I've met you yeah so the fact that you're getting up starting your day for yourself you know having that hour so just you you know I stay in bed Sonny's asleep that's that's huge that's what I've wanted for you for so long I'm sleeping yeah you're sleeping with out any drugs or alcohol and you're dreaming I'm Dreaming I haven't dreamed and very few dreams and years and the dreams I did have were not good you know you know that and you know the other thing is you know again I get a lot of texts and a lot of people reaching out and a lot of acquaintances I was always so I like felt this guilt all the time like oh I didn't call so and so back oh I didn't help so and so I didn't do this I didn't I don't care anymore like I'm still going to help people but I don't feel that guilt when I come home and I have 25 text messages that I need to answer about people that I haven't talked to in years or I don't feel that guilt anymore it's this is my time with my family and you can wait and I don't feel guilty having to say that anymore good I've been able to delegate jobs I mean I was a control freak and that's another thing that I think with the ibogaine I said I said with the five Meo DMT if you allow it if you allow it to do what it needs to do and you let it take you to the most vulnerable point you've ever been in in your entire life it will reward you I think with the ibogaine if you let the Iva gain take control and you've relinquished all the control it's weird by giving up all of the control you regain control of what matters in your life that makes all the other [ __ ] doesn't matter none of it and now it's been an amazing trip so for somebody watching would you recommend that they do both I begin first and then five Meo DMT I think do you think the way they have it set up is perfect I wouldn't change anything about that program not one thing you know I even we were talking uh you know with I had lunch with Marcus and Amber and Coronado on my way home and um you know and there they have a big push with uh getting legislation pushed on getting this legalized here in the United States and I and I hope they do you know I hope it works but I I did tell him I said you know one good thing about it being outside of the U.S is like this is a serious commitment it takes a week to do it and people and it's not accessible it's kind of hard to get to and so by having it that way you're only gonna get the people you're not gonna get like the people that just think they're like oh I'm gonna go do some psychedelics you're getting like it filters them out yeah you're getting people that are committed to getting better that are you know what I mean they're tired of yeah you're gonna filter them out the perfect way to put it and um and I just hope people donate to them because that's that's one of the only there's two reasons why three reasons why I'm spilling my guts with this experience right now one I want to raise money for Marcus and Amber's Capone's vets organization because of what it did to me and I know it's a real two not just if you're a vet if you are a vet or Special Operations vet I don't know you got to talk to them but if you're struggling and none of the other stuff's working in the VA or your doctor is just pumping you full of prescriptions stop that [ __ ] and give this a chance it will change your life forever and three even if you're not a vet everybody needs to experience this the world will be a hell of a lot better of a place if they did because you do realize none of this other [ __ ] matters it's powerful stuff babe so if you are listening to this and you made it through this entire podcast please go to vets I'm going to link everything below and donate donate to them this is changing this is changing lives for the better it's saving marriages it's saving lives it's getting people off serious opiate addictions alcoholism all kinds of drugs by resetting the receptors Stanford's doing a study and so far I think that they said they may have I think it was 30 people they put through this they do a brain scan before they go down and do the I've again and then they go back after they do the IB game they don't even do the five Meo DMT yet they go back Stanford is completely dumbfounded on the brain scan afterwards because the entire brain is lighting up people are using all a lot more of their brain I can't say all of their brain because I don't know but but it's all lit up whereas before it was just sounds like it was just two parts now it's the entire brain is lit up and they can't explain why and this [ __ ] comes from a root and five Mao DMT comes from a toad not from Big Pharma yeah nobody's making major bucks off of this it grows naturally in the Earth is from the Earth from nature and it's working better than any pharmaceutical prescription that you can get mm-hmm think about that and how evil big Pharma is and how evil the government is that's being paid off by big Pharma for not making this legal they are murdering people by not legalizing this damn that's our government but we can't control that no but you can control making the decision to go down there and get better on your own and you said it best what's that attraction not persuasion no attraction rather than promotion perfect I'll leave it at that I love you I love you too [Music]

Channel: Shawn Ryan Show

Views: 416,923

Keywords: vigilance elite, shawn ryan, shawn ryan show, the shawn ryan show, shawn ryan podcast, navy seal podcast, DMT, Psychedelics, ibogaine, psychedelic healing, navy seal does psychedelics, spirituality, psychedelic drugs, ptsd treatment, 5-meo-dmt, toad venom, iboga, ibogaine treatment reviews, 5 meo dmt toad, dmt trip, 5 meo dmt, shawn ryan katie interview, neuroscience, death experience, shawn ryan navy seal, psychedelic visuals, shawn ryan interview, dmt visuals, ego death

Id: asrnXJ-xCzs

Length: 143min 0sec (8580 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 21 2022